Hazards of the Die

by Margui

Hazards of the Die

The darkness was impenetrable, it surrounded and suffocated him. Actually, the silence was suffocating him.

"What?" Autolycus asked as he could feel Iolaus' eyes bearing down on him. The oubilette was pitch black, but it had been hours since Iolaus' last tirade and Autolycus figured he was about due.

"What? I didn't say anything!" Iolaus protested.

"No, but you were thinking it."

"Well, how was I supposed to know you were orchestrating one of your world famous heists?"

"Hey, it was for a good cause. It would have worked too if you weren't playing Hercules and butting in."

"What were you doing, anyway?"

"I was just exposing the tavern owner for the low life bamboozler that he was."

In truth the King of Thieves felt some remorse for their current predicament. He was sure Iolaus never meant to ruin his perfectly contrived plan. He was only trying to help in his own sanctimonious way, and he guessed he had to be grateful for Iolaus saving his life. He also suspected that was why he felt so bad that Iolaus was tossed along with him into the underground dungeon.

Fighting off the silence, Autolycus reflected what went wrong.

The King of Thieves sipped on his ale as he regarded the tavern owner. The owner, a very distinguished looking gentleman with tailored clothing and an all too friendly smile had set up a game of "craps". The rules of the rudimentary game were simple. "Craps" was played with two dice. Each side of the die was numbered one to six. In order to win at the game, the player must roll a "7" or an "11" on the initial throw. If they threw a "2", "3", or "12" they would automatically lose. If on the initial throw, the player threw a "4", "5", "6", "8", "9" or "10" that was considered their "point" and they would have to throw it again in order to win. If the player tossed a seven before his "point" then he would lose.

Autolycus continued to watch the tavern owner. He seemed cordial enough, but something told him that this man was not to be trusted. He had the same good looks and devilish charm as another well known scoundrel; himself.

His thoughts were interrupted when a frazzled, and emotionally beat man burst into the tavern.

"Darius! Where is my wife? What have you done with her?" The man approached the tavern owner with a sword in his hand. He seemed bent on using it. Autolycus put down his drink and stood up preparing for action.

"You couldn't pay your debt, Madaegus, and a substantial debt it was," Darius said as he absently played with a pile of dinars stacked in front of him. He never even bothered to look up at the grief stricken man.

"You know the penalty for nonpayment. She went willingly, if that's any consolation.....even to my bed." The tavern owner finally looked up at Madaegus and purposely brushed his tongue along his bottom lip in order to incite the man's rage.

"Why...you..." Madaegus said as he lunged toward the owner. Autolycus watched as the owner's two goons held Madaegus back.

"Tsk....Tsk....Tsk....." Darius said as he shook a finger at the beaten man. "Attacking me was not such a smart idea. It will cost you. Gentleman, would you take Madaegus out and collect his payment?"

As the goons forced Madaegus out of the tavern, he yelled to the other patrons, "He's a cheat! He's a cheat, I tell you. He cheated me out of my money and my wife. He'll cheat you too. Mark my words, he'll cheat you too."

"I detest sore losers," Darius said to the players even before Madaegus was out of the tavern, "if they can't afford to gamble, they really shouldn't be playing, should they? Now who's in?"

To spite the allegations against the tavern owner, several men began milling around the betting table.

"Why didn't you just let the magistrate handle it when you found out he was cheating, " Iolaus said as he brought Autolycus out of his reverie.

*******************************************

"And trust the long arm of the law. I find an angry, cheated mob much more satisfying."

Iolaus suddenly held his hand up to silence the thief but it was too dark for Autolycus to see it. "Wait. Do you hear that?" Iolaus said.

"Hear what?" Autolycus answered skeptically.

"Snoring, " Iolaus answered. "Good going Autolycus! You've bored the guard to sleep with your admiration of the justice system."

"Ha. Ha. Ha," Autolycus said. His face brightened as he thought up an idea. "Hey, Iolaus. Give me a boost up."

"Why?" Iolaus asked to the figure that now towered in front of him. The hunter didn't oblige.

"With your help, I could probably just about reach that lock." Autolycus grunted as he pulled himself up on his toes and reached skyward toward the grated opening to the oubilette. He lifted his leg up expecting Iolaus to provide the stirrup and push up with his hands. Autolycus sighed and lowered his leg when it was clear Iolaus was not going to help him.

"I thought they took all your lockpicks," Iolaus said.

"Not this one," Autolycus answered allowing the smallest sliver of moonlight to glance off the edge of the steel.

"Where were you hiding that?" Iolaus hesitated, "second thought....I don't want to know."

"Come on. Give me a boost," Autolycus requested once again.

"Autolycus!" the blond objected, "We are not going to break out of jail. Hercules should be here by morning. I'm sure he'll find a way to get us out."

"You mean, find a way to get you out."

"Come on, now." Iolaus chided, "Sit down and finish your story. How exactly were you planning on exposing the tavern owner?"

"Well, can you say genius?...." Autolycus started as he set back down on the cold and damp dirt floor.

************************************

Autolycus finished his second ale and placed it onto the bar. Then he began walking around the gaming table located in the center of the tavern. He circled the table a couple of times before the patrons moved and allowed him in. He watched in mild surprise as the tavern owner adeptly palmed one set of die and substituted another.

It didn't take long for the owner's next victim to loose what he had left of his wages.

"Oh, what the heck. I'm feeling dangerous today." Autolycus said as he put down one dinar at a chance to play the crooked die.

"Ah, a new player," the tavern owner said as he handed Autolycus the dice. Rolling the dice around in his palm, Autolycus suspected that they were loaded. Loaded dice were those in which the numbers were drilled out and filled in with lead, then painted over again. Autolycus knew loaded dice would be easy to discover just by spinning them on one corner, since they could not spin. Yet, it was not in his best interest to expose the tavern owner so quickly. The very feel of the dice between his skilled and talented fingers told him the tavern patrons were betting on a sucker's bet. The dice were loaded. Darius was cheating.

After loosing ten dinars, Autolycus silently walked away and ordered up another ale.

Sitting alone in the corner, he devised a plan to cheat the cheater out of his winnings and expose him for the corrupt villain that he was.

The next morning, Autolycus enlisted the aid of a disreputable carver and purchased a set of crooked dice. Autolycus had the carver engrave one die with two aces, two fives and two sixes. The other die was engraved with two threes, two fours and two fives. When all was done, it was an identical set to the one that Darius had palmed the day before.

"The beauty of the whole plan," he explained to Iolaus, "was that the player could only see three sides of the cube at one time. By placing the same numbers on opposite sides," he explained, "you can't see its duplicate side."

"With the rigged dice and a little sleight of hand," Autolycus said, "it would have been impossible for me to 'crap out' by throwing a two, three or twelve, plus I would have had better odds of throwing my point again. It would have worked too, if someone hadn't butted in."

"I said I was sorry." Iolaus again apologized. "How was I supposed to know? You could have given me a signal or something. But then again, you're not known for your philantrophic ventures, are you?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." Autolycus said as he waved him off in the dark.

*********************************************

That afternoon, Autolycus walked into the tavern to try his luck with his new dice. Many of the same gamblers were huddled around the table just as they were the night before. It appeared some of them had never left. The self confident tavern owner had started the game early and had already swindled several gamblers out of their hard earned money. Autolycus hadn't scammed anyone in ages and the prospect of cheating such a scoundrel enthralled him.

Ordering and taking a swig of ale, Autolycus broke into the middle of the circle of gamblers and watched as one after the other were swindled with the loaded dice.

"The tavern owner wasn't even that good at palming the dice," Autolycus confessed to Iolaus. "Any two bit hustler could have discovered his plan."

"I guess that explains why you were so quick to uncover it then, being that you are the....."

"....King of Thieves," both men said in unison.

"And don't you forget it, Curly. Anyways, after seeing several men cheated out of their hard earned dinars, I decided to put my plan into action."

Autolycus began his betting with only one or two dinars. He did not want Darius to get suspicious by initially betting with a large sum of money. As he continued to win, Autolycus planned to increase his betting, ending finally with the release of Darius' indentured servant and wife of Madaegus.

Darius allowed the first few rolls to be played with legitimate dice. Allowing a player to win a few legitimate hands would take suspicion off the dealer once the mark began to loose. But Autolycus was no dupe. He was able to manipulate the die in his palms to his advantage, and rolled a "point" of 8. Carefully arranging the dice in his palms before he threw it again, he was able to make his point on his second roll.

It was at that moment that Iolaus walked into the tavern.

Oblivious of the thief's scam, Iolaus walked into the bar and ordered up an ale and a rack of boar's ribs. Once his order was filled, Iolaus took the ale, stuffed a rib in his mouth and began walking toward the circle of gamblers and toward the King of Thieves.

Iolaus watched the game carefully and watched the thief even more carefully. He knew Autolycus was a gambler at heart; any thief was, but the self satisfying smirk that greeted Iolaus was enough to make the hunter suspicious.

Autolycus continued his lucky manipulations until Darius substituted the crooked dice. As Autolycus grabbed the dice, he adeptly palmed them and substituted the counterfeit set. Iolaus saw Autolycus palm the pair of dice. His eyes grew wide with surprise as he almost spit out the rib he was gnawing on. Pulling it from his mouth, Iolaus was practically speechless as he pointed accusedly towards Autolycus and then toward the tavern owner.

"Uh? Umm..." Iolaus uttered as he gestured.

Darius saw the disturbed look on Iolaus' face and the wild gesturing. He too suspected he was being cheated by the lucky thief. A flick from the tavern owner's wrist, and a few seconds later, Iolaus knew Autolycus was about to get into more trouble.

Autolycus threw a "point" of 10. Gathering the rigged dice back into his hands, he set himself up to throw the dice once more. He didn't get a chance. From the side of the table, he heard Iolaus cry a warning.

"Autolycus! Behind you!"

The tavern owner's two goons were approaching Autolycus from behind. One had a broadsword. The other had a mace. The brute with the broadsword brought the blade back and was about to thrust it between the thief's ribs when Autolycus turned. The goon lunged forward and careened into the "craps" table.

"Well, that was a real crappy thing to do. You were going to hurt me." Autolycus said as he watched the brute tumble into the table and break it into pieces.

Darius, stepped out of the way, but did not pursue the fight. He continued to let his hired assassins take that risk. The goon made a quick recovery, shaking off the fall. He lunged once more toward the thief.

Iolaus quickly advanced toward the goon with the mace. He was skilled with the weapon and Iolaus had to jump out of the way to avoid the nasty looking projectile. Falling over a broken chair, Iolaus crashed into the floor. The goon approached him. His weapon was held high above his head. Iolaus swiftly retaliated by sweeping the brute's legs. The brute lost his balance and landed on the ground with a grunt. He fell into unconsciousness when the momentum of the mace hit him on the head.

Iolaus looked over to Autolycus. He was continuing to fight his opponent. Picking up a chair from the table, Autolycus used it as a shield, parrying each blow from the broadsword. During a particularly unlucky move, the tip of the sword got lodged into the seat of the chair.

Neither Autolycus nor the brute wanted to give up their weapon. Autolycus continued to hold onto the chair as the goon held onto the sword. The chair would not relinquish it's prize, so the two continued to wage a tug of war. They were at a stalemate. Iolaus was still on the ground. Stretching to grab several dice that had tumbled from the gaming table, he tossed them toward the goon. He had hoped to put the fight's advantage back to Autolycus.

As the goon fought with his sword, he stepped back and found several of the dice on the floor. He began to loose his footing and landed on the ground with a thud.

Loosing the fight and fear of being discovered, Darius quickly took action. Grabbing the broadsword from the chair, he was able to dislodge it in one swift pull. Autolycus moved the chair up toward his face as Darius swung the sword wildly. The power of the swing against the legs of the chair caused a chain reaction. The chair practically disintegrated in the thief's hands. He was unprotected as the sword began its downward thrust.

Thinking fast, Iolaus picked up another chair and beamed Darius over the head with it. He collapsed into a heap; unconscious onto the floor. The sword he was using tumbled from his hand. Iolaus caught the weapon in midair as Autolycus hid his face, preparing for the inevitable.

"Hold it right there!" the magistrate said as he rushed into the tavern. Iolaus had no time to explain. He was now the only one with a weapon, holding it over a very disbelieving thief.

Once Darius regained consciousness, he was quick to finger both Iolaus and Autolycus for their roles in the fray. The magistrate forced both Iolaus and Autolycus out of the tavern, each protesting their arrest.

"No, he's the cheat, over there.... " Autolycus pointed to Darius as he was being pushed out the door, "just do a search of the tavern. You'll find several loaded dice and a very curious set with duplicate numbers on it."

"A rather ingenious way of cheating, if I say so myself," he said with bravado to the guard on his left. Then his attitude changed back to ritious indignation as they continued to force him out of the tavern. "I tell you, he was trying to cheat me....." Neither the guards or the magistrate seemed interested in hearing.

*******************************************

"Well, Autolycus. It didn't turn out how you expected, but I'll give you an Alpha for Effort."

"Yeah? Really? Well, a lot of good that'll do me while I'm rotting in jail." They stopped their conversation when they heard the distinctive metal crashing of the grate above them being opened. Both peered up into the night sky when Hercules popped his head into the oubilette.

"I can't leave you two any where together without both of you finding trouble, can I?" the demigod pronounced.

"Hey, Herc. We're innocent," Iolaus confessed.

"Yeah! What he said," Autolycus confirmed as he pointed to Iolaus.

"So I've heard."

Within seconds, Iolaus and Autolycus could hear the clanging sounds of a rolled up ladder being lowered into the pit.

"Well, come on up." Hercules invited.

Iolaus was the first one up the ladder. After spending several hours enduring the company of The King of Thieves, he felt he had suffered long enough. He quickly climbed up the ladder, looking down only once. He caught Autolycus looking up at him as if a heavy burden had suddenly been relieved.

"You too, Autolycus," Hercules said once Iolaus had managed his way out of the oubilette.

"What? How?" Autolycus said truly flabbergasted. He put his foot on the first rung, expecting the ladder to be pulled up in some monumental joke. He was halfway up the ladder before he could believe he was being so easily sprung.

Once both of them were above the pit, Hercules explained the situation.

"It seems that when the magistrate went to the tavern to investigate, he found all sorts of crooked dice and advantage tools to cheat the villagers out of their money. In addition to the loaded dice, the tavern owner used a magnet under the table to manipulate the roll of the dice. You were right Autolycus, he was cheating."

Hercules, who had positioned himself between Iolaus and Autolycus, patted the two trouble makers on the shoulder. "From what I hear the townfolk say, you two are heroes for exposing the tavern owner."

"Really?" Autolycus said proudly as he pulled on the hem of his tunic.

"That's what I hear."

"Imagine that. The King of Thieves a hero." Iolaus boomed.

The three men began walking toward the village's inn.

"The magistrate found one curious set of dice, however, that the tavern owner claims to have no knowledge about. Seems each dice had three numbers that were duplicated on its opposite side. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you, Autolycus?" Hercules asked.

"Who? Me?" Autolycus questioned. His voice was so filled with saccharine that Hercules knew who was responsible for the crooked dice.

THE END

Please post a comment on this story.