Notes: Another response to Lex's wonderful post-episode sex pseudo-challenge, which not enough of you have answered by the way, but ... we digress. AOL Instant Messaging can be a useful writing tool. Props for this must be given to the wondrous Viridian, who once made the comment that the word "cauliflower" has never before, nor will it ever again, be uttered as sexily as it is by Fraser in Seeing is Believing. She also came up with the title, so this is for her.
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski Disclaimers, et al.: Alliance allegedly owns them. WhatEVER. If they were ours, they'd be tan all the time. Shockingly, this is only rated R, for implied boy-on-boy stuff and maybe the stray bad word. The episode in question is Seeing is Believing, although there aren't any spoilers in this as far as we can tell. Archiving here, Hexwood and DSX is just dandy with us, but anywhere else, please ask first.
Summary: Yet *another* conversation gone awry...
by LaT and Te
Meg Thatcher stepped back into the hallway a second time, clearly tired of waiting. As she opened her mouth to speak, Fraser quickly wondered if there was *anything* that could mollify her.
"Constable, I'm losing my patience. We need to ..."
"Eggplant." Fraser watched, fascinated, as the air of placid calm settled over her features. Thatcher was lovely, of course, but she could be quite trying at times. When she spoke again, her voice had a softness he was sure he'd never heard before.
"Unless, of course, you'd like to stay and talk to your friend. In fact, why don't you stay as long as you'd like."
"Thank you kindly, sir."
Fraser turned to Ray. "It works," he said, momentarily forgetting that Ray probably had no idea what he was talking about. If Ray *was* confused, he didn't act it, simply shrugged his shoulders and nodded. Fraser instantly decided that ascertaining the extent of Ray's understanding was probably *not* the smartest thing to do at the moment.
"She always like that?"
"Like what, Ray?"
"So ... shrill."
"She has her moments."
"Are you being face ... facet ... are you being funny?"
"Well, in the strictest sense of the term, I wasn't making an attempt to be humorous, Ray."
"So, like, what? She need a valium the size of a puddin' pop or somethin'?"
"She's in the sometimes unenviable position of being a woman in what is still a male-dominated working environment. That requires an ... edginess that might seem off-putting at times."
"Oh. That makes sense. I guess. Wanna go to a movie? "Asylum" is playin' at the mall. On like, a cagillion screens. It's supposed to be pretty cool."
"Although what I think I'd really like to do, Fraser, is take you back to my apartment and fuck you senseless. That sound like a plan?"
"Your plans are just one of the many things that make you a fine police officer, Ray."
"Then why are you just standing there twirlin' your hat? Pitter patter, Benton buddy...."
"Of course, we could get somethin' to eat first. I'm actually kinda hungry. I mean, for somethin' other than you."
"Wait, I meant iceberg lettuce. *Iceberg* lettuce."
"You know, Fraser, I think the supply closet locks from the inside."
"Does it really? How fascinating. I think I would enjoy examining the mechanism more closely."
"Examining the mechanism. Examining the mechanism? Mountie, is there some rule against you speaking English like a normal human, with slang and using words that cost less than $20?"
"No, Ray. I'm just being irritating again. Radish."
"Fraser, do you taste as creamy as you look?"
"Yes, Ray, I do. Shall we repair to the closet?"
"Is somethin' broken in there?"
"Not yet. Perhaps if we're diligent?"
"Diligent. I am all *over* that. And, Fraser?"
"Couldn't you have used something other than vegetables?"
" ... "