Rated NC17	  Rated NC17  

These characters legally belong to Alliance; and I make no claim to them
by this story. No copyright infringement intended and no profit will be
made from this story.  

One more thing: Thank you, Dr. Silvina	WHEN IT RAINS  

Ray sighed and glanced over at the window as the wind changed direction,
spattering the rain against the glass. It had been dark and gloomy the
last five days, and raining for most of that time.  

Worst of all, he had not seen Benny for a week, as their schedules had
conflicted. Ray had been working a case that required all-night stakeouts
at the docks- what a nightmare that been! And Benny was working 14 to 16
hour days in advance of the visit of some big wig English diplomat;
busting his ass so that the Dragon Lady would look good.  

But that was going to change tonight, Ray smiled to himself. He was over
at Benny's apartment, cooking dinner for the two of them, and they were
going to spend the entire evening together.  

Ben had promised Ray that he would actually leave work on time for once,
and Ray knew that he would not break that promise.  

  

Sure enough, at 6:08 the door opened and Ben entered, proceeded by a very
excited- and very damp- Diefenbaker.  

"Benny!" Ray smiled in happiness as his lover entered the kitchen.  

"Hello, Ray." Ben smiled back at him, dropping his hat on the table.  

Ray gave Ben a deep kiss, wrapping his arms around Ben's waist. Benny
returned the embrace, leaning into Ray and resting his head on Ray's
shoulder.  

"Benny," Ray said, pulling away from him, "it's pouring outside and you're
barely damp. How do you manage that?"  

"Well, Ray, I was wearing my Stetson."	

Ray raised his eyebrows. "Really? So, is Stetson an Inuit word meaning
'hat of magical powers'?"  

"Not to my knowledge."	

Ray laughed softly. "God, I missed you this week."  

"I missed you, too." Ben said, giving Ray another kiss. "Can I help you
with dinner?"  

"Sure. You can make the salad."  

"All right."  

As the two men worked on dinner, Ray noticed that Benny was being quiet,
even for him. He watched Benny and noticed that he was moving slowly and
somewhat gingerly. "Are you okay Benny?" He asked.  

"Yes, Ray. I'm fine."  

"You sure?"  

"Yes, I'm just a little tired, that's all."  

Ray looked more closely at his lover, really noticing for the first time
how pale he was, and the dark circles under his eyes. "You look tired,
Benny. You're not sick, are you?"  

"No, Ray. I just had trouble sleeping last night, that's all."	

"That's not like you, Benny." Ray frowned.  

Ben didn't answer, he just continued chopping the vegetables.  

  

Ray kept glancing over at Ben while they worked, trying to watch him
without being obvious about it.  

Ben opened the cupboard door and reached up for the salad bowl, then
suddenly winced and rubbed his back.  

"Your back hurts, Benny?" Ray asked.  

"Yes." Ben answered quietly, not looking at him.  

"What happened? Did you strain it or-" Ray broke off abruptly as it hit
him. "Oh my God," he whispered, "it's the bullet, isn't' it? The bullet is
bothering you."  

"Yes, Ray."  

Ray turned away and walked into the living room; and Ben followed after
him. "Ray?"  

Ray kept his back to Benny, unable to face him. "God, Benny. I'm so
sorry."  

"Ray, it's all right."	

Ray turned to face him. "How can you say that, Benny?"	

"I mean, it doesn't hurt that much."  

"It hurts enough that it kept you awake last night."  

Ben shrugged and looked away, and sat down on the couch.  

Slowly, Ray crossed the room and sat down next to him. "Honestly, Benny,
how bad is it?"  

"Ray. Honestly it's not that bad at all. It's just a dull ache most of the
time."	

"A dull ache doesn't make you gasp and go pale, Benny."  

"Sometimes it does give a twinge, Ray." Ben admitted.  

Ray took a shaky breath. "Do you still have any of the pain pills the
doctor gave you, Benny?"  

"No, Ray. That was over two years ago."  

"And you never got the prescription refilled, did you?"  

Ben just shook his head.  

"Well, do you think some aspirin would help it feel better?"  

Ben was about to say no, but then he got a look at his lover's face, so
miserable and full of guilt. "Yes, Ray. I'm sure it would."  

"Okay, I'll be right back." Ray hurried into the kitchen and returned with
a glass of water and two aspirin.  

Ben took the pills, then smiled at Ray. "Thank you."  

"Is it like this all the time, Benny?" Ray asked.  

"No, Ray." Ben hastened to reassure his lover. "It usually only happens
when it's raining, or if I'm overly tired."  

Ray sighed. "And it's been raining for the past week, and you've been
working fourteen hour days."  

Ben shrugged and gave him a small smile.  

"God, Benny. I'm so sorry."  

Ben looked puzzled. "For what, Ray?"  

"For what?! It's my fault that this is happening to you!"  

"No it's not, Ray."  

"For God's sake, Benny! I'm the one that shot you! That bullet is in your
back because of me!"  

"It's not your fault you shot me, Ray. It's mine."  

"Benny..." Ray's eyes looked haunted.  

"I mean it, Ray. If I hadn't been running for that train, running out on
you, I would never have been shot."  

"It was an accident, Benny." Ray said hoarsely. "I didn't mean to hit
you."  

"I know that, Ray. But even if you had shot me on purpose, I still
wouldn't blame you."  

Ray jumped up from the sofa and started pacing. "Benny, stop it! You
almost died, do you get that? You almost died because I shot you. It was
forty-three hours before the doctors told me for sure that you were going
to live. Forty-three hours! Not that you would remember that, because you
were unconscious the whole time."  

Ben was off the sofa and across the room, drawing Ray into his arms. "I'm
sorry, Ray. I'm sorry." He whispered. He could feel Ray shaking and he
tightened his arms around him, rocking him gently.  

"I know you didn't shoot me on purpose, Ray. I know that. I know that it
was an accident."  

They stood silently for awhile as Ray's trembling gradually lessened and
stopped. Ben pulled away and smiled at him, then gave him a gentle kiss.  

"God, Benny. I don't know how you can even stand to look at me sometimes."
 

Ben smiled bitterly. "I wonder the same thing about you."  

"What do you mean, Benny?"  

"You know what I mean. I acted so horribly during that time. You were
closer to me than anyone ever had been in my life. You were the best, most
loyal friend I had ever had; and I treated you so poorly. The way I acted
while Victoria was here was bad enough, but the way I acted after that is
unforgivable."	

"I do forgive you, Benny."  

Ben smiled at Ray and gently touched his face. "I don't know how you can,
Ray. I treated you so horribly the first weeks I was in the hospital.  

"At first it was because I was being completely selfish and feeling sorry
for myself. I thought that Victoria was my one chance for love. I knew our
love was warped, and even wrong, but I didn't care. I saw her as my one
chance at love, and she was gone, and I wrongly blamed you.  

"But after a week or so had passed, I began to truly realize what I had
done. What I had done to you, what you nearly lost because of me. And I
was horrified.	

"And then I was afraid that sooner or later, you would come to feel the
same way, and cast me out of your life. But you showed no signs of doing
that, Ray. On the contrary, you showed every sign that you had forgiven
me, that you even understood what I had done and why I had done it.  

"And that was even worse. I felt so incredibly unworthy. I was so afraid
that if you stayed around, I would only hurt you again. I never wanted
that to happen; so I decided to make the decision for you, to push you
away. But it didn't work."  

Ben gave a humorless little laugh. "No matter how badly I treated you, how
much of a bastard I was, you kept coming around.  

"That was amazing to me. I began to realize that maybe that's what real
love is about- understanding and forgiveness, and hanging on through the
tough times. I think that's when I first started to fall in love with
you."  

Ray smiled, pleased. "Really?"	

"Yes, really. But I fought it. You know how long and how hard I fought
it."  

"Yes, Benny. Believe me, I know."  

"I wanted to love you, Ray. I wanted it more than anything. But I knew
what being in love does to me. What I let it do to me, and I was scared to
death of it.  

"I never wanted to be hurt like that again. And more than that, I never
wanted to hurt you like that."	

"Benny, I know you're afraid of your emotions, afraid to really let go.
That's why you still hold back with me, even after all this time."  

Ben looked at his lover, his face full of misery. "I'm sorry, Ray. I don't
want to."  

"I know, baby."  

"It's not you I don't trust, Ray."  

Ray tried to answer, but the lump in his throat wouldn't let him. He drew
Benny into another tight embrace, and this time Ben was the one who was
shaking. Ray had never hated Victoria more than he did at that moment.	

Eventually, Ray felt able to speak again. "It's all right, Benny. The way
I see it, we've got forty or fifty years to work on it."  

Ben drew back and looked at him, and Ray gave him a teasing, loving grin. 


Ben still looked very troubled. "Ray, what if..."  

"Ssh." Ray interrupted, giving Ben a kiss. The kiss quickly deepened,
turning hungry and passionate and almost desperate.  

Suddenly the two men were stumbling to the bed, frantically shedding
clothes as they went. The last few items of clothing were dropped by the
side of the bed, and Ray fell onto the mattress, pulling Benny down on top
of him.  

The two men continued kissing, tongues tasting and teasing, hands
stroking, caressing and exploring.  

Ray worked his hands slowly over Ben's hips and up his side, then eased
his hands between their bodies to play lightly over Ben's chest. He gently
pushed Benny up until Ben was kneeling above him.  

Ben looked down at him in puzzlement, and Ray smiled up at him and
swallowed. "Love me, Benny."  

Ray lifted his legs and draped them over Ben's shoulders. "Love me.
Please, Benny, let yourself love me."  

Ben continued looking at Ray, his breathing suddenly very uneven.
Wordlessly, he reached over and opened the drawer of the nightstand,
pulling out the tube of lubrication.  

He tried to remove the cap, but his hands were shaking too badly. Ray took
the tube from him and twisted off the lid. Ray squeezed the gel onto his
fingers and began rubbing it over Ben's cock.  

"I love you Benny." He whispered. "And I will never take the love you feel
for me and turn it against you. I love you, Benny. Please love me."  

Ben made a noise somewhere between a sob and a moan, and he reached down
and knocked the tube out of Ray's hand. He shifted his position slightly,
ready to enter his lover, then paused and looked down at Ray.  

Ray gave him a loving, confident smile. "Please Benny." He whispered.  

Ben plunged into his lover, and began a series of hard, driving thrusts.
Ray reached up and firmly cupped Ben's buttocks. Ben closed his eyes and
threw his head back and continued with his fierce rhythm.  

"Benny!" Ray cried, and Ben faltered for a moment.  

"Yes, Benny! Oh, yes!"	

Ben continued his pace even more urgent than before. Ray gave a loud,
wordless cry, and Ben felt the warmth of his lover's seed hit his stomach.
 

He gasped sharply, and after a few seconds, his own orgasm tore through
him with a force he had never known before.  

 

For awhile there was nothing, and then sensations began to reach him
through the white haze. Ray's voice, speaking to him in a low, loving
murmur. Ray's hands, rubbing soothingly up and down his back, and stroking
the hair back from his forehead.  

With an effort, Ben opened his eyes and looked up at Ray. Ray smiled at
him, his hazel green eyes sparkling. "Wow, Benny. Thank you kindly."  

Ben laughed weakly. "My pleasure, Ray."  

The two men lay holding each other in a comfortable drowsy silence, until
the ringing of a bell broke the quiet. Ben started and looked at his alarm
clock in confusion.  

Ray swore and laughed. "It's the timer on the oven!" He gave Ben a kiss on
the forehead. "Stay here, I'll be right back."	

Ray got out of bed and went into the kitchen. He pulled the casserole from
the oven and placed it on a hot pad on the counter. Turning off the oven,
he walked back over to the bed.  

Ben was sitting up, the blankets pooled around his waist. "Lay back down,
Benny." Ray ordered.  

"But dinner..." Ray gave Ben a gentle shove, and Ben toppled down onto the
bed.  

"We can heat it back up later, after we wake up." Ray lay down next to
Ben.  

"Oh, okay." Ben wrapped his arms around Ray's waist and placed his head on
Ray's chest, and quickly fell into the first peaceful sleep he'd had in
almost a week.	THE END  

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