Due South Down South
By: Karen Flieger
Note: This story was originally titled Fraser's Cousin. (Fraser's Cousin ended up with some problems in continuity) The usual rhetoric applies: Due South is the property of Alliance, and every last character and trademark belongs to them and will be returned in tip top condition. My friends and I are the properties of ourselves. No harm is meant to any of them. Kmart, Waffle House, and Kennesaw State UNIVERSITY will also be returned in mint condition. Send comments, clueless Mounties, Catholic churches, Noah Wyles, and Chicago Pizzas to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you kindly and enjoy....
Due South Down South
"Benny! Come on, we're gonna be late." Ray shouted up the staircase at his friend and police partner Constable Benton Fraser. "Come on, Benny. It can't be that bad."
"You have to promise that you wont laugh, Ray." Constable Fraser sighed.
"Why would I laugh, Benny? They're just shorts. Come on, I wasn't going to let my Canuck buddy die of heatstroke down here. Just put on the shorts and come on all ready!"
"Well, all right Ray." Fraser sighed. "Do you think Diefenbaker is all right?"
"Dief's fine. You put him in the care of Mackenzie King. All the doughnuts he can eat. Thank God you didn't give him to Frannie." Ray chuckled. "He'd bark and she'd scream. If he so much as whimpered, Frannie would go bananas."
"Hey, Ray. Benny, are you ready to go? I promised Jill I'd pick Karen up from campus soon. Ben, you can get out of the closet now. We weren't going to let you wear that serge here." Laughed a good-natured young man in shorts and a white t-shirt.
The doorbell rang, and a Shetland Sheepdog at Ray's feet became excited. "Casey, settle down." His master sighed, and picked a strand of hair from off of his Late Night with Kermit Letterfrog shirt. "It's just Ryan."
"Nice to see you too, Brian." Joked another young man.
"Oh, you know what I meant! Ryan, this is Detective Ray Vecchio and that is my cousin, Constable Benton Fraser R.C.M.P. We gotta go. Jill wants Karen at the house at approximately five this afternoon. It's two-thirty now...."
"Well, Brian, that gives us more than two hours." Ryan sighed. "Calm down."
"Nothing can go wrong. Jill would KILL me." Brian sighed. "She and Cherie and Sheila are getting all the decorations set up, and Mrs. Barnes is making the cake. So far, so good."
"Plenty of room for chaos." Ray grinned. "Besides, didn't she have a test today?"
"A history test. Which means she's out by now. She's a smart girl." Brian sighed. "She's probably sitting in the computer lab surfing the net. She wouldn't stand around in the hot sun on a day like today."
"Maybe she went to get something to eat?" Fraser suggested, preparing himself for a nasty comment about his shorts. He doubted one was coming. Ray had snickered, Brian was known for being not quite observant, and Ryan was entirely too timid.
"I hope not. Ruin her birthday lunch?" Ryan shook his head. "I doubt it. She does know WE'RE picking her up and not Jill, right?"
Brian shook his head.
"Well, then wont this look a little suspicious? I mean, picking her up at the school, keeping her from her own house?" Ryan asked.
"Kid, lighten up. This is a birthday party, not a secret mission. Everything will be fine." Ray rolled his eyes, just as the phone rang.
"Hello," Brian greeted.
"Hey, it's Jill. Karen just called. Her final is over, and she's ready to get out of there. You guys know the drill, right? Amanda called, wanted me to drive her somewhere, and we got stuck. I called you, and you were home so you agreed to pick her up." Jill rattled off the details.
"I got it." Brian declared.
"O.K. then, see ya later." Jill ended the conversation.
"Bye, Jill." Brian said, hanging up the receiver. "Let's go, guys."
"Do I really have to leave the house looking this silly, Ray? Brian?" Fraser sighed. "YES!" Ray and Brian shouted.
The drive to campus was an easy one in Ray's Riveria. Brian had to admit it was much more comfortable than his own little brown Datsun. Sure enough, Karen was standing around in the parking lot, reviewing her math notes for the next day's test.
Brian stuck his head out the window when Ray stopped the car. "Hey, little lady...would you like a ride?"
"Nope." Karen didn't look up from her books. "My ride is coming soon, but thank you anyway."
"No she's not..." Brian sang.
Now Karen looked up and got ready to keep this dork from kidnapping her. "How do you know my friend's not coming?....Brian?! Don't do that!" She shouted when she finally recognized her friend. "You scared the you-know-what out of me!"
"I didn't mean to! You just didn't look, oh and you knew it was me!" Brian argued. "Just get in the car."
"But that's not your car." Karen teased.
"You don't have to make this difficult." Ryan put his two cents in. "Is Jill all right?" Karen asked.
"Jill is fine. She had to run out and get something, but she ran into Amanda and well, the rest is.. you know Amanda!" Brian sighed.
"All I ask is one day. One day off to hang out with my best friend. No, I get a test and the run around." Karen sighed.
"I'm not your best friend?" Brian sighed, his feelings hurt.
"Well, you guys are my best boyfriends." Karen admitted to Brian and Ryan. "I'm not sure I know them, but they look very familiar. Then again, these days, everyone looks familiar!"
"Cookie,Ben?" Brian asked, handing his cousin a piece of a chocolate chip cookie.
"Thank you kindly, Brian."
"You got me Paul Gross and David Marciano for my birthday. How cool! You know how much I love Due South!"
"Well, we tried to get you John Lennon and Paul McCartney, but John was sort of dead and Paul's awfully busy." Ryan admitted.
"We also tried George Clooney and Noah Wyle, but they've got plans too." Brian sighed. "So, I remembered something. My "Cousin" Paul. He's actually like a friend of the family."
"How cool. Have they met Jill yet?"
"Later on." David Marciano sighed.
"I knew your Riv looked familiar, Mr.Marciano." Karen laughed.
"You can call me Dave."
"This is the coolest birthday ever. Thank you guys sooo much!" Karen gave Ryan and Brian each a kiss on the cheek.
"Don't you mean thank you kindly, Karen?" Paul Gross teased.