Resolution	 Resolution by Casey Reyner

  

 This story got away from me. I thought it was only going to be a couple
pages, but it surprised me and took an unexpected turn. It didn't turn out
the way I thought it would, but then, when does anything turn out the way
you thought it would? 'Strange Bedfellows' is one of my favorite season 3
eps because it gives us some insight about Kowalski. The scene at the very
end, where Ray is dancing alone in his apartment and we hear the music he
and Stella had danced to in the background, intrigued me and made me
wonder what was going on inside his head. Part way through writing the
story (at a point where I was blocked, nonetheless) I started thinking
about what a close bond Fraser and Kowalski managed to form in such a
short time. The two ideas somehow ended up connected in my head (who knows
why, I can never figure out how my mind works) and this was the result. 

 This story takes place immediately following 'Strange Bedfellows', and to
make sense of this story you need to have seen the ep, or at least be
really familiar with what happened in it. 

 Standard disclaimer. They don't belong to me...yadda, yadda, yadda. 

 No Mounties, cops, or wolves were injured during the writing of this
fiction--just put through the emotional wringer. 

 G, but there's some mental/emotional distress, so maybe PG? 

 Resolution 

 by Casey Reyner (casey_ray@hotmail.com) 

 He had lied. He had lied to Fraser and he had lied to himself. When
Fraser asked him if he meant what he said to Dwayne, he said no and tried
to convince himself that was true. But he couldn't deny it any longer-- he
had really been talking about himself and Stella, not Dwayne and Diane.
And now that he acknowledged that, and everything it implied, there was no
way to keep deluding himself it could ever be the same, no way to keep
alive the hope for a reconciliation. 

 He sat down heavily in an armchair and sighed deeply. The lying itself
didn't bother him, he'd do it anytime a lie suited his purposes better
than the truth. Of course, he didn't usually lie to Fraser, but he hadn't
really meant to. No, what bothered him was that he had been able to lie to
himself for so long. On some level, he had always known that it was over
between him and Stella, but he had been pretty good at ignoring that and
continuing to hope they would get back together. His head had known
reality, but his heart had refused to accept it. This whole thing with the
Alderman, though, and especially Dewey's statement about Ray having been
replaced, forced his heart to finally admit that he was no longer a part
of Stella's life. 

 He rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger and
decided he needed a beer. He stood slowly, as if he were physically
weighed down by his troubles, and shuffled into the kitchen. He returned
to the living room with his beer and took a look at his CD collection. One
CD caught his eye and he had a sudden urge to listen to it. It wasn't long
before his apartment was filled with the music he and Stella had danced to
only a few hours earlier. He put his beer down on top of the stereo and
began moving around the room, mimicking the steps he and Stella had
performed in her apartment, remembering and reliving all the times they
had danced together. 

 The song ended and he sat down on the edge of an armchair, suddenly
weary. The memories were bitter-sweet, making him want to laugh and cry at
the same time, and the abrupt onslaught of emotions was overwhelming. He
wanted to cry--he needed to cry--for the end of this relationship he had
thought would last forever, and for the loneliness he felt. Each day when
he woke up alone, he had to fight the urge to just stay in bed and sleep
away the day. His desires and plans for the future had been so wrapped up
with Stella that, without her, he felt empty and a little lost, like there
was no point to his life anymore. He felt like his life was over now that
Stella wasn't a part of it. 

 But he couldn't cry. He had done his crying a long time ago and now, even
when he felt he needed to, he couldn't cry over Stella and that lost part
of his life. He stood up, trying to shake himself out of this mood, and
crossed the room. He picked up his beer and took a swig, then noticed the
bottle had left a wet ring on the stereo. He wiped up the puddle with his
jacket sleeve, and smiled as he thought about the way Stella would have
scolded him if she were there. 

 He set the beer back down, shrugged out of his jacket, and tossed it
across the back of a chair. He drained the last of the beer and took the
bottle in to the kitchen where he carelessly tossed it into a recycling
bin. He pushed aside a pile of dirty dishes and pulled himself up onto the
counter. He thought about the events of the past couple of days. Seeing
Stella with Orsini made him realize she had moved forward and he had been
running in place all this time, certain that one day they would work out
their problems and things would go back to the way they had been, only
better. She seemed sure that their marriage was over for good. He didn't
want it to be over, but he knew that when he told Dwayne 'when it's over
it's over and you have to accept that' he had really been talking about
himself. 

 He sighed and jumped down. He was restless and began moving around the
apartment for no other reason than just to be moving. After puttering
around some, picking up a magazine and putting it back down, moving the
dirty dishes from one spot on the counter to another, he realized he
didn't want to stay in the apartment. He wanted to go out and do
something. But not alone. 

 

 Fraser was hooking Dief up to the front of the dog sled when he heard the
ringing. He straightened up and looked around him at the vast white
expanse of the Yukon and wondered where the sound could be coming from.
Dief barked and Fraser looked down to where the wolf should have been, but
saw only snow. Confused, Fraser looked back up. The ringing was louder,
and he heard Dief bark again, seemingly right in his ear. Fraser turned
his head to the side and came face to muzzle with Dief. Fraser sat up
quickly and looked around, seeing not the Yukon, but his office at the
Consulate. And that incessant ringing was his phone. 

 "RCMP," Fraser mumbled into the phone, the only semi-intelligent thing he
could think of at the time. 

 "Hey, Fraz. What's wrong? You sound strange," Ray's voice, much too alert
for this time of night, questioned. 

 "I was asleep, Ray," Fraser answered, beginning to wake up and resenting
it. 

 "Oh, really? Sorry," Ray replied, not sounding the least bit repentant.
"Well, since you're up, you wanna go do something? Wanna get something to
eat?" 

 Fraser didn't respond for a moment, wondering what in the world was going
on with Ray. He looked at his watch and said into the phone, "Ray, do you
know what time it is?" 

 "Huh? It's kinda late, I guess, but I'm hungry. Come on, we'll go to
Denny's, they're always open." 

 Fraser couldn't believe how dense his partner was. "I shouldn't be
surprised," he thought sourly, "he can be kind of self-centered at times."
But Ray only acted like this when he had something on his mind and he had
been preoccupied the last several days. Since this thing with his ex-wife
had begun he had been acting stangely, almost possessed. Fraser figured
his friend needed to talk but wouldn't come right out and say so. Thinking
wistfully about the night of sleep he was going to miss, Fraser sighed
inwardly and said, "Ok, Ray. Pick me up in 10 minutes?" 

 "You got it. See you in a few." 

 

 When Ray pulled up in front of the Consulate, Fraser was already waiting
outside with Dief. In fact, if the Mountie hadn't been wearing blue jeans
and a plaid shirt, Ray might have thought Fraser was standing guard. "I
wouldn't be surprised if he did sometimes play statue in the middle of the
night," Ray mumbled. 

 Fraser opened the car door and let Dief climb in the back seat before
sliding in next to Ray. "I hope you're paying, because I'm out of US
money," Fraser grumbled. He knew he wasn't being very polite, but he was a
little bitter about being pulled out of bed. It had been so long since
he'd had a good night's sleep, and on the top of that he had been having a
very lovely dream about home. He was struck by a pang of home sickness,
but shook it off and focused on what Ray was saying. 

 "...and Teemu Selanne made this amazing shot that has got to be one of
the greatest I've ever seen. Did you see it?" Ray was speaking
enthusiastically; he loved hockey and was glad he and Fraser had that in
common. 

 "No, Ray, I didn't see the game." 

 "You didn't see it? You missed a game between the Ducks and the Canucks,
a show-down between two of the best forwards currently playing? What kind
of hockey fan are you?" he exclaimed incredulously. 

 I was working, Ray. How did you manage to see the game, might I ask? We
were working together at the time of the game." 

 "I taped it. I can lend you the tape if you want." 

 "I'd appreciate that. Thank you, kindly, Ray." 

 

 Inside the restaurant, the Mountie and the Detective settled into their
seats and studied their menus in relative silence. While they ate, they
talked about sports and work and basically made small talk. Dief ignored
them and concentrated on devouring every single crumb of the burger the
manager had provided for the wolf free of charge. 

 A silence fell over the table as both men concentrated on finishing their
meals, and Fraser stole a glance at his friend. He wondered when Ray was
going to get around to saying whatever it was that had compelled him to
call the Mountie in the dead of night. 

 Ray finished his food, pushed his empty plate away, and leaned back in
his seat. He had just opened his mouth to say something when the waitress
interrupted him by asking if they would like anything else. Ray ordered a
piece of cheesecake and more coffee, and Fraser asked for hot chocolate.
Fraser waited for Ray to begin speaking again, but the Detective was
silent. 

 Seeing that Ray wasn't going to talk about whatever was bothering him
without some prodding, Fraser asked gently, "Ray, what's wrong? What is
troubling you so much that you dragged me out of bed in the middle of the
night?" 

 "I'm sorry, Fraser," Ray sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's
just...this thing with Stella the past coupla days, it's brought up old
emotions, and made me think..." 

 Ray stopped talking when the waitress returned with the cheesecake, hot
chocolate, and a piece of cherry pie. She served the two men their
desserts and placed the pie (also complements of the house) in front of
Dief, who quickly began gobbling it up before Fraser could take it away.
She smiled at the wolf and patted him on the head, before leaving to get
Ray's coffee. 

 Fraser leaned down closer to the wolf and said, "You're going to get fat
if you keep this up, you realize that don't you?" 

 The waitress returned and refilled Ray's coffee cup, favored the wolf
with another smile, and left the men to their conversation. Fraser sipped
his hot chocolate and waited for Ray to begin speaking. Ray took several
bites of his cheesecake and washed them down with a gulp of coffee before
clearing his throat. 

 "I know that we're divorced, I realize that, but just because a piece of
paper says we're not married anymore doesn't mean I feel any differently,"
Ray just let his thoughts tumble out as they came to him. "I've been
thinking of her as my wife since we were in high school. I knew then that
I was gonna marry her, and I figured we'd buy a house, have a family, and
grow old together. I thought we'd be spending our lives together. It's not
like I can just stop thinking like that. I know that we're divorced and I
know that that means I'm supposed to get on with my life alone, but I
don't know if I want to, or even if I can. She's the only woman I've ever
loved, probably the only woman I'll ever love. I still love her and I
don't want to live without her. 

 Ray had been speaking passionately, sitting up and gesticulating with his
hands. But when he finished talking, he slumped back into his seat as if
he were a deflated balloon. Fraser took a moment to collect his thoughts
and figure out what he should say to his friend. 

 Unsure as to how Ray would receive what he was about to say, Fraser chose
his words carefully, "Sometimes the way we think our lives are going to
work out isn't the best thing for us. Sometimes we can't see that what
looks like an unfortunate happenstance is actually an event that will lead
us to a greater happiness and a more fulfilled life." 

 "Yeah? Like what?" Ray had a hard time believing what Fraser was saying.
How could his divorce possibly bring about anything good? 

 "When I first came to Chicago..." Fraser began. 

 Ray interrupted, "You were on the trail of your father's killer, yadda,
yadda, yadda. I know that Fraser. What does this..." 

 "Ray, please, let me continue." 

 Ray just nodded his head and squirmed a little in his seat, trying to get
comfortable for what he was sure would be a long story. 

 "When I first came to Chicago," Fraser began again, "I was sure I would
hate it. The city is so loud and crowded and dirty. The smog is so thick
it was hard to breathe, and the lights are so bright they block out the
stars. The closest thing to wilderness around here is the city park and,
believe me, it's a pathetic approximation." 

 Ray nodded in agreement. The park was little more than a patch of grass
and a few trees. It was far from clean, and it was littered with winos and
junkies. 

 "I thought I'd die here, not physically of course, but emotionally.
Before I came here, the largest city I had ever been posted in was Moose
Jaw, and I had to be transferred out after a few weeks because it was too
urban for me. But, contrary to my prediction, I found that I was actually
growing here. I found city life fascinating, and I learned something new
every day. I made friends, and the Vecchio's adopted me into their family.
Now, I can't say that I prefer Chicago to the Yukon, but living in this
city has given me the opportunity to have experiences and learn things I
never would have encountered in the Territories. So, you see, a change I
thought would be tragic, turned out being one of the best things that has
ever happened to me." 

 Fraser paused a moment, considering his next words, then said, "What you
had may have been terrific, but you never know what the future holds.
There may be something even more wonderful waiting for you that you have
never even imagined. I know that's difficult to accept, but you can't live
in the past--you have to move along and go where life leads you or you
might miss something incredible." 

 Fraser caught his breath and let Ray consider what he'd just said.
Realizing his mouth was dry, Fraser gulped his rapidly cooling hot
chocolate. "I hate long speeches," Fraser thought, "They always leave me
feeling parched." 

 Ray was silent for a few moments, and Fraser watched him. He could see
the emotions play across Ray's face and he could tell Ray was weighing the
Mountie's words against his own thoughts and feelings. Finally, Ray leaned
forward and began playing with his empty coffee cup. Looking at the
grounds in the bottom of the cup rather than Fraser, he said, "I know
you're right. It's not something I'm happy about, but I think I accept it,
or I'm starting to." Ray raised his head and looked Fraser in the eye.
"Thanks. For everything." He began to lower his head to stare into his cup
once more, but snapped his head back up and said, "I'm sorry I woke you
up." 

 "It's ok, Ray. I know you wouldn't have called me if you didn't really
need to talk. And I apologize for being rude earlier." 

 "Ah, hey, no problem Fraser. You wanna get outta here?" 

 "Sure." 

 Fraser and Ray rose and Ray carried the bill to the cashier. Fraser
followed the Detective until he realized that Dief was not at his side.
The Mountie looked back at their table and saw Dief, front paws on the
table, licking the plates clean. 

 "Dief. Dief. Dief. Dief." The wolf ignored him. 

 Upset and embarrased by his wolf's behavior (though there were maybe two
other people in the entire restaurant and they didn't even appear to
notice the wolf, let alone seem offended at his behavior), Fraser strode
back over to the table. 

 "Do you realize how rude that is? Not only have you become completely
soft here, you have forgotten your manners," Fraser lowered his voice and
muttered, exasperated, "Or chosen to ignore them." 

 "Hey Fraser, let's go," Ray called from the door. 

 "Come on, let's go," Fraser said to Dief, and then turned to join Ray.
The wolf gave the plate he was cleaning one final lick and followed
Fraser. 

 "You know, I really do appreciate you talking with me tonight," Ray said
once they got outside and were walking to the car. 

 Fraser put his arm around Ray's shoulders and said, "Anytime, Ray.
Anytime." 

 THE END 

 casey_ray@hotmail.com