Author's webpage: http://members.tripod.com/luxshine/
Author's notes: English version of Confesiones.
Warning: All the characters belong to Alliance and this story is written only for enjoyment of the fans.
Rated: PG for an implicit M/M relationship.
By: Adalisa Zrate.
-Since I saw him for the first time, it was always the same... If he asked for something, I would do it... Well, of course I complained all the time, but if he had any kind of trouble, I would forget my life and run to his side. If he said that my suspect was innocent, I believed him... How could I doubt him? He is the Mountie and everybody knew that the Mountie was always right! As if I didn't existed. And I really don't know why I put up with him that long... 'Yes, Ray', 'Wait, Ray', 'Listen, Ray', 'It only takes a minute to be polite, Ray'.... And what did I do? I followed his sick game, that's what I did! I almost drowned in a damn security vault , I jumped to a moving train with his deaf wolf, I destroyed my car following one of those stupid plans of his! And what did he said? Nothing! For everybody else it always was 'Thank you kindly', but to me... He complained when I didn't understood one of his mad ideas! Like that time in the cars lot... 'I was the one in front of the car, you should warn me if you're going to change a plan, Ray', Plan? What plan? The man steps in front of a moving car and I was supposed to guess that that was his brilliant plan?!
-Ray... Why are you telling me all this?- The voice of the woman at his side pulled Ray Vecchio out of his constant complains, and he eyed her with some regret.
-Stella... this ain't going to work, you know? You, me, here in Florida, the bowling alley... nothing.
-I know Ray... we went a little fast, given the circumstances...My ex was pretending to be you, you had just come back from a long assignment... you were wounded...
-No! That was nothing... you should have seen when I shoot Benny - Ray's voice broke a little, and Stella put a hand on the ex-cop shoulder, offering understanding - For three weeks they didn't know if he would survive... And even then, he got up, solved an extortion case and was more than ready to go back to the frozen tundra to rebuild his father's cabin... After seeing that, I shouldn't retire for this wound... And I'm not going to. I'll return to Chicago, to my desk, from where I should have never moved.
-Just to your work?
-I don't have anything else to return to, darling. I never left my family, if that's what you mean... I can't do that. And in the precint? Besides Welsh and Jack I don't think I know anyone else anymore. Hugh! But he hates me. If he didn't, he would put some decent coffee in the machine and not the usual crap. But now I won't have to see Fraser with that damn chamomile tea reminding me that I have to be polite with people. Or wait for him to finish opening doors for someone else. Did you know that I had to climb all of Chicago' stairs because if I didn't Fraser would wait until everybody in the building got into the elevator and our suspect would disappear? And doors! I began wondering if everybody in Canada had the hidden dream of working as a doorman, because he was always opening doors for someone else... He even forced me to do it when he was dressed as a woman...
-You never open a door for me , Ray.- Stella sounded a little angry.
-I know... And I didn't want to do it for him either, but somehow... every time he looked at me with that damn mountie eyes... I... I couldn't deny him anything. I didn't care if my life was in danger, or that I became the laughing stock for everybody in the precint...
Both were silent after that, Ray immersed in his memories, Stella waiting for him to continue, hoping that he would see what she had discovered long ago, when every time they would talk, they ended talking about the same subject.
-I only got really mad with him once... The Bolt trial... I think I overreacted then, I was angry, depressed... jealous... But I just wanted to clear everything with him... How could I get mad just because he got lucky? Because his red serge did a better publicity?... And I was there, in my living room, when I could almost hear him at my side... For a while there... I started to discuss with him about old cases, old fights... Real crazy, right? But that wasn't the only time it happened... After that, when I was in Las Vegas, alone and afraid to fail, I began hearing his voice again...I even memorized his stupid inuit stories!... I never believed they were true, I teased him about them every time he tried to start one.. but there, in the middle of nothing.. Then they were all I had.
Ray stood up from the couch that he had been sharing with Stella until that moment, and walked towards the window of the room where they were staying. His face was more serious now, and Stella couldn't stop herself from following him.
-Ray... a moment ago you were saying you couldn't stand him.... Then why...?
-Is hard to explain...-Interrupted Ray, without looking at her.- Of course I couldn't stand him! He is the most annoying man in the world! How could I stand him? But anyway I did everything he asked, without thinking about it... I shoot my car because he said that it was the only way to solve a case! And I never asked myself why the hell I never left him alone, why I never could deny him my help. Not when he looked at me with that damn mountie eyes of his... Can't you see, Stella? That's the reason I now this won't work... I can't marry you if... - Ray stopped and looked at the woman for a second. He took a big breath in, another trick he had picked up from the Mountie, but even then the volume of his voice dropped when he could continue.-... if I love someone else...
Stella just looked at him, completely confused... Ray knew what he felt for Fraser?... Then... Her mind was a turmoil of confusion and questions. Finally, she found the words to talk to the man that had fascinated her since she meet him.- Since when you have loved him?
-Since ever? -Ray gave her a weak smile. - I can't tell you since when... Thinking about that now, ever since I saw him in the cell, or maybe when he told me that the dead mountie was his father... By that afternoon I could recognize him with one look, especially in that red uniform. But I didn't realized then... it was something... natural? I don't know... The day I had to leave for Las Vegas I woke up thinking 'Benny comes back tomorrow' and that was in my mind the whole day... Really stupid, right? I spend the last two years worrying because Fraser had the attention of every woman in Chicago, when probably it was just jealousy of them. Then I knew, and I thought... I remembered all the times we could talk, when we were alone... Refrigerators, closets, forests in Canada... Hospital rooms. I was an idiot and actually hoped, I told to myself 'Hey, if Benny chooses to spend all his free time with him, that means that maybe... maybe he is interested in you'. But, as always, I was wrong.. and I ruined it. I couldn't refuse going undercover, but that wasn't the trouble. Our friendship had survived so many things and I thought, 'So what!, if we're still friends after I shoot him, what are six months?'. But when I actually talked to him... when I listened to his voice all the way from the North Pole... He should have noted in my voice. He didn't got that I was saying good bye.. .He can recognize the difference between a thud and a clunk... But don't ask the super mountie to understand when a friend is saying good-bye! No way, that isn't useful in a case... In Las Vegas, when I was alone, I began imagining how it would be my return... Benny, myself, Dief... an invincible team again. And Fraser didn't let me down. As soon as I got in that hotel he ruined my cover again... At least this time he didn't call me Detective Armani. But it wasn't the same. When they shoot me and he went to Canada with your stupid ex. I knew that I wasn't important to him, I was just one of his friends, someone easy to replace. Or maybe he just saw me and those weird instincts of his told him what I feel for him, and he was repulsed. He once told me that he didn't hate me, that he was envious of my honesty... and I...-Ray couldn't go on. His eyes were starting to fill with tears, and he didn't want to cry in front of Stella. He closed his eyes and waited until his breathing was normal again. Stella thought on hugging him, trying to help him to forget that particular pain, but she knew that, in the long run, it wouldn't work. So she simply walked away to pull out a bag.
-Stella... What are you doing? -Asked Ray, when he opened his eyes and saw his pack almost ready.
-You're an idiot, Vecchio. Know that?. You can't guess what other people think just like that. You were away almost a year! How can you know that Fraser wasn't angry at himself because he put you in danger? -Stella closed the bag with desition, and threw it at Ray.- Now you're going back to Chicago, fix your work and then fly to Canada to talk with Fraser, tell him how you feel, and then you won't spend the rest of your life wondering what he would have told you. You'll know.
Ray just looked at Stella, words failing him. She was right... except in the 'Tell Fraser how you feel about him' part... he would never got the nerve for that. But he could talk to him... Ever since Ben had gone to Canada for his vacation, before Ray went away, they hadn't talked. Ray had been busy, trying to hide his feelings from Ben, readjusting to his life. And, of course, Fraser could have thought that Ray was avoiding him. Ray lowered his head, and began laughing...
-Thanks, Stella.- He kissed her on the cheek, as he left the room, bag and future in hand.- I'll write you so you'll know how everything turned out.
-You better, Ray. Good luck.
Two hours later, Ray Vecchio was in the waiting room at the airport, ready to go home. He hadn't called, because he wanted it to be a surprise to his family. As he waited, he pulled a photograph from his wallet. It was an old picture, a little crumpled. In it, he and Fraser smiled, outside the Consulate. -If you look at me with those blue eyes of yours, my friend... I think I could tell you the truth. - he whispered, as he got ready to board the plane that would finally take him home.