by anonymous co
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Aren't mine, don't own 'em, thought they were cute and might like to have some fun. Besides, talk about subtext. This is JiM's fault, and Bone's. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. But
This story is a sequel to: Easy Come, Easy Go
It's been a long couple of weeks, Fraser and I have been dancing around each other and not connecting, and I admit it, I've been an asshole. A complete and total asshole. Especially the last couple of days. The only excuse I've got is that, yeah, I'm damaged, and Luanne Russell looked like something I could have that was normal.
But if I'd really wanted that, I wouldn't have been so ready to believe she was dirty, would I?
So now I feel like shit because I didn't believe her, and I feel like shit because even though I've been acting like an ass with Fraser, he hasn't punched me out or kicked me in the head. Not that he would, but he hasn't even been an ass back, and believe me, I deserve it. And top it off, I'm enough of a shit to talk to him about how I fucked it up, and it just hit me that's not buddies, let alone whatever the hell we were for about a week.
The Ice Queen has been on the rampage lately. She had to go to Ottawa for a week, and once she got back she was all over Turnbull and Fraser both, and I was still feeling burned anyway, so we haven't seen a lot of each other off duty.
So I'm trying to eat this spaghetti-believe me, I may be Polish, but Fraser's idea of spaghetti and mine just do not mix well-and another thing hits me. I'm talking about Luanne and what kinda asshole I am to decide that because she's interested in me she's gotta be bad, and it hits me.
I'm talking about Fraser, too.
I'm glad we're sitting by this little campfire-which I should be arresting him for, by the way, and if a uniform comes by, we're both going to be in deep shit-because nobody could tell that I'm turning red all the way down to my socks.
I clear my throat, cough. He looks at me in that Fraser way. Nothing showing on his face. "I'm sorry." Very small voice.
"For what, Ray?" Nothing, but nothing, showing.
"For all of this." I wave my hand vaguely. If he tries to fake me out now, then I know I screwed the pooch for real. He won't let me in again, and I don't blame him.
But he doesn't. He just nods, and now I can see it, he looks a little sad. "Understood."
It makes my throat hurt. Sometimes I think I really do have that multiple personality thing. "I guess I freaked out."
One corner of his mouth lifts, but I don't think the smile is getting all the way to his eyes. "You were behaving uncharacteristically. Did you really think I was attracted to Miss Russell?"
Did I? Beats the fuck out of me. I shrug and put the spaghetti aside. Dief noses it like he's not at all sure about it, which is funny because Dief ate the roasted roots things without slowing down. "I dunno. I dunno what I thought. Except that everything I just said about Luanne also holds for you."
He looks startled at that. "What?"
"You know, if somebody terrific acts like they're interested in me, I gotta wonder why. I gotta figure there's a catch." I'm cold all of a sudden and hold my hands out to the fire, even though it's really not that cold tonight. "I gotta figure there's a reason it's not going to work. So I fuck it up ahead of time."
He thinks that over. "Ah."
We sit there silently for a while and he pokes at the fire. Sighs. "I do understand, Ray. I have my own-doubts. Since you evidently know about Victoria Metcalf-" Another sigh.
Duh. The light goes on again. Get your head out of your ass, Kowalski. I'm scared, he's scared. I knew that, but why didn't I know that. "So you figure if you care about somebody, you gotta watch it you don't get in too far?"
He nods, still staring at the flames. "I think that's a fairly accurate summation."
Boy, that hurts.
And what did I do? I acted like an ass. I was all over Luanne like a cheap suit. Hey, a woman who likes me, a chance to have something that doesn't involve pissing my parents off again, watch me act like Dief with a doughnut, never mind the person I care about is watching the whole thing unfold like a bad soap opera. I huddle into my jacket, wishing&.I dunno, wishing I was somebody else. Somebody smarter.
"It's all right, Ray." He's looking at me now, and that one corner of his mouth lifts up again. This time, I think it's getting to his eyes. "Unless you don't want it to be."
I stare at him. "You are unhinged, Fraser. I was a complete jerk." A little hoarsely.
Now his mouth is out and out twitching. "I do confess to the urge to thump you in the head."
"You did," I tell him. "Yesterday morning."
Now both corners of his mouth lift up. "Yes, I suppose I did. I was afraid if I actually touched you, the entire block would be treated to a spectacle bordering on the pornographic, and since that didn't seem to be either the time or place&."
Whoa. I'm hot inside my clothes again, but it's got nothing to do with embarrassment. Pornographic? Did that just come out of Fraser's mouth? "You aren't mad at me?" Amazed.
He flicks his eyebrows. "I was," he admits.
Oh, God, I wanna climb in his lap. "But you're not now?"
Patient look. "Ray, if you'll recall, I said I was just as human as you. That requires me also to be aware that my own behavior led us some of the way to this difficulty." Very gently.
I translate that. Swallow hard. "I zigged when I should have zagged."
He doesn't get that, he gives me that cautious Do-You-Need-Thorazine look. "What?"
I wave my hand again. "Never mind." And then, because I'm a schmuck, I edge over a little closer to him. Just because it feels good. I can feel him look at me, but I'm looking at the fire, and ruffling Dief's ears to thank him for taking the spaghetti off his hands.
After a minute, a big hand rubs the back of my neck and I lean into it, feeling like a little kid again, all sins forgiven, all the trouble gone, and I don't deserve it, God, but I'm awful damn grateful. Oh, yeah.
So, he tells me some more goofy ghost stories, and I tell him a couple from my lost childhood and then he takes care of the remains of the fire, and we pack everything up and hoof it back to the car.
It's a weeknight, so I take him back to the Consulate and before he gets out, he looks at me, looks around at the deserted street, and leans in. One hand goes around the back of my head, and his mouth is over mine, that tongue licking every single place on the inside of my mouth, and I am rocking with that, believe me, I grab him hard and kiss him back, trying to put everything into one kiss.
After a minute, he laughs into my mouth and pulls away. "We're going to get arrested."
I'm breathing hard. "We're in my car, we're both fully dressed, and I'm a cop."
He smiles a little. "Good night, Ray."
Aaargh. "Night, Fraser." Well, I gotta earn back some trust, I guess, and that's fair, I was a jerk.
He touches my mouth with one finger and gets out of the car, grabs all his stuff, and lets Dief out of the back. "Perhaps we could take in a movie this weekend." Tentative.
I get a lump in my throat. He's not taking anything on faith at this point, and that's okay. I didn't take anything on faith either, I sort of blew it, and he's giving me another chance. Please God, don't let me screw this up. "Sounds great to me. Look in the paper, see what looks good."
Oh, yeah, the smile I get then is worth the last few weeks. "I will."
He closes the door and I watch him go up to the door, unlock it. He lifts a hand at me before he goes in and then I leave.
I really am an asshole. Or something.
We don't make it to the movies. Fraser hurt his back, the big dumb Mountie, jumping out a second story window. I can't believe he did that.
I really can't believe he did that. I'm a little stiff myself, and my ears are still ringing, but not as bad as he is. So, instead of the movie, I've got him just where I want him, flat on his belly on my bed with a tube of sports rub, tux jacket and shirt off and an IOU for air.
He's making noises like I've only heard from him in bed, all right, but this time it's because I'm giving him a rubdown that has nothing to do with his dick. Muscles are all knotted up, and I'm just concentrating on one little knot after another, trying not to think about the fact that his skin is warm and smooth and my dick likes that a lot.
There's a scar on his back. I knew about it, I read the case file, but seeing is believing, and I can't believe how close it must have come to paralyzing him. "How's that feel?"
He groans. "If you can't tell, Ray, you aren't listening."
I grin at that. I'm sitting on his ass, more or less, but I'm trying to keep my weight off. "Take a deep breath, Fraser and then let it out."
He does, and I press down real careful. Friend of mine at the gym taught me this, and I hear some crackling sounds as his back goes back into place. "Oh!" Surprised.
"That should do it for ya." I lean over and kiss the spot between his shoulder blades, get just a little of the sports rub on my tongue. "That stuff tastes crappy." I mutter and move up to kiss the back of his neck. "How come you let that shark in your underwear?"
"I wasn't wearing it at the time, Ray." He laughs a little, but doesn't move.
"Well, I knew you had more sense than that." At least I think I did. Even if he kissed her. Or she kissed him. I get off him and stretch out beside him on my side.
Maybe he's got a weakness for hard luck stories. Hell, I know he does, I'm here with him, right?
He looks at me, all rumpled and human, still flat on his belly. "That feels much better, thank you kindly."
I touch the tip of his nose. "You're welcome. Remember, stairs. New invention. I bet they even have them up north."
He grins a little. "Yes, in point of fact."
"Thought so." I wanted to kick some Feeb heads tonight, but I don't say anything about that. Tomorrow is Saturday, not a weekday. I think about that. We haven't even managed weekends together in a couple of weeks. "You oughta sleep on a real bed tonight." Real soft.
He smiles at me. "You think so?"
"I do." I touch his shoulder. "How is it now?"
"Better." He smiles again. "I don't have any clothes here, except my uniform and this."
"We can go get some," I offer. "And I got a toothbrush here for you."
He reaches out and touches my mouth. Shifts a little bit. "That would be very nice."
I really don't wanna just jump him. Sure, every nerve is awake and wondering what's taking me so long, but this is good, this is almost back to where we were before we both got nervous. Maybe better, I dunno.
Slow, Fraser said. Well, this is slow.
So I lean in and risk a kiss, real gentle, rub the warm skin between his shoulder blades. "Stairs," I tell him when I lean back again. "Remember that." Dief, who is sulking on the floor since Fraser wouldn't let him get on the bed, whines. "See, he agrees with me."
He laughs a little. "He has hopes for pizza," he say, then touches my mouth again. "Actually, I think Dief is very fond of you."
"You think?" I narrow my eyes. "Or is it just the pizza?"
"Both." He sighs and rolls to his side. "This is a surprisingly comfortable bed."
I see the gleam in his eyes and wait for it. You have to pay attention, Fraser's sense of humour has to be appreciated.
"The company is good, Dief enjoys your taste in food." Wicked little smile, just a flicker. "Actually, I'd be very happy to stay."
"Great." I rub his shoulder. "You up to getting up?"
"I think so. I believe your treatment did a great deal of good." He pushes himself up cautiously, swings his legs over the side of the bed. "Much better."
I roll off the other side, crack my neck and grab the shirt. "Here, let me give you a hand."
That gets another one of his real, not-for-every-day smiles. Been a while since I've seen that one, and this one makes my knees wanna wobble a little. But I act cool, keep it together.
Doesn't take long at the Consulate. Fraser gets out of the rest of the tuxedo, and I hang it up while he changes his clothes and grabs a couple of things, clean underwear, shirt, and his shaving kit. Then it's back home again, and it's late, we're both tired, so he gets ready for bed while I lock up and make sure Dief's got food and water.
He's sitting on the edge of the bed in his shorts and t-shirt when I come back, rubbing his eyebrows like he's really tired. I hand him a couple of pillows from the couch. "Might need a few extra," I tell him. "Kinda helps sometimes with the back."
He lifts his head, gives me a curious look. "Do you have back problems, Ray?"
"Nothin' serious. But when I got shot in the warehouse, all that time flat on my back, man, my back hurt like hell for a while." I shrug and take off my watch, put it on the dresser, remembering that. "Took a couple of falls here and there-not jumping out of windows, I gotta say-and wrenched it a couple of times."
He thinks about that, smiles at me. "I'll use the stairs if you manage to keep from leaping through windows." Wicked gleam in those eyes.
I laugh and shuck the jeans, come over to sit beside him on the bed. "I seriously thought about kicking the feebs in the head, but figured you could use my help right away."
"Indeed I did."
Okay, I know I said I wasn't gonna just jump him, but I'm sitting beside a nearly naked Fraser. I might be scared, but I'm not dead, so I lean in again and kiss him, not quite as gentle as before. Careful, though, I don't want to just push him down.
His hand goes around the back of my neck and he is all over that with me, and I shift a little, finally pull away. "Lie down," I tell him firmly.
"Ray," he says, but I put my fingers over his mouth. His tongue flicks out and oh, boy, if I wasn't being stern, I'd knock him down.
Another wicked smile and he gets up, lets me nudge him into bed, turns to face me when I get in beside him. I turn the light off and move closer, letting my eyes get used to the light from the street. He smells good. Not quite like himself, but still good. He put on a little cologne to play the high stakes player, but washed most of it off in the station, so there's just a hint. I put my hand under his t-shirt, just over his ribs, lean in and kiss him again, just teasing his mouth a little with the tip of my tongue. I really am sunk, for real, but at this point, I don't care, screw being scared. Screw all of the baggage. Knowing him makes me a better person somehow, and I can dance to that, oh, yeah.
His hand is warm on my waist for a minute, and then his arm goes around me and he pulls me close, and he's already getting hard, as hard as me, so it's not that I'm just jumping him and talking him into it, and I like that, hell if I don't.
I slide my hand from his ribs to his back, and just rub it, focusing on that fucking hot beautiful mouth. I'm not gonna say this is just for him, I'd be lying, but I want it to be good, and I want it to be careful, and I shift over to push him gently onto his back.
He laughs into my mouth. "Ray, what are you doing?"
I'm being real careful how I rest my weight on him. "You mean you can't tell?"
He pulls me back down for more kissing, and oh, yeah, I can do that, I'm licking my way in and out of some really sensational kissing, and I'm not the only one. I slide my hand into his shorts and wrap my fingers around him, he gasps when I stroke upward. I'm so hard I ache, and I'm rubbing up against his hip as I stroke him off, and if it hadn't been such a damn long day, I'd be doing more than this.
Hey, I'm tired, but he has this effect on me, and anyway, it's been a couple of weeks, and the taste and smell of him is pushing me right over the edge, and he's trying to get his hand inside my shorts. I finally shift enough to let him and oh, Christ, his hand's warm and he knows just how to grip right, and then we're both halfway laughing and kissing and Jesus, it takes me about a second and a half to get there, which is okay, because he tips his head back and he's pumping into my fist, all hot and slippery.
When I can breathe again, I nip his collar bone. "Worse than bein' sixteen again," I mumble into his skin.
"Better than being sixteen," he tells me huskily and his fingers ruffle my hair. "God."
I think about that. "Yeah, no kidding. When I was sixteen I could come if somebody breathed on me."
"I'll have to try that."
Oh, Christ, that makes me throb again, and there's no way. I'm not sixteen. I get rid of my shorts and Fraser pushes himself upright and gets rid of his t-shirt and his shorts, both of which are a little sticky now, and I toss everything on the floor and just wrap myself around him, my head on his chest. I listen to his heartbeat slow down, and he puts his arm over my shoulders, hugs me tight.
"Thanks for stayin'," I tell him.
I feel his chin rub against my hair. "Thank you for asking." Sleepy voice.
I smile into his skin and close my eyes. Second chances. No shit, they're great.
Weekends are good. Weekends with Fraser, well, they fuckin' rock. That's all I have to say on the subject.
I wake up in the morning with my face buried in the back of Fraser's neck, and one leg between his, and his ass snugged up against my morning stiffie. And even though I know I gotta get up and pee, it feels so good I just sort of wind myself tighter around him, even half-asleep.
It's waaaay early, still, which is probably the only reason the Mountie's still mostly asleep. I nuzzle his hair a little, and peel myself away pretty damn grudgingly. He makes a little noise, like a Dief complaint, but I kiss him between the shoulder blades and mutter something about the bathroom.
I take care of business and then veer into the kitchen. Yup, I still got tea, no problem, and I actually got some bagels and cream cheese the other day. I don't know if Fraser's into bagels, but considering what else he'll eat-roasted roots, for God's sake-I figure it's worth a try.
Now that I know that, I stumble back to bed and wrap myself back around him. Big, warm Mountie, and I'm damned if I know why that's such a turn-on. Maybe that's not it, maybe it's just that this is my big warm Mountie, and just thinking that makes me go as red as Fraser.
"Mmmm." He shifts back to his back and then over to face me. It's my turn to make a noise of complaint, so he nudges me over and returns the favor. Oh, yeah. That's better, and I let myself slide under for a while.
I notice when he gets up, but I figure it's the same as me, and after a little he comes back tasting like toothpaste.
"Not fair," I mumble. "I got morning mouth."
"I don't mind," he tells me and that wicked tongue starts moving down my neck, traces my collarbone.
Okay, I'm definitely awake now, and he's not letting me up, not letting me move. It's like he's learning my whole body again, and let's face it, the Mountie has a thing for licking anyway, and by the time he gets to my belly button, I'm quivering all over and hard enough to cut diamonds, and he's so damned focused, he nips me when I try to pull him up or move to touch him.
Well, I don't exactly complain, I just sort give it up for him, at least until he ignores my cock and moves down to my balls.
Okay, I'm either going to explode again in embarrassing quick time, or I've got to do some focusing on my own, and we have a little struggle until he figures out what I'm doing and oh, yeah, he goes with it and I'm sliding down his belly, down the treasure trail, and just to give him the hint, I take him into my mouth, tease him a little with my tongue, and that gets me flattened and held down again.
Not that I'm complaining. The way he makes me feel might even be illegal, and what we're doing-I'm not sure any more that it's illegal, they keep ditching some of those idiot laws, but if it's not, it oughta be.
Only thing is it's kinda distracting, but that's good, that's great, at least right now when I want to make it last. And touching him and holding him feels so fucking good, and I missed this so much and didn't want to let myself know it, and I'm so fucking glad he gave me that second chance. Feels good, tastes good, smells good, and I'm losing it, I think the Mountie has a competitive streak, because he's really working and I'm so goddamned close, and he's throbbing in my mouth and I get one finger nice and wet and slide it inside him. Thick and hot and I'm going over with him, just from the taste and sound of him, the tension of the muscles under my arm. Colors behind my eyelids and I think my brain is melting down&..
It's almost too intense, almost, and then he lets me slip from his mouth, and I put my head on his thigh, rub my cheek against it, and I'm breathing plenty hard. He kisses my hip, nips at it, sucks hard.
I shudder a little at that, not because it's bad, but because it feels good, almost too good. And he's saying my name, so quiet, almost sighing it, again and again. I get a lump in my throat the size of a softball, and push myself up and around, and we're just lying comfortably together, all tangled up, across the bed.
Tangled up, yeah, that's how I like it, that's how it feels. Like little bits of Fraser are all tangled up in me, and I don't know that we'll ever get it sorted out, but I don't care, because I don't want to get untangled again.
We both go back to sleep for a little while, the sun's coming through the window, and it's warm on the bed, and it's Saturday, so fuck it. I wake up a couple of times, and you know, he looks damn good most of the time anyway, but I have to tell you, my personal kink is messy Fraser. Hair all disorderly, beard stubble, and asleep and just looking at him makes my chest ache in a good way, and I go back under again every time.
It's about ten when I wake up for the last time, and this time I'm wide awake, and weird, so is Fraser, lying beside me with his arms behind his head, eyes open, wearing jeans.
"You okay?" I push myself up and frown at him. I can't figure out when he put them on.
"I'm wonderful, Ray." Clear eyes, and yeah, oh, yeah, that smile I love. Nobody else, I bet, ever gets to see that smile. "Why?"
"Just checkin'." I nuzzle briefly, just to inhale him again, then push myself to the edge of the bed. Hmmm, I smell coffee. "Did you make coffee?" A little confused.
"I did. I took Dief out, too." He sits up and bites the back of my neck, real gentle. "You were sleeping."
Jeez, how in the hell does he do that? Well, I need coffee to figure it out. I lean back against him for a minute. "Coffee. I got tea when I picked up groceries the other day." I yawn. "And bagels, you ever tried bagels with cream cheese, Fraser?"
He's got an arm around my chest. "I can't say that I have," he mutters and sucks on the side of my neck. Hard.
I snicker, I figure he's marking me a little. Weird, I not only don't mind, but my cock gives a little twitch. "Keep it up, you won't get any bagels until this afternoon."
"Threats?" He says it against my skin, lifts his head to examine his work. "I would like some tea."
"You're unhinged." I rub back against him again and get up, stretch out my shoulders and crack my neck. See, tangled together bits, and I'm feeling good, feeling great. I put on water for tea, and Fraser follows me into the kitchen and I throw us some bagels in the toaster oven and pour myself a cup of coffee. I've got sugar, so I skip the M&Ms in it. Fraser watches me put a couple of spoonfuls in and shakes his head, laughs a little at me.
Dief is nosing around my ankles, but he's pissed because I shut him out of the bedroom again last night. The water comes to a boil and I rummage for the tea, put a tea bag into a mug. "English breakfast," I tell Fraser. "That okay?"
"That's splendid, Ray." I get arms around my waist and a quick bear hug-although let me tell you, if bears really hugged that way, they wouldn't be endangered species-and a fast nuzzle before Fraser claims his mug and sort of dunks the tea bag.
I'm still standing around naked, of course, and so I wander in with my coffee to consider whether or not the shower stall is big enough for both of us. "Hey, you wanna shower with me?"
"Certainly," he calls back. "Ray, the bagels are ready."
Back to the kitchen and I get the cream cheese out of the fridge. "You're in for a treat, Fraser."
He's leaning against the counter, more relaxed than I've ever seen him. His hair is still a little messed up, but not bad. He grins at me. "You're an incitement to riot, Ray."
I can't help it, I like it, it's kinda nice to have somebody look at me like I'm dessert and they're skipping dinner to head straight for it. It's not something I'm used to, and I actually feel myself getting a little red.
I hold up a bagel spread with cream cheese and he takes a bite, licks my fingertips. Standing in my kitchen, stark naked, and I'm getting hard from getting cream cheese licked off my fingers. And from that wicked, wicked look on his face. We're never going to get that shower, I think, and then I'm up close and personal with the Mountie and we're sharing the bagel and licking cream cheese off each other's mouth, and Jesus, I'm not gonna get any rest this weekend at all, looks like, and I'm going to go in to the station on Monday with one big shit-eating grin.
We do end up in the shower, though, and if there's anything better than making out like teenagers, it's taking a shower with Fraser, who seems to be thinking that my body is his personal playground and insists on washing each and every inch with that unhinged intensity I usually see when we're on a crime scene.
A little fooling around and then we're back in the bedroom and there's a lot of fooling around, and I'm so turned on I can't believe it, it's so hot to see Fraser hungry, wanting, needing, and hey, I'm right there with him. Not as urgent, and I play, drive him wild, and I like that, oh, yeah, hot mouth, hard cock, and I make a few marks of my own on that pale skin.
I'm lazy then, and he lets me hold him down and we both snooze a while until Dief complains by jumping on the bed and barking.
"Fuck, I left the door open!" I sit up and scowl at the wolf.
Fraser blinks sleepily at me, smiles. "Well, you were feeling a bit of urgency, as I recall."
Dief makes this sound, not quite a bark, not quite a growl. Fraser leans up on one elbow. "Don't be silly, you know very well that Ray's not female."
Do I want to know? I sure as hell don't. "He's not expecting puppies, is he? No, don't tell me." I put my hands over my ears.
Fraser just grins. "Not exactly."
"I told you not to tell me." I look at Dief. "No more watching, dammit. I'll leave the door open, but you keep yourself busy doing something else."
He whuffles at me, kind of offended, and Fraser laughs. "I'm hungry, Ray. I suggest lunch."
I lie down across his belly. "We'll have to go out. All I got was bagels."
He ruffles my hair and I kiss his ribs. Bite them. "No, I'm serious," he says, laughing, "I'm hungry. For food."
"I know. Me, too." I lick the spot I bit. "Let's just hit the grocery store, bring it back."
I squint at him. "Hey, I've got you where I want you."
He swats at my ass. "And where I want to be. Unfortunately, I don't think we can spend the entire day in bed."
"We could try." I grin at him.
Fraser laughs out loud. "The spirit is willing, Ray, but I'm not sure the flesh will hold up."
Yeah, good point. He's not sixteen either. So I lick him again and get up, rummage in the dresser. "You have to promise me that we won't do any crimefighting. I'm feelin' kinda selfish today. We did good work this week, I think that's enough."
He leans up on one arm, watching me get dressed. "I can't swear to that, Ray." Reasonable tone. "What if we encounter-"
I point at him. "No encounters or I blindfold you."
He gives me that wicked smile again, damn. Makes my knees wanna wobble. Wicked Mountie, if you can imagine that. God. "I might like that, Ray."
Okay, now I'm thinking mild kink, and I can't do that and get dressed to go to the store. "I'm not listening to you," I say loudly. "I'm thinking of groceries."
He laughs, low and rough, and then gets up, finds his own clean clothes and starts getting dressed.
The whole weekend, I think and do some laughing out loud of my own. "This is great," I tell him happily. "Greatness. True greatness, Fraser."
He gives me a confused look. "What?"
"You being here." I grab socks and sit down on the bed, smile up at him.
Oh, wow, that smile is new. I stare at it, and he leans down, takes my face between his hands and kisses my eyelids. "I think so, too." Husky voice.
God. I manage to finish getting dressed, even though that left me a little shaky. Even when he's doing the Mountie thing, he's pretty damn great. Get him out of that red serge mode, and he's fucking incredible.
So, we're in the GTO and Fraser asks me where I'm going, because I decide we're going to do it right. There's one place we can get the tea he likes, pretty fucking Yuppified, but it has a lot of organic foods. I just grin at him. "Going someplace we can get some stuff even you'd approve of."
He laughs a little at that, and settles back. Dief sticks his nose in my ear, naturally, and licks it. "Hey, no licking!"
Fraser grins. "He's undoubtedly trying to figure out why you, ah, smell and taste a little more like me than usual."
I like that idea, grin back. "No licking," I tell Dief anyway. "Exclamation point."
Fraser rubs his eyebrows. "Dief, sit down."
He must be annoying Fraser, and God, I've been around Fraser too long, I'm starting to think the wolf really talks.
We get to the store and I decide it's better if Dief stays in the car, but I'm a little nervous about that.
"Stay," Fraser tells him firmly. "If you're good, I'll surprise you with something."
Dief makes a noise in his throat.
"No pizza," Fraser says sternly. "But something you'll like."
Dief sniffs and curls up on the back seat. I leave two windows down a little, just for the fresh air, and the two of us walk into Yuppieville.
I'm cruising with the basket and tossing stuff in, and Fraser's wandering along checking labels, and I finally get his attention when we get to the aisle that has the teas, herbal and otherwise.
"Pick some," I tell him, because I'm not really sure which one he likes.
He arches an eyebrow at me, but wow, there's one of those new smiles again, and I grin back. We're standing about six inches apart, he bumps me a little with his hip and picks up a few packages. Studies the labels, and nods at me. Still with that smile. Wow. Good thing we're standing in the aisle of a grocery store, that's all I can say, because he looks good enough to eat. He brushed his hair, of course, but it dried a lot wavier than usual, and he's not looking quite as buttoned down and starched as usual, he's got a sweater on and the neck is unraveled a little, and if I lean a little closer, I can see a suck mark I left down on his throat where his uniform collar will safely cover it.
So, I look at the rest of the tea packages and throw one in that I think I can handle, and I bump my hip against him, friendly like, and we're in each other's space for real, and I don't give a rat's ass what any of the surrounding yuppies think. We're getting some looks anyway, because while Fraser may be able to pass, even in jeans and a ratty sweater, I sure don't, and we're standing there smiling at each other like idiots when I hear just about the last voice I want to hear.
Oh, jeez. I should have remembered, Stella likes this place. I turn my head, and it feels like it's in slo mo, and she's standing there with some guy wearing chinos and a receding hairline.
"Hi, Stella." My voice actually sounds pretty normal. She's got her eyes narrowed at me, and I can't figure out why.
"What are you doing here, Ray?" She takes a couple of steps closer to us, still frowning at me.
I blink, feeling kinda thickheaded. "Shopping." Like, I have half a basket full of stuff, Stel, what the hell does it look like I'm doing. And then I get it. She thinks I'm following her again.
"Shopping," she says and looks at Fraser. Back at me. Frowns again, and then her eyes widen and she turns as red as Fraser ever does when Frannie's all over him.
I look at Fraser, and he's just standing there, this polite little smile on his face, and I realize he hasn't said hello to her or anything.
I look back at Stella, and now she's looking at me like I just grew another head. "Shopping," she says and nods at Fraser. "Constable."
"Ms. Kowalski," he says back, still Mountie polite.
"Good seeing you, Ray," she tells me, and she's still bright red. "I'll talk to you later."
"Okay." I'm still a little confused, but hey, if she gave up the idea I'm following her, I'm cool, I'm good with it, and I look back at Fraser, whose smile has gotten less polite and more real.
I shrug a little, take the basket and head down another aisle with Fraser trailing behind me, doing his thing.
No problem, far as I'm concerned. I get to the checkout, and look around for Fraser, who it examining some of the vitamin samples and shaking his head. "Dief," I tell him, and he opens his eyes wider. He wheels, goes off somewhere and comes back with a box of dog treats.
Myself, I'm not sure how Dief is going to go for that. I think Dief thinks he's half-human anyway, but hey, I grab the box with him and we do a little jockeying over who is paying what. "I don't buy your groceries, you don't buy mine," I mutter under my breath and feel a finger poke me hard in the ribs. I grin at that, we get checked out and haul the bags out to the car.
Fraser gives Dief a handful of the treats, and it looks like he did okay, Dief snarfs those down like he's eating pizza. Then, Fraser turns to me, rubs his eyebrows and cracks his neck. "Ray, I think Stella may have guessed."
Obviously, I'm still stupid from too much sex. "Guessed what?"
He gives me the patient Are-You-Unhinged look.
Like being hit in the head with a brick. "Oh." I think about that, and I swear to God, I start to fucking giggle. He looks alarmed at that, and I put a hand over my mouth. You know what I'm thinking? She's got a guy in chinos who's losing his hair and getting a little gut, and I've got Fraser.
He's patting my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Ray." Worriedly.
I finally get hold of myself. It's not exactly my dream come true, but hey, even if I still care about Stella, I'm over her. It's just-weird. I don't think I want to know what she thinks about it. And even though I'm over her, I sure as hell don't want her to think she drove me to give up women. I mean, that would have to sting a lot, no matter how open minded Stella is.
Stella isn't going to get hysterical anyway, she's not that kind of woman, so I'm okay with it, and I drop my hand. "I am so dumb," I tell Fraser, trying to stop laughing. "Never even thought of that. Hey, at least she doesn't think I'm stalking her."
He still looks worried. "I'm sorry, Ray."
I reach out and take hold of him, lay one on him right in the parking lot. Shit, if Stella's figured it out, she's the only one who'd recognize either of us. "It's okay, Fraser, honest to God." I mean, yeah, I don't want to take out a full page ad, we're both cops and it's not too smart to announce we're an item. But I'm not exactly ashamed of it, either. "It's okay." I make him look at me, make him look into my eyes.
He does, just all serious Fraser for a minute, and then smiles in relief. "Good." Heartfelt.
I get it, I think. We're both still on shaky ground after the last few weeks, and he doesn't get that I'm past Stella. He doesn't know just how deep I'm in, and I don't think I'm quite ready to tell him, not yet. I mean, I don't know where he is, not really, and he's got his own baggage here and there, but I don't want him worrying about me being crushed my ex-wife knows I'm doing the naked pretzel with my partner. "It's really okay, Fraser, I'm done with that. Dot it. File it. Stick it in that box." I grin at him.
He looks a little shaky then, and gives Dief another handful of treats, ruffles Dief's ears.
I just start the car and head home.
He was right the first time, I think. We can work through all this shit. We just need to take it slow.
I can dance to that, hell if I can't.
End Slow Dancing by anonymous co: JimPage363@aol.com
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