The Rightness Of It	 

Rated R for m/m situation and sex. Also, there's a minor Biblical
discussion in one scene. 

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, I'm just playing with them.
Well, they seem to be enjoying themselves... I won't make any profit from
this story, and suing me would be useless... blah blah... rand/dollar
exchange rate (yes, I am annoyed about it... but so would you be if
everything you wanted to buy from the States cost a fortune...) 

This story is dedicated to Wendy Tillis, who wanted a slash story where
the participants admitted they were gay. Well, Wendy, I finally finished
it. Hope it meets with your approval. :) 

 THE RIGHTNESS OF IT 

By T'Mar 

Ray Vecchio sat at his desk in the precinct, trying to concentrate on the
case in front of him. But it was impossible - he was thinking about
another case... not even a case, really. Just something that had been on
the news. He knew that probably the entire precinct - maybe even all of
Chicago - was thinking about this. Why were other people's sex lives so
fascinating? Why, when a celebrity as famous as this one decided to 'come
out of the closet', did everyone start talking about it? Perhaps because
this celebrity had had one of those famous marriages, the ones that seemed
to be able to last despite the ravages of Hollywood? 

Ray tried to force himself to concentrate on the case, but he realised he
had been reading the same page for the last fifteen minutes and still had
no idea what it said. And then he realised that Elaine was standing at his
desk, and had been for some time. "Yeah, Elaine?" 

"Do you know it's after quitting time?" she asked gently. 

"What?!" Ray got up from the desk so fast that he had to grab his chair to
prevent it crashing to the floor. "Why didn't you say something? I have to
pick Benny up from the Consulate!" 

"I know," said Elaine quietly, and walked away. 

Ray stared after her. That wasn't usual behaviour from Elaine at all. He
purposefully walked towards her desk. "Elaine? You okay?" 

"Sure." 

"No, you're not." Ray managed a warm smile. "Tell Uncle Ray what's wrong."


"Since that story... you know... broke, you've been staring into space
like that." No one, it seemed, could bring themselves to mention the
celebrity's name, or even the gist of the story. 

"And you're worried about me?" 

Elaine didn't want to say what she'd been thinking; heck, she didn't want
to think what she'd been thinking... "I...." Elaine's throat closed up on
her. Ray really had no idea, so maybe she was wrong. "I know you and
Fraser are close, and I thought..." She turned away, unable to finish. 

Ray was startled. "WHAT?!" He pulled Elaine around to face him. "You
think... I mean, you thought..." 

"I don't know, I... This news story seemed to affect you a lot. You kept
saying you couldn't believe it, and then you just stared into space.
Everyone else gossipped and rushed off to hire that guy's movies." 

"I'm just having a bad day, Elaine, that's all." Ray couldn't even bring
himself to deny anything... Because then he'd have to say the words, and
he refused to. He wouldn't mention himself, Benny, and *that* word in the
same sentence. Not even in the same, er, paragraph. "I'll see ya," he
quickly said, and headed out to pick Benny up. He was only about ten
minutes late; he hoped Benny would still be there. 

Benny was. Fraser was waiting out in front of the Consulate with
Diefenbaker. Ray just stared at Benny as he got in the car. Whatever would
give Elaine such an idea? "Ray?" 

"Huh?" 

"Why are you staring at me?" Fraser's voice was perfectly guileless. 

"Oh, was I? Sorry, Fraser. Long day." He pulled out into traffic. 

"Ray..." Fraser began once they were truly on their way. 

"Yeah?" 

"Who's....?" And he mentioned the celebrity's name. Ray hit the brakes on
his car so hard that it left skid marks. Luckily there hadn't been a car
behind them. 

"Ray, are you all right? Perhaps I should drive. You seem... what's the
expression, 'out of it' today." 

Ray couldn't even argue. He had no idea what was wrong with him, he just
knew he went to pieces every time he thought about that... celebrity.
"Yeah, okay." And he got out and walked around the car. 

Fraser, looking concerned, got in the driver's seat and started off again.
"You didn't answer my question," he said conversationally. 

Ray wanted to make him repeat it, but that would just be postponing the
inevitable. "Don't you watch movies, Fraser?" As he said that, Ray knew it
was a stupid question. Fraser didn't watch movies... Well, not too often,
anyway. 

And right enough, Fraser replied, "Well, no, actually." 

"He's a real big star, Benny. Had that idyllic kinda life, you know? The
wife, the kids, the big house, the million dollar paychecks. And then he
suddenly announces to the world that it's all a lie, that he's..." He bit
down, not wanting to say it. 

"You can say it, Ray." 

"Gay, all right?!" 

"And this upsets you?" Fraser tried to figure out why. It wasn't as if
this guy was Ray's favourite actor or anything; he wasn't. Ray's favourite
actor was some guy who broke a lot of limbs in his movies... Steven
somebody. 

Ray sighed, glad he wasn't driving. "I dunno, Benny. Since I heard... I
can't seem to think straight." 

"And you don't know why?" 

"No! I..." Ray turned to Fraser instead of looking out the window as he
had been doing. "He had a wife, Benny. Kids. Everything. And how... how
could he not know... He said that, you know. He didn't know, until... Oh,
G-d." This was a mess, Ray knew. But the more he said, the closer he got
to figuring it out, so he kept on. "He didn't know until... he... met the
right person. He said he was just biding time with his wife. I feel so
sorry for her, Benny." 

"But you don't even know these people, Ray." 

"I know, I know... Look, can we quit talking about this?" 

"All right." 

They drove to Fraser's place in silence. When he relinquished the driver's
seat to Ray, Fraser asked, "Can you drive home by yourself?" 

"I'm not a basket case, Benny. At least, not yet. I'll be fine." 

And then Fraser smiled at the quip, and as he looked into that open,
trusting face Ray knew the why of it all. The truth was there, in his
heart. He started the car again and drove off without even saying goodbye.


*** 

Ray sat curled up on the floor of the shower, trying to sort things out.
So sudden. It had been so sudden. Just one celebrity with an urge to
confess all, and his life was upside-down. 'Thanks a lot,' Ray thought at
the guy. 'I hate your movies anyway.' 

He had never once thought that the things he was feeling could be... could
be... 'Just go ahead and think it, Vecchio. It's the truth and you know
it.' He'd never once thought, not once, that the things he felt on
occasion meant that he... liked guys. Never. There had been Irene Zuko and
Annie McRae in high school, and Angie... Louise St.Laurent... And a lot of
other women whose names he'd forgotten. He had put away any other feelings
he'd had, he knew that now. All of a sudden, all these years later, one
celebrity with an urge to tell the world, and his whole sexual identity
was crashing down around him. "Oh, G-d, why?" 

But the why was obvious. He, like Mister Famous Celebrity Movie Actor, had
met the right person. Benny. He loved Benny. Everything he'd felt for
Benny, he'd put into that neat little pigeonhole called "Friendship". 

'Oh, yeah, you tried to shoot the woman who was going to take him away
from you, didn't you, Vecchio? You missed and shot him, but the result was
the same. You stopped her from taking him away. You rationalised it,
didn't you? A gun, she had a gun, or at least you thought so. Sure. All
you wanted was to stop Benny leaving with her.' 

And what had Angie said, all those years ago, when they'd gotten divorced?
That there was something in Ray she couldn't reach, that was it. He hadn't
known what she meant, then. All he'd known was that, even though he did
love her, it wasn't enough. They'd had 'problems'. They'd had fights. And
Ray remembered one particular fight when she'd yelled, "I'm not what you
wanted, Ray, and you know it!" Back then, he'd thought she meant she was
just a plain Italian girl, a girl his mother approved of, and not a
blonde, busty model, the kind of girl he met while on cases. He had ended
that fight by taking Angie to bed, by trying to prove that she *was* what
he wanted. And afterwards she had only whispered, "I know you love me,
Ray. But it isn't enough, is it?" And he'd said it was, but he'd been
lying. He'd known it then, and he knew it now. 

He had never met the right person... oh, go ahead and just admit it... the
right *guy*, so he had made do with Angie, and Irene, and all those
others. Because it was easier. Because he was Italian, and a Catholic, and
a cop. Because Italian Catholic cops weren't supposed to be gay. 

Ray struggled out of the shower. The hot water had finished ages ago.
Still shaking from the cold despite the robe he had on, Ray dialled
Angie's number. "Ange?" 

"Ray? Are you all right? You sound terrible." 

"Actually, I'm not. I need to ask you something, Ange." 

"Uh... okay." 

"Remember those fights we had, when you kept yelling that you weren't what
I wanted?" 

"Yeah...?" Angie sounded confused. 

"What did you mean?" 

"Ray... that was years ago." 

"Please, Ange. I really need to know." And he heard his ex-wife sigh on
the other end of the line. 

"I dunno what I meant, Ray. I just knew there was something in you that I
couldn't fulfill, that I couldn't touch. I thought, after we got divorced,
you'd find a person who had what you wanted. But you didn't. Every time
your sister would tell me about some woman you were dating, I'd think,
'Maybe she's the one.' And then you'd break it off. And I thought, maybe
no one was meant to touch that part of you." She stopped, waiting. 

"Thanks, Ange." Ray was about to put down the phone when Angie spoke
again. 

"I realised what it was." 

"What?" 

"When I saw you two together. I knew." 

"Who? What are you talking about?" 

"The Mountie. He touches that part of you that I never could." 

Ray didn't say anything - what *could* he say? 

And Angie spoke again, very softly. "You didn't know, did you?" 

"No." He said it just as softly. 

"But you know now?" 

"Yeah. That... news story... it really got to me. And all those things you
said when we were married, I realised what they meant." 

"I don't think less of you, Ray." 

"I know, Ange." 

"I love you." 

"I know. I love you, too, Ange, always will." 

"But it wasn't enough, was it, Ray?" 

"No." That was, after all, the truth. 

After he said goodbye, Ray knew what he was going to do. He couldn't
believe it, but he knew he had to do it. He had to go round to Fraser's
place and explain things. Even if this meant that Benny rejected him, he
had to tell him how he felt. And somehow he knew that Benny wouldn't
reject him. He just knew. Benny was too decent a person to reject a
friend... even if that friend *was* in love with him. 

He knocked on Fraser's door at almost 8.30 in the evening. Fraser's face
broke into a sunny smile when he saw Ray at the door. "Ray!" 

"Hey, Benny. Can I come in?" 

"Of course. I just finished having dinner, but I have some tea ready.
Would you like some?" 

Ray hated tea. "Got any coffee?" 

"Yes." Fraser went into the kitchen area and made the coffee quickly, then
he sat down at the table where Ray was already waiting. He'd thought it
was a social call at first, but now he wasn't so sure. He could sense an
odd tension from Ray. "Ray? Are you all right?" He seemed to be asking
that a lot. 

"No. Actually, Benny, I'm not." 

"What can I do to help?" 

Ray smiled at that, avoiding his friend's gaze. He would just say it and
then get the hell out of here. Benny was always so damn helpful. He always
tried to... Ray was gripped with a sudden panic. What if he told Benny,
and Benny's idea of being helpful was... No! He wouldn't let Benny
compromise himself that way. He knew that Benny would offer his love in
whatever form Ray wanted it. That was more scary for Ray than realising
his true feelings had been. Ray stood up, scraping the chair on the floor.
"Uh... forget it. Never mind. I'll see you tomorrow, Fraser." He rushed
for the door. 

"No." Fraser stood in front of the door, blocking it. "Why are you here,
Ray?" 

"Benny, please..." 

But instead of moving away, Fraser took Ray by the shoulders. "Why?" 

"I wanted... oh, G-d. Benny, promise me you won't do anything rash when
you hear this." 

"Ray..." 

"No, promise." 

"All right. I promise." 

"I wanted to tell you... you were right, that stuff about that actor, it
was affecting me." He paused, but Fraser didn't say anything, so he
ploughed on. "I'm him, Benny. That's me. I had everything, too. The wife,
the house, the life. And I loved my wife... but... like him, that wasn't
what I really wanted." 

Fraser, to Ray's shock, stepped *closer*. "What did you want, Ray?" 

"You. Even all those years ago, I was waiting for someone... That someone
is you, Benny." Everything came out in a rush now. "I love you, but don't
worry, I won't embarrass you or expect you to do anything about it, we can
carry on as we have been, I'm not gonna expect anything from you..." 

Fraser dropped his arms and stepped forward, intending... what? But Ray
ducked around the side, pulled the door open and was outside, down the
stairs and away before Fraser even got a handle on what he'd been about to
do. 

*** 

Fraser wanted to rush over to Ray's house, to tell him... What? But he
knew what. He had known for a long time. It hadn't taken a news story to
make him realise the way he felt; he'd just... He'd realised that he had
no idea what to do around women. Most of them took it for shyness,
counting on his Canadian politeness. But he'd never had an urge to sleep
with any of them. Even at those strip clubs Ray had once taken him to, he
hadn't felt anything. He knew why, now. He hadn't before. 

All of his desires, everything he'd felt, he'd put into those few days
with Victoria. And when she had asked him to go away with her, he'd tried.
Because he'd known that after his behaviour, there was no way that Ray
could want him now. Well, he hadn't thought of it that way, then. He'd
figured that Ray wouldn't want to be his friend anymore. 

And Meg Thatcher... oh, there was something there, he knew. *He'd* kissed
*her* on top of the train, after all. Why, then, in his dreams, was it
*Ray* that he kissed? Before now he'd never been able to remember the
shadowy figure he ended up kissing on the train... he'd just known that it
wasn't Meg. But now he knew exactly. And while he certainly had some sort
of... attachment... to Thatcher, it was nothing compared to what he'd felt
just minutes ago when Ray had confessed that he loved him. 

And what was he going to do about it? Ignore it? Pretend it wasn't the
truth? Act on it? 

That last thought was extremely frightening. Act on it. He knew what that
would entail, and it excited him despite being so very scary. But could he
tell Ray the truth? He had to, he decided. Ray deserved that much. 

Ray opened the door just after 10 p.m, to find Fraser standing there minus
the wolf. "Benny?" 

"I... we... I need to speak to you in private, Ray." 

Ray tried not to see the desire in his friend's eyes, sure he was
misreading. "Sure, we can go into the lounge." 

"No, I don't think so. Someplace else." 

"Okay, my room. Come on." And Ray led the way upstairs, closing the door
behind them. "Okay, Benny, what..." 

He didn't get any further before Fraser had him pinned up against the
door. Fraser's mouth descended on his, and Ray opened his own in surprise,
allowing Benny's tongue access... which Benny took full advantage of,
plunging his tongue inside Ray's warm mouth, tasting him fully, feeling
each and every contour. 

Ray leaned his head back against the door as he was kissed more thoroughly
than he had ever been in his life. He just stood there, unable to believe
it, but feeling the rightness of it. *This* was what had been lacking all
those years, he thought, and arousal tore through him, making him tremble
in Benny's arms. 

When Fraser felt the shudders, he pulled away suddenly. "Ray?" 

"Oh, G-d, Benny, I want you." And Ray pulled Fraser's head back so that
their lips met again, and this time he was the one tasting Benny, learning
each and every nuance of Benny's mouth, feeling both their temperatures
increase. 

And then he pressed himself against Benny, completely, knowing what he
would feel, just knowing that Benny would be hard too, wanting him. And he
was right. 

When their groins pressed together, Fraser suddenly pulled away, looking
both excited and terrified. "Ray?" They had hardly said two words to each
other, but they hadn't needed to. 

Now Ray looked into Benny's eyes. "Tell me you want it, Benny. Say it. I
need to hear it." 

"I do, Ray." 

"Do what?" 

"I do... want you." 

"You want to make love to me." 

Fraser looked away briefly, then back at Ray, his eyes burning. "Yes. I
want to make love to you." 

"And I want to make love to you, Benny." Ray said nothing else as he
pushed Fraser's jacket off his arms and began to unbutton the plaid shirt
he was wearing underneath, struggling because he was trembling so much.
And then Fraser reached up and began unbuttoning the shirt Ray had on. 

It took a while - this was Chicago, and the weather lately had meant that
people were always overdressed - but finally all their clothes were off,
and they regarded each other with hunger. 

"You are so beautiful, Benny," Ray said when he could finally make himself
speak. "All of you." 

"Thank you kindly, Ray," Fraser responded, and Ray laughed happily, making
Fraser say, "What?" 

"You're so damn polite, that's all. I'll never get used to that. Which
might not be a bad thing." 

Fraser smiled, and Ray's heart melted on the spot. He put his arms around
Benny, bringing their naked bodies together, their most intimate parts
touching... "Oh, G-d, Benny," Ray mumbled. "Oh G-d, oh G-d, oh G-d..." 

Fraser stopped the tirade by kissing Ray again, just standing there
feeling Ray's body pressed against him, aroused by just the thought of
what they were doing, and what... what they would do soon. But there was
also apprehension. "Ray, I don't..." He had been looking into those
beautiful hazel eyes, but now he looked away. "I don't know... I've
never..." 

Ray saved him by whispering, "I know, Benny. Neither have I. We can figure
this out together, what do you say?" And he moved against Benny in
definite provocation, sending Fraser's senses reeling. Then he stopped.
"You want to...?" 

Fraser shook his head, frightened suddenly. "Keep doing that, Ray. I need
that." 

Ray felt shocked. Fraser was that close, already? They hadn't done
anything, except... Oh well. "You want it this way, Benny? Here? Now?" 

Benny nodded, his eyes - oh, G-d, his eyes - burning with a passion that
transferred itself to Ray. 

"Maybe we should go to the bed, Benny," Ray suggested. 

He saw how Fraser swallowed. "No. Here. Please, Ray. I..." He struggled to
say it, not being used to expressing feelings, or sexual need, or such
things. "I can't wait," he finally said, and Ray smiled, moving up against
Fraser again, feeling Benny respond to him now, feeling him return the
thrusts in an almost raw rhythm. And then the rhythm became more urgent
and 

Benny gasped out his name, shuddering against him with completion. 

Ray felt a mixture of disappointment and happiness as Fraser was unable to
remain standing and ended up curled at his feet next to the bedroom door.
Ray knelt down next to him, smiling. He had caused this, the look on
Benny's face, the lovelight and satisfaction he saw there. Then Fraser
looked into his eyes. "Ray, I'm so sorry." 

"I'm not. You were beautiful, Benny. I think your face when you came is
one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen." 

Fraser blushed, completely and totally, and Ray smiled even wider, knowing
that Benny probably did not use words like that. Well, he'd have to teach
him, wouldn't he. 

"Ray... you never..." He swallowed, blushing some more. 

"It doesn't matter, Benny. This is what I wanted my whole life, to be here
like this with you." 

"Me too, Ray." Then he looked Ray straight in the eye. "What do you want,
Ray?" 

"You, Benny." 

"Be more specific." 

"I can't. Whatever you feel comfortable with." 

"I'll do anything for you, Ray. You know that." 

Should he take the chance, Ray wondered? Should he say what he *really*
wanted, or let Benny decide? 

He couldn't say it. "I want..." He touched Benny's lips with his fingers.
"That, Benny. But only..." 

Fraser cut him off. "I understand, Ray. Stand up." 

Ray got to his feet. "Maybe now would..." 

Benny's mouth engulfed him, then, and stopped him in mid-sentence. 

"Oh, G-d! Benny!" Ray leaned against the bedroom door, banging his head.
But he hardly noticed as he looked down to see Benton Fraser, RCMP,
touching him like that with his mouth. Not expertly, as had some women
he'd known, but there was a first time for everything. And Ray knew he
would rather it was Benton Fraser than any woman on Earth. He tried to
remain still, to just experience, but it was impossible. He had to move,
to try to plunge deeper into that warm wetness that was Benny's mouth. And
move he did, steadily at first, and then more quickly, needing this,
needing Benny so badly. He could feel it approaching, that wave of intense
pleasure... And he banged his head on the door a second time when the
orgasm overcame him, but this time he didn't feel it at all. 

In the dreamlike haze that he felt as his heart began slowing, he felt
Benny pull him up, and settle them both on the bed, pulling the covers up
over them. He felt Benny's arms encircle him, and he didn't have to say
even one thing, as he fell asleep entwined with his best friend, with the
person that he loved. 

*** 

It was much, much later when he awoke to feel... somebody was touching
him. Benny, it was Benny, he remembered. It all came back: him confessing
his feelings, Benny arriving and just kissing him senseless, and then...
They had made love. The memory of Benny's mouth on him, and Benny's skin
against his, made him tingle with new arousal. Benny was just running his
hand over his chest, luxuriating in the feel of him. "Benny?" 

"Yes, Ray." 

"Thank you." 

Fraser smiled, and Ray knew why he didn't smile that often: it was deadly.
Fraser's smile could mortally wound at twenty paces. "It was my pleasure,
Ray. And yours, I hope." 

Ray knew that a lot of men - himself included, but Fraser especially -
disliked talking about how they felt - but he'd tried so hard to get Benny
to verbalise things, to get Benny to *admit* that he felt stuff. So he
said, "I've never felt like that before, Fraser. Never." 

"Me neither, Ray. Not even..." He clamped his mouth down on her name. 

But Ray knew who he meant. "Victoria." 

"Yes. I... we..." 

"The sex was okay, you enjoyed yourself." Ray was taking a completely wild
guess here; but he knew Benny, and he turned out to be right. 

"Exactly. I was... I think the word is obssessed... with her. I'd
remembered that time, in the snow, the sound of her voice, and it was
all-consuming. Then when I saw her again, everything... It just came out.
But at the same time, Ray, there was a part of me... I thought it was a
part of me that knew she was a criminal... but it wasn't. It was the part
that wanted you." 

"My ex-wife said that, you know. There was a part of me she couldn't
reach. But you reached it, Benny." 

Fraser suddenly looked worried. "Ray... what about your family?" 

"Let them get in line. I saw you first." Ray grinned evilly. 

"Ray..." 

"I know, Benny. I'll have to tell them, I guess. But not now." 

"I can't stay here," Fraser said, sounding firm and at the same time,
wistful. 

"I know. But I'm coming with you. I'm not finished." 

"Ray, we just made love twice." 

"Yeah, so?" And Ray smiled the most open, happy smile that Fraser had ever
seen. 

Fraser smiled back. "I love you, Ray." 

"I know, Benny. I love you." 

They spent the rest of the night in Fraser's apartment getting to know one
another's bodies. Ray marvelled at each of Fraser's scars, kissing the one
made by the dead otter and laughing. But when he came to the one made by
the bullet from his gun, he froze. 

He couldn't help it. He knew that Benny forgave him; he'd managed to
forgive himself eventually, but it was still an uncomfortable reminder.
Fraser turned over and looked at him. "Ray... you were shot, too,
remember." 

"It's not the same, Benny. You nearly died." 

"It kept me here, with you. I'm glad you shot me." 

"I'm not." 

Fraser just looked at him with love. "That doesn't matter now, Ray.
Nothing does, except us." He took Ray's hand. "I want something different
now. I want you to touch me." And he placed Ray's hand over his erection,
breathing in sharply as he did so. Then he touched Ray as well, slowly at
first, and then a little faster... 

Ray reached out with his other hand, taking Benny's hand and putting it
around his own on Benny, and putting his hand over the hand Benny had on
him. Fraser just frowned. "Synchronise," smiled Ray. 

And together they touched each other in an almost perfect rhythm, feeling
each other, controlling each other's touch, faster and faster, until all
thought was banished and neither of them knew who was touching whom, or
where one of them ended and the other began. It didn't matter. Nothing
mattered except this feeling between them, the need to experience
everything there was to this newfound sexuality... 

Then it was all over in a rush, as first Ray, and then Fraser, spilled
himself into the hand of his best friend. 

Fraser, of course, had to lift his hand to his mouth and taste. He hadn't
really been concentrating before, in Ray's bedroom, but now he was. And he
expected Ray to say something like, "Yuk! Benny!" But Ray didn't. He just
watched Fraser taste his most intimate essence, and then he said, "Do you
have to taste *everything*, Benny?" 

"Yes, Ray." 

"Hey, I can do that." Ray lifted his own hand to his mouth, grinning at
Benny the whole time. And he couldn't believe how arousing it was just to
taste his friend that way. 

"So?" Fraser asked, genuinely curious. 

"You taste good, Benny." 

"So do you." Fraser leaned forward and kissed him, and they shared what
they were tasting with one another. 

Finally Ray pulled away and whispered, "It's late. Some sleep might be in
order." 

"Agreed." Fraser lay down in the bed, pulling the covers up and taking Ray
in his arms. He'd never thought this would happen - well, he'd never
thought about it at all - but now that it had, it was the most satisfying
thing in the world. And it felt right. If he had to use the word 'gay' to
explain his feelings, then so be it. 

Ray took longer than Fraser to fall asleep, but he was having much the
same thoughts. What Angie hadn't been able to touch, Benny had. Benny's
masculine frame felt perfect in his arms, far more perfect than Irene or
Angie had ever felt. Right. That was it, this was right for him. Right for
them. Women were wonderful, but they'd never been what he truly wanted. He
could admit it to himself, and to Benny, and he knew a burden had lifted
with his admitting of it. He was gay. He could think that about himself
now, and not be ashamed. 

*** 

The next week was filled with joy and love, and a momentous decision. Ray
felt that it wasn't right to hide what he felt from people, especially his
family, but admitting what was going on wouldn't be easy, either. He knew
his mother would be upset... that she'd wonder what she'd done wrong, or
what Ray's father had done wrong... Ray didn't know how he would deal with
that, but he knew he'd have to. And Benny... would Benny want people to
know? Somehow, Ray knew that Fraser was so deep in people's hearts that
all his neighbours and acquaintances would probably accept it, if they saw
it made him happy. But... Fraser was a Mountie. He had an image to
protect. What would his superior officer say about him openly taking up
with a Chicago policeman? 

They discussed whether to tell people... but Ray felt that the decision
had already been made, unconsciously, and now there was only the following
through to worry about. 

It was decided that they should spring the news on Ray's family all at
once. "Get all the shouting over with," was how Ray put it. 

Fraser didn't say anything, but he was clearly terrified. Ray looked at
his expression the night they decided to tell all, and knew how much this
was costing Fraser. Benny wasn't used to loud Italian families, and Ray
knew they'd be getting a lot louder than usual before the night was done. 

Ray was sitting in a chair, facing his mother, sisters and brother-in-law.
Fraser had the last seat on the couch, and, quite as expected, Francesca
was sitting next to him. But he wasn't looking at her; he was trying to
blend into the fabric of the couch. Since he was wearing red, it wasn't
working. 

"So, we're all here, can you tell us what the big emergency is so we can
eat, please?" Tony asked. 

Ray looked at each member of his family, and his panic increased. The
shouting would be terrible, he knew. His mother would probably kick him
out of the house - his house or not - and never speak to him again. He
expected that. He expected Frannie to cry, Maria to yell, and Tony to look
disgusted. But, it had to be done. Better to get it over with. He looked
at his mother, who looked worried about him, bless her. 

"The big emergency is, Benny and I have an announcement." 

All heads turned to Fraser, who turned almost as red as his uniform and
looked at the floor. Ray spoke again. "We... we're having a relationship,"
he said. That was how he'd planned to say it, and he was pleased that he
hadn't forgotten and mumbled something else instead. 

The faces before him looked confused. "A relationship?" Maria asked.
"Like, what kind of relationship?" 

Francesca chimed in with, "What are you talking about, Ray?" while Ray's
mother just looked confused. Tony, thank heavens, didn't say anything. 

"A love affair," Ray clarified. "Benny and I, we love each other." 

The lounge erupted in a flurry of speech. Maria *was* yelling, but Frannie
was yelling at Maria. Tony was yelling at both of them to shut up, and
Ray's mother was just staring at Ray, never saying a word. 

"Okay, that's it!" Ray yelled, using his 'cop' voice. "Everybody, shut up!
And sit," he said to Maria, who'd gotten up. 

Maria sat. 

"All right, let's do this one at a time. Maria." 

"You're breaking Ma's heart, you know," his sister said. "Ma always wanted
you to give her more grandchildren. How could you do this to her, Ray?" 

Through this, their mother still kept silent, and Ray took this as either
a good sign or a very bad one. "No, Maria, I wanna know what *you* think.
I only did this because you're my family. Nothing you say will change how
Benny and I feel, but I want your opinions on the table, right from the
start, so we know where we stand." 

Maria simmered down a bit. Deprived of her mother as a weapon, she looked
lost. "But you aren't gay, Ray..." she said. 

"Yes, I am." 

The yelling started again as Frannie, Maria and Tony started calling out
names of women Ray had dated. 

"Quiet!" They quietened down. "Look, it took a long time for me to realise
the truth, but I have. Why do you think I was never happy? Even Angie
knew." 

"Angie *knew*?" Frannie squeaked in shock. 

"Yeah, Angie knew. If you don't believe me, ask her. She'll tell you." 

Frannie turned to Fraser. "But you aren't gay, are you, Benton?" 

Fraser, still bright red, cleared his throat. "I would have to say I am. I
didn't have a lot of time to date, and I spent a lot of time alone... I
was never conditioned or told that such a thing was wrong. So I can admit
it and say that I love Ray." 

It was a very bold statement, and Frannie's mouth opened in shock. "So...
that's why..." She didn't carry on. She didn't have to. That was why
Fraser wouldn't sleep with her... that was why he always looked confused
when women propositioned him... as if he didn't know what women were for.
Well, no wonder. 

Tony was shaking his head. "And you think this is okay, do you? You think
having sex with a man is a good idea, that this is normal?" 

Ray had known someone would bring that up, but before he could reply,
Fraser spoke. "If you read any paper on sexuality in nature, you'll find
that homosexuality is widespread throughout the animal kingdom. That
includes humans. And the generally accepted theory today is that it's
something innate, that it isn't a learned behaviour, it's an inborn one."
He would have continued, but Ray recognised a lecture coming on, and
interrupted him. 

"What that means is, people are born that way or not. They can't help it.
I can't, and I don't want to, you hear? I love Benny!" 

Tony wasn't finished. "The Bible says it's wrong." 

Fraser answered this one again. "The Bible prohibits many things, Tony,
most of which are done anyway. Most of the things it prohibits are
considered to have been prohibitions for that particular time and place.
We are living in a different time and place." 

"Some things are prohibited forever." 

"But who decides which those are? Some churches accept gay relationships."


"Hey! Enough theology," Ray put in. Both Fraser and Tony stopped the
debate. 

Ray looked to his mother. "Say something, Ma." 

Ray's mother looked at her son and said softly, "I knew, Raymondo." 

"What?!" Ray asked, simultaneously with the rest of the Vecchios. 

She nodded. "I always knew." 

"How, Ma? How could you know if I didn't?" 

"You're my son. I know you. I saw how Angie didn't make you happy, I saw
how you behaved around girls. But I could see that you didn't know, and I
hoped I was wrong." She turned to Fraser. "I don't mean any offense,
Benton. I hoped I was wrong because Ray seemed to enjoy dating, at first.
I just wanted my son to be happy." 

"So you're not upset?" Ray couldn't believe it. "You're not gonna think it
was something you did?" 

"No, Raymondo. No. I know it wasn't anything I did. Your brother got
married, didn't he? He's been married for..." 

"Fifteen years, Ma," Maria said. 

"There, you see? I raised you boys the same. And I know you can't help it.
All I want is your happiness. If Benton makes you happy, then he's welcome
here." She turned to see if any of her other offspring would disagree, but
strangely enough, they were quiet. This was a good sign, Ray realised.
"But enough talking," his mother went on. "Let's eat." 

The dinner was a strangely subdued affair, at least for the Vecchio
household. There was some talking, but no yelling. Ray's mother made
Fraser sit next to her and quizzed him on housing arrangements. Fraser
quietly said that he wasn't sure what Ray wanted to do, but that he didn't
think Ray would enjoy living in his apartment. 

"Would you like to stay here, Benton?" Ray's mother asked, meaning it. 

Fraser looked across at Ray, who was talking with Frannie quietly. He'd
get no help there. "Um... ma'am... thank you for the offer, but..." Now
Ray looked up. 

"What offer, Ma?" 

"I asked if, since you hate Benton's apartment, he might not want to stay
here?" 

"No, Ma." Although Ray had never expected his mother to be so accepting,
the idea of living here with Benny just didn't appeal - too little
privacy, for one. And he knew that Fraser wasn't used to living in such
close quarters with so many people. "I mean, Angie and I had our own place
when we were married. I want Benny and I to have our own place too." 

All conversation stopped. It was as if their relationship was just now
sinking in. 

Finally, Tony - of all people - spoke up. "Hey, one of my customers is
moving out of his place at the end of the month." Before Ray could
decline, he went on, "It's one of those large houses they subdivided. And
it's nearer the city than here." 

Ray was surprised. "Why are you doing this, Tone?" 

"Because if it makes you happy, it'll make Ma happy." 

That seemed to satisfy Ray. He knew Tony was fiercely loyal to his
mother-in-law. At the moment, his mother-in-law did look happy. She hugged
and kissed Tony, mumbling how he was a good son-in-law. 

Ray looked at Fraser, who nodded. "Okay, Tone, you arrange it and we'll
come round and have a look, okay?" 

"Sure, no problem." 

Until then, of course, Ray intended to stay with Fraser at his place. He
wasn't going to miss any more time with the person that he loved. 

When they got back to Fraser's apartment, Ray just sat down on the bed,
looking stunned. His family, while not totally accepting, had seemed to
take the news rather well. And his mother - well, he knew that his mother
did love him, so he guessed it shouldn't have been such a surprise that
she accepted it. And she'd *known*. All those years, she had known, and
not said anything. But what could she have said? Nothing. 

Fraser came over and put his arms around Ray's waist, kissing his neck. "I
think that went rather well, Ray." 

Ray turned to his partner and kissed him. "Yeah. I just can't believe Ma
knew!" 

"Mothers often have instincts about their children. For example, the
Inuit..." 

Ray silenced him by kissing him again. "No more Inuit stories tonight,
okay, Benny?" He wanted to just lie down and rest in Benny's arms... just
to feel the rightness of it. This would, then, be the first night they had
been together and not made love. Ray was nervous about telling this to
Fraser, though. Would Benny feel rejected? 

But Benny felt the same way. The dinner and family gathering had taken a
lot out of him, and he wanted to lie down and sleep in Ray's arms.
"Ray..." It was a cautious tone. "Let's lie down, just lie down and..." 

"Great idea, Benny," Ray said, relieved that he hadn't needed to say it.
"I'm tired. I just want to lie in your arms." 

So they did exactly that. All their clothes came off first, though, and
they just lay, naked, holding each other... and it was so right. 

They didn't, however, break the news to the people at work. Ray had heard
of too many incidents where gay cops were harrassed, and he didn't want to
risk it. Although Benny said that Canada didn't discriminate against
homosexuals, Ray talked him out of telling the Dragon Lady. He just didn't
want to risk Benny's career. 

They were both aware, however, that sooner or later the truth of the
situation would seep into the collective unconscious of those they worked
with. But at least that way, there'd be no scenes, no gossip, no locker
room nastiness. 

Elaine, however, noticed right off. Hell, she'd noticed before *Ray* had 

noticed! And although Ray hadn't said anything in the week after he and
Fraser had become lovers, Elaine had felt the difference in him. But it
wasn't until Fraser walked into the precinct a few days after giving the
news to Ray's family that Elaine got to notice how being Ray's lover
affected *him*. 

"Hi, Fraser." 

"Hullo, Elaine. How are you?" 

Elaine smiled at him, feeling so much affection that she just wanted to
hug him. "I'm fine. Ray's just finishing up an interview. How are you?" 

"Fine." 

"Hey, Dief," Elaine scratched the wolf behind his ears, "what's new in
your corner of the world?" 

Dief just looked at her longingly. Maybe she could be persuaded to give
him a doughnut... 

But Elaine looked back at Fraser. "Are you and Ray happy?" she asked. She
knew they were, but she wanted him to know she was okay with it. 

Fraser's eyes just got bigger, as he realised what she meant. "Yes, very
happy, Elaine." He leaned closer. "How did you know?" He knew that Ray
wouldn't have said anything. 

"I know Ray," smiled Elaine. "I always knew that he loved you, you could
see it a mile off. I just never knew how you felt..." 

"I felt the same, but I didn't know it. I don't think Ray knew it, either,
as a matter of fact." 

"He didn't, but I always did." Elaine gave him a conspiratorial smile. 

"Does anyone else know?" 

"I don't think so. Maybe Lieutenant Welsh suspects. He knows Ray pretty
well." 

And just then Welsh's head poked out of his office and called, "Fraser! In
here, if you please." 

Fraser went in, closed the door and said respectfully, "Sir." 

Welsh didn't play games. "Are you having an affair with one of my
officers?" 

The Mountie was stunned. "Sir?!" 

"Are you hard of hearing, Constable?" 

"Uh, no, Sir..." 

"Well, then, answer my question. Are you and Vecchio... an 'item'?" 

Fraser wasn't sure he liked being asked that. "Sir, forgive me, but why
does it matter?" 

Welsh sat back in the chair and sighed. "It doesn't, Constable. I would
just prefer to have the information if I ever need it." 

"Oh." Fraser took a breath, stood even straighter than he had been. "Yes,
Sir." 

"I thought so." There was a long pause. "Look, Fraser, this doesn't bother
me. But now that I know, I can call you if something - G-d forbid - ever
happens to Vecchio. And I'll treat this as confidential, of course." 

"I understand, Sir. Thank you." Fraser paused at the door. "Sir, if I can
ask..." 

"Sure, sure." 

"Please don't assign Ray to any different cases because of this." 

Welsh understood what the Mountie was asking. He didn't want Ray to feel
he was being treated differently because of his sexuality. "I understand,
and you have my assurance that I'll treat Vecchio the way I always have." 

"Thank you, Sir." Fraser turned to leave, but Welsh stopped him. 

"Constable... the case Vecchio is on now... his name was at the top of the
list. He pulled the case. It isn't discrimination. Okay?" 

Fraser didn't know what case Ray was on, but he knew that Welsh was a fair
man. "All right, Sir." He left the office, to find Dief scarfing down a
doughnut that he had in fact managed to con out of Elaine. He sighed, and
then smiled, deciding not to lecture his wolf. Besides, it was comforting
to know that at least there was one constant in the universe. 

Ray was coming out of the interrogation room looking rather steamed. When
he saw Fraser he pulled him into the observation room. "Well, there goes
my career!" 

"What's wrong, Ray?" 

"Welsh knows. He must. Guess what case he gives me? Just guess!" 

"I don't know what case he gave you, Ray, he..." 

Ray cut him off. "Of course not. You're not his token gay officer!" 

"Ray, keep your voice down." Fraser wanted to explain, but Ray was in a
ranting mood. 

"A dozen officers in the station and *I* get the case with the gay
complainants! Not Huey! Me! Does this seem fair to you?" 

"Your name was at the top of the roster, Ray," Fraser said quietly. 

"How do you know that?" 

"Welsh." 

"And when did he tell you this?" 

"Just now, when I was waiting for you." Fraser paused. "He knows, Ray. But
he assured me that nothing will change. The only reason you got this case
was because it was your turn." 

Incredibly, Ray calmed down. He knew Welsh quite well, too. He knew he
wouldn't be unfair because of something like this. "Oh." Then he started
to shake. 

Knowing he really shouldn't, Fraser pulled Ray into a hug. "Ray? Are you
all right?" 

Ray's mouth connected with his, then, and they were kissing. In the
precinct, where anyone could walk in, they were kissing! And it wasn't a
chaste kiss in the least, as Ray slid his tongue into Fraser's mouth,
hungrily tasting him, tickling the roof of his mouth, holding Fraser
against him possessively. 

Fraser returned the kiss, but not with the force he wanted to. This wasn't
a good idea, doing this in here. Eventually, Ray pulled away. "G-d, Benny,
I needed that." 

"What's wrong, Ray?" 

"I guess I'd forgotten that these are good people, that Welsh wouldn't
discriminate against me. My family surprised me, the people here are
surprising me. Why is that, huh?" 

"You always tend to expect the worst, Ray, that's why. We've seen what's
happened to some gay officers, we know the attitude. It wasn't difficult
to think we'd face the same problems here. And to find out we were
wrong... I suppose it was overwhelming." 

"Yeah." Ray was continually surprised at how well Fraser could read him.
But he'd also used the pronoun 'we'. "Did you think we'd face problems,
Benny?" 

"I didn't so much think we would as wonder about it. I'm glad I was
wrong." 

Ray smiled, and it warmed Fraser's heart. He loved the man so very much!
"It's just on quitting time. Let's get outta here. I'm sure we can find
much better stuff to do at home." 

Fraser smiled back. "All right." 

*** 

"Touch me, Benny," Ray said as he lay naked in Fraser's very uncomfortable
bed. 

"Touch you?" 

"Yeah. I want to see how you look, touching me. And I want you to see my
face." 

"All right." Fraser reached down and curled his fingers around Ray. "How's
this?" 

"Oh, that's good, Benny." Ray squirmed sexily, and Fraser tightened his
grip, squeezing slightly. "Oh, yeah, more. That's good," Ray said, his
breathing accelerating fast. 

Fraser continued to touch Ray intimately, watching his face as he knew Ray
wanted him to. Each sound Ray made excited him, spurred him to try more
daring touches, to move just a little faster, to caress lightly, with just
a finger over the most sensitive spot, to touch more firmly... And,
finally, to settle into a rhythm when he sensed Ray was close. "Oh,
Benny..." Ray cried out, one last time, as he came in a wet gush, his
whole body tensing and then collapsing. 

Fraser pulled Ray into his arms. "You looked beautiful, Ray." 

Ray smiled up at him: a goofy, satisfied, loving smile. "I love you,
Benny." 

"I know. I love you, Ray." There was a long silence as Fraser waited for
Ray's breathing to go back to normal. "So... what is this case you got?" 

"I guess I was just being paranoid, thinking Welsh assigned it to me on
purpose. It's a neighbourly dispute. The gay couple are the ones
complaining. Their neighbours hold all-night parties or something. Which
we would have referred to a lesser crimes unit, but these guys allege that
there's drug dealing going on, and they've heard screams. So we've gotta
check it out next weekend." 

"It does sound just like every other case." 

"Yeah. I told you, I was being paranoid. Silly, I guess." 

"Maybe silly, Ray, but not unjustified." 

"I suppose." Ray sat up slightly and leaned on one elbow. He trailed a
hand down Fraser's chest, ignoring all his sensitive spots. There was only
one area he was interested in touching tonight. "Look at me, Benny. I
wanna see your face when you come." 

The word sent a thrill down Fraser's spine, and he gladly looked up into
the eyes of his lover as Ray's hand reached his penis and touched him with
reverence. 

Fraser felt himself falling into those hazel eyes turned green with
passion, as Ray touched him more firmly... then lightly, imitating the way
Benny had touched him. Ray lifted his hand away suddenly, causing Fraser
to moan incoherently... But all he did was lick his index finger, and
touch Fraser again, the wetness providing a truly weird sensation. "Ray!"
Fraser cried out, his frustration mounting. "Please..." 

Ray grinned, looking into Benny's eyes... eyes which stayed blue but had
changed shade and become very dark with arousal. He leaned down and kissed
Benny, then grasped him and moved his hand up and down, establishing a
rhythm which took Fraser over the edge very quickly. Fraser cried out as
he came, his eyes never leaving Ray's. 

Ray was overcome by his love for this man, by the emotion he could see in
those eyes. He rolled on top of him then, kissing him until neither of
them could breathe. When he was forced to stop and move away, Fraser
looked up at him, the most beautiful smile on his face. "It was meant to
be this way, Ray," he said. "Even your family and our acquaintances know
it. We were meant to love each other." 

"I know, Benny, I know." Ray grinned at Fraser, then rolled away to lie
next to him, their arms once again wrapping around one another. 

They fell asleep that way, nestling together, knowing that this was how it
was meant to be. They could feel the rightness of it. Love is never wrong.


THE END