Title: Where I Belong
Author: Nancy Taylor
Author Email: nat1228@comcast.net
Rating: PG
Status: Complete
Archive: Yes to CL, WWOMB, Fries
Author's website: https://www.squidge.org/~nat1228/TSgen.htm

Written: May-July 2000
Revised and expanded: January, 2002
Previously published by Agent With Style

Disclaimer: Pet Fly and Paramount own the copyright to The Sentinel and its characters. This piece of fan fiction was written solely for the love of the characters and to share freely with other fans. No profit is being made from the posting of this story.

Episode related: Warriors

Warnings: lyrics

Author's notes: Many thanks to Becky for the use of parts of her episode transcripts for "Warriors." You made my job much easier.

Thanks also to my intrepid betas: Allison and Heather-Anne, for the original version, and Heather-Anne and Kimberly for this revised and expanded version. Couldn't do it without you!

Summary: Blair learns an important lesson about his newfound abilities and Jim comes to the reluctant conclusion that Blair's visions make him Jim's equal.

WHERE I BELONG
by Nancy Taylor
nat1228@comcast.net

But tonight you're where I belong

=====||=====

"That was great of Simon to give you some time off." Blair shifted the heavy backpack on his shoulders and leaned into the steep hill they were climbing. "We almost there?"

"What's the matter, Sandburg? Getting tired?" Jim shifted his own, lighter, pack slightly and forged ahead.

"Nah. Just wondering. You say the fishing is good at the lake?"

"The best," Jim confirmed. "And for your information, it's not a catch-and-release. We eat what we catch."

"Terrific! We can try out that recipe of mine. You know, where you wrap the fish in maple leaves, add some fresh herbs and garlic, then put them underneath some hot rocks. It's beautiful. Superb. You'll love it!"

"Sounds great, Darwin, but first we have to catch them," Jim chuckled.

They crested the ridge they were climbing and the lake came into view.

Jim turned to smile at his partner and friend. "That's our camping spot."

"About time." Blair walked down to the beach, then back a way from the water, toward the tree line. "How's this?"

"Looks good," Jim agreed, dropping his pack and rubbing his shoulder.

Blair squinted against the bright sun and looked at his friend. "Your shoulder doing okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it," Jim assured him. "Doc said I was good to go. I still need to take it easy, which is why Simon sent us off. He knows what I get like when I'm chained to a desk for too long. Besides, I had more vacation days coming than the establishment was comfortable with." He grinned.

"You're kidding, right? I mean with all the times you've been in the hospital?" Blair was incredulous.

"Hey," Jim countered. "I get shot a lot, but I don't get sick."

"What about that time on the train?" Blair reminded him.

"That was a fluke." Jim waved his friend off. "We'd better get the tent set up so that we can get fishing."

"I'll set up the tent, you fish," Blair suggested. "I'm starving."

~~oO0Oo~~

Blair checked their campfire, poking a stick into the low flames to stir up the kindling. The fire blazed hotter.

"How much longer for the fish?" Jim asked, coming to settle next to Blair.

"Probably another half hour, at least," his partner answered. "I put the potatoes in first; they need to cook longer."

"Want a soda?"

"Yeah, thanks, man. Sounds great." Blair leaned back against the tree stump and sipped at the can Jim handed him. "Mmmm . . . good."

Jim turned to the young man sitting next to him and eyed him closely. "How have you been feeling lately? Any more migraines?"

"Off and on," Blair admitted. "But thanks to your help, I can pretty much keep them under control. I meditate daily now. That helps."

"You'd tell me if you were hurting, right?" Jim's voice had turned serious. "I mean, if the migraines start up again, I want to know."

"Jim, you're not my mother. I can take care of myself."

"I thought we were here to take care of each other." He rested a hand on Blair's knee, squeezing slightly.

His shaman turned to smile at him. "Yeah, we are. Thanks for reminding me."

"So you'll tell me, right?"

"Yes, Mom."

Blair had to dodge and scramble to get away from the attacking sentinel. "Hey, watch it! Don't injure the cook!"

The two men ended up in a laughing tangle of arms and legs. Jim pinned the smaller man beneath him. "I'll let you go when you apologize for that 'mom' crack."

Blair lay still beneath Jim's weight. Jim took a closer look at the man who had so recently been laughing and teasing him, and saw the trembling. "Shit." He watched helplessly as Blair's eyes rolled back in his head, and convulsions shook his body.

==|+|==|+|==|+|==

Blair stood naked in the jungle, near the Temple of the Sentinels. He turned slowly, looking for the reason why he was here. A voice came from behind him.

Welcome, Shaman of the Great City. Incacha stood at the edge of the clearing, naked but for a small loin cloth, his body painted with mysterious symbols. You have passed the tests: You were passed the Way. You have walked the spirit plane in search of answers, and have saved your sentinel's life.

Chopec warriors began appearing from the jungle growth. They approached Blair and began painting his body with symbols of power. A necklace of beads with a totem pouch was placed around his neck, and a head dress of feathers was placed on his head.

You now take your rightful place as shaman and guide at your sentinel's side. Guard him well. It is your life's duty.

"But, but," Blair stuttered. "I do not know what to do! I still do not know how to use this to protect him!"

Follow your heart, Shaman. Listen to the speaking of your soul. Do not try to deny your gift. Use it. Incacha began to fade, becoming ethereal, like smoke. Use it.

"Incacha!" Blair reached out toward the disappearing shaman. . . .

==|+|==|+|==|+|==

. . . and bumped into the solid muscle of Jim's chest. He opened his eyes, fighting to focus.

"God, Blair!" Jim had to restrain himself from shouting at the young man. "Don't do that to me! You scared ten years off my life! What did I say about telling me when you hurt?"

Blair reached a hand up to rest against Jim's cheek. Still struggling to focus his sight, he looked at the worried blue eyes. "Sorry, Jim. Didn't see that one coming." His eyes drooped shut again. Staying awake after a seizure was always a struggle.

"You're forgiven. Just don't do it again, dammit," Jim whispered, sitting up. Kneeling beside the somnolent man, he settled Blair into a more comfortable position to rest while he checked on the progress of their dinner.

Jim shook Blair awake forty-five minutes later. He pushed himself up, and brushed tangled hair from his eyes.

"Rise and shine." Jim grinned. "I was afraid you'd sleep through dinner. How are you feeling?"

"Good. I'm good," Blair said, still feeling a little confused. "Did I have another seizure?"

"What do you think?" Jim replied grimly. "You scared the shit out me. I was trying to wrestle an apology out of you for some wisecrack, and you just left. Gone. Phfffft!" He made a flighty wave of his hand. "Your body was here, but you weren't."

"How long?"

"Too damn long!" Jim shuddered at the memory.

"I'm sorry." Blair's voice was very soft. "I've been taking the pills, honest. I couldn't help it."

"I know, Chief. You don't have to apologize. I was just scared, that's all. I'll get over it." Jim began unwrapping the fish and potatoes and setting out their dinner.

"I saw Incacha."

"Really?" Jim's interest was piqued. "Did he say anything to you?"

Blair gazed at Jim with large blue eyes. "Yeah. He said I'd passed all the tests. I'm a true shaman now. He told me not to deny my gift, to use it."

"No." Jim shook his head in denial. "He can't mean the seizures. They're a curse, not a gift. He wouldn't ask that of you . . . of me."

A light began to dawn in the eyes of the younger man. "No, not a curse." He shook his head gently. "The visions saved your life, Jim. That's a blessing. If this is what I have to live with to guard you and keep you safe, it's a small price to pay."

"But I'm your Blessed Protector!" Jim argued, remembering a long-ago discussion after the case with David Lash.

"We protect each other," Blair corrected him. "It's my job as your guide to watch your back, to protect you from harm while you use your senses to protect the tribe. Besides," he added, "it's in my best interests to keep you alive."

"Why is that?" Jim asked, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"Who else could put up with me?" Blair chuckled. "I'm not ready to give up my posh living quarters and my Sugar Daddy."

"'Sugar Daddy'?" Jim leaned over the shorter man in mock menace. "Just what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Nothing." Blair held up his hands, palms out. "Just something I overheard down at the PD."

"And just who would make a comment like that?" Jim growled.

"Let it go, Jim," Blair soothed. "It didn't mean anything. Some people just have small minds." He turned to his plate and picked at the maple leaves still surrounding his trout filet. "Let's eat before the food gets cold."

"Mmmm. This is really good, Sandburg," Jim complimented as he broke off another succulent bite of fish.

"Told you," Blair mumbled around a mouthful of his own.

~~oO0Oo~~

"I think I'm going to turn in early," Jim commented, once they'd finished their meal and cleaned up the campsite. "All that hiking did me in. Guess I'm not quite one hundred percent yet."

Blair stirred the fire and added more wood. "Sounds like a plan. I think I'll stay up a little longer . . . watch the stars, or something."

"Okay. Good-night, then." Jim crawled into the tent and the comfort of his sleeping bag.

"'Night, Jim," Blair called after him.

Once alone, Blair stared into the fire. The leaping flames were mesmerizing. As he watched, he could almost see something--something moving at the periphery of his vision. He turned to look out into the dark, beyond the ring of firelight, but there was nothing. Only the rustle of the wind in the trees and the gentle lapping of the lake against the shore.

He stood, and walked to the edge of their camp, looking deeper into the darkness. After several minutes, he shook his head, certain his imagination was working overtime. He stoked the fire, making sure there was enough tinder to keep it burning through the night, and turned toward the tent.

As he pulled back the flap to enter, a keening howl broke the silence of the night. Blair shivered and crawled inside, zipping the door shut. He climbed into his sleeping bag, next to Jim, and let the other man's slow respiration lull him to sleep.

~~oO0Oo~~

"It was a wolf," Blair insisted over a breakfast of scrambled eggs and bacon.

"I didn't hear anything," Jim said, shrugging. "I wouldn't worry about it."

"Of course you didn't hear anything. You were asleep." Blair looked behind them at the imposing stand of trees. "I just think we ought to be a little careful."

"There's nothing wrong with being careful, just don't get paranoid on me." Jim shoveled in another mouthful of eggs. "Anything in particular you'd like to do today?"

Blair looked in the direction of the trail that led into the woods. "Yeah. You said there was an Alpine meadow about a mile from here. I thought I'd take a hike and check it out."

"I'll come with you."

"I wouldn't want you to overexert yourself," Blair said with some concern. "It's a pretty steep hike."

"Despite my recent injuries," Jim pointed out, "I have not become a total couch potato. The hike will do me good."

"If you're sure." Blair sounded unconvinced.

"I'm sure." Jim placed his empty plate in the bucket of water sitting next to the fire. "Let's do the dishes and get out of here for the day."

~~oO0Oo~~

The meadow was lush with grass and sprinkled with wild flowers. Blair hiked to the top of the hill and stretched out under the sun.

"This is nice. Thanks for telling me about it."

Jim came to sit beside his friend. "I like to come here when I need a little quiet time," he admitted. "It's peaceful, a rest for my soul."

"My, aren't we waxing poetic this morning." Blair smiled up at him.

"Don't get smart on me, Sandburg," Jim growled softly.

"Jim," Blair began, rolling onto his side to face the sentinel. "I've been thinking about last night."

"About the wolf?"

"Yeah. Think there's any significance to that?"

"Why? Because it's your spirit guide?" Jim asked. "These woods are known to have wolf packs. I wouldn't put any store into the mystical stuff."

"Jim," Blair began again, then paused.

"Yeah? Speak up, Chief," Jim prompted.

"My head hurts."

"Shit." Jim scooted closer to his partner. "When did this start?"

"During breakfast," Blair admitted.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"Didn't want to spoil the morning." Blair rolled onto his back again, staring up at the clear, blue sky.

"Why did you say something now, then?" Jim sidled closer, until he sat next to Blair's head. "Scoot yourself up and lay your head in my lap." Blair did as he was told, and Jim began to gently massage his temples.

"Oh, that feels good," Blair purred.

"You didn't answer the question, Darwin. Why did you bring it up now?" Jim's fingers massaged Blair's entire scalp, concentrating on the most tense muscles around his forehead and temples.

"'Cause if I didn't, and I had a seizure, you'd probably kill me."

"Damn straight," Jim confirmed, but his voice held no anger or resentment.

Blair sat up suddenly, pointing to the edge of the meadow. "Look!"

Standing at the tree line was a gray wolf. The strangely blue-eyed animal glanced their way, then trotted to the crest of a nearby hill.

"Wait here," Jim said, slipping out from under Blair and taking a few steps toward the beast. He turned, looking sternly at his friend. "I mean it. Wait here!"

Blair watched as Jim crested the small hill and stopped. Without warning, the other man disappeared from sight. Jim's shout of surprise mobilized his partner. Blair went running up the rise to stop barely in time to save himself from falling over the same cliff that had crumbled out from beneath the feet of his friend.

Jim lay at the bottom of a small ravine, at least twenty feet straight down.

"Jim! Jim! Are you all right?" Blair called down. Getting no answer, he swore softly. "Shit!" Crouching at the edge of the ravine, he tried to judge how difficult it would be to climb down. The cliff face was nearly vertical, so he quickly discarded that idea. "Hang on, Jim. I'll be right back," Blair called once more before heading back to their camp to find a rope.

==|+|==|+|==|+|==

Enqueri!

At the sound of the familiar voice, Jim turned. "Incacha! Old friend!" The men embraced enthusiastically before the Chopec shaman pulled back.

It is good to see you, again, my brother.

"And you, Incacha. It is great to see you again!" Jim looked around at the jungle, bathed in the eerie light that washed everything in shades of blue. "But why are we here?"

You are in need of understanding, his teacher replied. At Jim's puzzled look, he continued. Once you left the lands of the Chopec, you were on your own. When your senses finally began to overwhelm you, the spirit world sent you a guide. You have a new shaman now, Enqueri, a new guide to protect you. You must respect him for the equal that he is.

"Blair? He is a good kid, Incacha. He has even become my closest friend, but he is still a kid. I take him into dangerous situations he is not trained to deal with. It is my duty to protect him."

It is his duty as your shaman and guide to protect YOU, Incacha insisted. Your duty is to the tribe. His duty is to you. His visions guide him, help him to protect you and keep the tribe safe.

"His visions are the result of seizures! Those convulsions could be his death someday!"

You have never completely accepted your role as Sentinel of the Great City. You still try to deny your gifts, to suppress them, Incacha accused. Your shaman has embraced his gift. Now, he needs only your acceptance. You are a powerful team. You are protectors of your tribe. You are EQUALS. Treat your guide with the respect he has earned.

"But . . . " Jim stuttered, finally falling silent.

There are no 'buts', Enqueri. Remember the times you owed him your life. Remember the times he owed you his. He is a man, a shaman; powerful in his own right, with a gift equal to yours. Incacha began to morph into a black jaguar, then ran into the thick undergrowth of the jungle.

"Equals," Jim muttered as the whole vision began to fade.

==|+|==|+|==|+|==

A rope slithered down the cliff to dangle near Jim's hand. Opening his eyes, he clasped the lifeline, looking up at the determined face of the man who had dropped it to him.

"Hang on, Jim! I'm coming down!" Blair climbed over the edge of the rock face, hanging tight to the rope and to the first aid kit he'd brought along.

Jim admired the young man's courage. He knew Blair was afraid of heights, yet how many times had he overcome that fear to be with Jim? More times than the detective really wanted to acknowledge.

Blair dropped to his feet beside his fallen friend, checking with gentle hands for fractures or other serious injuries. "What happened? One minute you were following the wolf, the next minute you'd disappeared."

"The wolf vanished over this rise, and I followed. The lip of the cliff crumbled under my feet, and I couldn't catch myself in time." Jim brushed away the hand that was gently checking his bruised face, and sat up. "I'm fine, Sandburg. Got that rope secured?" At Blair's nod, he continued. "Then let's get out of here."

Jim started up the rope, with Blair anchoring the bottom for him. Once Jim had safely scrambled over the ledge to safety, Blair started up. He had more trouble climbing, but Jim's strength shortened the rope, and the next thing he knew, he was being pulled onto the soft grass.

"Thanks, man." Blair was breathing hard with the exertion of the climb. "You sure you're okay?"

"Just a few bumps and bruises . . . and a story to tell."

"Story?" Blair looked at him with curiosity.

Jim pulled his companion to his feet and dusted him off. "I'll tell you back at camp."

They arrived at camp as the sun was lowering in the west. Jim rekindled the fire, while Blair went through their supplies looking for something for their supper. Once both were settled, he turned to the sentinel.

"Well?"

"Well, what?" Jim asked, reluctant to explain his vision, despite having promised Blair the story.

Blair turned a disgusted look on him. "You know perfectly well what. You said you had a story to tell. I'm assuming there's more to this than just a spirit guide and a crumbling cliff face."

"When I was unconscious there in the ravine, I had a vision," Jim began. Blair turned rapt attention on his friend. "I saw Incacha. He had words for me."

"Words? What kind of words?"

"This isn't easy for me, Blair. You know I've always seen you as my responsibility," Jim explained.

"Yeah, I know," Blair agreed. "When we were first partnered up, I looked to you for protection. But Jim, we've moved beyond that. Once I became your guide, your shaman, all that changed."

"I know, but I didn't want to admit it. I couldn't bring myself to see that I needed you as much as you needed me." Jim sighed heavily, and took a sip of coffee to fortify himself. "Incacha pretty much had me by the balls over my attitude. He insisted you and I were equals, that your gift is an equal to my senses."

"Damn straight!" Blair affirmed.

"Yeah, well, Chief, things are going to change. I can't promise they'll change overnight, or that I'll never backslide, but I can promise that I'll do my best. You're not a kid anymore. You've proven that over and over. We're a team now: Sentinel and Shaman, the way it should be."

"The way it was meant to be," Blair echoed. "Forever."

To be continued in Blessed Protector...

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