Tour of Duty
A Limerick of Epic Proportions
Due South, The Movie
There once was a Mountie named Fraser
Whose mind was as sharp as a razor
With his wolf-hound named Dief
And a firm-held belief
His morals were straight as a laser
The Mountie came south from The Yukon
And the city named Jaw with a Moose-on
Tuktoyaktuk was left
Without him, bereft
But Chicago he now was let loose-on
He met with a cop called Ray V
Who's smarter than him - don't you see?
But only round town -
In the wilds he would drown
Where Fraser is wiser than he
Fraser searched for the killer of Dad
A Mountie who'd turned pretty bad
When they caught him he said
"Money went to my head"
And the RCMP were all sad
They told Ben to stay in Chicago
Or "as far as you possibly can-go"
So he stayed there with Dief
To the Mounties' relief
And tried not to break the embargo
Free Willie
A naughty young felon named Willie
Was caught by Our Man - rather silly
Bank robbers were got
And the Stetson was shot
Leaving poor Fraser's head rather chilly
Diefenbaker's Day Off
The newspaper lady MacKenzie
Went into a story-tell frenzy
When she couldn't print 'owt
She did stomp and did shout
And got angry with our poor man Benzie
Manhunt
He aided a Mountie called Buck
An Officer down on his luck
Pursued by a felon
Buck felt like a melon
Until he regained all his pluck
They Eat Horses, Don't They?
The meat at the Mall was all bad
Made a little boy ill, poor young lad
Horse-grinders were found
Selling "beef" by the pound
Making everyone feel really glad
Pizzas and Promises
He poses as car-salesman Billy-Bob
Undercover to spy on those-who-rob
Lenny of his new car
Diefen-b tracks it far
And recovers it back from the mob
Chinatown
A Chinaman named Mr. Lee
Got in trouble with Tong, he could see
That if mob-rule allowed
Servitude of the crowd
Not one of them would e'er be free
Chicago Holiday
Fraser guided the diplomat's daughter
She ran far away, so he sought her
All over the town
High and low, up and down
Right up to the end where he caught her
A Cop, A Mountie and a Baby
A baby got left in the Riv
They searched where the parents did live
But all they could find
Parents' love was so blind
That to others their son they did give
Gift of the Wheelman
They brought in all store Santa Claus
For allegedly breaking some laws
But the Wheelman's plan
Duped them all, to a man
But for Fraser, who found out the cause
You Must Remember This
A lady ran over poor Ray
Revived him, by mouth, where he lay
She had to depart
To the smugglers out-smart
Although he'd have liked her to stay
Hawk and a Handsaw
Fraser wants to pretend to be nuts
He won't listen to Ray's ifs or buts
Cause of death he must find
Searching each shattered mind
Breaking bonds, through the muddle he cuts
An Eye For An Eye
The neighbourhood's new vigilante
Obeyed only those laws of his fancy
Dief was suffering too
Fraser said "What we'll do -
Ten minutes - we burn Tam O'Shantie!"
The Man Who Knew Too Little
The boys had to transport a liar
To Canada, but he raised ire
Canuck Mafia sought him
And darned almost caught him
The poor Riv ending badly on fire
The Wild Bunch
Dief is acting all secret and shady
It turns out he's courting a lady
But he bites Dog Patrol
Sentenced without parole
But escapes with the help of his baby
The Blue Line
A Hockey star, Smithbauer by name
Liked the cash, adulation and fame
But he got a bit greedy
And of Fraser's help needy
His excuses were weak and quite lame
The Deal
Raymond V saves a man from the mob
A young shoemaker they're out to rob
Zuko learns the hard way
That you pay and you pay
When he gets all the blows Ray can lob
An Invitation To Romance
Fraser's boss makes him present a letter
To a lady, he's only just met her
When she says she's in love
He thinks "Heavens above"
Her fiance comes storming to get her
Heaven and Earth
A tramp with the gift of insight
Held the key to a kidnapping night
Though he blamed our Red Hero
Who was nowhere near - though
The man was, at least, partly right
Victoria's Secret
Lost lover comes back to his life
Causing melodramatics and strife
Fraser's head-over-heels
Can't believe how he feels
But losing her cuts like a knife
Letting Go
The recovery's painfully slow
Ray's sorry, and sure lets him know
That he'll stick by his friend
From right now to the end
And he's got to do much letting go © Caroline Mockett 1996
Please
do not reproduce in fanzines etc without the prior permission of the
author
To Be Continued....
North, Vault, The Witness, Bird In The Hand, The Promise, Mask, Juliet
Is Bleeding, One Good Man, The Edge, Starman
(When I've seen them!)