WHAT CHILD IS THIS? WHAT CHILD IS THIS? Introductory Remarks A couple of weeks ago there was a strange post on this List commenting on a story no one here - except that one person - had read yet called WHAT CHILD IS THIS? Well I'm going to clear up that mystery for you all now and let you in on what that was all about. A month ago I got an e-mail from an on-line friend, who said: "In the series, we meet Ray and Ben when they're about 35 or so. But, other than what you writers come up with, we don't know anything about their pasts. I've been thinking that it would be very interesting if Ben suddenly found out about a son/daughter he never knew about. The mother was an old girlfriend of Ben's, about 10 or 15 years back, that never told him they had a child. She suddenly dies and leaves the child to Ben and Ray, since Ben and Ray are lovers. I think it would be interesting to see how their relationship would change and how each would react to Ben having a child." He told me he'd had this idea for a story stuck in his head and asked if I'd write a story for him based on it. Well as soon as I read this, my imagination took off and I felt possessed. It just started to write itself, words pouring out from my mind to my fingers to my PC. Still early into the story, I was struck by inspiration on how I could meet our DS archive owner's challenge she put forth for me a while back. She had snuck a Christmas category on her archive when I wasn't looking.;-> I had been feeling pretty smug before that, that I had a piece of fiction in each of her categories... until then. What was I to do? I felt compelled to have a christmas story now too. I asked her about it and of course she threw down the gauntlet. So thanks to Shawn Adams and Amanda Cook, my latest story WHAT CHILD IS THIS? was born. If you like the story you have them to thank. This story is dedicated to them both. If you don't like the story, then put the blame on me for not living up to their challenge. So far this officially is my longest story to date. Now for the warnings and additional ramblings: - Male/Male throughout (tame) - Male/Female in one part (somewhat graphic) - I used bad language in one part. Mea culpa. - I'm a self-professed sap, so be forewarned SAP ALERT! - Hurt/Comfort. See the warning before this one. - Recommend that you've seen MANHUNT. I had fun with this episode.:-> - I couldn't resist. There are 2 epilogues attached to the end called WHAT CHILD DID THIS? and MY CHILD DID THIS - FYI, here's some Northwest Territories information that I found out while writing this story, which I figured I'd share. Iqaluit used to be called Frobisher Bay until 1987. It is where in 1576 the British explorer Martin Frobisher thought he discovered the Northwest Passage and gold - turned out to be 'fool's gold' though. And according to AAA/CAA is also "...one of the largest communities in the Eastern Arctic and the educational, administrative, transportation and economic center for the Baffin region of the Northwest Territories. The town also is a focal point for Inuit art and boasts numerous art galleries." I tried to look up Moosejaw and Runamuckluk, but no 'luck' so far. They're either too small to garner any notice in my source book or just fictional towns that the DS writers made up. I was able to find Inuvik. Sounds like a neat place/area; with lots of festivals; and June and July has 24 hours of daylight; starting point for plane trips to the Arctic Ocean and Mackenzie River delta system. I found Tuktoyaktok - its not mentioned in my story, but Fraser has referenced it before, especially in his joking with Ray in SOME LIKE IT RED - love the comment about it in regards to Runamuckluk. Tuktoyaktok is relatively nearby Inuvik, both in the northwestern part of the Territories, close to the Yukon border. There was a major alternative music concert here last year. I really wanted to go, but I believe it was an invitation only concert sponsored by a number of radio stations. I also found Alert - I don't mention it in my story, but Fraser mentioned living there/being stationed there(?) in one of the episodes and I was curious to know where it was. Wow is that way the heck up there in the very Northeasternmost tip of the Territories. Very close to Greenland. According to my map its considered to be in the Baffin region as well (So there is a connection to my story afterall... sort of. Ok so I'm pushing it.). Alright enough with the geography lesson. There will be a pop quiz on this when I post the story I'm working on now which also makes references to the Northwest Territories.:-> I'll shut up now. - Can't think of any other warnings. Except to apologize that I should have warned you about my Fraser-like pedantic nature when I did the geography lesson above.;-> Hope you enjoy the story.:-> Dsrvbf@aol.com WHAT CHILD IS THIS? He was running scared; sixteen years old and already he thought he knew it all, but what he'd heard tonight his young life hadn't prepared him for. He'd left Runamuckluk a week ago after packing a knapsack and hitching a ride in a pickup truck, unbeknownst to the driver. A couple of hours later, it stopped at a gas station diner in a backwater town - they were all backwater towns up here, one just the same as the other. He was tired of living up here, he wanted the adventure and excitement of the city, which he sometimes saw on tv or in the movies. He especially wanted to get away from painful memories and the man he had once called his father. They'd always had an awkward relationship; like familiar strangers. He'd never felt good enough or smart enough or loved enough by the man. There was always a chilly distance between them. His mother had been the link that held their family together, he still missed her terribly, and when she'd died so had his sense of being a 'family'. He recalled now the final blow that had decided him on this rocky course of action he followed. His father had been away for a couple of days, due to his work, leaving him with his grandmother *again*. When his father had returned he was in a foul mood, which should have warned him to stay clear, told him to give his father a wide berth, but it wasn't going to happen like that. At dinner he'd done something clumsy and stupid, yet no real harm had come of it, but it just set off a chain reaction that culminated in his running away. His father had chewed him out unfairly, so hurt by this treatment he found himself angered and mouthing off, which surprised him because he'd never really done this before. Usually he was the model of etiquette, politeness, and control but that night he couldn't stop himself, the tension between the two of them had mounted so much, that he just lost his control. His cool blue eyes flashed and a battle of wills ensued, then those fateful words were uttered and quickly reined back in. "God, you're just like your father." Those words startled him, when they finally penetrated and he'd seen the look on his father's face, regretful at having said it and trying to take it back. Had he heard him right? He was talking nonsense now, he had to be. What was this talk as if the man he was fighting with now wasn't his father? His concern was voiced as if his father were going insane, and incredulous he tried to laugh it off. "What? What are you talking about dad? Have you lost it? You're my father. Right?" His father had calmed down quite a bit as he hastily replied. "Of course Paddy. Who else would I be?" His father had forced a laugh which sounded hollow, but Patrick, called by the Irish nickname 'Paddy' by his family and friends since as long as he could remember, accepted it at face value. Later that night when his father and grandmother had thought he was asleep, he eavesdropped on them, especially because he'd heard his name mentioned. Listening in the dark hallway outside the living room where they sat he heard something which would change his life forever. "Bruce I know you're stressed with work and Julie's death bringing Paddy into your life full time now, but you shouldn't have taken it out on the boy. I can't believe you said that to him. You promised Julie that you'd never tell him that he wasn't your son." The voice which responded back seemed deflated and sad. "I know. But sometimes I just look at Paddy and all I see is Fraser..." The rest of the conversation was also enlightening but a bit of a jumble to his overwhelmed mind, as Paddy silently slid down the hallway wall, his face a picture of shock... Two questions kept taunting him over and over. *Who am I? Who's Fraser?* Out of the recesses of his memories, he recalled visiting with grandpa Buck once and seeing a photo his grandfather had of himself as a young mountie standing beside another mountie, both in their uniforms. He'd asked him who the man with him was and was told he was an old good friend named Robert Fraser. The picture was very old and the guy was around grandpa Buck's age. His father, or the man he once thought was his father, couldn't have meant him he thought to himself. His mind was racing trying to put this puzzle together. It was starting to make some sense to him now. He always assumed that the reason he didn't resemble his *father* much was because his looks favored more his mother's side of the family. They were mostly light complexioned, fair haired or blonde with hazel colored eyes. His 'father's' family all were of Irish descent with dark or auburn hair and most of them were brown or green eyed. Paddy's looks were what most people would consider strikingly handsome, especially the young girls his age, who fell all over themselves trying to get his attention and affection. His teenaged build was tall and well muscled with broad shoulders. His hair was a sandy blonde; he was light skinned; and his youthful face looked chiseled by a masterful artist; but what captured most people's attention were his beautiful bottomless blue eyes. That feature made him stand out the most and neither side - mother or father - had eyes like this. Paddy's whole world had just been turned upside down, leaving him to worry, because he didn't know who he was or where he belonged. He felt he understood now why the man he thought was his father had treated him the way he did all these years. Hearing the occupants of the other room start to get up to leave it, he hurried quickly back to his room and plopped down on his bed. He couldn't sleep, he was too keyed up for that, instead he lay there thinking things through. He recalled now how his grandfather had disappeared for a short time 2 years ago and his mother had been beside herself with worry. She'd gone to the US, to Chicago, to get help from a mountie, who he remembered now had also been named Fraser, he'd overheard the name mentioned when she'd come back. His thoughts now turned to the belief that because he wasn't really his false father's son, he could never be loved or wanted by him... like if he were 'his' own son. This belief of Paddy's hurt, and before he truly thought things out, he was packing what he could carry in his knapsack and on himself. He decided he wasn't going to stay where he didn't belong, with someone who he felt really didn't want him. He'd lived with his mother when his parents had divorced 5 years ago, and only these past 2 months, since his mother's death, had he come to live with his father and sometimes with his grandmother who lived nearby. He had a loose plan working its way out bit by bit now, he'd find his real father or at the very least just see what he looked like. Paddy waited until the early morning hours to make his journey. He had overheard a drifter in his grandmother's general store this morning talking on the phone. He said he'd meet someone in Pipersville, three hours away, leaving at first light. Paddy had snuck out of the house dressed as warmly as he could for the weather of early December. He located the guy's truck and climbed into the back, covering himself up with a tarp back there. He figured he'd hitch a ride with him for a while, then find a way to continue due south. At the gas station diner he'd heard the guy fill up the tank and then saw him enter the restaurant, leaving Paddy with his golden opportunity now. He'd come up with this part of his plan while shivering in the back of the truck. His gloved, but still frozen feeling hands, managed to open the driver's side door which was left miraculously unlocked, upon further notice it actually was broken from someone having forced it open once before. He was familiar with the inner workings of cars from reading manuals about them at the libraries he frequented, and from having maintained his mother's old car on occasion. Paddy was normally remarkably patient and good with his hands, so that he soon had the pickup truck hot-wired. He had some money that he'd been saving up to buy an old used car of his own, stashed in his pocket, making him think, *Guess I won't be needing that used car. I've got a free one now.* Pulling out of the parking lot he caught up with the main highway that would take him over the border. He was pleased that all his reading was really starting to pay off, especially when an idea from one of the many adventure novels he'd read came to mind, as to how to sneak his way across the US-Canada border. Extremely nervous about doing something else illegal, when he came in view of the border he almost backed out of his plan. Gathering his courage and resolve he'd somehow managed to get across unnoticed and was well on the road towards his destination. He was so tired and cold by the time a week had passed of driving and sleeping in that chilled pick up truck to reach his goal. But as soon as he saw the skyline of the city beckoning him, he knew that Chicago was where he wanted to be... where he needed to be. It was just a matter of finding this Fraser guy now. Paddy was apprehensive about meeting him, still just curious more to see who he was, rather than introduce himself saying *Hi. I'm your son.*. He wondered if this guy even knew he existed? Even if he didn't have the courage to introduce himself, at least he wasn't back in that going-nowhere-town in Canada, but here in this large city he could make his own way in the world. He was smart, he was sixteen, he figured he could master the world and take care of himself. His first day in the city he had located the Canadian Consulate where he figured would be the most likely place a mountie would be stationed. He wasn't disappointed when he drove by it and saw a man in a very familiar serge uniform standing at his post in front of the building. *How many mounties could there be in Chicago?* he asked himself, so he assumed this must be the one he was looking for. Paddy had driven by a couple of times to get a better look at the man, who never seemed to blink or move at all. It was cold outside, but the man didn't seem to notice or care. He'd parked the truck near enough to the consulate that he had a vantage point of being able to watch the mountie, but at the same time not be noticed. He observed him from afar, noting the strangers and tourists gawking at the man or trying to make him react, but none could succeed in breaking his concentration and vigil. At 5PM a church clock nearby chimed the hour and he came to life instantly. A green '71 Buick Riviera pulled up alongside the curb in front of him. Paddy couldn't see the driver of the car well from his vantage point, but realized Fraser must know who it was, because he was opening the passenger door and for the first time that day he was displaying emotion. His friend must have said something funny, because Fraser's face broke out into a broad smile and a laugh escaped him, as he held the backseat down for the wolf that was with him and entered the car. At a discreet distance he tailed the car to see where they were going, figuring it was most likely Fraser's home he was being led to. At one long light he noticed that Fraser had moved closer to the driver of the car. Paddy was tired and felt his eyesight was playing tricks on him when it looked as if Fraser kissed his friend on the cheek. This surprised him because he had thought the driver was a man, but he still hadn't seen who it was well enough yet, and thought maybe now it was a woman; perhaps Fraser's girlfriend or wife? But then he rationalized that what really happened must have been he whispered something over to the driver. That's how he left it in his mind. The light had finally changed and soon after the Riviera stopped in front of an apartment complex in a seedy looking neighborhood. All three occupants of the car exited it and he could see the other person better now, but from behind. He was a very thin man about the same height as Fraser, wearing a winter hat and stylish long warm winter coat. They seemed to be in good spirits as they entered the building. Fraser's friend had his hand hovering right behind him for a few seconds, almost as if he was unsure where he wanted to place it, and then made contact with his left shoulder as they walked that way into the building. The driver of the car hadn't come back out in the time Paddy set up his vigil. After a few hours though and having seen some suspicious looking people and activity on this street, he decided to find a better place to sleep for the night. He'd parked the truck in a hotel's parking garage that night and slept in the truck there. The next day he went through the same routine, again seeing Fraser at his post, but this time Paddy was debating with himself whether or not he should get out of the car. **************** Fraser had been given this sentry duty, in the cold of December, by a vengeful Thatcher. She had assigned him afternoon shifts of duty out here as punishment for his actions, which caused her to still be tangled up in a bureaucratic nightmare involving himself, Ray, pathological liar Ian MacDonald, the RCMP, the Chicago Police Department, the Canadian government, the US military and supposed UFOs. He winced inwardly whenever he would recall her chewing him out - rightfully so - when he'd returned from being detained by the US government, at one of their special bases he'd trespassed on. Ray had been given some less then desirable duties as well by Welsh as punishment, and they'd barely seen much of each other for almost a week after that. It had hurt Fraser, but he knew that Ray had needed that time away from him to calm down. Ray had been furious with Ian and especially Ben, for having gotten him, against his better judgment, messed up with the liar once again. In order to get back in Ray's good graces, Fraser had had to promise never to mention Ian or the incident ever again, and was told in no uncertain terms that if Fraser 'ever' asked for Ray's help again on something even remotely related to Ian, he could forget it and according to Ray - 'would have to find someone else to warm his bed.' He knew Ray loved him deeply, and wondered if he would really follow through on this threat, should the mischievous and trouble following Ian cross their path again... Fraser prayed he'd never find out. While standing there mannequin-like, he recalled now how Ray had asked him once, how he could stand immobile for so long. He'd teased and confessed to him that although he was observant of what was going on around him, he detached a part of himself slightly by daydreaming of his lover. This could keep him pleasantly occupied for hours. Ray had laughed at that, but Ben could see that his lover liked his answer; especially when he was rewarded for it later that night. Laughing to himself he remembered Ray asking him, as Ben lay in his arms after their having made love. "So will this make it into those daydreams of your's Benny?". He'd kissed him then playfully replying. "It should help keep my mind occupied for at least a couple of weeks, but I think it could last me a month if you would do that thing with ... oh yes... yesss... that's exactly what I meant... oh Ray there... please don't stop." Fraser smiled inwardly to himself recalling that pleasurable night again - Ray would be pleased, this was one of his favorite daydreams and had lasted him well beyond a month now. He was pulled from his reverie when his attention was called to that same pickup truck that had passed by him two times yesterday. He noticed, without any outward sign that he had, that the truck had parked across the street about a block up. He saw, without seeming to see, that a young boy of about sixteen had gotten out and was walking across the street, then down the block, eventually passing right by him. The boy pretended not to notice him as he passed by. But to an observant Fraser, he could tell that something was wrong and it appeared as if the teenager was checking him out, perhaps wanting to - yet fearing to - talk with him about some trouble or another. He'd observed that the boy looked agitated, tired, very cold, his clothes were rumpled most likely from having slept in them, and he hadn't bathed in a couple of days. Fraser came to the conclusion that this kid was homeless and most likely a run away. This boy had run a long way too he could tell from the pickup truck's license plates, which were from Fraser's home as well - the Northwest Territories. The polar bear shaped plates were the main feature of the truck, which made him notice it right away yesterday and again today. Not one to ignore a person in need, especially a child from his own beloved home, he broke his sentry stance easily and followed after the boy. This breaking from his assigned sentry duty was acceptable by emergency statutes of his handbook. If while on sentry duty he should feel life threatened for himself or another in the vicinity he was empowered to act on his own initiative within certain guidelines. Why else have a sentry if it weren't to look out for trouble and prevent it? In this case the trouble in the vicinity of the consulate was this young man. Who better to help him than someone from his own homeland, and representing the Canadian government here in the US. He was right behind the boy now. "You know I'm always amazed how these people of Chicago can consider this cold. Up in Inuvik, where I grew up, its so cold the polar bears wear parkas when they visit." The boy had stopped suddenly startled and Fraser could see he was laughing, but trying not to, as he turned around to stare at the once immobile mountie he'd passed just moments ago. The boy just replied "You should try living in..." He stopped suddenly when he realized he was about to say something that would give him away. He finished his sentence instead with a lie. "Inuvik, never heard of it. Why're you following me? I didn't do anything wrong." Fraser gave him one of his patented patient looks. "Actually I was going to ask you a similar question. Why were you watching me? I noticed your plates and that you'd driven by the consulate a couple of times yesterday and again today. When you walked by me just moments ago, I thought I could help out a fellow native of the Territories. You appear to be a long way from home and perhaps lost?" The boy seemed disturbed when he'd mentioned noticing the plates, like they were something he should have thought of to disguise, and then the other comments seemed to make him more on edge, letting Fraser know he'd most likely hit too close to home for the boy, reasserting Fraser's belief he was a run away. The boy spoke again, trying to make it sound like the truth, but the way Fraser heard it he could hear the wheels turning in the boy's mind to come up with a story to appease him, make him go away. "No. Um, I'm here with my dad. Ah... visiting family. I'm gonna be late, so well... if its ok I'd like to go now." Fraser gave the boy a concerned look, like he wasn't buying the story, but couldn't come up with an excuse to keep the kid there with him any longer. "Oh. I see. Well I don't want to keep you from your family. I'm sure they must be worried about you. Especially you not being from around here and out on your own in the city. Its quite different from the Territories isn't it? It can be very dangerous." The boy gave him a strange look wondering if Fraser had caught on to him. The way Fraser said those things to him was almost as if he were underlying it with something else, but Paddy couldn't tell. "Yeah, well, its ok. I'm old enough to take care of myself. I've been around cities before and my family doesn't worry about me." Fraser's mind raced for a way to get the kid to open up to him, he could still sense the kid was afraid of something, and felt there was a reason the boy had been drawn to the consulate and possibly even to him in particular. "I'm sure they do worry, no matter whether you're sixteen..." he noticed the reaction he'd gotten out of the boy, making him realize he'd guessed right about the age '... or thirty-five. Well I won't keep you any longer. But if you need me you know where to find me. I'm Constable Benton Fraser and you are...?" The kid seemed trapped by this simple question and again Fraser could see his mind was racing to come up with an answer. "Ah.. Morgan... ah Jeremy Morgan." Fraser had excellent peripheral vision and had seen the truck that passed behind him turning the corner, while to anyone else seeing their interchange it would have seemed as if he had just been looking at the boy in front of him. The truck had the name MORGAN MOVERS on the side, this lie was again confirming for Fraser that the kid was in trouble and needed his help. Fraser wasn't going to play this game any longer, he felt certain that his deduction was correct and 'Jeremy' was a Canadian run away. "Jeremy, if that's your real name, why don't you tell me the real reason you're here. Maybe I can help. There's a diner around the corner. I'll buy you dinner and we can talk. Ok?" He'd heard the kid's stomach growling a few times while they had been talking earlier. Fraser figured food might get the kid to stay with him for a little while at least and perhaps give him the needed time and trust for 'Jeremy' to open up to him. He could see in the boy's innocent blue eyes a battle going on inside him whether or not to take him up on his offer. The boy responded with a half-hearted. "I told you why I was here. And I'm not hungry at all. I had a large breakfast and lunch with my family already today." But the battle ended when Jeremy's stomach protested and rumbled loud enough for them both to hear it. Despite Jeremy's words to the contrary, Fraser wondered how long it actually had been since this kid had eaten anything. He grew more concerned for him and when Jeremy's own body betrayed him with his reaction to the offer of food, he knew he couldn't let this boy leave him. Fraser feared for this run away out on his own with no one to care for him, especially because Ben himself knew how cruel this city could be to innocents like Jeremy. He'd seen too many of them out on the streets, aged beyond their actual years, their young lives wasted and taken advantage of by the pimps and drug dealers. Looking at this handsome young boy he was afraid to see that happen to him, and he knew it would if he let him out of his sight. There was also something else about him that was bugging and endearing him to Fraser, which he couldn't put his finger on right now, but it would come to him later he subconsciously thought. This strange feeling only compelled him to keep battering at Jeremy's self-defense mechanisms that were actually getting in the way of making sure he stayed healthy and alive long enough to reach adulthood. When Jeremy's stomach had growled Fraser gave him an understanding yet teasing smile. "Well if you're sure...?" He could see in those beautiful eyes that he was close to earning a level of trust and was relieved when Jeremy finally relented. "Yeah, well, I suppose I could choke down a burger or something." Fraser smiled at this small victory and guided his newly acquired stray to the aforementioned diner. At the door before they entered the diner Jeremy playfully teased Fraser by pointing to his uniform. "You might want to fix that lanyard of your's." Jeremy/Paddy smiled and enjoyed the reaction he'd gotten to this. Fraser had uttered an 'Oh dear' and 'Thank you kindly', as a look like this was the worst thing imaginable to occur, and in public no less, crossed his face. Jeremy was smiling outside but laughing inside. *Works every time.* he said to himself. Grandpa Buck still fell for it to this day and Jeremy wondered if it was just their way of playing a game with each other or if he really believed him when he'd said it for the millionth time. Thinking about grandpa Buck brought a pang of guilt and sadness. He admired and respected his grandfather very much, and realized now that he'd probably be the only one who was hurt or worried about his disappearance. He knew he'd find out he was gone soon, despite the fact that his father and grandpa Buck didn't care for each other. Grandpa Buck hadn't been doing well the last time he'd seen him. But Jeremy also knew that at one time his grandfather had been considered one of the best trackers in the Northwest Territories, probably in all of Canada. These thoughts worried him, because he was afraid for his grandfather's health should he try to come looking for him. The last time he'd seen his grandfather he seemed to have aged so much more since his Jeremy/Paddy's mother's death. He realized his mother's death in a car accident about 2 months ago had not only been devastating to him, but to grandpa Buck as well, who's daughter she'd been and who he'd doted on. He was interrupted from his thoughts by the man who had yet to realize that the boy he thought was a run away was that but so much more... he'd run from one father to another - the one who didn't know this important piece of information was sitting in the booth with him now asking him yet another question that was interrupted by their waitress. Their waitress smiled happily when she saw her favorite handsome repeat customer at her table. "Hi Constable Fraser. Who's your friend? A relative or somethin'?" Fraser was taken aback by her remark. "Good afternoon Marie. Oh no, he's just a friend from back home. This is Jeremy Morgan." Marie and Jeremy/Paddy said their helloes to each other when Fraser introduced them. "So what can I get for you gentleman today?" She took their orders and headed back to the kitchen where she ran into her young friend and coworker Alice. She teased. "Alice that cute mountie's here again and he brought along a friend for you. I think I need to work in the Northwest Territories. They sure grow some really nice looking men up there." Meanwhile Fraser tried to draw out some more information on his new found young friend. "So Jeremy do you play hockey?" The kid's face lit up. "That's like asking the Pope if he goes to Sunday mass. Of course I play. Doesn't everyone?" he laughed. They got into the details of discussing the sport they both loved. "Perhaps we can play some time? How long and where are you staying?" Jeremy/Paddy was getting uncomfortable again, realizing that Fraser was feeling him out again with these sneaky questions of his. He had to hand it to the mountie, he was pretty good at distracting him, getting him to talk and then throwing these zingers by him, making Jeremy/Paddy work hard to come up with answers. "Well I won't be here long. Maybe just until tomorrow or the next day. Depends on my dad." Fraser tried another question. "Oh, what about your mother? Is she here with you too?" Fraser noticed the question must have hit a sensitive nerve, because the kid reacted strongly and sadly to this one. He snapped out. "My mum's dead." Compassionately Fraser responded. "I'm sorry. I know how you feel." The kid looked annoyed. "Yeah right." "I do. My mother died in a freak accident protecting me, when I was around six. I was quite young, but I still remember her fondly and miss her to this day." Paddy looked empathetically over at his father. "I'm sorry. Guess you must have felt guilty too?" Ben was startled at how perceptive the kid was. That was exactly how he'd felt for a long time afterwards, there was still an echo of that guilt within him even today. He'd blamed himself for her death, because he'd run off after his pet otter who'd escaped, even when his mother told him not to. He hadn't listened to her and soon found himself confronted by an angry wild bear out in the wilderness by their home. She'd come after him and threw herself over him just as he was about to be attacked. He shivered at the remembrance of how she felt on top of him, her muffled cries and how terrified he was as she took the brunt of the attack. If it hadn't been for his father coming then with his shotgun, Ben probably wouldn't have survived. He'd been the lucky one and only had relatively minor marks on him, that soon healed. But the psychological marks didn't for a long time. He knew how much his father loved his mother and always felt a part of his father's temporary insanity, his leaving him with his grandmother and later the coldness and awkwardness towards his son stemmed from his blaming Ben for his mother's death, although he'd never say it. What Ben didn't realize was that his father had actually blamed himself for not getting there sooner to prevent the attack in the first place. At first he'd disregarded his wife's request for help to track down their headstrong son, thinking that the kid wasn't too far away. Bob Fraser knew his wife and son knew the area around the house pretty well that they wouldn't get lost. He changed his tune minutes after she'd already left, when he recalled a warning posted about some nasty bears in the area. Coming upon his wife's mauled body and then realizing his son was with her had chilled him to the core and remained to haunt him for the rest of his days. He felt as if he'd failed as their protector and wasn't a worthy father to look after his son after that, especially when he'd gone into a deep depression and had neglected to care for his young son for almost four days. "Hey. Earth to Fraser. You still with me?" Fraser shook himself from the horrific memories and concentrated on the kid in front of him again. He gave the boy a half-smile. "Sorry about that. There's an Inuit story my friend Eric told me once about a mother wolf and her cub and the Raven. One day..." He was interrupted by the kid before he could even really get started. The boy was laughing. "Yeah I know that one. But I still don't get how the Raven knew they were in that cave..." Fraser smiled at the kid, other than the Inuit people themselves, no one had ever known one of the stories he'd relayed before. They discussed the story and the Inuit people in general and he found the boy was quite knowledgeable in that area. After eating their meal, the kid had a pretty healthy appetite, he noticed Jeremy/Paddy looked even more tired than when he'd first met him. Much of the kid's conversation with him now was punctuated with yawns. "Sorry Constable. Its not you, I'm just tired." Fraser smiled knowingly as he thought to himself. *I'll just bet you are. Running can be exhausting.* "Jeremy I promise to help you. You're welcome to stay with me. At least stay tonight." Jeremy/Paddy finally relented, Fraser was pleased that another victory had been won. They walked back to the consulate, where Fraser reported that he was leaving early to Jasmine and quickly left with not much more of an explanation than that, for fear the kid waiting for him downstairs would bolt. He'd barely got the boy to stand inside the door of the consulate. He was relieved to see Jeremy/Paddy had kept his promise and was there waiting for him at the door. They got into Jeremy/Paddy's truck and Fraser was surprised to note that the kid seemed to know where to drive to without really getting many directions from Fraser. Leading him to conclude that his earlier deduction that the kid may have been singling him out specifically was correct. ******************************** It was about 5:00 PM when Ray knocked at his lover's apartment door, not waiting for the door to be opened he knew it was unlocked and started to let himself in. At the same time he pushed it open, he felt it being pulled from his hand. Fraser was there letting him in. "Hi Benny." He must have said this too loud, because the next thing he knew Ben's finger rested gently on Ray's lips and he whispered a "Hello Ray. Shhh" over to him. Ray lightly kissed the finger at his mouth and did as his lover wished, whispering to him as he removed his coat and entered the apartment further. "Why am I whispering Benny? Are you practicing listening to the wind again? Or just eavesdropping on your neighbors?" Ben had his hand on Ray's arm leading him deeper into the apartment but away from the bedroom. Ray looked concerned as he quietly said. "I went by the consulate. They told me you'd skipped out early. You sick or somethin'? You're ok aren't you?" He reached up to feel his lover's forehead, which felt nice but not hot with a fever. He breathed a sigh of relief at this and especially when Fraser responded. "No need to worry Ray. I don't get sick. I feel just fine. I have a guest in the other room. He's sleeping now and I don't want to wake him. Poor kid is exhausted." Ray peered around the corner of the door jamb to look into the somewhat lit bedroom at Fraser's guest. All he could see of the sleeping teenaged boy was a bit of dark blond hair peeking out from under Fraser's blankets. "You're picking up strays again aren't you Benny? What've I told you about this? Ya can't adopt them all Benny. Ya know the worst part? You're gonna rope me in too, aren't ya?" Fraser's face changed to that of a seducer smiling over at his chosen manipulatee, who had guessed right in that regard. Moving teasingly close he whispered over to him, turning up the body language in order to snare his lover deeper under his spell. "Please Ray. He's a run away from the Territories. He looked so troubled and lost, I had to help him. Thatcher is still angry with me for the last time I got involved with a 'non-assigned venture', relegating me to sentry duty for 3 months. She wouldn't understand. I need help tracking down a license plate from the Territories, and finding out who this boy is. Will you please help us?" Ray gave him a smug I-knew-it look and responded quietly over to him. "I'll do it on one condition." Fraser breathed out seductively. "Anything Ray." Ray smiled and thrilled to how his lover responded to him. "Kiss me already." Fraser placed his arms around Ray, who embraced him in return. Then Ben was purposely guiding them away from the bedroom door again and deeper into the apartment, so as not to be seen accidentally by his young houseguest. His lips pressed teasingly brief kisses on Ray's neck near his ear, working his way to his chin, then on to his face, all the while evoking pleasurable soft sighs from Ray, until he finally made full contact with his lover's enthusiastic lips pulling at his own. The way Ray kissed him was always exhilarating, sensual, inviting him to keep taking more, so that now Ben's tongue pushed its way into a more than willing mouth, and he lost himself in the sensational feel and taste of him; and with this merging perfect fit he was reminded yet again, of how all he wanted in this world was in his arms and miraculously fully his. He could 'feel' that Ray was enjoying this as much as he was, but both knew that with the kid in the room nearby, their passionate kiss was as far as they could go... for now. In mid-kiss Ray could feel a piece of paper being stuffed into his hand. His puzzled eyes caught those of his partner as he pulled out of the kiss to look at what his lover had passed him. Recovering his breath slightly he teased his lover. "You're a sneaky one Benny. Sometimes I think ya just love me for my job." Ben looked worried and hoped he hadn't pushed his will on his lover too hard. "No. That's not true Ray. I love you for everything you are." Ray smiled reassuringly to let him know he understood. "I know. What's this? A picture of the kid? Hmmm, looks real familiar, but I can't place him. Maybe somethin' passed through on him? Ya know this is real good. You could take up art on the side. Earn some extra money to keep me in the lifestyle I've grown accustomed to." Fraser laughed quietly. "Oh and what lifestyle is that Ray?" Ray smiled back. "Why this glamorous life I lead of hobnobbing with all the best kinds of people: dealers, pimps, thieves and homicidal maniacs. Who all seem to live in your neighborhood I might add. I'll see what I can dig up on the kid, maybe get Elaine's help. She's doin' a late shift tonight." Ben's face and eyes reflected his thanks, but he verbalized it as well. "Thank-you Ray. I really appreciate this. He hasn't told me much directly about himself, other than his name is Jeremy Morgan, which I believe to be an alias. The plates of his pick-up truck were from the Territories. The license number is on the back of the picture I just gave you. When I took him to dinner earlier, he made mention that his mother was dead, and had made reference to a father who it seems is still living. His cover story was he's here with his father, he's visiting family, but its got more holes than swiss cheese... to be fair the way he said it there did seem to be some truth underlying it... I can't make out what that is though." Ray knew his lover well and could tell that Fraser was going to get himself in deep trying to help this kid. He prayed the kid was worth the trouble, because he hated the thought of seeing Ben used and hurt. Ray suspected this kid could easily do it to him too, so he was going to have to be on extra guard, to ensure the run away didn't take advantage of someone a protective and loyal Ray loved very much. Walking towards the apartment door, Ray responded to the briefing he'd just been given with good-natured sarcasm. "Looks like you've got all the overnight company you can handle right now. So I suppose you want me to get started on this right away? I was startin' to miss my desk anyway. I'll swing by again later tonight with what I come up with; but mostly so you can tell me how much you love and appreciate me. Ok?" Fraser stopped him at the door with a hand on his arm to turn him to face him. "Ray?" "Yeah Benny?" "I really do love and appreciate you." he followed those words with a heartfelt good-bye kiss. Afterwards he stood holding the door open for a little while, admiring the view from behind, as Ray walked down the hallway. But all too soon the view was covered up by Ray's having put his coat back on as he stepped into the elevator. As Fraser moved to shut the door he had the feeling that someone was watching him. But when he looked behind him and into the bedroom, his guest still looked to be fast asleep. Shaking his head he thought to himself. *Naw. He didn't see anything. It was probably Diefenbaker.* when he noticed the wolf staring intently over at him. Fraser was wrong, his young guest had been the one watching him. Jeremy/Paddy had woken up at the sound of muffled voices talking by the door just a few minutes ago. When he'd opened his eyes to see who was there, he could just barely make out the man who had driven Fraser home the other day whispering over to the mountie, then the mountie placing a hand on the visitor turning him to kiss him. Jeremy's jaw dropped in shock when he saw that, realizing that this man must be Fraser's boyfriend. The thought of his real father being a gay mountie never would have crossed his mind if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes; first in the car yesterday he thought he'd imagined it and now there at the door it was obviously so. He figured Fraser must have sent his visiting lover home because Jeremy was there. Jeremy was even more confused now about how he should feel towards this man who was his father. Jeremy/Paddy wasn't one to be judgmental of others, but this new information about Fraser certainly put a different spin on their relationship. Although he felt awkward with the knowledge he now possessed, he didn't feel right about judging Fraser's choice of lifestyle, especially since the man had shown Jeremy/Paddy nothing but compassion, understanding and kindness since this afternoon. He was beginning to think he understood why his *real* father wasn't in his life now and was stationed in Chicago, far from his native Canada. He also imagined that his mother must have found out about Fraser being gay and it would be too scandalous and awkward for her to have married a bisexual mountie, even if the man was the father of her child. Jeremy/Paddy felt like he was part of a really bad soap opera as he lay there trying to pretend to be asleep, so as not to let on that he had seen anything. As he tried to think out what the next part of his plans should be, his exhaustion of the past few days caught up with him and he was soon asleep again. But not before he could hear Fraser preparing for bed, laying down his bedroll on the floor near the window and close to his wolf. There was faint light coming from a low lit lantern next to him and Jeremy was lulled by every now and again the whisper of pages being turned. Despite all the disturbing things that he'd heard, done and seen this last week, he was amazed at how peaceful, calm and with every minute that passed comfortable he was in Fraser's presence and home, despite his shock at Fraser's being gay. However the peace was to be disrupted later by a vivid dream. He had dreaded sleep ever since his mother died in the car accident a little over two months ago... There he was with his mother again at grandpa Buck's isolated cabin, which was two hours drive from where they lived. They hadn't seen him in about a month and his mother insisted on visiting with him. He knew she was always worried he'd run off again after trouble and was concerned for him, because although he pretended he was still as physically sharp and young as he used to be, she knew his age was starting to creep up on him. She was smiling teasingly at her father. "Dad something's been bothering me for a while now." His grandfather looked concerned about that. Paddy knew Buck adored his mother and was loathe to have her worried or upset about anything. "Oh? What's that my sweet jewel?" he answered teasingly back. "Why do you carry around cousin Betty's communion picture and not a picture of me or Paddy? I'm really hurt." His grandfather looked startled and surprised. "You mean that's not you?" She was laughing that soft tinkling laugh of her's, at the answer and reaction she'd gotten. Looking smug she responded. "I thought so. Dad you stubborn old mule. How many times have I told you to wear those glasses of your's?" Buck looked affronted. "My eyesight has never been sharper. I just thought she was a cute kid and wanted to show her picture to a friend. Just forgot to take it out of my pack is all." She was still laughing lightly at the obvious lie, as she teased her father. "Well I guess I'll just have to keep this....", she had a picture she pulled from her purse in her hand now, "... your bag's too full for it." Buck knew she was teasing and played their game some more. "Oh, I could probably find room for it, especially if its a picture of your cousin Cindy." Paddy couldn't help but smile at the interchange that was going on between these two people who meant the world to him. "I'll give it to you on one condition. You wear those glasses of your's more often. I know you have them. Wear them! I don't want someone from the RCMP bothering me in the wee hours of the night telling me you fell over a cliff, you didn't see, while looking for the outhouse. Not a dignified way to go dad." His grandfather and Paddy were laughing at the poignant image she evoked. His grandfather relented and pulled out his glasses and put them on as she handed him the picture. Paddy knew which one it was without having to look at it himself. It was a somewhat recent one with himself and his mother, which a fellow tourist had taken, while they had gone on vacation this past summer via train through the Canadian Rockies. His mother gave her father a peck on the cheek. "Much better." He could tell that his grandfather liked the picture even though he continued to tease. "So who are these two? Look sort of suspicious to me. Must have seen them on a WANTED poster or something." With this last remark he winked over at Paddy, as he laughed at his daughter, who was punching him in mock anger on the arm. "Daaadddd..." Then he grew serious as he smiled affectionately at them both. "Thank-you Julie. I'll keep it with me always." The dream shifted and now Paddy was in the car driving himself and his mother home from grandpa Buck's cabin that same night. They lived in a college town in what passed for a city in those parts, although to most people from Toronto or Vancouver it was just a more populated town than the other towns in the area. They were talking, joking around and singing along with the radio. They had loved singing with each other. People who heard them always complimented them on how well each of them sang, especially when they harmonized together each year at midnight mass on Christmas Eve. It was night time and the roads were getting a little more slick and icy. Paddy had his driver's license for about a year then, he'd been allowed to get his license at age 15, a few months shy of his 16th birthday. She was laughing as she started a Christmas carol, teasing him to join in. "Mum its not even close to December yet and you're already singing carols?" She smiled lovingly at him and spoke in her soft sweet voice. "Oh Paddy you know I love Christmas. I think I could sing carols all year round..." He grinned back at her, amused by her sense of fun. "Yeah I know. I caught you singing RUDOLF THE RED NOSED REINDEER last July." They laughed together at that. He adored his mother, she was not only beautiful and intelligent, but she was so vibrant, so... alive. Paddy's mother again started teasing him by singing WHAT CHILD IS THIS? and he couldn't resist her charm and joined her on the chorus. As she started to reach for a high note, her voice turned into a scream of "PADDY!" instead, as he lost control of the car on the slick pavement while coming around a corner trying to avoid a fallen tree in the road. He remembered feeling his mother's hand on him as she instinctively reached out to protect him any way she could, as the car flew off the embankment and into a tree, crushing the passenger side. Now in his dream all he could hear was her scream; all he could sense was her fear... all he could see was her beautiful face covered with blood from a head wound... "MUM!!!" he shouted both in his dream and out loud in his sleep, sitting bolt upright in the bed, trembling and breathing hard in terror. Fraser in a half-sleep had noticed that Jeremy/Paddy had been shifting restlessly in his sleep for a while, periodically muttering unintelligible words, which was the reason Ben was almost awake in the first place. When he screamed out for his mother Fraser was fully awake instantly and at the terrified boy's side in seconds. Jeremy/Paddy was disoriented and scared. His mind was racing with thoughts of, *Where was he?* and *Where was his mother? She was always there to soothe him when he had a nightmare.* He felt the bed shift and an arm go around his shoulders trying to comfort him, but he realized it wasn't who he desperately wanted it to be. In 'her' rightful place at his side there was a stranger instead trying to calm him. A stranger who happened to be his father. "Shhh. Its ok. You're safe. Just a bad dream." The tears he had on his face from his nightmare hadn't stopped when he woke up. He turned into the arm of the man seated next to him and placed his arms around him, sobbing on his shoulder. Jeremy/Paddy felt the embrace returned and hands rubbing his back, while a soft kind voice consoled him, asking after the sobs had slowed. "Do you want to talk about it?" Jeremy/Paddy, still with his head on his father's shoulder, was miserable as he forced the anguished words out. "I... I killed her." Fraser was stunned at this and fearful to hear the rest, thinking *this boy couldn't be a murderer... could he?* But he admonished himself for jumping to conclusions, and tried to draw the facts of the story out. "I know its hard, but please tell me about it. I want to help you." It was difficult for him to talk about the horrific night, the torturous pain and the unrelenting guilt he was overwhelmed by, but something about the voice and the man himself, made him feel compelled to trust more of himself to this stranger, yet somehow instinctively not a stranger father. Fraser had given him his undivided attention, just listening until the story ran its course. With each emotionally charged word his heart went out more and more to this young man, who by the end of the tragic story was sobbing in his arms again. "Listen to me. Listen. You didn't kill her. I know she loved you and wouldn't blame you. It was an accident. I think you know that too." Teenaged sad blue eyes looked into their adult compassionate mirror. "I miss her so much. She was everything to me; not just my mother, but my best friend. Now I have nobody. I'm alone." Fraser, who knew what it was like to feel that alone but fortunately wasn't any more now that he had Ray, shook his head. "No, that's not true. You're not alone. You have a new friend now. You have me." He was surprised at the magical transformation the boy went through with those words. Fraser was rewarded with the most beautiful smile and the sudden enthusiastic warm embrace he'd gotten in return clinched it - he adored this boy now and would do anything in his power to ensure he was healthy, happy and protected from whatever troubles were following him. He laughed to himself recalling Ray's words to him earlier. Speaking in his mind as if his lover could hear him. *You were right Ray. I've definitely acquired a stray. And you're going to adore him too despite yourself." Jeremy/Paddy had gone back to sleep after a little while and Fraser kept a vigil on him, and saw that this time he was sleeping much more peacefully than before. He was reading again when he heard a very light tap at his door around midnight, and Ray entered. Ben got up with the speed and quiet grace of a jungle cat as he intercepted his lover at the door. Ray looked tired and Fraser felt badly that he was the cause of those dark circles around his eyes. Ray whispered over at him. "Ok this is the part where you tell me you love and appreciate me again, so when I leave you I'll have pleasant dreams." Fraser was more than willing to concede to this wish of Ray's. "I love you more than life itself Ray, and I promise to show you my appreciation when we have our privacy again." He gave him a brief kiss after he'd said this. Despite what others may think, Fraser knew that Ray was a soft touch and easy to please with the right words and simple gestures of kindness. Behind all that armor of sarcasm and cynicism was someone who loved being needed and appreciated. He was good at interpreting Ray's face and could see he was getting into a serious mood. He knew this meant Ray had something to tell him he was afraid Ben wouldn't like and didn't want to hurt him. "Benny I've been calling all 'round gettin' what I can on your stray. Elaine and I were on the computer digging through files all night. Sorry Benny, but your run away has a reason for runnin'. That truck he's drivin' 'round in was used in an armed robbery up North, some town called Moosepaw..." Fraser couldn't stop himself from correcting him. "Moosejaw Ray." Ray continued. "Yeah whatever. Well it gets worse Benny. One of the clerks was shot and killed during the robbery. There were 2 robbers involved, their faces were covered with ski masks. The only description they had on these guys... well one could match up to the kid. Right size and build from what I could tell peeking in at him earlier. Please tell me he doesn't have blue eyes and I'll feel a hell of alot better." Fraser's own blue eyes briefly closed sadly when he heard this. Ray took that reaction as an admission of the fact neither wanted to hear and uttered a vehement expletive under his breath. Still believing in the boy's goodness, Fraser was afraid of what Ray was going to say next, he knew what was coming. Ray looked sincerely apologetic. "Benny ya know I'm gonna have to bring him in for questioning and detention until someone from the Canadian side can take over. I'm gonna have to wake him up. This one got ya good didn't he?" Fraser spoke pleading with his eyes and tone of voice. "Can you wait until the morning? He's had a pretty rough night already." Ray tried to avoid those eyes which could melt his resolve, and spoke with conviction in order to do his job and not let them both get suckered in by this kid. "Benny, its gotta be this way. Welsh knows about him. He stopped in briefly on his way to a musical with Esther and snuck up on Elaine and me talking about it at the computer. He put a call in to his counterparts in Canada and they're sending someone over to the precinct right away." Ray made a move towards the bedroom and Fraser reached out lightly to stop him. "Let me wake him. Talk to him first. He's starting to trust me. Then we'll come with you." Ray conceded sighing, "Sure Benny." and let Fraser precede him into the bedroom with the very low light on from Fraser's lantern. Fraser approached the bed and noticed it was empty with the covers hastily cast aside. He heard Ray swear again as Ray's eyes followed Fraser's to the escape route the kid had taken... the window. "He must have heard us and went down the fire escape." Fraser was immediately out the window in a heartbeat after that, Ray following right behind. By the time they made it to the ground in the alley Fraser was looking both ways and then standing stock still as he listened intently. He kept peeling away the sounds of the city at night, until he heard those noises which sounded probable, like the sound of running feet or of a car stopping suddenly as if avoiding a running boy. Fraser headed in the direction he thought that last one had come from. But minutes later he was muttering under his breath when Ray caught up to him, breathlessly shooting out one question after another. "Did ya see him? What's wrong? Why're we stoppin'?" Fraser looked annoyed with himself. "I should get my hearing checked, perhaps the constant noise from the city is starting to effect me. I failed to take in account the echo I heard, which from the sound of it should have indicated that I go in the other direction from the alley. That was so basic; so simple. A first year cadet could have heard and figured that out right away." Somehow Ray doubted that. What his friend did sometimes with his sharp mind and keen sense of sight, smell, hearing, touch and taste often astounded him - and that last often disgusted him as well; especially that one time he'd briefly forgotten and accidentally kissed Ben after he'd tasted something from a garbage dump they'd been rummaging through. *Blech!*, he said to himself and then, *Fraser always takes me on the best dates.* he laughed inwardly, as he remembered one of their first attempts at a real date. This one started with dinner, but ended up with them investigating the restaurant owner for health violations and locating that secret dump site, which led to environmental violations as well. After almost an hour of searching the alleyways near Fraser's place in the wee hours of the night; then talking with Welsh and the authorities from Canada in Welsh's office; when they'd been dismissed, Ray convinced Ben to call it a night at about 6 AM in the morning. Ray could see the toll this was taking on his friend and lover and he cursed the kid for doing what he feared would happen since the beginning... he was hurting Ben. When they returned to Ben's apartment Ray was so tired he crashed there, just laying there with Ben, holding his lover in his arms to comfort him; knowing Ben was filled with worry about some boy who reminded him of... it hit Ray like a ton of bricks when he'd gotten up from the bed to use the bathroom, and peeked back at his lover asleep tucked under the covers with just his dark mane of hair to be seen. He spoke to his lover in his mind. *He reminds you of you doesn't he? Too much hit close to home didn't it? The death of his mother. Awkward relationship with his father. Growing up in the isolated towns of the perpetually cold Territories. You even understood his feeling of being alone didn't you?* Ray looked compassionately over at Ben, his own stray he'd acquired almost three years ago. Moving back to sit beside his sleeping lover on the bed, he let the back of his hand trace feather light down the side of Ben's face which was turned towards him; in his mind seeing again the picture that Ben had drawn and given him earlier. *God he even looks a little like you must've as a boy. Oh man this one's gonna really hurt isn't it?* ************************* There was a knock at Fraser's door late one afternoon, about a week later, and Ben was happily surprised to see his father's and his old mountie friend Sergeant Duncan 'Buck' Frobisher on the other side. Buck had always been someone Ben had admired, respected and admitted to himself hero- worshipped since childhood. In many ways Buck was like a surrogate father to him, especially since his own father had died almost three years earlier. Ben smiled at the welcome visitor, but his face turned into one of concern when seeing the sad eyes and how old Buck had become since the last time he saw him just 6 months ago. Back then an adventurous and amusing Buck had helped him rescue a trainload of terrorist held RCMP Musical Ride mounties and stop the bomb on the train from taking out a sizable chunk of Chicago. The Buck standing in front of him now looked worn out and ready to give up on life. "Hello Buck? Its a pleasure to see you again. I'm beginning to think you live in Chicago too?" As Ben ushered Buck further into the apartment he led him to a chair at the kitchen table. "Hello Ben. No, you can keep this 'Windy City' you've adopted, I still prefer the white beauty of the Territories. I'm here on family business." Ben's eyes and voice reflected the concern he felt as he seated himself in the chair nearest Buck. "Oh? Are Julie and Paddy alright?" Buck's eyes briefly shut and he let out a shaky breath to steel himself at the mention of the two people Fraser knew were the closest to him. Restraining the deep emotion he felt, Buck answered as matter of fact as he could, to get him through this part. "Julie's gone Ben. She died in a car accident over two months ago." Ben took in a sharp intake of air at the tragic news. "Oh Buck, I'm so sorry. I hadn't heard. I'll always remember her. She was such a good and beautiful woman." Buck replied. "That she was and more. She left me a terrific - but currently troublesome - grandson that I seem to have misplaced. I tracked him down here to Chicago just today. I was hoping maybe you could help me locate Paddy, seeing as you're familiar with the lay of the land here." Fraser nodded and responded. "Of course I'll assist you Buck. I've been on a search for a run away myself. What makes you think your grandson is here in Chicago? Its an awfully long distance from the Territories to run to..." Then Fraser saw a connection in what he just said at the same time as he saw the family snapshot Buck placed in front of him of a smiling Julie and Paddy. He let out a gasp of recognition. "Oh dear. Buck I believe we're already working on the same case. This is the boy I've been looking for since last Tuesday. He was going by the name Jeremy Morgan when I met him." Buck seemed to perk up at that and pumped him for as much detail about the day Ben met and lost Jeremy/Paddy and what he'd already gone through to locate him. Buck filled Fraser in on the kid's home life with an estranged father, his guilt at feeling responsible for Julie's death and his confusion as to where he belonged. Fraser asked. "But why would he choose Chicago as his destination? What's here in Chicago that would make him drive thousands of miles in the winter? Why not somewhere else in Canada? Somewhere more familiar?" Fraser could tell there was something Buck was holding back from him. He could see it hovering behind those wise but tired eyes. "He's here to find his father." Fraser gave Frobisher a puzzled look and was afraid the man was going senile, because Buck had told him earlier Paddy was running away from his father who lived in Runamuckluk. "Buck you aren't making any sense. How could Paddy be running away from his father in Runamuckluk and be running to him in Chicago at the same time?" Buck sighed in resignation. "Because Bruce isn't his biological father. For which I'm thankful. Never liked the guy. Still don't know what Julie saw in him. Especially since she was in love with someone else." Fraser responded starting to understand. "Ah. I recall your telling me that once before, that time Geiger hunted you here a while back. Did she ever tell the man she really loved about his son? Obviously Jeremy, excuse me, Paddy knows who the man is. If you tell me who he is we can look him up. Maybe Paddy's with him now? I certainly hope so." Buck looked directly into Fraser's eyes as he revealed the identity of Paddy's father to him. Before he said the name he repeated what he'd once tried to tell him, that one time when Ben had asked him if he knew who the man was that Julie loved. He'd just hinted back then, but now he would fill in the man's name. "He's a nice guy. Kind of guy that would never let a friend down..." Ben's eyes widened a bit at the remembrance of these words, then Buck continued. "His name is Benton Fraser. And I have it on good authority that yes Paddy was with him. But apparently not for long." Fraser went through a myriad of reactions in the course of a minute at this news; first shock at the astounding information; then puzzlement as he recalled his past history with Julie; followed by acceptance of his role in creating such a beautiful child; then joy at the thought of being a father; to end with fear and an ache in his heart and soul for his missing child. Fraser wasn't sure how to discuss this with Buck. He had made love to Buck Frobisher's daughter and got her pregnant out of wedlock. Well actually it was close to her being in wedlock as he recalled, not to him but Bruce. Ben was amazed that Buck had known about his indiscretion with Julie, yet consistently treated him well all throughout his adult life and even now. He felt he should say something to apologize for what he'd done. "Buck I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I did care for your daughter and I meant her no disrespect. Please believe me." Buck gave him a knowing smile. "I know. When she told me she was divorcing Bruce she confessed to me the reason why. She still loved you Ben and her husband knew that Paddy wasn't his child. He had found out around then that he can't have children of his own. I had always hoped to have you as a son-in-law Ben - you're like a son to me - but I'm happy to have Paddy in your place. He really is a good boy, alot like you were at that age." *********************************** Ben hadn't stopped looking for the boy days after Paddy had run from him. He had noticed right away that his watch, which was one of the few mementos of the dead Fraser Sr he owned, was missing. The watch had been on the bedside table and he knew that Paddy had taken it in his escape from Fraser's apartment. Ben's desire to have the watch back only lasted a few seconds, when he realized that if the money for it were to help shelter or feed the boy, even for just a brief time, then the loss was worth it and served its purpose. It would also help serve as a way to track him, so he inquired over the next few days at several pawn shops in the city, but none had the watch or seen Paddy. Fraser knew that the boy was running not so much from him, but what he represented... the law. From his conversations with the boy, he had gotten the impression the kid was very familiar with the traditions of the mounties and seemed to respect them highly. He also got the sense that the kid disliked any involvement in crime and Ben knew the stolen truck and crossing illegally into the US must really have bothered the kid's conscience. Paddy had overheard what Ray said about the stolen truck, the bank robbery, the murder and Paddy's being a suspect. Fraser instinctively knew that the boy wasn't a killer, but Paddy thinking Fraser and other's believed it just made the teenager run even harder. Ray had had the truck impounded and the forensics team had discovered evidence linking the truck further to the crime up in Moosejaw. Paddy's fingerprints and those of another were all over the vehicle incriminating him further. There was also part of the stash of stolen money hidden inside the driver's seat of the truck. It hadn't been touched until then and only the other fingerprints were on it. Fraser knew that Paddy didn't know he'd been sitting on 25,000 dollars Canadian that whole time he drove the vehicle. Every night after his shift at the consulate, Fraser was out wandering or driving around the city, with Ray in tow when Ray was of a mind to join him in the search. During the day Fraser would call Ray's cellular phone several times, to check on whether any reports had come in on the boy. He'd also been calling the hospitals and shelters daily, becoming a pest, as he kept inquiring whether they'd admitted a boy there matching Paddy's description. After a week of this Ray decided to have a serious talk with Ben about his obsession with the run away. Ray forced Ben to sit and then squatted down in front of him looking up at him sympathetically as he grabbed hold of one of his hands, the other hand touching his lover's face to catch his eyes. "Benny, he's gone. The PDs looking for him too. They'll find him. And if he wants to be found he knows where you are. I know you're worried about him, but you're overdoin' it. You'll make yourself sick. I'm worried about you." Fraser was touched by his lover's concern for his well being, but Ben's tired sad eyes told Ray that he was stubbornly going to keep looking. Those eyes were also trying to tell him something else. "Benny there's something you haven't told me about him yet isn't there?" Ben was surprised all over again at how well his lover could read him and nodded. He had to tell him about Buck's visit earlier that day and that Buck would be returning shortly, after checking out of his hotel. He was coming over with his gear to room with Fraser until they found Paddy. "Ray you may want to sit down for this." Ray did as he was told growing more worried by the second as he held on tightly to one of Ben's hands. "Talk to me Benny." Fraser looked straight into his lover's eyes and with a smile forcing its way to his lips he shared his special knowledge. "That run away is my son Ray." The reaction he'd gotten was amusingly and beautifully priceless as Ray spluttered a few times trying to come up with something to say, but he was speechless. " Whoa! Wha???... H???...???" Ray always had something to say about everything and he laughed at his lover's attempt to ask a million questions at once without fully voicing a single one. Ben knew intuitively what Ray wanted to ask him and therefore shared his story about Julie and subsequently Paddy now... Ben had lived in the same town as Julie and her now ex- husband Bruce for a short time when they were all teenagers attending the same regional high school. Ben had known Julie even longer than that since their father's had been close friends. Not having alot of family, Ben had grown up thinking of Julie as if she were a sister or cousin. Whenever they saw each other, which didn't happen all that often during most of their childhood, they had enjoyed each other's company and found they had alot in common. The thing they had most in common was a love for music. They found they enjoyed singing together and harmonized quite beautifully according to those lucky enough to hear them. Fraser had moved around a few times in his young life and because of this, part of his last year of high school had been spent at the same school as Julie, much to his and her happiness. They had both joined the school chorus and often discussed the musical selections and practiced the pieces after school. As the school year progressed Ben started feeling things for Julie that he had a hard time reconciling, especially since he'd always thought of her as family. He'd been a virgin back then and was increasingly made aware of that fact each time he was with Julie. He was beginning to see her in a new light now - no longer just the girl he'd known since they were small, but a desirable woman; especially those times when she'd brush up against him leaning over to read a piece of sheet music he had or he'd watch her smiling sensual mouth as it released the most beautifully perfect sounds. He could sense her attraction to him as well and often wondered if some of those accidental touches were deliberate or snatches of suspicious looks at him were really what he thought. But each time he'd brush it off and pretend he didn't notice with a - *This is Julie...* he'd remind himself, *Buck's daughter... I can't think of her like this.* The school year had come to an end. Ben had been named valedictorian of their graduating class and Julie had been salutatorian. Graduation day was a happy occasion for them both and they had given their speeches and sung their absolute best together that day at the ceremony. Both of their fathers had been present, amicably bickering and teasing each other about who's child had the better speech or who sang better, there was alot of pride in both children that day. They had all gone out to have a celebratory dinner after the ceremony and had run into Bruce and his family at the restaurant. Julie had been dating Bruce O'Connor for three years then and had just broken up with him for the second time in their relationship a couple of days earlier. Bruce had wanted her to marry him and raise a family right away. Julie had other ambitions and hoped to go to college first, major in music, hoping to follow this love of her's into a profession of that type. Bruce didn't understand her commitment to this wish and treated her dream too lightly causing her to turn him down and break off their relationship. At the dinner the tension between the two of them, sitting across the room from each other, was like an electrical storm, but to everyone else she pretended and carried on as if nothing was wrong. After dinner they went over to the Frobisher's home so Fraser Sr and Buck, who hadn't seen each other in a long time, could 'catch up on crime in the Territories' some more they'd been told. Ben and Julie had laughed at that knowing their fathers well, they knew this actually meant they were probably going to trade one fantastical story after another to keep topping each other. The amusing thing about it was most of it was true or just slightly exaggerated to make it a better story. Their fathers were always good naturedly competing with one another and loved to tease each other. Julie had excused herself at one point to go outside. When she hadn't returned in a short time, Ben decided to follow her and make sure she was alright. He found her crying in the barn and was instantly at her side wrapping his arms around her in an embrace to comfort her. "What's wrong Julie?" he soothingly spoke into silky soft golden hair. She turned her tear filled eyes to him and before he realized what was happening he was returning the kiss she initiated. The tear tinged kiss was exhilarating and the mouth which produced such beautiful sounds was amazingly in his. Her tongue exploring and teasing him was matched with the same enthusiasm back. He felt hands at his shirt unbuttoning him and his desire, as her silken fingers pulled the soon forgotten shirt from his body followed quickly thereafter by his undershirt. At first a part of his mind had berated him for not acting in a gentlemanly fashion towards her - felt he was taking advantage of her vulnerable state - but this voice in his head was quickly overruled by the ones of growing lust and desire, especially when he had removed her blouse and bra to caress her breasts - first with his hands, then with his mouth; hearing all the while dulcimer sighs and musical moans escape her. She had taken his hand at some point and pulled him towards a pile of hay, beckoning him with her movements, her eyes, her seductive voice to follow. He was her's to command as she removed the last of her clothing, fully revealing herself to him now. Laying down on the hay she reached out a hand to pull him to her. Her other hand, soon joined by its mate, was undoing his pants, freeing his arousal for her. His mouth was on her's and then he felt himself glide in between her legs. She let out a melodious cry at his penetration and he was afraid at first that he'd hurt her. She read the worry that crossed his flushed face and smiled radiantly at him to reassure and show her pleasure. They then began to move together in a rhythmic harmony unlike any other harmony they had achieved previously with their voices entwined; now they were physically entwined and the joy of it was beyond what he could have ever imagined... Ray was looking at him with an understanding that touched Ben and he was glad he told him about this. He was the only one he'd ever told his indiscretion with Julie to. Ray asked. "Ya didn't finish the story Benny. Why didn't you end up with her? Did you love her? What happened after the roll in the hay? God that's so clich." At the look Fraser gave him for his ending commentary, Ray behaved himself again... for the most part. "Sorry Benny. Don't mind me. I'm just jealous. We haven't tried that yet. Continue." Fraser shook his head and chuckled. "Oh Ray you're incredible." Ray smiled wickedly over at his lover and lifted his eyebrows suggestively. "Yeah, so you've told me before. Stop tryin' to turn me on and out with rest of the story already. God I never thought I'd hear myself say that. Forget I said that. Go back to the turning me on part." After a few minutes of playful teasing, Fraser told him the rest... He'd gone to Julie's house again the next afternoon and found that what had happened between them was not going to repeat itself. When he entered the house he found Bruce was there. He'd felt awkward; he'd thought that Bruce was out of Julie's life from their breaking up a few days earlier. When he saw the ring on her finger, he knew she was lost to him before he could even reconcile how he truly felt about her. His stomach was in knots and he had an ache for her, which he wanted to deny. He felt used, hurt and betrayed, but still found he cared for her. In order to alleviate these feelings, which he didn't want to acknowledge, he relegated their lovemaking from the night before to a temporary 'inner ear imbalance'; and admonished himself for thinking that she could be anything more to him than just someone special, who was like family. She'd asked Bruce to be left alone with Ben for a few minutes. She told him that she cared about him very much, he was still a dear friend to her, but that she had accepted Bruce's second marriage proposal. They'd come to an understanding about her wish to continue with her education and her music. What she didn't tell Ben was she did love him, had always loved him, but was afraid to live the life of being a mountie's wife; after seeing what it had done to her parent's marriage, especially her mother, who had constantly worried for him every time her father left them to track down criminals or go out in the wilderness to rescue someone. Julie couldn't bear the thought of being married to Fraser knowing that the life he led would put him in constant danger; that he could leave her side one day to go to work and never come back. She thought the life Bruce was offering her would be more stable, not life threatening and he was also not one for wanderlust like her father, or Fraser Sr or Ben. She'd married Bruce - to her father's disappointment - and went on to become a professor of music and the mother of Patrick Duncan O'Connor, whom she let her husband believe was his child, but all the while relished the fact that he was the son of her real love Ben. ***************************** He was running scared; sixteen years old and still he thought he knew it all, but what he'd seen and heard tonight his young life still hadn't prepared him for. Paddy blindly burst out of the alley near Fraser's apartment complex and turned left, not even conscious of his having made the decision to run in this direction. It didn't matter any direction would do so long as it was forward and putting the man he felt he didn't deserve as a father far behind him. *What a disappointment I must be? He knows I'm a run away, a liar, a thief, oh god... he thinks I'm a murderer." was the thought that kept running like a litany pounding through his mind in conjunction with the pounding of his heart and his feet. He didn't see the car that he ran right in front of until he bounced off its hood and onto the pavement. The driver, an attractive young man of Latino background about 19 years old, got out of the car and ran towards the unmoving boy on the ground. In a panic he cried out to the other person still calmly seated in the car. "Oh god Joey, I think I killed him." The man called Joey slowly got out of the car and walked over. "I told ya to keep goin' Tony. Now we gotta deal with him." As the short stocky man, who was in his late thirties, got closer he liked what he saw of the handsome young teenager on the ground, despite the bruise that was forming at his temple and the scrapes there and on his hands and knee. "Naw he ain't dead Tony. Just stunned him. Yo kid wake up." He knelt and shook Paddy, who just groaned in response. "Come on Tony, help me get him in the car." Paddy vaguely felt the hands that helped lift and support him from the road and into the car. He just wanted to sleep, but they wouldn't leave him alone, saying he probably had a concussion and that he needed to stay awake. Awake? Was he awake? Wasn't this all just a bad dream he'd be waking from soon? His head hurt and his thoughts were fuzzy, when they asked him his name. What name should he give this time? Not Paddy; no longer Jeremy; another alias came out of his mouth - "Stephen." "Stephen What?" they'd asked him. He giggled half out of it and responded. "No 'What' isn't my last name. Now that's just silly. Its..." Hmm he ran through a list of possible names, discarding quickly the first two to come to mind: King and Wright. "Its Banks." They'd had him talking with them and answering a couple of more 'simple' questions, some of which he answered truthfully others he made up lies to protect himself. They'd taken him to Tony's place, which was upstairs from a exotic nightclub in a sleazy part of Chicago. Joey had left Tony to care for his new charge, wanting nothing more to do with the kid right now in the state he was in. Joey left him with the commanding words. "He's your responsibility Tony. Make sure he's ok before you come see me again. Got it?" Tony nodded and responded. "Sure Joey. I understand. Thanks." Tony had taken care of Stephen/Paddy that night, bandaging him up and giving him a pack of ice for the slight swelling, as well as entertaining the kid by playing cards with him. He was amazed to find out the kid didn't know how to play poker, but then realized the kid must be a cardshark when he started winning the hands more and more as the game progressed. All the while he snuck in questions about Stephen/Paddy's background. Joey was right he realized when he'd gotten back some strange answers... the kid was a run away and really bad at lying. Joey had known alot of runaways, so that he got good at spotting them now. Tony had been a run away once too, 5 years ago. Orphaned and forced to live with an abusive alcoholic grandfather he'd run from him after a terrible beating; that's when Joey had found him and taken care of him. He felt he owed Joey his loyalty ever since for providing him with medical attention, a place to stay, food to eat and a job to pay the bills. A few days had passed in which Tony and Stephen/Paddy had gotten along very well. In this time Tony had learned what an obsessively neat and considerate person the kid was. When he'd gone to work the night after their initial meeting, he'd come back to find his apartment had been straightened up. The next night he'd come back and the place was impeccably scrubbed and polished. The third night he even found a note that told him dinner was in the oven. He'd gotten the dinner, because the kid knew he worked late hours and asked him when and what he ate. Tony told him sometimes he missed meals or grabbed something from a convenience store nearby or leftovers from the nightclub's kitchen when his shift ended. Tony was beginning to really like this kid and was giving careful thought to offering him up to Joey as he promised he would in a couple more days. Tony had talked to Joey a couple of times on the phone during the week and gave him progress reports on his new roommate. He lied a little, after a while, to stall for time for the kid, making it sound like the boy wasn't fully recovered yet, when Tony knew he was. But Joey would catch on to this soon if he kept it up for too long. After a week and a half he admitted that Stephen/Paddy was doing really well and the bruising and scrapes had gone down to being barely even noticeable now. The day came when Tony made the offhand suggestion, which was really a well thought out scheme, that Stephen/Paddy now that he was feeling better should try to get work with him in the club downstairs as a waiter. It was his friend Joey's club and he'd pay him the going rate and whatever tips Stephen/Paddy earned. The idea of working to pay his own way appealed to the naive boy and he trusted his new found friend so that he was willing to try it. The next day they ended up in Joey's office at another club in a better part of town. "So Tony you still have your little friend I see. What's your name again kid?" Stephen/Paddy replied. "Stephen Banks sir. Tony told me that there might be a job opening in the club where he works for you. I'm interested." Joey pretended to look him over carefully. "Well you do realize its an exotic club, of both the female and male kind don't ya? And there is alcohol served and you need to be twenty-one don't ya? Ya don't have a drinkin' or substance abuse problem do ya? Because if ya do you're no good to me. I don't want to have to worry about ya interfering with the running of my business." Stephen/Paddy responded quickly. "No sir. Don't have to worry about me. I'm ok with this arrangement. I need this job." Stephen/Paddy had been slightly surprised by the description of the club, but felt he could handle it, even if he wasn't the recommended age. Besides Tony would be there working with him and he liked his friend, so it couldn't be all that bad. Tony had also told him that there were two of them already under 21 working there now; Tony was one and another guy named Jimmy, who was 17. He'd said to him the other day. "You're 18, 19 right Steve? You could pass for a very young looking 21 maybe?" he'd laughed at that remark. Joey pretended to give in. "Well ya look like a good kid. I'm trusting you won't disappoint me; make me look bad. I'll try you out for a week. You won't get full hours until I think you can handle this job. Deal?" Joey put out a hand to shake and Stephen/Paddy placed his hand in Joey's to clinch it. Joey took out a wad of cash from his pocket. "I'll pay you right up front for a week, so you can see this job is in good faith. You get to keep the money even if it doesn't work out after the week trial run. Tony's one of my best workers, he'll show ya the ropes. Won't ya Tony?" Tony smiled but it came out false, because he knew what the next phases of this 'job training' would entail. "Sure Joey." They'd left the office shortly after that and Joey laughed to hear the innocence of the kid quietly say to Tony. "What ropes do I have to look at Tony? What'd he mean by that?". His customers were gonna like this fresh new talent he could tell already. It had been about a week and a half since Stephen/Paddy had run from Fraser. Joey had seen a mountie two days ago nosing around one of his clubs asking about a kid that looked like Stephen/Paddy. He wouldn't say what the kid had done or what he was running from, just that it was imperative that he find him. Joey chalked it up to just another hardluck run away story, but this kid must have come all the way from Canada. He could kind of hear it in the way the kid talked. No wonder a mountie was looking for him then. Joey figured he'd give up soon and go back north where he came from empty-handed. The week working at the club was an unusual and eye opening experience for Stephen/Paddy. Most of the people who came into the place were the strangest that he'd ever met in his young life and certainly lacking in manners and good behavior. Tony had trained and versed him in the different drinks served and gave him all kinds of advice and tips on how to do the job more efficiently and avoid nasty situations with drunk patrons. Every now and again Tony would disappear for stretches of time, but Stephen/Paddy would be busy and soon not wonder where his friend had gone off to, assuming it was a break or something like that. Tony had seniority here despite his age and perhaps that gave him certain privileges. Tony had been impressed with how quickly the kid picked up things. He was like a sponge when it came to information such as mixology. Rarely would Tony ever have to repeat what was in a certain mixed drink or what the specials for the day were. The kid moved quickly and smoothly through the place, even at its most crowded moments. Tony found himself amused watching the kid. He laughed at the kid's embarrassed reaction to the nude dancer's on the stage, but after a couple of days he seemed to not notice any more. After a week Tony observed the kid had even gotten proficient at gracefully avoiding roving hands with barely a hint that he even noticed. Tony had to laugh the first time Stephen/Paddy said to him. "That big guy with all the rings over there just patted my backside. He's definitely had too much to drink if he could do that. I told him that he must have erred in his judgment and he just laughed." Tony had noticed that 'big guy' was watching Stephen/Paddy quite a bit and found out later he'd also given the kid a very decent tip. Probably gonna be a repeat customer he figured and already had his eye on the kid. The kid already seemed to be doing very well in the tips department, not only for his handsome looks, but he had a polite friendly non- judgmental way about him that was charming. Tony hated his job, not so much the part he was used to now, but the part where he was used to hook others like himself into this sleazy lifestyle he couldn't break free from. The agreed upon time frame had come and gone. Joey had made a special visit to the club one night to check on the kid and after a half hour of watching him, called him over to his table. "Good evening Mr. Mandacini. What can I get for you sir?" Joey liked the way the kid always called him sir, it was a sign of respect and good manners. "Tony's filled me in on how you've been working out for me. Says you're a good hard worker. I've been watchin' ya tonight and I can see he's right. Therefore I think we can safely say you've got the job for as long as you want it kid. Deal?" Stephen/Paddy smiled and put his hand out and they shook on it. "Deal." A few days later, Ray was on his way home from a long shift at the precinct when an emergency call from Elaine was patched through to him. "Ray, is Fraser with you?" Ray answered. "Naw, I'm on my way over to his place now. What's up?" Elaine sounded worried. "A friend of mine's been working undercover on a case involving child prostitution. Sorry to tell you this, but my friend thinks he spotted Fraser's run away at the club tonight. Its a place called the Lightening Rod over on Beechwood." With an expletive uttered beneath his breath, which he made sure Elaine didn't hear, Ray quickly turned the car around to head in the other direction, to get to the club as fast as possible. He responded. "Elaine I'm on my way over there now." Elaine was concerned for him. "Ray that's a pretty scuzzy neighborhood, you want me to get some back up for you?" Ray smiled at her concern. "Can you hold off on the backup for now Elaine. I don't want to spook the kid. And I plan on getting a special kind of backup. I'm gonna call for Fraser. If I can't get hold of him and he checks in for me at the precinct, tell him where I've gone alright?" Elaine gave in to his request. "Sure Ray. Be careful. Let me know when you're on the scene and maybe then you may want that other backup?" Ray hated this part of town. He didn't come down here all that often, because it wasn't an area really covered by his precinct. He didn't want to trample on any of his fellow Chicago PD coworker's toes, but this was important enough to him that if it happened he wouldn't mind taking the heat for it if/'when' Welsh found out. Welsh always managed to find out. He entered the crowded, smoky, loud and sleazy looking club, thinking it was one of the scuzziest he'd ever had the misfortune of going to. He thought he'd seen every club of this type recently when Fraser and he got involved with helping Ida, the exotic dancer who's boyfriend Brad talked about criminal intentions in his sleep. He'd gone to alot of these types of clubs then to track her down. Looking around in this one, he thought it had to be one of the worst, if not 'the' worst he'd ever entered. It put him immediately on guard, on alert and observant of everyone as his eyes roamed over the main room. There were a few private alcoves to either side of the room, that he couldn't see into right away until he did a complete walk through of the place. He'd just about given up his search in here after 15 minutes, when he turned to see the kid brush past him with a tray of drinks for a table on the other side of the room. The kid looked to be very familiar with and in control of what he was doing, which upset Ray. He had an overwhelming urge to rush up to the kid, snatch him by an arm or his ear or his hair - whatever would hurt most - and drag him out of here immediately. But he stood his ground for now, just observing. When he saw someone reach to touch the kid where he shouldn't be touched, Ray almost lost it and started to get up from his seat to go over and break the guy's arm. There was no need to though, as he watched the precise move the kid made which had the customer flabbergasted he could elude him so quickly. Ray wondered how long the kid could keep that up, until someone finally caught him. He didn't want to find out. Unfortunately he knew how sleazeball places like this operated. It disgusted him that these even existed. He walked over to the bar and made himself familiar with the bartender there. Making the right noises and comments until he felt the road had been smoothed out enough and he'd gotten a feel that his perceptions of how this place ran were correct, he said. "That kid over there. Is he available?" The bartender gave him a suggestive knowing look and a sleazy smile. "Why do ya want to know? Ya interested?" Ray matched the smile and responded. "Could be for the right price." The bartender responded. "He's a bit more expensive than the rest. New talent. Virgin merchandise. Ya still interested?" Ray was again disgusted with this whole place and how easy it had been to arrange this peddling of young flesh. He couldn't believe he was here now and that Fraser's kid... *Aw shit, when Benny finds out about this, it'll break his heart. This kid has alot to make up for.*... was working in a place like this. He kept up his charade with the bartender, being introduced to someone else who handled the 'in'-human transactions. Ray was surprised at how much he ended up spending to clinch the deal. But it was worth it if he could get the kid out of here, away from harm and away from going down when the undercover guys raided the place. He'd had to give half the money up front, the rest to be delivered later. He was told which room upstairs to go to and wait. Tony was told about the transaction and he felt his insides shiver at the unwelcome but not unexpected news. The day he dreaded was now here. He'd tried to prepare the kid a couple of days ago with some bits and pieces of how he earned extra cash. He'd been a bit harsh in telling the boy that he couldn't keep him as an unpaying roommate, the expenses were too much for himself, let alone the load he'd taken on with Stephen/Paddy staying with him. He'd played the game as Joey wanted and it hurt to see how he treated the kid after that. He knew what the kid was feeling, he'd been there before a few years ago. Tony knew the right buttons to push, because they were the same ones that were used on him. Joey had shared with Tony some information he'd gotten on the kid from a mountie that had shown up at one of his clubs. It wasn't much, but it was enough to use as leverage against the kid to let Stephen/Paddy know they knew he was wanted by the Canadian mounties. Tony hated what he was about to do and cursed Joey, his benefactor, for making him into someone he despised. "Hey Steve, ya gotta minute?" Stephen/Paddy finished what he was doing at one of the tables and gave him a friendly smile. "Be right there." Tony took him to a secluded alcove and let him know there was a 'customer' inquiring about him. Tony made it sound like this was a good deal, could lead to enough money to start the kid up in an apartment of his own; and played on what he knew already of the things that interested the boy. He'd learned too much about the kid in the two and half weeks they'd roomed together. The friendship they'd developed over that time was now being used against the kid and perverted into something which saddened him. He'd given the kid some advice, explained a few house rules about this aspect of the job, then gave him the room number and time for the meet. "Its up to you... its not so bad after a while." He lied, but it was partially true, after almost 5 years he'd managed to grow numb to that part of his life now. "Tony?", the trusting voice and eyes didn't finish the question, just his name and nothing more, but he knew the kid wanted his reassurance. "Come see me after and we can talk about it, ok? I'll make sure I'm available." He knew he didn't want to talk about what the kid would go through, it would make him relive his first too, but he felt he owed it to him to offer this support. "Sure Tony." *Oh god...* Tony said to himself, realizing with a shiver that the way the kid said 'Sure Tony' was the same way, tone and all, that Tony always responded to Joey. It scared him to realize he'd become to this kid, like Joey was to Tony. How'd that happen? As the kid started to leave him, he grabbed the boy's hand in a reassuring squeeze and at the same time pressed a couple of condoms into the soft young hand, startling the boy. Then he caught his eyes communicating his message loud and clear and verbalized it as well - "Protect yourself." The door opened hesitantly and slowly as the kid entered apprehensively. Seeing the boy for the first time face to face, Ray was amazed at the striking resemblance he definitely had to Ben. Another Ben was just too miraculous for Ray to comprehend, but he reminded himself not to fall for this kid's look, because Paddy'd proven how different he was from his parent already by all the things he'd done so far. Ray wasn't going to forgive and forget so easily. He let his eyes rove over the boy to catalog his features, and at the same time he wanted to make the kid think for a few minutes about what he'd gotten himself into. The hair coloring and style was different and the nose wasn't quite the same; he wasn't as tall or as filled out muscularly as his father... yet; but the shape of the face and mouth was right and the eyes were almost exactly the mirror of Ben's, not just in color, but in the beautiful innocence in them. He was feeling himself getting suckered in, but then caught himself. Ray rose from the bed he was seated on, slowly walking over to the immobile speechless kid, who he was pleased looked the way he should: trembling slightly, naive and unsure how he got there. They hadn't really met formally yet, so Ray had the advantage of knowing who the boy was and figured the kid didn't recognize him, since the only times he'd been over at Fraser's he'd been whispering in the dark to Benny. He put on one of his most charming phony smiles as he walked slowly over to the kid, as he said. "You certainly are a handsome boy." He could see the kid's eyes get wider and visibly gulp as he got closer. Ray again was pleased with the reaction of fear he was sensing from Paddy, thinking to himself. *Good. I want ya to sweat a little.* Then he was within arms reach of the kid, who was trying to back away the short distance towards the wall. Ray lifted his hand towards Paddy and... helped him out... by suddenly and forcefully pushing the kid's chest near the shoulder, so that he'd slam into the wall, as he laid into him with his angry words which also felt as if he physically slammed the kid. "What the fuck do you think you're doin' kid?! Ya know you've got your father and grandfather running themselves ragged tryin' to find ya and you're here in this hell hole the whole time! Man what's wrong with ya?! I know Benny ain't stupid and far as I can tell Buck ain't either, so I don't know where the hell ya got it from!" The frightened shell shocked eyes, that were filling with unshed tears, looking into his own almost made him feel sorry for the kid... almost. But Paddy just angered him more and more when he thought of what he'd put his father through. It was gonna kill Fraser to know what his son had gotten himself messed up in; his being underage working at a sleazy club amongst the scum of the earth, and it turned Ray's stomach to think about the other functions of the kid's job, and prayed he'd gotten here in time that it hadn't gone that far. From Paddy's reactions he was reading that he was his first 'customer' of this type. "Oh god. You're him right? The guy in Fraser's apartment... the cop?" Ray smiled viciously, nodding in response at the kid. "God ain't gonna be able to help you, if you don't get your butt out of this place with me now! We'll have time for introductions later, over tea and biscuits, but now I suggest we get movin'. I think Fraser and Buck aren't too far behind me if I know mounties." The kid was angry at being treated like this, by someone he barely knew. He couldn't stop himself from blurting out, "Who are you to judge me? You and Fraser are gay, so why should this bother you?". As soon as he said this he wished he could take it back, but it was too late. Ray's jaw dropped when he heard his lifestyle choice, which he thought was hidden, spoken of so matter of fact and in the open like this; coming out of the mouth of a child. The boy must have seen them kissing at the apartment he realized. This comment wasn't endearing the kid to him right now, but he managed to respond with just barely controlled ferocity. "Kid you've got alot of growing up to do, if you mistake my love for Fraser with what's going on here. Don't you dare dirty it. And yes THIS DOES BOTHER ME! It *should* bother you too! What if it hadn't been me here now as your first 'customer'? You got lucky, because against my better judgment, I care about what happens to you. It could've been someone else... some sicko or homicidal maniac who could care less about you; give ya AIDs, beat ya, get ya hooked on drugs. In my line of work, I've seen what happens to kids like you, in places like this. It ain't pretty. And don't ya dare say ya can take care of yourself. Because you've already proven to me ya can't." The frightened quivering lip and dejected eyes let him know that he was starting to get through to the kid. A choked out stammer was his response, when Paddy realized now how in the wrong he was. "I'm...I'm sor...sorry." Ray was relentless. "Ya should be! Now we gotta get outta here, before my time's gonna be up." Feeling a little steadier now, his curiosity needed to be sated, in regards to the man he once thought was his father - Bruce. "You mentioned my father's looking for me too?" Ray didn't look like he wanted, or had the time, to talk when they should be moving before his allotted time with the boy was up. "Oh he is... he's stayed up in Canada in case you decided to go back on your own and to work with the authorities on that side of the border. He's been callin' every day from Runamuckluk checking up on us. But I meant Fraser. He knows he's your father now. You've had him worried to death, even before he knew who you were. He's like that. Ya got lucky to have a dad like him. Ya better be worth it kid, because I hate seein' him hurt." He grabbed onto the kids arm hard and started to pull him along with him out of the room. At the end of the hallway near the top of the stairs, they were met by a big burly wall of a man. "Sorry but the merchandise don't leave with ya. Ya only get what ya paid for and no more. Got it? Let the boy go." But Ray was in a foul mood and this place was really getting to him, so that although the man was more than double Ray's size and weight he was ready to fight him. "Kid's comin' with me and I don't think you're gonna stop me." He would have flashed his badge, but he had left it in the car, along with his holster and gun. But he had his small caliber back-up gun in his pocket. He'd moved it from his leg to his pocket while waiting in the room for Paddy. He was trying to pull it out of his pocket now, but the guy yanked his arm roughly, having an idea what he was up to. That's when he caught a flash of Fraser at the bottom of the stairs. "Paddy!" he'd heard Fraser call out to his son as he rushed up the couple of flights of stairs to get to them. Ray fought like a wild man with this bear of a man grappling with him. But he wasn't gaining any ground. Paddy was trying to get by the fighting men to go to his father, but his way kept getting blocked by them. Then Ray somehow had the gun out of his pocket and in his hand ready to use it on his attacker. What happened next was too horrendous. The gun in his hand was being forced to point at Paddy. Ray kept trying to move his arm, despite the pain it was causing him, to not point at the boy who was at close range. In a matter of seconds it came down to the worst decision Fraser would ever have to make. How had that happened? Here he was having to choose who's aid he'd come to - his lover or his son. The loss of either one was unthinkable to him and too painful to even imagine. But there was Ray being overpowered by a man who looked ready to snap him in two and there was the gun that was pointed now at Paddy, with Ray's hand forced to do so. Fraser made his decision and in seconds placed himself between the gun and Paddy, embracing the boy to ensure he was fully protected with his body and to just feel him in his arms again should this be the last time he could do so. The gun went off and he felt the searing heat from the bullet impact with his body, the force of it and his position on the stairs at the time caused him to tumble down the flight of stairs. As he fell, he was conscious of making sure he released his son, so as not to drag him down with him. While falling, he could hear Ray's anguished cry, "BENNY!!! OH GOD NO!!!", paralleled by Paddy's terrified "DAD!!!" Paddy had only fallen down the first few stairs with him and was ok having been cushioned by his father, who he tried to hold on to, but the man wouldn't grab on to him, as he fell the rest of the way down, ending in a crumpled heap at the foot of the landing. Ray now had the force of adrenaline needed, he was filled with enough anger and fear, that the guy he was fighting didn't have a prayer. Ray kept smashing his attacker against the wall and bit his arm hard enough to draw blood. The next thing to happen was the man went out through the glass of the hallway window. Ray didn't even spare him another moment's thought, because he could only think of his lover, shot once again by his hand, crumpled at the bottom of the stairs with a crying Paddy kneeling down next to him. He was down the stairs instantly and placing his hand fearfully against his lover's neck. He breathed a sigh of relief when he felt a pulse, although it was too slow. Pulling out his cellular phone, he called for an ambulance. Ben's eyes opened briefly at the touch of Ray's hand at his neck. He reached out a hand to wipe at the tears on his sons face and then down to hold a frightened sobbing Paddy's hand. "I'm sorry." Paddy said through his tears. Ben tried to smile at his son through his pain and softly squeezed the kid's hand. Speaking between intakes of short breaths. "I know." He then looked over at Ray, who looked as though he wanted to cry, Fraser knew how horrible it was the first time Ray had shot him, for him to have shot him again, caused Fraser to worry about his lover. He wanted to reassure him that he didn't blame Ray for this second gunshot wound, that it was Ben's choice to be shot, but he was having trouble talking now. Ray leaned his ear close to Ben's mouth to catch what he was saying. He just barely gasped out. "Love Ray. Take care Paddy." Ray placed his head next to Fraser's and softly spoke in his ear, yet loud enough for him to hear it. "I'm sorry I shot you again Benny. Oh god I can't believe it. I love you Benny. I wish it were me in your place. Don't worry I'll take care of him as if he were my own. Don't leave me." Ben saw a tear escape Ray, as he followed his words with a soft kiss near his lover's ear. Fraser smiled and his eyes closed as he drifted into darkness. Three days had passed since the events which put Fraser into a coma. It was Christmas Eve day, but to Ray, Paddy and Buck they barely registered it as a holiday, because they didn't have a reason to celebrate. Ray had been true to his word to Fraser and with Buck's help they took care of their depressed charge. Ray had to take Paddy in for questioning in the early morning after the horrific events happened. Welsh had arranged it so they could stay at the hospital until they got their first reports on Fraser's condition and had gotten to see him for themselves. The gun shot wound had only slightly grazed Ben on his shoulder, it hadn't truly entered his body. The part that was bad was the fall he'd taken down the stairs resulted in a head injury, which wouldn't have been as bad, except it was where he had already suffered one before. He'd aggravated the healing that had already taken place there, since that other nightmarish time when Ray and he had been trapped in the wilderness up north together after their plane crashed. Ray was sleeping fully clothed on the other bed in the room, while Paddy sat reading a day old newspaper in a chair near his comatose father. Ray and Paddy had come to a tenuous understanding about each other over the past couple of days. At the precinct after the dreadful incident, Paddy was surprised at how supportive and vehement Ray had been on his behalf, in regards to his having been a suspect in the robbery in Moosejaw. He'd been very protective of him and seemed to be able to out shout or out talk anyone who tried to even hint anything to the contrary of Paddy's innocence. Paddy had caught Louise St Laurent, the States Attorney, trying to flirt with Ray as she entered the interrogation room where he, Ray, Welsh and 2 Canadian representatives were already present. Paddy was amazed at the thought that came to mind at that. *Sorry lady but he's already taken.* She had gotten involved in his case to sort out the tricky legalities of the case from the US perspective. She argued well on Paddy's behalf, dealt with her Canadian counterparts diplomatically and had been doing her homework. She'd had enough evidence and proof to show that Paddy couldn't have been involved in the robbery. His alibi as to where he was at the time of the robbery was airtight; his fingerprints hadn't been on any of the money; the one man that had the right color eyes and build, had had a lisp when he spoke and Paddy had a beautifully clear speaking voice; and the list went on. She had concluded that the only thing the kid was really guilty of was stealing a thief's car and seeing as the truck hadn't been reported stolen, he really shouldn't be held for that. Her Canadian counterparts had agreed with her assessment of Paddy's involvement. This was especially so when his so-called 'theft' of the truck in turn resulted in the capture of one of the thieves and soon after the other. Their whereabouts had been revealed when Paddy repeated what he'd overheard of the one robber's phone conversation in his grandmother's general store. As Paddy continued to read the newspaper, he was surprised that there was barely anything written about the man that Paddy once called a friend in the piece on the child prostitution ring as reported by MacKenzie King. She'd written about this when the operation had been taken down by an undercover team 2 nights earlier. It only gave a brief sentence to reveal that a young man named Tony Riviera had been found beaten to death in one of the rooms that Paddy knew all too well now. Jimmy, the other kid who worked the club, came by earlier that evening to tell him about Tony. Which prompted Tony to find this newspaper. Jimmy had escaped the raids of all of Joey's clubs, because he had run earlier when he'd accidentally seen the man who killed Tony leaving the room where Tony's body had been found. A frightened Jimmy relayed the killer's identity to Paddy, which caused his blood to go cold. It was that repeat customer who always tipped Paddy really well and had his eye on him... the big guy with the rings. It brought his stupidity in thinking he knew how to handle himself into perspective and he realized that he could easily have been the one to be found beaten and murdered instead of Tony. The thought of how close he could have come to this fate caused him to shiver. Paddy had convinced Jimmy to talk with Ray about what he'd seen and Ray had ensured Jimmy was taken care of. Jimmy had also dropped off a Christmas gift Tony had left at the apartment for Paddy. The gift had been a beautiful wallet with a note inside which read: Steve, Merry Christmas. Your friend, Tony Paddy placed the newspaper down, he was having a hard time reading it all the way through. He placed it on the chair which he now vacated so he could step close to his father's side. While he spoke to his father, he removed the old RCMP issue watch from his wrist, and slid it back onto the wrist of the unmoving man on the bed, whom he'd stolen it from. "I don't deserve to keep this and you don't deserve to have a son like me. I bet you wish you never even knew I was alive. I should have stayed as nothing to you. You wouldn't be lying here now, if I'd never tried to find you." That night when he'd taken the watch, so long ago it seemed, he'd done it impulsively; not really thinking why as he grabbed it from the bedsidetable. When he'd realized what he'd done, for a minute he thought he could pawn it, but then for sentimental reasons he found he couldn't part with it. It was all he would have as a memento of his real father and it became too priceless for him to sell after that. But now he felt he had tarnished what it represented... his father's goodness and the law. He didn't deserve to wear it let alone even touch it. Forlorn, dejected and feeling sorry for himself he left the room, not sure where he was headed, but just away from the foreboding fear of losing another parent so soon after the first. These sad thoughts of his clung to and followed him down the hospital corridor, along with everything he'd heard from Jimmy, read in the paper about what he'd gotten himself and his father messed up into, his guilt for his mother's death... the list went on and on in his head for how worthless he was. He wandered the halls, aimless, just like his life he thought to himself. Fraser was in a strange place which was impossibly dark and colorful at the same time. Through the murk of it he could just make out a shimmering form of pure white light and hear his name being called faintly from somewhere and everywhere at once. The light was so inviting and the voice so melodic, he wanted to follow wherever it would lead. "Ben. Ben. Wake up Ben. You can't come with me. Go back. Our son needs you. He's starting to give up on hope... on life. Be there for him. Wake up. He's in the chapel. Go to him Ben. I love you both." He felt bereft when the magnificent voice was gone and all that was left was a dull pain in his head as he roused himself. His eyes snapped open in an instant, startling the man who was by his bedside. Ray was thrilled to see his lover awake again. "Welcome back Benny." He leaned to kiss Ben, but was met by air where his lover had once been. Ben was suddenly upright and moving robotlike and swiftly out of the bed, seemingly unaware of the worried man at his side. "Benny? What's wrong Benny? Where ya goin'?" Ben was focused just on the one thing which the voice had requested he do and nothing else registered, not even the concerned hand on his arm, trying to get him to slow down and turn back. Fraser continued walking with a worried Ray watching him carefully, thinking he was in a sleepwalking trance. Ray had heard it wasn't wise to try to wake a sleepwalker, so he hovered closely behind and let Ben go on his course unimpeded now. He was amazed to see his friend make a very precise, almost military-like turn, as he entered the small hospital chapel. There were a few people in here now, because of the short mass that was being given to recognize the midnight hour which marked the holy day, Christmas, that was to follow. Ray watched as Fraser seemed to be looking for someone, first his head methodically turned to the left, then the right, as he walked slowly along the main aisle towards the altar and the priest who had stopped his sermon to watch the man who had interrupted with his presence. Then suddenly Ben did a curious thing, he began to sing. At first he seemed to have trouble remembering the words, but as the confidence in his memory grew stronger, so did his voice. The song was familiar to Ray it was a Christmas carol called "What Child Is This?". After a short time, he could swear he heard underneath Ben's voice an echo; another voice was tentatively trying to join his... quiet at first, with a slight tremble in it, but then it grew in volume and richness, until it flowed into an achingly beautiful harmony with Ben. Then there was Paddy coming out from the shadows in the back of the chapel, each step increasing in speed until he was at his father's side. Ben turned his head, as the last of the song left his mouth, and his hand went to his son's tear slicked chin to turn his face to look into his own. Then he placed a gentle kiss on the boy's cheek and embraced him. "Don't be afraid. You're not alone any more. Stop running. I'm here." WHAT CHILD IS THIS? a Christmas carol What child is this, who, laid to rest, On Mary's lap is sleeping? Whom angels greet with anthems sweet, While shepherds watch are keeping? This, this is Christ the King, Whom shepherds guard and angels sing: Haste, haste to bring him laud, The babe, the son of Mary. Why lies he in such mean estate Where ox and ass are feeding? Good Christian, fear: for sinners here The silent Word is pleading. Nails, spear shall pierce Him through, The Cross be borne for me, for you; Hail, hail, the Word made flesh, The Babe, the Son of Mary. So bring him incense, gold, and myrrh, Come, peasant, king, to own him. the King of kings salvation brings, Let loving hearts enthrone him. Raise, raise the song on high, The Virgin sing her lullaby: Joy, joy, for Christ is born, The Babe, the Son of Mary. THE END? WELL NOT QUITE YET... EPILOGUE 1: WHAT CHILD DID THIS? "Son what time is it?" "Why should you care dad? You're dead. Is there some pressing appointment in the afterlife you're late for? Don't let me keep you." "Well if you didn't know what time it was, you could have just said so. Where's that watch of mine you're holding for me?" "Its with its rightful owner now dad. Its with Paddy... my son." "What? Oh dear merciful heaven you could warn a body when you're gonna say something like that." "Dad you don't have a body any more." "Well that's no excuse to discriminate against me. Besides I'm too young to have a grandchild, especially one his age. Frobisher yes. Me no. Buck was always old for as long as I can remember." "I heard that Fraser." "Hey Buck who invited you into this conversation? Can't you see I'm having an important discussion with my son?" "Well in a sense he's like my son too Bob." "Oh I never thought I'd live to see this day. Don't tell me this means I'm related to your mangy hide now." "You didn't live to see it Bob. You keep forgetting you're dead. I hope you don't think I like being related to you either. I know too much about you, you old buzzard." "Oh now I know." "Know what Bob?" "Feeding the horses. Oh brother. I fell for that old line? Should have known something was up from all that hay he tracked into my car." Fraser Jr was blushing slightly and shaking his head as he listened to them go on, but couldn't help smiling at these two senior officers - two men he respected highly - one who was his father and the other who also treated him like one. He could tell from knowing them both all his life and their tone of good natured bickering, that they really did enjoy the fact that through Paddy they were even though not related through a marriage, they were now through blood. He looked over still smiling, as he watched his own son Paddy with an appreciative Diefenbaker, who was being spoiled with pets and scratches behind his ears, in the other room. Paddy had been looking over every now and again, giving himself and Buck a strange expression like he was afraid insanity ran on both sides of the family. He laughed to himself as he walked over to his son and placed his arm around his shoulders to lead him out of the room, through the door and downstairs to wait for Ray to come pick them up for dinner. A strange morbid thought crossed his mind as he voiced a vague part of it out loud. "Don't worry, some day you'll understand what that was all about." He didn't finish, because he didn't want to scare his son with his own mortality or the thought that he would undoubtedly appear to Paddy as a ghost some day. It was a family disorder he was hoping to inherit. THE END OR IS IT? EPILOGUE 2: MY CHILD DID THIS "Ok, so there's this rabbi, this priest and a mountie..." Fraser turned around suddenly at his lover's voice about to relay an off-color joke. His eyes went wide when he realized who Ray was telling it to. Ben immediately made a bee-line for his errant friend thinking to himself, *I knew I shouldn't have left him on his own for so long.* He hadn't really left him for all that long. Five minutes was all it took for Ray to find the highest ranked RCMP officer in the room and strike up a conversation. "Then the mountie says..." Fraser picked that perfect moment to butt in, causing both the RCMP officer and Ray to smirk. "Excuse me sir. Ray I need to speak with you regarding the case we're working on." Ray laughed inwardly seeing his friend's quite comical distress. He knew Fraser was uncomfortable with official functions and followed a strict discipline of etiquette when faced with them, unlike Ray. He knew Fraser was easily embarrassed so he let Ben off the hook. "Sorry George I'll have to finish this some other time. Duty calls... you understand." The RCMP officer gave him a knowing smile. "Sure Ray. I'll speak with you later. I do want to know how this ends. My friends at my luncheon tomorrow may benefit from it. And I can tell you the one about the Prime Minister, the Pope and the cop." Ray's curiosity was piqued at that, but he felt Fraser's insistent hand on his arm, trying to lead him away. Fraser curtly nodded at his commanding officer. "Sorry sir. Excuse us." Behind Fraser's back Ray signaled with his hand and mouthed. "Later." When they'd gone to a private section of the room away from the other guests, Ray quietly spoke jokingly, knowing already what the problem was. "Yes oh light of my life? What's so urgent?" Fraser to anyone who looked over at them would seem to be calm, but to Ray who had learned the signs through years of intimacy, knew his friend was quite agitated. "Ray I just turned my back on you for a couple of minutes and already you're into trouble. Do you know who that was?" Ray teased his nervous lover. "Of course I do. My mother taught me some manners. We introduced ourselves first Benny. Ya know George is a pretty good guy for a bureaucratic mountie.", he teased. "Besides ya should know after all these year's together, trouble's my middle name. At least I haven't kissed ya or touched ya in front of your colleague's... yet. And believe me I've wanted to since we first got here." Fraser was turning the color of his uniform, looking around to make sure no one heard what his friend just confessed. "Ray, you wouldn't?" Ray smiled devilishly for a few seconds, then grew serious as he looked sincerely into those melting blue eyes that gazed into his so anxiously. "Don't worry. I promise I'll behave. I know how important this day is to you. But when we're back at the hotel tonight, don't expect me to stick to it." He smiled suggestively at his lover, knowing well after so much time together, that Ben was thinking along the same lines as he was now. Fraser just smiled back at him, shaking his head in resignation. "Thanks alot Ray. I'm enjoying the thoughts, but they really don't fit in with the atmosphere here." Ray touched his arm briefly, concern etched in his face now. "Benny relax. I'm sorry. Its ok. Everything's going well. Besides I think its time now. Come on lets go see the show." The 'show' Ray referred to was the reason they were visiting Canada in the first place. It was the induction ceremony of new RCMP officers, with Patrick 'Paddy' O'Connor chief among them. He'd been top of his class, which didn't surprise Ray at all, knowing who his father and grandfathers were... all three top grade RCMP officers. It seemed only natural to Ray that the son of the man he loved would rise to so high an honor already in his young life. Paddy looked very handsome and comfortable in the serge uniform his father and grandfathers had worn with pride before him. Looking to the other side of Fraser, he saw Buck and Bruce actually being friendly with and sitting next to each other, both looking quite proud. But the immense pride, joy and love he saw in his lover's face as he watched his son made Ray smile. For this moment Ray felt the kid was definitely worth the trouble he'd caused a number of years earlier. In the time since then Paddy had come to be special to Ray as well as he'd gotten to know the boy, who was now a man. Their initial meeting long ago had been pretty rocky, but gradually they came to understand and really like each other. When they had finally cleared up the mess Paddy had gotten himself tangled up in, Bruce had come down from Canada to see them. He'd had a reunion and reconciliation with his son that was awkward at first, but it was apparent that Bruce had loved the boy even though he wasn't his own flesh and blood. It then came to a meeting between Bruce and Fraser that Ray wasn't privy to. They'd spoken at length about Paddy's immediate future. Ray remembered being surprised at the outcome of their talk. Fraser had asked Paddy to stay with him in Chicago if he wanted to. Bruce being an engineer for an oil company had been offered the job of his dreams in Saudi Arabia slightly before Paddy had come to live with him, around the time of his mother's tragic death. He'd turned the offer down due to his traumatized teenaged son coming full time into his life then. Before leaving Canada to reclaim his son, he'd heard the position he'd wanted hadn't been filled yet. Bruce was still interested, but was willing to leave it behind again to take care of his son. When Fraser had learned of this and with his desire to get to know Paddy better, he'd asked if he could keep the boy with him in Chicago. Bruce was really a decent man and didn't feel right about giving up the boy he'd called his son for sixteen years. Fraser convinced him it wasn't giving up Paddy, but sharing their son and this solution would benefit them all. When Ben had asked Paddy to stay with him in the US, the kid seemed apprehensive at first, not wanting to pit one father against the other. After having a heart to heart talk with Bruce, he decided to stay with Fraser, because he too wanted to get to know his biological father better. Fraser had requested Thatcher's help in acquiring a special VISA for Paddy to stay with him in the US. Surprisingly she'd been very understanding and helpful in that regard when she found out the nature of his relationship to Paddy. Paddy had been enrolled in one of the public high schools and quickly caught up to his fellow classmates. In the beginning it had been quite an adjustment for Ray as to where he stood in this new situation that had developed in his relationship to Fraser. He recalled, ashamed now that he thought back on it, that for a little while he'd been very jealous of the attention and time that Fraser spent with Paddy instead of him. Ray had been spoiled by how much time and privacy they had together before and missed that luxury. Ray had liked being the center of Fraser's attention and affection and didn't like sharing, especially with a kid who at that time still had alot to make up for in Ray's mind. Somehow Fraser had managed to reassure him that he was still as important and loved by him even though he now had someone else in his life now. Paddy having known about Ray and Fraser's relationship had actually been very understanding about it, which helped in endearing the kid to Ray over time. Paddy'd gone out of his way on a number of occasions to ensure they had their privacy, which both Ray and Fraser appreciated. When Ray had realized that the kid really was alot like his father in his manner and treatment of others, that had also helped in his growing to care about Paddy as well. After almost 2 years of Paddy living with Fraser, he'd announced his desire to return to Canada after graduating from high school, in order to join the RCMP in the fall of that year. Today marked the end result of that decision, as the newly inducted mountie made his way over to his family after being released from his ceremonial duties. His grandfather stopped to greet him first. He teased. "You might want to fix that lanyard of your's kid." Paddy quickly checked and looked worried that he'd been seen not looking anything but picture book perfect in his uniform during the ceremony. "Oh dear." Then his grandfather laughed. "Caught ya! I've been waiting a long time to say that to you. Congratulations kid, you're in good company. I know you'll do that uniform proud." He smiled at his grandfather, who was looking pretty good these days and heaven help any criminals that crossed his path, Paddy laughed to himself. "Thank you grandpa. I mean sir." The next to get his attention was a very tan Bruce. "Hi Paddy. Its been a while. I've missed you. So is it too late to get you interested in engineering?" They laughed. "Hi dad. I've missed you too. Thanks for all the letters. Looks like life abroad has been good to you." "Can't complain. Except for the heat. I can't seem to live anywhere that doesn't have extreme temperatures. When you have some time off come over and visit again." Bruce smiled and clapped him on the back and shook his hand. "Congratulations son, I'm proud of you." Paddy was happy at his father's acceptance of his career choice. "Thanks dad." As he stepped away from his father he moved to Ray's side. "Am I interrupting?" Ray who was now flanked by two mounties, Fraser on his left and Paddy on his right, immediately pulled out his sunglasses and put them on as he teased. "Do you mind? There's only so much of that color red my poor eyes can take." Paddy and Fraser laughed at the good natured teasing. "Kid you did great. Welcome to the wonderful world of law enforcement. Anything you need or help required, you know who to call..." "You?" Ray smiled and pointed over at Ben. "No daddy dearest. I'm just here for the buffet." With that he started to leave for the aforementioned food table. But not before he shook the kid's hand and whispered in his ear. "Ya turned out pretty good kid. Don't be a stranger. Oh and you have my permission to tease your sap of a father mercilessly. I caught him misty eyed during the ceremony." with this said he placed a quick light kiss on his cheek, that wasn't noticeable to anyone but themselves and Fraser. He made a well timed exit, so father and son could talk privately. Paddy was laughing at what Ray had told him. "Ray certainly is unique dad. I like him." "I'm glad. So do I." Fraser brushed at imaginary nothings on his son's uniform, mostly just to touch him and know that he was real and this was not a dream. He avoided his eyes for a few seconds than looked deeply into those of his son and saw so much there... excitement, happiness, anticipation and youthful lust for adventure... Alot of what he felt when he'd first been inducted, so many years ago. "So do you have your first assignment yet?" Paddy smiled. "Yes. I'm temporarily stationed in Moosejaw for 3 months." Fraser cringed inside at the mention of the town he'd been stationed in for a short time. Remembering Gerard's words about Fraser's reputation of thinking it was too urban for his liking. "Well its no Chicago, but I'm sure you'll do fine there." Paddy grabbed and squeezed softly at one of his father's hands as it went to straighten something on his uniform that didn't need straightening. "Dad I'll be ok." Fraser smiled over at him bittersweetly. "I know. But I can still worry about you. You're my only son after all. I just want you to be healthy, happy and safe." "I am and I will be. I had good teachers, you for one. Besides I'm old enough to take care of myself now." Fraser sadly conceded. "Yes, I suppose you are." Fraser reached over to grab a box from a table next to them. "This is for you. They've helped me in the past, they may do the same for you." Paddy untied the ribbon on the box, peering inside he saw some very old journals. He knew what they were without looking further at the treasure his father had just given him. "Dad I can't take these. These are all you have left of grandpa Fraser." Ben pointed to his head. "I have them up here now... and... well... your grandfather still visits from time to time. By the way he enjoyed the ceremony and said to give you his congratulations as well. He likes the idea of having another generation of the family in the RCMP." Paddy laughed at what he believed to be his father's subconscious fantasy of seeing his father's ghost. Flipping through the box of journals he realized his father had given him some of his own journals as well. His father was sharing more of himself than Paddy could have ever hoped for. At the very bottom of the box there was one wrapped gift. He opened it carefully as his smiling father watched on. It was an empty journal, well not completely empty, the first page was marked with today's date and a handwritten note: "My dearest Patrick, I'm so very proud to have you as a son. Remember that no matter where you are, you'll always have a piece of me with you. Love, your father Benton Fraser" "Oh dad... Ray's right... You are a sap. I love it. Thank- you kindly. What's the RCMP etiquette about fellow mounties hugging each other?" Ben laughed. "I don't know and I don't care." at that he gathered his son into his arms in a tight affectionate embrace. "I'm so proud of you. I love you Paddy." Fraser turned his head suddenly at the laughter that was coming from the middle of the room. He knew one of those laughs all too well. He winced inwardly, realizing that Ray must have finished that earlier off-color joke for the highest ranked officer in the RCMP. They must have met up with one another again while Ben had been distracted with Paddy. Fraser laughed inwardly, no longer nervous or worried, hearing 'George' start up now. "Ok, so the Prime Minister, the Pope and a cop go into this bar..." THE END. I THINK? WELL AT LEAST FOR NOW... Return to the Due South Fiction Archive