Standard Disclaimer: due South and it's characters belong to Alliance.
I just use them for fun. Hopefully they will return to their world unharmed
and ready for other people to play with them.
WARNINGS: AU Adult PG Cursing Humor
PAIRING (S): Francesca Vecchio/Benton Fraser (very slight)
TEASER: This is what happens when you go to chat. :)
SPOILER: Lyric for the songs taken from the Doctor Demnto website.
Sorry. Too lazy to put the names of the artists on and one of the songs
Special thanks to Lucky13 for doing the beta work on this. RayK is
her baby and I know she knows him oh so well. And there is a certain
line spoken by Frannie about her dear brother that I stole from Lucky.
You'll know it when you read it.
Originally posted to RedSuitsYou@onelist.com
Ray Kowalski tapped his fingers against the steering wheel of his GTO as he slumped in the seat. Glancing to his right, he watched Fraser writing in a small notebook. "Whatcha doin Frase?" Without looking up, he smiled slightly. "I'm writing the days events in my journal." "Journal? You mean diary." Fraser closed the small book. "You could call it a diary of sorts, but it is actually a journal. A diary usually consists of..." "Fraser." "Yes Ray?" "I don't need a class on what the word diary means. I know what it is. That..." He pointed at the book in Fraser's hand. "...is a diary. You just give everything a fancy name." "Now that's just silly Ray." "No, you're silly." "Ray..." "Let's drop it! You always have to be right don't cha? How in the hell did Vecchio ever stand it?"
Fraser's eyes showed his sadness at the mention of Ray Vecchio and he turned away from Ray to look out the passenger window. "Aw come on. You don't think I meant anything by it do ya?" Fraser's answer was a soft whisper. "No." He didn't turn to look back at Ray. *Damn he's touchy.* "Look, I know ya miss the guy, but come on. He'll be back soon and you'll be rid of me. Everyone'll be happy." Fraser turned back and looked at the spiky haired blonde. "But what about you? Will you be happy?"
Ray wiped a hand across his mouth. "Hey...does it matter? I mean I ain't family or anything. Vecchio comes back, him and the Ice Queen hook up again and you have your best bud back. Then I get shipped out somewhere." Fraser chuckled and shook his head. "What's so funny?" "You Ray. You're funny." "Yeah and what's that supposed to mean?" "You're 'not' family? You've been here for a year now. You've shared dinners, been involved in the holidays with us. You helped deliver my second child. You're as much a part of this family as I am."
Ray gave Fraser a look of disbelief. "Yeah right. I ain't married to no one in the family. You are." Fraser smiled at him again. "I was a part of the family even before I married Francesca. It took me some time to realize it, but I was. Just as you are now." Fraser stared at Ray intently, causing the other man to feel uncomfortable. He looked out the windshield to avoid Fraser's penetrating gaze. Reaching down he snapped on the radio. "I need some music." "Ray, I think you need..." "Let's talk about somethin else O.K.?" He turned the knob on the radio, skipping over station after station. "Sucks...sucks...sucks...hey! All right! We have quality programming here Frase."
Fraser cocked his head to the side, listening to the song. His eyes widened at the words as Ray sang along with it. "Dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies aren't much fun. They don't come when you call; They don't chase squirrels at all. Dead puppies aren't much fun. My puppy died late last fall; He's still rotting in the hall. Dead puppies aren't much fun. No, no, no. Mom says puppy's days are through; She's going to throw him in the stew. Dead puppies aren't much fun. Dead puppies. Dead dead dead dead puppies. Dead puppies aren't much fun." "Ray!" Ray smirked and looked at Fraser's shocked face. "Yeah Benton buddy?" "What is this?" "Dead Puppies." Fraser gestured at the radio. "I surmised that. What is this?" Ray grew animated as he spoke.
"This is really cool Fraser. It's Doctor Demento." "Doctor Demento? That's the person singing this...song?" He grimaced as he said the word song. "No you freak! He's the dj. The host of the show." "You mean to tell me that there is an entire program of this type of...music?" "Yeah ain't it great!" A new song began. Tambourines clicked in a rhythm. A huge smile spread across Ray's face. "You are gonna love this one!" Ray reached forward and turned the volume up, the sound blared out of the speakers. "They're coming to take me away ha ha! They're coming to take me away ha ha ho ho hee hee!" The song continued and Fraser suddenly reached out and snapped the radio off, his eyes dark.
"Hey! Whatcha do that for?" Ray reached over and turned the radio back on. "Ray mental illness is 'not' a subject to be made light of. People who suffer from mental disorders should..." "Fraser!" "Yes?" "It's a 'parody' song. It's supposed to make fun of whackos." "Ray they are not whackos..." "Look! I like it! It's my car, this is my radio and we're stuck here for another hour and I want to listen to Doctor Demento. Touch it again and I break yer fingers off!" Fraser pursed his lips, biting back a nasty retort. Having lived with Francesca for almost two years was having a detrimental effect on his responses to people. He found himself occasionally blurting his thoughts out and he had to make a conscious effort to curb his impulses at times. It usually happened when he was angry and those were the worst times for him to react in that manner.
Shooting Ray a dirty look, he reopened his journal and began writing again. He half listened to the radio show as he wrote. Ray's occasional snort or cry of laughter would cut through the silence in the car. After a while he found himself listening to some of the songs. Some were decidedly corrupt, while others were quite satirical. He found himself suppressing the occasional smile. It wouldn't do to let Ray know that he actually found a few of the songs amusing. At one point in time he caught himself beginning to hum along with one particular song, but he quickly coughed to cover it up. Ray shot him a look and smirked at him. Just as he opened his mouth to speak the patrol radio cut in.
"Vecchio, shifts up. Go home." Ray grabbed the mike. "Hey thanks guys. Good luck in stayin awake." He chuckled and set the mike back in its unit. "It's bedtime." Fraser shifted in his seat and snapped the seat belt in place. "I do hope Francesca isn't waiting up for me." "Why? You don't want to have sex tonight?" "Ray..." Fraser's voice lowered to a warning tone. "Hey sorry. But damn, every time I come over you two are goin at it." Fraser's face began turning a light pink. "We do not 'go at it', we're..." He closed his mouth and blushed a brighter red. "You go at it." Ray snickered. "Admit it."
Fraser sighed and rubbed at his ear. "We are...attempting to have another child." Ray's eyes bugged out. "You have got to be kiddin me?! She just had one a few months ago! What is with you two? You wanna be poor or somethin?" "No Ray, we want a larger family." "Man, two's large enough. I thought you guys were joking when you said you wanted four of em. You're serious aren't ya?" "Yes Ray. We would like to have four children. Francesca felt that now was the time to start the process." Ray's smile widened. "The process?" He laughed. "Which means you get to go at it all the time." "Ray please!" He laughed even louder at the blushing face of his partner sitting across from him in the GTO.
The drive to Fraser's house was silent. As Fraser undid his seat belt, Ray grinned. "Ya gonna come by the station today? I got those reports on the Palmer case to finish up." "Yes Ray, I will be in later." "Good. Hey Frase?" "Yes Ray?" "Don't wear yourself out." He broke up laughing and Fraser rolled his eyes as he got out of the car. He shut the door a little too hard and he headed up the walkway to his home. The door to the small house opened just as he reached down to unlock it. Francesca stood in the doorway, wearing one of his R.C.M.P. t-shirts and nothing else. "Hi Constable." He smiled and shook his head as she reached up to kiss him. As he hugged her body to his, a horn honked loudly, causing them to jump apart.
it's not one thing, it's my brother!" Francesca huffed, "Even if he's
only pretending to be my brother." Fraser and Francesca glared at Ray
who appeared to be laughing hysterically in the car. With a wave he pulled
the car away from the curb and drove off into the night. Francesca pulled
Fraser back to her as the tail lights disappeared down the street. "What
was that all about?" "Nothing important." She stared at Fraser. "Ray
made the observation that we have been...going at it lately." Francesca
grinned lewdly at him and ran her hand suggestively over his crotch.
"And what's wrong with that?" Leaning into her touch, Fraser walked her
slowly backwards into the house, whispering in her ear. "Nothing is wrong
with it." The door clicked shut on their mutual laughter.
Ray sat at his desk, flipping through a stack of reports. Fraser sat in a chair across from him, doing the same. "Ya know, there has to be a better way ta do this shit. I don't see the use of all these reports. Why can't they make it all on one page?" Without looking up Fraser slipped a new report form into a file. "That would be impossible Ray." Ray stared at the top of Fraser's head, a smiling slowly making its way across his face, a look of evil in his eyes. "So did you and Frannie make another kid last night?" Fraser didn't look up, but Ray had his answer as Fraser's face and neck turned red. "Yeah ya did it, didn't cha?"
Ray tilted his head to the side as he stared at Fraser. His smile grew broader. "Nice hickey ya got there Frase." He laughed loudly as Fraser tucked his head down further. "You can just see it. She must've been sucken at cha pretty hard. It's dark as hell." Fraser's head snapped up and he glared at Ray. "Do you mind?" "Ray still smiled at him. "No, not at all. Whatever gets yer rocks off. And apparently Frannie suckin at yer neck does it." "Ray that is enough. One more word on this subject and I will leave you to finish these reports by yourself." Ray held his hand up. "O.K.! O.K.! I was just yankin yer chain."
He snickered as he flipped to another page of the report before him. "I guess Frannie was yankin yer chain too." "Ray!" Fraser made a move to stand up, but Ray reached across and held him down by the arm. "O.K.! I'm sorry. I won't say another word." Fraser sat back in his seat and sighed. They worked in silence for a few minutes. "You really love 'er don't cha?" Fraser set his pen down and looked at Ray, a small smile appearing on his face. "Yes, I do." Ray smiled back at him. "Must be nice." Ray went back to his report and Fraser observed him a moment before going back to the report in his lap.
Fraser sat thinking how lucky he was. Yes, he did love Francesca with all his heart and soul. She was the bright light that had been missing in his life. Now that he had her, he never felt that stabbing loneliness that he had almost all his life. As he worked on the report, he hummed softly to himself, then he softly sang the song that he had recently heard. Without thinking about the words he continued singing, totally oblivious to what he was doing.
Ray paused in his writing. He strained to hear what Fraser was singing so softly. His head snapped up when he recognized the tune and the words. An evil smile split his face. "You dog you!" He shouted it out and began laughing loudly. Fraser's head jerked up at Ray's yell and now he stared at Ray in confusion. The blonde detective had tears streaming down his face as he pointed at Fraser and laughed.
"You are too funny Fraser! You sit there and try an act like ya didn't like the shit and now yer singin it!" "Singing what Ray?" Ray wiped his hand across his face, brushing his tears of laughter aside. "Think Frase. What was the song you were just singin? Think about the words." Fraser stared back at Ray, his head cocked slightly, his face one of deep concentration. As he replayed the song over in his head, he closed his eyes. "Oh dear." Ray's laughter grew louder, drawing the attention of those around them. Dewey and Huey wandered over to Ray's desk.
Dewey looked down at them. "So, what's so funny?" Ray pointed over at Fraser as he laughed. Dewey looked pointedly at Fraser. "So what did you do this time?" Fraser rubbed his thumb across his brow, obviously embarrassed. "I was singing...a song and I didn't think about the words. It just...I heard it last night and I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing." Dewey looked at Ray. "Big deal. He was singing. He does it all the time." Ray snickered. "You guys don't understand. It's not that he was singin. It's what he was singin that was so funny." Huey shrugged his shoulders. "So what was the song?" Ray smiled. "Hamster Love." Dewey broke out into convulsive laughter and Huey grinned at Fraser. "You listen to Doctor Demento?" Fraser's face turned red. "No I do not. Ray had that program on the radio in the car last night." Dewey was still laughing. He suddenly stopped and motioned for Huey and Ray to join him.
"Hamster, hamster do it right..." They sang louder and laughed while they sang. Fraser sat silently with his he tucked slightly down, but he had a smile on his face. *This is ridiculous.* When the men finished the song, they cracked up laughing again. "Aw don't be mad Fraser. We're only teasin ya." Fraser kept his head down. "I'm not mad Ray." Ray lay his head down on the desk and peeked a look at Fraser's face. "Nah. He ain't mad. He's smilin." Huey and Dewey grinned. Dewey snickered at Fraser. "The Iceman melteth."
Ray perked up. "So yer the Iceman? How come Ray got the Ice Queen and you got Frannie?" Dewey spoke as he walked away. "Cause Frannie knew how to melt his cubes." Huey grinned. "Frannie's good with her mouth." Fraser's head snapped back up, his smile fading. Huey held his hands up as he backed away from the desk. "She's a good talker." He hurriedly turned away and went back to Dewey's desk where they began singing another song together.
Ray smiled directly at Fraser. "So ya like some of the songs the Doctor played. Admit it." Fraser sighed as he turned his irritated gaze back to Ray. "Yes, I found a few of them rather amusing." "Yer semi-normal after all." They picked up their reports again. Ray peeked at Fraser. "So Frannie melted yer cubes first huh?" "Ray!" "O.K.! I was just playin with ya." Ray smiled. "You maybe wanna go and get some lunch?" Fraser sighed, closed the folder in his lap and stood. "That would be nice." Ray stood and pulled on his jacket, flinging an arm around Fraser's shoulder. "So...did ya like the song 'Shavin Cream'?"