Archive: Sure, let me know where
Archive Date: February 12, 2001
Category: PoV
Disclaimer: Almost all canon stuff, and that
belongs to the Great God Lucas, at whose feet
we grovel for scraps of myth.
Pairing: Han/Luke
Rating: G. You can use 1 damn in a G (2 actually)
Summary: Leia comes to grips with what she saw
at the Ewok celebration.
Warnings: slash implications, but nothing that wasn't
in the actual films.
My father used to tell me I could be as blind as a dzuba when I had my mind set on something. But right now, my vision is as clear as my mind is confused.
I saw tonight what I should have seen four years ago.
That's why I'm not asleep, why I'm sitting out here, staring up at the collapsing rubble of the second Death Star. The debris will consume itself in a few weeks.
Blessings, curses and shocks all come in threes. And in the last twenty-four hours, I've had my three shocks.
Shocks. Yesterday morning, I was Princess Leia Organa, only daughter of Bail Organa, one of the last Alderaani in the galaxy. I was a leader of the Rebel Alliance. I was shockingly, disgracefully, totally in love with a common smuggler.
Tonight, tonight everything is different. Tonight, I'm still Leia, but my last name should be Skywalker. I have a brother. That's all right. I've liked Luke since he burst into my cell in armor a size too large and announced he was there to rescue me. It was just a surprise.
But, the problem is his father. Our father. The biological contributor of half my genetic make-up was Vader. My father was Bail Organa, who loved me.
The Rebellion is over, and the New Republic is rising, and I remain one of the leaders.
But my lover. Ah!
Tonight, my eyes were opened. It isn't me he loves at all. And I think I've always known. I never pieced the hundred little things together, because I wanted him to love me.
Our whole time together has been replaying itself all evening. Small things stand out.
Han's panic in the garbage compactor, which made me think they'd been friends for years, instead of having met less than two days before.
The way he watched out for Luke throughout the whole escape. Even while fending off TIE fighters, he took a second to encourage. And a second is a very long time in space combat.
They always touched so easily. More like brothers or lovers than just friends. Even then.
The long periods on shipboard or at various makeshift bases. In the off-shift, where one was, the other could usually be found. Whether working, drinking or just talking, whether there were others around or not, they were together.
Han charging out into the Hoth night, on a Tauntaun, almost certain to die, but not willing to let Luke freeze if there was any chance. I spent that night praying to gods I hoped weren't as dead as the world on which they had been worshipped. And once again, legendary Solo luck came through, beating almost insurmountable odds to bring them both in safe.
Han not leaving the medcenter while Luke was in bacta.
The way he couldn't tell me he loved me. The kiss stolen in Cloud City was the last pleasure of a condemned man. The statement at the bunker was not a lover's confession, but admiration. Even that last, almost brusque kiss, closed lipped and with that damnably adorable smirk at the end of it. I've been kissed romantically, and that wasn't even close.
Luke appearing moments after the freezing to rescue us.
The way Luke always seems to light up when Han enters a room, and vice versa. Luke just shows it more.
Even Han being willing to step aside for Luke and me to be together. Valuing Luke's happiness over his own.
Tonight, tonight, I saw clearly the one thing that pulled it all together. The look. Luke sped his walk as he saw me, and hugged me hard. He looked pleased to see me. But the look on his face when he went to Han... It was relief, love, desire, security and desperation rolled into one. He looked as if he would stay there forever.
That is what I see when I turn my eyes to the spectacular tombstone that marks the end of the Emperor. That is what I see when I shut my eyes. In my mind's eye, Luke will always be in his arms.
That turned all the colored dots into a clear picture. And I knew what I, a trained diplomat, should have seen a long time ago.
I understand now. I won't get in the way.