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  Love Apples 
 by Candace  
 


 I woke to the sound of crashing waves. Sounds poetic, I know. Maybe if I
were hearing it from my coastal summer villa in Corinth, it would've been.

 But instead I was lying facedown on a beach with a broken shell digging
into my cheek.

 Funny how thirsty you get with all that water around. Soaking wet and
thirsty. Pretty ironic. 

 "Iphicles? Iphicles, can you hear me?"

 I kept myself from sighing since I didn't think a lungful of wet sand
would do much for my thirst. But I did open my eyes.

 "Oh, what a relief."

 That's Iolaus for you. Most people would've said, "Thank the gods," but
he'd been burned by enough deities to have purged that phrase from his
vocabulary.

 I squinted up at the low sun. Hard to say if it was sunrise or sunset,
since I had no clue which direction I was facing. "Funny," I said, my
voice raspy. "I almost asked you what happened."

 And then I vomited a torrent of seawater.

 What had happened was a huge storm out of nowhere on a perfectly clear
morning. We had sailed on a light ship, a dozen of us in all, including
the crew. So at least two of us were still alive. That was promising.

 Iolaus kept clapping me on the back, even after the heaves stopped.
"Enough."

 "Oh, oh right. Can you stand up? I don't want to leave you here, but I've
got to keep searching for more survivors."

 I attempted to sit and found it was possible. I felt a lot better having
rid myself of the sea. "How many of the others have you found?"

 I knew the answer wouldn't be good by the look on his face. "So far,
we're the only ones who've made it."

 I wiped some grit from my cheek and did my best to stand. Iolaus gave me
a hand up and encouraged me to lean on him. Which reminded me--weirdly
enough--of this crush I used to have on him, back when we were kids. I was
older and had to pretend like I didn't want him and my brother around. 

 Hercules. Since the strongest man in the world lets Iolaus get his back,
I leaned on Iolaus as much as I needed to. He supported my weight.

 "I've come up the beach about a quarter of a league," he said, and I
wondered how long it had taken him to get that far. And how it must have
felt going that long without seeing another living soul.

 "Did you find any...." I meant to say 'bodies,' but then I wondered if I
should search for a gentler word. I knew those men. Well, all but one,
anyway. 

 "The crew," he said. "The merchant."

 I stopped and faced him. "That only leaves Falafel and the prisoner!" I'd
assumed they'd reveal the prisoner's identity to me in Corinth, but maybe
I'd never find out after all. 

 Iolaus nodded as his eyes made continual sweeps of the landscape. "C'mon.
Let's see if we can find them."

 We walked for a while, and eventually I could support myself. I was still
thirsty but it seemed insignificant in the face of so much death. The sky
purpled and a cold wind clung to my damp clothes. "What if they washed up
in the other direction?" I said, wondering how much longer we'd search.
"Maybe we should go back to where you started."

 Iolaus watched his feet for a while. "It's getting late. Maybe we should
just try to find somewhere sheltered to spend the night."

 What a relief. I didn't know if he'd try to make us push on all night,
just to find a bunch of bodies. But then I glanced out over the shoreline
and somehow among the rocks and driftwood a shape coalesced before my eyes
that seemed human. "Wait a minute."

 Iolaus' head snapped up and then we were both running, sliding over the
algae-covered rocks and crunching through clam shells. "It's Falafel," he
said as we neared.

 Even though I've known him for years, I still didn't recognize him
without his hat. But I guess it was a 50/50 chance. Since I'd only seen
the prisoner with a cloth sack over his head, I wouldn't have known him
anyway without Iolaus' confirmation.

 Iolaus rolled Falafel onto his side, thumping him on the back and
shouting in his ear. No way, I thought. It had to have been hours since we
washed up on the beach. And it was turning cold. But then I heard
coughing, and Iolaus' tone got way more cheerful.

 Once I was assured Falafel wasn't dead, I knelt beside Iolaus next to
him.

 "By the gods, I'm thirsty," he said in that thick, unplaceable accent of
his. I felt vaguely guilty that I'd never asked where he's from.

 Iolaus and I let the oath pass. He hadn't had as many brushes with the
gods as we'd had. "What are the chances of us finding drinkable water?" I
asked Iolaus.

 "Not good this close to the shore. If we're lucky we'll find a stream
when we head inland."

 Since when had we ever been lucky? But I decided not to ask that out
loud.

 Iolaus pried Falafel from the soggy beach. Falafel sat up slowly, a crust
of sand clinging to his scruffy beard.

 That left only the prisoner unaccounted for. Bound. Hooded. Unless he was
a god, he was likely among the dead. "This mysterious prisoner," I asked,
batting a clump of damp seaweed off Falafel, "do we need to worry about
him slitting our throats while we sleep?"

 Iolaus gave me some tragic look I couldn't really read and shook his
head. "Come on," he said, giving Falafel a hand up. "We'd better find some
shelter for the night."

 The three of us staggered inland, Falafel in the middle with his arms
around both of us, me now walking upright of my own volition. Though the
ground seemed to be made entirely of sharp, rocky, jagged things, plants
still sprang up, and I held some hope that maybe there was fresh water
somewhere.

 "I'll find us some fruit when the sun comes back up," Falafel muttered,
his words slurring. I hoped he'd make it 'till morning. Fruit sounded damn
good.

 The rocky debris turned to a rough excuse for soil and walking grew
easier, though the land swelled with sharp slopes and huge boulders
studded the landscape. I suspected that at least it would be better to
overnight wedged against a boulder than lying exposed in a flat field of
grass.

 "Over there," Falafel said, though we didn't know where, as he didn't
have a free hand to point with. "Is that a cave?"

 Surely enough, a quick scan of our immediate surroundings revealed a
vine-covered opening embedded in the face of a sudden rise of rocky dirt.
With my luck, it was home to a gaggle of baby hydra. Though I didn't say
that out loud.

 The wind picked up, blowing in off the sea, and even in my weakened
state, I would've given those hydra a run for their money to secure a
sheltered niche for myself. Energized by the sight of the cave, the three
of us picked up speed, only shoring each other up occasionally as one of
us stumbled. 

 "It looks deep," Iolaus said as he scuttled up the rock face like he
wasn't battered, dehydrated and exhausted. I wondered how Falafel would
make it up there. Slowly, I guessed. I gave Falafel a hand up, and then
Iolaus gave him another, and so on, until the three of us hauled ourselves
onto a broad ledge.

 "Tell me there's not a bear in there," Falafel said, joking no doubt,
though I didn't really find it funny.

 "Nope," came a voice from inside the cave. "No bears in here."

 The three of us froze, and then Iolaus plunged forward. "How--?"

 A man strode out of the cave to meet him, a dark-haired guy with a
formidable chin and a pronounced swagger. "It wasn't easy, what with my
hands and feet chained together."

 "You're the prisoner," I said. Yeah, I know, I'm brilliant. But the
length of chain hanging from one of his wrists was a dead giveaway. That
and the fact that everyone else who'd been on board was dead.

 Falafel followed me in. "Autolycus?" he cried. "My friend!"

 Now there was a name I knew: the infamous King of Thieves. "I thought you
and Hercules were friends with him," I said to Iolaus. "Why were you
escorting him back to Corinth with a sack over his head?"

 Iolaus opened his mouth to explain, but then fatigue seemed to catch up
with him all at once and he sagged against the cave wall, sliding down
until he sat on the rock floor.

 "Pray tell," said Autolycus. "Because I think we both know the charges
are ludicrous."

 "You would've gotten a fair trial," Iolaus said.

 "Is that right?" Autolycus swung his chain like it was a fashion
accessory. "A fair trial--that's rich! You, of anyone, should know how hot
and bothered a magistrate'll get if you let 'em. All they care about is
punishing a crime--not making sure they've actually got the guy who did
it."

 "If you're innocent, you can prove it."

 "If I'm innocent? If?" Autolycus stopped twirling his chain and balled
his fists on his hips. "C'mon, curly. Do you really think I killed
Hercules?"

 The distant sound of the surf was suddenly deafening as none of us dared
even breathe. Dry leaves rustled. A cricket sang.

 "I need to sit down," Falafel said finally, staggering past me into the
cave. 

 Hercules. Dead. Hercules. Dead. Of course I knew what the words meant.
Just not together.

 "The evidence is circumstantial," Autolycus said. "It wouldn't hold up in
court in Athens. But in Corinth? Please, even the barbarians are leaps and
bounds ahead of the Corinthian legal system. Ah, no offence, Your
Majesty."

 "Iphicles," I corrected him, my mind still trying to connect the words
"Hercules" and "dead" with little success.

 "Look, there's not even a body. You're gonna charge me for murder without
a body?"

 My ears pricked up. How obvious could it be? No body, no dead Hercules.

 Iolaus shook his head. "The bracelet they found on you...Hercules gave it
to a girl." He stopped to wipe his nose. I kept my mouth shut. Even
Falafel leaned in closer as Iolaus' voice grew soft, breaking here and
there. "Aris. He'd pledged himself to her. They were on their way to
Corinth, to tell...." He stopped and looked at me, his eyes swimming with
unshed tears. "The constable found Aris'...body. And Hercules gone."

 We all watched Iolaus as he twisted the lacing of his boot. 

 "Well, I'm sorry." Autolycus had softened his voice. Slightly. "But that
still doesn't make me a killer and you know it."

 "I did try to tell them that," Iolaus admitted. "But without Herc to back
me up, no one listened. So I did the next best thing. I offered to escort
you back to Corinth. I thought maybe the real killer would slip up and
reveal himself."

 "But there was no body," I reminded him. Iolaus turned his eyes to me and
I wished I'd said it a little more tactfully. There was a body--the
girl's. Iolaus must have known Aris. And judging by that look, he'd
probably loved her, too. 

 A bit deeper in the cave, Falafel snored, overtaken finally by
exhaustion. I was able to tear my eyes from Iolaus' crushed look and
glance over at him. 

 "Look," said Autolycus. "I know Hercules wouldn't have let something
happen to his girl if he had a choice. But for all we know, he's in Erin
right now. Or Chin. Or up on God-Mountain."

 Iolaus stared down at the floor.

 "Until I see his body," I said, "I won't believe he's dead."

 "You're right," Iolaus mumbled, turning his face away from us and
settling down to sleep. I don't think he believed me, but he wanted to.
"I'm sure you're right." 

 I lie on a forest floor, cool and damp with living things growing all
around me. I feel the clutch of vines and creepers pulling at my ankles,
wrists and hair, and I thrash back and forth, freeing myself from the
plants' grasp as quickly as the tendrils can wind themselves around me.
Eventually, the struggles give way to a blackness that stretches for a
time I can't measure, until the sound of birdsong intrudes and the world
turns reddish behind my closed eyelids. 

 I cracked open one eye. Sunlight slanted through the cave's opening, and
a little ways down the tunnel a pair of voices whispered.

 "They'll just slow us down."

 "No, we need all of them. Don't be stupid."

 "Shh!"

 "All of what?" I said, yawning as I tried to shake off the clingy,
invasive feeling that still crawled up my spine from those weird dreams. I
attempted to stretch but my muscles were so knotted up that I could hardly
lift my arms. I squinted and saw Iolaus' profile deeper inside the cave,
with Falafel leaning with his arms crossed and his back against the
opposite wall. 

 Falafel and Iolaus both stared at me. "Well. Tell him," said Falafel.

 Iolaus shrugged. "All the supplies we can carry."

 "Supplies?" I rolled my neck and it popped. A sharp twinge shot down my
spine, but then a couple of my stiffer muscles loosened. "What supplies?
Did you find that fruit?"

 Iolaus winked at Falafel and walked toward the front of the cave, nodding
at me as he passed. I hadn't really expected him to be quite so chipper,
what with all the death that seemed to be going around. Maybe he was a
morning person. Sun shone through his blond hair as he climbed down from
the cave, the top of his head slipping out of sight beyond the ledge.

 I looked back toward Falafel, who'd stayed where he was, leaning against
the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. "Well," I asked him, "did
you?"

 "What?"

 "Maybe you were delirious," I said. Though even in his delirium, he'd
been worried about making sure all of us were comfortable. Men didn't come
much more accommodating than Falafel, which was why I'd let him winter
over in Corinth the past few years, despite the fact that he wasn't the
best of cooks. "You could hardly walk and you were talking about finding
breakfast."

 Falafel pushed off from the wall and whisked by me, taking huge strides.
"Fine. I'll go get fruit."

 He swung his body over the ledge in a quick, precise movement and began
climbing down. I stared at the top of his balding head as it disappeared
from the cave mouth.

 "What got into him?" Autolycus asked. I turned to find him smoothing his
hair into place, flicking the dangling chain behind him.

 "I dunno. Maybe he slept wrong."

 "Do you really trust him to forage for our breakfast in a strange
wilderness?"

 I pulled a dry web of kelp off my tunic. "He'd know what's edible before
I would. I know the plants around Corinth and Thebes, but that's about
it."

 Autolycus stood and the chain swung by his side. "I've never been much of
a naturalist, myself. Salad and fruit is well and good--alongside a nice,
juicy lamb chop, or maybe a good steak."

 We both stared at the cave mouth. I wondered if I should have offered to
help Iolaus or Falafel, though Iolaus had seemed like he didn't need the
company and Falafel like he didn't want it.

 "Listen," Autolycus said. "What I said earlier, about the Corinthian
justice system--"

 "Forget about it."

 His chain jingled as he went to the cave mouth and gazed out. "So you
don't think I murdered your brother."

 I tried to imagine it. "I don't see how you could have. I mean, he's
fought gods and come out on top."

 "And there you go." I ducked the chain as it followed Autolycus' sweeping
hand gesture. "The opinion of the head of state's gotta be worth
something."

 The cave mouth dimmed, and the grumble of thunder in the distance
overtook the sound of the surf. "I think that murder trial is the least of
your worries. We've got to deal with food, water, maybe even a fire. And
we need to figure out where we are, and how we get back."

 "First things first. How 'bout we figure out how to get rid of this
chain?"

 Autolycus seemed convinced that with the proper lever, one could move the
world. I guess I never put all that much stock in tools, except maybe a
well-honed sword. Not that any of us had a sword. Autolycus had long since
been stripped of weapons. I assumed my sword was mincing seaweed at the
bottom of the Mediterranean. Even my daggers were lost. I guess I was
lucky I still had my clothes and boots.

 I emerged from the cave long enough to gather anything nearby that might
be of use. Though it would take a more creative person than me to do
anything important with shells, rocks and driftwood. Thunder still
grumbled in the distance, and the wind stirred itself into small tantrums
that kicked sand into my eyes. It would die down for a little while and
kick up again as soon as my eyes stopped tearing.

 Iolaus and Falafel came back while I was trying to pry Autolycus' chain
open with a knotty length of driftwood that I'd wedged into one link. "If
you give yourself a longer piece of the lever, you'll exert more force,"
Auto explained for about the hundredth time. 

 "This is the only spot that's not sliding around," I said.

 Falafel and Iolaus gathered around to observe my inability to handle
tools. "We got the supplies. You haul them up," Falafel said. I glanced at
him, surprised that his mood was still so sour. Not that I could blame
him. I wasn't exactly having the time of my life, either.

 "Keep your pants on," said Autolycus. "He's almost got it."

 That vote of confidence must have given the stick license to skid out of
place. I barely avoided impaling Autolycus through the arm with it. 

 "Now look what you did," Autolycus said. "And we were so close."

 "Give me that." Falafel snatched the wood away from the two of us and
tossed it over his shoulder. He fingered the link I'd been trying to pry
open, and then touched a few of the others. He hefted a huge rock from the
cave floor, licked his thumb and ran it over the rock's surface, assessing
it with a frown. He shrugged. And then there was a blur as he brought the
rock down a hair's breadth from Autolycus' hand, shouting, "Yaaah," for
effect. Sparks--flying pebbles--the whole thing. I just about wet myself.
Maybe Autolycus even did.

 Once the dust settled, I saw a link had been smashed open. Autolycus
blinked a few times before relieving himself--of a great length of chain.
"Thanks," he mumbled.

 Falafel nodded his head toward the cave mouth. "Go get the stuff," he
said, shoving past Autolycus and heading deeper into the cave.

 I glanced over at Iolaus, figuring maybe he could shed some light on
Falafel's mood since they'd been foraging together the past few hours. He
was leaning against one of the more perpendicular cave walls with his
thumbs hooked in his waistband and his ankles crossed, a faint smile on
his face.

 "Is there a lot?" I asked him.

 Iolaus glanced out at the roiling gray sky and back at me. "Yeah, I
suppose. Might as well bring it all in." He pushed off the wall and walked
back to the cave mouth, whistling to himself.

 I stared at the back of his head. He was in an awfully good mood
considering that Hercules' fiance was dead, and he thought there was a
possibility that Hercules was, too. I turned and looked at Falafel, who
was picking up sticks of driftwood, studying them, and then flinging them
back down on the cave floor. Had the two of them stumbled into a patch of
hallucinogenic weeds?

 "Come on," said Autolycus, rubbing absently at his manacled hand. "Let's
see what they found."

 My concerns over the other guys' mood swings were pushed aside when I saw
the litter of stuff they'd collected. "You brought down a deer?" I asked
Iolaus, baffled that he'd even found one, let alone felled it without a
bow.

 "Falafel nailed it, actually. But I found the fruit."

 I stared down at the loosely woven baskets made from broad, green leaves.
Plums, acorns, berries, greens, and some big, orange-red things I didn't
recognize. Between Iolaus and Falafel, they'd found more food than I would
have been able to forage given a week, a handful of assistants...and
probably a guide.

 "Come on," said Iolaus. "We'd better haul them up and build a fire in the
cave mouth. I don't want to attract bears."

 "Geez," Autolycus said, hopping down the last few feet to join us.
"Didn't know we were opening a restaurant." 

 Iolaus tossed a coiled vine to him, and another to me. "Well, y'know.
Unpopulated forest, plenty to choose from. C'mon, let's hustle."

 I tried not to be obvious about staring at the deer as I looped the vine
through its bound hooves. It looked like it'd been killed by a blow to the
head with a blunt object. I thought of that rock whistling down beside
Autolycus' hand. I wondered if I should be worried.

 "It's raining," Iolaus announced, gathering up as much stuff as he could
carry and still climb up to the cave. "Let's go. My hair's getting wet." 

 I stuffed a handful of berries into my mouth and Autolycus did the same.
"A deer," he said wolfing down a plum. He handed one to me and I did the
same, sighing as the juice soothed my dry throat.

 "Yeah," I said, "a deer. You guys did a really good job."

 Iolaus and Falafel were stacking driftwood for a fire. Iolaus smiled over
his shoulder at me and winked. "Make sure you eat one of those tomatoes so
you don't get scurvy."

 I turned the unfamiliar word around in my mind. "What?"

 "You know," said Iolaus, turning to pick one of those round, reddish
things out of the pile. "Love apples. The Romans swear by 'em."

 "Love apples?" Autolycus scoffed. "That's nightshade. Everyone knows it's
poisonous."

 "That," said Falafel, whirling around, "is a tomato." He grabbed it from
Iolaus' grasp and took a huge bite. Seeds and juice sprayed to either
side, dripping down his chin as he glared at Autolycus while he chewed.

 "And they're juicy," Iolaus added. "Might slake your thirst a little."

 "We'll still need water," Falafel grumbled, finishing the tomato with a
few more huge bites.

 "Relax," said Iolaus. He gestured at a pile of stuff with his head as he
fitted a couple pieces of kindling together and began twirling a stick
between his palms. "That's what the broad leaves are for. We shape them
into bowls and set them out for the rain. No sweat."

 Falafel grunted and placed another hunk of wood onto the stack. It was
the most symmetrical wood pile I'd ever seen. The deer hung upside down
beside it, bleeding out into a narrow trench. I'd had no idea the shells
I'd collected could be broken and used for knives.

 Iolaus' kindling started to smolder and he added a bit of plant fluff to
it, cupping his hand around it and blowing gently. It's not like I'd never
seen anyone start a fire before, but I'd never seen anyone look so relaxed
about it.

 "So, how were you planning to prepare your venison?" asked Autolycus,
lying back and crossing his arms beneath his head. "Peppered medallions in
a white wine glaze?"

 Falafel glared at him.

 "C'mon," he said, "lighten up. Can't you take a compliment?"

 "After all, you are a chef," said Iolaus.

 Falafel turned his glare of doom toward Iolaus, and then stalked to the
mouth of the cave. The dull sound of shell hacking at flesh pulsed through
the cave, until it was drowned by the crackle and hiss of a big blaze.

 "C'mon," said Iolaus. "I'll show you guys how to form those bowls. We'll
weight 'em down with a rock in the middle of each one so they don't blow
away in the storm."

 "Just a little trick you learned in the east," Autolycus said.

 "I've got plenty of 'em." Iolaus sat down tailor-style and went to work
folding leaves.

 My bowls looked like they'd been made by a one-armed apprentice but no
one criticized me, so I kept on folding so I didn't feel so damn useless.
"We should put a plan together," I said, trying to force the stem into a
slot. "Do you think passing ships will see our fire and stop? Should we
try sending out signals?"

 "Great idea," said Iolaus. He didn't sound sarcastic. I think.

 Autolycus threw a bowl onto the growing pile and reached for another
leaf. His bowls were round. "Did you see anything promising when you were
out--trails, signs...anything?"

 Iolaus shook his head. "Nothing."

 "Any idea where we are?"

 "Nope."

 "You've traveled all over," I said. "Anything look familiar?"

 "Uh uh."

 Falafel came and sat across from me. His clothes were soaked in blood,
and they looked black in the flickering firelight. He made no move to
start folding bowls. "We need to explore the cave," he said.

 Everyone looked at him, and he glanced around at each of us and then
shrugged. "I mean, we might as well," he added. "Maybe we'll find a
spring."

 Autolycus finished another embarrassingly round bowl and looked over to
Iolaus. "I supposed you also learned the art of spelunking in the east?"

 Iolaus prodded Falafel's saturated trousers and wrinkled his nose.
"There's not much to know. I'm sure we could all handle it. We'd need to
make some torches, but that's no biggie."

 "Maybe you could build us a trireme and we could just sail home,"
Autolycus suggested.

 Iolaus flicked some deer guts off Falafel's knee. "You really shouldn't
have done the butchering in your clothes. They're gonna to start to
stink."

 Falafel sucked his teeth loudly and stood up, snatching the pile of leaf
bowls. "I'll be outside," he said and stalked away to go stand in the
downpour.

 "Artistic types," Iolaus said, turning toward our symmetrical pile of
driftwood and beginning to sort through it. "So temperamental." 

 Torches. I've got a storeroom full of them in Corinth. I had no idea they
involved things other than wood--like sap. Apparently rags would've been
good, too. Autolycus and I were put on torch making duty after an
exhaustive lesson from Iolaus. And I was beginning to feel like maybe he
could actually build us that trireme. You'd just have to keep me and my
ten thumbs out of his way.

 Falafel came back a couple of hours later, soaked through, but in a
different set of clothes. He was carrying a huge armload of stuff:
straighter pieces of driftwood for the torches, more coils of vine, a
bundle of shirts, trousers. The first mate's vest. I really wished I
hadn't recognized that.

 A long knife was sheathed on his thigh. He pulled out another dagger and
tossed it to Iolaus. I felt left out. I could see them not wanting to arm
Autolycus since he was technically Iolaus' prisoner. But me? It didn't
feel right to say anything, though. If I'd wanted a weapon I probably
should have gone and searched the bodies myself. I could hardly expect
Falafel to do his best butchering with clam shells. And Iolaus could
probably use the dagger to carve a flute and play us all a lullabye.

 Falafel sat down beside me as I twirled the driftwood in some sap. He
stared at the side of my face.

 I glanced over at him. He usually smiles at me when we interact, but he
was just staring. "Uh, good job...foraging."

 He shrugged. Not like he was modest, but like it was beneath his notice.
"So what's it like being Hercules' brother?"

 Where the heck did that come from? "Uh, I dunno. Good, I guess."

 "Good how?"

 "Well, you know. He's there for you when you need him. He'd give you the
shirt off his back."

 He nodded, barely. And kept on staring.

 Iolaus came over and dropped a hand on his shoulder. "You must be tired
from all that work you did today."

 Falafel's eyes snapped up to meet Iolaus'. "Right."

 "And Iphicles has a lot more torches to make."

 Falafel stood, towering over Iolaus. I supposed he was always that
height, but I was more accustomed to seeing him hunch a little. His
fingers caressed the knife on his thigh. "I wanted to make some jerky
tonight, anyway."

 Iolaus smiled pleasantly as Falafel lurched toward the deer carcass.
"I'll go see if he needs any help."

 I stared at Iolaus' back as he stepped out to the ledge. I glanced over
at Autolycus, who'd watched the other two men with narrowed eyes. And then
he caught me looking at him and went back to making torches as if nothing
unusual had happened. 

 I won't say that I slept well that night, but I was so exhausted that at
least my sleep was dreamless. I woke up before dawn to Falafel cursing.
"What the fuck is this?"

 I pried one of my eyes open. He'd rolled up his sleeve and his arm was
covered with red welts. Iolaus skimmed his fingers over the bumps. "Looks
like poison ivy."

 Falafel's eyes bugged out, like they didn't bulge enough to begin with.
"So fix it!"

 Iolaus' eyes glanced over at me and Autolycus, and then he patted Falafel
on the shoulder. "All right, no prob'. I'm sure I'll recall some herbal
remedy I learned in the east."

 Falafel's glare followed Iolaus from the cave, and then he turned it on
Autolycus and me. We both acted like we were doing nothing more than
waking up, looking at the cave wall. I was making a point of minding my
own business when a chunk of cooked venison plated on a big leaf was
dropped beside me. "Eat that," Falafel said. "You need your strength."

 "What about me?" Autolycus said.

 Falafel grunted and pointed to a pile of cooked meat beside the fire. I
saw parchment-thin strips of jerky drying on the smooth rocks all around,
as well as some thin-sliced fruit. "There's water outside," he said,
climbing down from the cave.

 "I get the feeling he suddenly likes you a lot better than he does me,"
Autolycus said, laying into the cooked meat. 

 I shrugged and tried my own portion. It tasted better than the roast at
the last banquet Falafel had prepared in Corinth, though maybe it just
seemed that way because I was so hungry. Still, the meat was crusty and
brown on the outside, tender and juicy inside. 

 We ate in silence, concentrating on getting as much food in us as we
could handle. But eventually I felt full, uncomfortably so, and wondered
what it was I should be doing to contribute to the group effort. So far
I'd made a few misshapen bowls and some torches. What an asset I was.

 Autolycus gave a long sigh as he drained his second leaf-bowl of rain.
"I've been thinking about Hercules."

 I dared a look at him. He seemed comparatively normal, in that his mood
and reactions still seemed to match our situation. "Uh huh?"

 "Maybe once we find our way out of this wilderness, I'll track him down
so we can all stop worrying about him. I'm sure someone's seen him."

 Autolycus was worried about Hercules? I found that somehow endearing. But
more importantly, was I worried about him? I stared down at my pile of
torches. Yeah, I was worried about Hercules. Worried sick. I'd just put
off thinking about him until I got myself sorted out.

 "I found more sap," Iolaus called from the cave mouth. He'd carried it
back to our camp in another of his handy leaf bowls. I wasn't sure if he
winked at me, or it was just a trick of the light.

 I could have sworn that he'd been worried about Hercules, too.

 "Pretty soon we'll have enough torches to explore the cave," he said,
hunkering down to eat a chunk of venison.

 "But the rain's lightened up," Autolycus said. "Don't you think we should
make our way inland and try to figure out where we are?"

 Iolaus looked out. "It just seems lighter now. I don't like the look of
the clouds on the horizon. I think we're in for another downpour."

 Falafel hauled himself over the ledge. He'd made his way up the cliff
face with a huge bundle of wood tied to his back with vines. He was soaked
through from the rain, and a tuft of herb stems protruded from the cuff of
his sleeve on his afflicted arm. "I'm not walking around when it's
lightning out," he said, throwing the bundle down. "One of us could be
struck."

 "By lightning," Autolycus said.

 "That's right."

 "All this work you're putting into the status quo," Autolycus said
carefully, waving his hands to indicate the venison, the torches. "Don't
you think we'd be better off finding a road?"

 "Was I complaining about the work?" Falafel cried. He looked at me. "Did
you hear me complain?"

 "Um, no. No complaints."

 "There. You see?" Falafel planted his hands on his hips and swung around
to face the cave mouth. "You want to find a road so bad? Fine, be my
guest. Go on. Find a road."

 "Take it easy," Autolycus said. "I think we all need to stick together."

 "I think he's right," said Iolaus.

 Falafel glowered. "I'm going to go find more wood for torches."

 "I thought you were worried about being struck by lightning," Autolycus
called after him.

 Falafel's voice dripped ice. "I'll stick close by." 

 I was put off by the number of torches Iolaus seemed to think we'd need,
but he cheerfully suggested it would probably be better to have too many
than too few and end up getting caught in the dark.

 The storm did pick back up after all, and I was glad we hadn't ventured
out of our cave. I curled up in a cloak that Falafel had salvaged, my
stomach full of perfectly cooked venison, and drifted off to sleep.

 A piece of wood popping in the fire woke me up, and I was startled to
find Iolaus lying on his side right next to me, head propped up on the
heel of his hand, staring at my face. Falafel and Autolycus were lumpish
bundles of scavenged garments, one snoring, the other breathing deeply.
Iolaus made no move to stop staring at me once I'd awakened. I raised my
eyebrows. "What?"

 "How're you doing?"

 I wondered what that was supposed to mean. "Fine. Why?"

 He sighed. "Just making sure you're okay." He picked a burr from the
cloak that was wrapped around me and flicked it toward the fire. "It feels
kinda weird, y'know?"

 "What?"

 "Having him gone. Hercules."

 I almost thought he'd forgotten about Hercules. It was a relief to know
he hadn't. I looked past him into the fire. "It's strange," I confessed.
"I never thought I'd be the one worrying about him."

 "We traveled together for a lot of years."

 I nodded.

 "Just used to having the big guy around, I guess." He sat up to brush
something from the leg of his pants, and when he lay back down, he was
even closer to me.

 I tried to stare into the fire some more but couldn't seem to tear my
eyes from his. "Kinda lonely," Iolaus whispered. "Without him."

 I guess I could've backed off when he tilted his lips against mine, but
for whatever reason, I didn't. Maybe I felt sorry for him--or maybe it was
all too surreal. Maybe I'd just secretly wanted to get in Iolaus' pants
ever since I could remember. His fingers wove through my hair and our kiss
deepened. I got one arm free from the cloak wound around me and pulled him
against my chest, and he sighed into my mouth.

 "You feel good," he said, his breath tickling my lower lip.

 My mind was screaming at me, wondering what in Hades I thought I was
doing. I'd always wondered if Hercules and Iolaus were more than just
friends. But what with them both being married, I'd dismissed the idea.
Now I wondered again. Of course, I filtered out all of those notions
before I answered Iolaus. "So do you."

 He nuzzled his face into mine, cupping my jaw. Our scruffy chins rasped
together. And then he took my lower lip between his again, sucking it
gently, tracing its shape with his tongue. I wanted to pull away from him,
at least a lot of me did. Because how would it look if Autolycus or
Falafel saw? What kind of a heel would I be, moving in on my brother's
partner while he was missing--maybe dead?

 But my mouth said yes. And other parts of my body were starting to say
yes, too.

 Iolaus' sigh tickled my lip. "I just want you to hold me for a little
while," he said, tucking his face into the crook of my neck.

 Boy. What kind of heel would I be if I didn't? 

 "I think the rain's gonna let up." Autolycus had been perching at the
cave mouth all morning. As far as I could tell, the rainfall was exactly
the same as it had been since we'd woken up. But I suspected he was
getting a little antsy and so he was seeing what he wanted to see.

 Falafel towered over him. "Those black clouds on the horizon carry
lightning," he said. "Remember how bad it was on the ship?"

 "A little hard to tell with a bag over my head," Auto muttered.

 "It will be more of the same," Falafel said, jabbing his finger toward
the clouds. "You'll see." He fondled the hilt of his knife, his eyes
boring into Autolycus', but then he turned back to the venison. He got
busy working on the carcass; anything he didn't cook or dry that day would
go to waste.

 Iolaus had shown us how to make net sacks out of knotted grasses. I don't
need to go into what mine looked like. Luckily, he was quick enough to
crank out an extra one for me. "I think we could go deeper into the
caves," he said, his fingers flying over the dried grass. He was braiding
some kind of strap. "We've got food, water and light." I didn't even want
to think about the waterskins he'd fashioned out of a dead man's leather
pants. Maybe it'd be dark enough that I wouldn't have to dwell on their
origins.

 "I don't see how that'll help us," Autolycus said, edging away from
Falafel. "What we need is a road, a town, a few quick horses. I doubt
we'll find any of that in the cave."

 "Tell him," Falafel muttered, thwacking a hunk of meat into smaller
chunks.

 Iolaus sighed, grinning. "Well, okay. I was gonna surprise you, but since
you're being like that...." He drew a thick roll of birch bark from his
vest and handed it to Autolycus.

 "What's this?"

 "I found it stuck in a crevice a little ways in."

 "What's that writing? It looks Sumerian."

 I edged around to try to get a look at it. Not that I read Sumerian.

 "I think it is," Iolaus said. "And that little twist you see right after
the beginning? That's right there in the tunnel."

 "A map," Autolycus said, tracing his fingertip over the route. "Well.
That sheds a whole new light on things."

 "Figures," said Falafel.

 "Thought you'd be happy," Autolycus replied. "You've been trying to get
us deeper into the cave for how long?"

 "I have not. I just refuse to go out into the storm, and exploring is
more productive than sitting on our hands."

 "What do you think it is?" I asked, craning my neck to get a look at the
thing.

 "We can't just assume it's treasure," Autolycus said. "It could be any
number of things."

 "Such as?" Iolaus asked.

 "Well...maybe a Sumerian cave dweller was trying to show another Sumerian
cave dweller the way to his house."

 "Sure," Iolaus said, clapping Autolycus on the shoulder as he turned back
to his knotting.

 The appearance of the map seemed to get all of us working more
industriously, and pretty soon we had all of our stuff bundled and tied to
our backs. My load seemed pretty heavy. Not that I'm complaining. I was
the biggest guy there. It just made me wonder, is all. How many trips into
the rain had Iolaus and Falafel made to gather all the stuff up?

 Iolaus had me pack a couple tomatoes in my sack. I still hadn't brought
myself to try one since Autolycus seemed so vehement about them being
poisonous. But since Iolaus had proven so knowledgeable about most
everything else, I brought a couple along.

 But pretty soon I didn't have time to worry about anything other than
where I was going to put my next footstep. The cave started out innocently
enough, wide enough for us to walk two abreast and the ceiling far over
our heads, but in the time it took for two torches to burn down the way
narrowed, sometimes to the point where I had to take off my pack and turn
sideways to squeak through.

 "C'mon," Autolycus called from somewhere up ahead. "Or are we gonna have
to grease you?"

 Just ahead of me, Iolaus turned and watched me struggle. In the
flickering light of the torch he carried, I could make out the faintest
smile on his face.

 "What?" I said, once I'd found a stretch where I could breathe easily for
a little while.

 Iolaus raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me that didn't give you any ideas,"
he said under his breath.

 Great. I got to be distracted by the thought that Iolaus had just flirted
with me. As if I wasn't having a hard enough time keeping up. Holding him
against me, kissing him a time or two--that, I could rationalize, tell
myself it was only about comfort. But Iolaus giving me that look and
talking about greased bodies was definitely harder to ignore. Especially
since my dick seemed to think it was a fine idea.

 "You need help?" Falafel said, coming up behind me.

 His tone wasn't nasty or anything, but it still bothered me. Because he
always used to call me King Iphicles. I'd noticed that because everyone
else calls me Your Majesty, so between that and his accent, it kinda stood
out. But now? Now it's no title at all. "Uh, no. I got it." I hefted my
pack and moved on.

 There were spots where the trail turned downward and deeper into the
earth, but the others were undaunted by the prospect of descending.
Watching Autolycus navigate a vertical shaft with a torch in one hand is a
thing of beauty. I could've sold tickets. And he claimed he was having an
off day because "someone" had taken his grappling hook.

 I handled myself well enough on the drop, though I wouldn't have wanted
to do it one-handed. I also didn't relish the thought of climbing back up,
but I felt like I'd look like a sissy if I said anything about it. We
trudged, and rappeled, and squeezed on. 

 And when one torch started to gutter out, we lit another one. Pretty soon
my pack felt a little lighter, as did everyone else's, and we counted ten
torches that we'd burned through. I have no idea how long our improvised
torches burned, a candlemark, or more, or less...but it was some kind of
way to measure time, at least, and to feel confident that my weariness was
due to a need for sleep and not some weakness in my character.

 "How far along are we?" I called up to Autolycus. "Is it a good time to
rest?"

 "We're just over halfway there," he said. "Maybe we should push on."

 We all gathered close, Autolycus holding the map so we all could see it
and Iolaus raising his torch high. "No," Falafel said. "I'm tired. We
should sleep."

 I saw the sheen of sweat on his cheekbones in the torchlight. I didn't
feel any better than he looked, my arms scraped by the cave walls and my
thighs screaming at me from all the climbing I'd done. "All right," I
said. "We'll set some watches to keep the torches burning."

 "Should we draw straws to see who gets a middle shift?" Autolycus asked.

 "Don't worry about it," said Iolaus. I'll take one."

 "So will I," I blurted out because I needed to feel like I was able to do
something at least as well as the others, even if that thing was just
waking up.

 "You take the first watch," Falafel said to Autolycus. "I'm tired." I
watched Falafel out of the corner of my eye as he tightened the herbal
poultice on his arm, kicked a few stones away and lay down on the rocky
floor. He crossed his arms over his chest and shut his eyes, and soon his
breathing deepened and slowed.

 I'd expected Autolycus to come up with one of his zingers, but he was
watching Falafel out of the corner of his eye, too. I wanted to be
heartened by that, but before I could think much of it, Iolaus was
pressing the waterskin into my hands. "Don't drink too much--we've got to
conserve it. But at least take a few good swallows."

 Iolaus. I nearly choked on the first swallow when I realized he'd be
waking me for my watch, or me him, and we'd be the only ones awake. Alone.
Together.

 "Hey, that's supposed to go down your throat," said Autolycus, "not out
your nose. Gimme that."

 I surrendered the waterskin to Autolycus, trying to make my coughs less
conspicuous and echoey by muffling my mouth with my palms. Great, just
great. Now I couldn't even drink right. 

 I woke to the feel of a hand clasped on my shoulder.

 "Hey. Iphilcles."

 I pried my eyes open to find Iolaus crouched over me. He looked...normal,
I guess. Like a guy I just happened to be stuck on a Mediterranean island
with. Like an acquaintance I had who was really much closer to my brother
than he was to me. Like a regular guy.

 And then he smiled.

 "Um, hey." I rolled out from under him, feeling way too much like prey.
I'm too big to be worrying about things like that.

 "How'd you sleep?" He said it in a whisper, but his voice carried well
enough. And the softness lent a seductive edge to it that I really didn't
want to deal with.

 "Fine," I said, making a show of checking the torch. "How many of these
do I let burn down until I wake Falafel up?"

 "Just one," Iolaus said. "Like I said, gotta conserve."

 I nodded and kept on staring at the torch, thinking that maybe Iolaus
would be as tired as I was, or that maybe he could take a hint.

 "You sure you slept okay?" His voice was a purr, behind me and right in
my ear, and I nearly jumped out of my skin as his fingertips made their
way up my bare arms. "Because you look a little stiff to me."

 Great. Iolaus, the comedian.

 His hands caressed their way up to my shoulders and his thumbs sank into
twin points on either side of my spine that released every tension that
had ever been in my body. I made a noise something like, "Uuhn."

 "There." I felt the word against the back of my neck. "Feel better?"

 Better? I was incredible. And although my brain was beseeching me to put
some distance between Herc's partner and me, my body was pretty damn
interested in what else his hands could do. "Yeah."

 "Good." He drew the word out, his breath warm on my skin. And as I'd
hoped they would, his hands continued to roam my back, finding a few
stubborn remaining knots and releasing them. My body grew so light, so
relaxed, that even though I was crouched on a damp cave floor, it felt
like I was floating. By the time his hands slid around to my chest, I was
so relaxed I couldn't even muster up a token protest.

 He pulled the thongs away that held my vest shut, and the heavy leather
top slipped from my shoulders, its own weight pulling it down. Iolaus let
go of me long enough to pull the vest into position beneath us so that we
could both tip sideways onto it. 

 It seemed like it should have been easier with him behind me like that,
his hands tracing the muscles of my abdomen and chest, raking patterns
through my chest hair and teasing at my nipples. Except it wasn't, really,
because for every time I thought how good something felt, my mind would
add, "Yeah, but that's Iolaus." And that annoying mind was even more
insistent since I couldn't see him.

 But boy, could I feel him. A whole hard handspan of him, pressed into my
low back. When had he got his trousers down?

 I froze where I was, all of my attention drawing into a point at the
bottom of my spine. And now my mind wasn't telling me, "That's Iolaus,"
anymore. It was going, "That's Iolaus' cock."

 "Feel that?" he whispered.

 I tried a few times before I could form a sound. "Uh huh."

 He ground it into me. "You feel so good." His hands roamed over the front
of me with more enthusiasm, skirting lower, brushing against my waistband.
"Nice, hard body."

 I dunno if he meant "body" or something even more specific, which was
also nice and hard. And which he ran his palm over as he said it. Even
though I couldn't see him, I closed my eyes and tried to will my mind to
go blank. Except it kept wondering why my body would feel like anything
special compared to Hercules'. I mean, yeah--I'm pretty big. But so's he. 

 "C'mon," Iolaus said, and in my self-imposed and unsuccessful blankness,
I let him arrange me like a ridiculously huge puppet. "Turn over so I can
kiss you again."

 Again, my mind said "no" while my body said, "oh boy." It was getting
stale, that mind/body battle, and I'd either need to quit getting it on
with Iolaus or quit worrying about it. But then his tongue grazed my lower
lip while his hand slid beneath my waistband, and I guess I spontaneously
quit worrying about it. Not much room for worry when such agile fingers
manage to find that wet spot in the slit of my cock and smooth it around
the head with just the perfect amount of slippery pressure.

 And his tongue was just as agile as his fingers.

 He pressed his mouth over mine just as I started moaning. "Shh, careful,"
he breathed into my mouth. I opened my eyes and found his eyes crinkled in
a smile. "Yeah, I know. Feels incredible."

 My hands had located his body by this time, all that smooth, bare flesh
he's got no problem showing off with that tattered vest he's always
wearing. I slid that off carefully, figuring that it might disintegrate
after all it's been through. I fingered the snake medallion that hangs
mid-chest on him, but he pulled it off and dropped it on top of the vest.

 I never knew clothes could be so loud. Even though my leathers were
crackly with brine, they still managed to squeak as I tried to squirm out
of them. I considered just leaving the pants around my knees. But heck, if
I was gonna get caught, buck naked seemed at least a little more dignified
than half-mast leather pants.

 Iolaus drew his palm down my body from shoulder to thigh. "Mmm, yeah." I
could barely hear it, but it made me feel like I'd made the right choice.
About the clothing, anyway.

 An unmistakably smooth hardness filled my hand, and my fingers wrapped
around it of their own accord. Iolaus sighed and thrust lightly into my
loose fist. His fingers trailed inward, stroking my inner thighs with a
pressure that would have tickled unbearably had it only been a fraction
lighter.

 I let go of his cock and smacked my palm over his maddening fingers, but
he took it in stride. I'm not sure if he winked at me or if it was just a
play of the flickering torchlight, but he seemed pretty unperturbed about
taking his hands elsewhere.

 He eased me onto my back, straddled me, and then slid his erection right
up next to mine, stroking them together with easy flicks of his hips. His
hands roamed over my chest, fingers brushing my nipples as if by accident,
each touch forcing out a moan that I had to swallow.

 Then Iolaus' hands slid low again, and my body bucked as he pressed my
cock against his and started jerking them off with both hands. I stared at
that, our cockheads peeking up over his interlaced fingers, his narrow
hips thrusting into his hands, and then I looked him in the eye. He wet
his lips and nailed me with a look that was pure sex. I closed my eyes and
tried to tell myself he was just having a really good time, but that look
still sent a chill through me. I wondered if that was how he used to look
at Hercules. 

 "I'm sure he knows now. All because you couldn't keep it in your pants."

 Okay, that was definitely not part of my dream. The one where I went to
the tutor's house but the exam was on some subject I'd never studied
before.

 But I couldn't quite place the voice. Which seemed pretty dumb, since I
was stuck in a cave with only three other guys. Autolycus was easy enough
to rule out. As was Iolaus, who'll be saying, "C'mon, stud. Come for me,"
in my head now every time he opens his mouth.

 That left Falafel. But it sure didn't sound like him.

 "Relax," said Iolaus, "he doesn't know. How could he know?"

 "If you don't act right, we're gonna get caught, and that's that."

 Aha! That's it! Falafel, but without his accent. And Iolaus was right, I
didn't know what in Hades that meant. But I did have a sneaking suspicion
it couldn't be good.

 "Oh, like you're acting right," Iolaus said.

 "I'm talking the talk, I'm cooking the food, and I'm not fucking them, if
that's what you mean."

 Did he have to make it sound so dirty? I needed a bath.

 "You're just crabby because you're not used to getting so tired. I don't
know why you chose that old, worn-out one, anyway," said Iolaus. He didn't
seem particularly upset. "I thought for sure you'd take Iphicles."

 Falafel snorted. "Every time I tried, he woke up. Dawn was coming, what
else could I do? I wasn't going to take the thief."

 "Why do you hate Auto so much? I think he's kind of charming, in his
own--"

 "Shh."

 A little movement to one side of me, in the spot where Autolycus had been
lying the night before. "What're you two looking at?" he asked Falafel and
Iolaus. His voice seemed loud and echoey after the others' hushed tones.
But it gave me a good enough excuse to open my eyes and pretend I hadn't
been awake a moment before.

 "The torches are okay?" I asked.

 Iolaus looked hard at Falafel, and then looked down at our supplies.
"Sure, they're fine."

 "Okay, then," I said, trying to sound natural. "I guess we should eat
something and get going, since we're all awake." It wasn't easy--sounding
natural, that is. Because my brain was busy screaming out, "That's not
Falafel." Weird, huh? But if that's not bad enough, take it to the logical
conclusion: that's not Iolaus.

 Then who the fuck did I sleep with?

 Autolycus studied the map while Falafel glowered at each of us in turn,
and Iolaus seemed a little subdued. No whistling, winking or suggestive
comments. But hey, it was still early.

 I tried to pair myself up with Autolycus somehow for the day's hike. I
didn't really know him, but judging by the way the other two were talking,
at least he really was still Autolycus. I tried to figure out some way to
broach the subject to him. "Something's taken over Iolaus' and Falafel's
bodies and I think they're taking us somewhere so that other ones can get
us, too." Yeah, that'd be smooth.

 But it didn't matter, because Autolycus clung to the walls like a fresco.
When he finally did meet my eyes, he turned away so fast I thought maybe
he heard a body-stealing monster behind us or something.

 By then a huge crevasse came up to distract us. According to the map, it
looked like it would be a hop, skip and a jump to the "treasure" once we'd
scrambled down that whopping hole in the earth. I watched Falafel fasten a
vine to a stalagmite and play its length out down the hole. "I'll go," he
said, with his accent. And just like that, he was gone, vanished down a
disproportionately scary crack in the ground. In the dark, no less, since
the only one adept at one-handed rope tricks was Autolycus. "And bring
that light down," he commanded, just as I thought it. I found it mildly
comforting that he couldn't see in the dark any better than me.

 Autolycus disappeared over the edge, still not looking at me. Iolaus held
a second torch that he'd extinguish for his own climb once the light was
firmly situated below us. I stopped breathing for a second, wondering how
I was supposed to react to Iolaus-who-wasn't-Iolaus once we were alone
together. Unless I could figure out how to handle him, I was positive he'd
know that I was on to him. Should I flirt? Act embarrassed? Fuck, I had no
idea. Like it wouldn't have been awkward enough to sleep with Iolaus; I
had to go and fuck Not-Iolaus.

 "Listen," I said, "about last night...."

 The Fates must have been smiling at me, because Iolaus jumped in to fill
my pained pause. "Don't worry," he said, placing his index finger over his
lips like he was shushing himself. "Mum's the word."

 My relief was palpable enough to convince him that I didn't know. Heck,
it almost convinced me. "Okay, good." And with that I eased myself over
the edge and began my descent.

 About halfway down a quick scuffle sounded, so minor that I normally
wouldn't have thought much of it. But then Autolycus' voice rang out.

 "Ha-ha! Thought you could just herd me to the slaughter without a peep,
did ya?"

 Iolaus started shimmying down the vine above me. I had no idea whether it
would even hold our combined weight, but some stubborn part of me thought
that I should at least hang there in the middle and block his way; it was
the least I could do.

 I glanced up at Iolaus' approaching feet, and then down at the pair of
men illuminated by the flickering torch. Light glinted off steel,
Falafel's long dagger now in Autolycus' hand, point-first at Falafel's
throat.

 "The two of you can just start climbing back up," Autolycus called out,
though his eyes stayed riveted on Falafel. "The King of Thieves will not
be appearing on the menu today."

 I stayed fixed in place while Iolaus continued to descend.

 "I mean it," Autolycus said, his voice sounding tighter, maybe even
panicked. "Turn around or the scary one gets it."

 And then that scary one--er, Falafel--moved so fast it was a blur. His
hand arced around and knocked that knife away so hard that I heard
Autolycus' arm crunch. An image of the deer with its head half-pulped came
to mind.

 Crap. I should've gone down there to help him.

 "Go on, Iphicles," Iolaus said from just above me. "It's not much
farther."

 I slid the rest of the way down and took stock of the situation. Falafel
had a knife. Iolaus had a knife. Autolycus' arm was broken, and though he
still had another good arm, I doubted it would be enough to give me an
edge over both Iolaus and Falafel.

 "Come on," Falafel barked, without pretense of an accent this time.
"Hustle."

 Autolycus swung around and met my eyes. "At least you could tell me how
you did it. You owe me that much."

 "I didn't do anything," said, my voice coming out overloud and defensive.

 "C'mon." Iolaus said, nudging me forward while Falafel propelled
Autolycus with a shove. "It'll all be over shortly."

 "Great," I muttered, shuffling down the tunnel. I wasn't sure which was
worse--that Autolycus' promising escape attempt had been cut off, or that
he thought I was one of them. I looked back over my shoulder at Iolaus.
"Care to tell me what's going on?"

 He gave a little shrug. "You'll see soon enough."

 I guess he was no longer smitten enough with me that I could wring any
special favors out of him. I should've thought about that before I put
out.

 We rounded a bend in the tunnel and saw golden light dancing against the
cave walls, and I supposed the end really was near. I didn't hear the
crackling of a fire big enough to splash light around like that, but
Iolaus and Falafel herded us around the next corner before I could
hypothesize what else would make that kind of light.

 Which is just as well. Because I never would've guessed.

 Three statues outlined in writhing, crackling strands of brilliant white
light all strained up toward a golden apple that floated above them, just
beyond their collective grasp.

 "Wow," said Iolaus. "I wondered what we'd look like."

 Autolycus edged forward, cradling his arm. "Okay, now I'm really
confused."

 Falafel approached the blinding white light, his hands tracing around one
of the figures without actually touching it. "So what do you think?" he
asked Iolaus. "We use these bodies we're in to knock ours out of there and
then change over?"

 I stared hard at him. So there wasn't someone waiting to wear my body
like a new tunic? But there were three statues trapped in the apple
lightning, not two. I looked harder through the shooting white light, my
stomach turning over when I realized the statue in the middle was
Hercules.

 "But what if they just get stuck, too?" said Iolaus. "I mean, it got all
three of us once Discord popped out."

 "Ares!" Autolycus blurted out. We all swung around to look at him. His
unbroken arm pointed at Falafel. "I know you." He swung around to check
the three statues again and then turned his accusations toward Iolaus.
"And you--you're Apollo!"

 Oh, right. The Olympians are among us. But the way Iolaus just tipped his
head--regal, more regal than I've ever been able to do it even after
months upon months of boring state functions--is what chilled me to the
bone.

 "And you," Autolycus went on, pointing now at me. He peeked over his
shoulder and checked the figures again. "Ah...the apple?"

 Falafel rolled his eyes. "Quit spouting nonsense and go in there and free
me."

 "Don't count on it," said Autolycus. Cocky, for having one shattered arm.
"Mortal bodies and lightning don't mix very well."

 Falafel--um, Ares--loomed closer to him. "I didn't say you had a choice."

 "Now hold on," said Iolaus. Er, Apollo. He linked his arm through Ares'
and studied the three trapped figures. "No need to ruin everything by
being too hasty."

 Ares glowered at him, at me, and especially at Autolycus. But he waited
to see what Apollo wanted to do.

 "That's Hera's apple so it must be her magic. Who else would be strong
enough to hold both of us?"

 Falafel grunted. "And Hercules."

 "And Hercules," Apollo agreed. Watching Iolaus' mouth form Hercules' name
without any particular emotion behind it was downright spooky.

 "And so she trapped Discord in there," Ares went on, piecing the whole
thing together. "But Discord put her spirit in a mortal girl to lure
someone here to get her out. Someone strong."

 Apollo nodded. "And when we came to get the apple--bam! It got us, too."

 We all stared at the blinding light show for a while. It seemed so
obvious to me what they needed to do, but I assumed that since the idea
was mine, it must be useless. Still, we all stared until my eyes started
tearing up, and no one said anything. Until finally I was tired of making
my eyes hurt.

 "So you've got to get rid of the apple," I said.

 All three of the others turned and stared at me.

 "I mean, Hera's magic apple must be connected to her power, right?"

 Ares took a step towards me "That 'magic apple' is the last fruit from
the Tree of Life, which your brother stood by and watched Callisto burn to
ashes. It's not some trinket to wantonly destroy."

 I considered defending Hercules. How was he supposed to put out a
massive, god-fueled fire without any water? But I looked into Ares' gaze
behind Falafel's eyes and decided I wasn't feeling suicidal. I just
shrugged.

 But Autolycus seemed a lot more relaxed without Ares breathing down his
neck. He stroked his chin as he continued to stare at the spectacle. "What
if you just...moved it a little? It is forming a perfect pyramid, hovering
above the three of you just like that."

 "Go on," said Apollo.

 "You know," explained Autolycus. "Knock it off its axis."

 "That does seem safer than trying to touch it and getting pulled in,"
Apollo said, nodding.

 Ares grabbed Autolycus by his broken arm. Autolycus cringed, but kept
whatever sound he'd almost made trapped between clenched teeth. "Do not
harm it. Am I clear?"

 "Crystal." Autolycus took a few trembling breaths once Ares released him,
and then started rummaging around one-handed in his pack.. "Ah ha!" he
cried a moment later, holding up a large, ripe tomato. "Golden apple, meet
love apple!"

 He circled the trio of lightning-wrapped figures slowly, tilting his head
this way and that. "Okay, Iphicles, if that even is you in there. Stand
opposite me and get ready to catch it."

 "The tomato?" I said.

 Apollo put his hand on my arm. "Seriously," he whispered. "The Apple of
the Hesperides is priceless."

 "Oh."

 It was almost comical the way Autolycus poked his tongue out to make that
throw. Almost. Except that his other arm was hanging funny at his side.
And my old pal Falafel looked like he wanted to break every other bone in
Autolycus' body. And my brother stood frozen between us with miniature
lightnings crackling all around him. And I'd just slept with Iolaus, who
wasn't even Iolaus.

 "Batter up," Autolycus cried, flinging the tomato.

 I'd thought for sure he was going to try something shady--maybe nail Ares
in the face while I subdued Apollo. But no, that tomato hit the last Apple
of the Hesperides with a splat that made the whole world lurch.

 I corrected my course--I'd been easing toward Apollo, you see--and
grabbed at the Apple. It flew from my grasp, slippery and hard. I grabbed
again, and almost had it. One more grab, landing me right on my stomach,
and I had the golden prize clutched between my slimy, seedy hands.

 Sparks flew all around me, flashes of crazy colored light popping up
everywhere, and once the dust settled, Apollo, Ares and Hercules were made
of flesh and blood instead of lightning.

 "Here," said Apollo with a winning smile, crouching beside my head. Whoa.
I'd slept with him? I'd need a few minutes to remember how to breathe.
"Give it to me."

 "Oh no." Ares strode out from behind a bewildered-looking Falafel,
utterly massive in head-to-toe studded black leather. He flanked me from
the opposite side. "Give it to me."

 And directly in front of me, Hercules' calm eyes met mine as he extended
his hand. 

 He's my brother. He didn't have to ask. I reached just a little farther
and pressed the cool apple into his palm.

 Even over Ares' angry roar, I heard Apollo give an irritated, "Tch." He
shook his head over me as he stood up. "Such a disappointment."

 "We can take him," said Ares, falling into a defensive crouch as Hercules
backed up a couple of steps.

 "Get real," Apollo sighed. "He'd destroy the thing before he gave it to
you."

 Ares pivoted to face Apollo. "Would it kill you to back me up just this
once?"

 "Sorry, bro. I don't play on the losing team." He glanced down at me like
I was something he'd just scraped off his shoe, and then tossed his hair
into a more-perfect tumble of blond waves and crossed his arms. Brilliant
blue-white lights sparkled around him, and he was gone.

 Meanwhile, Iolaus advanced to Hercules' side, brandishing a torch like he
meant business. That's the real Iolaus for you, willing to fight a god
with a greasy stick if it'll help his best friend out.

 "Apollo's right, you know," said Hercules. "One step closer and this
thing is applesauce."

 Ares' eyes flickered from the apple to Hercules' eyes as if to try and
call his bluff. He gritted his teeth and made his choice. "If I can't have
it, then no one can," he cried, lunging for Hercules.

 He was quick, but Hercules was quicker. A flex of Hercules' fingers, and
the last Apple of the Hesperides was no more.

 Ares stared at the ruined apple, mouth working. After some while, he
managed to find words. "This...is not over." A column of red flame
enveloped Ares and then flickered out, leaving nothing behind but a bad
memory. 

 "Well, well, well," Autolycus said, clapping me on the shoulder as he
joined me at the trireme's bow. His arm was none the worse for wear once
he'd eaten what we could scrape together of the Applesauce of the
Hesperides. "Looks like I'll be received in Corinth as a hero and not a
criminal."

 I shrugged and stared out over the waves. "I always knew you didn't kill
Hercules."

 "I think you know a lot more than you let on," said Autolycus, leaning on
the rail beside me. "When exactly did you figure out that Iolaus and
Falafel weren't who they seemed to be?"

 "I was never entirely sure," I hedged, trying to avoid letting him know
that it took two overheard conversations and a naked tumble before I'd
actually caught on. "But they did seem to be acting funny after that very
first night."

 Autolycus smoothed his mustache and nodded. "But what impressed me the
most was the way you caught 'em off guard--playing dumb, following Apollo
around with that cow-eyed look. You almost had me fooled, too."

 I nodded, and hoped he'd attribute my burning cheeks to the brisk sea
air.  
   
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