Title: "Go to Sleep Ray".
Rating: General H/C and m/m implications
Disclaimer: Not mine, sadly no money is made out of this.
Notes: This is my very first fanfic, I do not pretend it is good, in fact it's probably terrible. I can't do Rays accent, I haven't written fiction since I was about eight years old and it hasn't been beta read simply because I don't know anyone to ask.
I have been reading fanfic for years and have very rarely responded even when it has been great so I feel bad craving and hoping for feedback, I don't deserve it. Any comments much appreciated even it is just to tell me to stop wasting my time.
Many thanks to those at Serge Asylum, e-groups where I lurk regularly, finding great amusement in the general going on there.
"Go to Sleep Ray"
Fraser dropped on to the front of the car and landed with a practiced crouch next to Ray. He proceeded to try and help Ray upright, as he seemed to have got himself stuck head downwards in the back seats. Ray angrily pushed his hands away and manoeuvred himself into an upright position and scowled at Fraser while panting heavily.
"I got it, I'm good"
Ray did not look good at all, in fact he looked very not good. He looked exhausted, sick and Fraser idly wondered how much longer he could remain on his feet.
"I'm glad to hear that Ray, I suggest we exercise due caution when exiting the building as there may well be officers still remaining outside"
But even as he said this Fraser picked up the sounds of some officers pushing at the outside of the huge garage door and talking in subdued voices.
They both looked around in desperation, Rays barely controlled panic returning like a roaring freight train, momentarily paralysing him both physically and mentally. They were even worse off for places to hide now than they were previously, there was no time to climb up to the rafters and Fraser knew Ray would not be able to hang on even for a minimal amount of time. Fraser jumped off the car and pressed the lock on the trunk, relief spread through him as it opened to reveal and extremely small space but hopefully enough for them to both fit in. He looked to Ray expectantly, waiting for him to move but one look at Rays face showed him that he was in no state to start moving by himself, he seemed to have given up, as if he could simply not cope with anymore.
"In. Now." Fraser's harsh whisper seemed to galvanise Ray into action, albeit not at the speed Fraser would have liked to have seen.
Ray snapped out of his paralysis as he realized what Fraser was intending, he quietly slid out of the car and stood in front of the trunk, he seemed about to refuse but the grinding of the garage door spurred him into the trunk as the fear of the being incarcerated overrode his dislike of small places. As he climbed in Fraser instantly climbed in behind him, pulling the roof of the trunk closed with a slam, which was fortunately hidden by the noise of the garage door.
In the small, dark space of the trunk both Ray and Fraser seemed to be holding their breath as the sound of two policemen reached their ears. The conversation soon made it apparent that they had mislaid a flashlight but after a perfunctory look around they seemed to lose interest and left again, turning off the lights behind them and leaving Fraser and Ray in total darkness.
Fraser and Ray simultaneously let out a deep sigh of relief and began to move. It was only at this point they realised how truly small the space was. The car was not large and the trunk space reflected this. Fraser's shoulders almost touched the roof and both their heads were at uncomfortable angles against the side and although they were spooned together with Rays back to Fraser's stomach and their knees pushed together in, there was still not much width space for manoeuvring.
"They gone do you think?" asked Ray, in a still hushed voice, trusting Fraser's hearing more than his own.
"I believe so Ray"
"Okay, lets move it then"
Fraser steeled himself for the explosion, which he knew, would come once when Ray realised their somewhat unfortunate predicament.
"Well, I think there may be a small problem with that Ray, the trunk is locked and I suspect cannot be opened from the inside"
"You mean we're stuck in here?"
"Well, yes for the meantime, however I believe that Diefenbaker will be at this moment..."
Fraser trailed off as Ray registered what was being said and apparently decided to make his disapproval known in the physical and vocal manner that Fraser had anticipated would occur.
In general Fraser tried to be tolerant of Rays frequent outbursts but in this case as soon as Ray began to shout and kick Fraser realized he was going to have to curtail the tantrum and very soon. Partly because here was the very real possibility of someone hearing and also because every kick and slam that Ray applied to the roof of the trunk seemed to be reflected in its return directly into Fraser's ribs and shins with no little force. Fraser struggled against the onslaught of noise, elbows and heels to get his left arm up from his side and slipped it under Rays neck, just as Rays head came back and slammed into Fraser's nose, making Fraser see a bright display of stars in the darkness and stunning him for a moment. As the stars receded Fraser was gripped with a wave of irritation caused by pain and noise.
Fraser's left arm continued its motion under Rays neck and around his body where he promptly grabbed hold of the flailing arms and fists and trapped them against Rays own body, simultaneously his right hand controlled Rays head by placing his palm firmly over Rays mouth and pushing his head back to Fraser's shoulder. When the kicking continued Fraser simply picked up his right leg and curled it around Ray's thighs thus effectively blocking any serious further movement. Ray didn't stop fighting immediately, giving Fraser time to question whether this was the best course of action but the relief of not having Ray yelling in his ear was probably enough to justify it.
"Shut up Ray", said Fraser, surprised at himself at the harshness in the tone of voice but the noise and the pain in his nose had really aggravated him beyond belief. He felt and heard Ray breathing heavily beneath his hand and wondered briefly if he was having trouble breathing, but the continued muffled sounds of shouting and wriggling quickly dispelled any sympathy he might have felt.
Continuing to restrain him and speaking firmly in Rays ear, Fraser repeated his instructions.
"Ray, I'll let you go when you stop but not before as the kicking and hitting are hurting me in this space and your shouting is just too much for me to handle at the moment. Further more we don't know how many policemen are outside and the noise is very likely to attract attention."
A few seconds later the message appeared to get through and Fraser felt the movement still beside him although the tension in his body was still clearly there. A muffled noise seemed to be Rays attempt to indicate he was ready to stop and Fraser slowly removed his hand from Ray's mouth although he continued to hold the rest of his body tightly for a few moments more, just in case the lull was temporary.
The sound of harsh, panicked breathing from beside him instantly made Fraser feel guilty at what he had just done, if Ray wasn't claustrophobic before he almost certainly would be now. He refrained from words of comfort knowing they wouldn't be well received at the moment. As soon as he was in control of his voice again Ray started to talk. This time, Fraser was relieved to note in a voice not much more than a whisper.
"Fraser we're stuck, its dark and no-one knows we're here, we could be here till next week by which time we'll be dead because there's no air and people will just find us because of the smell. I can't breathe properly Fraser and I'm gonna be sick"
With that, Rays breathing seemed to speed up and Rays concern of be sick seemed to be taking on almost reasonable odds. Something Fraser could live without.
"Breathe deeply Ray, keep calm and let me explain. First of all Diefenbaker knows where we are and I have no doubt that he understands the situation and is even at this moment hurrying to get Turnbull to come and fetch us and although this may take some time I can hardly imagine longer than a couple of hours. Secondly, I noticed an armrest in the back seats of the car and if you can push in the centre in front of you it is possible it may fold down and supply us with additional air while we wait. Thirdly if this trunk is airtight and not allowing enough oxygen in for us to live, it is unlikely enough air can pass out for our smell to alert people to notice our decaying bodies.
The third point was lost as Ray started running frantically his hands along the back of the seats, feeling blindly for the arm rest Fraser had noticed earlier, when he found it he pushed hard and a welcome rush of air entered the small area. Although the space was not nearly enough to crawl through, barely enough to push an arm through, it did seem to relieve some of the claustrophobia that they could both feel building. That done, Ray lay back resting his head on Fraser's shoulder, which still lay under his neck.
"Okay, so we're not going to suffocate but don't try to make me happy about the fact that we are relying on a deaf wolf and a slightly demented Mountie to rescue us. There is no good side to this situation"
A great deal of shifting around followed as the two men tried to make themselves comfortable in a space that would have been too small for even one of them. Ray moved slightly lower so that Fraser's head was no longer squashed up against the side and both their legs moved into the lower corner so the could straighten ever so slightly. As a result although they were very close together with Rays back directly to Fraser's stomach they could at least relax.
"So what now Fraser?"
"Well, we wait"
"I told you, I'm not good at this patience stuff and especially not good at it when I can't move and can't hardly breathe."
"You can breathe just fine Ray, whey don't you relax and do something useful like get some sleep for instance".
Rays irritation was immense, Fraser could feel the tension build again in his shoulders as he attempted, with no success to put some space between himself and Fraser.
"That is just dumb. Fraser I have never heard a more stupid idea. Here we are being chased by cops who want to put my butt in prison, having just been captured and threatened by the Mafia, we have a murder to solve for which I have been framed and now we are waiting for a deaf wolf to relate the our situation to Turnbull the twit and you think we should sleep. You are unhinged."
"It was a simple suggestion based on the fact that you didn't sleep at all last night, you look exhausted and the kind of stress that you have been under in the last couple of days can be extremely tiring both physically and mentally and that we still have to come up with a plan to get you out of this mess. Therefore in the absence any other possible course of action at the moment sleep sounds like a wise plan".
"I did sleep last night"
"No you didn't."
"Fraser, don't you think I would know if I slept last night, seeing as I was the one doing it."
"Yes, curiously you would think you would know, but unless it was a ghost changing TV stations all night and pacing up and down the office and the hall with exactly your footsteps while feeding Diefenbaker pizza, I fail to think of any other conclusion to reach other than that it was you. Of course you could have been sleepwalking and watching TV in your sleep."
Ray wisely decided to leave it at that, although he bristled at the fact of being pretty much caught lying.
"I'm not going to sleep."
"Fine, suit yourself, it was merely a suggestion."
Silence and stillness followed and Fraser was beginning to think that Ray had fallen asleep despite himself when he felt a slight shivering against his chest. Although concerned he ignored it, not wanting to aggravate Ray any further. Fraser knew that Ray was barely holding it together but also knew that this state of mind tended to made Ray extremely short tempered and aggressive, not a state of affairs he was willing to deal with while in such a small space. He knew that the temper tantrum displayed earlier could flare up very easily and although he had no doubt he could deal with it in exactly the same way, it was not something he wished to do.
The shivering increased in intensity and Fraser was just about to mention it when Ray spoke in a voice that sounded so desolate that it Fraser felt a wave of sympathy wash over him.
"I'm cold, Frase"
With that Ray appeared to give up on controlling the shivers and they increased further, his teeth started to chatter and he attempted to curl into a ball. Unfortunately space did not allow for this and he simply crossed his arms and put his hands under his armpits.
Fraser was in fact too warm and could feel a sweat breaking out down his back but he knew that people experienced temperature differently and Ray did appear to be of the type who was unduly sensitive to the cold. However Fraser was still worried. Without further ado lifted his left arm up from where it lay under Ray's neck and felt Rays brow. Simultaneously he used his right hand to find Rays hand under his armpit. Both felt icy cold.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Feeling to see if you have a fever Ray or if you are in fact just cold because of a low body temperature. If you had a fever you could feel very hot to touch, however you feel simply cold. Very cold in fact."
"I know that Fraser, I'm the one who's shivering here."
Fraser strongly suspected that the adrenalin rush that Ray had experienced earlier was leaving him exhausted and now he was still his body heat was dropping at an alarming rate. He knew also that the high level of stress he had experienced in the last couple of days was draining him of the energy required to keep warm and that despite the vast quantity of pizzas ordered, very little had actually been eaten by him, Diefenbaker had appeared to be the main beneficiary.
Fraser let go of Ray's hand and began to unbutton his own tunic. When he had done so he opened it and pulled Ray firmly against his chest, putting the edges of his jacket over Rays arms and wrapped him in what could only be described as a bear hug. He also put his right leg over Rays and pulled his legs in tighter to him, leaving him almost totally restrained and enclosed in Fraser's much heavier limbs.
"Fraser, stop it. Let go." This was punctuated by wriggling.
"Stop what exactly Ray?"
"That thing you're doing, that...that cuddling thing that you're doing. Stop it. Guys don't do that stuff. Let me go". More wriggling.
"The closer we are together and the more body contact we have, the more you can conserve body heat and seeing as I appear to be considerably warmer than you at the moment this action will transfer some of my body heat to you, causing you to warm up and at the very least make the wait more comfortable for you".
Ray made a disapproving noise in the darkness.
"I'm sure it'll help me warm up but it's still cuddling and guys don't do it and I don't care if people do it during Sunday school all over the Arctic but you can't do it here. People might say stuff".
"There's no-one here to talk but us Ray and if you don't tell anyone then I won't, your virtue is safe with me. Anyway, you could just put it down to a weird Canadian thing".
Fraser grinned into the darkness as he could feel Rays mental struggle as he tried to decide whether or not he could cope with this. The grin dimmed a little as he smelled the back of Rays hair and felt a strong impulse to bury his nose in it and inhale further, Ray felt so right in his arms and the compulsion to kiss the back of his neck almost overwhelmed him. Guilt brought him back to earth with a crash. He loosened his hold slightly on Ray and took on an apologetic tone of voice.
"I'm sorry Ray, if you find it uncomfortable, I'm sure the cold won't do any serious damage and you will be fine" he paused and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I understand that you find it unacceptable. It was just an idea."
Ray seemed surprised at the apology and detected the hurt and rejection apparent in Fraser's voice. He immediately adopted a conciliatory tone.
"S'okay Frase. It's fine. Feels kinda nice actually but don't tell anyone cos if you do I'll kick you in the head okay?"
Ray lay back and felt the warmth from Fraser's chest against his back and his arms across his chest. The heavy leg over his own felt comforting and he closed his eyes. He hated this. Hated that lying here with Fraser wrapped around him made him feel so safe and warm that he almost wanted to go to sleep. Hated that the only person who had cuddled him in years was simply doing so to stop him from freezing to death, hated that he knew he should be stronger and not be the pathetic person here who could not cope with the cold and was just waiting for his friend to get him out of a mess that was entirely his own making.
He didn't recall a time of actually being cuddled. He remembered doing the cuddling, Stella was smaller than him and it wasn't like she actually wanted to be reminded that he was kind of pathetic and needy. In her book guys did the holding and to suggest otherwise would have let her know exactly how much of a wimp he was. Ever since he had burst into the consulate he knew he had wanted Fraser just to hold him tight and tell him it was going to be okay, that Fraser was going to take charge and sort it all out like some kind of knight in shining armour. Last night as he had been wandering the halls of the consulate in the early hours of the morning he had felt so alone and so cold, wondering how Fraser would take it if he had just wandered in and told him he wanted to spend the night in his bed just so he could feel safe and loved while he was close to him.
A wave of self-loathing swept over him, causing the nausea and stomachache from earlier to return with a vengeance. He let out a small groan and felt his stomach muscles cramp, causing him to draw his legs up as far as he could.
Fraser heard the groan and felt the sudden movement of Ray's legs.
"What is it Ray, what's wrong?"
Ray screwed his eyes shut and held his breath as the pain reached a peak. He shook his head as he tried to gather his thoughts enough to speak.
"Is something hurting Ray?" came Fraser's voice out of the darkness and Ray nodded slightly.
"Stomach" he managed to get out, just as the pain began to recede to the point at which he could talk. He immediately felt embarrassed. *Way to go Ray, just one more thing to be pathetic about in front of Fraser*.
"Its okay now Frase, its gone." He lied "just too much pizza probably".
"More like too little" said Fraser, his concern coming across as irritation as he knew Ray was lying, firstly that the stomachache had gone and secondly that he had eaten too much pizza. He chided himself on being terse with someone who was obviously in pain but it hurt him that Ray felt the continuing need to lie to him, wouldn't let him in so he could at least try to help.
"What do you mean by that?" came Rays challenging voice, the change in tone very obvious in the dark. Fraser recognised that battle stations were again being drawn but he felt powerless to back down.
"I simply mean that in the last 24 hours I have seen you order pizza, complain about pizza, sniff pizza, nibble at pizza, feed pizza to Diefenbaker, move pizza around its box but at no point have I actually seen you eat any appreciable amount of pizza. Or any type of food for that matter."
"Well quite obviously you weren't looking when I was eating it, not that it's any of your business anyway".
"Well it must have been magic pizza then as the ones I threw away in the kitchen were missing only the slices that were accounted for by myself, Turnbull and Diefenbaker so the ones eaten by you apparently reconstituted themselves in the box after you had consumed them".
"Jesus Fraser, where do you get off on being such a nosey parker. You would think that you had better things to do with your time than hang around watching how much I eat and sleep. Jesus
Freak" This time the 'freak' was not meant affectionately and Fraser knew it. It was so tempting to just tell him *only when it comes to you Ray, do I notice everything* but he imagined the speed with which Ray would be up and out of this trunk, locked or not if he dared express it. He'd probable feel safer in police custody. Instead he tried to turn the conversation to a less adversarial tone.
"Let me feel."
"Feel what?" said Ray, still angry at what he saw as Fraser's invasion of privacy.
"Your stomach. Maybe I can see if I determine if it is caused by your lack of decent eating habits or by stress and we can make a plan accordingly".
"And how exactly are you going to know this Fraser? some weird Inuit ritual or just intuition".
"Neither, Ray" said Fraser patiently. "If it is stress then certain muscle groups in your stomach will have spasmed and feel tender to the touch and if it is lack of food this too will be apparent upon examination and will hurt when massaged in a certain manner".
Ray considered the suggestion and then asked suspiciously.
"What difference does it make anyway, it hurts the same whatever is causing it and there is nothing you can do so why bother?
"On the contrary Ray different remedies are necessary. If it is caused by stress then applying warmth to the affected muscle groups can relieve some suffering and if it is caused by hunger then gently massage has been known to work. I have had some limited experience at massage and my hands are very much warmer than yours at the moment."
Ray was about to argue further when another unexpected wave of pain hit him and left him breathless.
"Okay" he murmured, hurting and too tired to continue this discussion any further and he knew Fraser would not let the matter drop until he had convinced Ray to allow him to feel his stomach and do whatever else he had decided he was going to do. Sometimes Fraser's commitment to a plan of action was about as difficult to stop as a speeding freight train going down hill with no brakes.
Ray felt Fraser's hands undoing the snaps on Turnbulls tunic and pulling at the while cotton Henley he had worn underneath. It felt odd for someone else to be pulling at his clothes and once again he felt a pang of sadness that is wasn't for some other reason. The warmth of Fraser's hand on his belly took him by surprise and caused a sudden intake of breath.
"Sorry Ray, did that hurt?"
"Uh no, just your hands are warm, didn't expect it".
Ray relaxed and began to enjoy the sensation as Fraser's hands began to gently palpate the area of Ray's stomach that hurt, his hands felt big and almost too warm as they worked their way around their way around the muscles. It felt like it had been so long since anyone had touched him with any kind of intimacy and tenderness that he almost begged out loud for more. He briefly thanked any Gods that existed that Fraser didn't know exactly how much pleasure he was getting from his touch, imagining Fraser's quick and embarrassed withdrawal if he had any idea of how many times Ray had thought about Fraser touching him.
Fraser felt Rays stomach with enthusiasm that was hard to contain. The muscles beneath his hand were solid and each time he touched the top of the waistband of Turnbulls uniform jodhpurs he had to restrain from the huge temptation just to move downwards. The phrase 'pain is so close to pleasure' popped into mind as the sweet torment continued. As he moved upwards he took a brief detour over Rays ribs and his fingers established what he already suspected, that Ray didn't eat properly and hadn't been doing so in quite a while but rather than start another argument he simply resigned himself to gently encouraging Ray to eat more regularly in the future. He briefly wished that Ray was more receptive to gestures of caring and wondered if it was only with him that such gestures were so firmly rebuked.
Fraser quickly established that this was a stomachache primarily due to stress, possibly Ray was used to eating very little his stomach had adapted to his. Without withdrawing his hand he spoke gently to Ray.
"Ray, you appear to have a stress induced stomach ache. The best course of action is heat and gently massage, for this reason I think I should continue the massage as your hands are simply too cold to provide additional heat".
Expecting to hear at least a token protest, Fraser was nothing short of amazed to hear a sleepy "Whatever" coming from beside him.
He continued to move his hands gently over Ray's stomach, marvelling at how smooth the skin was and how slim and muscular the lean torso was. He continued to hold Ray tightly in his grasp while slowly expanding the area he was massaging with a gentle and appreciative hand.
Minutes passed and Fraser felt the tension gradually leaving Rays body as he relaxed in his warm embrace and drifted quietly off to sleep. Fraser smiled, pulled his shirt back down and slowly, carefully reached up to stroke his hair.
He whispered quietly into the back of his head "Sleep well Ray, I love you".
Beside him Ray slept.
That's all folks, again feedback is desperately craved for and if you liked it there is more of this stuff on my hard drive.