this story is a sequel to Mitch Hudson's Assumed Identity. i'd like to
thank Mitch for allowing me to play in his universe. unfortunately, Assumed
Identity doesn't appear to be anywhere on the internet, and i haven't
been able to get in touch with Mitch to let him know. i think this story
is self explanatory enough for it not to be too confusing :)
i might never have finished this story if not for the help of Hamlette,
who helped me out with some penetrating character assessments when i
got very stuck. Anagi was also a huge help by beta reading the story
and providing useful suggestions.
this is the last DS story i'll be posting to the Archive. like
many fans, i've been increasingly fed up (to put it politely) with the
nastiness and bigotry shown by some Vecchio and Kowalski fans.
the majority of us simply want to live in peace and enjoy a wonderful
show, and the fanfic it's inspired us to write, but this tiny minority
won't allow that to happen. so, like many of those others, i've voted
with my feet. however, i started this story long before i decided to
leave, and i feel that it deserves to be read. if you can't accept the
existence of season 3, or that both Rays deserve to be treated
with respect, then don't read this story. you won't like it.
Resumed Identites covers a period from a few days before the events of
CotW to several months afterward. i've tried to remain true to the events
of CotW, while interpreting those events to fit in with where i wanted
the story to go, so this is not a fixit or an AU, but a recognition that
life goes on after the end of the show and that things don't always turn
out the way they're planned.
WARNING: this story contains some fairly graphic descriptions of rape.
if you want to avoid them, please read
this version.
Rating: NC-17, for graphic descriptions of rape, violence and m/m sexual
situations
Resumed Identities
Once there was a Chicago cop called Ray Vecchio. Then he became a mobster
named Armando Langoustini. The man who crouched, naked, legs parted,
on the large bed was neither man. If pressed, he would have admitted
to being Armando, but truthfully, he no longer thought very much about
who he was.
Over the months he'd settled into Armando's skin and Armando's life until
he barely remembered the cop called Vecchio, or the friends and lovers
Vecchio had known. Except when he was with John Laurier. Being with
Laurier, allowing the Canadian to fuck him with a ruthless precision,
was probably the most terrifying thing he could do. He should have ended
it long ago, but, with the same kind of subconscious need that makes
amputees feel phantom sensations from their missing limbs, the man who
was known as Armando Langoustini needed a reminder of who he'd once been,
even if it meant risking his life.
Without the occasional assignations he'd had with John Laurier, the man
on the bed would have gone crazy months ago
whether from the terror
of being who he had to be, or from the fear of never again being the
man he'd left behind in Chicago, he wasn't sure. Laurier was the only
person in his life who'd known Ray Vecchio, and he needed this man to
remind him that Ray Vecchio had ever existed.
But, if there was one thing Armando Langoustini surely was not, it was
patient. Eventually the man on the bed remembered that and lifted his
head. "Well, what are ya waiting for?" His voice was rough;
needy and irritable.
"Why, nothing, Armand." The Canadian-accented voice was quietly
amused. Playing mind games again. Everything was a game with Laurier,
at least when they were in the bedroom. Most of the games were physical,
many of them were painful too.
He'd known from the beginning that Laurier liked it rough. At first
he'd denied the Canadian that part of his pleasure, but over time little
things had crept in, as they'd both known would happen; and then bigger
things. The man who was neither Armando nor Ray needed to avoid situations
where he might mistakenly call out another man's name. But nothing about
sex with Laurier reminded him of other lovers now. It reminded him of
danger, of hunter and prey.
As if to reinforce that thought the quiet sound of a body shifting on
silk sheets alerted him to Laurier's actions. He braced himself, just
in time. With no preparation, no other warning than a firm grip on his
hips, a thick cock slammed into him, rocking him so hard he almost collapsed
onto the mattress.
"Fuck!" He gripped the sheets and locked his arms straight.
Pleasure, or maybe it was pain... he could no longer tell the difference,
flared through his lower body. His cock, only half erect, shrivelled
almost to nothing and his balls, drawn up against his body in the expectation
of pleasure, dropped again to hang swaying between his legs.
A low chuckle answered his cry. "Well, at least I've got your attention
now, Armand. You're usually more involved than this."
"Okay, you've got my attention. Don't do that again."
A brisk slap on his ass gave him no assurance on that point. "Open
up, dammit, Armand. You're tighter than a virgin."
He made himself relax, moving with the fierce, deep thrusts, but he couldn't
relax enough. His ass was burning, his cock showed no signs of stiffening
and he couldn't bring himself to care. He wanted the sensations to continue.
Pleasure was too risky; he needed to feel something and pain was better
than nothing.
Laurier grunted, pleased no doubt at his cooperation, and leaned forward,
covering his back. An arm slid around his waist and Laurier's hand fumbled
downwards, found his soft cock and began to pump it ruthlessly. More
pain. More sensation, but no change in his cock.
"Armand? What's wrong?" Laurier seemed genuinely concerned.
His thrusts slowed almost to a stop.
It suddenly occurred to him that at the first sign of real weakness Laurier
would turn on him with the instincts of any self-respecting carnivore.
That thought sent a jolt of adrenalin straight to his brain. "Nothin'.
I've been... busy. Just finish it, will ya?"
Laurier didn't need telling twice. He redoubled his efforts, still pumping
futilely at the limp cock, but in a few minutes it was over, and he withdrew
with no more care than he'd entered. They tumbled sideways onto the
mattress and lay panting.
"Who is he?" Laurier pulled him around roughly. "Who
are you fucking?"
He thought for a moment that his heart would leap out of his chest.
If he denied it, Laurier would never believe him. "He's nobody,
okay? They're all nobodies. If you'd told me you were coming, I wouldn't
have had him. Dammit John, I never said I'd be exclusive."
Laurier relaxed a bit. "You look tired Armand. What's up?"
"Not me, that's for sure." He laughed humourlessly. "I
got something coming up. I need... distracting sometimes. You should
have told me you'd be here."
"I prefer not to let too many people know about my movements."
Laurier grinned. "So, what's coming up? Apart from you, that is."
He sighed. Now that it was over, he just wanted to be alone. "A
trip. To Chicago. I could tell you more than that, John. But
then I'd have to kill you."
*
Turnbull's face, as he opened the door, showed a fleeting surprise; then
it was replaced by a smile, a look of delighted pleasure in the blue
eyes, and a subtle change in his stance. Ray Kowalski had gotten very
adept at reading the Mountie over the last months. It was rather embarrassing
to be the object of such romantic longings when all he felt in return
was friendship, and a sense of curiosity as to why two men, one of whom
he loved, the other of whom he was impersonating, should care so much
for this doofus. Okay, he was a great lay, but
But right now Turnbull was ushering him into Ray Vecchio's apartment
and inquiring, as a good host should, after his health, and his preferences
for a drink, a snack, anything else he might want.
Fraser had never really answered his question, in the early days, as
to why, if this was Vecchio's apartment, and he was supposed to be
Vecchio, Turnbull was living in it and not him. Fraser's only response
had been startled look and an assurance that this way was best, thank
you Ray. He hadn't had the confidence to push it then, and after the
first few weeks of his relationship with Fraser their visits had tailed
off and he'd pretty much forgotten about it. Now, visiting the apartment
by himself for the first time ever, he began to wonder again.
His thoughts were interrupted by a list of available drinks, which showed
signs of being unnaturally comprehensive. Seemed like Turnbull had every
kind of tea, soft drink, beer or wine imaginable. "I'll have a
Bud, thanks."
"Of course. Your favourite, isn't it Ray? Sit down and I'll bring
it to you. In fact, I think I'll join you." A wide, only slightly
daffy, smile was bestowed on him before the Mountie turned away, tripping
on that rag rug that always seemed to get in his way.
Ray settled onto the couch and waited. A minute later Turnbull was back
with a tray containing two cans, Budweiser and Molson's, and two tall
glasses. He opened the Bud, poured it expertly and handed it to Ray.
"Thanks." He took a long swallow, suddenly feeling nervous
about being here alone with the Canadian. "You don't drink Bud?"
"No, Ray." A polite little smile. "I'm afraid I don't
like American beer very much."
"Then why
" he stopped, embarrassed by the thought that
Turnbull might be keeping it here because it was his favourite. It wasn't
like he and Fraser spent that much time over here.
Turnbull looked down at the glass held between his large, bony hands.
"It's Ray's favourite too. When he drinks." The blue eyes
fixed on his. "He doesn't like to drink much, you know."
"I heard." It was strange how the inflection in Turnbull's
voice made it perfectly clear which Ray he was talking about. Strange
how the longing seemed to reverberate through the simple words. If Turnbull
had romantic feelings for him, what he felt for Ray Vecchio was
obviously something of another order altogether. He wondered if the
reason Turnbull was looking after the apartment had more to do with Turnbull
than it did with Vecchio.
The image of a large golden Labrador faithfully guarding his master's
slippers rose forcibly to his mind. He tried to dismiss it
it
really was unfair to Turnbull to think of him that way, but still there
was a certain truth to it that lodged in his mind and wouldn't allow
itself to be evicted. Devoted faithfulness was certainly a large part
of Turnbull's personality. When he loved, he didn't easily let go.
Was that what Vecchio saw in him?
Ray sighed and set the glass aside. "I'm worried about Fraser.
Have you noticed he's been acting strange?"
"Yes." Turnbull smiled mournfully. "He's
he's
preoccupied, I think, Ray. He's waiting."
That was news to him. "Waiting for what?" His voice rose
sharply. Part worry, part indignation that Fraser would confide in Turnbull
and not him.
But Turnbull's head shook slowly from side to side. "I don't know.
I don't think Fraser knows. I've seen it before, Ray. I think he has
a touch of the Sight."
"Huh? Whaddaya mean, sight?"
"The Second Sight, Ray. I've always believed Fraser was a little
fey." Turnbull stared calmly at him. He could have been talking
about mathematical rather than supernatural ability, so matter-of-fact
was his voice.
Ray hurriedly repressed his immediate impulse to make fun of the big
Mountie. Okay, so he was weird at times, but even Fraser, who definitely
had problems with his subordinate's strange ways, would never deliberately
hurt him. Fraser might have trouble showing it, but he cared a lot for
Turnbull. So what if Ray suspected it was mainly for the sake of the
absent Ray Vecchio. Even now, there were a lot of things about that
triangular relationship that he didn't understand even though he was,
in a way, part of it.
Time to get back to the important things
"So, what can we
do about it?"
"Nothing, Ray." Turnbull frowned slightly. "Well, at
least, nothing directly. We simply have to support him as best we can."
It made sense, but he'd hoped for more. He wasn't good at that kind
of stuff
not like Turnbull was. He met a pair of eyes suddenly
gone inwards and sad looking. So it wasn't any easier for Turnbull.
His respect for the klutzy Mountie hiked itself up another notch.
"I guess I'd better go." He dragged himself unwillingly to
his feet. With Fraser so remote and strange, there was no chance of
their spending the night together and he didn't really want to be alone.
But
he'd never even visited here alone before.
Turnbull stood too, putting aside his almost untouched beer. "You
don't have to leave, Ray." His voice went low, with just a hint
of shyness. "I'd
well, I'd welcome some company tonight."
*
Eventually Laurier left and he was alone again. It wasn't enough. In
the early days of his assignment this bedroom had been his refuge from
the stress of having to be always on his guard. Then he'd made the mistake
of bringing Laurier in here
now it was the most terrifying battleground
of his life. Every time Laurier left he needed to obliterate all reminders
of their session. A long, hot shower helped, and when he came back to
the bed it was laid with fresh, clean smelling sheets. A slow smile
crossed his face. Nero was worth his weight in gold.
It ought to bother him that he hadn't been able to get it up tonight,
but in truth, it came as no surprise. This had been building for months
now. Laurier scared the Hell out of him. No, correction... his reaction
to Laurier scared the Hell out of him. He needed Laurier the way crack
addicts needed the drug that was killing them.
He dropped the silk robe from his shoulders and slid between the crisp
sheets. Cotton, not silk, this time, and cool on his bare skin. He
relaxed into them with a sigh.
It was late, and he was tired, but there was little likelihood of his
sleeping now. Laurier had that effect on him, and tonight had been more
hair raising than he'd ever anticipated. Now that it was over, the risks
he'd taken chilled him, even as he recognised that the next time Laurier
came to him, he take the exact same risks again. He'd lived for months
now with the knowledge that he could be exposed at any time, and sometimes
he thought it would be easier just to let go, to give up the last shred
of his identity as Ray Vecchio and become, in every respect, Armando
Langoustini. Except that becoming Armando scared him more than the prospect
of dying did. If he truly became Armando, Ray Vecchio would be
dead.
And at last, now that Laurier was gone, his cock was stirring. With
a soft groan, he reached down and began to stroke it idly. He didn't
know what to do about Laurier. His initial unwilling liking for the
man had dwindled to nothing, and his fear of what he, or Laurier, might
do had grown apace. The smart thing to do would be to end the relationship,
if he could call it that.
He couldn't do it; couldn't even imagine doing it. Kill Laurier, maybe,
but send him away? That, he conceded, was impossible. He hadn't been
joking about killing Laurier. He'd do it if he had to... there wouldn't
be any trouble if he did; there was always a good excuse, if you looked
hard enough. But could he actually look into that face, the face of
another man who was everything John Laurier was not, and pull the trigger
himself? He doubted it. Well, there would always be someone else to
do the job for him.
Even these disturbing thoughts weren't enough to stop him becoming aroused.
He pumped his cock more firmly, though it was a weak imitation of Laurier's
fierce grip. The soft throb became more insistent and he gripped his
balls tightly with one hand while he fisted the shaft. It was close
now, but he felt strangely detached. There was no pleasure, only the
satisfaction of a physical need. He'd enjoyed the shower more.
On the thought, his cock pulsed, sending a weak spurt onto his belly.
He released his grip and absently rubbed the drops into his skin, then
rolled onto his side and allowed himself to relax into sleep.
*
The sheet was bunched up in his two fists and Ray Kowalski held on as
though his life depended on it. He flexed his knees and pressed his
feet flat against the mattress, tensed his thighs and tried really hard
not to move his hips at all. Oh God
His head was pressed so far
back into the pillow that his throat was stretched too tight to swallow.
With an effort he levered his eyes open and eased his stiffening neck
out a little. And watched the sandy head moving above his belly.
Nobody had told him Turnbull could be like this. On the few previous
occasions that he'd been in bed with Turnbull, it had always been the
three of them and they had divided their attentions pretty evenly. Having
Turnbull all to himself was a whole other ballgame.
A low moan escaped him and he shivered. It had taken an eternity for
Turnbull to reach the place he was now. Every square inch of his body
had been explored, teased, suckled, caressed. Every breath, every heartbeat
had been noted and taken account of in the slow progression of Turnbull's
journey. He could see the fluttering of his heartbeat under the skin
of his belly, perfectly in time with the throb of his cock. Perfectly
in time with the soft press and release of Turnbull's tongue against
his slit.
It changed again, as it had changed over and over at random intervals,
in random sequence, to gentle probing, then again, almost immediately,
to a delicate flicker of sensation over his whole cockhead. It was as
though the whole of Turnbull's existence was summed up in the glide of
his tongue over Ray's slit.
There was something about the way the Mountie went at this that was disturbingly
childlike. Disturbing, when he thought of it in this context
anyway. But in reality it was a sweet, almost innocent generosity that
Turnbull brought to the act of making love, the kind of single-minded
pursuit that was the realm of children. Or saints.
The alleged saint drew back, a tiny retreat, and then ran his tongue
the length of the twitching, wildly throbbing shaft. He paused for a
moment to suckle the cockhead one last time, then plunged down taking
the whole length into himself in one smooth movement that almost fried
Ray's brains. In spite of his best efforts his hips heaved upwards,
lifting the whole lower half of his body off the bed as he screamed.
Turnbull rode it out expertly, not allowing it to interfere as his lips
closed around the base of Ray's cock. As Ray's hips dropped back to
the bed, he stayed where he was, allowing the cock to slide through the
tight ring of his lips. The change from slow and intense to fierce and
demanding was almost too much to bear.
Ray managed to hold on through three repeats of the cycle and then howled
as his hips surged up and up, refusing to allow the downward part of
the cycle. The sensations crested, eased a little, and then he was able
to thrust, fucking Turnbull's face as though there had never been another
two men who'd known this kind of pleasure in the history of the universe.
Through all the moans and the curses and the total meltdown of his brain,
he was aware of Turnbull, guiding, steadying, seeing to his pleasure
and his safety until he was able to think for himself again. He stared
up at the long angular face, flushed and sweating, with just a hint of
satisfaction in his blue eyes. Ray managed a smile for him, before his
eyes dropped to that thick, beautiful Canadian cock, still standing proudly
away from the sandy curls at Turnbull's groin. His balls were drawn
up so tight they'd almost disappeared.
"Oh, man
come here, buddy. Come and fuck me." He reached
out to draw the larger man down into his arms. His own cock lay still
hard against his belly, sensitive to the slightest touch of Turnbull's
skin, but that didn't matter. What Turnbull had just given him could
only be repaid with an act of equal generosity.
They kissed, sharing the taste of Ray's cum while both of them caught
their breath. Then, with a gentle nudge, Turnbull's cock was entering
him. Slow. Very slow
the exquisite pressure built as all of that
magnificent cock filled him. Turnbull was breathing hoarsely, but his
control never wavered until the moment he came to rest, completely inside
Ray's body. Then he shuddered and buried his head against Ray's shoulder.
Ray knew couldn't give Turnbull the kind of innocence the younger man
brought to making love, but maybe, just maybe Turnbull needed something
else. Something Fraser couldn't give him, but Vecchio just might
"Come on, buddy, do me good. Fuck my ass so hard I'll feel it into
next week. I want you to come in me. Fill me up with
" he
choked back a cry as Turnbull drew back a little and then rammed home
again. Just once, and then he settled to a steady, hard rhythm that
felt so incredibly good, Ray thought he might just come again. A few
minutes of this and he'd be ready to try, anyway.
But there wasn't time
already Turnbull's body was shaking uncontrollably,
almost to the point that he was unable to thrust effectively. Ray wrapped
his arms around the solid chest, his legs around the sturdy hips, and
plunged onto the iron length, deliberately clenching his ass muscles
to hold it there inside him. Another thrust, shaky but true, and a ragged
sob warned him that Turnbull was beyond need, beyond the ability to continue.
He clenched his muscles again and released; clench and release, milking
the captive shaft until he felt it happen
that thick pulsing contraction,
the hot wet release, the unmistakable shudder of a body pressed beyond
its endurance.
Who would have guessed that all this passion, all this devotion, lay
underneath the mild, bumbling exterior of Constable Renfield Turnbull?
Vecchio, obviously. Fraser, perhaps, but probably not. And now him.
Nobody on the receiving end of that kind of love could fail to be awed
by it. It made sense to him now, the thing that had been puzzling him
ever since he and Fraser had become lovers. Why would Vecchio want Turnbull
when he had Fraser? This was why.
Not for the first time, he wondered what Vecchio was really like. And
then put the thought aside to tend to the exhausted weight of Turnbull's
body, shifting him into a more comfortable position. Turnbull tried
to lift his head, his hair now dark with sweat, but Ray drew it back
onto his shoulder.
"'S okay, Renny. Just stay here." He wriggled a little still
holding the Canadian in the loose cradle of his arms and legs. "Lemme
just hold you, okay?"
*
It was no more unusual, these days, to arrive at the Consulate and find
Ray's GTO parked outside than it had been, a year ago, to find the other
Ray's Buick Riviera, but it always put an extra little spring in Renny's
step as he entered the Consulate. The last few days had been rather
trying; he knew that something serious was developing, but, as usual,
he was being kept totally in the dark about it. Well, there wasn't much
he could do about that
he was hanging his coat in the closet when
Ray wandered out of Fraser's office, scrubbing at his head and yawning..
"Hey, Renny. Good to see ya." Ray grinned and then yawned
again. "Sorry. Was up half the night sittin' in a damn alley with
a bunch of rats. Second night in a row, fer God's sake."
He accepted this information with no obvious response, but he shuddered
inside. He wasn't very fond of rats. "Is Fraser
" he
let the question tail off delicately.
"Getting' dressed in his uniform." Another yawn. "Ya
think I could get some coffee?"
Reminded of his obligations as host, Renny started. "Of course.
It'll only take a moment. Why don't you go into the library?"
As he'd expected, Fraser had joined Ray by the time the coffee and tea
was made. Renny placed the tray carefully on the table and handed Ray
his mug and a small bowl of Smarties. Fraser helped himself to the teapot,
but reserved the larger part of his concentration for the pile of his
father's journals.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Renny crouched between
their chairs, looking from Fraser to Ray and back again.
Fraser simply grunted abstractedly, but Ray handed him a journal. Fraser
thinks there'll be somethin' in these about Muldoon."
He took the small volume from Ray and glanced through it. The entries
were annotated, though what the notes were supposed to mean was not clear,
at first. Renny frowned and flicked over a couple of pages, then selected
another volume at random and leafed through the pages, mentally noting
anything that looked like a clue.
"See, everything my father ever did is in here. Cross referenced
by criminal and by crime." Fraser frowned down at the page before
him, turned the page, and frowned again.
This was exactly the kind of puzzle Renny most enjoyed. Gradually the
neatly inscribed notes in the margins began to make sense. "Now
the filing is a little crude
but brilliant
To find Muldoon
"
Renny straightened up and began to pace. He always thought better on
his feet and it was easier to tune out what Ray and Fraser were discussing
when he wasn't kneeling between them. Pieces of the puzzle fell into
place with a suddenness that he'd come to expect in such situations.
It was as much instinct as deduction that helped him solve these riddles.
"Aha! You see! I find Muldoon by simply flipping to page six of
volume nine." He found the journal and flipped it open to the correct
page, then handed it to Fraser.
The writing on this page was not quite as neat, betraying an inner turmoil,
perhaps. Certainly the words were moving; redolent with regret.
I'd
have rearranged the landscape, torn down the mountains, and diverted
the rivers to catch Muldoon; and I only had the slimmest of clues. He
always managed to be where no one expected him to be. And usually that
was where he had just been...
Ray lowered the journal he'd been reading. "Anything?"
"He doubles back on himself."
"The alley. Why did I know it was gonna be the alley?" Ray
groaned and dropped his head into his hands.
*
After the alarms and exertions of the night, it ought to be easy for
him to sleep, but here it was, past two a.m. and Ben was still awake.
Ray snuffled quietly against his shoulder and, on Ray's other side, Turnbull
muttered something indistinguishable and then subsided again. The fact
was they were all on edge, none of them more so than him. So much so
that instead of going back to Ray's apartment after the incident in the
alley, Ben had suggested they come here.
The sense that something was about to happen had left him now. The reappearance
of Holloway Muldoon, the involvement of the FBI, not to mention being
attacked with a grenade launcher
whatever it was that he'd been
waiting for, this had to be it. Usually, that would be enough to ease
his tension, but this time he was just as unsettled as he had been for
the last few days. Before he could disturb the others with his restlessness,
Ben slipped out of the bed and drew on his boxer shorts. Perhaps a drink
of milk might help him relax.
Resisting the temptation to drink from the carton, Ben found a glass
in the immaculate kitchen cupboard and leaned back against the counter
while he slowly drank the milk. The rich taste of it filled his mouth
and swirled rather queasily down his throat, but the memories of childhood
treats of "real" milk, as opposed to the powdered milk he'd
drunk most of the time, comforted him.
As he lowered the glass from the last long swallow, he saw Turnbull standing
in the kitchen doorway. His long, rangy body was still bare but it didn't
seem to bother him in the slightest. Ben, who had always been more reticent,
blushed slightly, unable to match his more casual attitude to nudity.
Turnbull smiled a little sleepily at him. "I woke and you were
gone. Ray's still sleeping."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." And, in fact, he
would have preferred to be alone, but he could hardly say that.
"You didn't." Turnbull hesitated a moment, the smile wavering
a little. "I miss him too."
The simple, factual statement demolished all his carefully erected defences
in a moment. He saw Turnbull register that fact and then take two quick
strides to reach him. Long arms wrapped themselves around his body,
drawing him close, and the cheek pressed against his was wet. He hadn't
thought, hadn't allowed himself to think, about Turnbull's loneliness,
with not even the comfort of another lover to ease it. He should have
been more diligent in following Ray's request to look after Turnbull,
but it had been so painful, those first few weeks, that not even his
new relationship with Ray Kowalski could take away the discomfort he
felt in being in this apartment. And, if he were totally honest, he'd
never really accepted Turnbull as anything more than a rather unwanted
encumbrance foisted upon him by Ray Vecchio.
He brought his hand up to cup the back of Turnbull's sandy head offering
what wordless comfort he was capable of giving. Turnbull's arms tightened
around him and Ben stroked the long, broad back gently. It seemed as
though, now that he'd openly admitted the loneliness he'd been denying
all these months, Turnbull could no longer hold back his emotions. Uncomfortable
as that made him feel
uncomfortable as his own emotions
made him, Ben could not abandon the younger Mountie now.
"Turnbull
he will come back
" It was weak
comfort that he offered, and Ben bit his bottom lip uncertainly. He
simply wasn't good in situations like this. Ray would have known what
to do
either Ray could have handled this better than him.
Turnbull's head lifted and his flushed and tearful face hovered uncomfortably
close to Ben's. "I know he will, but
" the long angular
face crumpled slightly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
He liked Turnbull, in those rare moments when he wasn't being irritated
by the younger man's clumsiness or his frequent inability to grasp what
seemed like the most basic of concepts. Turnbull was good with hard,
indisputable facts. Or with creative endeavours such as art and cooking;
but what had possessed him to become a Mountie, Ben had never been able
to figure out. Or how he'd managed to make it through training.
But right now, Ben was aware of a certain amount of fellow feeling
they both loved Ray. They both missed him terribly, and what should
have drawn them closer together, had, because of his thoughtlessness,
kept them well and truly apart. Well, it was not too late, even now,
to remedy that. Ben brushed the tears away from Turnbull's cheeks with
his fingertips and laid his hand, palm flat, against the hot skin. Turnbull's
eyes widened slightly.
After a moment's indecision they kissed, then kissed again
slow,
comforting, and undemanding. Until, gradually, Ben became aware of a
soft insistence pressing against his groin.
Turnbull pulled back suddenly. "I'm sorry
I'll
"
"No. Don't go." Ben slid his hands down to Turnbull's sturdy
hips and drew him closer.
They kissed again, more sensually now, as they both accepted where it
was going to lead. It was, Ben realised, ironic, that Turnbull of all
people, should be the only one to understand how he felt. Ray couldn't,
and couldn't in all fairness be expected to. Only Turnbull knew, and
that was because he felt the same sense of loss. The loss of one person
so much a part of him that no other, however much loved, could possibly
replace him.
He should have recognised this sooner. Instead, he'd selfishly avoided
coming here to visit Turnbull, who was not only his lover, as well as
Ray's, but also his subordinate, his responsibility. He'd wanted to
avoid the memories of Ray that this apartment always invoked. But that
had meant Turnbull had been without his support all these months, surrounded
by Ray's possessions and constant reminders of his absence. Ray would
have expected better than that from him. He'd failed both of them. And
still Turnbull responded with a generosity that Ben had not even thought
to offer.
Slowly, his body began to respond as Turnbull's arousal became more pronounced.
He'd never been particularly attracted to Turnbull; his preference, obviously,
was for tall slender men, and if it hadn't been for Ray, Ben would never
have considered making love with him. But right now he was finding the
silent intimacy of their bodies' touching unexpectedly arousing. Then
Turnbull eased away from him a little. Just enough to slide his long
bony fingers between their bodies and unfasten Ben's boxers, smooth the
cloth out of the way, and take the swelling cock into his hand.
Ben gasped as his cock was gently stroked, and then Turnbull carefully
eased back the foreskin. A delicate touch on the exposed cockhead sent
a wash of heat and exquisite sensation through his body, but held firmly
between Turnbull's larger frame and the counter at his back, Ben couldn't
thrust as he wished to. Even that minor restraint felt good.
After a moment Turnbull pressed against him trapping their cocks, side
by side, between their bodies. The slow movement of Turnbull's hips,
and the glide of his cock against Ben's, sent shivers through them both
and Ben sought his mouth again. He flattened his hands in the curve
of Turnbull's lower back, resisting the temptation to encourage the easy
thrusting into something more energetic. Let Turnbull set the pace
he seemed to know what Ben needed, even better than he did himself.
The tickle of hair against his chest was mirrored by the soft coarseness
of Turnbull's pubic hair against his cock and, even more arousing, against
his exposed and sensitive cockhead. Though he'd been slower to start,
it wasn't long before Ben was coming in a long aching shiver of pleasure.
Once again Turnbull began to retreat, but Ben pulled him back.
"Finish it, Turnbull
I want you to
" his voice caught
on a gasp as more heat gushed against his belly and the large body sagged
against him. Turnbull buried his sweaty face in the base of his throat,
and Ben stroked his hair, feeling a rush of unexpected tenderness.
But it was Turnbull who ended it a moment later, prosaically cleaning
them both with a couple of paper towels and then, of all things, turning
away to rinse out the glass before putting it into the dishwasher. Ben
took the reprieve offered, gaining control of his emotions, at least
on the surface, and putting his boxers to rights again. It was only
after Turnbull came back to him, with one of those wide, slightly vacant
smiles on his face that Ben realised the respite had been deliberate.
It had worked. He was able to muster enough self-confidence to suggest
that they return to the bedroom. Five minutes later he was still wide-awake,
with Turnbull curled up against his side, head resting on his shoulder
and fast asleep.
On Turnbull's far side a stirring among the bedding signalled Ray's wakefulness.
Ben wondered, in a bout of silent hysteria, whether this would herald
another round of lovemaking in the kitchen.
"You okay, Frase?" Ray's pale eyes watched him carefully from
across Turnbull's broad shoulders.
"I'm just not sleepy." Ben sighed, hoping his lover would
let it rest. He would prefer not to analyse his tangled emotions right
now.
Surprisingly enough that was exactly what Ray did, sinking down behind
Turnbull and reaching a hand across his body to twine his fingers with
Ben's. "Okay. Well
g'night
"
And once again he was alone with his thoughts.
*
Chicago might be Ray Vecchio's home, but the city meant nothing to Armando
Langoustini; and it was Armando Langoustini who swept out of the First
Class section of the plane and into O'Hare Airport, leaving his companions
to deal with the luggage while he waited in the limo. It would be a
dangerous meet, but nothing he hadn't done before. All he had to do
was check into his hotel and wait. Once he was contacted the negotiations
would start. The stakes might be frighteningly high, but the game was
always the same.
And, of course, it made no difference to Armando Langoustini that he
was in the same city as a couple of Mounties who had little in common
except for their devotion to the ideals of the RCMP and their love for
a certain Ray Vecchio. No difference at all.
Five hours later, Armando needed to reassess that situation, with respect
to at least one of those Mounties. He stared into Benton Fraser's overjoyed
face and felt his world dissolving around him. Caught somewhere between
Armando and Ray, he froze, and nearly got them all killed.
*
So this was Ray Vecchio. He'd seen photos, of course, and wondered privately
what the Hell they'd been thinking to offer him the job of taking over
his life. They didn't look even remotely alike. Now that he'd met the
guy in person he was even less impressed. Sure, it must have been a
shock to have his cover blown like that, but if Vecchio didn't get it
together soon Muldoon was going to kill the both of them.
Even Fraser was looking worried, and that was the kind of thing that
tended to make Ray very nervous. He was going to do that talk them into
submission thing and this time Ray had the feeling it was more likely
to get them killed than save them. He told Fraser to shut up almost
without thinking. Bad move
Muldoon picked up on the name immediately.
Lucky that Fraser was a common enough name.
"Who are you?"
Vecchio's voice distracted him from his thoughts. Not that he was having
any brilliant ideas so far. "Who? Me?"
"Yeah. You."
He stared up at Vecchio. What was he up to now? He sure didn't look
like he wanted to help them out. Ray decided to stall for time, at least
until he got a better idea of where this was headed. Vecchio should
know damn well who he was, so why was he asking? "Uh
whaddaya
mean?"
"What do they call ya?"
He cast around desperately for inspiration. "Who?" Great.
Talk about dumb ass
Apparently Vecchio thought so too. He glared around the room impatiently.
"Am I still speaking English here, or what?" Getting confirmation
on that point from one of his goons, he aimed his gun straight at Ray's
face.
Okay, seemed like he really wanted an answer
"Oh, you mean
my name? Oh that
" he dug on his pocket. Might as
well raise the stakes a little. He held out his wallet. "Here."
Vecchio glanced at it. "Ray Vecchio, Chicago PD."
Suddenly every gun in the room was trained on them and Muldoon was arguing
with Vecchio over who'd blown their meeting. It was only a matter of
time before Muldoon figured out who Fraser was. There was only one way
for Vecchio to take back control of the room and he took it. Ray followed
Fraser into the bathroom and they both turned to look into Vecchio's
expressionless face.
The gun was pointing directly at Fraser. It shifted slightly as Vecchio
fired into the wall beside him. Fraser crumpled gracefully to the floor
with a thud. Now it was turned on him. Ray's mouth went dry. Vecchio
was supposed to be on his side, but his eyes were those of a cold-blooded
killer. Vecchio's finger tightened on the trigger and Ray was falling
before he was even sure he hadn't been shot. He lay with his eyes closed
and his heart pounding as Vecchio left the bathroom.
*
He could feel Fraser's sombre gaze on the back of his neck. During the
ride back to the stationhouse it had begun to sink in to the Mountie
that things had changed. He'd seen it happening, once the first rush
of excitement wore off.
"
Muldoon has weaponry for sale and a buyer he just needs somebody
to broker the deal. So the ATF places two agents a Khalil and a Cartwright.
Muldoon makes the agents and kills them both. So the ATF suspect an
inside leak. They turn to the FBI who turns to me, Armando Langoustini.
The Mob brokers the deal."
Ray Vecchio paused and looked around the room. Everybody was listening
to him. Even Frannie was silent. Waiting to hear what he and he alone
could tell them. As if he was important or something
Nobody seemed
to notice that he was falling to pieces inside.
It still terrified him how close he had come to allowing Armando simply
to kill Fraser and the Bag Lady rather than to lose his cover. For one
horrifying moment it had seemed like the most reasonable thing to do,
and it had been Muldoon, not Ray, who had prevented it. Muldoon, who
had decided that he needed to know more about the two intruders, giving
Ray enough time to realise that he somehow had to take back his life
from this stranger on the couch and become Ray Vecchio again.
And he'd tried. The words he'd spoken to himself in the mirror had been
meant as a message to himself that it was over, that it was okay to be
Ray Vecchio again. When Fraser and the other guy came out of the bathroom,
he'd launched into his favourite method of getting one over on the Mountie.
A nice long tirade about the way Benton Fraser had screwed up his life
yet again.
It hadn't worked. He'd felt stiff and unnatural, like he'd put on the
skin of a dead, dried out corpse. Fraser, of course, hadn't noticed.
Hell, he hadn't even noticed that the Bag Lady and he got along about
as well together as chalk and cheese. But Ray had noticed something.
Fraser and the Bag Lady were lovers.
"
All right we've got to move. Huey and Dewey you run down
the location the whole layout all right? Francesca pull everything on
Muldoon, any possible connection."
He blinked. It seemed like a decision had been reached, and he'd been
a part of it, but he wasn't entirely sure what it was.
"
Fraser, you run it from your end. All right we got six hours
let's use them."
The meeting was breaking up. Fraser left, without saying a word
and who'd ever have believed that was possible? Ray threw a glance
at his alter ego and they both headed for the door.
"Oh, Ray...."
"Yeah ?" Two voices answered. They both turned, still in the
doorway. Ray froze. For a moment he had the wildest feeling that it
was all a dream, that he wasn't really Ray Vecchio. He was really Armando
Langoustini pretending to be Ray Vecchio pretending to be Langoustini.
Even Welsh looked disturbed. "No, I mean
oh, Geez, this is
going to be confusing, huh?" he pointed towards Ray. "Look
you be Ray Vecchio 'cause you were Ray Vecchio to start with..."
"Right." He accepted it as calmly as though he'd never doubted
it in his life, and turned a level stare on his impersonator. Just let
him try that smart ass 'you're not you' trick again
But he didn't, just looked at Welsh uncertainly. "And who am I?"
"Good question." Welsh considered it briefly. "You can
be Stanley Kowalski."
That got Ray's attention. He grinned. "Stanley Kowalski?"
Kowalski shifted uneasily and didn't answer. Welsh explained. "His
father had a big thing for Marlon Brando."
"So... uh... I just..." Kowalski shuffled his feet and looked
away for a moment, then, appealingly, at Welsh. But Welsh was already
moving on to the next item on his agenda. Ray met his eyes, watched
him register the fact that he'd lucked out, and glanced down trying not
to look too pleased. "
okay."
Ray smirked, but left it to Armando to push the knife in a little more
firmly. "Later, Stanley." As Kowalski left at last he shut
the door firmly behind him. "Sir." He moved forward purposefully.
He needed to find out what the plans were that he'd just agreed to.
*
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Ray didn't need to look to know who was speaking. The other guy. The
fake Ray Vecchio. The
he tried to throttle back his instinctive
anger. A bit. This was the guy who'd taken over his life, taken Fraser
probably Renny as well. "How can you work in this mess?"
"No worse than
uh... the piles of crap you left all over the
place."
"Yeah, well my piles of crap were organised." He dumped one
handful of files on top of another pile, ignoring the slouching figure
in front of him.
Kowalski shifted his weight from one foot to the other, but his voice
remained calm and reasonable. "My mess is organised."
"Well, why don't you just organise it some place else?"
He straightened up, hands on hips, and silently challenged the scrawny
little jerk to do something about it.
"Okay." Still sounding unnaturally reasonable, Kowalski grabbed
the files and flung them violently across the Bullpen. "Is that
good?"
Outwardly, Ray didn't move a muscle, but he felt his body tense. He
met Kowalski's stare with apparent calm. "You got a problem?"
He got a full on glare in return. "Maybe, just maybe I don't like
the way you're sashaying around trying to take over everything."
He was taking over? That was rich! Ray leaned over the desk,
jabbing a finger at Kowalski, his voice tight with barely suppressed
fury. "This is my desk, it's my life, now get over it."
Kowalski snorted angrily. "Well you get over this." Almost
before Ray realised what was happening, Kowalski had grabbed the front
of his shirt and pulled back a fist, ready to let fly.
It was all the excuse Ray needed. He grabbed Kowalski's T-shirt with
both hands, hesitating between shoving him across the room and pulling
him in for a knee to the family jewels. But before anything serious
could get started, Frannie seemed to appear out of nowhere to pull them
apart.
"Okay, okay. All right, back off Kowalski that's my brother you're
talking to so just stay out of his face." She turned to Ray as
Kowalski backed away, still glaring. "And you! Did they give you
testosterone shots in the mob or what?"
It stopped him in his tracks. Only a kid sister could make him feel
like such a jerk. His eyes refused to meet hers and the anger faded
to a cold sick sensation in his gut. She glanced from him to Kowalski
and back again, making shooing motions. "Work!"
He looked across at Kowalski, sitting on the edge of a spare desk with
his head hanging dejectedly. Shit. Much as he'd like to blame the guy
for everything, he knew he was being unfair. "Listen, I uh-"
Kowalski raised a hand without looking up. "Hey. Forget about
it." He sighed. "It's just... uh
It's, you know, so
sudden. Look, I knew you were coming back, I just didn't
think
it would be, uh
so soon, so...."
"I know. It feels like you died and you didn't get everything done."
He watched Kowalski turn away and start to pick up the scattered papers.
God, he knew exactly how Kowalski was feeling. Which meant that maybe
Kowalski was the only person in the world who knew how he felt.
He wished it could be anybody but Kowalski, because he sure as
Hell didn't want to feel sorry for him. "You know, that's
how I felt when I walked out of here."
Kowalski didn't respond for a moment and he hesitated, wondering whether
he should offer to help or just leave it alone. Then Kowalski turned
to look him in the eye. "How's Vegas been?"
He shrugged helplessly. He couldn't even begin to answer that. "Undercover's
lonely."
"That it is." Wisely, Kowalski left it at that and just
carried on with the clean up.
Ray went over to help. He picked up a few files and laid them on the
desk. "Well, you got Fraser."
He'd only meant it to be a friendly comment, but Kowalski glanced at
him with a resentful gleam in his eyes. Anger stirred in Ray again and
he stared at Kowalski, hands on hips, silently challenging him. For
a moment he thought they might start another fight. Then Kowalski laughed.
"Right."
He knew what that laugh meant. Knew it to the depths of his soul, if
he still had one. Fraser
the weird, wonderful force of nature
that was Benton Fraser. Unexpectedly, Ray found himself laughing too.
*
The Consulate had moved. Ray vaguely remembered hearing something about
that from Renny before he left. Kowalski had offered to drive him over
and Ray had accepted, since he wasn't entirely sure where the Consulate
was any more. In spite of their spat earlier they'd discovered, somewhat
to the surprise of both of them, that it was possible to almost like
each other. He hoped, without much confidence, that Renny wouldn't be
there. But at least it was a relief to go into the new building and not
to have any memories of past visits.
The détente didn't last much past the front door. He followed
Kowalski through the reception area and down the narrow back hallway
feeling an unreasonable resentment at the other man's obvious familiarity
with the place. Kowalski pushed open a door and Ray shouldered past
him into a tiny office. Fraser was in there, wearing his red uniform.
Lust exploded in heart-pounding, knee-weakening pulses and he fought
the almost overpowering urge to shove Fraser up against the wall and
take him then and there. Just take him hard and fast, whether Fraser
wanted him or not. Just take him... the way Armando Langoustini took
anything he wanted.
Ray dragged in a shuddering breath and shoved his hands into his pockets
to hide their shaking.
"Ray!" It was Laurier's voice, behind him. He spun on his
heels. Laurier, in RCMP uniform, with the beard shaved off and his hair
shorter on top... "Ray, it's so good to..."
He watched the delighted smile crumble, unable to move even the frozen
muscles of his face. This was all going horribly, terribly wrong. His
stomach roiled dangerously. "Where's the john?"
"I'll show you." Renny summoned up a weak smile.
He pushed past the younger Mountie. "Just tell me, for God's
sake."
"Uh... through the Ice Queen's office. On the other side of the
hall." It was Kowalski who supplied the information, his voice
tense with barely repressed anger.
He made it just in time. It didn't seem to help any, but then he'd never
imagined the nausea was due to anything he'd eaten. Ray rinsed his mouth
out, and splashed water on his face, trying to clear his head, settle
his nerves a bit.
Fraser and Kowalski were there in Thatcher's office when he came out,
standing apart, not talking, not looking any too happy. Then Thatcher
arrived. She greeted him with her accustomed lack of enthusiasm and
it was almost a relief to find something from his former life he could
still relate to. And it didn't take long to figure out that she saw
a career opportunity in this mess. No wonder she was so... perky. Ray
suppressed a shudder and was relieved to find that she would be pairing
up with Kowalski for tonight's meet, even if that mean he was going to
be sitting alone in a car with Fraser.
There was no sign of Renny and that could only be a good thing. He'd
known it would be difficult seeing Renny again, but still hadn't been
able to repress his instinctive fight/flight reaction. It would be better
for Renny, for all of them, if he kept well away.
*
They'd been sitting in silence for too long. Ben stirred uncomfortably.
It wasn't as though they hadn't spent far longer periods alone together
without feeling the need to talk. This was different. The easy familiarity
that had always existed between them, almost from their first meeting,
had gone. Ray was a stranger
a cold, distant stranger, with an
aura of violence about him that chilled Ben to the bone. He couldn't
begin to imagine what he could say to the man Ray had become. Even Dief,
sitting in the back but poking his nose between them, seemed uncommonly
subdued.
Eventually, Ray stirred and looked across at him. "You know Benny,
the desert's okay and Nero does a great buttermilk but this is the stuff
I miss..."
"Like old times, eh?" Ben tried to smile but his voice sounded
hollow.
"Yeah..." Ray frowned slightly. "You remember that time
you locked us in that vault..."
"
and the water kept rising until we
we almost drowned."
Ben watched Ray unobtrusively, wondering where this was leading. It
wasn't exactly one of his happier memories. They'd spent most of the
time in that vault arguing.
Ray turned to face him. "Yeah... You know what I just said about
missing all this...?"
Ben felt his throat tightening. He nodded awkwardly. "Uh huh
"
"Forget I ever said it." Ray's voice was quiet, empty of emotion.
"Understood." As Ray leaned forward to replace his fake moustache,
Ben closed his eyes briefly and bowed his head. Only a few hours ago
he'd felt an almost unbearable joy at seeing Ray again. Now Ray was
telling him it was over. So this was how it all ended... not in the
heat of a fight, but with calm indifference. How could it possibly hurt
so much?
*
The last of Muldoon's henchmen disappeared behind a knot of terrified
shoppers and Ray Kowalski pulled up with a curse. He'd been off his
game tonight and it had showed. Just the fact that he'd tried to talk
about his insecurities with the Ice Queen, of all people, was proof of
that. He was lost, in more ways than one. Somewhere behind him Fraser
and Thatcher were taking on Muldoon, and Vecchio had disappeared in that
direction too. He turned back towards the fairground rides.
He rounded a corner and skidded to a halt. Fraser and Thatcher were
clinging to the ferris wheel and below them Muldoon was taking aim at
Fraser. Ray lifted his gun. He was too far away to have any real hope
of hitting Muldoon, but maybe he could get a bullet close enough to ruin
his aim. He fired, knowing it was already too late, and saw Vecchio
throw himself between Muldoon and Fraser, taking Muldoon's bullet for
his lover. Falling.
Despite their differences, there was nothing that brought a chill to
a cop's blood faster than the sight of another cop taking a bullet.
Ray was running before it even occurred to him that Muldoon might be
aiming at him next. But Muldoon hadn't lasted all these years by taking
unnecessary risks. He was already out of sight. Ray glanced up again
at Fraser and saw the look of utter devastation on his face, then he
was dropping to his knees beside Vecchio's body.
The wound was high up in Vecchio's chest, dangerously close to the heart.
Ray dragged out his cell phone and dialled 911one handed while he put
pressure on the wound with the other. Vecchio didn't move, but Ray could
feel the weak thud of his heartbeat. Still alive, but he didn't look
good. Huey appeared out of nowhere and Ray tossed him the cell phone,
heard him giving the 'Officer down' warning that would guarantee an immediate
response, then turned his attention back to Vecchio.
He was already very pale, his skin cold and clammy, breathing fast and
shallow. At least he was still breathing. "Hold on, Vecchio, just
keep it together. Help's on the way, okay?"
Vecchio gave no sign of having heard him. Ray dragged out a handkerchief
and pressed it against the wound with both hands. There was a lot of
blood, but it wasn't spurting the way it would if an artery was nicked.
There was still hope.
"Ray?"
At that moment Ray didn't know, and couldn't have cared less, which of
them Fraser was talking to. He looked up into Fraser's distraught face.
"He's still alive."
Fraser drooped to his knees on Vecchio's other side and took hold of
his hand. He reached out to touch Vecchio's cheek with trembling fingers.
"Ray
"
"He'll be okay, Frase. The paramedics'll be here any minute."
He looked over at Huey, who was staring at them both. "They're
coming, right?"
"Yeah." Huey seemed in shock too. "I'll go meet them.
Show them where to come."
Others were gathering round now, but Fraser seemed oblivious to them
all. He knelt in silence with Vecchio's hand clasped against his chest,
watching Vecchio's face. At this moment, Ray would gladly have changed
places with Vecchio. Would Fraser look like that if it was him on the
ground? Maybe. Maybe not. But he'd give anything not to see that lost
look in Fraser's eyes.
*
Funny how some things never change. Even after all he'd been through,
the instinct to protect Benny was still there. Just as it had been that
first time, when he'd pushed the Mountie out the window and taken the
full force of Drake's booby trap. Or when he'd thrown himself at Benny,
knowing full well that he'd be taking a bullet in the back from Dr Carter's
gun.
You'd think by now he would have gotten over it, but no
one glimpse
of Muldoon aiming his gun and Ray had flung himself forward without so
much as a second thought. And now he was back in a hospital bed with
a very sad and sorry looking Mountie staring down at him, just as he
had all those years ago when Ray had taken the force of that blast in
Frankie Drake's apartment. And Ray found that he wouldn't have changed
a thing. Maybe it took getting shot to bring him back to his senses.
But right now the Mountie had a job to do. Muldoon was dangerous. Benny
ought to be going after Muldoon, not hanging around a hospital waiting
to see if he was all right. There was no time for getting things
straight between them, either, even if Ray had the energy. Which he
didn't right now, so he did the only thing he could do.
It was harder than he expected to muster the energy to speak. "Do
you Mounties still always get your men?"
Benny looked taken aback for a moment. "We try to."
"Go get him, Benny." Ray managed a weak smile
It seemed like he understood what Ray couldn't quite manage to say out
loud. A faint smile curled those pretty lips and, for once, there wasn't
a hint of Armando Langoustini in Ray's response. Then he closed his
eyes with a sigh. When Benny got back they could sort things out.
*
Ray Kowalski watched from a distance as Holloway Muldoon was loaded onto
a helicopter, handcuffed between two of the biggest Mounties Ray had
ever seen. He grinned, glad to see the last of that scumbag, glad that
the adventure was over. So much had happened since he'd left Chicago
with Fraser that it seemed like he'd lived a lifetime in just a few days.
"Ray!"
He turned to see Renny striding towards him across the snow. "Hey,
buddy, how's it going?" He hugged Renny enthusiastically.
They'd met briefly after the shootout, but there had been too much to
do for them to be able to talk. Fraser had disappeared after Muldoon
and hadn't yet returned, and there had been the wounded from both sides
to care for. But now the wounded and Cyrus Bolt's goons had all been
flown out. Muldoon was the last to go.
"Isn't this exhilarating Ray?" Renny was bubbling with enthusiasm.
"Welcome to Canada."
Ray laughed. He'd seen a lot more of Canada than he would ever have
imagined, and surprisingly, he'd liked it. Apart from jumping out of
planes, climbing mountains and falling down ice crevasses. And all that
snow
"Good to see ya here. You seen Fraser?"
"He's over there, talking to Sergeant Frobisher." Renny pointed
to a small stand of trees beside the cabin and Ray finally saw the two
figures, almost invisible against the trees' darkness.
"Okay. Thanks." He started in their direction, but Renny
put a hand on his arm.
"I wouldn't just now, Ray." Renny was unusually serious.
"I think he wants to talk to Sgt Frobisher about his mother."
"Frobisher's mother?" Ray frowned. What did she have to do
with anything?
Renny smiled, as though he thought Ray was joking. "No, Fraser's
mother, Ray. Now that he's caught her killer, I'm sure he..." he
stopped as he saw Ray's confusion. "Muldoon killed Fraser's mother
twenty nine years ago. Sgt Frobisher told us."
A cold sensation gripped his guts as Ray switched his stare from Renny's
face to the two distant figures. Fraser had known all that time and
hadn't even told him? After all they'd been through together
in the last few days, Ray had thought there were no barriers between
them now, but obviously Fraser didn't feel the same way. How could someone
not tell his partner, his lover, about something as important
as that?
"Uh
I gotta
. I'll just
" he started walking
away, without any idea what direction he was going in, except that it
was away from Fraser. It wasn't as thought they hadn't had plenty of
time to talk about stuff. Last night, for instance... all that stuff
Fraser had said about partnership. At the time Ray had assumed that
he was saying he wouldn't be partnering with Vecchio when they got back
to Chicago, but maybe
"Ray
" Renny called after him. "Ray, wait!"
He stopped and waited for Renny to catch up with him. "Ray, I'm
sure Fraser would have told you
he only recently found out himself
"
Renny's face was crumpled with worry.
"Sure he would." Ray tried to smile. "When he found
time
ya know
I mean, it's not like we're going anywhere."
He gestured around at the snowy wilderness. "Anyway, why should
he tell me? I'm just the guy he fu
" he turned away and started
walking again, before he made himself look even more pathetic.
A large hand caught his arm in a firm grip. "Ray, you mustn't wander
off alone. It's very easy to get lost here. Come back to the cabin."
"Yeah, whatever." He shrugged and followed Renny back toward
the cabin.
At least half of Frobisher's trainee Mounties, as well as the Ice Queen,
had left with the bad guys, so there was room in the cabin for the four
of them to sleep, even if not comfortably. It also meant there was no
privacy to talk. After a few hours of listening to the others talking,
and feeling excluded by their Mountieness, Ray wandered out to look at
the moon. Dief followed him.
"Hey boy." He leaned down to ruffle the pale coat. "Guess
you feel right at home here. Guess Fraser does too."
"Yes, I do, Ray." Fraser's quiet voice, coming from behind
him, made Ray jump.
He turned to face his lover. "So yer staying? Or going back to
Vecchio?" Either way, he lost. It made him feel strangely calm
to realise that.
"Ray." Fraser bowed his head and shrugged. "I thought
I'd made it clear last night
you're my partner. So is Ray Vecchio."
"The real Ray Vecchio." That's what they all thought
of him; the not real Ray Vecchio.
"Yes." Surprisingly, Fraser smiled. "And you're the
real Ray Kowalski. Isn't that better than pretending to be someone
else?"
"I dunno. Is it?" His stare challenged Fraser.
Fraser started waking towards the trees. "Come here, Ray."
"Why?" He got no answer. Ray shrugged and trudged after him.
"Fraser, what
"
Once they came under the shadow of the trees, Ray found himself taken
in a firm grasp and thoroughly kissed. He was still gasping for breath
afterwards when he heard Fraser's soft chuckle. "Trust me, Ray."
"Sure." This was familiar ground. How many times had the
Mountie said that before trying out some new and exciting way to make
love? But
out here, in the snow? "What do ya wanna do?"
"No." Fraser's voice was just a faint sigh against his cheek.
Lips brushed over the warm spot left by his breath. "Trust
me, Ray."
Oh. Ray tried to relax, but he was too wound up, too full of insecurities.
He swallowed to ease the tightness in his throat. Fraser kissed him
again, walking him backwards until his back was pressed up against a
tree. Nobody would be able to see them from the cabin now.
Ray's lips parted and his tongue slid across Fraser's pouty bottom lip.
A soft moan escaped him. They kissed in silence for a long time until
Ray's body ached and his lips felt sore. Trapped between Fraser's body
and the tree, he still managed to push his groin against Fraser's, and
even through the layers of clothing, he could feel the matching arousal.
The fact that they weren't going to be able to do anything about it only
added to the excitement.
His fingers had somehow gotten tangled in Fraser's thick hair. Reluctantly,
he released his grip and leaned his head back against the tree trunk.
His lips were tingling and his cock throbbing gently.
"Trust me, Ray?" Fraser bent his head and nibbled delicately
at Ray's throat.
Ray laughed breathlessly. "Yeah. I guess." After all, what
choice did he have?
*
How could so much have changed in just a few days? There'd been too
much time, in the hospital, for Ray to think about that. Not to mention
the other things he'd much rather not be thinking about. Such as Benny,
disappearing off into the wilderness. Again. With Kowalski. Frannie
had told him that Renny had gone too, with the Dragon Lady. God only
knew what would happen to them all... Muldoon was a damned dangerous
man. On the third day he'd discharged himself, mainly because he couldn't
stand lying helplessly in a hospital bed while his lovers were in danger.
And then there was his own position to consider. His FBI contact had
managed to pass him a message that his former assistants were being kept
well away from any telephones, a condition that could well be permanent
for them, if they could be convinced to take witness protection. It
meant that Armando Langoustini would be able to disappear, hopefully
without trace.
Unfortunately, that wouldn't stop someone like John Laurier from trying
to find him. And the first place Laurier would look would be the last
place Armando had visited
Chicago. Somehow he had to get himself
out of town, and also make sure that neither of his lovers, or Kowalski,
was around when Laurier arrived. That wasn't going to be easy
The Twenty-Seventh Precinct had been in a state of barely controlled
chaos when he'd finally got there. Even Lt. Welsh had been pleased to
see him. In all the fuss, he'd barely noticed Stella Kowalski, and it
wasn't until hours later that he'd realised just what that name signified.
He'd flirted with her of course. She was his 'type', or would have been
if he'd had any real interest in women since Benny had come along. Flirting
was his natural reaction to any smart, slim, sharply dressed woman; it
didn't mean a thing. He'd been far too worried about his Mounties to
put much of an effort into it. At least, until it occurred to him that
Stella Kowalski could be very useful to him.
Yesterday, he'd got the news that they were all safe, and Muldoon was
on his way to the nearest Canadian jail cell in the company of half a
dozen of Canada's finest. And that Kowalski, high on the pure Canadian
air, no doubt, was planning on dragging Benny even further north in search
of the Hand of Franklin, whatever that was. That was when everything
seemed to fall neatly into place.
The quiet click of high heels alerted senses attuned to the slightest
hint of danger. Ray turned his head and smiled as he rose from his chair.
"Hello Stella."
"Ray." Stella smiled, blushing slightly. "You have no
idea how disconcerting it is to have to call you that."
"Oh, I think I've got some idea." He took her hand and squeezed
it lightly, then ushered her into her chair. "I won't ask you to
call me Armando, though." He smiled roguishly.
They paused then, to look through their menus. Ray already knew what
he'd be ordering. He knew this restaurant very well. "Will you
allow me to order for you?"
"Certainly. That's very... gentlemanly of you." Stella tilted
her head, considering him. "Quite old fashioned, but I don't mind."
"My mother taught me how to behave towards a lady." Ray turned
aside to give the waiter his order and waited for him to move away.
"Stella, I know we haven't known each other very long, but I feel...
that I can trust you."
Her eyes focused on his face, studying him. She was far from stupid.
Not that he'd ever had any doubts on that score. "Yes, Ray?"
"I need to leave Chicago." He smiled ruefully. "With
all due respect to your ex-husband, the cover that he provided won't
hold up once... shall we say, interested parties start looking for explanations.
It was never part of the plan for me to come out of cover the way it
happened."
"Aren't the FBI involved?" Stella paused as their appetisers
were placed in front of them. When the waiter retreated, she leaned
forward. "Surely they have some kind of back up plan?"
He spread his hands wide in a gesture of helplessness. "Would you
be willing to trust them with your life?" He laughed softly.
"I really hope your answer's no. You're much too beautiful to die
so young."
A tiny smile quivered at the corners of her mouth. "I see your
point. But what does it have to do with me?"
"Well..." he'd been toying with his salad, now he looked directly
into her eyes. "Forgive me if I'm wrong, Stella, but it seemed
to me you might be willing to... take a chance. A new relationship,
even a new city... I've always wanted to retire to Florida, now I've
got the chance to do it while I'm still young enough to enjoy myself."
He smiled seductively. "Even better if I can do it with you."
"I don't know..." Stella lowered her fork. "Ray, it's
not so long since I was married to a cop. I don't want to make the same
mistake twice."
It gave him pause. He knew, deep inside himself, that he was using her,
but he was at least partially attracted to her as well. She deserved
better than to be lied to and dragged into a relationship that might
have very little to offer her. "Stella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have asked on such a short acquaintance. Forget it."
Surprisingly, she shook her head. "No... I didn't mean to... I
am interested, but I hardly know you, after all."
The waiter arrived to remove their salads and they sat in silence, sipping
wine until the entrees arrived. Ray sighed. "Let's put our cards
on the table, shall we? I've told you I need to leave Chicago. I get
the feeling from you that a change of scenery might be on your agenda
too. We could... pool our resources, keep each other company."
"You'd need to leave soon, I suppose." Stella picked up her
fork and delicately speared a sliver of chicken. "How soon?"
"Three days." He said it bluntly, curious as to how she'd
take it.
She seemed completely unmoved. "I see... and you want me to leave
my job, my life, and come with you."
He shrugged as charmingly as he could manage. "I have my pension
sorted out, and my pay for the time I was undercover. It's a nice little
nest egg; you wouldn't have to rush to find work down there. Even Florida
must need District Attorneys, Stella."
"More than most, I would imagine." She smiled wryly. "All
right. I'll come."
He blinked. It had been far too easy. He saw the amusement in her eyes
and smiled. "And?"
"And nothing. As long as you understand that I'm not making any
commitments, beyond coming with you. I won't expect you to, either."
"Fellow travellers, huh?" Ray leaned back in his chair. "I
can go with that. It's a deal."
They chimed their wineglasses together in quiet celebration.
*
"So, I hear you got your man Benny?"
"Ray!" Ben couldn't hold back the smile that came to his face
at the sound of Ray Vecchio's voice. He clutched the handset tightly
as though that would somehow reduce the static on the line. "Ray,
it's good to hear your voice. How are you?"
"Me? Oh, I'm doing okay. Taking early retirement actually."
There was a lengthy pause. "How about you? And Renny?"
Ben glanced out the window of the small cabin and grinned. Ray had joined
Turnbull, Buck Frobisher and Dief in their nightly howl at the moon.
"We're both fine. Ray is too
he's enjoying the change of
scene."
"Yeah, well, Benny
maybe you can help me out there."
A nervous laugh was interrupted by a lengthy burst of static.
Ben frowned, not able to make out much more than the occasional word.
"Ray, I'm sorry, you're going to Florida with who?" He swallowed
a rising sickness in his stomach. He'd hoped to mend whatever had gone
wrong between them when they all returned to Chicago. But if Ray was
going to Florida
"
Stella, Benny.
getting married once we
bowling
alley, Benny. I always
"
The line went suddenly quiet. "Ray, are you still there? Did you
say you're marrying Stella Kowalski?" Please God, let him be wrong.
He didn't know how Ray would take that piece of news and Turnbull
would be devastated that their lover had left them once again. He couldn't
even begin to let himself think about his own reactions.
"That's right, Benny." Ray's cheerfulness sounded forced.
But then so did his own calmness. "We're flying out tomorrow.
How about you? You're planning on staying up there I heard."
"Oh
" Ben wondered who would have told him that. "Well,
Ray did say he'd like to find the Hand of Franklin."
"Sounds great. Uh
thing is, can you
I'm just kinda
worried about Renny. I don't think he'd be very happy in Chicago with
both of us gone. Maybe he could go with you."
Ben felt his eyebrows rise, but he forced his voice to remain even.
"I'm sure he can if he wants to."
He waited for Ray to say something, anything, about their relationship.
It had seemed that there might be hope the last time he'd seen Ray at
the hospital, but perhaps being shot again had been the last straw.
A long sigh echoed in his ear. "Well, I'd better go, Fraser. You
take care of Renny for me."
There was no time to say more. The line clicked and was silent.
*
In two days they'd be leaving, but for tonight the three of them had
the cabin to themselves while Sergeant Frobisher took his trainees on
night manoeuvres. They were huddled together in the only bed available,
warm but not feeling comforted by it. Renny shifted restlessly and twined
his fingers with Ray's. Since he'd heard the news about Stella, Ray
had been by turns wild with fury and deeply morose. Not even Fraser
had been able to help him. But then, Fraser was hardly in better shape,
even if he was more adept at hiding it.
His own emotions were far too painful to be let loose. Ray had left
them
left him. Ever since he'd realised he was gay, and
that his family would never be able to accept that fact, his life had
been rootless, the only anchor his devotion to the RCMP. Ray had changed
that
for the first time in his life, Renny had felt accepted for
who and what he was. When he'd been with Ray he'd felt at peace. Their
relationship might not have been wildly passionate like some he'd known,
but Ray had become a loving and stable foundation for his life when he'd
badly needed it. The year Ray had spent undercover had been difficult,
but survivable. The thought that he had lost Ray forever was almost
unendurable.
Of course he would have to carry on somehow, but he didn't know how.
Fraser, he admitted to himself, would not particularly care whether he
went on their adventure or not. Ray Kowalski seemed to want him, but
would probably prefer to be alone with Fraser. He didn't want to go
back to a Chicago that was devoid of anybody he cared about.
Beside him Ray stirred restlessly and turned to Fraser. He heard the
quiet exchange of words and then the sound of their kissing. Perhaps
he should leave. Or just pretend to be asleep. He didn't know if he
could do that
his face was already becoming heated, mostly with
embarrassment, at his unintentional eavesdropping.
A hand touched his thigh. "Renny? You awake?"
Renny rolled onto his side and snuggled up to Ray's back gratefully.
Ray and Fraser had started kissing again, so he nuzzled the back of Ray's
neck and breathed in the richer than usual scent of him. Washing up
was not as easy here as it was in Chicago. He stroked down over Ray's
side, sometimes brushing against Fraser's hand, until he found the turgid
length of Ray's cock.
Ray moaned quietly, his voice muffled by Fraser's mouth. Together Renny
and Fraser caressed him and occasionally each other. When Ray's head
turned towards him, a pale gleam in the darkness of the cabin, Renny
thought he saw a dark shadow against Ray's chest. He kissed the thin
lips and felt the tickle of hair against his cheek. Fraser. He cupped
his hand over Fraser's head, holding it against Ray's chest, and explored
Ray's mouth with slow, determined strokes of his tongue.
Mutual comfort gradually gave way to pleasuring. Ray, the focus of both
their efforts, writhed between their bodies as each of them indiscriminately
caressed him. Finally Renny turned him back towards Fraser and pressed
close against his back. His cock slid neatly into place between Ray's
buttocks and he began to thrust gently.
After a moment, Fraser had the rhythm too, and their gentle thrusts rocked
Ray's body between them. There was no passion, only a need for comfort
shared by them all. Ray came first, his body finding release with a
long shudder that was echoed by Renny and Fraser almost immediately.
For a while there was only the sound of their breathing, then they sleepily
rearranged themselves into a tangle of limbs that ought to be uncomfortable,
but somehow wasn't. Ray sighed. "It's gonna be okay. Isn't it?"
"Yes, Ray." Fraser's voice was tenderer than Renny had ever
heard it. He kissed the bony shoulder beneath his cheek and remained
silent.
*
The team was ready. The sled was packed. Dief was waiting eagerly for
them to get started. Ben looked over to where his lover and his colleague
were standing. They showed no signs of being ready to leave. With a
small sigh, he walked over to them.
"You sure about this Renny?" Ray was looking upset, and Turnbull
as determined as only he could. "Ya know he said
"
"I know, Ray." Turnbull smiled at Ray and then straightened
into a more formal stance. "I've decided to go back to Chicago,
Sir."
"Turnbull, you don't have to
" Ben stopped. "Back
to Chicago?" It was obvious that Turnbull wanted to make this official.
He was being addressed as a superior officer, not an occasional lover.
He pitched his own voice to a more formal tone. "May I know why?"
"I, uh
" as usual, Turnbull began to flounder. Then,
unexpectedly, he pulled himself together. "Sir, I believe that's
where my duty lies."
Ben's eyebrows slid upwards. Duty, under these circumstances, could
only mean Ray Vecchio. And Ray Vecchio was
well, somewhat of a
sore point right now. Ben ignored the painful tug in his chest and focussed
on the matter at hand. "Turnbull, Ray is in Florida. As far as
we know, he has no plans to return."
"But
"
"
and he did send a message suggesting that you join
us on this expedition. A suggestion I'm very happy to accept, by the
way." Which wasn't entirely true, but Turnbull didn't have to know
that.
Except, by the look on his face, Turnbull did know that. "That's
very kind, Sir, but, I believe I should return to Chicago."
Ray fidgeted. "But then you'll be alone."
"Ray, it's kind of you to be concerned, but I'll be all right."
Turnbull smiled down at the smaller man then exchanged a glance with
Ben. "And besides
uh
" he blushed, "I believe
some time alone together would be beneficial to both of you."
And that was far too obviously true for any of them to feel comfortable.
Ray needed help. Ray Vecchio's return had been difficult for all of
them, but particularly for Ray. Their pursuit and capture of Holloway
Muldoon had gone some way to reassuring Ray of his own continued interest,
and had increased Ray's confidence in himself, but Ben knew that a long
period of close companionship was what they both needed. Ray was, he
admitted reluctantly, not the only one in need of reassurance. Turnbull,
it seemed, was stronger than either of them.
Ray looked from Turnbull to Ben and back again. "You sure? Ya
don't havta."
"I know." With another smile, more stoical than serene, and
Turnbull stepped back a pace. "Have a safe journey, Fraser, Ray."
Ben simply nodded, knowing it was best to do this quickly. He started
for the sled, with Dief bounding happily at his side. After a few metres
he noticed Ray's absence and stopped. The two men were still standing
together, not speaking. Ray flung his arms around Turnbull and kissed
him soundly. Then he was running over the snow towards him grinning.
"So what we waiting for, Frase?"
*
It was hot in Florida. Well, that was the whole point, get away from
Chicago, from the freezing winters
for as long as Ray could remember,
he'd wanted to live here. It seemed like every time that he'd tried
to get to the Sunshine State something had gone wrong. Mostly that something
had involved Fraser. Well, he was here now, and he had a beautiful woman
at his side. And he wasn't enjoying it.
He had too much time on his hands. Time to think about what being Armando
had done to him, time to wonder how Fraser and Kowalski and Renny were
getting along. Time to obsess over Laurier, and what he might
be doing
most nights he woke from nightmares about that, and then
found himself falling asleep over his dinner while Stella tried to maintain
some kind of conversation with him.
Afternoons were the worst. Most days he swam in the pool in the basement
of the apartment building or went to the local pool hall. If he didn't,
then he'd more than likely fall asleep watching some crazy Spanish language
soap opera or game show. He was starting to feel like his old Uncle
Lorenzo. Soon, no doubt, he'd be hanging around in bars telling complete
strangers about his glory days as a Chicago cop and reminiscing about
Fraser.
The ringing of the phone roused Ray from contemplation of this unpleasant
prospect. He made a note to himself to see a shrink before he started
drinking like his old man as he reached for the phone. "Yeah.
Vecchio."
"Ray?" Frannie's voice reverberated sharply in his ear and
he winced. "Ray are you okay? Ma's worried sick about you. She
says you've only called once in the last three weeks."
"I'm fine Frannie. Tell her not to worry." He tried to ignore
a twinge of guilt. He hadn't seen much of his mother when he'd been
in Chicago either. She'd been too upset when he'd got shot to visit
the hospital and once he was out, he'd stayed in his old apartment rather
than face the family. "I'll call her tonight, okay? Or tomorrow
at the latest."
"Promise? Scout's honour?" She sounded sceptical, as well
she might. "She's really upset, Ray."
"I promise, okay?" He clutched the phone a little tighter.
"How is everybody?"
His sister chose to interpret his query in the broadest possible terms.
Before he knew it, Ray was being updated on the minutiae of the lives
of his family and everybody at the Twenty-Seventh. She even threw in
Thatcher for good measure, though there was no love lost between those
two, not with Fraser to fight over for the last four years.
"Well, that's great Frannie." He broke in when she showed
signs of getting her second wind. "Good to hear all the news."
"Oh yeah
that reminds me. You'll never guess who turned up
last week!" Frannie laughed coyly. "I'll give you a hint
he wears this red jacket and
well, okay, I'll grant you he's not
the Mountie, but
"
"Renny?" The chill Ray felt had nothing to do with the air
conditioning. "Turnbull's back in Chicago?"
"He decided not to go on that silly expedition. Do you think that
maybe Fraser will see sense? I mean if Renfield did, then
"
"Frannie, this is important. You gotta get a message to Renny,
okay?" He hesitated, wondering what he could safely tell her.
"Tell him to
no wait, do you know where he's living?"
The urgency in his voice must have got through to her. "No. What's
up, Ray? And what's it got to do with Renfield?"
"Hang on a minute." He paced up and down, his mind working
furiously. He couldn't expect Frannie to break the news about Laurier.
It was going to hit Renny hard enough. This was something he
had to do. "Look, Frannie, see if you can find out where he is.
Give him this number and tell him to call me urgently, okay? I've got
a couple of numbers I can try, but I don't know if he's gonna be there.
Do it today Frannie. Right now."
"What's going on? How serious is this, Ray?"
He tried to keep his voice calm. "Very serious. Do it Frannie,
and call me back. Please."
The Consulate was already closed. No answer at his old apartment, not
even an answer phone. The lease had been due to run out in a month or
two and he'd been in a hurry to get out of Chicago, so he'd just walked
out. Maybe Renny had gone back there, maybe not. Either way, the chances
were that Ray would have to go back to Chicago, and soon.
*
Renny carefully considered his mental checklist. The upstairs windows
had definitely been secured, and the back door. Inspector Thatcher's
office had been cleared and all the papers she'd been working on were
locked either in the small safe, or the filing cabinet. The desk in
the hallway was fine, nothing of importance there. He frowned, wishing
that Fraser was still in Chicago and living at the Consulate. It had
certainly made things a lot easier. Two days ago he had left out some
sensitive documents overnight and Inspector Thatcher's reprimands were
still vivid in his memory.
He avoided looking down the hallway towards Fraser's old office and sighed.
Inspector Thatcher had told him, rather grudgingly, that he could have
the office if he wished. Implicit in her tone was the warning that he
might occupy the physical space of the former occupant, but he would
never be able to replace him. Not that he would want to try
still,
he had refused politely. He stuck his head inside the meeting room,
but it was almost bare, certainly there was nothing that needed to be
locked away for the night.
In the hallway, Renny stopped to retrieve his coat and Stetson. It was
still chilly, even for him, at this time of year. The keys were on his
desk and he pocketed them briefly as he walked toward the door. It was
a longish walk to the apartment and the light was fading rapidly. During
the winter he'd occasionally taken a cab or the El, but he preferred
to walk.
Outside, he locked the deadbolt and turned away from the Consulate door
with some relief. Now that neither Ray nor Fraser was in Chicago, he
had no real reason to stay here. Only the hope that Ray Vecchio might
return kept him from requesting a transfer. But Ray was gone, leaving
not so much as a goodbye message. Worse, he had gone with Stella Kowalski,
with the avowed intention of marrying her. It was silly of him to continue
to hope, but he did.
A sudden gust of wind sent his Stetson flying before he could lift a
hand to prevent it. Renny ran the few steps necessary to retrieve it
and was straightening when he sensed a presence behind him.
"Excuse me. Did you drop this?" The voice was somehow familiar,
perhaps it was the Canadian accent.
Before he could turn to face the other man he was hit, a stunning blow
to the side of his head that knocked him to the ground. For a moment,
before everything faded, Renny could have sworn that he'd been attacked
by a mirror image of himself. Except that his eyes had never been so
angry, and he had never worn a goatee beard.
*
Consciousness seeped into his brain, slow and heavy, and Renny stirred
reluctantly. At first he was only aware of the ache in his head and
the fuzzy sensation in his mouth. Drugs? Or perhaps a blow
he
couldn't remember. Eventually the discomfort of his body made itself
known to him and he tried to move. He couldn't
at least, not very
far. He lay thinking about it for a while, then tried again. This time
he was able to confirm what his still dazed mind had not been able to
accomplish before.
He was naked, lying face down on a soft surface, probably a bed. His
arms were pulled over his head and restrained with a pair of metal handcuffs,
and his legs had been spread wide and tethered at the ankles. He was
lying in an awkward, twisted position and he couldn't move more than
a few centimetres in any direction.
As the pounding in his head receded, Renny became aware he was not alone.
Someone was nearby; he could hear the sound of breathing. It took more
of an effort than it should to lift his head, ignoring his protesting
neck muscles, and open his eyes.
Perhaps he was still unconscious. Or perhaps he'd simply gone mad.
Renny stared up into his own face, a face full of anger and something
infinitely more dangerous. He swallowed, and closed his eyes briefly.
When he opened them again, the man with his face was still there. It
had been real then, not an illusion caused by the blow to his head.
"Where's Armand?" The voice, low and angry, was his too, even
to the Canadian accent. "Armando Langoustini."
Confusion was his initial response. This man had known Armando Langoustini?
And therefore Ray? He held onto that confusion through a couple of painfully
accelerated heartbeats. It might help him to keep from unintentionally
betraying Ray. "Who?" His voice was rough, his throat dry.
He was in no way prepared for the fist that drove into his left cheekbone,
or the fingers that clenched in his hair and dragged his head up for
another blow. This time it fell across the mouth, making it bleed.
"Don't lie to me! Tell me where he is!" The other man's face
was twisted with rage. He lifted his hand again, open-palmed this time,
and slapped him on his already throbbing cheek.
"I don't
" Renny cried out as another blow wrenched his
head around and out of the other man's grasp. For a moment he lay with
his face buried safely between his arms and shuddered.
A vicious tug on his hair dragged his head up again. There was pause
as his doppelganger took in the tears on his cheeks. He sneered. "Snivelling
little coward. I haven't even started yet." The thin lips closed
like a trap. Then
"If you don't know Langoustini, where's
Vecchio?"
This time he couldn't hide his reaction. The other's right hand lifted
again and in spite of himself, Renny flinched. The contemptuous expression
on his attacker's face was almost worse than the anticipated pain. He'd
always been like this, unable to put on a brave front, unlike Ray, or
Fraser, or his classmates at Depot. When they'd sprayed his eyes with
pepper spray during training, he'd screamed. He had a low pain threshold,
he'd been told. It didn't prevent him from doing what he must, but it
still shamed him that he couldn't control himself better.
"Ray? He's
he's in Canada." The force of the blow rocked
his head, wrenching his neck muscles. "No, please!" He tried
desperately to work out what he could safely tell his interrogator.
"He went with Fraser. To
to find the Hand of Franklin. It's
"
He was interrupted by another slap. "I know what it is,
you moron. When did they go?"
It took a moment to calculate. He couldn't allow this man to suspect
that Ray and Armando Langoustini were the same person. "Uh
it was about six weeks ago. Late February." Renny gasped with
relief as his hair was released after one last vicious tug. Let it be
over
before he made a mistake. But he knew it wasn't. He struggled
to drag in enough air to ease his lungs and licked away the blood that
was welling from his split lip.
When he risked a glance from between his arms, the other man was pacing
up and down, smooth and dangerous as a caged panther. Their eyes met
and Renny flinched away, unable to face the madness in a face almost
indistinguishable from his own.
"Do you know who I am?" The madness seemed to increase. He
took two quick steps towards the bed and dragged Renny's head up again,
studying him intently. "Do you?"
"No." The expected blow came and he cried out again.
"You're not me. You're nothing like me, you pathetic bastard."
The Canadian jerked his head back still further, until Renny's throat
was taut. "Didn't Vecchio tell you about me? Did he tell you about
Laurier?"
"No." The hand, identical to his, lifted. "No, he didn't,
I swear!"
"What about Fraser? Didn't he tell you about how he arrested
me?" Laurier's eyes narrowed dangerously. But the blank look on
Renny's face must have convinced him. He let go and turned away. "You're
useless."
There was a long silence. Renny didn't even try to look at his captor.
If Laurier really had given up, then probably the last thing he would
ever know was the cool touch of a gun muzzle against the base of his
skull. Or Laurier might just continue beating him until he could no
longer prevent himself from betraying his friends. Renny hoped desperately
for the gun.
At last he was aware of Laurier's presence beside the bed. He waited,
holding his breath, for whatever would come. His only warning was a
faint swishing noise and then pain flashed through him as something
a belt? struck across the tender skin of his buttocks. Uncontrollably,
he screamed, then bit down on the pillow to muffle the sounds as blow
after blow followed the first.
When all the individual pains had melded into one and it seemed like
there was no part of his body that could possibly be unmarked, the beating
stopped. Renny's heart was racing from a combination of pain and fear,
but even above the pounding in his ears, he could hear Laurier's ragged
breathing. He waited, expecting more questions, wondering if he would
have the strength or the courage to continue to resist. But when it
came, Laurier's next move was worse than anything he could have imagined.
At first the shifting balance of the bed didn't register. Next came
the touch of hot bare skin between his thighs. Even then, Renny's exhausted
mind couldn't grasp the meaning of it, until a heavy body came down across
his own, and a hard cock drove between his buttocks. He struggled then,
uselessly, against his bonds while Laurier forced his way, by brute force,
into his body.
There was nothing about what followed that was anything Renny could recognise
as sex. Laurier hadn't used any preparations, not lube, not even, he
realised with a shock, a condom. Each furious thrust rocked the whole
bed and sent harsh stabs of pain through his body. He tried desperately
to relax his muscles, hoping to make it easier for himself, but couldn't.
Every nerve ending in his body was alive with pain and his mind simply
rejected every effort he made.
The assault continued, unrelenting, unending. Laurier's hoarse gasps
echoed obscenely in his ears, matching his thrusts. Renny's questing
fingers touched the iron bars of the bed frame and gripped them as though
they could somehow save him from this nightmare. Soon it would be over.
Soon. And then the gun would set him free.
But when it was over, Laurier left the bed. Left him lying there. He
heard the rustle of clothing being donned and then the quiet opening
and closing of the door. Renny pressed his face into the pillow and
sobbed.
*
Ray had thought he'd never see the familiar sight of Chicago's skyline
piercing the haze of pollution again. It surprised him to realise how
much he'd missed the Windy City. In any other circumstances he would
have been overjoyed to be back again.
Frannie had called back after one of the longest days of his life to
say that Renny was living in the apartment, but there was no reply
when she rang. He hadn't turned up at the Consulate either. It all
added up to something very nasty. By that time it was too late to do
anything that night, so he'd arranged a flight, a very private flight,
not listed with any air traffic controller, for the following morning.
Stella hadn't been particularly upset to come home and find him packing,
but then he hadn't expected that she would. They'd been sleeping in
separate bedrooms since soon after their arrival in Florida.
During the drive into the city Ray began making calls. First to the
Twenty-Seventh Precinct, to speak to Frannie. She'd called by the apartment
again last night and this morning, and found no sign of Renny. Next
the Consulate, where Meg Thatcher answered sounding more irritable than
usual. He didn't help matters by telling her that Renny was sick and
wouldn't be coming to work that day. Then he called a few select, unlisted
numbers and started asking some hard questions.
Before he'd reached the Loop he had all the information he needed. He
found a convenient park on East Wacker a couple of blocks from the apartment
building that Laurier usually used when he was in Chicago and walked
the rest of the way.
*
As soon as he opened the door, Ray knew he was too late. Which was pretty
much what he'd expected, but his guts cramped all the same. Had he really
expected Laurier to pass up an opportunity like this?
Renny lay in an awkward sprawl on the large bed. Too awkward to be natural.
For a horrible moment, Ray thought he must be dead. But then he saw
the leather cuffs tethering his ankles to either corner of the bed frame,
holding his legs wide apart. The handcuffs had been looped through the
frame on the left side and closed around each wrist, forcing Renny to
lie in a twisted position designed to make it impossible for him to be
comfortable.
Comfort was out of the question anyway. His bare back and buttocks were
covered in bruises and reddened welts. Ray knew all too well what that
meant. Though he'd never allowed Laurier to go so far, this was what
passed for foreplay with the Canadian.
He didn't know how long he'd have. Ray hurried over to the bed and reached
across it to touch Renny's shoulder. A weak shudder ran through the
long, rangy body but Renny's head remained buried between his arms.
"Renny... it's okay, it's me." Even though the room was empty
he spoke in little more than a whisper.
The sandy head lifted and Renny twisted around to look up at him. "Ray..."
His voice broke on a sob but he was smiling.
Ray cupped his bruised cheek. "I'll get you out of here as fast
as I can. Did he leave the keys here?"
"No." Renny's face grew worried. "Ray, he's never gone
for very long and I don't know how long it's been."
"It's okay. Just hang on." He fished in his pocket for his
own handcuff keys, still on his key chain even though he no longer owned
any handcuffs. Usually one key would work on any of them.
He'd got one wrist free and was bent over Renny's ankles, wrestling with
the stiff leather when Renny's choked cry alerted him. Too late. Ray
looked up into the barrel of Laurier's favourite gun and then past it
to the twin of his friend, his ex-lover John Laurier.
"Armand, how nice to see you again." The smile, feral and
cruel, was worse than anything he'd seen before. This was Laurier without
even his usual thin veneer of civilisation. The gun barrel swung away
from him then back, hard.
*
He couldn't have been out long. When Ray woke he was tied to a chair
and Laurier was circling Renny like a shark with fresh meat. There were
new welts on Renny's back, some of them oozing blood.
"John!" Ray managed not to flinch when Laurier's gaze found
him. If the man he'd known in Las Vegas had delighted in cruelty, this
man was far beyond that. There was something different, something not
entirely sane, in the doubly familiar face. He tried to make his voice
seem quietly reasonable. "John, you don't want him. You
know I can give you more than he ever could."
"You're offering to take his place?" That smile again. "How
sweet. You'd really sacrifice yourself for him? Why?" Laurier's
voice hardened on the last word.
Ray made himself return the smile. "Sacrifice? Is that what you
think I was doing in Vegas?" It was his best 'Armando' voice
easy, sexy, a little arrogant.
Laurier hesitated, looking down at Renny's prone figure. His face, when
it lifted again was confused, angry. "It wasn't because I looked
like him?"
"That was a shock, I admit." He managed a casual shrug
as best he could with his hands tied behind his back. "John, would
I put myself at risk just to pretend I'm with someone else? You think
I'm that crazy?"
"Are you?" Laurier was drifting towards him. His hand dipped
into his jacket pocket and came out holding a gun. "Well, Armand?"
"Where you're concerned, maybe." Ray met his eyes and tried
to keep the sick feeling off his face. "Look at him, John. He's
a pale shadow of the man you are."
The blue eyes flickered, but the gun never wavered. "And you want
me. Me. Not him."
"Not him. I want you."
Laurier's hand lashed out, catching Ray across the lips. "You like
it rough, don't you, Armand?"
"Yeah. You know I do. You know what I want." He licked the
blood away slowly.
Ray leaned forward trying to look eager, and Laurier grabbed the front
of his jacket and hauled him bodily to his feet. He was pulled over
to the wall and pushed up against it, while Laurier pressed up close
behind him. Ray slid his fingers over the length of his erection.
"Untie me John." His voice was low and husky.
Laurier's hand, still holding the gun, slammed into the wall beside his
head. "Do. You. Think. I'm. A. Fool?" He bounced Ray's
head off the wall between each word.
Shit. Ray struggled not to give way to the resulting dizziness. He
thought his nose was bleeding now. "No marks. That was the deal,
John."
"That was the deal with Armand. But you're not Armand." Laurier's
voice was now frighteningly calm. "There's a new deal now, dead
man. You do whatever I say, and I won't hurt your pathetic boyfriend.
Are you going to take it?"
"Sure. I'll take it." What else could he do? Watch while
Laurier beat and raped Renny? There was no choice.
Laurier made a sound somewhere between a grunt and a laugh. His gun
hand stayed where it was, only inches from Ray's nose, though it might
as well have been miles for all the chance Ray had of getting hold of
it. Laurier's left hand slid between the wall and Ray's body, finding
his pants and tugging at the belt impatiently. It came free at last
and he tore at the pants, managing to pull the button loose and drag
the zipper down. He stepped back for a moment and shoved Ray's pants
and shorts down off his hips.
Ray leaned into the wall, his legs parted, knees slightly bent. Even
so the force of Laurier's penetration nearly threw him off balance.
The pain was nothing; he was used to that, but something inside him rebelled
at this use of his body. It didn't matter that he was doing it to protect
Renny. It didn't matter that Laurier had fucked him dozens of times
in the last few months. His mind, his body, told him it was wrong,
a soul deep wrongness that made his guts heave and his mind scream silently
for it to be over. He stared at the gun, back in place against the wall
and clamped his lips shut.
And then it was over. Too soon
and every instinct he had
cried warning. Laurier's hand dragged Ray roughly around to face him.
He leaned back against the wall, needing its support. Then the hand
pressed downwards and his already shaky knees gave way.
He was on his knees, face to face with Laurier's cock, jutting purple-tipped
and angry from his pants. A drop of precum gathered in the slit and
dribbled its way across the cockhead, and Ray saw tiny flecks of shit
on the burning skin. Laurier hadn't used a condom.
There was no time to think about what might be a death sentence. He
was already as good as dead, anyway. Ray opened his mouth obedient to
Laurier's unspoken command, and the thick cock slammed into his mouth,
half choking him. He could taste the precum, and the shit, as Laurier
pounded into him, bouncing his head off the wall until Ray saw stars.
Eventually, he managed to cooperate, knowing that it was the only way
to end this quickly. He accepted the hot, sickening gush gratefully
and slumped back against the wall, his head bowed, gasping for breath.
When he looked up again, Laurier was back beside the bed, belt in hand,
staring down at Renny.
*
It was only a matter of time
but the first thwack of leather on
bare flesh made Ray flinch reflexively. He fought the urge to look up,
to see the belt descend on Renny's pale skin. That wasn't going to get
either of them out of here alive. With a patience he once would never
have believed he was capable of, Ray turned his attention back to his
bonds. They were very slightly looser than they had been. Not loose
enough though. Not nearly loose enough.
The sounds continued, but Renny was silent, as he had been ever since
Ray had woken tied to the chair. He worked at the ropes, relieved that
Laurier hadn't had two pairs of handcuffs. When he felt the trickle
of blood on his raw wrists, he was only thankful that the extra moisture
would help.
He'd thought that the sound of Renny's beating was sickening, but when
it stopped, he knew it was only the beginning. He couldn't stop himself
looking towards the bed. Laurier was kneeling on it, hands fumbling
with his pants. Beyond him, Renny's fists were clenched, white-knuckled,
on the iron railing of the bed; the long muscles of his arms were taut,
but his head was still hidden between them.
"Laurier!" Ray's voice was desperate. He couldn't let this
happen. He had no way of stopping it, except by persuasion. "John,
you can't do this."
Laurier laughed and turned his head to look over his shoulder. "And
how are you going to stop me? Call in the Iguana family?"
There was only one chance, and he didn't even know if it was the truth.
God knew he didn't want to say this in front of Renny. "For God's
sake, Laurier, look at him. He's your mirror image; and he's adopted,
just like you. He's your brother."
Renny's body heaved. His head lifted at last and turned toward Ray.
"Ray? Ray, is it
"
"Shut up!" Laurier slammed his gun hand into Renny's head.
"Shut the fuck up. If I see your face, I'm gonna blow your fucking
head off. I'm not warning you again."
There was a brief silence as Renny subsided and Laurier visibly struggled
for control. Ray's heart was pounding painfully against his ribs. He
swallowed. "Laurier
"
The gun was suddenly pointing in his direction. "I don't fucking
care." Laurier dragged in a shaken breath and grinned.
"Keep it in the family, eh, Armand?"
"Don't do it, John." He didn't care that his voice was pleading.
"You don't wanna do this."
The gun lowered uncertainly. "Don't I?" Laurier looked down
at Renny. He put the gun down on the bed and Ray heard the rasp of his
zipper.
He had to look away then, and do his best to tune out the sounds from
the bed as he struggled with his bonds. There wasn't going to be much
time. Laurier was losing control, losing his sanity in front of Ray's
eyes. He was almost certain that as soon as Laurier was finished with
Renny he would kill them both.
Ideally, he should get his hands free, but it was clear enough that he
wouldn't have time for that. But now that Laurier's attention was focused
so completely on Renny, he could take a risk he wouldn't normally have
considered. The rope wasn't loose enough to let him free, but it might
just be enough
Ray wriggled, did his best to fold himself in half,
and managed to slide his backside and legs through the circle of his
arms, bringing them to the front.
At least now he had a few more options. There wasn't much in the room
he could use as a weapon. Ray's eyes fixed on the gun, lying forgotten
on the bed beside Laurier and Renny's bodies. Two steps were all it
would take, but if Laurier were to have the slightest warning
His fingers, half numb, closed around the gun butt and fumbled for the
trigger. Laurier was still thrusting viciously into Renny's unmoving
body, but at the last moment his head came up and he began to turn.
Without the slightest hesitation Ray pulled the trigger. Blood exploded
from the side of Laurier's head and he dropped like a stone.
Renny screamed hoarsely, dragged in a ragged breath and screamed again.
Laurier was lying on top of him, his shattered head over Renny's. The
screams died away to harsh sobbing breaths as Ray threw himself onto
the bed, pulling at Laurier's body. Renny cried out in pain this time,
and Ray realised, sickeningly, that Laurier's cock was still inside him.
He shifted his grip to Laurier's hips and eased him free.
Now Laurier's body was between him and Renny. Ray hurried to the other
side of the bed and lifted Renny's blood soaked head. "It's over,
okay? We gotta get out of here. Can you help me?"
It was the right thing to say. The Mountie in Renny came visibly to
the fore and he nodded, then shuddered as blood trickled down his cheek.
Ray grabbed the edge of a sheet and wiped the worst of it off.
They were both a mess. Ray realised he was kneeling, naked from the
hips down, his hands still tied together, in front of a handcuffed and
tethered man who'd been badly abused. And they had to get out of there
before anybody came to investigate the sound of the shot. There was
no way they could afford to be found here with Laurier's body.
Ray reached across Renny's body and searched Laurier's pockets for the
key to the handcuffs, ignoring the still hard cock poking out of the
fly. He found it and freed Renny's abraded wrists.
He held his hands out. "Can you untie me?"
"I think so." Renny's voice was shaky but superficially calm.
He avoided looking into Ray's face. But his fingers were almost as bad
as Ray's and he couldn't manage the knots. "I'm sorry
"
"It's okay. I'm gonna look for a knife." He touched Renny's
cheek lightly. "Just take it easy. You're gonna have to walk a
ways."
He found a knife after a brief search. It wasn't very sharp, but Ray
managed to cut through the rope enough that his hands were free, even
if there was still rope around his wrists. That could come off later.
He used the knife to rip through the stitching on the leather ankle cuffs
too, and Renny was free.
"Can you sit up?" He eased Renny into position, half sitting
half leaning against the bed head and left him there while he searched
for the Canadian's clothes.
Everything was taking longer than it should. By the time he'd got Renny
dressed he was in a state of barely controlled panic. With one of Renny's
arms over his shoulder, he steered the still shocked man to the door.
Then it would be two flights of stairs; no risking taking the elevator
with them both in this state, and then the two blocks to the car he'd
hired. Or, dammit, just abandon that and call a cab. Except that any
cab driver worth his salt would remember two battered and shaking men,
one in Mountie uniform, leaving the scene of a homicide, once it hit
the news. So it was walk then
*
Ray didn't even remember reaching the car. There were a few terrifying
memories of weaving dangerously fast through heavy traffic, but mostly
he remembered pulling up in the garage of his apartment building and
dragging Renny out of the car and into the elevator. God help them if
anybody saw them, but there was no way they could manage eight flights
of stairs.
He didn't think anybody did see them, but by then he was almost as unsteady
on his feet as Renny and beyond noticing. Reaction was setting in.
He'd killed before, but never a lover. Never the mirror image of his
lover. Never a man who'd raped him. Somehow he got Renny into the apartment
and onto the bed.
The big Canadian was sickly white with shock, where he wasn't bruised,
and the weals on his back needed attending to. God only knew what internal
injuries there might be. He needed to go to hospital, but the staff
would insist on reporting them, and as soon as Laurier's death was discovered
they'd be toast. So he'd just have to do the best he could.
He sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at his friend and lover.
It was the first real look he'd had since coming back to Chicago and
having his cover blown by Benny. God, how he'd missed him. Missed the
innate goodness; missed it even more than he had Benny's, since he'd
had Laurier's face to remind him what it was about Renny that he most
loved. He wondered if that sweetness would survive what had been done
to him, and thought that probably it would. He hoped so.
The blue eyes opened and stared up at him. Ray bent over and kissed
the thin lips gently. "Renny, I gotta get you cleaned up, okay?"
"Yes, Ray." There was a world of hurt, and need, in those
eyes. But as he slid an arm under Renny's broad shoulders, the Canadian
pushed himself up slowly, leaning against him in perfect trust.
"You wanna have a bath?" Ray pulled off the boots and socks
before getting him on his feet.
Renny stood swaying gently as Ray undressed him, making no move to assist.
Even so, he nearly fell as Ray peeled the undershirt over his head.
If he'd tried bending over to remove his jodhpurs he would have ended
up flat on his face.
He led Renny into the bathroom and got the bath started running. It
was a large one, big enough for two, three if they got really
friendly, and one of the little indulgences he'd insisted on. He had
no intention of getting in it with Renny though, not after what he'd
been through.
But when the water was deep enough to make it worth while, and Renny
was settled in there, he reached out a large bony hand to Ray. Ray took
it without hesitation.
"Ray would you
I don't want to be alone." Renny looked
up at him, his face quiet, but his eyes reflected the depth of his need.
He never liked to ask for anything, never wanted to demand more than
his lovers were willing to give. And he never understood that simply
by being who he was, and by loving them the way he did, he made huge
demands on them. Demands they would do anything to fulfil.
A smile spread across Ray's face. It was so simple and honest a reaction
that it shocked him. He'd thought he could never feel like that again.
"I'd love to join you. I just wasn't sure if you
hang on."
He stripped as quickly as he could, given that his hands were still shaking
and he was so stiff he could hardly move. He eased into the steaming
water with a groan, feeling it sting in places he didn't want to think
about. The water level was high enough now, and he turned off the faucets
and relaxed back into the water. At his side Renny hesitated a moment
then drifted against him. He raised an arm invitingly and a moment later
had a damp head resting on his shoulder, a long, hard body pressed close
to his side. He kissed the broad forehead lightly and they soaked in
silence for a while.
After a while, being Renny, and almost like a child in some ways, he
grew restless. Ray felt the long fingers playing with his chest hair
and smiled. There was nothing sexual about it. When Renny wanted sex
he went at it with a single-mindedness that would have seduced a saint
from his celibacy. No, this was just playing prompted, no doubt, by
a need for safe, physical intimacy, for reassurance. And Ray knew exactly
what reassurance Renny needed.
He let out a long sigh. "It wasn't you, when I came back last time.
You know that, don't you?"
"I think so, Ray." Renny's head twisted up to look at him.
"It wasn't." Ray cupped his hand over the bruised cheek and
brushed his thumb over Renny's swollen bottom lip. "I was
I guess I was lost. I was still more Armando Langoustini than Ray Vecchio.
I still am, I suppose. And seeing you
"
"You're not Armando, Ray." Renny's eyes were clear
and sure on his. "Armando would never have tried to rescue me.
Nobody else I know would have let
let someone rape him to protect
me."
"Some protection." Ray laughed bitterly. What his old man
would have said about that was something he'd rather not think about.
But that wasn't going to help Renny, and he let the old feelings of inadequacy
slip away. "I know I hurt you, but I didn't want to. I just couldn't
tell you why I reacted that way, without telling you about
about
him
"
The big body tensed against his and Renny's head was lowered, but his
fingers still teased absently at Ray's chest hairs. Ray waited. However
the question, when it came, wasn't the one he'd expected.
"He was your lover, wasn't he?" The long fingers stilled at
last and flattened against his suddenly pounding heart. "Was it
"
his breath caught on a sob, "was it because of me?"
"Yeah, he was my lover. But it wasn't because of you. He and Armando
had already got involved." That was close enough to the truth to
work. "And I already knew him. I'd arrested him once." His
voice got very thin all of a sudden and he had to consciously relax his
throat muscles to be able to continue. "He was
he knew me.
Knew Ray Vecchio. I needed that."
"Oh
" Renny's head came up again and he leaned away a
little to look at Ray. "I think I understand, Ray." He smiled
sadly and leaned in to kiss him.
It was a nice kiss. The kind of kiss that wasn't going to lead to anything,
that couldn't lead to anything
not tonight, not anytime
soon, Ray suspected. When it finished he lay still, waiting. Renny's
eyes asked the question and his answered; they didn't need words. They
kissed again, and again, until the water was cooling and they had to
wash each other down and rinse off in the shower.
Ray wrapped Renny in a thick robe, which was easier than trying to pat
him down with a towel, then bundled him into the wide bed in the master
bedroom. He dried himself off hurriedly and dressed in an old pair of
RCMP sweat pants and top, raided from Renny's drawer.
He stroked his hand over the short springy hair. "You need to see
a doctor. Got any ideas?"
Renny blinked up at him drowsily. "There's a man. He's a friend
of Fraser's. 555 3050."
"You trust him?" Ray waited for a nod of confirmation and
then went out into the hallway to make the call. He didn't want Renny
hearing what he had to say.
*
Two hours later, he was sitting on the bed, with Renny's head on his
lap while a complete stranger performed an internal exam on his lover.
There wasn't a sound, but he felt the big body tense and began to stroke
his hair gently. A large hand clutched at his other hand and he tightened
his fingers around it. It seemed to be taking far too long, but when
Ray thought to look at the clock it had only been a few minutes.
Dr Springfield straightened with a grimace and peeled off his latex gloves.
"There's nothing too serious there
a bit of rectal tearing
and some bruising. I've administered an antibiotic suppository, and
I'll leave you some tablets, for that and the wounds. There's also some
antiseptic cream."
"Thanks. I appreciate you coming here. It isn't something his
boss needs to find out about." Ray looked up at the older man and
hoped like Hell that he accepted the explanation. It was true enough,
he supposed, even if Meg Thatcher was too busy, with the Consulate denuded
of staff, and, to make things worse, in the middle of yet another change
of premises, to care too much.
He was subjected to a searching stare. "You look like you could
have run into the same people. I'll examine you in the bathroom if you
prefer."
"Sure." Ray repressed a sigh and bent over Renny. "You
okay? I won't be long."
Renny nodded wordlessly. He pulled the covers over the curled up body
and kissed his cheek. And went into the bathroom.
"Mr Vecchio, before I go I'll take some blood samples for testing."
Springfield looked at him with a wary sympathy. "They'll establish
a baseline for later tests. You should both have another test after
six weeks and again at three and six months."
"Sure." He knew what Springfield was talking about. HIV
but after what they'd escaped, he wasn't really able to care very much.
Later that would change, but for now he welcomed the numbness. "I
know the drill. That all?" Maybe the examination had just been
an excuse to discuss this away from Renny.
But the doctor was busy pulling on a fresh pair of gloves. This time
Ray did sigh. "Let's make this quick, okay? I'm not hurt
bad." He dropped the sweat pants and leaned over the washbasin,
resignation uppermost in his mind.
The exam didn't take long and, as Ray had expected, there was no real
damage. At least none that was physical. Once the blood samples had
been taken Ray paid off the doctor in cash and closed the apartment door
behind him with a strong sense of relief.
Renny was half-asleep, his lashes drooping over reddened eyes. Ray guessed
he must be exhausted, not just from his injuries, but from the appalling
stress of the last day and a half. He perched gingerly on the edge of
the bed and Renny's lashes barely flickered. Springfield had given Renny
a sedative, and at last it seemed to be taking effect.
Ray sat watching him, feeling more helpless than he ever had since that
time he'd shot Benny. This was just as bad. After a moment he began
to stroke Renny's damp hair with the lightest of touches and the thin
lips curved into a faint smile. A smile that was almost identical to
the one Renny had worn that first day that Ray had really seen
him as a person and not just another red-coated Mountie.
He couldn't remember, now, why it had taken him so long. Maybe it was
just the way that Benny had always treated Renny like he wasn't even
there; unless he'd been forced, because of some klutzy mistake Renny
had made, to acknowledge the younger Mountie. Then one day it had struck
Ray that the expression on Renny's face must be very like the one he'd
worn for so long. A kind of hopeless longing for something he could
never have. Only Ray had eventually found that he could have
what he wanted more than anything in this world, and Renny knew he could
not.
Ray remembered that glance of understanding they'd shared, and the small,
sad smile that Renny had given him. Something had passed between them
that day that had sparked an interest in each other. It had taken a
while, but slowly they'd grown closer together until it was inevitable
that they should become lovers, even in the face of Benny's intense disapproval.
Maybe even, and Ray grinned at the thought, because of Benny's
disapproval.
Benny never had been able to see past the awkward exterior that Renny
presented to the world. An exterior that masked a wayward intelligence
and one of the kindest hearts that Ray had ever encountered. They would
never love each other with the kind of soul-deep intensity that he shared
with Benny, but his relationship with Renny was deeply satisfying in
so many ways that Ray could no longer imagine his life without either
of his lovers.
Renny stirred drowsily. "What are you smiling for, Ray?"
"I was thinking about
" Ray cupped his hand against Renny's
flushed cheek. "About us. About how loving you is one of the best
things I've ever done."
The blue eyes lit up and the smile brightened a little. "Everything
will be all right, won't it Ray?"
"Sure." Ray bent down to kiss his lover. "Of course
it will."
*
An igloo. They were sleeping in a fucking igloo. Even the Inuit they'd
met didn't do that any more. They lived in houses like normal people.
Only Fraser thought living in an igloo was a good idea. Ray listened
to the wind howling outside and shivered, in spite of the fact that it
was warm and musty inside, and he had a large warm body lying very close
to his under a pile of sleeping bags, blankets and a couple of furs.
Even Dief had abandoned the pile to lie a little closer to the entry.
His eyes glowed in the faint red wash from the remaining embers of the
fire.
A heavy arm slid across his back pulling him closer, and a drowsy sigh
sent a gust of hot air over his skin. Without speaking Ray turned into
the encircling arm and snuggled closer. Maybe living in an igloo had
compensations. They kissed slowly, tasting each other, exploring territory
long familiar but still enticing.
Between their bodies his cock stirred lazily, matching the stirring he
felt against his thigh. Ray rubbed his fingertips in slow circles around
Fraser's nipples, knowing that it drove his lover crazy. Sure enough,
the kisses deepened and Fraser began humping his thigh. He moaned softly
into Fraser's mouth.
They'd been alone together now, just the two of them
three if you
counted Dief, and you had to count Dief, he supposed
for
over five weeks. Twenty-four hours a day. And neither of them had gone
crazy and killed the other, or got into a screaming match and walked
off. Not that there was anywhere you could walk off to
well, maybe
Fraser could. But he hadn't. Some time towards the end of the second
week
the passing of the days was getting difficult to calculate
when it was dark nearly all the time, Ray had stopped expecting anything
bad to happen unless it was related to the weather.
Fraser loved him. Impossible as that seemed to him sometimes, it was
true. Sure it was obvious that he still loved Ray Vecchio, but Ray Vecchio
was in Florida and with any luck he'd stay there. And he, Ray
Kowalski, was here in the wilds of Canada, sleeping, or more accurately,
making out with Fraser. In an igloo. Vecchio could have Florida
He scooted down a bit and began to suck on Fraser's nipples. The humping
increased in tempo a little. He humped back. His fingers slid down
impossibly smooth skin to toy with the dense patch of hair surrounding
Fraser's cock. The only place he had any significant hair except for
his head. Ray massaged the firm pubic mound beneath the soft wiry curls
and grinned when Fraser's hips bucked against him. Who knew what would
turn this guy on?
Well, there was one thing that was always a winner. His fingers drifted
up the length of that hard Mountie cock and began to slide the foreskin
back. It moved easily across the wet cockhead, and he slid it forward
again, sending shivers through both of them. Fraser's movements stilled
and they began to kiss again, still in silence. Fraser was always quiet
when they made love, unlike him. He liked to yell.
Tiny tremors spread through both of them and Fraser began to thrust slowly
against his fingers. Ohhhh
God
. Ray pressed closer and
wrapped his hand around both their cocks. Fraser moaned quietly as they
moved in unison.
Fraser caressed Ray's cheek wetly with his tongue, then plunged it into
his ear. "Ray
"
"Ohhh, yeaaaahh
" he arched his back, increasing the pressure
on their cocks.
A large hand clasped his butt firmly and he reciprocated, placing both
hands on Fraser's deliciously firm, rounded cheeks. Their hips ground
together with increasing fervour and Ray rolled onto his back, pulling
Fraser over on top of him. Fraser rode him in hard, measured strokes,
never once losing control. Ray rocked his hips in time with him. The
pleasure built and built to a crescendo.
"Ohhh, fuck
" Ray threw his head back, feeling the first
inexorable contractions. "Oh fuck Frase
fuuuucckkk
"
his hips bucked wildly and his fingers dug into the hard muscle, "fuck,
fuck
fuuuckk!" he shot his load and collapsed, panting,
beneath the dead weight of his lover.
In the sudden silence Dief whined disgustedly and shifted his position.
"You're just jealous because yer not gettin' any." Ray threw
an amused, irritated glance towards the wolf, whose head was pointedly
averted. "You could always go sleep outside with the sled dogs.
Ya might even get lucky."
"Ray, please. There's no need to antagonise him. It's going to
be a long trip." Fraser still sounded a bit breathless.
"He started it."
Fraser sighed. "He just thinks you're
well, unnecessarily
noisy. Pay him no mind."
"I'll bet he never said that about Vecchio." Hell, where had
that come from? There was a hurt silence. "I'm sorry
forget
I ever said it, okay?"
"All right, Ray." Neutral tone. No clue as to what Fraser
was thinking, let alone feeling.
"Frase
" Ray planted a quick kiss on his lips as Fraser
moved away. He didn't go far, just settled down at his side as they'd
been before. "Look, I know you still love him. That's okay. I'm
okay with it." Most of the time
"I love you Ray. Don't you trust me yet?" Fraser's voice
was quiet. Definitely hurt, though whether it was over Vecchio, or him,
Ray didn't know.
"Yeah, I do, Frase. It's just sometimes
" he thought
about it for a moment, "
sometimes I just wonder whether you
love him better than me. Whether, if he wanted you back, you'd leave
me."
"Ray, Ray, Ray
" Fraser's voce was amused now. "Why
do you do this to yourself? I can't tell you if I love you more, or
Ray. It's like asking whether apples or bananas are better."
"I don't like bananas."
Fraser ignored him. "And if Ray wanted me back
why should
I chose one or the other of you? I would have thought it was obvious
from our
our other arrangements that choosing between you was unnecessary."
"Oh." He didn't know what to say to that. And he admitted
to himself, finally, that there was something between Fraser and Vecchio
that he would never have. Never could have, even though he'd
follow Fraser to the ends of the earth. Hell, he had followed
Fraser to the ends of the earth. He had, not Vecchio. Apples
and bananas. He grinned, reassured at last. "So
if it ever
happens, can I be the apple?"
*
It seemed strange to be back at the stationhouse again. Last time he'd
left Ray had thought he'd never be coming back, but he needed a job,
and there was only one job he really knew how to do. And, if he was
working as a cop again, he might get some news on what was happening
over Laurier. Sooner or later his connection with Laurier would come
out. Maybe this way he'd get a bit of warning, a chance to cover his
tracks. At least he could protect Renny better, he hoped. Ray took
a deep breath and knocked on the door of his boss' office.
Lt Welsh looked up from his current stack of files with a resigned expression
on his face that didn't quite conceal his pleasure. "So you're
back. You weren't in Florida very long."
"It was too hot." Ray shrugged casually. "Stella and
me, it didn't work out too good. So I thought I'd come back."
"No doubt you'll be looking for a job." He waved towards a
chair and watched as Ray sank into it rather stiffly. "It just
so happens there's an opening."
Ray grinned. "I thought there might be."
"We've had quite the outbreak of crime in the last few days."
Welsh tossed a folder over to his new recruit. "Strictly speaking
it's not our jurisdiction, but we've been asked to help out."
Ray flipped open the folder, watching Welsh warily, but the weathered
face gave nothing away. He glanced down at an eight by ten glossy of
John Laurier's shattered head, and slumped back in the chair fighting
nausea.
"It's seems that the gentleman in question, though bearing a remarkable
resemblance to a certain Mountie of our acquaintance, had strong connections
to the Canadian criminal fraternity. Perhaps you remember him? You
arrested him once." Welsh stared at him with a mildly encouraging
expression on his face.
"Yeah, I remember." Ray ran a hand over his face. "So,
what happened?"
"Read the report." But when Ray made no move to look at it
again, the lieutenant continued. "He was found dead in an apartment
belonging to a certain
shall we say, businessman of dubious reputation?
The only other prints found in the apartment, apart from the cleaning
staff, were on record as matching those of Armando Langoustini. Apparently
this gentleman knew Langoustini."
"That's right." He forced himself to meet Welsh's eyes. He
wondered if Welsh knew that his fingerprints had been placed in Langoustini's
file. "What are you gonna do?"
"I haven't decided yet. Let's just say I'm gathering evidence."
Welsh rubbed his chin. "I called the Consulate this morning. It
seems Constable Turnbull has been off work sick for several days. A
viral infection, I'm told."
"That's what they told me. He's been flat on his back for days."
"So he would have no connection to this incident?" Welsh lifted
his eyebrows questioningly.
Ray shrugged again. "Guess not."
"It's quite the coincidence that both Ray Vecchio and Armando Langoustini
should know this man. A man who looks so much like a close friend of
yours. And that Ray Vecchio should suddenly turn up in Chicago two days
after his death. Especially since Armando Langoustini is now the prime
suspect in the murder."
"Coincidences happen, Lou. Like Laurier looking like Turnbull.
Just coincidence. They've got nothing to do with each other."
Ray kept his voice level, disinterested. He'd never thought he'd be
grateful for Langoustini's legendary control, but he was now.
Welsh leaned across the desk, holding his hand out for the file and Ray
passed it to him. "Ray, I can't help you or Turnbull if you won't
trust me."
"I told you. It's got nothing to do with him." Ray thought
fast. If he could just keep Renny out of it
"Look
Laurier
and Langoustini, they were kinda friendly, okay? So it figures that
after Langoustini disappears in Chicago that Laurier would come here
and start hunting around. So maybe he poked his nose into something
he shouldn't have."
"And?" Welsh looked at him sceptically.
"How should I know? I wasn't here." He'd made damn sure he'd
laid a false trail for his return to Chicago. Everything pointed to
him arriving the day after Laurier had died, so he put every ounce
of sincerity he possessed into his voice. "Hell, for all I know
the Feds might have got rid of him because he found out too much about
their operation."
"Don't play me for a fool, Ray." Welsh ignored Ray's mild
protestation of innocence. "If you tell me what happened, I'll
do everything I can to help you."
He obviously wasn't going to let go, and the more Welsh probed the more
likely it was that Renny would be dragged into this. There was only
one thing Ray could do now
"I killed him." Ray held his arms out, wrists together. "You
gonna arrest me?"
His heart was pounding frantically. If he went down for this, Renny
would be on his own. He'd sent off a message to Fraser and Kowalski
yesterday, but even if Frobisher was right about the route they were
taking, it could be days, or even weeks before they got it. Still, if
this was the only way he could keep Renny out of it, then he'd take it.
And then pull in every favour the Feds owed him to get out alive.
Welsh sighed wearily. "It might come to that, but not if I can
avoid it. Talk to me Ray."
All the fight drained out of him suddenly. Ray dropped his head into
his hands. "I knew he was going to come after me. That's why I
got out of here." He looked up again at Welsh's impassive face.
"I didn't want to kill him. I came back because
just because.
I found out where he was staying and I went to see him. He went crazy.
Hit me over the head with his gun, tied me up. He was gonna kill me.
I managed to get free, but he came back. So I shot him."
"Before or after you had sex with him?" Welsh cocked his head.
"It was you, wasn't it?"
It ought to bother him that Welsh knew that, but it didn't. Ray shrugged
listlessly. "I thought it would keep him happy. I was wrong."
"And Constable Turnbull was not in any way involved
I ask
because it seems just a tad unlikely that a man who was both taller and
heavier than you would obligingly lie face down on a bed to allow you
to shoot him from behind." Welsh's voice was deceptively mild.
"I already told you." The words came out too fast, too angry.
He leaned back into the chair and forced himself to relax. "There
was nobody else."
Welsh's eyes dropped. "I see. So you're claiming it was self defence?"
"I guess." As long as Welsh was willing to keep Renny out
of it, Ray decided, he'd confess to anything.
The lieutenant considered that for a moment. "The gun?"
Ray shrugged. "It was Laurier's. Anyway, I threw it off the end
of Navy Pier."
"No doubt if the Feds were to hear about this, they'd be all over
this stationhouse, wanting to suppress the evidence." Welsh flipped
a couple of pages over then closed the folder. "I hate that. Disrupts
the whole Precinct."
It took a moment for what Welsh had said to sink in. Ray looked up.
"You're not gonna arrest me?"
"That's up to you. Since you have first hand experience with the
Mob, I'm giving you the case." Welsh tossed the file onto the desk.
"Welcome back, Ray."
Ray could only stare at him open-mouthed.
*
Ray hadn't wanted him to come to work, but Renny had insisted; after
all he hadn't really had any option after taking most of last week off.
In two more days they'd be moving into the new Consulate on the twenty-fourth
floor of a high-rise office building in the Downtown area and it was
impossible for him to take any more time off work. Besides, Ray was
starting work at the Twenty-Seventh Precinct today and he didn't want
to stay in the apartment alone. Ray had driven him to the Consulate
and had promised to pick him up if he could, and if not, he would take
a cab home.
He'd thought he could manage all right, but within half an hour he was
standing at attention before Inspector Thatcher being thoroughly reprimanded.
She stopped in mid-tirade. "Are you all right?"
"Yes, Sir." Renny tried to draw himself up even straighter.
As she continued to stare at him, he realised that there was in fact
something wrong. He hastily wiped the moisture from his cheeks. "Sorry,
Sir."
A small crease appeared between her brows. "Would you like to go
home, Constable? Perhaps you need more time to recover from that virus."
"No Sir!" He pulled himself up short with an effort. "That
is, I
I'd rather stay, Sir."
"I see." Thatcher inspected him from head to toe and Renny
fought to remain suitably impassive. Just like he'd seen Fraser do under
similar circumstances. "Well, you could stand guard for an hour.
There's some filing that needs to be done." She looked at him doubtfully.
"And
"
"The upstairs rooms are really quite disgraceful, Sir. I don't
think those cleaners
"
"Yes, very well Constable. See to it." Thatcher interrupted
him, impatience suddenly getting the better of her concern. "Dismissed.
And, er
tidy yourself up."
"Thank you, Sir." He hurried off to the bathroom to wash his
face, trying to hide his relief. The filing would keep him occupied,
and while he stood guard, he would be able to use the techniques he'd
been taught to keep his mind away from unsuitable reflections. He could
do those things; it was just that dealing with people was too difficult
for him right now. He would do his duty. In spite of Constable Fraser
and Inspector Thatcher's low opinions of him, he was a Mountie after
all. He'd been through the same training they'd had, and had graduated
just as they had. He would be able to get through the day; and one day
at a time was all he could hope to deal with at the moment. He just
hoped that Ray would be able to finish work on time. The thought of
being alone in the apartment was terrifying.
*
The face in the mirror stared back at him impassively. The same face
that he'd lived with all his life, except that he no longer thought of
it as his own. He reached out to trace the line of the moustache and
goatee beard on the cool glass. They were invisible, now, but etched
on his memory. Perhaps he should grow it back
but Ray insisted
on shaving him now. Ray had hidden his razor and used an electric razor,
which didn't shave as close.
Ray worried about him, but really, he didn't need to. He was able to
look after himself, he was able to carry out his duties perfectly well
at work, most of the time, and even cook dinner for Ray in the evenings.
Ray didn't like it when he looked in the mirror this way. He'd tried
to stop, if only to please Ray, but he just couldn't. The man in the
mirror kept calling to him.
The eyes in the mirror bored into him and the thin lips parted. There
was no sound, but he didn't need to hear the words, or to lip read, as
Fraser did. He knew what the man in the mirror was saying. The face
became distorted, angry; the eyes blazed with hostility. Without warning
the top of his head exploded in a red splatter of blood and brain tissue.
For a moment the angry mouth continued to move, then what remained of
the face shattered into a dozen fragments and disappeared.
*
It was quiet in the apartment when Ray opened the door, too quiet. Every
time he wasn't able to pick Renny up from the Consulate it was the same;
his stomach would tie itself up in knots at the thought of what Renny
might do. Probably he'd just find him standing in front of the one remaining
mirror, in the bathroom. Ray had removed all the others days ago, frightened
by the intensity of Renny's obsession with his own reflection.
He went straight to the bathroom, but it was empty, and the mirror was
in pieces on the floor. His heart began a rapid thumping and his mouth
went dry. "Renny? Where are ya?"
There was no answer and he set out on a frantic search of the apartment.
Renny wasn't anywhere. Finally he went back to the bathroom hoping to
find some kind of clue. This time he actually went into the room, and
there was his lover in the corner, sitting on the floor, head bowed over
his bloody hands.
"Renny." Ray went over and crouched in front of him. He
touched the flat plane of Renny's cheek, raising his head. The blankness
in those blue eyes was more disturbing even than the blood. "Come
on, love, let's get this cleaned up."
He made no attempt to resist as Ray got him on his feet and led him into
the kitchen. Even a cursory examination was enough to convince Ray that
the wounds would need to be stitched. He wrapped a clean kitchen towel
around the injured hand and went to call Dr Springfield.
*
The bedroom was silent, even though Ray knew Renny was awake. The situation
was getting out of control and he was beginning to wonder if Fraser and
Kowalski had got his message, or whether they'd missed it and he was
on his own. The thought was becoming increasingly frightening. He wasn't
able to be with Renny every moment of the day, and what he'd found when
he came home tonight indicated that he could no longer be sure that Renny
would not try to injure himself.
He looked across at Renny's head, lying on the pillow on the far side
of the bed. Usually they slept in different rooms now, but tonight he'd
needed to stay close and Renny hadn't objected. They'd never talked
about Laurier's death, and Ray had hoped that when Renny was ready, he'd
bring it up himself. Now it was obvious that he was going to
have to do it, and since that was the case, he might as well start now.
He for sure wasn't going to get any sleep tonight.
"Hey, Renny, you awake?" Ray touched the broad shoulder gently.
A quiet sigh and Renny rolled onto his side to face him. "Yes,
Ray."
"Come here." Ray gathered him into a loose embrace and Renny's
head settled on his shoulder, his favourite position. That, at least,
was encouraging. Ray ran his fingers over the short hair. "You
wanna talk about it?"
Silence.
"Look, I know
" Ray hesitated. "I mean, it's weird
scary
to know somebody else has your face. Someone who's so unlike
you that
" he stopped as the man in his arms tried to pull
free. The last thing he wanted to do was forcibly restrain him, but he
didn't dare let Renny escape either.
"You don't know, Ray. Armando wasn't your brother."
Renny sounded close to tears already.
Ray turned to lie facing him. His fingers stroked the damp cheek tenderly.
"We don't know Laurier was your brother. I just said that to stop
him, okay?"
Hot liquid spilled onto his fingers. "Ray
I know
"
Renny's voice broke and he swallowed audibly. "All my life I've
I've felt things, and I never knew why."
"But
" Ray fell silent when Renny's fingers touched his
lips.
"I felt him die, Ray. I felt it."
He remembered those screams. At the time he'd simply thought they were
the result of pain and fear that had been suppressed for too long. Dear
God
His arms tightened suddenly. Too tight
Renny protested
wordlessly and he eased off. "Oh, baby
" he covered the
wet face with gentle kisses and stroked his fingers up and down the long
back as it shook with sobs.
"Why, Ray? Why did he hate me so much?" The words were choked
out between sobs. "I don't understand
"
"Shh
" Ray tightened his hold again, more carefully this
time, and Renny accepted it. Of course he wouldn't understand; it wasn't
in his nature to hate, or even hold a grudge. "Lissen
are
you sure you want to hear it? It's not
not very nice, Renny."
Renny's face turned up to his. There was just enough light for Ray to
see the tear tracks on his cheeks and the bright gleam of his eyes.
"Please."
"Okay." He kissed the parted lips gently. "He
Laurier
right from the start he was pretty crazy. Maybe not in
the usual way, but it was like he didn't care about anything much except
getting what he wanted. Armando was like that too. Maybe that's what
they saw in each other. It was always a struggle with him, to hold him
back. And after a while, I couldn't. Armando couldn't.
"And pain, other people's pain, turned him on." Ray thought
about it for a minute. "He was arrogant. The only one who mattered
was him. It fascinated him to know that Armando looked so much like
Ray Vecchio. I used to get him to talk about it sometimes, just to remind
myself that Ray Vecchio ever existed." Looking back, now, he thought
he must have been mad
"I think he was
I dunno
disgusted by it a bit, and turned on by it too. He asked me once if
I wanted to kill Vecchio. Scared the Hell out of me, 'cause I thought
he was offering to do it for me."
Renny was watching his face, and God only knew what he saw there. Ray
forced himself to continue. "What I think
I don't know, but
I think it would have driven him crazy to know that he wasn't unique.
That there was someone else who looked so much like him his own mother
wouldn't have known the difference. He had to be the only one."
"He wouldn't let me look at him. Or speak." Renny shivered.
"He said he'd kill me if he saw my face."
Ray's stomach lurched sickeningly. Laurier in control and an ally had
been frightening enough. Laurier, half crazy and an enemy, was something
he didn't want to think about. And Laurier had had Renny for more than
a day and a half.
"It's over now. You've gotta go on." Yeah, right. Like he
had. He was barely back on his feet after being Armando, so how the
Hell was he supposed to help Renny through something like this? "You
gotta talk to me when things get bad, Renny. When it gets too much for
you, okay? And I'll try to
to make it easier for you. We've only
got each other, so we gotta stick together, right?
"All right, Ray." Renny settled into his arms and wrapped
his long arm around Ray's waist. "I wonder what they're doing now?"
"Ah who knows
jumping off cliffs probably. I sure hope Kowalski
knew what he was letting himself in for." He tightened his arm
in a brief hug and got a sleepy giggle in reply.
Maybe they could do it. Maybe.
*
Ray rummaged in the back of the shelf, sure that there must be something
better than dried caribou to take with them. This was his last chance.
When they left here there weren't going to be any more stores, just lots
and lots of snow and ice.
"Ray."
He ignored Fraser's call. There had to be something
"Ray. Ray. Ray."
He sighed. Sounded like Fraser was serious about whatever it was
He abandoned the search and headed over to the counter. Fraser was reading
a note, and when he looked up Ray knew it was something bad by the way
he was rubbing his left eyebrow.
"Frase, what's up?" He put his hand on Fraser's shoulder.
"A message from
from Ray
" Fraser held out the paper
for him to read.
There wasn't much on it, just that they should return to Chicago, ASAP.
And that Renny needed their help. No reason to make the blood drain
from his face and a sick feeling settle in his stomach. He watched numbly
while Fraser arranged for the sled dogs to be taken care of and the sled
put into storage. There was a light aircraft that could take them to
the next town, two hundred kilometres away. From there they should be
able to get another flight to Whitehorse. It would cut well over a week
off their journey, and the message had been waiting for six days already.
*
A crash of gunfire woke him with a start and Ray flung himself to the
floor before he realised that it was coming from the television. He
swore under his breath and reached for the remote. After a short break
to allow his heartbeat to return to something like normal, Ray dragged
himself back onto the couch and yawned. It wasn't even that late, just
after ten p.m., but Renny had gone to bed an hour ago.
He was in danger of falling asleep again when a soft knock came on the
door. Ray struggled to his feet and ambled over. He opened the door
and froze.
"Hello Ray." Fraser gave him a hesitant smile. "You're
looking well."
It felt like he was back in that damned hotel room and for a horrible
moment he thought it had all been a dream and he'd have to go through
the nightmare of the last few weeks all over again. When he didn't answer
or move Fraser's smile faded.
Behind Fraser, Kowalski shifted restlessly. "You gonna let us in?"
Instead of moving back out of the way, he stepped forward, since that
was the only direction his body would let him go. Into Benny's arms.
They closed around him and for the first time in over a year Ray felt
he was truly himself again. Their lips clung for long moments then reluctantly
parted.
Ray stepped back. "I guess you'd better come in."
A smile lurked in Fraser's eyes, but he lifted his small backpack and
walked past Ray, followed by Kowalski, also carrying a pack. He followed
them into the lounge. "Where's Dief?"
"He's in quarantine overnight." Fraser sank down onto the
couch while Kowalski took an armchair. They were both watching him.
"Ray, your message
"
Ray sat beside Fraser, keeping a small, discreet distance. "I know
just give me a minute, okay?"
The two of them exchanged a glance. It was obvious that they'd agreed
that Fraser would do all the talking. In the short time Ray had known
Kowalski, he hadn't noticed that patience was a major part of his character.
He pressed his hands to his face for a moment. "Benny, you remember
Laurier?"
It was a rhetorical question; Benny never forgot anything. But he watched
as the blue eyes widened.
"I don't know him. How about you fill me in?" Kowalski
leaned forward.
"Well, Ray, Laurier is a member of the Canadian Mob. Ray and I
arrested him over two years ago." Fraser cast a worried glance
at Ray. "But I suspect that the most significant attribute of Mr
Laurier is that he bears a quite remarkable resemblance to Turnbull."
"He used to Benny. He's dead." Saying the words was enough
to make the sick feeling return, and Ray stood up and stretched. "You
want anything to drink? Coffee? Tea, Benny?" Anything to postpone
the rest of it.
Fraser followed him into the kitchen. "Ray, what happened? Is
Turnbull here?"
"Yeah, he's sleeping." Ray set the electric jug to heat.
"How about you fill Kowalski in while I get the drinks ready?"
He took his time over it, not wanting to hear what Benny had to tell
Kowalski. When he went out with the mugs, they were sitting in silence.
"How about you tell us what's going on, Vecchio?" Kowalski
was practically vibrating with energy. "We come all the way back
from the North Pole 'cause of your message and you just wanna talk about
some dead guy?"
"Ray!"
Ray over-rode Fraser's protest. "Can it Kowalski." He took
a sip of his coffee. "Laurier knew Armando Langoustini."
Kowalski sniggered. "In the biblical sense?"
"Yeah." Ray saw with satisfaction that the grin had disappeared
off Kowalski's face. On his other side, Fraser was absolutely still.
"So when Armando Langoustini disappeared, it was on the cards that
Laurier would wanna find out what happened."
"That's why you wanted us to stay away?" Fraser looked at
him searchingly. "Why you went to Florida?"
"Except Renny came back. Why the Hell didn't you tell us?"
Kowalski threw himself to his feet. "What's happened to him?"
"Keep your voice down, dammit. I told ya. He's sleeping."
Ray swallowed a burning mouthful of coffee, waiting until Kowalski dropped
back into the chair before continuing. "It doesn't matter why.
What matters is, when Laurier got to Chicago he started asking questions,
and he found Renny." His voice gave him away. Fraser's hand clasped
his arm gently but Ray ignored him. "Laurier was
he wasn't
exactly sane."
"A psychopath." Fraser supplied the information quietly.
"Whatever. He got hold of Renny, but he couldn't stand the fact
that they had the same face. It drove him over the edge." He knew,
now, some of the things Laurier had done in those forty or so hours.
He wasn't about to tell the two of them all of it. But some things were,
inevitably, going to come out. "Laurier beat Renny, with his belt;
and he raped him. I don't know how many times."
"Go on." Kowalski's voice, hard edged.
"I'd heard Renny was back here, so I came back too. I was too late
to prevent Laurier getting hold of him, but at least I knew where to
start looking. Didn't take me long to find him." Ray paused, remembering
the sight of his lover stretched out on that bed. Remembering the stink
of cordite and blood, and the sound of Renny's screams. "I killed
Laurier."
They were both staring at him in silence. Fraser cleared his throat.
"It was self defence, Ray."
He smiled at Fraser's faith in him. "It doesn't matter. I can't
prove it. I shot him in the back of the head, while he was
"
at last his voice gave way and he fell silent.
A familiar pair of arms came around his shoulders and he leaned in against
Fraser's chest, and shook. Gentle fingers stroked over the back of his
head, as he'd done for Renny night after night. Somehow it gave him
the courage to go on. If Renny could do it, so could he.
"He was raping Renny when I shot him. I had to pull him off."
His voice was thick with emotion and he swallowed, trying to get control
of it. "He'd raped me too. He was losing it badly. After he'd
finished with Renny, I'm pretty sure he was gonna kill us both."
The couch moved slightly as Kowalski's weight came down on his other
side. A hand touched his shoulder lightly. "You did the right
thing."
"I had to keep Renny out of it. He wasn't in any state to talk
about it. He still isn't. Not to strangers
police." He
pulled away from Fraser. "Laurier was his brother. His twin brother.
I haven't tried to find out for sure, but he knew. He said he felt Laurier
die."
"You believe him." Fraser searched his face.
Ray shrugged, still fighting for control. "I saw what happened
when Laurier died. And how Renny was afterwards. He's better now, a
bit. I was really scared for a while."
"He's gonna be okay, though, isn't he?" Kowalski's voice was
anxious.
"He'll be better now you're both here." Ray turned to Kowalski.
"He's gonna need all of us."
"We'll help you both, Ray." Fraser's voice was quietly determined.
"Are you all right?"
The gentle inquiry nearly set him off again. "Yeah. It wasn't
so different from what he was like in bed
except
"
"Except it was rape." Kowalski finished it for him.
"Yeah." He would have said more, but a sound from the bedroom
had him on his feet. "I gotta go see to him. Hang on."
Renny was still sleeping, but the covers were scattered, and his broad
chest heaved with each breath. Ray touched his arm lightly and waited
for him either to settle into deeper sleep, or wake. After a moment
the blue eyes opened.
"I'm sorry, Ray." Renny trembled slightly under his hand.
"Hey, it's okay. I got a surprise for you." He slid his hand
down to take Renny's in a gentle grasp. "Fraser and Kowalski are
back. You wanna see them?"
His whole face lit up and he nodded emphatically. "Oh, yes, Ray."
"Hey guys, you wanna come in? Say hello?" Ray pitched his
voice loud enough to carry to the lounge.
A moment later a pair of shadows across the bed heralded their arrival.
They came in, Fraser moving to sit on the edge of the bed behind Ray,
and Kowalski to sit on the other side. Renny looked from one to the
other with a hint of uncertainty now showing on his face.
"Hey, Renny. How you doin' buddy?" The gentleness in Kowalski's
voice surprised Ray.
"Ray
" Renny's face twisted and he pushed himself up and
into the other man's arms. Kowalski caught him and held on, his head
bowed over Renny's.
Ray hadn't expected this kind of reaction from either of them, but he
shifted, obedient to the pressure of Fraser's hand on his shoulder and
they left the room together.
*
When they reached the lounge, Ray went to stand by the window, lifting
aside the curtain just a fraction to look out into the night. After
a moment's painful uncertainty Ben went over to stand behind him. "Ray..."
It was intended as more a warning of his presence than anything else.
Ben took one last step, touched the slender shoulder lightly and felt
Ray flinch. They stood without moving for a while, then Ben gently kissed
the back of Ray's long, elegant neck. When Ray didn't pull away or speak,
Ben moved closer still sliding his hands down Ray's arms until he held
his lover in a loose embrace.
Words never came easily to him, not when it came to this kind of situation.
He could spin Inuit stories for hours on end, or pontificate on facts
and figures forever, but when it came to matters closest to his heart
he was always struck dumb. Eventually he sighed, knowing that Ray understood
this about him, hoping that somehow he could communicate his love without
words. His lips brushed once again across the nape of Ray's neck, and
he nuzzled the soft bristles of Ray's hair.
At last Ray relaxed against him for a moment before turning in his arms.
They kissed, slow and tentative, and then Ray leaned heavily against
him, his head resting against Ben's shoulder.
"I feel like I've finally come home." Ray's voice was almost
inaudible and he sounded unutterably weary.
Ben knew he wasn't referring to Chicago or this apartment and his throat
tightened. "You have, love."
A tremor ran through the slender figure in his arms and he realised with
a shock that Ray was crying quietly. It shook him to the core; he hadn't
seen Ray cry since Irene died. As much as Ray liked to complain about
Ben's reticence, when it came to pain, emotional pain, he was
well
not stoic perhaps, but certainly no more inclined to display that pain
openly than Ben was himself.
"Benny, there's more. Something I didn't tell you." Ray avoided
meeting his eyes. "Laurier
he didn't use condoms when he
raped us. We've had the blood tests, but
"
"It's all right." Ben struggled to keep the shock out of his
voice. "Ray, whatever happens, we're going to be together. All
of us."
"Yeah. We'll have to be careful, Benny. More than we were before."
Ray sighed listlessly. "Renny doesn't talk much about it. I don't
think it's really sunk in. He's too messed up with all the other stuff."
He pulled Ray closer and held him tightly, but after a moment Ray straightened,
wiping at his eyes rather ineffectually. Ben raised his hand to smooth
away a stray teardrop and then kissed him. This time Ray's lips parted
easily and the kiss deepened, becoming a true homecoming. He rubbed
his hands slowly up and down the long back as Ray began to relax against
him.
"Oh
uh
" They both tensed at the unexpected sound
of Kowalski's voice.
"Ray." Ben smiled at his other lover. "It's all right."
He hesitated, unwilling to move away from Ray but wanting to reassure
Kowalski.
"Sure. I'll just
uh, maybe I'll take a shower." Kowalski
smiled nervously.
Ray fidgeted. "How's Renny?"
"He's okay. Sleeping." The thin shoulders lifted in a shrug.
"Guess I'll take that shower now."
"All right, Ray." Ben smiled once again. "Don't feel
you have to wait up for us. We'll probably talk for a while."
"Sure. Whatever." Kowalski turned away.
Ray was very still in his arms. "He doesn't sound too happy, Benny.
Is he gonna be okay with this?"
"I believe he's a little nervous, Ray. He'll soon adjust, I'm sure."
Ben hesitated, recalling a few conversations and the way the two men
had behaved towards each other in the past. "Of course it would
help if
"
"
if I don't give him a hard time." Ray grinned. "I'll
be good. It ain't gonna do Renny any good either, if the two of us are
fighting over you. They seem kinda friendly." He looked inquiringly
at Ben.
"Turnbull's in love with Ray." Ben smiled a little. "And
Ray's very fond of him."
They both grinned. Turnbull was a hopeless romantic, as Ben had discovered,
to his own embarrassment and confusion, when he'd first arrived at the
consulate. More often than not the object of his passion was completely
unaware of it; only occasionally did the big Canadian have the chance
to act on his emotions, and, if he didn't, they soon faded. On rare
occasions something more came of it. As it had with Ray. Now it seemed
Kowalski was likely to be the next to fall under Turnbull's spell.
"Just like him to want both my lovers." Ray dropped
into the couch and rubbed the back of his neck. Ben, still standing,
looked down at him uncertainly. "I was joking, Benny."
"I know. I was just
" he rubbed his eyebrow rather wearily.
"Ray do you still want me?"
"I thought I'd made that pretty clear tonight. What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Ben sat beside him at last. "I wasn't sure
how you were feeling, that's all."
"You really wanna know?" Ray didn't wait for an answer. "Let
me show you."
For long minutes Ben was lost in the scent and taste and feel of him,
and even when they parted, it was no more than a fraction of an inch
between their lips while they took a couple of deep breaths before kissing
again. Somewhere in that time Ben's arms went around him. It was the
place where they both belonged, breathing with one breath; their hearts
beating in the same rhythm.
"Oh God
" Ray leaned in, his cheek slightly rough against
Ben's. "God, Benny
" his whole body began to shake uncontrollably.
Ben tightened his arms around him. "Hush, I have you Ray. You're
safe now." He ducked his head a little and they kissed again, briefly.
They shifted slightly as Ben leaned back into the couch, drawing Ray
with him. Ray leaned against his shoulder and gave up all control to
his lover as Ben's hands gently touched him, stroking his back, his cheek,
his arms. He caught hold of one square hand and twined his fingers with
Ben's.
"I'm okay, you know. It's just
too much, too quickly. I
need time, that's all." He shifted his head to look up into Ben's
face. "God, I love you
"
This time, when they kissed, it was different. Needier, for both of
them. Hungrier. Ben pulled away first. "Ray, I'm sorry. I shouldn't
"
Ray kissed him again. "It's okay. I want this too. Just go slow,
all right?"
"All right." A tiny smile flickered around Ben's mouth. It
was going to be all right. Ray wanted him, needed him as much as he
ever had. Everything else might have changed between them, but not that
one crucial thing. "Let me love you, Ray."
"It's what I'm waiting for, Benny." Ray grinned wickedly,
but Ben saw the uncertainty lurking behind that grin and hesitated.
So in the end, it was Ray who reached for him, pulling at Ben's shirt
and undershirt until he had enough space to slide his hands underneath
to touch bare skin.
Strange how the touch of one man could be so different from another's.
He would have known the difference even had he been blindfolded. And
as much as he loved Ray Kowalski, loved making love with him, his body
was starved for the touch of his other lover. Neither of them could
ever replace the other
if he'd ever had any doubts about that,
he didn't any longer.
It was difficult to rein in his eagerness, but for Ray's sake he needed
to do it. Ray's hands slid over his back with a slow neediness that
set Ben's nerve endings on fire, but he was very aware of how much had
happened since they'd last made love, over a year ago now. He took his
time unbuttoning Ray's shirt, gently easing it off his shoulders so he
could kiss the warm smoothness beneath. His fingers teased the soft
springy hairs that peeked over the top of Ray's undershirt and Ray laughed
breathlessly.
"Oh, Benny
. God, I've missed you." Ray stirred beside
him, making an effort to remove Ben's shirt altogether.
Ben paused to assist. "And I you, Ray." He helped Ray peel
off his undershirt, then dragged his own off over his head, blessing
the fact that he wasn't wearing his longjohns. "I'm so glad you've
come back to me." It sounded almost painfully lame, but Ray just
smiled up at him, no doubt remembering how poor he was at expressing
his emotions.
They settled back into the soft embrace of the couch, with Ray leaning
against Ben's shoulder and for a while they simply enjoyed the pleasure
of being together and the caress of skin against skin. Ray sighed and
lifted his long fingers to stroke Ben's chest. Memories of nights spent
here, in this apartment, doing much the same thing came back to Ben and
he kissed Ray's temple lightly.
"Hey, Benny
" Ray hesitated, his green eyes searching
Ben's face, then he reached up to draw Ben's head down to kiss him.
This time Ben was able to hold back his eagerness, and they kissed slowly,
easily. Nothing else seemed to matter now. When the time felt right,
Ben turned Ray in his arms and pressed his mouth to the base of his throat.
He felt a sigh thrum softly against his lips and smiled. Ray's hands
moved lazily over his back, his arms, his chest; Ray's body was relaxed
in complete acceptance against his. What more could he ask for?
They continued the cautious advance, gradually relearning the intimate
landscapes of each other's bodies. Nothing had changed. Everything
had changed. Awash with confusion, it was easy for Ben to keep things
slow, but eventually the simple touching and kissing became less than
completely satisfying. They were both breathing faster, but Ray seemed
comfortable with their progress. Ben lowered his head over one dusky
nipple and gently placed his lips against it.
The chest beneath his head rose sharply with Ray's gasp, but long fingers
immediately came up to hold his head in place, sliding sensuously through
his hair. Ben sucked at the sensitive tip, drawing it to a tiny, hard
peak and Ray moaned, then laughed huskily. Good. Ben's fingers came
up to play with the other nipple and silence descended for a while.
But Ben was becoming uncomfortably aware of his own increasing arousal,
and when Ray began to stir restlessly it was easy to move a little, just
enough to feel Ray's growing erection against his thigh. Ray grinned
at him, flushed and just a little nervous-looking as Ben slipped to the
floor and knelt between his long legs.
The tremor in his hands was only a minor hindrance as Ben managed to
fumble the button at the waist of Ray's pants open and draw the zipper
down. Then the button of his shorts. He peeled back the double layer
of cloth nervously, watching Ray's face all the time. Then his gaze
dropped to include the swollen darkness of Ray's cock. He stroked the
length of it with the backs of his fingers and it lifted into his touch.
Another flickering glance at Ray reassured him and Ben bent over to kiss
the velvet smoothness of the tip. Ray's scent, familiar, rich and earthy,
enveloped him in sensuous memories and he paused for a moment to savour
them, then lifted Ray's cock to take it into his mouth. His lips slid
down to the wiry curls at the base in a smooth glide, dragging a sound
somewhere between a laugh and a moan from Ray's lips. They had done
this a thousand times and memories came flooding back, of lovemaking
sweet and sensuous, passionate, relaxed and companionable. All these
and more, far more.
Ray's body undulated beneath him, thrusting gently into his mouth. Ben
ran his hands lightly over Ray's belly relearning all the planes and
angles of his lover's body.
"God
Benny
" Ray's fingers clasped his head lovingly,
guiding his movements then drew him free and pulled him up until they
were face to face. Only this time, Ben was lying sprawled across Ray,
balancing his weight on his elbows, placed either side of Ray's body.
They kissed again, while Ray unzipped his jeans and pushed his boxers
down. Ben smiled. "Like this?" He moved his hips slowly,
enjoying the friction of their cocks rubbing against each other.
"Oh, yeah
" Ray's back arched and his hips thrust up.
It was perfect; the sensations a delight, the feeling of closeness exactly
what they both needed without placing too much of a demand on Ray's faith
in him. Ray sought his mouth and they remained locked together as the
pleasure mounted. Their hands moved continuously, touching lightly everywhere,
never lingering too long, simply trying to cover as much ground as possible.
And then it changed. Ray's hips thrust up urgently and he wrapped his
arms and legs around Ben, holding on desperately to him. His hands slid
down Ben's body, urging him on as his breath came in short gasps. Ben
was helpless to resist Ray's need; he twisted in Ray's grasp and tightened
his grip on the couch cushions, trying to stabilise himself. He matched
the rhythm of Ray's thrusts. It felt like they were melding seamlessly
into a single organism, questing for a single goal.
At the last they found it together. Ray's arms tightened painfully and
a choked cry came from one of them, though Ben wasn't sure which. Wet
heat spread between them, draining all the fire out of his body, leaving
him limp with exhaustion.
Ray's breath scorched his temple. Ray's arms cradled him, one arm curled
across his hip, the hand cupping his buttock. The other was wrapped
tightly around his shoulders. Ben kissed the pulse beating in Ray's
throat and licked away a trickle of sweat. He could have lain like this
all night, except that his weight would eventually become a discomfort
for Ray. When he thought he had the energy Ben rolled away a little,
pulling Ray around with him so they lay along the couch on their sides,
facing one another.
Green eyes blinked sleepily, mere centimetres away from his. Ray's full
lips curved into a satisfied smile. "Stay with me a while."
Ben drew him closer. "Always."
*
It felt strange to lie alone in the big bed. Sure he'd slept in it before,
but never alone. Before, there'd always been Renny and Fraser there,
and Ray just couldn't get off to sleep alone. Got out of the habit months
ago, after he and Fraser became lovers. He sighed, rubbed his eyes and
looked over at the alarm clock. The digital display told him it was
after two in the morning and they were still in the lounge.
He hadn't heard a sound in a long time. Long enough for him to wonder
what the Hell they were doing. And then, finally, there was a
sound, just a quiet murmur of voices, not loud enough to wake somebody
who was already asleep. A shadow flickered across the wall. The hall
light had been left on, probably for Renny's sake, but only the far corner
of the room was lit by it.
Ray closed his eyes hurriedly as Fraser and Vecchio came in, but not
before he saw they were both naked. Well, he hadn't had any doubts about
one thing that they'd probably be doing
When Fraser slid
into the bed, he could even smell the sex. He concentrated on breathing
slowly, like he was asleep.
They settled into the bed with Fraser beside him, Vecchio on the far
side. The rustle of bedding settling around them stopped and all Ray
could hear was the sound of breathing. Maybe now he could sleep.
He thought he did for a while, but all too soon he was awake again.
Then he realised what had woken him. The quiet rustling of the sheets,
the moist, muted sound of stolen kisses. He turned his head, squinting
through half open eyes but couldn't see much past Fraser's broad shoulders.
Still there was no doubt about what was happening
almost on cue,
he heard a sigh, a muffled whimper, and the silken murmur of a hand caressing
skin.
This was just too weird. He'd known from the moment they'd turned back
towards Chicago that something like this was going to happen, and he'd
thought he could handle it, but he'd never expected to lie next to the
two of them while they made love. Even less had he expected to be so
turned on by it. Ray had no intention of joining in, though. What was
happening next to him was too quiet, too intense; not at all like the
uninhibited lovemaking he'd shared with Fraser and even Renny. Something
told him he couldn't be a part of it; didn't want to be a part of it.
He could hear them speak, their voices pitched so low that, even from
a distance of a few inches, he couldn't make out the words. More kisses,
and then Vecchio rolled onto his back pulling Fraser on top of him.
Ray clenched his eyes shut and tried to will his rebellious cock into
submission. But after a moment he opened his eyes again. He felt like
a voyeur, but still he couldn't help himself.
Fraser was kissing Vecchio slowly. Not on his mouth, but covering the
face he held between his hands; and Vecchio
Ray saw the glint of
tears streaming from under his dark lashes, sliding down the side of
his face. Saw Fraser lean over to lick them away. Vecchio gasped then,
and brought his hands up to cradle Fraser's head. Ray swallowed uncomfortably,
unable to ignore what was happening, unwilling to let them know they
were being watched.
"Ray." Fraser's voice was barely audible. "Are you sure
you want this?"
For a second Ray thought Fraser was talking to him, then Vecchio nodded,
and he realised his mistake. Fraser reached over to the bedside table
and Ray heard the sound of the drawer being pulled out. He knew what
was in that drawer, and why Fraser had reached for it. It only took
a few moments and then Fraser was poised above Vecchio's body at that
unmistakable angle
this time Ray did look away.
Another gasp came, ragged and low. "Oh God, Benny
"
"It's all right
just tell me
" Fraser's voice was
shaking. "Ray?"
But there was only silence except for their breathing. It was almost
unbearable. When the sounds started again, Ray turned his head just
enough to see out of the corner of his eye. Fraser's head was bent over
Vecchio's chest, sucking at his nipple as though it was some kind of
religious rite. He could see the slow steady movement of Fraser's hips
under the covers. The ache in Ray's balls intensified and he had to
force himself not to reach for his rigid cock. Then he realised that
Vecchio's head was turned towards him, and Vecchio's eyes were open,
watching him.
Before he could react, a hand grasped his, almost painfully tightly.
"Benny."
Fraser's head came up and turned unerringly towards him. "Ray."
In spite of the dimness he could still see Fraser's smile.
"It's okay. I'll go sleep with Renny." Ray pushed himself
up onto one elbow, but the grip on his hand refused to release him.
Another, familiar, hand joined in. "You don't have to do that."
Ray gulped a lungful of air. Somehow he'd forgotten about breathing.
He looked at Vecchio and saw a kind of reluctant agreement. It didn't
feel right to join them; this was something too private for him to be
a real part of. "Well
uh, I'll just stay here then. You
guys, er
you carry on, okay?"
Fraser grinned. So, amazingly, did Vecchio. "Ray
"
"No, I'm fine. You just
you know
" Ray sank back
down to the mattress. "Don't mind me."
Fraser leaned over to kiss him. He tasted of Vecchio. God! The jolt
went straight to Ray's groin. But Fraser was turning back to Vecchio,
his hips already moving rhythmically. Vecchio's eyes closed and his
head tipped back, baring a long throat with a prominent Adam's Apple.
The hands closed over his remained where they were.
He'd have to do something. The pressure in his groin was mounting, to
the point of being painful. Voyeur or not, nobody could expect him to
just lie there and do nothing. Still feeling uncomfortable, but now
desperate as well, Ray slid his free hand down over his cock and wrapped
his fingers around it.
It was obvious there weren't going to be any fireworks tonight. The
silent intensity of the two men was almost frightening. But it was also
obvious that neither of them was going to last very long. Ray pumped
his cock unmercifully; for all sorts of reasons he didn't want to be
doing this after Vecchio and Fraser had finished.
Something in the atmosphere of the room must have infected him; maybe
it was just the smell of sex, heavy and fragrant, that hung around the
bed
whatever it was, Ray was soon fighting to hold back, to wait
for his companions. It seemed an eternity before he heard Fraser's controlled
breathing shatter. Vecchio moaned, body arching up against the one that
covered him, and they all gave way in the same instant.
Floating in a pleasurable daze, Ray was only dimly aware of the necessary
clean up. He felt someone, probably Fraser, wipe his belly; heard the
toilet flush. Felt somebody pull the covers over his shoulders. He could
smell an unfamiliar scent and assumed that it must be Vecchio, lying
beside him. He opened his eyes reluctantly and saw Fraser on Vecchio's
other side. He guessed that was okay; certainly he was too tired to
worry about it. He closed his eyes and let himself drift
and woke to the sound of screams. A sudden upheaval beside him
only added to the confusion. Cool air rushed into the space where a
warm body had been and Ray shoved himself upright in time to see Vecchio's
bare ass disappearing out the doorway. It finally sank in what was happening
as Fraser passed the end of the bed, heading for the hallway. Ray threw
himself after the pair of them.
When he got to the guest bedroom the door was open no more than a fraction
of an inch and Fraser was standing outside. The screams had stopped
and Ray could hear Vecchio's quiet voice inside. His heart was pounding
in shock. "Anything we can do?"
"No. I believe Ray would prefer to handle this. He knows what
to do." Even Fraser looked rattled and after a brief hesitation
Ray leaned against him, sharing warmth and comfort.
It wasn't long before Vecchio came out, looking drawn. "Go back
to bed. I'll spend the rest of the night with Renny. I just need to
get my pyjamas."
They followed him down the hallway and watched uncertainly as he pulled
on a pair of striped flannel pyjamas.
Fraser looked worried. "You're sure, Ray? Perhaps one of us could
it's been a difficult night for you."
"It's been difficult for all of us." Vecchio smiled tiredly.
"I'm glad you're back."
Ray watched as they kissed, and laid a hand briefly on Vecchio's shoulder.
"Take it easy."
"He'll probably be okay now." Vecchio shrugged. "It
just happens sometimes."
Vecchio's tired acceptance of those nightmarish screams spoke volumes
for what both he and Renny must have been through. Ray watched him as
he left the bedroom and turned to Fraser with a frown. "It sounds
bad, Frase. Just as well we came back, I guess."
"Yes." The slate blue eyes met his wearily. "Ray and
Turnbull may have been exposed to HIV, Ray."
"Ohmigod
Frase
" he felt like he'd been punched
in the gut. "Laurier? He was positive?"
"We don't know yet.". Fraser rubbed his eyebrow, the way he
always did when he was troubled. "Ray's still waiting for the autopsy
results, but if Laurier was infected, they'll have to have tests for
the next six months before they're cleared. It's not going to be easy
for them."
It was late. He was tired and he'd had too much happen tonight to be
able to deal with this. Hard on that thought came the realisation that
he had some kind of a choice. For Renny and Vecchio, there was
no choice but to deal with it however they could. He stared at Fraser
speechlessly.
"Come to bed, Ray." Fraser smiled tiredly and held out a hand.
That was an invitation he wasn't likely to refuse. Even if he had to
crawl to get there. They settled amongst the still warm bedding, lying
close together and Ray sighed. He didn't want to think what lay ahead
for the four of them. Not tonight.
"Ray, are you going to be all right with this
um, arrangement?"
Ben's voice, coming just as he was drifting off to sleep again, startled
him.
Ray rubbed his face, trying to jumpstart his brain. "Yeah, I think
so. What about Vecchio?"
"He'll adjust." Fraser sighed. "After what he's been
through, he'll need some leeway. Can you give him that?"
He remembered what Vecchio had been like last time they'd been in Chicago.
Okay, so maybe he hadn't helped much. It still wasn't going to be easy.
"I guess I'll have to, won't I?" He turned to face Fraser,
kissed him slowly. Still tasted of Vecchio, which pretty much summed
up the situation. "It's okay. I know how important it is. For
you and for Renny. I won't screw up. I'll try not to let Vecchio
screw up, either, God help me. Can I go to sleep now?"
Fraser smiled, his teeth gleaming in the darkness. "Goodnight Ray."
Ray sighed in relief. Sometimes Fraser just never knew when to shut
up. "Night, Frase
" And sometimes he did.
*
The folder was sitting in his tray, innocent as all Hell, not seeming
like anything important. Ray had been ignoring it all morning, except
for the occasional feeling that he was waiting for a time bomb to explode.
He'd get to it. When he was ready. Later.
Someone came over and sat in the chair he always thought of as Fraser's.
He looked up. It was Kowalski. "Yeah?"
A big grin crossed Kowalski's face. "I'm in. Starting tomorrow."
"Okay." That was pretty much what he'd expected. Fraser was
already back working at the Consulate and he knew Welsh was short handed
after a spate of retirements and resignations. "See you later,
then."
Kowalski scowled. "You could try looking happy about it."
"Another time. I'm busy." He fiddled with his pen and tried
not to look at the tray. He had the crazy feeling that the folder knew
he was scared of it.
"Ray! Good to see you again." Frannie's voice cut across
Kowalski's response. She leaned on Ray's desk smiling. "Are you
coming back? Harding will be pleased."
"Don't call him that!" Ray's irritation found a convenient
outlet. "He's your boss not your boyfriend."
Frannie just smiled archly. "What do you know? Harding
would like that autopsy report when you've finished with it."
She wasn't
she couldn't be
Ray decided she was just yanking
his chain. "Soon, okay? I'll give it to him."
"You'd better." She waited a moment to see if he was going
to react, but he wasn't in the mood. With a triumphant smile, Frannie
sauntered away, touching Kowalski lightly on the shoulder as she passed
him.
Kowalski was staring at him. "The autopsy? Laurier's?"
"Yeah." Ray heard the defensive tone in his voice but couldn't
keep it out. "I'm getting to it." Kowalski just stared at
him and after a few seconds he reached for the folder and flipped it
open.
There were only two pages in there. Make that one and a half
not
much to give hope to two men's lives
or take it away. He skimmed
through most of it, found what he wanted and shut the folder. Then he
just sat there shaking.
"Vecchio?" Kowalski was standing beside him suddenly, one
hand resting on his shoulder. Ray hadn't noticed him move.
"It's
" his mouth was too dry, his throat too tense.
He swallowed and tried again. "It's okay, the results were negative."
Kowalski dropped back into the chair with an explosive sigh. He looked
up after a moment and gave Ray a shaky smile. "We better go tell
the others."
Kowalski drove, which was just as well because most of the trip passed
in a daze for Ray. If they talked he didn't remember it. By the time
they reached the twenty-fourth floor, Kowalski was just about vibrating
with energy, but Ray felt exhausted. He followed numbly as Kowalski
breezed through the reception area, tossing a cheerful greeting to the
young receptionist, obviously already familiar both with her and the
layout. She buzzed them into the secure area, blithely ignoring the
sign that said all visitors must be accompanied by a staff member.
Fraser's small office was between Thatcher's and reception. Renny, of
course, didn't rate an office of his own, but shared one with another
junior officer. There'd be no privacy there, so without needing to discuss
it, both men headed straight for Fraser.
He greeted them both with a broad smile, which quickly faded. "What
is it Ray?"
"Call Renny in will ya, Fraser?" He couldn't do this twice.
Beside him, Kowalski moved restlessly.
It didn't take long for Renny to arrive. He stopped just inside the
door, his face paling as he took in the strained atmosphere. His eyes
searched Ray's face.
Somehow Ray managed to drag up a smile that felt stiff and unnatural
on his face. "I got the autopsy results. He was clean. It's okay."
It was interesting to see their reactions. Fraser smiled his relief,
but Renny, still standing by the door, shivered once and then just stood
there, frozen. For a moment that was all, then with a rush that was
worse than pain, Ray began to feel again. He pulled Renny further into
the small room and held him tightly. Renny was trembling, tiny tremors
that were impossible to see, could only be felt.
Kowalski reached them first, since he was closest, then Fraser. They
all stood in a huddle, wordlessly sharing their relief, acknowledging
for the first time just how frightened they'd all been. Perhaps, like
Ray, only now admitting it to themselves. At last, with some reluctance,
they drew apart. None too soon, as Thatcher burst through the door,
a printed form in her hand, demanding information. She stopped mid-speech
as she too recognised the tension in the room.
"What is it?" Her voice sharpened.
At least they were all standing far enough apart not to look too suspicious,
but the office was far too small for four people to be at a comfortable
distance. Fraser moved toward her, his hand going out to take the paper.
"Ray dropped by with some information on the Laurier case. I'll
see what I can do with this." He smiled at her, moving closer so
that she had to back away or end up chest to chest with him. "And
I was meaning to ask
" he ushered her out of the room and they
heard his voice retreating down the hallway.
"Phew." Kowalski leaned back against Fraser's desk. "That
was close."
"Yeah. You all right, Renny?" Ray thought he looked a bit
better.
He was rewarded with a small smile. "Yes, Ray. I'll
I'll
be fine."
"Sure you will, buddy." Kowalski pushed himself off the desk.
"We should go out and celebrate. You and Vecchio are in the clear
and I got a job." He grinned as Renny congratulated him enthusiastically.
There was no doubt that Kowalski's rather irritating energy and cheerfulness
had a good effect on Renny. Ray sighed; he'd just have to learn to live
with it.
*
"Drugs." Welsh threw the folder down on his desk, well within
reach. "A lot of drugs. And the usual accompaniments."
Ray Kowalski threw a glance in Vecchio's direction, expecting an explosion.
It hadn't been at all difficult to get back into the Twenty-Seventh Precinct,
even with Vecchio back in the job they'd each once held. There was always
a place if the Lieutenant wanted someone bad enough, and for some reason
Welsh seemed to like him. What he hadn't expected, but probably should
have, was that he'd be partnered with the man he'd once impersonated.
It was at best an uneasy partnership. Neither of them could afford,
personally or professionally, to get too beat up over it, but neither
of them was too happy about it either. They'd managed to crack a few
cases together without a lot of friction, but somehow Ray had the feeling
that this was going to strain their enforced alliance to the limit.
Right now Vecchio's face wasn't giving anything away, and that in itself
was a warning sign. One which Welsh seemed either not to notice, or
maybe, not to care about. Ray held his breath as Vecchio leaned forward,
as casually as though he was reaching for the television remote, and
took the folder off the edge of Welsh's desk. He flipped through the
pages, obviously not reading much of what was in there, and laid it back
down again.
"With all due respect, sir, why aren't the FBI working on this one?"
The quiet intensity of Vecchio's voice made Ray's skin crawl. This was
nothing like the man he'd heard about from Fraser, or from Vecchio's
own family. There were times when Vecchio scared the Hell out of him.
The rest of the time he was just downright annoying.
Lt Welsh eyed Vecchio calmly. Ray knew he'd been cutting Vecchio a lot
of slack lately, but it looked like that was coming to an end. "They
are, detective. You two will be liaising with them and providing local
information. The agents will deal with all other aspects of the case."
"Sounds kinda messy to me, Lou. What's it all about?" Welsh
threw a resigned look in his direction and Ray regretted opening his
mouth. He regretted it even more when Vecchio stood abruptly and headed
for the door.
"Vecchio." Welsh's voice was mild, but inflexible.
Vecchio stopped, his hand already on the doorknob. "This stinks.
They don't want me, they want Armando."
"What?" Ray hated it when Vecchio talked about Armando Langoustini
as though he was a real, living person. The real Langoustini had been
dead over a year and Vecchio wasn't pretending to be Langoustini any
more, but he still talked about the Bookman as if he were a real person,
somehow separate from himself. It gave Ray the creeps. "Sir, what
about Vecchio's cover? If someone who knows Langoustini sees him
"
It would blow his own cover as well as Vecchio's. And then Fraser and
Renny would be in danger too, most likely. Welsh didn't bother to deny
anything. By the look of it, he wasn't any happier about this than they
were. "I'm sorry detectives, but the case is already assigned.
I don't have a say in this and neither do you."
Ray pushed himself out of the chair and picked up the folder. "Vecchio's
right. This sucks."
Welsh sighed. "Just be careful."
*
Ben reached the southern end of the bridge at State Street and stopped,
waiting for the lights to change. But by the time they did, he was still
unaccompanied by his subordinate. They'd got into the habit of walking
to the Consulate together from the point where Ray, one or other of them,
dropped them on Lake Shore Drive. It wasn't unusual for Turnbull to
fall behind; he was fascinated by the Chicago Tribune building, with
its collection of stones from various parts of the world set into the
wall, and would often stop to look for places of interest to him. It
had become a habit for Ben to go on ahead, but Turnbull always caught
up with him by this point.
Unable to ignore a twinge of worry, he turned and saw Turnbull standing
halfway across the bridge staring down into the water. The worry deepened
suddenly. Ben hurried back across the bridge. By the time he reached
Turnbull the younger man still hadn't moved. Ben reached out and, very
carefully, touched his broad shoulder.
Turnbull flinched slightly and turned a startled gaze on him. "Oh!
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hold you up."
"It's all right Renfield, we still have
" he glanced at
his watch. "We still have ten minutes. Is something wrong?"
But Turnbull was blushing and shaking his head. They continued their
walk across the bridge. "I was just watching the patterns in the
water, Sir."
Ben looked at him doubtfully. Ray Vecchio had told him too much about
Turnbull's behaviour in the days before he and Ray Kowalski had returned
to Chicago. He knew that Ray had been afraid that there might be a suicide
attempt. It was still a possibility. Turnbull was prone to odd behaviour
odd even by his usual standards. None of them was really sure that it
was safe to leave him alone for any length of time.
Turnbull caught the look and blushed even more deeply. "I'm fine
Sir, really."
"We're not on duty yet, Renfield." Ben managed a self-conscious
smile. It still felt very awkward to call Turnbull by his given name,
but it was necessary, he supposed. Their relationship, inevitably, was
becoming closer now that all four of them were living in the same apartment.
Turnbull's eyes widened slightly at the implied invitation. "Yes,
Benton
oh, look!" With a rather forced exclamation of pleasure,
he darted over to a shop window filled with sports memorabilia. "They've
got a Leafs jersey!"
With a small sigh that he hoped Turnbull hadn't noticed, Ben went over
to inspect the item. Changing the habits of two years wasn't going to
be easy for either of them.
*
Ray made it to the bathroom just ahead of Vecchio, and shut the door
in his face with a triumphant grin. One of the big drawbacks to the
way they were living now was that getting a shot at the bathroom in the
mornings had become a major problem. It helped that both Fraser and
Renny were early risers and not inclined to hang around, but the same
could definitely not be said of Vecchio. Well, this time he
was in there first, and Ray decided he was going to make the most of
it.
The water was scalding hot, since the two Mounties seemed to prefer ice
water showers, and Ray relaxed against the tiled wall, enjoying the feel
of the water streaming down his body. After a while, though, he pushed
himself away and got busy with the shampoo. He didn't want to push Vecchio
too far; their partnership at work was shaky enough and he didn't want
it to spill over here at home. It would only hurt the others and neither
of them wanted that.
He'd just finished rinsing out the lather from his hair when a warning
tickle of cold air against his back made him turn. Vecchio was there,
naked. "What the Hell are you doing?"
"I need to have a shower." Vecchio's grin was hard edged and
more than a little disturbing. "Mind if I join you?"
There was more than enough room. Like the bath, this shower had been
designed for use by more than one person. Ray thought fast, and moved
aside. "Sure. Shampoo?" He tossed the bottle to Vecchio.
"Thanks." Vecchio's eyes dropped to the bottle as he unfastened
the cap, and Ray reached for the soap.
It was kind of unsettling. Not that it was the first time he'd shared
this shower, only the first time with Vecchio. And Vecchio was
well, he was acting kinda strange. Ray half turned away from him and
tried to concentrate on washing off and getting out of there. Then a
hand brushed his shoulder and he flinched.
"Want a hand with that?" Vecchio's voice was even, giving
nothing away, but his eyes held an unnerving gleam.
A pulse beat warningly in his throat as Ray turned to face him. So Vecchio
was coming on to him. It wasn't exactly unexpected; at some point this
was bound to happen. They both knew it and accepted it. Ray just wasn't
sure that now was such a great time. But he'd decided to let Vecchio
set the pace on this one, and if that was what he wanted, then they might
as well do it.
Ray summoned up that confident little 'fuck you' grin that always worked
so well when he felt cornered. "Okay. Here ya go." He handed
the soap over to Vecchio and was unaccountably relieved when Vecchio
grabbed the washcloth that hung on the soap rack.
A firm hand turned him away and the cloth began to move in light strokes
over his back and shoulders. Ray leaned his arms against the wall in
front of him and rested his forehead on them while Vecchio continued.
It felt pretty good, especially when the cloth reached his lower back
and began a slow massage of his butt. Ray felt his cock starting to
take an interest and closed his eyes, swallowing to ease his suddenly
tight throat. The cloth slipped between his cheeks, lingering there
a while longer than was really necessary and after a moment's hesitation
he pushed back a little against Vecchio's touch.
After another light caress the cloth was removed and Vecchio's unseen
presence retreated slightly. Ray lifted his head and looked back over
his shoulder, but Vecchio was just soaping up the washcloth again, his
eyes downcast. Ray turned, leaning back against the wall, watching.
Okay, so he preferred big guys, like Frase and Renny, but still, Vecchio
wasn't bad. He had to admit, he kinda liked the olive skin, not that
dark, really, except when he was next to Fraser or Renny; and the triangular
patch of hair between his nipples, now clinging wetly to his skin. Ray's
eyes followed the point downwards as it converted into a thin line that
reached to his navel, then continued to that other, smaller, patch of
hair at his groin where Vecchio's cock swayed, half erect and darkly
elegant above his balls.
There was a distinct tightening in his groin, and a tingle in his thighs.
Ray's eyes lifted to meet a dark green gaze that gave nothing away.
"So, you ready, Kowalski?"
Ray had a feeling Vecchio wasn't talking about the soapy washcloth.
He nodded. "Yeah. Go for it."
Vecchio moved closer again, but simply resumed his washing. Except that
whenever the cloth moved over Ray's nipples, it lingered a while. Gradually
the cloth dipped lower. And lower. Ray swallowed. Vecchio's face was
only inches away. Too close for comfort unless they were going to kiss.
But Vecchio made no move, and Ray couldn't bring himself to start it.
The whole situation was starting to feel a little creepy; then Vecchio's
eyes released his and Ray breathed a silent sigh of relief.
The cloth was between his legs now, having skipped over his swelling
cock. Suddenly it moved up again, capturing his balls and massaging
behind them. Ray's heart began to pound. This was it
Vecchio was leaning against his side, staring down at his hand as he
stroked and teased at Ray's cock and balls. Ray stared at Vecchio's
intent face and stifled a small moan. Normally by now he'd be letting
loose, but the eeriness of Vecchio's behaviour was starting to get to
him. It didn't stop him getting hard though.
"Turn around." Vecchio's voice was rough. Ray took a quick
look at that dark cock, hard and eager now, and obeyed.
Vecchio's hard, wiry body pressed him against the shower wall, and Vecchio's
cock slid along the cleft of his butt, the tip probing at his asshole
just long enough to make him nervous. Then Vecchio's arm wrapped around
his waist and the hot shaft nestled comfortably in his butt crack.
One of Vecchio's hands was on the wall beside his, fingers clenching
uselessly on the smooth tile. Ray felt the narrow hips move, slowly
at first, then faster, harder. It felt good, really good, but Ray's
unattended cock throbbed insistently, complaining of neglect. Just as
Ray was about to take matters, literally, into his own hands, Vecchio's
hand slid down over his belly and long fingers wrapped themselves around
his shaft.
Ray relaxed a little, allowing Vecchio's thrusts to push his cock through
that tight grip. It was starting to feel really good, the strangeness
forgotten now that his body's demands were clamouring in his head. He
could feel Vecchio's head resting against his shoulder, hear the harsh
grunts as Vecchio drove against him. Just as he was getting ready to
shoot, Vecchio pulled away almost violently, releasing Ray's cock and
leaving him stranded.
Shit. Ray choked back a sob of frustration and turned his head. Vecchio
was leaning against the wall beside him, eyes tightly closed, lips clamped
together. His nostrils flared with each heaving breath. Ray hadn't
felt him come, but he must have, because now his cock was hanging limply
between his legs.
"Geez
Vecchio
" Ray stifled his protest as Vecchio's
eyes opened and fastened on his. He couldn't read the emotions in them,
but he didn't need to. Suddenly his unsatisfied state didn't seem quite
so important any more.
Vecchio's face suddenly relaxed into a bland mask. "Sorry. You
want me to finish you off?"
"Yeah. That would be nice." He closed his eyes and tried
to relax as Vecchio's hand went back to its stroking. It didn't take
long for the sensations to take over, driving out all other considerations.
He thrust sharply, just once; felt the hot contraction of his balls,
the rush of power through his cock, and gasped aloud.
The hand stroking his cock didn't stop, following him down into limp
pleasure. Then Vecchio moved away, allowing him as much space as was
possible. When he opened his eyes Vecchio was rinsing off his soapy
body under the rapidly cooling stream of water. His eyes avoided Ray's
and when Ray moved away from the wall, Vecchio muttered something and
slipped out through the narrow opening of the shower door.
By the time Ray had quickly soaped himself and finished, Vecchio was
wrapped in a towelling robe and reaching for the bathroom door. It opened
on a fully uniformed and smiling Fraser. They both froze.
Fraser's smile broadened. "I knew you two would hit it off eventually."
Ray was lost for words. Hitting it off somehow didn't seem to exactly
describe what had just happened between them. He saw Vecchio's shoulders
tense, then relax slightly.
"Sure, Benny. We're getting along just fine." He slid between
Fraser and the partly opened door and disappeared down the hallway.
The smile slipped a bit on Fraser's face and he cocked his head inquiringly.
"What happened, Ray?"
Ray shrugged. "Damned if I know."
*
"Hey, Frase
you busy?"
Ben looked up from his paperwork to see his lover's spiky blond head
poking around the edge of his office door and smiled. "I can take
a few minutes, Ray. Come in."
Not one, but both of his lovers came into his office and Ben assessed
them with a Mountie's eye. Ray Vecchio was tense and withdrawn, and
Ray Kowalski jiggling with suppressed energy. Ben sighed. Something
was wrong. He raised his eyebrows inquiringly.
The blond avoided his eyes. "Uh
we wanted to talk to you
about Renny."
"Oh?" Ben felt himself tense suddenly. Wasn't Turnbull
Renfield
on guard duty right now? It was one of the few times
in Ben's day when he could feel reasonably sure that nothing was going
to go wrong. "What's he done now?"
"He hasn't done anything, Benny." Ray Vecchio scowled at him.
"He's not the problem here. You are."
Before Ben could react to this unexpected attack, Ray Kowalski interrupted.
"Lay off, Vecchio. That ain't gonna help." Left fair and
square in the crossfire, he eyed Ben placatingly. "It's just that
you can be kinda hard on him Fraser, and Renny doesn't need that right
now."
It was on the tip of his tongue to deny the accusation, but Ben hesitated.
It wasn't often that the two Americans agreed on anything, and unheard
of for the two of them to unite against him. He folded his hands on
the desktop. "Go on."
"Benny, he's a damn sight smarter than you think he is. He knows
how you feel about him, and it hurts." Ray looked at him pleadingly.
"Just give him a chance."
"Ray, I
" Ben stopped, unsure of his ground. For all
Renfield's awkwardness and annoying habits, he was quite well liked by
most of the Consulate staff and there had been times when Ben had depended
on him and had not been disappointed. He sighed. "Perhaps you're
right. I'll try to be more
understanding."
Both men broke into relieved smiles. "It'll mean a lot to him,
Benny."
"Yeah, Frase. You know how much he looks up to you." Ray
Kowalski came closer and slapped him on the shoulder. "He needs
all the help he can get right now."
Guiltily recalling the conversation he'd had with Ray on that very subject,
several months ago, Ben sighed again. He had tended to take Renfield's
fixation on him somewhat smugly for granted without considering how his
actions would affect the younger Mountie. "I'll try to remember
that the next time he breaks one of Inspector Thatcher's favourite vases."
*
Working with Vecchio was turning out to be a lot like working in the
Bomb Squad, Ray thought. Not that he ever had, but it was pretty much
the way he imagined it might be. You never knew when something was going
to blow up in your face. Even something like a simple trip to the deli
for sandwiches could turn sour without any warning.
It wasn't his fault they'd stumbled across a hold up. It for
sure wasn't his fault the punk was high on something. It had
been a damn dangerous situation and Vecchio, as usual, had tried to take
control, like he was trying to prove something. Okay, so Vecchio had
managed to get him to release all the customers, leaving just him and
Ray and the deli owner still inside. It was about then that the squad
cars arrived, sirens screaming, and the punk had started firing wildly.
They'd been lucky to get out alive.
Once it was all over, and the uniforms had taken the punk away
not their precinct, not their problem, thank God
Vecchio had followed
him back to the GTO and they'd driven back to the stationhouse in an
ominous silence. Almost as soon as they got in the door, Vecchio turned
on him. "What the Hell did you think you were doing?"
"Trying to help you, dammit! What's your problem, Vecchio?"
Kowalski glared at his partner and fought the urge to pop him one. "He
was aiming right at you. Was I supposed to just stand there and let
you get shot?"
"Help me? You damn well nearly got me killed!" Vecchio's
fists clenched, but he made no move to attack, and after a moment Ray
released the breath he'd been holding. They'd never actually come to
blows yet, but that didn't mean it would never happen. "Just keep
out of my way. I can look after myself."
People were getting hurriedly out of their way as they stalked along
the hallway. He wondered why Vecchio had waited until now and decided
he had probably chosen the safest option. At least they couldn't duke
it out in full view of the whole precinct. "Well, if you'd just
trusted me for one fucking second
"
The doors flew open banging against the wall and every eye in the Bullpen
was briefly on the two of them. Then there was a collective rolling
of eyes as everyone went back to their work. Ray Kowalski noted this
with one corner of his mind. It seemed like nobody paid much attention
to their fights any more. Even Frannie had given up trying to stop them.
Vecchio was still yelling but Ray suddenly wasn't in the mood. He grabbed
the thin arm as it waved wildly before his nose and pulled his partner
around and back out into the hallway.
"Now what?" Vecchio's green eyes blazed at him. "For
God's sake, Kowalski
"
"We gotta talk, Ray." He saw, with satisfaction, that his
use of Vecchio's first name had the effect he'd wanted. "Come on."
Vecchio followed him down the hallway without another word. The only
place they'd be able to talk was the interview room. He'd just have
to hope that half the precinct wasn't crammed into the observation room
watching them.
"Okay. So talk." Arms folded across his chest, Vecchio watched
him warily.
It brought him up short. Ray knew that he needed to get this right,
but he wasn't good at explaining things. Fraser could do it better,
except that Fraser couldn't do this at all. Only he could. Talk about
performance anxiety
"This ain't working, Vecchio." He was answered by a short
laugh. "We're trying to do too many things at once. Trying to
be too many things
partners, friends, lovers
it ain't
working."
Panic flared briefly in Vecchio's face before he turned away and it reminded
Ray of how close to the edge the other man still was. "So what
are you saying?"
"Look
" he went over to stand behind Vecchio, and met
his eyes in the mirror. He put his hand on the thin shoulder. "I'm
not giving up, okay? I just think we need to take it slowly."
Vecchio's eyes dropped. "Go on."
"I was thinking
" he swallowed hard, he hadn't been thinking
at all. He was trying to make this up on the trot and it was scaring
the Hell out of him. "Maybe I should move out of the apartment."
"You can't." The muscles under his hand tensed up again.
"Renny needs you."
"Not as much as he needs you." Ray hesitated. "He needs
you to be together for him, and you're not together. Not even close.
Maybe if it was just the three of you
well, some of the pressure
would be off you." And off Fraser, for that matter. "Frase
could come see me at my place sometimes. I could visit you guys. It's
not like we'd be totally cut off."
"No." Vecchio's head shook slowly from side to side. He'd
started to tremble.
Vecchio wasn't going to tell him what the problem was. That much was
obvious. Ray thought about it and wondered if he was simply not ready
to be alone with Fraser. He knew the two of them had been making love.
Hell, he'd seen them making love
but maybe
maybe Vecchio
was doing it for Fraser's sake. It was becoming increasingly
obvious that there was something wrong between the two of them. Maybe
he wanted Ray there to take the pressure of Fraser's needs off of him.
He moved a little closer and lowered his voice. "Ray, I just wanna
do what's best for all of us. If moving out isn't gonna do it, why don't
you tell me what will?"
Vecchio sighed and let his head drop forward tiredly. "I don't
know. I'm just
just scared. Renny's not getting any better.
I thought he was at first but he isn't. I can't help him."
"You're wrong." Ray squeezed his partner's shoulder gently.
"You are helping him, just by being there. You know what
he's going through. If it wasn't for you he'd be in some psych ward
by now. Or dead, maybe."
A shiver ran through the slender body. "Maybe what he needs is
somebody who doesn't know what he's going through. Somebody who
never knew Laurier."
"Maybe he just needs both of us." Ray thought about that and
decided Vecchio was probably right. They both were. "And Fraser.
He knows he can trust Fraser. I guess it's some kind of Mountie thing."
He grinned and saw it faintly echoed on Vecchio's drawn face. "Okay,
so I don't move out. But we should take it easy. Don't try to force
things, okay? Let it just happen between us." He backed away slightly,
offering Vecchio some space.
The other man turned to face him. "What if it doesn't 'happen'?"
He faked a double take. "What us? Are yer kidding? A sexy Eye-talian
stallion like you and a hot stud like me not get it together?"
A tiny smile tugged at the corners of Vecchio's mouth. "Don't get
mushy on me, Kowalski. Next thing ya know I'll be bawling my eyes out
like my nieces when they see Bambi's momma dying."
In fact, his eyes were suspiciously bright, but Ray just grinned
and hugged him lightly and planted a no more than friendly kiss on his
lips.
*
There was never enough white-out. Vecchio searched in his drawers for
his secret supply and heard Kowalski cursing behind him as he
tore another sheet out of the typewriter and started over. Ray grinned.
It seemed like things were slowly improving. Even Renny was more relaxed,
more like his normal self. Fraser was happy; and he and Kowalski were
getting along okay. Maybe one day everything could get back to normal.
That had seemed impossible to him only a few weeks ago. Now it seemed
attainable.
His cell phone rang. "Yeah, Vecchio. What is it?"
"Ray?" It was Fraser, sounding worried. "I need your
help. Can you come over right away?"
"Sure. What's wrong?" He was already rising, signalling to
Kowalski. It had to be Renny, nobody else could bring that longsuffering
tone to Benny's voice.
A sigh gusted in his ear. "Renfield's locked himself in the bathroom."
Ray laughed in sheer relief. "Again? Is that all?" He waved
a casual hand at Kowalski as he came over.
"No, Ray. He's locked himself in the bathroom. He won't
come out." Ray could almost see Fraser rubbing his eyebrow in concern.
"Inspector Thatcher's
well, she's not pleased. There's a
delegation due at any moment, and
"
"We'll be right over." He flipped the cell phone closed.
Kowalski was right behind him, trying to listen to the cell phone. "Something's
up with Renny. We better get over to the Consulate fast."
"I'll drive."
Kowalski brushed past him, and Ray caught his arm. "We'd better
both take our cars. There's no telling what's going on."
As soon as he was in the police pool car, Ray started the siren and put
his foot to the floor. Kowalski was on his tail the whole way over.
When they got there, he simply abandoned the car without even locking
it and ran inside. Fraser was in the reception area and hurried them
through. It was obvious the security had been beefed up for this visit
and that he wanted them out of the way fast.
Once in the secure area Fraser's face relaxed into a worried smile.
"He's through here." He led them into Thatcher's office.
No wonder she was pissed.
"Renny." Ray knocked gently on the wooden door. "Renny,
it's me. Come on out of there."
Nothing.
He knocked again. "Renny, open up, willya? We're getting worried
here."
"I ca
" Ray thought he heard a muffled sob. "I can't
"
A hand touched his shoulder and Ray glanced back to see Kowalski close
behind him. "Renny, it's Ray. We're all here. You can do it,
buddy. Come on and open up the door."
"No! Please
leave me
" a definite sob that time,
then silence.
"Renny I know you can do it." Ray tried to keep the fear out
of his voice. He gestured to the others to leave and they obeyed in
silence. "It's just me here now, baby. You can do it, okay? Just
unlock the door. That's all you have to do, I won't even open it, okay?
Just reach out and unlock the door for me."
There was a long pause and then, finally, a faint click. Ray let out
a shaky breath. "Can I come in, Renny?"
"Ray
"
He didn't wait for anything more definite. He eased the door open carefully,
not knowing what to expect, and not wanting to startle Renny into doing
anything dangerous. But the young Mountie was sitting hunched up on
the floor, half under the wash basin. His face was flushed and streaked
with tears and he was holding a crumpled sheet of paper in his hands.
The eyes that lifted to meet Ray's were full of pain.
Ray squeezed into the small space beside him and put his arms around
the red serge clad shoulders. "It's okay now, baby. It's gonna
be all right."
Renny's face twisted and he turned into Ray's loose embrace and began
to sob. Just listening to him induced a heart-pounding, skin-crawling,
gut-churning reaction, but there was nothing Ray could do except to hold
him and whisper reassurances into his ear. After a moment he gently
eased the paper out of Renny's large bony hand and shoved it into his
pocket.
By the time Renny had calmed a bit, Ray's legs were starting to cramp,
and he guessed that Renny would be incapable of standing on his own.
He kissed the short hair beneath his chin. "I'm gonna need some
help getting us outta here, Renny. That okay?"
Renny gulped and nodded wordlessly. Ray figured Fraser and Kowalski
wouldn't be too far away, and when he called, they were there in seconds.
He stared up into their faces, feeling faintly ridiculous, but accepted
Fraser's hand to get him to his feet. He left Renny to Kowalski's aid,
but as soon as the Mountie was on his feet, Renny was looking anxiously
around. Ray went to his other side, supporting him with an arm around
his waist and after a moment Kowalski moved away slightly.
Fraser simply looked at him questioningly but Ray still had no idea what
had caused all of this. Except that it had to be something to do with
the paper. He fished it out of his pocket and handed it over. Fraser
glanced at it and his face suddenly went completely blank.
"What is it?" Kowalski went to his side and turned the crumpled
sheet towards him. "Shit."
Renny was starting to shake again, leaning heavily against him. Ray
held out his hand and Fraser passed it over to him with obvious reluctance.
At first the words made no sense. Then he realised he was looking at
an official request from Ottawa for the repatriation of the body of John
Laurier, Canadian citizen, currently in the care of the Chicago city
morgue. Laurier's parents would be arriving in two days to accompany
their son's body back to Canada.
It made him feel sick and disoriented. God only knew how Renny
was feeling. He passed the form back to Fraser. "I'll take him
home."
"You want me to come too?" Kowalski looked shaken. He reached
out a hand to touch Renny's then stopped as he stiffened and shrank back
against Ray's side.
That decided it. "No. We'll be okay. I'll see you both later."
*
It came as no real surprise to find the apartment apparently deserted,
but Ben simply went into the guest room, Kowalski on his heels, and found
the two of them in bed and fast asleep. Turnbull's face was completely
buried against Ray's bare chest, but Ray's face was unobscured. Even
in sleep he seemed exhausted, and his eyelids were reddened.
They retreated and, after a whispered consultation, Kowalski went to
buy some take-out from his favourite Chinese restaurant and Ben went
into the kitchen to get the table ready, with Dief in close and hopeful
attendance. By the time Kowalski was back everything was ready.
"You think we should just let 'em sleep, Frase?" Kowalski
cast a doubtful glance towards the closed bedroom door.
He'd been weighing up the pros and cons as he'd worked. He'd checked
on them again when he'd gone into the master bedroom to strip off his
tunic and found they hadn't moved. All the same, neither of them were
eating very well at the moment and lately Turnbull had taken no interest
in cooking at all. It was becoming rather worrying.
"I'll wake them." He brushed a kiss across Kowalski's cheek
as he passed. "I won't be long."
Vecchio's eyes opened as he peeked in the door, regarding him sleepily.
Ben smiled. "We've got some Chinese, Ray. It's ready, on the table."
"Yeah?" A huge yawn interrupted what he was going to say next.
Then he looked down at his still sleeping companion. "Maybe I better
stay with him. I can eat later, Benny."
That wasn't at all to Ben's liking. "Ray, I think
"
"Ray?" Turnbull stirred, lifting his head. "Ray, what
"
He sounded better, no more than sleepy and confused. Ben advanced into
the room and Turnbull's head turned to him. "How are you feeling,
Renfield? Better?"
"Oh yes
I'm
I'm fi
" Turnbull broke off with
a gasp, his eyes widening, then recovered fast. "I'm feeling much
better, thank you." Behind him, Ray's head shook slightly from
side to side and his arm tightened across Turnbull's back.
"Well
" Ben decided to change his plan of attack. "Ray's
just brought some Chinese take-out home. I was thinking we could all
eat in here. We'll bring it through." He left before either of
them could think of an excuse to refuse.
It only took a moment to transfer everything onto a couple of trays and
carry them into the bedroom. By that time Ray and Turnbull were wearing
cotton robes and leaning back against a mound of pillows. Dief positioned
himself strategically and Kowalski and Ben perched on the bottom half
of the bed.
It was a silent meal. Kowalski was the only one among them with any
appetite, though Ben forced himself to eat at least an adequate amount.
Ray and Turnbull ate next to nothing, until Kowalski began feeding Turnbull
bits of chicken and vegetables with his chopsticks and ignoring his blushing
attempts to refuse.
Taking advantage of Turnbull's preoccupation, Ben leaned toward Ray.
"You should eat more, Ray. Set a good example for Renfield."
Ray favoured him with a sardonic look but lifted a fork loaded with noodles
to his mouth and began chewing without much sign of enthusiasm. It was
better than nothing, Ben supposed, but not nearly enough. When both
men refused to eat another bite, Kowalski began to clear the dishes away,
closely watched by Dief. Ben didn't budge from his position on the bed.
Two faces, both of them too thin and too pale, turned towards him when
Ben cleared his throat. "Renfield, I've told the Inspector you
were taken ill and that you won't be at work tomorrow." He swallowed
to ease a sudden tightness in his throat. "We can't allow Mr and
Mrs Laurier to see you."
He saw, by the widening of their eyes that neither of them had even thought
of it. The fact that Ray hadn't seen it troubled him. It wasn't like
him to be so imperceptive. But at the moment it was Turnbull who worried
him most. "You know
you should look on this as the closing
of a chapter, Renfield
an appropriate time to put the whole affair
behind you
"
"Benny
" Ray's eyes flashed him a warning. "Don't
"
"No, Ray. It's all right." Turnbull's voice was shaky but
determined. His lashes were darkened and spiky with unshed tears. "I'll
I'll try, Benton." He made a brave attempt at a smile.
"Good man." Ben smiled back approvingly while Ray shook his
head and muttered "Canadians" under his breath.
*
A tap on the window roused them both from a bored silence. "Anything
happening?"
"Nah. I don't figure they're gonna turn up today." Ray glanced
over at Vecchio. He didn't think they were going to turn up at all;
at least not here. He started up the engine and shifted the stick into
first gear.
But Vecchio was talking across him to the Federal agent. "You guys
ready to take over? Hope you've got a good movie in there." He
nodded towards their expensive, late model car. In this neighbourhood
it stood out like the Titanic in a powerboat regatta. Only the FBI would
use a car like that for a stake out.
Ray grinned. They'd spent five long hours here and it had been a total
waste of time. Whatever might have been planned to go down here, their
birds had got wind of it and flown somewhere else. The sight of that
car, if nothing else, would put paid to any chance of a successful bust
today. "Have fun. See ya later."
Three blocks later Vecchio cracked a huge yawn. They'd been sitting
in this car for way too long, not talking for most of the time, and both
of them were half-asleep. "So, you wanna go back to the Stationhouse?"
"Not really. You got an idea?" Going back to the Stationhouse
would mean paperwork at best, or being dragged into some low priority
case that they would inevitably have to drop when the Feds came calling
for them again.
"Movie?" Vecchio shrugged. "I don't care."
"Are you kidding? We've been sitting around all day. No point
in changing sitting a car for a seat at the movies." Ray drove
on, his mind only half on the road, and realised he was driving in a
certain direction
he wondered whether to say something or just
go there. Better not to spring it on Vecchio, he decided, but how was
he going to say this? "Hey, you wanna go see your Ma? Frannie
said you haven't been over there in a while." Frannie had said
an awful lot more than that, but he wasn't about to push his luck by
telling Vecchio exactly what Frannie had said.
"I've been busy." Vecchio looked out the side window. "She's
probably out with one of her cronies right now anyway."
"She says your Ma's pretty unhappy. Says she hasn't seen any of
us in too long." Uneasily aware of the silence from the other side
of the car, Ray carried on. "I like your Ma, she was good to me
while you were
" too late he realised where his ramblings were
taking him.
"You leave Ma out of this. And you leave Frannie alone,
okay?" Vecchio's face was furious. "They're my family
and I can take care of them. Turn the car around."
"Fine." He took a left at the next corner, crossing too close
in front of oncoming traffic, but Vecchio didn't say a word. Just as
well Fraser wasn't here, or he'd have had something to say about it.
But then, if Fraser were here he'd be busily calming Vecchio down right
now, and Ray didn't have a clue how to do that.
Ray saw the pool hall coming up on the right and had almost passed it
before he remembered Fraser telling him once about Vecchio's father and
how the only thing Vecchio had admired about him was his pool playing
ability. He pulled into a narrow side street just pass the building
and parked. Illegally, but it was a police car, for God's sake. If
it got ticketed, the department could pay for it. Or, even better, they
could pass it onto the FBI. Say they saw something suspicious
he grinned. "How about a couple games of pool?"
Vecchio threw him a sulky look and lifted one shoulder fractionally.
"All right. One game."
Inside it seemed almost pitch black after the bright sunshine, but the
room was almost empty, which was a bonus. Ray paid for the table and
a beer for himself, cranberry juice and soda for Vecchio. Vecchio was
busily checking out the cues and tables. Finally he settled on one table
that he said he thought might be okay and picked out the two best cues
he could find. Vecchio's remarks about the quality of the place were
luckily too low pitched to carry to the owner.
They played in silence for close on half an hour, taking their time over
the shots. It was better than trying to breach the distance between
them. Most of the time he and Vecchio got on pretty well, but every
so often something like this would blow up out of nowhere. He never
knew when he was going to say the wrong thing.
The game was a slow one. Neither of them was playing particularly well,
but gradually Vecchio was beginning to relax. When he paused for a drink
after a good shot, Ray decided it was worth another try. He cleared
his throat nervously. "Hey, Vecchio."
"Yeah?" Vecchio looked at him warily, glass in hand.
"Look, I don't wanna
I mean
" he rubbed his head
and tried again. "Fraser used to tell me about your family
how much you care about them. But
well, you've hardly seen them
since you got back. Frannie and me, we got this kinda brother/sister
thing going, and she's worried about it."
"Frannie should keep her nose out of it." This time Vecchio's
voice was reassuringly mild.
"Yeah, well
" Ray took a sip of his beer while he thought
about what to say. "She loves you. And she loves your mother."
"Are we playing or not?" Vecchio put the glass down and lined
up his next shot. It was an easy shot, but the cue ball went wide and
only narrowly missed going into the pocket. He turned away. "Your
shot."
Ray hesitated over his own shot, then laid the cue down without taking
it. "You wanna tell me what's going on?"
"Since when did you become a shrink, Kowalski?"
"Got anybody else you want to talk to?" That got him a glare
from over Vecchio's shoulder, but he seemed more resigned than angry.
"You don't wanna upset Renny, and I figure maybe there are some
things you'd rather tell me than Fraser." He shrugged. "It
ain't like you really care what I think of you."
"Yeah? Ya think so?" Vecchio turned to look at him squarely.
It was the closest they'd ever come to acknowledging the growing attraction
between them and Ray felt unexpectedly shy. He smiled nervously and
ducked his head.
Vecchio sighed. "I just don't want her to see what's happened to
me, all right? It's better this way. I'll go round sometime when she's
too busy to see too much."
"Like Thanksgiving? Maybe Christmas?" Ray shook his head.
"What? She's got radar? What's she gonna see?"
"Armando." The name hung between them like a curse. Vecchio
backed up a few steps and dropped into a cheap plastic chair. His hands
fiddled uncomfortably with the cue. "She'll see right through me.
She always does. I don't want her to see that."
"Oh yeah. Like she sees right through you and me and Renny and
Fraser all living in one apartment." Ray shook his head. "It'll
be okay, Vecchio."
Vecchio laughed softly, but when he spoke his voice was quietly bitter.
"One thing Ma learned from Pop was not to ask questions she doesn't
want the answer to. She won't ever ask about that, Kowalski. You can
count on it. But Armando
"
He pushed away thoughts of what sort of louse Vecchio's old man must
have been. "She's your mother, for God's sake. She knows you had
a bad time undercover. Fraser's talked to her, so has Frannie and Lt
Welsh."
"What?" Vecchio looked up at him, his face showing shock and
fear.
"Hey, don't freak out, okay? No details, just general stuff."
Ray lifted his hands warily. "Frase told me she called him at the
Consulate. He just said you had some stuff to work out."
"Oh God." Vecchio dropped his head into his hands and cursed
quietly. "When was that?"
"A few weeks back." It looked like Vecchio wasn't going to
go crazy. Ray went over and put his hand on Vecchio's shoulder. "He
convinced her to wait for you to go to her. But Frannie says she's really
worried about you."
"That's all I need
you and Benny and Frannie and Ma all talking
about me behind my back
"
"Hey! You gonna finish that game?"
Ray glared over at the owner and then around at the almost empty room.
Another pair was playing at a table down the other end of the room.
They were the only other people around. "Why? You need the table?"
The other man wiped the bar with a grubby towel. "It gets busy
later."
"I bet it does. You got a license?" He started toward the
bar, reaching for his badge, then stopped as Vecchio grabbed his arm.
"My game's off. Might as well go." Vecchio drained the last
of his drink and put the glass on the edge of the pool table. Ray followed
him out into the brightness of a late afternoon sun and they walked back
to the car in silence.
"It's nearly five." Ray took a deep breath. Maybe it was
worth a chance. "We could pick up my car, swing by the Consulate,
pick up Fraser and Renny and head out to Octavia."
"Reinforcements?" Vecchio shook his head and sighed. "Okay.
I guess I'll have to do it sometime."
"No sense in putting it off." Ray grinned, relieved that at
least one of Vecchio's hang ups was going to be dealt with. "Besides,
I guess two Mounties and a couple cops ought to be enough to handle one
Italian momma."
Vecchio laughed shakily. "Are you kidding? I thought you'd met
her."
*
Dinner had been the familiar chaos that Ben remembered from the days
before Ray had gone undercover. He'd visited a few times with Ray Kowalski,
but those meals had been comparatively subdued. Tonight Ray had borne
the full blast of the Vecchios in high spirits and had visibly reeled
under the impact. Ben smiled reminiscently.
Even Renfield had handled it better than Ray had. He and Dief had spent
most of the time before dinner playing with Maria and Tony's kids, their
friends, and a few assorted junior cousins and then he'd fallen asleep
after dinner, sitting in the big armchair with Maria's youngest crashed
out on his lap.
More importantly, Ray Vecchio had seemed to be all right. Mrs Vecchio
had refrained from asking too many questions though she'd exclaimed over
his loss of weight and then rushed into the kitchen to start the preparations
for his cure. The meal had been enormous; second and third servings
were declared mandatory, and they had almost staggered out to the lounge
to recover in front of the television. As they left, each of them was
required to kiss Mrs Vecchio on the cheek and promise to return soon,
and to look after "poor Raimundo".
'Poor Raimundo' had dozed all the way back to their apartment in the
back seat of the GTO along with an equally somnolent Renfield and a practically
comatose Diefenbaker. They all trailed up to the apartment and Ben,
for once, was thankful for the elevator.
He headed for the bedroom to change out of his uniform. Dief would need
a walk, and so did he after that meal. Renfield went into the guestroom,
no doubt on the same mission. Even his dedication to the uniform
waned somewhat after more than twelve hours of continuous wear. Perhaps
he should invite Renfield to accompany him. It was clear that the other
two were becoming closer all the time, perhaps the contentment that comes
after a truly inspired meal would aid further development of their relationship.
It wouldn't hurt to give them some privacy.
But when Ben came out of the bedroom, the guestroom door was open barely
a crack and the light was out; a sure sign that Renfield had gone to
bed. Well, that had the same result for less effort on his part. He
tried not to feel relieved. He could hear quiet voices coming from the
lounge, so he made his way cautiously to the doorway and peeked in.
The two of them were standing close together, each half turned towards
the other, their heads bowed a little as though they weren't quite ready
to meet each other's eyes. They certainly seemed remarkably comfortable,
apart from that. Ben smiled in admiration of the picture they made.
One blond and fair skinned, the other darker, with a nose of elegant
proportions and brooding green eyes. One dressed in an Italian designer
suit, the other in admittedly rather worn jeans and a casual polo shirt,
but each undoubtedly attractive. Each with his own way of moving that
was fluid and sensual, so unlike himself. He remembered with a smile
Ray Kowalski's assertion that he moved like a block of wood.
"
well, I appreciate it anyway. Thanks for talking me into
going."
"Hey, for a meal like that, I'd hog tie you and drag you over there,
Vecchio." Ray's hands were firmly shoved into his jeans pockets,
but he glanced up at the bowed head.
Ben thought he saw a glimmer of a smile. "Yeah? What makes you
think you could handle it, Kowalski?"
Ray grinned and said nothing. The silence drew out until both men were
beginning to look uncomfortable. "Maybe I'd get Fraser to help."
Ray's voice was soft. He looked at his companion and took a half step
closer.
That was definitely a smile tugging at the corners of Ray Vecchio's full
lips. His head came up too and they looked into each other's faces for
the first time since Ben had been watching. Then Ray Kowalski lifted
one arm and drew the other man into an awkward half hug. They laughed
quietly.
Ben would have tried to sneak past then, but Dief wuffed impatiently
from behind him and the two men turned towards the sound, moving apart.
He sighed and stuck his head around the door. "I'm just taking
Dief for his walk. Renfield's gone to bed. I'll, uh
see you later."
It came out rather awkwardly, and Ben tried not to flinch. His lovers
looked at him with identical expressions of affectionate amusement.
"Sure Benny. I thought I'd sleep with Renny tonight, anyway. Give
you two some time alone." Ray yawned exaggeratedly, a wicked glint
in his eyes.
So much for his hopes. Ben tried a last ditch effort. "That's
kind of you, Ray, but I'm sure
"
"Hey, I have to put up with him all day. Now yer trying to force
him on me at night too? You trying to tell me somethin'?" There
was a warning in Ray Kowalski's eyes and Ben decided to heed it. He
seemed to have very good instincts about their relationship.
"No, of course not
well, I'd better be going. I won't be
long." And in truth it would be pleasant to have a night alone
with Ray. There was a certain awkwardness about making love with one
lover while the other remained... detached. One day, soon he hoped,
the barriers would come down. Unfortunately, it seemed that it would
be some time yet before it happened.
*
Ray Kowalski lifted a fork loaded with Renny's best scrambled eggs halfway
to his mouth. "Ya know, I've been thinking and
"
"That'll be a first."
He ignored Vecchio's muttered insult. It was only what you'd expect
before he'd finished his first coffee of the day. "I was thinkin'
that I'd go see Mom and Dad this weekend. They're in Des Moines for
a couple months. God knows why." He thought about that for a moment
and shrugged. "Anyway, they're gonna head down to New Mexico for
a while after that, so
"
"That's a good idea Ray. Will you be staying with them?"
Renny smiled brightly at him.
"Hell, no." His response was instinctive. "Not if I
want to still be talking to them afterwards." He looked up from
his plate to see two pairs of wistful blue eyes watching him. He kept
forgetting how the two Canadians basically had no family. Beneath the
table another pair of eyes were fixed firmly on his fork. The similarities
were kinda frightening.
"Don't get on too well with your folks, Kowalski?" Vecchio
grinned.
"Ray." Fraser stared reprovingly at Vecchio. "Ray and
his parents have a very good relationship, I thought."
"They're okay." He shrugged. "Dad and me get on better
if we're not too close, if you know what I mean. I'll just stay in a
motel."
"Uh, Ray
would it be all right if I
" Renny blushed.
"I mean
I wouldn't want to intrude, but
"
"You wanna come with me?" Ray stared at him incredulously.
"I'll probably end up just hanging around with them. There's nothing
to do in Des Moines."
"Oh, I'm sure I'd find something to do, Ray. I just thought it
would be nice to
" Renny looked at him helplessly.
"All right." Ray pushed back his chair and carried his plate
out to the kitchen. "We'll leave after my shift ends tomorrow."
Renny followed him out. "Thank you, Ray. I won't be any trouble,
I promise."
"No problem." He studied the long face for signs of trouble
but didn't see any. "Is there some reason why you wanna get out
of town?"
"Oh! Well, I did rather have an ulterior motive, Ray." Renny
moved closer and lowered his voice. "I think Benton and Ray should
have some time alone. Don't you think they're a little
well,
irritable with each other?"
Ray shrugged. "Vecchio's always irritable. It don't mean anything."
"No." Renny looked suddenly miserable. "He's not, Ray.
Or at least he wasn't, once."
"That wasn't what I heard at the Precinct."
"But he wasn't with us
I mean with Benton and me. Not all
the time." Renny smiled mournfully. "He's never unkind to
me, but he's not happy. Not like he used to be, with Benton."
He didn't need to hear that. As much as he was getting to like Vecchio
and respect him, there were still times when he wondered just what was
going on in Fraser's head. But he trusted Renny's instincts with people
and there was no doubt that it would be nice to have a happy Vecchio
instead of a whining Vecchio.
"Well, whatever." He grinned and hugged Renny. "It'll
be fun. Just don't you tell Mom and Dad about us, okay? I don't think
they're ready to hear about the four of us."
*
"Go on, run! Whaddaya waiting for?" Kowalski Snr thumped
the arm of his chair in disgust. "He coulda stole third base, easy."
Ray just grinned. His dad always took a hands-on approach to watching
baseball, even if it was on the television and the game had in reality
finished over an hour ago. His mother, sensibly, had gone outside when
the game started.
Beside him, Renny stirred restlessly. "Well, actually sir, a strict
interpretation of the rules would
"
Ray's father turned a grouchy stare on him. "Doesn't he know anything
about baseball?"
"Oh, yes, I do Sir." Renny leaned forward eagerly. "In
fact, I played junior league
"
Ray put his hand lightly on Renny's arm. "He means
uh
"
"I mean shuddup, is what I mean."
With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Ray felt Renny's arm tense beneath
his hand and his eyes widen before they dropped to stare at the floor.
"Dad..."
But the next batter was ready at the plate and his father just waved
a hand to indicate he wanted silence. The batter struck out, much to
Kowalski Snr's disgust and the commercial break came on.
"Uh, Ray
" Renny's smile was forced. "I think I'll
just go for a little walk."
"I'll come with you." He wasn't too keen on letting Renny
wander off alone. It wasn't as if he knew this area at all.
Renny was already on his feet. "No, I'm fine. You watch the game."
He exited hurriedly as Kowalski Snr made a rude noise at some ad for
motor oil.
"Renny." Belatedly, Ray shoved himself to his feet and prepared
to follow.
"Let him go. What's the matter with the boy, anyway? Can't he
take a little ribbing?" Kowalski Snr reached for another beer.
"What do you want to be hanging around with such a pantywaist for?"
"He's not a pantywaist, all right?" Torn between defending
Renny and worrying about him, Ray hesitated in the doorway of the mobile
home. "He's had some bad stuff happen lately, that's all."
"Are you talking about your friend, Ray? He seemed a bit upset."
Mrs Kowalski craned her neck round the doorway and gave her husband a
resigned glance. "You haven't been rude to our guest have you dear?"
"I better go after him." Ray cut across his father's protests.
"Did you see which way he went?"
His mother smiled. "I told him there was a park just half a mile
down the road. I think he's gone there."
"Thanks, Mom." Ray kissed her cheek as he left.
It didn't take long to reach the park, but Renny must have walked faster.
He was already involved in a game of touch football with a gaggle of
young kids of various ages watched over by a couple of girls in their
mid teens. As Ray watched, he allowed one small girl to tackle him to
the ground, whereupon the whole group, including, Ray presumed, Renny's
own team, piled on top of him.
Ray grinned and relaxed. Renny loved kids; he'd even liked those brats
belonging to that bounty hunter woman who'd made a play for Fraser.
He'd be okay.
"Ray. Come join us." Renny got unsteadily to his feet with
three of the kids still hanging off his shoulders.
He just laughed and shook his head and wandered over to the girls.
"Hey mister, is he really a Mountie?" The prettier
one smiled up at him beguilingly.
Ray groaned inwardly, having encountered that kind of look before. "Yeah.
He sure is. And I'm a cop." He flopped down on the grass beside
them.
"Really?" The other girl looked pleased. "I told
you he was. Chrissie didn't believe him. She thought he was some child
molester or something."
"I did not!"
"Did too!"
It was the kind of exchange could go on forever. Ray interrupted during
a strategic pause. "So, these kids all yours? Your brothers and
sisters, I mean."
Chrissie rolled her eyes. "And all their friends. It's Randy's
birthday today and Lou's Mom got sick of the noise and told us to bring
'em all to the park."
Lou grimaced. "Yeah, 'cause her boyfriend came over."
Both girls pulled a face.
"Well, I'm Ray, and he's Renny." Ray gave them a friendly
grin. "Nice to meet ya."
"He told us." Chrissie cocked her head. "What kind of
name is that, anyway?"
"He's Canadian." Ray grinned at their expressions.
Both girls shrugged. "Oh."
Ray settled back to watch Renny and the kids, and to fend off the girl's
more flirtatious remarks. Eventually Renny declared the opposing team
to be the winners, with no apparent justification, and came over to join
them.
"Hey buddy, having a good time?" Ray glanced at his watch
and figured that the game would be over by now. "We'd better be
getting back."
"Oh yes." Renny smiled brilliantly, his earlier distress completely
forgotten. "Your mother promised to show me how to cook Cielerina.
And genuine Pierogy. She got the recipe from your great grandmother."
"Sounds great. Well, let's get at 'er." Ray dragged himself
to his feet. "See you later girls."
Renny scrambled up, much to the dismay of his playmates. It was only
Chrissie and Lou's insistence that it was time for them all to go home,
and Renny's farewell to each child by name, that prevented a small riot.
As they walked away, his fingers brushed against Renny's hand then grasped
it gently. "Look, don't let Dad get to you, okay? It's just the
way he is, he's not too good with words sometimes."
Renny's pace faltered a little. "All right, Ray. I'm sorry. I
didn't mean
"
"I know you didn't, buddy." He squeezed the large hand. "It's
just
well, Dad doesn't either. Not really. Just try to remember
that, okay?"
*
A quiet sigh told Ben that Ray was waking at last. He rolled onto his
side to watch, his eyes skimming over the bare skin, warmed to a golden
honey colour by the late afternoon sun. Green eyes stared back at him,
blinking drowsily. Ben leaned over for a gentle kiss.
"Damn." Ray's voice was husky. He yawned and stretched against
the sheets. "I'm sorry, Benny. I didn't mean to fall asleep."
He kissed Ray again. "I daresay you needed it
even if it
doesn't say a lot for my technique."
"There's nothing wrong with your technique, believe me." Fully
awake, Ray stretched out his arms, wrapping them around Ben's body.
"Now where were we?"
"How about we recap?" Ben's mouth closed over Ray's, warmly
inviting, and his hands began their interrupted examination of Ray's
slender, elegant body.
It was a wonderful luxury for them to be alone together for a whole weekend.
Ben didn't regret for a moment the decision he and Ray Kowalski had made
to return to Chicago, and to live here with Ray and Turnbull, but there
was no denying that moments of privacy like this were rare for all of
them. A whole two days of it had seemed an impossible dream.
And Ben was beginning to recognise that Ray was not as fully recovered
from his ordeal as he tried to pretend. He could hide that fact almost
anywhere except here, on this bed, with Ben. Like now, when every response
he made to Ben's caresses seemed just a little too
deliberate.
Ben debated for a moment and then came to a decision. Without giving
Ray any warning he rolled on top of his lover, slid a knee between his
thighs, and made it very clear what he intended to do next.
There it was. That fractional hesitation, a hint of tension in the slender
body, quickly repressed, and then Ray was arching up against him, almost
plunging himself onto Ben's cock. Carefully, Ben withdrew and moved
away a little, noting as he did the tiny flicker of relief in Ray's face.
"Something wrong, Benny?" Ray couldn't hide the tremor in
his voice.
Ben kissed him gently. "Why don't you tell me?"
For a moment Ray's eyes widened, then his eyelids dropped, casting a
veil over his thoughts. It occurred to Ben that Ray had become extremely
good at hiding his emotions while he'd been undercover. It was understandable
of course, but Ben mourned the changes in his once vocal and mercurial
lover.
"You've changed, Ray..."
He was interrupted by an ironic laugh. "Yeah, well, being undercover
will do that to ya, Benny."
"Was it being undercover, Ray? Or was it being raped that makes
you afraid of me?" He waited as Ray's lips tightened and he sat
up abruptly.
"Afraid of you, Benny?" Ray smiled suddenly. "I'm
not afraid of you. I could never be afraid of you."
The tenderness in his voice was utterly convincing. Ben sighed. "Then
what is it? There's something wrong, Ray. You can't go on hiding it.
You need to talk about it."
Ray scowled. "Oh that's great Benny. I need to talk? What
about you?"
"Me? There's nothing wrong with
" Ben's voice trailed
off before Ray could interrupt him again.
"Come on, Benny. You think I haven't noticed the way you've been
behaving? You never used to fuss like you do now. Wanting to know where
I am all the time. You think Kowalski hasn't noticed? Or Renny? Why
do ya think they went away together this weekend? It sure wasn't so
he could introduce Renny to his parents."
"I don't suppose it was." Ben hesitated. It was obvious they'd
been left here alone for a reason. He'd assumed it was because the two
of them were as concerned about Ray as he was. "Do you really think
"
"What's the one thing we haven't talked about, Benny? We've talked
about Laurier. We've talked about why I went to Florida, about being
undercover in Las Vegas. What's missing from this picture, huh?"
Ray watched him, leaning forward with his long arms encircling his raised
knees. "Say it, Benny."
"You left me." Ben clamped his lips closed again. He hadn't
intended the words to sound so
so accusatory. He thumbed his left
eyebrow absently, seeing the pain blossom in Ray's face. He said it
again, quietly. "You left me."
"Yeah. I did." Ray's hand touched his arm lightly.
Ben waited, expecting excuses, explanations, but Ray was silent. "It
wasn't even that. I could have dealt with that
have dealt with
it. But why did you do it that way? Without saying a word
without
asking me." His voice had begun to shake. "Why, Ray? If
you'd died
" he dragged in a shaking breath, "if you'd
died we would never have said goodbye."
The hand on his arm tightened a little. "Is that important, Benny?"
The words stuck in Ben's throat. He swallowed and wiped a hand across
his wet lashes. "All of them died that way
my mother, my
father
even my grandparents
they died while I was on patrol,
within a few days of each other. I didn't find out until a week later
when I got back. I never had a chance to say goodbye to any of them."
Suddenly Ray was at his side, arms reaching for him, and he leaned against
that bony shoulder and shook with the pain of years of denial. He was
only dimly aware of Ray's voice, quiet and comforting, and of Ray's fingers
stroking the back of his neck.
Brief as it was, the emotional release left him exhausted. He stayed,
unmoving, in Ray's arms as seconds passed into minutes. A lot of minutes,
before Ray sighed and finally started to talk.
"I shoulda told you, Benny. I know I shoulda
I just couldn't."
Ray pulled him down so they were lying side by side in the sunlight.
"They told me I wasn't allowed to tell anybody, but I coulda found
a way. It was just
you know, one minute I'm at my desk and the
next I'm in Welsh's office and I'm looking at this picture of me. Only
it wasn't me, just this guy who looks so much like me that even Ma woulda
been fooled."
Ben lifted his head to look into Ray's face. Even now, after so long,
he was clearly disturbed by the memories. "It must have been very
disconcerting for you, Ray. I can understand that it would be."
"Benny, you've got no idea
" Ray laughed shortly. It
wasn't a pleasant sound. "Anyway, I'm looking at this guy and the
Feds are telling me about him. Bad stuff, Benny. Real bad stuff. And
somehow it's like it was me who'd done all that stuff. That's how I
felt."
"But Ray
"
"I know, I know
it doesn't make any sense, but that's how
I felt, okay?" Ray's arms tightened a little, perhaps to make up
for the sharpness in his voice. "One of those guys, I think he
was a Catholic, 'cause he must've picked up on it. Next thing I know
he's playing me for all it's worth. The biggest damn guilt trip since
the time I confessed to Father Tomasso that I'd started masturbating."
"Ray, surely
" Ben pushed himself up on one elbow and
stared down at Ray, "
surely you didn't agree to go undercover
because of that?"
"Because of Catholic guilt?" Ray shrugged. "I dunno.
It wasn't like I figured it out at the time, Benny. That came later.
At the time I felt
weird
like I was responsible. Or at least
like I had to do something about it." He smiled weakly. "Think
about it Benny. There was this guy with my face, and he'd done all this
stuff and it was like only I could do something to put it right again.
That's what they're telling me
and I felt
like I was drugged,
or something. Disoriented. None of it felt real. Not for a long time.
Believe me, if I'd been thinking straight I never would've taken the
job. I ain't no hero like you are."
"I wish you wouldn't
" Ben bit his lip, regretting
the sharpness of his words. "I'm sorry. But I'm not a hero, Ray."
"Yeah, sure." Ray leaned up to kiss him. "You would
have gone, if you'd been in my place. You know you would."
He had to admit the truth of that. "It would have been my duty,
I suppose."
"But you would have said goodbye." Ray stroked his
cheek. "I'm sorry, love. If I'd known it was that important
to you, maybe I could've made myself do it. I felt so weird. I can't
even try to explain
I didn't want to talk to you feeling that way.
I didn't even tell Renny goodbye; just wrote him a note asking him to
look after the apartment for me."
He didn't understand, but it was obvious that, for Ray, what he described
was still all too real, and difficult for him to deal with even now.
Ben lowered himself into Ray's arms again with a sigh. And then he realised
that Ray had very effectively diverted the conversation away from the
original topic of discussion. He sat up again. "So what is it
that you're afraid of, Ray? You are afraid of something."
"Benny
"
He could hear exasperation, amusement in Ray's voice. And fear, he thought.
"I need to know, Ray. If you're not afraid of me, or of sex
"
he let the question hang unspoken.
"Oh, I'm scared of sex all right
" Ray shivered suddenly.
"Not of you, though. It's Armando."
It always disturbed Ben to hear Ray refer to his alter ego in this way,
as though he was a real person. Clearly, to Ray, he was. "Armando
can't hurt you Ray. He's gone, done with."
"Is he?" Ray's voice was sceptical. "I wouldn't be so
sure if I was you, Benny. Anyway, I didn't mean he'd hurt me. I'm scared
he'll hurt you."
"Ray, that makes no sense." His objection was instinctive.
"How could
"
"Benny, you don't know what he was like. Him and Laurier, they
were two of a kind." Ray swallowed audibly. "A guy like you
decent, honest, caring
Armando would
he'd see that as weakness.
He'd rip you apart just for the Hell of it. He'd tear out your heart
and eat it for breakfast. If he wasn't hurting someone he wasn't having
fun."
"But you're not Armando, you're Ray Vecchio. You're
"
"I'm Armando too. A part of me is. Maybe always will be, now,
Benny." Ray took Ben's face between his hands. "And when
we make love, he's there. Waiting." Pain darkened the green eyes
and his voice dropped to a whisper. "If I lost control
it
would be so easy to lose control, Benny."
"You would never hurt me, Ray. Not like that." Ben looked
at Ray's unmoved face and realised that what he'd said had no meaning
to his lover. "You'd never allow Armando to hurt me either. I
know that as surely as I know that the sun will rise in the west tomorrow."
A faint smile creased the corners of Ray's mouth. "Don't you mean
east, Benny?"
"My mistake." He smiled with pleasure at the lightening of
Ray's expression. "I mean it, Ray. In control or not, you would
never harm me."
A tiny shrug and the fading of Ray's smile were all the response he got.
It was painful to see the changes in his lover. Worse to know he could
do little about it. Nothing he said seemed to help. Ray loved him;
he ought to be able to do something, but Ray eluded him at every turn.
Sometimes it felt like he was living with a stranger.
Ben leaned over and kissed Ray gently. If talking couldn't help, perhaps
action would be more effective. He felt desperate with the need to heal
their relationship and he'd begun to realise that Ray would never be
able to cope with the others if the two of them couldn't work this out
together.
Ray gradually relaxed against him when Ben showed no sign of wanting
to do more than kiss. If he took things slowly
and, of course,
he was always happy to kiss Ray. He began a slow courtship, brushing
his tongue over already parted lips, ignoring their invitation. He kissed
the corner of that mobile, generous smile and sucked briefly on the full
lower lip. Ray sighed quietly, moving restlessly against him as if he
already needed more.
But it was a long time before Ben offered any more. Even when he began
to explore the warm depths of Ray's mouth, he kept it light, almost teasing.
A quiet moan rumbled through Ray's chest and Ben laid his hand there
to feel the vibration of it in his own flesh.
"Benny
" Ray groaned out his name, breathless and needy,
and Ben smiled.
A quick glance downwards revealed Ray's swollen cock moving restlessly
on his flat belly. He brushed his fingertips against Ray's cheek. "It's
all right, Ray. Trust me."
Ray smiled up at him, his eyes heavy-lidded and drowsy but with a gleam
of arousal in their depths. "Sure Benny."
"Good." He bent his head over Ray's throat, licking and kissing
the tender skin. He could feel the throb of Ray's heartbeat echoing
beneath the skin, could taste the salty tang of his sweat and the slightly
metallic residue of his aftershave. He held his body carefully poised
above Ray's, touching him only with his lips.
Years of self-denial, before he met Ray, had taught him self-control.
Right now he needed that more than he ever had in his life. He ached
to press himself against Ray's body, to enter it and take comfort from
it. Ray would never dream of denying him, that much he'd learned, but
it would change nothing. And more than he needed to make love to Ray,
Ben needed to heal the fear that was keeping them apart in every way
that mattered.
With infinite care, Ben made his way down the side of Ray's throat, over
his shoulder, teasing at the fine, sensitive skin. Even the occasional
nip was so light, so delicate a touch that he knew it would leave no
mark later. Ray's hands came up to cup his head, trying to urge him
onwards, but Ben refused to be hurried. It seemed to take forever to
reach the dark crinkled aureole with its tight peak, but finally Ben
took it into his mouth, flickering his tongue over the tip.
"Oh God
Benny
" Ray reached for him, hands stroking
his side, moving rapidly downwards. He caught them in a gentle grasp.
"Let me do this Ray. Please." His voice was an urgent whisper.
He waited until Ray stilled compliantly, then held his wrists down against
the mattress, careful to allow Ray the option to break free. But Ray
accepted his move with no hint of concern.
Ben teased at the sensitive tip of the nipple, alternately sucking and
flicking it with his tongue until Ray was arching his back, lifting against
his lips. Ray's breath was coming fast and unsteady now, but that was
what he wanted. He shifted his attentions to the other nipple and began
all over again. The wiry muscles under his hands tightened as Ray's
fingers clenched into fists but still Ray made no move to free himself.
It was frightening to have Ray place so much trust in him. Ben felt
his heart begin to pound and tremors start in his arms. He released
Ray's wrists and began to stroke the long slender body with light, tantalising
touches. Ray responded rather like a large cat, instinctively demanding
more as a groan rumbled through his chest.
"Benny
" Ray's voice was gruff with the intensity of his
need. "God
Benny
"
"Shh, Ray. Trust me." Ben kept his voice to a soothing murmur.
He thrust away all his doubts about what he was doing. For Ray's sake
and his own, it was imperative that something be done.
Slowly, Ben caressed and kissed his way over every intimately familiar
curve and plane of the body he loved so much. Even though he'd released
Ray, the long fingers remained clenched in the bed covers, obedient to
his demands.
The scent of Ray's arousal beat at Ben's senses, threatening to overwhelm
his own control and he wondered briefly at Ray's ability to hold back
when everything about him cried out his need for release. The degree
of tension in the wiry body was alarming, but Ben had come too far to
stop now. His tongue rasped softly along the crease of Ray's groin as
Ben tickled the inside of his thigh, tugged gently at his balls.
Ray shifted restlessly against each point of contact between them as
his iron control began to slip. Ben folded first one leg then the other
back over Ray's body. A quick glance up at his lover's face showed the
first signs of fear. Ray wet his lips nervously, his eyes pleading.
Not without internal misgivings, Ben lowered his head to suck lightly
on the tightly drawn up balls.
"Oh God!" Ray's body jerked uncontrollably. He dragged
in a strangled breath. "Benny, please."
He almost gave in then, but the suspicion that he had already taken this
too far to give up gave Ben the determination he needed to continue.
"Soon, Ray. Please
" he almost choked on the word. "Please
trust me, love." How many times had he said that now, knowing that
he fully intended to betray that trust? He only hoped that Ray would
be able to forgive him.
His tongue trailed a lazy path from the base of Ray's balls down to his
anus and back again. It was becoming difficult for him to hold back
now, and Ray was twitching with the effort of restraining himself. He
probed the puckered ring of flesh, feeling it loosen reflexively at his
touch. An almost despairing cry burst from Ray, followed by a weak keening
sound that sent chills through him.
Whether it was enough or not, Ben knew he couldn't continue to torment
Ray like this. He sat up, reaching for the condoms on the bedside table.
Ray's eyes, showing real fear now, followed his every move. They closed
as Ben eased the tip of his cock into the now relaxed anus and pressed
home. A long, breathless moment later Ben lowered himself across Ray's
body and took his face between trembling hands.
Moisture spiked the long dark lashes that remained firmly closed against
him, and he bent his head to kiss it away. Ray's lips were clamped shut
as though he could somehow contain the pressure building inside him.
But there was nowhere to go but forwards, now, and Ben fully intended
to ensure that they went on together.
He began to thrust with long slow strokes, quickly building to a driving
rhythm that rocked both their bodies, forcing quiet little grunts out
of him. Ray didn't make a sound. Each brush of his cock against Ray's
prostate was reflected on the shuttered face below him, but that was
the only sign that Ray was aware of anything at all. Ben knew, or thought
he did, that compared to some of Ray's experiences with Laurier, this
was rather tame, but he couldn't bring himself to use Ray the way Laurier
had, no matter how good his intentions were. He would just have to hope
that this would be enough.
It began to seem as thought Ray's unyielding control could withstand
even this, until a quiet gasp escaped Ray's lips. His eyes opened reluctantly,
and his face showed the thin edge of panic. From there his control rapidly
disintegrated. His fists unclenched long enough for him to reach up
and grab two handfuls of Ben's hair, forcing his head down onto Ray's
shoulder. The wiry body jerked helplessly, bucking almost hard enough
to send Ben flying. Only Ray's long legs wrapped around his hips held
Ben in place. A long wailing cry shattered the silent intensity of the
room.
Ben felt the wet heat of Ray's climax scalding his skin and the fierce
contraction of his rectal muscles, sending his own senses reeling into
overload. He held on desperately to his consciousness through a soul
shattering orgasm, knowing that he had to be ready for whatever Ray would
need when this was over. He didn't quite manage it. There were a few
seconds of disintegration and then he roused to the sound of quiet, desolate
sobs.
Hurriedly, Ben withdrew from Ray, and dealt with the spent condom, then
took his unresisting lover into his arms. Ray made no attempt to escape
and for even that small measure of trust, Ben was grateful. He rocked
the slender body gently, stroking his hair and brushing kisses against
Ray's temple. Eventually the sobs died away and they lay in silence.
Ben was sure that Ray was still awake, but he didn't speak. In retrospect,
what he had done was terrifying. He'd been absolutely sure that Ray
was mistaken about the danger, but after seeing Ray's reactions, he was
no longer so confident. It seemed that Ray was all right, albeit badly
shaken, but who knew what emotional damage had been done to an already
fragile mind? What he had just done had not been so different from the
rape Laurier had inflicted on Ray.
When he could bear the silence no longer, Ben gently touched Ray's arm.
"Ray? Ray, please
can you talk to me?"
A quiet sigh was his only answer at first, then Ray stirred sluggishly
in his arms. "Benny
"
"I'm here, love." Ben's arm tightened across Ray's back for
a moment. "I'm sorry
I wanted to show you that it would be
all right. I shouldn't have forced you to
to
" he broke
off, biting his lip and fighting back tears of his own. "Are you
can you forgive me?"
Ray moaned softly, his body tensing, then pushed himself up to look at
Ben. His eyes, reddened and watery, searched Ben's face. "You
were right, Benny." He managed a weak smile. It faded rapidly
and he sighed. "I can't
I'm too tired
" he collapsed
back onto Ben's chest and nuzzled his shoulder wearily. "Later,
huh? We'll talk later. Just hold me."
There was nothing in the world he'd rather do right now than hold his
lover. Ben drew Ray closer still and closed his eyes with a sigh.
*
Something woke him, he wasn't sure what. In the next bed Renny was
sleeping quietly, so it couldn't have been him. Ray pushed himself up
onto one elbow and studied the sleeping face. The evening had gone better
than he'd expected, but Renny had still been awkward and inclined to
retreat whenever Ray's father had got a bit gruff. It wouldn't have
surprised Ray if Renny had had nightmares, as he often did after a setback.
Renny's eyes opened. They stared at each other for a moment, then Ray
smiled. "Hey, buddy. You want to come on over?"
A matching smile broke out on Renny's face and he sat up. Ray shifted
over to make room for him. The motel had double beds so there was plenty
of space. They settled down together with Renny's head on his shoulder.
"You okay?" Ray inhaled the fresh clean scent of soap and
shampoo. "You know, we could leave early tomorrow if you want.
I could say I got called back, or something."
"No, I'm all right, thank you, Ray." Renny's fingers stroked
his ribs absently. "I'm just not used to your father's ways."
Ray laughed. "I think Mom told him off while we were at the park.
You like her, don't you?"
"Oh yes, Ray. She reminds me
" Renny's breath caught
suddenly and his fingers stilled for a moment. "I like her a lot."
Warning bells went off in his head, but Ray waited to see if Renny was
going to continue. When he didn't, Ray ventured a cautious observation.
"You don't talk much about your folks." In fact, he didn't
remember Renny ever mentioning his parents.
"I haven't seen them in years, Ray." A quiet sigh followed
the words. "They didn't take very well to having a gay son. I
suppose being adopted made it easier for them to
to close me out
of their lives."
Ray suppressed the urge to curse. He wasn't at all sure how his parents
would react to that kind of news either and wasn't eager to find out,
but that anyone could disown a guy like Renny just seemed so incredibly
cruel to him. "It's their loss, buddy. I reckon you'd make a better
son than most. Better than me anyway."
"Oh Ray, that's just not true. Your parents are very proud of you."
Renny hugged him awkwardly. "And they have every right to be."
"Yeah, well let's not get into that mutual admiration thing, okay?"
Ray grinned in the semi dark. "I'll get a swelled head."
"All right, Ray." Renny lifted his head to stare into Ray's
face. "Are you all right now?"
A tiny laugh escaped him. Trust Renny to worry about his feelings.
"Sure." He stroked the pale glimmer of cheek. "You okay
too?"
Renny nodded and smiled happily. Then he lowered his head so they could
kiss. Ray loved Renny's kisses and Renny loved to kiss and to touch.
It was just the way he was made, that was all. After several long minutes,
Ray repeated that fact to himself over and over in his head. It didn't
stop his cock from swelling expectantly, but it did stop him from doing
anything stupid, like trying to take it further.
Amazingly, it was Renny who did that, letting his fingers drift down
Ray's side to his hip and then his thigh. He'd never done that since
they'd all come back to Chicago and even though he'd come a long way
in his recovery, Ray wasn't ready, yet, to take any chances with him.
So he lay still and waited, and eventually it happened. An electric
brush of hesitant fingertips against his cock. A soft gasp from Renny.
A brief withdrawal. He could almost feel Renny's hand hovering above
his cock, then it was back. Ray bit his lip to stifle a groan.
"Is this all right, Ray?" Renny was watching him earnestly.
Ray lifted his head to steal another kiss. "Oh yeah. This is very
all right, buddy."
Reassured, Renny lowered his head over Ray's chest and began to suck
delicately at his nipple. His fingers traced the lengthening shaft,
stroking gently. Ray shivered and ran his hand over the short sandy
hair, wondering if Renny expected, or even wanted him to reciprocate.
This wasn't like his normal lovemaking, more like the playing that had
been all he'd wanted ever since the rape. Except that now he'd taken
it to a whole new level. Even so, Ray was pretty sure that sex wasn't
really on Renny's mind.
The slow, gentle fondling continued, moving from his cock to his balls
and back again, and sending a delicious ache through Ray's body. It
would have to end soon though, as his cock began to stiffen and become
erect. He laid a hand over Renny's and lifted it gently away.
"I think we oughta stop now, buddy." Hearing the hoarseness
in his voice, Ray swallowed to ease his throat's constriction. "We
don't wanna get in too deep."
"But Ray, don't you want to
" Renny's face seemed to crumple
in confusion. "I thought
"
"Hey
" he reached up to touch Renny's cheek. "I
was just thinking of you, buddy. If you're okay with it, then it's fine
with me." He just hoped that, if Renny started to freak out, he'd
retain enough self-control to deal with it.
"Oh!" Renny's face cleared almost magically. "You take
such good care of me Ray. I'm sorry to be such a trouble
"
Ray laid his fingers across Renny's mouth. "Don't you say another
word, okay?"
"All right." A sunny smile revealed a gleam of teeth in the
dimness. Renny settled back into his arms for a long kiss.
Now that he'd given his body the go ahead, so to speak, Ray's arousal
seemed to increase exponentially with each touch. In seconds his cock
had lifted eagerly into Renny's waiting fingers. Unconsciously, he began
to rock his hips in counterpoint to the stroking of his cock. Renny's
touch was still unnaturally gentle, but it didn't matter. All the sensation
in his body seemed to pool in his groin for a moment and then flow outward
again in a glorious rush. As their lips parted Ray gave a soft, satisfied
groan.
They lay in silence for a while as the hammering in Ray's chest slowed
to something near normal. Renny was lying in his arms again, his breathing
as quiet as if they'd gone for a stroll in the park. And something moved
against his thigh. He hugged Renny tightly. "You want me to take
care of that, buddy?"
"Oh!" Renny sounded surprised. "Well
I don't know
"
Ray retreated hurriedly. "It's okay, if you don't want me to.
I don't mind, ya know? It's just an offer, that's all." He slid
free of Renny's loose embrace so he could look into the long face. Renny
didn't seem all that upset.
"I just don't know
I don't think I can
" Renny stopped,
looking helpless, and Ray's heart melted. He never could resist that
look of adorable confusion.
"Well, I'm okay with that, if it don't bother you." Ray stroked
his face, kissed him on the lips. And hoped. Suddenly he wanted very
badly for Renny to trust him with this.
"I think
yes, I'd like that, Ray." Renny nodded decisively.
"Please."
He sounded like a kid asking for a cookie. "Okay. I'm gonna turn
the light on. Is that okay with you?"
"Yes, Ray." Renny smiled trustingly at him.
Ray reached for the wall light, turning it on and setting the dimmer
to its lowest setting. He just wanted to be sure he'd see it if Renny
started having second thoughts.
He started slowly, leaning down to snatch little kisses while his fingers
toyed with the short scattered hairs on Renny's chest. That seemed to
go down pretty well and he brushed against the pale nipples, drawing
a soft "oh!" from his lover. "That good, buddy?"
Renny nodded emphatically and smiled again.
Ray kissed one nipple, then the other, feeling the heart beneath it beating
strongly against his lips. His hand slid down the solid abdominal muscles,
across the flat belly and came to rest over Renny's swollen cock. Big
as he was, it was nowhere near being erect but Ray had pretty much expected
that. It still felt good to touch him there and judging by his reactions,
Renny was enjoying it too.
Just take it easy and keep watch for any sign that Renny was getting
worried, Ray told himself. Don't expect too much. And in fact it was
surprisingly easy to drift, watching Renny's face respond to his caresses.
"Oh! Oh, Ray
" Renny's hand slid under the blanket and
joined his. "That feels so good."
"Yeah
" Ray shifted the covers aside and looked at their
hands moving, fingers linked, over the thick curve of Renny's cock lying
against his thigh. "You're so beautiful, baby."
"Am I? Oh
" Renny's head fell back and his hand slid
away to rest on his thigh. "Ray
"
There was nothing but pleasure in his face. Ray checked once more, then
turned his attention to the beauty before him. Renny's cock was swollen
almost to its fullest, but was showing no signs of hardening. It lay
heavily against his thigh, shifting slightly as the muscles stirred.
The cockhead was gleaming softly in the dim glow of the lamp and Ray
carefully spread the few precious drops of precum over the entire surface.
He wondered how Renny would feel being kissed and sucked and decided
not to risk it. This was already far more than he'd expected to happen
and he didn't want to break into Renny's dazed pleasure to ask. His
fingers slid down the shaft and cupped his balls for a moment, but when
Renny moved restlessly, he went back to his stroking.
Gradually the big body relaxed against his and Renny sighed quietly.
It was some time before Ray realised that his breathing had slowed into
sleep. Even though it had been obvious for a while that Renny wasn't
going to climax, Ray was still reluctant to stop. It had just felt so
good to touch him like this again. And it had felt good to know that
Renny trusted him with his body, after all that had happened to him.
It was humbling. Frightening, when he thought too much about it.
Ray kissed Renny's parted lips and received a soft snore as his reward.
He grinned and pulled the covers up over them both, then turned off the
light. He lay down and snuggled up close to the warm bulk beside him,
knowing that when he woke in the morning Renny would be lying in his
arms with his head resting comfortably on Ray's shoulder.
*
"You did what?" Ray stared at his partner in bewildered
fury. "Are you out of your fucking mind?" He turned
away from Kowalski before he could physically attack the hormonally over-charged,
fuck-anything-that-moves, sex-crazed deviant. "I shoulda known
better than to let you have him to yourself. Can't you keep your dick
in your pants for one fucking weekend?"
"Hey! He wanted it, okay?" Kowalski's voice rose sharply.
"He started it, not me."
That did it. Ray had the smaller man shoved up against the wall, one
hand drawn back to punch his lights out, before he was even aware of
moving. "Sure. You would say that. Just like every fucking
child molester in the world. Be original, at least."
Kowalski's face, pale until now, suddenly flushed bright red and his
eyes narrowed dangerously. "Don't you ever call me a child
molester." Belatedly, his hands came up, bunched into fists. "I've
taken a lot of shit from you because I don't wanna hurt Fraser or Renny,
but I won't take that."
They stayed like that for a moment. Suddenly Ray was painfully aware
that he'd crossed a line he never should have even been near. With an
effort that hurt he released Kowalski and stepped away. "I'm sorry.
I was outta line."
"Way outta line." Kowalski tugged his T-shirt back
into a slightly less creased state. They eyed each other warily.
"I'm sorry." Saying the words again didn't seem to make it
any better. Ray dropped onto the couch and put his head in his hands,
feeling lousy.
It seemed like a long time before Kowalski joined him on the couch.
"Look, I know you only said it 'cause you're worried about Renny
but he's okay. Honestly. I thought you'd be glad about it."
"He's not ready for sex." Ray looked up into Kowalski's delicate
features and tried not to get angry all over again. "If you had
any idea
"
"I've got an idea. You think this is the first time I've dealt
with a rape victim?" Kowalski managed a weak smile. "You
know, you don't have to be the one to do it all. Renny thought
he was ready. And anyway, it wasn't sex. Just
touching. That's
all. He's fine."
Ray's hands started to shake, and he got up and walked over to the window,
ramming his fists into his pants pockets. For the first time he almost
wished he could feel Armando, but the rage that coursed through
him was all his own. He knew he was dead wrong, but that didn't stop
him wanting to beat Kowalski senseless. So he stared out the window,
clenched his teeth until his jaw ached, and fought for control.
"Are you okay?" It was Kowalski, too close behind him.
He stifled the urge to turn and plant a fist into that pretty face.
"Just back off, okay? Leave me alone."
"A'right
I'll go make some coffee or somethin', okay? Just
take it easy."
"Sure." If only he could.
*
Today had been a good day at the Consulate, one of the best days for
a long time. He'd managed to get through the whole shift without annoying
Inspector Thatcher, something of a rarity lately, as she hastily wrapped
up her tenure there in preparation for her return to Ottawa and some
top secret assignment she was refusing to discuss.
Even Benton had been more than usually mellow and it had been easy to
keep him that way. They'd exchanged a few pleasantries, rather awkwardly
because even now neither of them was accustomed to such things. Benton
was making an effort to be friendlier lately and Renny couldn't help
responding, even though his infatuation with his superior had faded to
a quiet murmur. Still, it was nice to know that he was appreciated a
little more these days.
Renny walked briskly, enjoying the cooler weather. It had taken some
time for him to feel safe on the streets and Ray had driven him to and
from the Consulate every day at first. Then when Benton had returned
to Chicago they'd walked together. But tonight Benton had decided that
he needed to finish some paperwork and did not require his assistance,
and Renny was glad of the opportunity to stretch his legs in solitude.
His sense of wellbeing disappeared as soon as he entered the apartment.
The atmosphere was thick with tension. Ray Kowalski was alone in the
lounge sitting on the couch looking both worried and annoyed. Even though
Ray Vecchio was nowhere in view, Renny had no doubt that he must somewhere
near by; only Ray could have this effect on his partner.
"What's wrong, Ray?" Renny sat beside his lover.
Ray shrugged. "It's Vecchio." There was a long pause while
Ray rubbed his face, then he continued. "Uh
I told him about
the other night. About us. He went crazy."
"Where is he?" In spite of his concern for Ray, Renny's immediate
worry had to be for Ray Vecchio. He'd hoped so much that this weekend
alone with Fraser would have helped Ray. Yet it seemed that he was still
as fragile as ever. "Where is he? Perhaps I should talk to him."
"I dunno
" Ray looked up at him doubtfully. "He's
pretty out of it. Maybe you should leave him for a while."
"Ray, I have to see him. Is he in the bedroom?" That was
where he usually went when things got too much for him. Getting a nod
of confirmation from Ray, Renny smiled weakly and went in search of his
other Ray.
He found Ray in the smaller bedroom, standing at the window with his
hands in his pockets. The lines of his body betrayed a degree of disquiet
that set off alarms in Renny's mind. He needed to do something, but
what? Renny wished that he was better with words, but he wasn't; still,
he had to try.
It was obvious that Ray had heard him come in, but the other man didn't
turn, or acknowledge his presence in any way. Renny swallowed nervously,
afraid not of Ray, but of his own inadequacy to help. They both stood
in silence for a while until Ray finally turned to face him.
Ray's eyes travelled over him, lingering on his face at the last. "Are
you okay?"
There was a great deal of stress in the quiet voice. Renny took a step
closer. "Oh yes. Please don't be upset with Ray. He would never
do anything to hurt me."
"I just
" Ray half turned away again as his voice broke.
The tension he obviously felt was evident in his shoulders and arms.
"I'm glad it's okay, all right? I'm sorry
I shouldn't have
said what I did."
He wasn't about to ask what had been said. Renny went over to Ray and
put his arms around him, letting him feel with his body that everything
was all right. With a quiet sigh Ray relaxed a little against him and
then put his arms lightly around Renny's waist. Renny lowered his head
so their cheeks touched lightly.
"Ray, it wasn't your fault." The words came out of nowhere
and yet the moment they left his mouth Renny knew they needed to be said.
"None of it was your fault."
Ray didn't even pretend not to know what he meant. Another sigh fanned
warm air against his face. "Renny, Laurier came to Chicago because
of me. I knew he'd come. I shoulda warned you to stay away."
"You couldn't have done that without telling me why." He tightened
his arms around Ray. "I understand that. I understand why you
didn't want me to know about him. You did what you thought was best,
Ray. You couldn't do any more than that."
"It wasn't enough!" The cry seemed to be torn out of
him.
Renny shook his head. "It was all you could do. It wasn't your
fault."
"Renny
" it sounded like Ray was crying. "You shouldn't
have had to go through that. Not you."
"No one should, Ray." Renny kissed Ray's cheek gently. "If
I had been more careful, you would never have had to rescue me. You
would never have been raped, either."
Ray's head came up sharply. "That was not your fault!"
Renny shook his head silently. He wasn't going to argue about it; he
could never win an argument with Ray anyway; but he held the gaze until
he could no longer bear to see the pain in Ray's eyes.
Ray moved away then; and though it hurt more than he could ever have
imagined, Renny let him go. Ray drifted back towards the window and
stood staring out of it again. Finally, when it felt like something
inside him might snap, Renny went over and once again put his arms around
his lover from behind.
"What are we going to do, Renny?" Ray's voice was hoarse.
"Sometimes it feels like it's never going to end."
Once again, words failed him. Renny lowered his head and nuzzled the
nape of Ray's neck. It felt good, so he kissed the warm skin softly.
Ray relaxed a fraction, angling his head to make it a little easier for
him. This was comfortable ground for them both. Renny had always liked
to touch and kiss, and Ray had never refused him, even in those first,
terrible days after the rape.
The weather was still warm enough that Ray was wearing one of the silk
shirts that suited him so well. Renny found his hands drifting over
the sensuous surface, stopping occasionally to cradle the warm hard muscle
beneath against his palm. Soon Ray moaned softly and turned to face
him so their mouths could meet. They stood pressed together in the last
warm rays of early evening sun and let it flow over them like honey.
Soon Ray moved restlessly in his arms, getting ready to withdraw, but
Renny clasped him a little more firmly. "Don't go, Ray, please."
His heart began to beat faster, his skin to prickle with excitement and
nerves. "Don't go."
Ray gasped faintly, then stilled. "Renny, are you
" his
voice trailed off and his eyes widened. He lifted a hand to stroke Renny's
cheek. "What do you want?"
"It was always going to be you, Ray. It could never be anybody
but you. Don't you know that?" Renny began to tremble. He hadn't
expected it to be now, today; but now that it had happened, he was absolutely
sure that it was right. "Please, Ray."
Ray stroked his cheek and it was all Renny could do to remain still,
looking Ray in the face and trying to convey his certainty to the other
man. Ray's green eyes were troubled, but after a moment he nodded.
"If you're sure."
A rush of emotion almost overset his self-control, but he managed to
blink back tears and smile radiantly. "I'm sure Ray."
Ray's eyes dropped to Renny's Sam Browne belt and lanyard and one corner
of his mouth quirked upwards. "It's a damn miracle you don't get
heat stroke in that outfit." His fingers were already working with
skilled familiarity, unfastening the belt. Renny ducked his head to
allow Ray to remove the lanyard.
Since it seemed to be what Ray wanted, Renny allowed his lover to unbutton
the tunic and slide his hands over the regulation white T-shirt beneath.
It always felt good to be touched by Ray, but for the first time since
Ray had returned to Chicago, his touch was deliberately sensual. Far
more so than Ray Kowalski's had been on Saturday night. He supposed
it was intentional, giving him the chance to back out before things had
gone too far. Except that he had no intention of backing out.
A gentle touch on his nipples sent a thrill of pleasure through Renny's
body and he swayed towards Ray instinctively. The long hands steadied
him, but Renny leaned forward and captured Ray's mouth in a deep, searching
kiss. They were both breathless when it ended.
Ray nodded thoughtfully, as though he'd found the answer to whatever
doubts had been in his mind. "Okay." He slid the tunic off
Renny's shoulders and let it fall to the floor.
Ordinarily Renny would have protested such carelessness with his uniform,
but now was not the time for that. He focussed all of his attention
on Ray's sensual lips, watching as they curved into a tiny smile. The
braces were slipped off his shoulders and his T-shirt pulled slowly out
of his jodhpurs and over his head. Then Ray's long fingers slid over
his skin leaving tremors in their wake.
He'd always thought that Ray had the most beautiful hands he'd ever seen.
They felt so very good touching him, gentle and comforting. Even when
he'd been sick with terror after one of his nightmares, those hands had
held the power to soothe him and they didn't fail him now. Renny leaned
into their caress and kissed Ray's lips, parting them with his tongue.
"Renny
" Ray's sigh sent a warm Ray-scented gust of breath
into his mouth. Renny breathed it into his lungs, absorbing it into
his body with a sense of surrender. "What do you want me to do?"
There wasn't the slightest doubt in his mind about that. "I want
you to fuck me." He felt the truth of it flood through his body.
His anus pulsed softly in anticipation.
Not much to his surprise, Ray drew back, his face troubled one more.
"Are you sure about that?"
"Very sure, Ray." He kissed the slackened lips tenderly.
"It's all right. I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't."
Ray's fingers brushed over his chest, ruffling the short hairs and Renny
relaxed with a little sigh of pleasure. He'd expected to have an argument
on his hands, but it seemed as though Ray had accepted his request.
A tiny moan built in his chest and was released as a feather light caress
teased his left nipple to hardness.
He was peripherally aware that Ray was still rather detached, watching
his responses and waiting for any adverse reaction. He wasn't worried
about that. The more Ray touched him, the more that touch sent delicate
tendrils of pleasure creeping through his body. He began to slip the
buttons free on Ray's shirt and when they were undone he slid his hands
inside, rubbing his palms over the silky furriness between Ray's nipples.
The shirt was shrugged off and Ray came into Renny's arms. The scent
of Ray's cologne, the feel of his skin was so sweetly familiar
comfortable and safe. Ray's tongue slipped into his mouth and he welcomed
it eagerly. His hands brushed lightly over Ray's back down to his buttocks,
drawing their hips together. Ray was becoming aroused. Renny felt the
hardness of his erection with a thrill of pleasure.
He backed up towards the bed, drawing Ray with him then sat on the edge,
guiding Ray to stand between his spread legs. Renny buried his face against
Ray's stomach and heard his quiet groan. Then Ray's long fingers stroked
gently through his hair. He kissed the flat belly, his tongue investigating
the shallow bowl of Ray's navel, teasing the wiry hairs that grew around
it.
"Mmn
nice, Renny." Ray's body almost vibrated with pleasure.
He cupped one hand against Renny's cheek, holding him close. "You
still okay?"
Instead of answering with words Renny fumbled for the zipper of Ray's
pants. Ray made no move, either to stop him or to help. Renny's hands
were trembling quite badly, but he managed to wrestle Ray's belt buckle
free and loosen the pants so they could fall to the floor. Ray was wearing
silk boxers. He almost always did, and Renny smiled at some of the memories
that flashed into his head. A quick flick of his thumb loosed the button
and the boxers dropped to join the pants around Ray's ankles.
Ray wasn't completely hard, but he was close. Heat radiated against
Renny's cheek as he began kissing the slightly sweaty skin of Ray's belly.
After a moment he brought his hand up to touch the velvety skin of the
shaft, cradling it against his cheek, then turned his head a little and
touched his lips to the surface. Ray shivered.
It was almost like a dream, one he hadn't had in far too long. Slowly
he kissed his way to the slick cockhead and took it into his mouth without
the slightest hesitation. The wonderful taste of Ray flooded his mouth
and made his head reel. Renny sucked gently, taking the cock a little
deeper.
Ray was absolutely still; even his hands did no more than rest lightly
on Renny's shoulder and head. Small, steady tremors ran through his
slender body and his breathing was now plainly audible.
"Renny
not too fast, huh?" He stepped back and kicked
off his shoes, pants and underwear. The black silk socks followed rapidly
after, then Ray knelt before his lover. "How about we even things
up a bit?"
Renny had no objection to Ray unlacing and removing his boots, or removing
his jodhpurs and shorts, for that matter. When it was done he slid back
onto the bed and waited for Ray to stretch out alongside him. They lay
in a loose embrace, kissing lazily and exchanging gentle caresses while
Ray became more and more aroused, and Renny didn't. At least not physically
aroused. It was still wonderful.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Ray leaned up on one
elbow and stared down into Renny's face with a hint of anxiety in his
eyes.
Renny smiled up at him. "I'm sure Ray. Don't worry about this."
He made a slightly embarrassed gesture towards his only semi-erect cock.
"It doesn't really matter, does it, if you're going to fuck
me
"
"Yeah, but
" Ray reached for the pillows and piled them
up, guiding Renny onto them. He leaned over and kissed him again, then
lowered his head to suck a nipple to hardness.
Renny drew the close cropped head against his chest with a quiet, heartfelt
moan. Ray leaned against him and began stroking again, this time heading
inexorably downwards until Renny's swollen cock was resting in his hand.
It was the first time that Ray had touched him there and Renny groaned
aloud. "Oh, Ray
"
"You like it?" Ray's eyes gleamed and he paused to reach for
the lube that they kept in the top drawer. The coolness from the slippery
gel faded almost immediately and then Ray began his stroking, gently
squeezing and drawing the heavy length through his fingers, pulling away
from Renny's groin.
He relaxed, allowing Ray's stroking to rock his hips slightly. The sucking
on his nipples resumed and Renny let his head fall back and his eyes
close in sensuous contentment. Slowly his cock began to stiffen. Ray
shifted again, bending over Renny's groin and dropping tiny kisses on
his belly and thighs, running his tongue lightly over the tightening
balls. Renny managed to crack open one eyelid when he felt Ray draw
his cock back up onto his belly and start a rhythmic stroking of the
thick cum vein. His hips moved, pressing his cock against Ray's caressing
hand.
At last it seemed that Ray was satisfied. He sat up, smiling, and held
out a small square of foil. Renny took it, tearing it open without a
word. Aware that this too was one of Ray's tests, he rolled the condom
on to Ray's cock carefully.
He felt no hesitation, not the slightest tremor as he did it but, leaning
back into the pillows as Ray eased himself into position between his
parted thighs, Renny had a sudden, sickening memory of the brutal probing
that had heralded each of Laurier's attacks. In retrospect, that had
been worse than the beatings or the actual rapes
those seemingly
endless moments when he knew, without any doubt, that he was about to
be violated again. When he could do nothing but clench his teeth and
wait for it all to be over.
His breath caught in his throat and for a second he froze. Ray sensed
it immediately. His eyes lifted to Renny's face. "What's wrong?"
"Ray." He choked out his lover's name through the constriction
in his throat. He began to shake and his view of Ray's face blurred
suddenly, but he had no intention of stopping now. He reached out and
pulled Ray closer. "Ray, please
quickly. Please."
After a brief hesitation he felt a gentle touch on his anus. He slid
sideways off the pillows, trying to make it easier for Ray to enter him.
Then the slender cock slid smoothly inside him and the worst was over.
He shuddered and choked on a sob as scalding tears cascaded from the
corners of his eyes.
"Baby, it's okay
it's okay
" it sounded as though
Ray was crying too. Renny lifted a hand to Ray's cheek and it came away
wet.
He moaned softly and drew Ray's head down for a long kiss, trying to
convey what he was incapable of saying aloud
that he would be all
right and that he wanted, more than anything in the world, for Ray to
make love to him.
Ray groaned and began to move slowly inside him. At first it was all
jumbled, meaningless impressions, but gradually sensation and emotion
meshed together and Renny was aware that he was responding with pleasure.
It was nothing like Laurier, nothing at all
he arched his back,
moving with Ray's gentle thrusts, and brought his legs up to wrap around
Ray's hips.
It had been so long
so very long, since he'd made love. His arousal
rapidly escalated until Renny was overwhelmed by it. He clung desperately
to Ray, trusting him to keep them both safe and when Ray's mouth claimed
his own, he surrendered willingly.
Between their bodies Renny's cock twitched and thrashed as though it
had a will of its own. Ray's thrusts deepened, became just a little
more forceful. Renny moved with him, desperate to retain that fragile
connection between Ray's cock and his body. He was beyond all sense,
beyond speech, but Ray seemed to know what he needed. Ray's hands came
down, framing his hips, lifting him to ride the iron length of his cock.
Inevitably, it was all over in minutes. The long months of emptiness
and fear had taken too much of a toll and in spite of his efforts, Renny
couldn't hold back the overwhelming tide of stimulation. Hot gouts of
viscous fluid splashed his chest and belly, a seemingly endless gusher,
while inside him Ray's cock pulsed in involuntary response. He cried
out, his voice hoarse and ragged, then tumbled into a euphoric daze.
*
By the time Ben arrived home, Kowalski was all but gibbering with worry.
He hardly seemed to notice Dief's greeting, but pounced on Ben with a
desperate glint in his eyes.
Swallowing his instinctive nervous response, Ben put his Stetson carefully
aside and took hold of his lover's wiry arms. "What's wrong, Ray?"
It all came tumbling out, mercifully with many a pause while Ray fought
his agitation to find the words he needed. Eventually, Ben thought he
understood the situation. "Where are they now?"
"In there." Ray's head jerked towards the second bedroom.
"It's been hours."
"Indeed." The apartment was extremely dark by now and Ben
had a pretty good idea of how long it would have taken Renfield to walk
home. "Have you tried to
" he let the question tail off
delicately.
Ray shook his head. "I figured best to leave them. I couldn't
hear anything, but
"
"You're right, of course, but..." he drew the quivering body
into his arms and strived for a soothing tone. "Perhaps we should
check on them now."
"I dunno
" Ray leaned against him, obviously trying to
relax. Ben kissed him.
It was enough to distract Ray for a few moments and then he sighed and
leaned his head against Ben's shoulder. "I just
you know
"
"
feel responsible." Ben smiled.
"I guess." Ray's arms slid around his waist.
The sound of a door opening made them draw apart. Ray Vecchio appeared
in the doorway, wrapped in a thin robe and looking exhausted. "Benny
"
A moment later Ben had his arms full of a completely different Ray.
He could feel the weariness in every trembling muscle of Ray's body.
"Are you all right?"
"How's Renny?" Ray Kowalski's voice interrupted, harsh with
worry.
"He's fine." Ben felt Ray's body relax suddenly against his,
as if saying the words had finally made them real. Ray turned slightly
to look at his partner. "I was wrong, what I said before. You
did the right thing, okay? I'm sorry."
The other man looked away and down at the floor. Ben thought he saw
tears glinting in the pale eyes. "'S okay."
They stood in silence in the growing darkness for a moment. Ben started
stroking Ray's back soothingly and felt him shiver. "Is Renfield
awake, Ray?"
"Probably by now." A weak laugh shook his body. "Dief
was sniffing at the door. That's what woke me
he got in when I
opened the door."
"I'll go check on him." Ray Kowalski took a couple of steps
then turned back. His voice was uncharacteristically hesitant. "You
think that'll be okay?"
"Yeah, that's good. I think he'll want to see you." If anything,
Ray seemed to be leaning even more heavily against him and Ben's arms
tightened instinctively. He lowered his head to nuzzle Ray's cheek.
"Are you all right, Ray?" Ben repeated his query.
Ray nodded slowly and sighed. "We made love, Benny. He let me
he wanted to
"
Ben was surprised by the depth of his relief and pleasure. "That's
wonderful news. We can start to
" he stopped when he realised
that Ray was crying quietly. "Ray?"
"I'm okay. It's just
it's taken so long. I thought it was
never gonna happen." Ray wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand.
"I didn't mean to get all mushy."
Ben kissed him. "I think you can be forgiven this once."
He saw Ray's grin with a lifting of his heart.
The light came on, startling them. "He's good. Dief's keeping
him company."
Ray Kowalski looked like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders.
It amazed Ben sometimes that both these men could be so devoted to his
likeable but less than satisfactory subordinate. On rare occasions he
even allowed himself to wonder if they saw some quality in Renfield Turnbull
that he'd somehow missed.
At the moment, though, he was simply pleased to see that his two lovers
were being drawn together by their common regard for Renfield. Even
as he thought it, the man in his arms reached out a hand to Ray Kowalski
and they joined together in a three-way hug. It went on for some time,
with neither Ray making any move to end it. Then the two of them kissed,
quite unselfconsciously.
It was curiously arousing to watch, even though the kiss seemed to be
more for comfort than an expression of desire. Ben waited until it ended
then kissed each man in turn. "I knew you'd hit it off."
They both grinned at the reminder of that dimly lit hotel room where
all three of them had met for the first time. Ray Kowalski detached
himself reluctantly from the group. "I told Renny I'd stay with
him. You take it easy, okay?"
"Sure." Ray yawned hugely. "I might turn in too. How
about you Benny?"
Visions of the three of them making love retreated unwillingly from Ben's
mind. "I'd be delighted, Ray."
*
Ray Kowalski crouched in the shadows between a forklift and a pile of
wooden crates listening to the voice of Armando Langoustini. It was
a smooth, arrogant voice, nothing like his partner Ray Vecchio's voice.
It brought back memories of a dimly lit hotel room, and a couple of goons,
and a man with death in his eyes. He cursed under his breath, understanding
for the first time why Vecchio was so scared of his alter ego.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. They were supposed to be watching
this place, the usual scut work the FBI gave them to keep them away from
the real action, but something had gone badly wrong. For two days they'd
sat in a cramped office overlooking this warehouse and watched people
wander in and out. Nothing suspicious. Until today. Until an hour
ago, actually, when the irregular trickle became a small but steady stream
of men entering, but not leaving.
He'd lost track of how many times they'd tried to call their FBI contacts.
They'd got nothing but voicemail. And no replies to the messages either.
Finally they'd decided to go in and have a look. Just a look, that was
all. Except that they'd hardly got inside when a bunch of men, far too
well dressed for this place had passed by only a few yards ahead
of them and the doors had clanged shut with a finality that told them
both there'd be guards stationed by them. A quick check had confirmed
their worst fears.
Ray had been busy calling Welsh on his cell phone when Vecchio had stood
up, walked calmly out of their no-so-safe hiding place and identified
himself to the business-suited men as Armando Langoustini.
So far it was working. Vecchio had spun a smooth enough story. It was
almost the truth... the Feds watching them, waiting to take them out
in a big messy drugs bust that would remove the best men in two prominent
East Coast Families. And now here he was, Armando 'The Bookman' Langoustini,
willing to bail them out. For a big fat fee.
"So how does it work?" That was Antonio Rinaldi, grey suited
and loaded with heavy gold jewellery, a real Mafia stereotype. He sounded
like he wasn't quite ready to play along just yet.
"Simple." Armando's voice was chillingly bland. "You
sell to me. I'll guarantee there's no trouble. The Iguana family sits
on the stash for six months, time enough to let things cool down. Then
I sell to Kraus here. You sell your stuff, Kraus buys it, there's just
a small delay in the process."
Kraus scowled. If anybody was going to cause trouble it would be him,
Ray guessed. "And what do you get out of it?"
"Besides the pleasure of helping two colleagues?" Armando
was coolly ironic. "Twenty percent." He waited out the grumbling.
"Each."
"Like Hell. How do we even know you're Langoustini? Last I heard,
he'd disappeared."
"I did." Ray could hear the smile in Armando's voice. It
wasn't exactly heart warming. "It's been very useful, gentlemen.
Now, are you in or not? You don't have much time to make up your minds.
The Feds could arrive any minute."
Ray checked his watch. It had only been five minutes since he called
Welsh. Not enough time for the hastily arranged backup to get here from
the Twenty-Seventh Precinct. It would have taken even longer to convince
another precinct to send support, but Ray cursed the fact that they were
on the wrong side of town from the Twenty-Seventh. It looked like they
wouldn't get here in time, and it felt to Ray like Armando was losing
them. He was pretty sure Armando knew it too, even though his voice
remained steady.
"How did you find out about this, anyway?" Rinaldi's voice
was heavy with suspicion.
Armando shifted his position, moving around Rinaldi to stand between
him and Ray's hiding place. "I had information. I got a man inside."
His shoulders lifted in a faint, dismissive shrug. "You should
have too."
Sweat prickled along Ray's spine. A man inside? He slid his glasses
up his nose and tightened his grip on his gun. Something was going to
happen, and soon.
"You're making this up." Kraus signalled to one of his men.
"Did you think we'd just hand over ten million dollars worth of
cocaine on your say so?"
"Your lack of faith hurts me gentlemen. How sure are you that federal
agents won't be coming in here in the next couple of minutes, with warrants
for your arrest?" Armando shifted again, circling, drawing Rinaldi
and Kraus' eyes with him.
Ray knew then, with absolute certainty, what was going to happen next.
As Armando, now unmistakably Ray Vecchio once more, reached for the ankle-holstered
gun the goons had missed when they'd searched him, Ray flung a wrench
across a stack of pallets to land noisily on their far side. Then he
erupted from his hiding place, yelling.
He hit Vecchio first, knocking him to the floor. They rolled in opposite
directions, firing before the others could decide whether Armando was
part of the attack or a target, like themselves. That brief moment of
confusion was what Ray had been counting on. Three of the goons were
down, the rest, along with the two ringleaders were diving for cover.
Ray hit the bottom of yet another stack of crates while Vecchio came
up hard against a pile of greasy looking sacks. It wasn't much shelter,
but it was better than nothing.
Vecchio wasn't shooting, but then Vecchio didn't have any spare ammunition
for his backup gun. Ray tried to make his clip last. He only had one
spare clip in his back pocket. They hadn't expected this, and hadn't
been prepared for it. It might just get them killed.
Down to the last two bullets in his first clip, he glanced across at
Vecchio and nodded. He got a grin in reply and then Vecchio was firing
too as Ray emptied the clip. Ray rolled behind the crates hastily reloading
while Vecchio took pot shots at anyone stupid enough to stick their nose
out. That was when he remembered the guard by the door. Who would most
certainly be heading in their direction right now. He needed to act
fast.
Hotwiring a forklift wasn't so different from a car. The engine grated
into life and lurched forward when he stamped on the accelerator. Ray
swung it toward the crates where Kraus and his men had taken shelter.
They were firing at him now, and he hunched down behind the wheel, flinching
when the shots came too close. As he passed Vecchio he yelled a warning.
Vecchio's eyes widened and he turned to cover Ray's back. Ray cranked
the machine up to its full five miles per hour and headed straight for
where he'd last seen Kraus. There were shots coming from behind him
now. He swore and held steady. It seemed to take forever before he
crashed into the crates, sending one man flying. Ray threw himself on
Kraus, gun to his head.
"Hold it, or your boss gets it." The firing stopped. Even
Rinaldi and his men weren't willing to risk it. "Put the guns down,
or I'll kill him."
"You won't do that, Fed. You wouldn't dare." Rinaldi's gun
was pointing to the floor but he wasn't showing any sign of dropping
it.
Ray grinned nastily. "Who says I'm a Fed?" He was high on
adrenalin. It wasn't hard to pretend he was ready to shoot. He was.
Almost. "Hey Boss, you okay?"
Vecchio strolled into view, brushing at a mark on his pants. "Do
you know how much these cost?" He eyed the small group coldly.
"Your man back there's dead. You got any good reason why you shouldn't
all join him?"
"Hey! You don't..." The goon stopped as Rinaldi lifted his
arm, with the gun still dangling from his fingers. "Quiet Marco.
Mr Langoustini, I'm sure we can work this out."
"Put the guns down. All of you." Vecchio waited while they
all obeyed. "Let him go, Ray."
"But..." Kraus was the only security they had.
Cold green eyes turned on him and Ray swallowed nervously. "Do
it. And then get their guns."
He obeyed without another moment's hesitation. Then, with the guns in
a tidy pile on the seat of the forklift, he exchanged a look with his
partner and wondered how long they could hold eight men, even with the
advantage of guns.
*
When Welsh rushed in with what seemed like half the Twenty-Seventh Precinct
behind him, they were still discussing how the exchange of cocaine should
take place. Ray Vecchio offered a silent prayer of thanksgiving to a
god he'd almost forgotten he'd ever believed in and handed the entire
crew over to their eager hands. He walked past Welsh with a quiet "Later,
sir." and didn't stop walking until he'd got outside.
He was tired, and aching as though he'd been beaten all over, but a tiny
flicker of elation warmed his gut. The temptation to get the Riv out
of the parking garage and just drive away was almost overwhelming. But
then the sudden eruption of Ray Kowalski from the doorway put paid to
his chances of escape, or any hope of some time alone to pull himself
together.
"We did it!" Kowalski seized him in a furious embrace, wiry
arms clutching him almost painfully tight. "That was great, Vecchio.
I knew..." A thump on the back rattled his teeth. "I just
knew, ya know? It was like... I dunno, but it was great." Kowalski
pushed him away a bit and grinned.
Ray couldn't help grinning back. "We're a team, Stanley."
"Yeah." Kowalski's grin faded suddenly. "A team."
The hands on his shoulders tightened as Kowalski's eyes widened and then
Ray was pulled back into an even fiercer embrace, and a kiss that threatened
to suck his tonsils out.
It was insanity. The door was just behind them and someone could come
out at any moment, but Ray kissed back as hungrily as he was being kissed.
Only when a sound came from just inside the doorway did he regain enough
sense to pull away. They both stepped back, panting. He was hard as
a rock, and there was no mistaking the outline in Kowalski's jeans.
Thank God Kowalski had his back to the doorway. Thank God his pants
were loose
Luckily it was a very junior uniformed cop, so intent on his duty that
he could spare them only a brief, admiring glance. Ray's eyes went back
to Kowalski's face. As suddenly as it had come, the energy drained away
leaving him feeling cold and exhausted. He backed away and dropped down
to sit on a small box. He put his head in his hands.
"You okay, Vecchio?" Kowalski was looking down at him with
a worried frown.
He patted the box beside him and shifted over to make room. "Yeah,
it's just... being Armando takes it out of me." He smiled weakly.
"But you know something? I wasn't Armando, not really. I was pretending.
I knew I was pretending. It was like a mask I could put on and
then take it off when it was over." An arm came around his shoulder
and he leaned into it. "I'm free of him, Ray. I don't have to
be afraid of him any more."
Kowalski didn't say a word and Ray wondered if he, or anybody else, would
ever understand what that meant to him. But when he met the other man's
gaze, he saw relief and happiness and that was enough. In spite of himself,
in spite of the danger of somebody else coming through that door, Ray
leaned in closer and kissed his partner.
This time it was quiet. They were both shaking with reaction, but the
kiss was sweet and untroubled. He hadn't expected this kind of tenderness,
though he'd seen it directed towards Renny often enough. Even Fraser
on the odd occasion. But his relationship with Kowalski wasn't like
that. Until now.
The sound of voices coming closer gave them more warning this time.
They eased themselves apart slightly and Ray leaned his head back against
the wall and closed his eyes. He felt a hand touch him lightly on the
shoulder and then Kowalski stood and walked away.
*
"Ray, what happened to your..." Ben's voice trailed off into
silence as his eyes went past Ray's shoulder to Ray Vecchio.
Ray grinned almost bouncing on his feet, knowing he was full of a manic
energy that would drive himself and everyone else crazy, but unable to
stop himself. He thought they'd come down off their adrenalin high at
the Stationhouse, but that had just been a breather. On the drive home
he and Vecchio had been as mad as a couple of teenagers. They were lucky
they'd got home in one piece. He pounded Ben on the shoulder. "We
cracked it, Frase... Rinaldi and Kraus and their goons and they'll all
be singin' like birds in a coupla hours."
"...and Kowalski's taken over the job of wrecking my clothes. You
can retire now Benny." Vecchio's voice was cheerfully sarcastic.
Ben got that blank, slightly bewildered look on his face that he usually
reserved for Renny's weirdest behaviour, and the two of them started
laughing.
Vecchio squirmed inside his grubby clothing. "I'm gonna take a
shower before dinner."
"I'll join ya." Ray made to follow him but stopped as Ben
caught his arm.
"Ray, what's happened? This behaviour is... well, it's rather..."
"Crazy?" Ray grinned. "It's okay Frase, we cracked the
case. Arrested eight Mob guys while the Feds were off on the other side
of Chicago, thinking they'd cut us out of the action." They'd discovered
that about an hour after they got back to the Stationhouse and sometime
soon he wouldn't feel quite so unconcerned about it, but right now he
didn't give a damn. "So we're the heroes and they look like the
horses' asses they are."
"I see." Fraser smiled his relief. "That was very well
done, Ray. Congratulations."
"It was Vecchio, really. He was incredible." Just thinking
about it made him feel hot again. He thought regretfully of the shower
and what he and Vecchio could be doing in it right now, but he wanted
to share this with somebody who would get it all. Not just the cop stuff,
but the personal things too. "He pretended to be Langoustini...
he was stringing them along like you wouldn't believe."
Ben's face became troubled, and Ray laughed. "It's okay
Frase, I told ya. He just did it, had 'em all eating out of his hands
after we took the guns off them and..."
"Guns, Ray?" The frown deepened.
"Oh yeah... well, they didn't exactly buy it at first. So we...
ya know I just knew what he was gonna do, Frase, just like that
time with you, at that poker game... so I kinda jumped them and we...
well, it was okay. We had it under control pretty quick and Vecchio
took out the guy who was sneaking up on us." Ray realised he was
babbling and took a deep breath. "Anyway, Welsh arrived about then
with backup and it was all over. And the best thing is
" He
stopped as Fraser's eyes slid past his shoulder.
Renny was standing in the doorway, his face ashen. "Ray? What's
happened?"
All his elation came crashing down around him. Ray hurried over and
put his arms around Renny's trembling body. "Nothin'. It's okay
buddy, Vecchio and I, we just made a bust
a really good
bust, but it's over now. We're both fine."
It didn't make any difference. Renny's blue eyes were too bright, his
face too pale. "Was it dangerous? Ray?"
He tried to shrug it off. "Nah, not really. We had it all under
control."
"You could have both been killed." Renny obviously wasn't
convinced. The tremors increased.
Across the room, Fraser cleared his throat. "I'm sure they took
no unnecessary risks, Renfield. They were doing their duty, after all."
Ray cursed silently. Fraser was only trying to help, but that was probably
the last thing Renny needed to hear. "Look, Renny, we
"
But Renny was pulling away from him. "I'm sorry. Benton's right
of course. I shouldn't
I'd better get back to cooking dinner."
"Get Vecchio." Ray flung the words at Fraser and followed
Renny into the kitchen. "You need any help?"
"No, I
" Renny turned to face him and his eyes widened.
"You're, ah
a little
"
Ray glanced down at the greasy smears on his clothing and grinned. "I
guess I'd better wash up first, huh? What's for dinner?" Anything
to keep Renny talking until Vecchio got here.
"Grilled polenta
" Renny gestured vaguely towards the
stove, forgetting the large kitchen knife in his hand. "And
and
"
"Hey." Ray fought the urge to duck. He took the knife from
Renny's hand. "It doesn't matter, buddy. Just take it easy."
Fraser and Vecchio came in then, Vecchio in nothing but a towel and still
dripping wet. Renny turned to him, as he always did, and was taken into
a hard embrace. Ray could see him shaking. He moved away, going to
stand by Fraser and lean into him for comfort. It always rattled him
to see Renny upset. After a moment, they left the two of them alone
together.
Dinner was subdued. Ray felt exhausted and Vecchio didn't look any better.
The adrenalin rush was over and reaction had set in with a vengeance.
Renny was completely silent unless one of them asked him a direct question
and then barely managed to stammer out a response. Fraser was the only
one of them acting even remotely normal. Not long after dinner they
decided to make it an early night.
A hand on his arm stopped him from following Fraser and Renny to the
bedroom. He turned to face his partner. "Look, I think
"
Vecchio hesitated, searching for the words.
He knew what Vecchio was trying to say. They couldn't leave Renny alone
tonight, not even with Fraser to keep him company, and what they wanted
to do would be better done without an audience. "It's okay. Tonight's
not a good night." He managed a slight smile. "Tomorrow,
maybe."
"Yeah." Vecchio's eyes scanned his face and then they were
kissing.
It took all of his self-control not to push it beyond what Vecchio was
offering, and he knew Vecchio felt the same way. He'd known this would
happen eventually, but he hadn't thought he would fall so damn hard.
They drew apart after a moment and went into the bedroom where Renny
and Fraser were already in bed. Ray tried not to watch too obviously
when Vecchio started undressing, but something must have registered with
the other two, because Renny ended up snuggling against a resigned looking
Fraser, leaving the other half of the bed for him and Vecchio.
"G'night." He kissed Vecchio again and felt a gentle touch
on his cheek.
Vecchio twisted around to turn off the bedside lamp. When he lay down
again they kissed some more, adding a few hesitant caresses for good
measure. It was pleasant and only mildly arousing, but they were both
too tired to do much anyway. Ray wasn't even aware of drifting off to
sleep.
*
The apartment was dark, and silent, when Ray Kowalski let himself in.
Which meant the others were in bed and, from the lack of sound, fast
asleep. Ray sighed. He hadn't intended to be so late, but the two fights
he gone to watch at his old gym had taken longer than expected; and then
he'd gone a couple of rounds with Joe. He rubbed the developing bruise
on his jaw. Maybe he shouldn't have done that, but he'd felt too wired
to just come home. Now he was facing having to sleep alone in the guestroom,
or take the chance of waking the others.
Deciding in favour of the guestroom, Ray pointed himself, a little shakily,
in the right direction. He'd only had a couple of beers, but wandering
around in the dark didn't help his sense of balance any. Still, he made
it to the bedroom without making any noise. But when he switched on
the light, Ray had to choke back a curse. He'd forgotten about Renny's
out of season spring cleaning binge.
The bed was covered in clothes taken out of the closet to be dry-cleaned;
there were no curtains covering the windows, and beneath the tidy piles
of clothing, the bed was stripped bare. It would take half an hour at
least to put the room to rights, and Ray doubted he'd be able to do it
without dropping or falling over something and probably waking the sleepers
in the process.
There were some blankets still in the closet. Ray grabbed one and headed
for the couch. Without turning on the light, Ray shucked his shoes and
socks, then dropped his jeans and jacket, leaving him wearing the sleeveless
top he'd worn for his brief workout and his shorts. He dropped onto
the couch and pulled the blanket over himself with a sigh.
Five minutes later he rolled onto his side and pulled the edge of the
blanket over his shoulder. Two minutes after that he twisted around
to lie on his other side with his nose less than an inch away from the
back of the couch. He punched the cushion a few times with no noticeable
effect, then groaned and rolled onto his back again.
Trouble was, he was still too wired to sleep, and he didn't have
to look far for the reason. In fact the reason was in the main bedroom,
in bed with a couple of Canadians, and fast asleep. Dammit, they should
have found a way to do it by now, but Renny had been on edge all week,
the guestroom bore witness to that. And when Renny was on edge there
was absolutely no way he and Vecchio could just take themselves off into
the guestroom to fuck each other senseless and leave Renny to Fraser's
care. Fraser just couldn't deal with Renny when he was in that state.
Ray stretched his arms out above his head and then crossed them over
his forehead and stared up at the ceiling, even though it was too dark
for him to see it. They should have found a way to do it, and then he
wouldn't have got into this state. He closed his eyes and resisted the
urge to get up and pace around the room. His legs felt cramped on the
narrow couch and his gut ached. He rubbed it reflectively and felt a
definite twitch in his groin. It looked like he was going to have to
take care of it, if he wanted to get any sleep tonight.
"Damn you Vecchio." He muttered the curse under his breath
and slid his hand inside his shorts. After a while he kicked his shorts
off altogether and let them drop to the floor.
*
The bed always felt strangely deserted when he was in it alone. Not
that it happened very often, but this morning he was alone. Ray Vecchio
had a vague memory of his two lovers leaving the bed. Not so long ago,
he thought, though he couldn't be certain. He didn't remember Kowalski
coming in at all and if he had, surely he'd still be there. Like him,
Kowalski was definitely not an early riser, especially not when it was
the weekend and, for once, none of them had to go to work.
Ray sat up, still drowsy, gradually registering the quiet voices and
the scent of coffee coming from the kitchen. He sighed and stretched
and reached for his robe. But when he passed the lounge door, he discovered
what had happened to Kowalski. He was asleep on the couch, wrapped in
a blanket that came halfway up his chest. Ray grinned and detoured in
Kowalski's direction.
His partner had a bad case of bed hair and needed a shave. There was
a bruise on the left side of his jaw. Ray stared down at him with a
mixture of frustrated lust and reluctant appreciation. He still wasn't
sure why he felt so attracted to a pale, scrawny, pretty-boy like Kowalski,
but he most definitely was. And that damn tattoo
who in his right
mind would get a tattoo like that? Ray perched carefully on the edge
of the couch and touched the tattoo lightly with one fingertip.
It woke Kowalski. The pale lashes fluttered and Kowalski stared up at
him, bleary eyed and resentful. "Yeah?"
"And a good morning to you too, Stanley." He grinned at his
partner, suddenly feeling unreasonably cheerful. Besides, he knew it
would annoy Kowalski and it did. Kowalski glowered at him but didn't
speak. "How late were you last night, anyway?"
Kowalski levered himself up a little so he was leaning back against the
arm of the couch. "Not that late. You're letting them get you
into bad habits. Going to bed early." He rubbed the back of his
neck.
"You want me to help you with that?" Ray leaned forward a
little.
Kowalski shook his head and winced. "Nah."
Their eyes met and held for a moment and Ray felt his heartbeat start
to speed up. "So."
"Yeah." Kowalski didn't pretend not to understand. He glanced
towards the kitchen door. They could both hear the other two moving
around, preparing breakfast. "Now?"
"Why not?" Ray waited a moment, then leaned toward him. Their
lips brushed then parted. Ray lifted his hand to pull Kowalski's head
towards him and they kissed again.
It had taken a long time for them to reach this point. Sometimes Ray
had thought it would never happen, but now that it had he intended to
make the most of it. Slowly they moved closer and closer until their
bodies were pressed together. Kowalski was half lying back against the
couch, one arm around Ray's neck, the other awkwardly between their bodies,
his fingers stroking Ray's chest where the robe gaped open.
It wasn't long before his restless fingers found a nipple and pinched
it gently. Ray shivered as a jolt of pleasure reverberated from nipple
to groin and back again in an endlessly repeating loop. His tongue slid
inside Kowalski's mouth taking firm control; Kowalski seized it eagerly,
accepting the claim and responding with his own. When he finally drew
back to catch his breath, Ray's lips felt bruised and sore.
Kowalski was staring up at him, waiting to see what he'd do next. Giving
him space to back away if he wanted to. But Ray didn't want to. He
lowered his head to kiss and suck at the tender skin of Kowalski's throat
and felt a soft groan rumble beneath the skin. The tie of his robe,
already loose, was pulled free and Kowalski's hands continued their investigation.
He shifted his position slightly, pressing the whole length of his body
against his partner's; rubbing against him sensuously, feeling his erection
matched by the one beneath him.
Gentle hands slid over his skull, ruffling the short hairs in a way that
always brought a hungry reaction from him. Ray wondered briefly if Benny
had ever given Kowalski any tips, but decided that was unlikely. He
slid down a little and nuzzled Kowalski's shoulder, smelling a mixture
of slightly stale sweat and cologne, a scent that was at once both intimate
and masculine. His hands rubbed up and down Kowalski's skinny body,
frustrated by the feel of cloth where he wanted to touch skin.
Finally Ray sat up, panting, and dragged the undershirt up over Kowalski's
body, abandoning it once it cleared his nipples. He knew Kowalski's
body well enough by now; with four men sharing a bathroom there wasn't
any way he could have avoided knowing, but he'd never really looked at
it with a lover's eyes. Skinny, yes, but beautiful
pale skin,
small tight nipples ringed with a scattering of hair, all that Kowalski
had on his chest. Ray's eyes slid down the centre line of Kowalski's
body to his navel, and then below to a fine line of hair disappearing
under the blanket.
Without really thinking about it, Ray found himself sprawled across Kowalski's
chest, his lips clinging to the tight bud of one of those nipples as
though his life depended on it. The salt taste of Kowalski's skin was
better than any aphrodisiac. Kowalski let out a choked laugh loud enough
to cause a sudden silence in the kitchen, but neither of them was likely
to be fazed by that. If the other two hadn't figured it out by now,
they weren't the Mounties everyone thought they were.
Kowalski squirmed under him and the blanket slipped, revealing a much
larger expanse of bare skin to Ray's inquisitive fingers than he'd expected.
Kowalski looked up at him deadpan and Ray grinned, then yanked the blanket
down. The only thing Kowalski was wearing was the undershirt currently
decorating his armpits. It was one Hell of a sight and Ray took a moment
to appreciate it.
"Trouble sleeping, huh?" Ray kept his voice innocent.
Kowalski scowled. "Yeah, well I wasn't the meat in a Mountie sandwich
last night, Vecchio."
"So whose fault is that? You wanted to go to the fight."
Ray grinned again, determined to make the most out of this situation.
Besides, Kowalski knew damn well that he and Fraser wouldn't be doing
anything much when Renny was sharing the bed with them.
"You guys coulda come with." The pale eyes flashed in brief
annoyance.
Or maybe it was time to back off. Ray shrugged. "Take Renny to
a fight? Are you kidding?"
"Yeah, I guess
" Kowalski conceded the point reluctantly.
"So, you gonna just sit there?"
"I am so glad you asked." Ray let his eyes wander up
and down the slender body. Talking wasn't anywhere near as much fun
as what he was about to do. He leaned forward, nipping and sucking at
Kowalski's pale skin until it was dotted with small, reddened patches.
Each nipple was sucked and tweaked and teased while Kowalski's body heaved
beneath him. Then Kowalski grabbed his head and dragged him up for a
lung-deflating kiss.
That was more than okay with Ray. Kowalski thought he liked it rough,
but Ray knew better. He'd experienced the real thing and never wanted
to see any of them get into that kind of stuff. What Kowalski was getting
was the appearance of rough play, and hopefully he'd never find out the
difference. He pulled back, gave his partner a slow, sensual smile and
let his hand drift down over Kowalski's belly, through the soft, wiry
pubic hair and along the moist, sensitive crease of his groin. The thick
cock twitched enthusiastically.
They exchanged a glance; Ray's thoughtful and intent, Kowalski's impatient.
Ray bought his hand up again, between Kowalski's thighs and took a firm
grasp of his balls. He squeezed gently.
"Geez! Oh God
" Kowalski's reaction was all he'd hoped
for.
The voices in the kitchen stopped once more and Ray heard a stifled giggle.
Renny, no doubt. Ray smiled to himself and massaged the balls lightly
as Kowalski groaned and squirmed beneath his straddling thighs. God,
he was aching for this. He could feel the tremors in his thighs, but
a year of controlling every reaction had brought him some advantages
in the bedroom. Or on the couch. Ray knew he could make this last as
long as he wanted, and could make sure Kowalski did too.
He stroked his fingers up and down Kowalski's cock, firm strokes that
subdued the urge to thrust and climax. Kowalski shivered, but his hips
settled back into the cushions, relaxing a little. Good. Ray shrugged
the robe off his shoulders and lay down on top of him. He couldn't resist
a small moan as their skin brushed together. For a while they were content
to let their hands and their lips do all the communicating.
"Vecchio
oh, shit
" Kowalski broke free,
taking Ray's face between his hands.
Ray laughed. "Poetic, Stanley. Very poetic." He slid down
a little and began to suck again at nipples darkened to a deep pink by
his earlier attentions.
A yelp of mingled pain and pleasure, and Kowalski's hands, encouraged
him to travel lower. That seemed like a pretty good idea, so Ray cooperated
willingly. Ignoring Kowalski's groans and outbursts, Ray made his way
slowly down the slim body. He teased at the tender flesh, using feather
light touches to arouse and carefully applied pressure to control the
responses of his volatile lover.
He reached the flushed cock and decided, reluctantly, not to tease any
longer. Kowalski was swearing to God and anyone in earshot that he was
gonna die
he was just gonna fucking die
"Can it Kowalski, nobody dies of a hard on." But he lowered
his head and took it all in, down to the tangle of sweaty curls that
were considerably darker than the hair on Kowalski's head. There was
another strangled cry and then the sound of hard breathing as Kowalski
fought to keep from thrusting up into his mouth.
Good. After a long pause, Ray lifted his head, sucking all the way to
the tip and then plunged down again. Incoherent sounds of pleasure from
above his head seemed to indicate he was doing it the way Kowalski liked
it. There weren't many men who didn't like this. He caressed
the bare belly affectionately.
"Oh God
dammitall
" Kowalski pushed his head away.
He was panting, his belly heaving, his cock lifting with every breath.
Ray waited. "Bedroom. Now. Get the stuff."
He knew exactly what Kowalski meant, and his balls tightened in response.
Without a word he pushed himself to his feet and stumbled to the bedroom.
*
The orange juice was in a pitcher, ready for the table, and the coffee
was well under way, although judging by the sounds coming from the lounge
neither would be needed in any great hurry. The smaller pitcher was
full of hot water to prepare it for the maple syrup, which was warming
on top of the range. All that was needed now was for the bacon to be
grilled and the pancakes to be cooked. Ben glanced over at Renfield,
who was dithering, uncharacteristically in the kitchen, with a bowl of
pancake batter.
He supposed he should have expected this. When Ray and Ray had told
them about their successful bust, there had been an air about them of
something more than just pleasure at catching a band of criminals. It
was what he'd wanted to happen all along, and now that it had
happened he was reacting
well, rather strangely. He was jealous.
Perhaps jealous was too strong a word
no, he was jealous,
though he wasn't sure exactly who he was jealous of. Could one be jealous
of both men at the same time?
It didn't matter. The fact was that he was jealous and he was
almost certain that Renfield knew it too. Renfield wasn't. His
first reaction to the realisation that their lovers were making love
on the couch had been unalloyed delight. A delight that had changed
to caution as soon as he noticed that Ben's response was far less positive.
They'd both concentrated on preparing breakfast then, restricting themselves
to the necessary exchanges of information.
The pancake batter was in danger of being beaten to death. Ben was no
great cook, but even he recognised that. Renfield looked up and met
his eyes. "I think it's ready."
"I don't think they are." It came out a little too
sharply and Ben looked away briefly, towards the lounge. "I'm sorry.
I don't know
" his voice trailed off at the expression on Renfield's
face. "That is, I don't understand why I've reacted like
this. I wanted them to
to get on."
Renfield smiled a little. "You feel threatened, Benton. It's only
natural. You love them both, and a part of you is afraid that if they
love each other, they may love you less."
"But that's
" Ben frowned. He hadn't expected Renfield
to understand his tangled emotions when he couldn't make sense of them
himself. "I didn't feel that way when you
"
"That was different." Renfield's smile turned wry. "You
never saw me as a threat. But, of course it doesn't work that way, in
any case."
He didn't know what to say to that. It was true that he'd never seen
Renfield as a threat; the very idea of it was ridiculous, but he wasn't
laughing. Nor was Renfield, in fact he was looking almost wistful.
Neither of them was paying any attention to the enthusiastic sounds coming
from the lounge any more.
Renfield glanced down at the bowl of batter and toyed with the edge for
a moment. Then his eyes lifted again. "It never occurred to you
that Ray could love me enough to harm your relationship with him. You
were right. Not because I don't matter, but because Ray could never
love you less no matter how many lovers he had. Just as you or I would
never love him less."
Ben could hear the hurt in Renfield's voice and it gave him pause. How
long had Renfield carried this knowledge, never allowing it to show until
now? He must have realised it almost from the start. But Ben wasn't
ready yet to deal with that. "And Ray Kowalski?"
Renfield smiled. "Ray doesn't love me. We're good friends, and
that's enough. I think you know that"
He did know that. He'd been procrastinating, trying to assimilate the
knowledge Renfield had just handed him. In the last few months he'd
begun to realise that he'd misjudged Renfield, but he hadn't known until
a few minutes ago how badly he'd done so. Or how much Renfield had been
aware of how little he'd thought of the younger man. There weren't many
times in his life that he had that sinking feeling of having failed badly,
but he felt it now.
"I'm sorry. You're right, I didn't
" he searched for
a gentler way to phrase what he had to say, but he owed Renfield the
truth. "I didn't respect you enough to think of you as a threat
with Ray. Perhaps I should have." He tried to smile.
The sandy head shook slowly. "I wouldn't have wanted that, Benton."
"No." Ben looked at the younger man, taking in his withdrawn
face, his downcast eyes. In spite of his unkind behaviour towards Renfield,
he had never been less than completely loyal, or less than willing to
help in any way he could, both professionally and personally. Ben remembered
with painful clarity some of his behaviour towards Renfield, the contempt
he hadn't been able, or thought necessary to hide. Because Renfield
had never reacted to it, Ben had thought he hadn't noticed it. He bowed
his head. "I'm sorry."
There was no answer and when he looked up again, Renfield had turned
away and was toying with the edge of the bowl again. Obviously he thought
the conversation was over, but Ben couldn't bring himself to leave it
like that. He had made the mistake; he had hurt someone who had not
deserved to be hurt. And he admitted to himself that his assumption
that Renfield was unworthy of his love had been wrong. At the moment
it wasn't Renfield who seemed unworthy, but himself.
It took only two steps to reach his side. Ben just had time to see his
startled glance and then he was drawing him into a gentle embrace, still
unsure of what he intended to do, but certain that he had to do something.
From a distance of a few inches they stared at each other. Renfield
wore a startled expression that might have been comical at any other
time. Ben noticed, as he had often before (he prided himself on his
skills of observation, after all), how intensely blue Renfield's eyes
were. Now it was more that a simple observation. He felt himself flushing
slightly, almost embarrassed by his reaction.
Renfield smiled shyly, breaking the silent exchange by lowering his gaze,
and Ben found he was leaning toward him without having made any conscious
decision to do so. Their lips brushed lightly, then Ben pressed closer.
The kiss was sweet with uncertainties and hesitations, like the first
kiss of new lovers, redefining their relationship. Renfield drew back
after a moment, but Ben, committed now, closed his mouth over Renfield's
once more.
They'd kissed before, even in this very kitchen, but never with such
intimacy or openness. It was almost frightening to do so now; a small
part of Ben was telling him that he couldn't possibly do this with Renfield
of all people
another part wanted it; wanted to know just how far
this relationship could go if he were only willing to allow it. Renfield,
he knew, would set no boundaries, would accept as much or as little love
as Ben was prepared to offer him, and return it in as great a measure
as Ben would allow.
Ben raised his hand to touch the flat plane of Renfield's cheek, feeling
the heat surge suddenly against his fingers. Renfield's hand was resting
comfortably in the small of his back, holding him close as they kissed.
The thin, sensitive lips parted before his tongue, accepting his explorations
with only a hint of restraint. Ben suspected he was waiting for the
inevitable rebuff. This time, he swore to himself, it wasn't going to
happen.
Not for the first time, Ben was aware of needing to turn his face upward
to kiss him, a discomforting sensation, since he was used to his lovers
being the same height as himself. But it wasn't difficult to distract
himself from such thoughts as the exchange continued; a slow, sensuous
advance and retreat of exploring tongues, and the soft flutter of warm
breath infiltrating his mouth as Renfield sighed. The outside world
seemed to fade into nothingness.
A low moan brought Ben out of his daze to find that somehow he'd managed
to get a hand inside Renfield's T-shirt. That hand was stroking, over
and over, the soft, prickling hairs on the broad chest with a gentle
insistence. Ben bowed his head a little, enough to kiss the vein throbbing
visibly beneath the skin of Renfield's throat, while his fingers sought
a nipple to tease.
"Ohhh
" Renfield's hand came up to cradle Ben's head,
and his fingers slid deep into his hair. Pressed close together as they
were, there was no hiding his arousal, or Ben's. Their bodies swayed
together, rubbing gently, sensuously, and Renfield's other hand fumbled
with the back of Ben's T-shirt, seeking skin contact in his turn.
They parted long enough to dispose of the T-shirts, dropping them with
uncharacteristic lack of care on the floor then closed together again.
With their hands free to roam, they both set about exploring the other.
They'd been occasional lovers for nearly two years now, but never shared
such intimacy as this. Always, except for that one time, there had been
Ray
either, or lately, both Rays, to make the focus of their lovemaking,
rather than each other. This was unimaginably different.
"Fuuuck! God, Vecchio
" Ray's voice broke their
spell and Renfield choked with laughter. The sounds from the lounge
had been getting steadily louder and seemed to be reaching a crescendo,
but then they died away a little. Obviously it wasn't going to be over
for quite a while.
Ben smiled. "Perhaps we should go in the bedroom, Renfield."
Renfield's face lit up like a beacon.
*
It seemed a long time before Vecchio came back through the doorway and
Ray Kowalski was squirming with the urge to take his cock into his hands
and just get on with it. He didn't, because there were some things worth
waiting for; but nobody had ever said patience was one of his strong
points.
Finally, Vecchio strolled across the lounge, his bathrobe hanging open
and framing a darkly flushed erection that swayed with each step. As
enjoyable as the sight was, Ray's impatience intensified. "Get
a move on, will ya?"
Vecchio grinned at him and deposited the lube and a handful of condoms
on the floor beside the couch. "Patience, Stanley." He dropped
onto the couch, straddling Ray's legs.
It ought to annoy him that Vecchio called him by his deeply unloved first
name, but it didn't. Vecchio was the only person to call him that, and
didn't do it very often, so Ray figured he could deal with it. Besides,
he kinda liked the teasing way that Vecchio said it.
He reached up and grabbed the edges of Vecchio's robe, dragging him down
for a long, hungry kiss. When Vecchio showed no sign of trying to escape,
Ray slid the silky cloth off his shoulders and watched in satisfaction
as the robe slithered to the floor. Their bodies pressed together and
for the first time, Ray was aware of the effort Vecchio was making to
hold back. He grinned against the eager mouth; it was about time.
Vecchio pulled back, breathing hard. "What do you want, Stanley?"
"Fuck me." The words came out as a harsh growl, startling
both of them. He reached down between their bodies and stroked the hard
shaft. His fingers curled around it instinctively and started pumping.
Now that he knew exactly what he wanted, Ray relaxed a little. "Yeah.
Fuck me."
With a shaken gasp, Vecchio grabbed at Ray's hand, stilling the movement.
"No. Take it easy, willya?"
"Sure thing." Ray leaned up and kissed Vecchio again. "It's
okay, Vecchio. It's gonna be okay."
The lean body above his eased back down onto him and Ray shifted, wrapping
his legs around Vecchio's hips. His body pushed up against Vecchio's
groin and he smiled. "Ya like this?"
Vecchio groaned softly, his eyes going hazy. "Not bad
"
Ray rubbed against him slowly and he moaned. "All right
all
right, it's great."
The shorn head drooped against his shoulder and Ray felt the brush of
warm lips against his throat. Vecchio's hips moved in a sensuous rhythm
against his own as he ran his hands down the long curve of the slim back.
They were both shaking with arousal and it took a huge effort for Ray
to push his lover away.
"Come on, Ray
" he reached down and found a foil wrapped
condom with his trembling fingers. "Let's get on with it."
The green eyes glazed over slightly as Ray rolled the condom over Vecchio's
cock. The hard length thrust impatiently into his hands and his groin
throbbed in involuntary response. "Oh fuck
" he spread
the slick gel hurriedly over the condom and used his shaky grip to pull
Vecchio down between his legs.
A shaky laugh sent a gust of hot breath across his lips. "Geez,
Kowalski
slow down."
"Fuck that." Ray shifted his grip to Vecchio's butt, arching
up to thrust himself onto his cock. Their bodies bumped together awkwardly,
both of them too eager to take care. "Shit. Hang on."
With a cooperative effort they managed it, and Ray's head dropped back
against the couch with a groan. Nothing ever beat the incredible intimacy
of fucking, and it was different with each of his lovers. Even though
his body wanted to throw itself mindlessly against Vecchio's to seek
satisfaction at any cost, Ray forced himself to remain still. He needed
time to deal with the emotions roused by the feeling of Vecchio's cock
inside him.
"Ray
" Vecchio's voice was almost inaudible and his body
shook helplessly. He moved his hips slowly, sliding his cock deeper
into Ray's body.
Ray sighed. "Oh yeeaaaah
" the pounding of his heart
was matched by his lover's. Neither of them could hold on much longer
and as the pressure grew Ray gave way before it, taking Vecchio with
him.
The furious, almost desperate thrusts rocked the whole couch. Ray dug
his fingers into Vecchio's shoulders, tightened his legs around his hips,
and gave back as good as he got. It was an insane scramble after pleasure
that set his heart pounding so hard he could hardly hear his own cries,
or Vecchio's harsh sobs.
Everything about Vecchio was so different from Fraser and Renny
the narrow hips, the thick tangle of hair at Vecchio's chest and groin
that tickled his skin, the wiry arms that clutched him so fiercely.
More than that, the combination of pride, vulnerability and hard won
strength made Vecchio's surrender all the more precious to him. How
could he resist all that, wrapped as it was in the sensual, passionate
packaging that was Ray Vecchio?
And, to put it simply, Vecchio was just plain hot. Ray grinned to himself
remembering their first few meetings and the sparks that had flown between
them, more aggressive than amorous, but the seeds had been there, even
though he'd refused to admit it at the time.
A long shudder ran through him and through Vecchio, warning them both
that their bodies were reaching breaking point. Even the lube could
no longer ease the delicious friction of Vecchio's fierce thrusts. They
were growing wilder and less coordinated with each passing second.
It was difficult to focus his mind enough to breathe, let alone speak,
but somehow he managed it. "Vecchio
it's okay
"
he stroked the sweaty nape of his lover's neck. "Trust me. Just
let go, all right?"
There was no answer, but the shudders grew stronger. Ray held on, waiting
for the inevitable, his body so incredibly wired that he felt like he
might explode. It occurred to him then that this might be what Vecchio
needed
for him to lead the way. Trusting his own judgement in
situations like this didn't come naturally to Ray, but something had
to give and it might as well be him.
That decision was all it took. Heat exploded in his groin and sent fiery
tendrils into his brain. He was only dimly aware of Vecchio's cry and
the savage thrusts that heralded his lover's climax. Together they rode
out the storm, bodies sliding slickly together, lubricated by their own
sweat. Ray was barely aware of the small extra heat of his ejaculation
or the final savage tremors that shook Vecchio's body.
The silence that followed was almost as devastating as the fury of their
lovemaking had been. Ray's eyes were blinded by tears and sweat, his
throat ached and his body was worn out. Vecchio lay like a dead weight
on top of him with only the hammering of his heart and the harsh labouring
of his lungs to show he was still alive. He stroked his fingers across
the wet skin of Vecchio's shoulder and moaned his exhaustion.
"Kowalski?" Vecchio's voice was faint.
It took a huge effort to dredge up any kind of response. "Yeah?"
"You
" Vecchio gasped and shook with weak laughter. "You
wanna do this again some time?"
*
Kissing Benton Fraser always felt to him a little like he was kissing
God. It would no doubt shock many people; his adoptive parents in particular
would think it heretical, without a doubt, but Renny had long ago accepted
his hero worship of his superior officer and learned to live with it.
Falling in love with not one, but both of Benton's lovers hadn't helped
much. No more than an intimate acquaintance with the object of his adoration
had changed a thing. He was now exceedingly familiar with Benton's very
human failings, pride probably being the worst, but that had made not
the slightest difference either. So he melted into the warm and welcoming
embrace and kissed his god with sensuous abandon.
For a long while that was all they did, lying naked and entwined on the
bed they usually shared with their lovers, with a kind of innocent intimacy.
He suspected that Benton was holding back, uncertain of how he would
react to more overtly sexual behaviour. It would be difficult, and extremely
embarrassing, for Renny to tell him that he was all right now, and that
Benton didn't need to worry about him. Becoming tongue-tied, as he undoubtedly
would, would not improve the situation at all, so he could just demonstrate
the fact and then they could both take things from there.
He gently disengaged himself from the kiss and lowered his head to suck
at one of Benton's pale nipples. He'd had plenty of opportunity, hovering
on the sidelines, to observe. He knew, for instance, that Benton loved
to have his nipples sucked almost as much as he loved to suck
well,
just about anything. Fingers, nipples, cocks. Anything he could fit
in his mouth. A definite oral fixation, there. No doubt Benton would
take great pleasure in indulging it on Renny's body at a later stage.
For now, he simply squirmed with pleasure under Renny's determined assault
on his senses.
Making love with Benton, if you could even call it that, in the kitchen
all those months ago had never felt like this. Then, he had been aware
of Benton's distance from him even as they touched each other so intimately.
Today the barriers had come down, just a little, but enough that for
the first time since he'd met, and made a disastrous first impression
on his new colleague, Renny allowed himself to hope that there might
be some kind of a chance for him.
As he made his way down the alabaster pale body, pausing every so often
when he found a particularly sensitive spot, Renny twisted on the bed
so that by the time he reached Benton's cock, he had completely reversed
his position. He buried his face against soft sweaty curls of pubic
hair and hoped that Benton would take the hint.
A hesitant touch on his cock sent a tiny shiver of pleasure through him
and Renny moaned, perhaps a little more enthusiastically than was really
necessary, but he wanted to be sure that the message was received loud
and clear. It was. His cock was grasped more firmly and stroked from
heavy somnolence to hard arousal. It took an amazingly short amount
of time. Renny decided to stop worrying about how Benton was going to
behave and simply enjoy himself. In spite of Benton's apparent volte-face,
he wasn't yet prepared to count on anything past this one opportunity.
The thick pale cock stirred invitingly against his cheek as he kissed
the silky skin of Benton's thighs and belly. He'd admired the beauty
of it from the first time he'd seen it, when Ray had brought his disapproving
lover to share this very bed with them. His fingers traced the length
of it from base to tip, teasing at the slightly retracted foreskin and
the flushed circle of moist cockhead peeking from beneath it. It really
was rather delightful.
He closed his fist around the hardening shaft and pumped experimentally.
The skin was looser than on a circumcised cock and moved more freely,
retracting the foreskin even further as he stroked down and releasing
it on the up strokes. After a couple of times, Renny leaned forward
to lick away the moisture forming in the slit with a delicate brush of
his tongue.
A gasp and a small shudder indicated Benton's approval and Renny gave
in to his own brand of oral fixation, which mostly centred around cocks.
He took the whole length of it into his mouth, relaxing his throat muscles
instinctively to accommodate it and began to suck in a strong, pulsing
rhythm. His own cock was being subjected to similar treatment, and for
a while there was no sound in the room apart from contented sucking noises
and the occasional muffled moan.
However Renny had some time ago already decided on what he should do
if he ever got this chance and, as much as he enjoyed oral sex, this
wasn't the way he wanted it to end. Gradually he withdrew, taking less
and less of the thick cock into his mouth with each downward plunge.
Benton, too, was easing back, taking his cue from Renny. With a quick
twist Renny knelt between Benton's parted legs and stared into sensuous,
heavy lidded slate blue eyes.
There could be no doubt what he was silently offering and Renny preferred
to leave it unspoken. Benton smiled lazily, so unlike his cool calm
Mountie persona that it was difficult to reconcile the two. But all
that mattered right now was the implicit acceptance in that sensual gaze.
Renny reached for the drawer and the condoms it contained.
The carton was empty. For a moment Renny came close to panic. Of course
it wasn't strictly necessary for him to penetrate Benton, or he could
withdraw before ejaculating, but either option would ruin the scenario
he had so lovingly built up over the years. Then he realised that Ray,
no doubt in some haste, had scattered the small foil packets all over
the drawer. He hastily picked a couple of them out and then hunted for
the lube. Surely there was a spare tube of it somewhere. But this time
his luck ran out.
"Renfield? What's the matter?" Benton lifted himself onto
one elbow.
He sighed dejectedly. "I'm afraid here's no lubricant. Ray must
have taken it."
There was a brief pause as they considered the situation. Not for anything
would Renny be willing to interrupt the two of them. He'd seen the changes
in them this last week and knew that his own behaviour had prevented
them from consummating their new relationship. He would not compound
that now, not even to make his own dreams come true.
"I'm sure we can manage without." A gentle touch in his arm
drew his attention away from the drawer. "The condoms are the lubricated
variety, aren't they?"
"Yes, but
"
Benton pulled him down. "Then don't worry about it."
He kissed Benton again, slowly and with great care, then sat up. He
rolled the condom over his cock with steady fingers while Benton watched.
He was good at making love. All his lovers had told him so, and shown
by their pleasure that it was true, not just kind words. It gave him
a confidence in the bedroom that he seldom felt anywhere else. Now,
of all times, he needed that confidence as Benton drew his legs up accommodatingly
and he began a gentle investigation of the tight ring of muscle.
Benton was breathing in shallow panting gasps, using the technique to
relax his whole body and Renny positioned the tip of his cock carefully
against his anus, pressing into him. It took a while. Benton's cock
deflated slightly as the head of Renny's cock finally slipped inside
the firm grip of his body. He stroked the heavy cock tenderly, coaxing
it slowly back to fullness. Benton was absolutely still, his eyes closed,
his chest barely stirring.
Perhaps this was simply too uncomfortable for him. "Do you want
me to stop, Benton?"
A tiny frown appeared between Benton's eyebrows and a bead of sweat trickled
slowly down one cheek. "No. Don't stop." His tongue darted
out to caress his lower lip. His eyes opened a fraction. "Please."
At last Renny had managed to restore Benton's erection to its full glory.
He stared down at the gleaming wet cockhead, almost completely exposed
now, and calculated
he thought he could do it. He hunched his
back, almost doubling over and managed to stroke his tongue over its
moist surface, ignoring a shaken gasp from his lover. Pleased with himself
and with Benton's reaction, he swirled his tongue over the sensitive
cockhead and sucked gently. This time Benton's hips bucked, almost hard
enough to dislodge him completely. Renny straightened, stroking the
quivering muscles of Benton's belly until the other man settled.
It was time to stop playing, Renny decided. He pressed deeper into Benton's
body, more easily now, until his cock was completely sheathed in hot
flesh. He withdrew a little then slid back again in slow, gentle thrusts,
until he was satisfied that he wasn't going to cause any pain, then he
lowered himself over his lover, covering him with his body.
Benton smiled, touching his face with trembling fingertips. Being a
good two inches taller than Benton made it easy for them to kiss, and
for long, ecstatic minutes that was all they needed to do, while their
hips moved in slow harmony. But as their breathing grew more and more
ragged, and their bodies' demands escalated, Renny began to thrust deeper,
harder, and intimacy gave way to heart pounding lust.
Nothing mattered now to him, except the satisfaction of that primitive
instinct to climax. Their bodies strained towards that goal, slick with
sweat and the oozing pre-cum from Benton's cock, trapped between their
bodies.
"
Renfield. Renny, stop." Benton's strained voice broke
into his consciousness at last and he froze. What had he done? He lifted
his head and stared into Benton's face, fearing what he might see there.
But Benton was smiling shakily. "It's all right. I'd just like
to
"
He was already withdrawing. Instead of stopping him, Benton simply slid
out from under him and knelt upright, facing the wall, his hands braced
against the headboard. He looked back over his shoulder at Renny with
an open invitation in his eyes. With a shuddering sigh of relief, Renny
knelt behind him and entered him again, wrapping one arm around his waist
and stretching out the other to grasp the headboard.
Damp curls clung to the back of Benton's neck. Renny buried his face
against it, breathing in the scent of his sweat and soap from his morning
wash. His hips took up their interrupted rhythm, starting slowly and
building to an even greater level of urgency than before. His hand slid
down Benton's belly and took his cock in a firm hold. Benton made an
inarticulate sound deep in his chest and thrust furiously into his grasp.
This was even better than he could have imagined. Renny gave himself
up to the demands of his body, aware of nothing but the slippery feel
of Benton's skin against his, Benton's cock sliding easily through the
circle of his fingers. His cock pulsed, in warning at first and then
purposefully as he climaxed. It was echoed in Benton's cock and in the
sudden fierce clutch of muscles around Renny's cock, drawing still more
convulsive tremors from him. He bit his lip and rode it out in silence,
struggling just to breathe while Benton cried out hoarsely.
They were still upright. Renny recognised that fact with some inward
surprise. He was leaning limply against Benton's back, too exhausted
to move, except for his hand, still stroking Benton's rapidly softening
cock. But he would have to move soon, as his cock softened inside Benton's
body. He took a deep breath and managed to straighten up. They separated
easily and he slid the condom off his cock and tied it off neatly, tossing
it into the small trashcan they kept beside the bed.
Benton was lying sprawled on his back, watching him. Renny dropped down
next to him, still breathless, and was taken into a gentle embrace.
Words seemed to be particularly pointless at this stage; they exchanged
a long, satisfied kiss and lay in contented silence.
Renny's body was heavy with exhaustion; enough so that he was drifting
on the verge of sleep when he felt a light caress on his hair. With
an effort he levered his eyes open and looked into Benton's face. He
got a rather strange look in response and wondered, with a sinking sensation,
what he'd done to cause it.
Benton smiled at him, easing his worst fears. "That was wonderful,
Renfield. Thank you."
"Oh
" he blushed painfully. "No. Thank you."
How pathetically inadequate
he watched as Benton's lips parted
and wondered miserably if they were going to end up thanking each other
half a dozen times each before embarrassment forced them to stop.
A gleam of humour in Benton's eyes made Renny realise that he was probably
thinking the same thing. He giggled with nervous reaction and then wished
he hadn't. Benton's smile broadened and they kissed again. When the
kiss ended he settled with his head on Benton's shoulder, instinctively
choosing his favourite position before his befuddled mind had a chance
to realise that Benton might not like such an assumption of intimacy.
He waited for some kind of a sign, but his lover remained relaxed, and
even began stroking his hair again.
"Renfield
" Benton hesitated. "May I call you Renny?"
His heart began to beat faster. "Oh yes. Of course. Ben."
He tried the name cautiously. It felt rather wonderful to say it.
The fingers stroking his hair stilled for a moment then resumed their
movement. "I'm sorry I've hurt you in the past. I was wrong about
you. I realise that now."
"Oh, but
" he wanted to deny it, but there was no point.
Benton, Ben
had hurt him and they both knew it. "It
wasn't all your fault. Really. I wanted to impress you so much, and
it just made me look stupid, but I couldn't help myself." He slid
his arm around Ben's waist and smiled just to think he could call him
that even in his thoughts. "We can forget about that now, can't
we?"
A hand slid over his arm, caressingly. "Yes. Of course we can.
It'll be a new beginning for us. For all of us."
"Mmm." He sighed and closed his eyes as the gentle stroking
continued, surrendering at last to the drowsiness that was claiming him.
*
Kowalski was pulling on his shorts. It was a sight that Ray viewed with
mingled pleasure and regret. Pleasure because the sight of that pale
scrawny ass bending toward him was strangely attractive. Regret because
the glimpse of cock between his legs was a reminder of what was being
covered up. He sighed and pulled his robe firmly around his body.
He wondered how late it was. There was no sound no from the kitchen,
although the scent of coffee still drifted in the air. Ray went to check
it out.
The kitchen was deserted. There was a pitcher of orange juice on the
counter and a bowl of what looked like batter. Ray tasted it. Batter.
The coffee was sitting on its hotplate steaming gently and he poured
himself a cup. It looked like the two Mounties had found something else
to do. Ray grinned.
Kowalski came stumbling into the kitchen yawning and rubbing his already
messy hair. Its state hadn't been improved by their gymnastics. "Where
are they?"
"Take a wild guess Kowalski." Ray gestured towards the pot.
"Coffee?"
"Yeah, sure." Kowalski brightened considerably. He sipped
at the brew, which was on the bitter side from sitting in the pot too
long. It seemed to kick start his brain and he straightened up a little.
"Maybe I should go get them. I'm hungry."
"You do that. I'll get things started." Ray was already rummaging
in the fridge. He pulled out a pack of bacon and thought about frying
some eggs. Maybe later
there was nothing worse than overcooked
eggs. He carried the bacon over to the griller and turned it on.
By the time the bacon was sizzling Dief was sitting hopefully at his
feet and Kowalski still hadn't returned. Ray considered his options.
He should have known better than to send that randy bastard into a bedroom.
With a sigh he switched off the grill and dropped the bacon into Dief's
bowl. "Now you just wait for that to cool down, okay?"
Dief stared up at him scornfully. Ray took a last swig of the cooling
coffee and strolled towards the bedroom. It was already after ten, looked
like they'd be having breakfast really late today.
The End