epilogue
james kythe walkswithwind
His hands were warm. He had a moment to realise just how warm, his attention zeroed in on palms against his cheeks. Fingers trailed down to his shoulders leaving paths of shivering skin behind. He wasn't sure exactly when he'd lost his jacket; one part of his mind that was not otherwise occupied decided to worry about it while he pressed himself into Benny's embrace.
When he finally had to breathe, his head fell forward and he gasped, discovering that the warm skin of Benny's neck was right beneath his mouth... Ray kissed him. Hands rubbed his back, encouraging, and he kissed again, moving slightly down towards the collar of a rather obstructory item. Ray continued placing kisses along Fraser's neck, and brought one hand up to begin unbuttoning.
He stopped, his hand flat against Fraser's chest. He could feel a heart beating even more quickly than his own. Benny smiled at him; Ray forgot precisely what it was he was going to say.
"Allow me." Fraser moved half a step backwards, out of reach, and swiftly unbuttoned his shirt. Ray felt a stab of disappointment, whether at losing his chance or for the breach of contact, he didn't know. He didn't say anything, because really, what right did he have to complain about any of this? Benny, willing and apparently eager to make love to him, and he should criticise how they went about it?
"You're beautiful." Ray startled himself. How long had he wanted to say it, even knowing it wasn't the sort of thing he'd ever actually mean? How many women had heard him say such things when he wasn't just trying to get himself out of trouble? How could he say it to someone, when all he meant was, you are the most wonderful thing I've ever seen and I want to look at you forever. He looked now at bared skin that he could not ever remember seeing before.
"Thank you." Benny had hesitated only a second before kissing him again, and this time Ray brought his hands up to find that Benny was warm all over, at least above the waistline. He wanted to explore the mouth that had latched onto his, he wanted to explore the skin underneath his fingertips, and he found himself frustrated at not being able to concentrate on both. He didn't dare stop doing either.
"I feel I should tell you one thing, Ray."
Oh god, here it is. Ray stiffened, breaking all points of contact, only to be grabbed and held close.
"I only needed to tell you, I love you," Benny's voice whispered in his ear.
Oh god. What had he done? For a moment Ray stood still, utterly unable to fathom the purpose of the world around him. Life was supposed to be unfair. Wasn't it? Hands broke through his shock, touching him gently, warm on his arms, his back. "I love you too, Benny." Then he was floating, on golden waves, and the uncertainty of touching his friend was less important than staying where he was, happy and in love. What had he done to gain such a man?
Hands removed his shirt; Ray only noticed when the cold air made him shiver, then shivered again as his chest was brushed lightly. Benny was staring at him the same way he'd been stared at and Ray wondered why this expression hadn't been so painfully obvious before now. It suddenly occurred to him that Benny might be feeling just as nervous as he, unwilling to ruin it all by making a wrong move, unwilling to move too fast and totally unable to stop.
He took Fraser's hands in his, and held them tightly. When Benny looked up at him, waiting politely, Ray found himself grinning. "We have a lot of time to get it right, Benny. Let's just do it."
His grin was returned, and Fraser nodded, donning for the moment a facsimile of his polite duty manner. "Of course, Ray." Then it dropped as Benny smiled, and Ray saw a glint of delight such as he'd never seen before in Benny's eyes. He had to kiss him.
His hands were very warm. They were gentle, as well; Fraser seemed to be considering every motion as he made it, whether to avoid frightening either of them or simply concentrating Ray couldn't tell. He pushed himself against Benny's hands, closing his eyes against the pleasure. For a moment his fantasies came back to him and he opened his eyes; Benny smiled at him.
"What is it, Ray?"
"This is nice." As he said the words he knew they weren't enough, but he couldn't think of anything more.
Fraser kissed him-- Ray's shoulder being the closest, it was kissed first, then Benny worked his way across Ray's back. When he reached the middle, after pressing his tongue against the ridge of Ray's spine, he stopped. Arms surrounded him from behind, and Ray leaned back. "Yes, I know." The voice, so soft in his ear, echoed tones he'd only imagined. Real life was infinitely better.
"I love you." He was desperate to say it now that he could, wanted to say it a thousand times a day. The body pressed up against his own told him he was already saying it-- and hearing it. He turned in Fraser's arms and lost himself for the remainder of the evening.
"What is that?"
"What is what?"
"That! Look.. put that down and look! Quick, before he gets out of sight."
"Where?" He craned his neck, looking. "Oh.. yeah, so?"
Elaine nudged him in the arm. "Don't you see that smile? He did it. He finally did it!"
Huey looked back, momentarily uncomprehending. "Did what? Oh, you mean that girl you think he's got under wraps?"
"What do you mean, 'think'? It's obvious! He's in love, and he's finally happy about it!"
"Oh.. I thought that look meant he got some," the detective smirked, and then ducked the file aimed at his head.
"You men are such neanderthals."
"D-u-h?" Huey dropped his jaw and rolled his eyes back, then laughed as he walked away. Elaine headed for Ray's desk.
"Good morning, Detective Vecchio." He hadn't appeared to notice her approaching, so she pitched her voice a bit more loudly and brightly than usual.
"Huh? Oh, hi Elaine. How's it goin'?"
Yup, he's in love. *And* he got some. Elaine smiled and said aloud, "Oh, pretty good. And you?"
"I'm ok." He smiled back, and Elaine knew that it was only a *slight* understatement.
She leaned against his desk. "Are you going to tell me who she is?" Suddenly he turned red, and looked down at the papers on his desk, muttering something about not knowing what she meant. "Detective," she leaned closer, lowering her voice as she teased him. "You've turned almost as red as a Mountie's uniform. That means--"
He had turned even redder. "Don't you have work to do?"
"As a matter of fact, I do. And if you'll tell me her name, I'll be outta here."
He looked up at her. "Not a chance, Elaine. Go file something, would you?" He tried to glare at her, but she could tell he didn't have the motivation to get very angry. Not today.
"What about just a few details? Where'd you meet? What does she look like? Does she really like you?"
Ray did glare at her this time, but as he opened his mouth to send her on her way, his expression changed. A small, silly grin flashed, replaced by a brave attempt to look as though everything were perfectly normal. Elaine grinned-- she was here, at the station! Wondering if it were a colleague, Elaine turned around.
"Good morning, Elaine. How are you today?"
"Morning, Fraser," she replied, trying to look past him, then it dawned on her-- Fraser was wearing the same happy look. She stared at him, then back at Ray. She had never seen that particular look on Fraser's face, and had wondered if she ever would. Now, Ray Vecchio made him happy? Slowly she smiled. Well, at least somebody was.
They didn't seem to be aware of her anymore. She cleared her throat. "I'll just go get you some coffee, ok?"
They both looked at her then; Vecchio seemed startled. She winked at him, and moved off. She beamed at Lt. Welsh, who spent the next half hour wondering what was going on.
"What are we gonna do?"
"What do you mean?" Benny turned his head to look at him, lying beside him under the thin wool blanket now draped across them.
"I mean.. we can't.. can we.. I mean, do you.. Benny, are we gonna tell anybody?"
"Ah. It would depend, of course, on who the 'anybody' was. Given the most likely responses of the majority of the population, I would not recommend shouting it from the rooftops."
Ray poked him, grinning. "Get serious, would you? God, I don't believe I just said that to you. But I mean it, Benny. We could both get into a lot of trouble if the wrong people found out."
"Who are the wrong people, Ray?"
"You know, superior officers, journalists, the defendants' lawyers..."
"Family, friends?" Fraser asked it hesitantly.
Ray reached up and caressed his face. "Oh, no. If you think you're getting out of a proper 'welcome to the family' Vecchio style dinner party, you're sadly mistaken."
There was nothing to be said to that, so Fraser kissed him. Then there was no more talking for a while.
"Benny, your hands are cold."
"Sorry, Ray."
"Hey! What are you doing?"
"Warming my hands."
"You have to do it there?"
"It is the most efficient method, given our surroundings--"
"Shut up and get back in bed, Fraser."
James Kythe Walkswithwind
gila@jbx.com