The title and inspiration for this story were taken from the Offspring's song "She's Got Issues" from the Americana CD. Send comments to Nerine1431@aol.com

Turnbull entered his apartment building, body aching from the walking he had done all day while on duty. He wanted nothing more then to go into his apartment and rest his tired muscles. However, in order to achieve his goal he had to make the harrowing journey from the elevator and past Ms. Robinson's apartment, which was something not easily accomplished.

Taking care not to make a lot of noise, Turnbull slowly and silently walked by apartment 510, praying as he did, for he did not want to attract the attention of Ms. Robinson. He was almost past her door when it suddenly flew open and Ms. Robinson stood in the doorway, a large smile upon her face. She has waited all day for this moment. Turnbull cursed to himself however he manfully turned to greet her.

"Hello Ms. Robinson. I hope you are well today."

"Constable Turnbull," she said trying to sound seductive, as she swayed her hips in an exaggerated way. "I am now." She wiggled her eyebrows and he forced a smile onto his face. "Oh Constable I am making this wonderful Italian dinner will you join me?" She slipped her arm around his.

"Uh," Turnbull froze. "I would love to, however duty calls."

"I thought you just got off work?"

"Yes, well, I am afraid that I have a lot of.....paper work. Tons, really, and it will take most of the night, but thank you anyway." With some effort Turnbull pulled his arm free.

"Oh, all right," she frowned, trying to make Turnbull feel guilty but he was too busy darting off to his apartment to take notice of her sadness

Once inside he locked the door and breathed a sigh of relief. She always seemed to be looming about as if she were the Angel of Death; and appearing at the most inopportune moments. While Turnbull had to admit she was attractive he was turned off by her eagerness to throw herself at him.

The phone rang and Turnbull paused, wondering if he should answer it. He had a suspicion Ms. Robinson was calling him, and she would tell him some fanciful story in an attempt to make him come over. The phone rang for the twelfth time and Turnbull wondered if she would hang up.

"Of course if she does hang up there is always the possibility she will come over, wondering why I am not answering the phone." Turnbull thought to himself. He did not want to see her again.

"Hello!" Turnbull said, lunging for the phone, praying she did not hang up. "Yes Ms. Robinson. No, maybe you should call a plumber. No, honestly I believe that is out of my expertise. Well, if the sink doesn't drain then yes I believe it is a plumbing problem. Perhaps you should use draino....um no I don't have any. Yes, no, oh no..would you look at that? My......kitchen is on fire. Yes, I have to go...bye." Turnbull hung up the phone and groaned. The thought of moving had penetrated his mind once or twice but he feared Ms. Robinson would follow him.

He laid down on the sofa his mind running wild as he thought about Chicago and Francesca. Turnbull missed her terribly, and wanted nothing more then to see her again, but duty prevented such a luxury. He wrote her often, but found her letters were speratic which lead him to believe Fran found another man.

"Constable Fraser is no doubt attending to her needs now," he thought, however before Turnbull could wallow in his sorrow the phone rang again. Placing a pillow over his head he groaned into it. He knew it was Ms. Robinson making sure his apartment had not burned down. A minute had passed since her first call.

"Hello? I am fine Ms. Robinson. Yes it was a small fire. Um no ma'am I don't believe we have cobras in Canada. No,...no I am not doubting you saw a snake, I am simply saying that...yes..no....perhaps you should call the animal shelter. Yes, I know I am a member of the Royal...yes ma'am. Oh, I have another call, wait a moment please." Turnbull threw the phone on the floor. God he missed Chicago!

*** ***

Turnbull gazed out his kitchen window watching the world pass him by. He leaned his head against he glass and closed his eyes wondering what would have become of him if he refused the transfer and stayed with Francesca. He would have been happier there was no doubt of that. Of course he might have lost his position with the RCMP and he treasured his job. But he missed Fran and found he was thinking of her often. Turnbull longed to have one more day with her to tell her the things he felt, for he hated his hasty departure.

"Constable!" Ms. Robinson called from outside his door then proceeded to knock. Turnbull opened his eyes and sighed. For a brief moment he decided not to answer the door, hoping she would leave. The knocks grew louder and became more intense causing Turnbull to come to the conclusion she would not depart.

Turnbull opened the door to see Ms. Robinson holding up a pie for him. He forced a smile onto his face, trying to be gentlemanly, although blocking the door so she could not force her way into his apartment.

"Hello Ms. Robinson. May I help..."

"I baked you a pie." She thrust it towards his face. " I hope you like it." Ms. Robinson handed him the pie.

"How thoughtful." He could think of nothing else to say which caused a long uneasy pause between them.

"May I come in?" Ms. Robinson asked, finally breaking the silence.

"In?"

"Yes," she said trying to peer over his shoulder. Ms. Robinson had never been inside his apartment despite her desperate attempts to.

"Uh-no. I'm afraid you can not because I'm doing...police work which is top secret."

"Oh." She looked up at him with her green eyes. "You are so important."

"I suppose."

That is what I love about you Constable Turnbull, you are so dedicated to your work, and modest." She grabbed his shirt. "I love that in a man. You make me so hot inside." Growling like a cat she rubbed herself against Turnbull's body, in an obscene way. Shocked by her actions he dropped the pie, which smashed on the carpet.

"Oh, Constable Turnbull, you are so clumsy at times. But I love you despite it." She laughed and slapped his chest, however Turnbull found no amusement in the whole situation.

"I'll clean the mess up Ms. Robinson, you don't need to bother," he told her hoping she would leave.

"It's no trouble," she said, as she bent down to help him. Ms. Robinson inched herself closer to him. Turnbull, fearful of what she would attempt next, did not speak as he quickly picked the pie pieces up and placed them in the tin. When he finished he quickly stood up.

"Thank you for the pie Ms. Robinson, I am sorry I dropped it." Turnbull took another step back into his apartment.

"I will bake another one if you like." She took a step towards him and he took another step back.

"I would like that very much," he lied. "Now, if you will excuse me I have work that needs to be done. Thank you again." Turnbull tapped the door closed with his foot, but Ms. Robinson stopped it.

"Constable Turnbull.."

"Yes?" he asked, nervous.

"You are so sexy." Ms. Robinson blew him a kiss and shut the door. He sighed as he walked towards the kitchen to dispose of the pie.

*** ***

Turnbull groaned and through sleep eyes glanced at his alarm clock which read 3:45. "Oh god," he grumbled, and fell out of bed. He had a good idea of who was knocking at his door so late.

He stumbled through his room, only to hit his foot upon the bedpost, which made him curse. Turnbull limped into the living room and turned on the light only to blind himself by the light. Frantically he blinked his eyes, hoping they would become adjusted more quickly. Finally, he made it to the door and peered through the peephole. Ms. Robinson stood in her robe awaiting him. His head hit the door and he grumbled to himself. Finally he decided he had to answer the door or her pounding would wake the neighbors.

"Can I help you Ms. Robinson?" Turnbull asked, his head peering from behind the door.

"Constable there is a man in my apartment."

"Call the police," he offered and she shoved the door open, smacking him in the face.

"You are the police!" Ms. Robinson snapped, as he rubbed his sore forehead.

"Constable." Her eyes became large as she studied his body. Turnbull suddenly realized he was in his boxers and colored. He instantly forgot his nagging head and swiftly closed the door upon her face. Realizing his rude behavior he reopened the door particaly.

"Sorry Ms. Robinson but I can not help you." She smiled at him and he closed the door again.

**** ****

Once again Turnbull found himself creeping silently by Ms. Robinson's apartment, hoping not to arouse her suspicion. He was nearly past the door his goal was within his reach. If he were lucky he would easily duck into the elevator eluding her. He held his breath, eyes locked upon her door as he prayed she would not open it. Turnbull took another step, victory within sight.

"Constable," Ms. Robinson said, opening her door suddenly.

"Oh dear," he mutted, mimicking Constable Fraser.

Ms. Robinson had one hand placed upon the door, the other on her hip as she stood seductively in a lacy black teddy. She smiled and winked at him, attempting to lure him into her apartment.

Turnbull could not move. He stood frozen like a deer caught in the headlights. He was unaware of what to do. Ms. Robinson stood, waiting for him to take her while his neighbors walked by whispering amongst themselves and giving Turnbull strange looks.

His ample training at the academy had not prepared him for this.

Turnbull decided the best course of action for this situation called for him, not to handle it in some dignified or gentlemanly manner..but to run for the stairs. The quicker he escaped the situation the safer he would be. So, he ran for the stairs because he feared he would have to wait for the elevator allowing Ms. Robinson to trap him.

"Turnbull!" Ms. Robinson called from the doorway but he did not turn back.

Upon reaching the stairway Turnbull looked behind him, making sure he was safe and she was not following him. He did no know how much more of this he could handle.