Disclaimer: Alliance owns all characters.

Comments: leadpoisoning@hotmail.com

to my best friend 

Sequel to 'Mirror'

Blind
by
Rae
**********
 
He rolls up the flannel sleeves today, doesn't hide the scars. He is
so alone. So afraid. Maybe Ray will see the scars, see his pain. He wants
Ray's help, but he doesn't know how to ask.  So often he has dropped
hints. Anything to be noticed. He is tired of being invisible. But Ray
doesn't notice, doesn't say a word about the scars on Ben's wrists. Perhaps
he does see them, but like some many others in Ben's life considers them
a simple drama. Ignore it and it will go away. His grandmother called
it 'a phase'. A phase. For over 15 years it has been 'a phase'.  Everyone
else has simply chosen to ignore it. "....so I don't know what the hell's
going on with her.  Am I supposed to be psychic now, just *know* what
the hell she's thinking?" Ray talks about Stella. He saw her in a restaurant
just yesterday. A confrontation with the past. Stella. It seems that
her name is always on his lips. Ben bows his head and listens to Ray
rant on about his lost love. Occasionally, he speaks; makes some small
comment about how out of place and lonely he's been feeling these past
few days. The comment is lost on his partner.  Ray pauses for a moment
and then then starts rambling about Stella again. How much he loves her.
Love. This is something Ben has never understood, never been able to
define despite his every attempt to research the subject in full.  Love
has the power to create and destroy.  It unites people or tears them
apart. It strengthens friendships, or it shatters them. Love is a disease
that infects the mind, body and spirit. Love blinds and weakens. He craves
love, but he fears it.  He fears so much. Fears letting people get too
close. Close enough to use him, close enough to hurt him. Ray Vecchio.
Victoria. They left only broken pieces when they walked away.  Ray Kowalski
entered so easily through the ruin. For a time they found solace in a
shared pain and vulnerabilty. But nothing lasts. Ben finds himself alone
again in his world. Always alone.  He rolled up the sleeves today and
didn't hide the scars. Because he is alone. Because he is afraid. All
he wants is to be noticed. He all he wants is someone to understand.
But the story never changes. There is no help, no hope and no end. The
one person he had hoped would see the pain, is as blind as everyone else.