Happy Birthday Mrs. Fish

Warning: Death fic. Explains events that lead to actions of the episode Existence.

Thanks to Chad for wonderful cheerleading and beta:)

Alex Krycek had heard of Knowle Rohrer. He was a man who was hard to miss, even in an organization as wide spread as the Consortium. He was six foot four. Who could miss him? What Alex didn’t like were the assholes who teased him that Rohrer was his older brother. Okay, so they both had dark hair and were tall but, outside of that, their similarities ended.

The need for some members of the Consortium to treat it like some continual college fraternity was downright ridiculous in Alex's eyes. These were paid assassins and thugs. Many stayed together in lodgings similar to a college dorm. That was why Alex always stayed in an apartment far removed from the hangouts of the Consortium gang. When he left college, he had hoped to leave behind such childish behavior. Like Peter Pan, some guys never grew up.

After working with Knowle a few times in several projects, Alex began to respect the man for his physical strength. The man was no slouch. When Alex daydreamed of feeling that body over his, he knew he was in trouble.

The Consortium could care less about their underlings' sexuality. There were far more important things to concentrate on. That was one good thing about the Consortium. Alex could date whom he wanted without fear of persecution. He still remained cautious around men whom he wasn’t certain about. And he wasn’t too sure about Knowle, though he definitely wanted to find out if the man was open about dating a man or not. Alex had dated a few men who weren’t interested in him sexually; they just wanted to spend time with him as a friend. Having a close relationship wasn’t common in their line of work. Even the college dorm buddies as he called them were distrustful of each other to a certain extent. If Knowle wanted to be with him just as a friend, he could do that.

He was very surprised when one day he heard a knock and Knowle stood there at his door. Knowle smiled and said, "Hi, I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime."

"Sure, I'd love that." Alex returned the smile, loving the way the other man's eyes lit up when he smiled.

"Tomorrow at eight, dinner at Tony's then the latest Spielberg movie?"

"Sounds wonderful."

"I'll see ya then, Alex."

"See ya."

Alex closed the door, his heart pounding. ‘God the man is gorgeous! Please let him be open to extreme possibilities,’ he whined to himself. Every once in a while one of those straight dates turned into a short session of mutual masturbation. He would love to masturbate with Knowle, if that was all the other man wanted.

He suddenly realized he was hard as a rock and he wondered if he could move. He made it to the bathroom where he unzipped to give his erection some breathing room.

Damn, Knowle had him this hard and he’d just asked him out, he wondered what the man would do to him in bed. He bit his lip, wondering why he was doing this to himself. He began to slowly jerk off, imagining just exactly what that big man would feel like on top of him, below him, inside him…he came into the toilet, panting his release.

After regaining his composure and cleaning himself up, he went to lie down in bed, but all he could see were images of Knowle in various positions. He wondered if he could make it through dinner and the movie without coming in his pants.

He made it through the next day, seemingly fine, though he was prone to daydreaming about his newfound obsession.

"Get your mind off your dick, Alex," growled his trainer.

He straightened up as best he could and tried his best to keep his mind on what the man was saying. After his lessons he rushed home. No way would he be late for Knowle.

He took a shower, though he didn’t really need it and prepared himself, though he had no idea if he would even be taking his clothes off at any point that night. The intriguing possibility was there and he wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to show his interest to the man.

When Knowle finally arrived, Alex was nervous. He thought surely the likelihood of coming in his pants was minimal but when he saw that man, his cock had to sit up and say hello. He just hoped he wouldn’t ruin this evening if the man didn’t want him.

Knowle smiled warmly after Alex greeted him.

"You look nice."

That innocent comment had Alex blushing furiously and didn’t dampen his very interested cock one bit.

"So do you," he managed to say.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," he breathed, more deeply than he intended.

Knowle had a beautiful car, a Toyota Supra, a red sports car. Alex was in love.

"Like it?" asked Knowle, noting the glazed look in those amazing green eyes.

"Fuck, yeah."

"Maybe later I'll let you take her for a spin."

"You would?"

Knowle nodded, loving the childish glee that transformed Alex's face.

In the restaurant, Alex flirted with Knowle continuously. The other man just smiled politely, warming Alex's heart. If he didn’t like men, he would have at least teased Alex.

When they left for the movie, it was a sure thing. Alex was getting laid tonight. No question.

In the darkened theater, Knowle's arm wrapped around Alex's shoulders and in a matter of seconds their mouths were connected and they lost all interest in the action going on above them on the silver screen.

Alex pulled away to breathe and grinned at the dazed look on Knowle's face.

"Want to continue this at my apartment?"

Knowle just nodded his head. Alex grabbed his hand and led him out of the theater.

Before he had opened the door, they were pressed together as if their lives depended on the other's breath to keep alive. Alex scrambled to open the lock as he moaned feeling the bulge in the other man's pants pressing hard against his hip. The man was hung. Damn, this was going to be so good.

When he finally pushed the door open, they tumbled inside and Alex shut the door with his foot, pulling off his shirt quickly. Knowle followed his suit and was standing there topless. Alex stopped to stare at the acres of muscular alabaster in his field of vision. He swallowed hard.

"Fuck, you look like a Greek statue!"

Knowle grinned, taking it as a compliment.

"And you are beautiful."

Alex blushed, hating the fact his whole neck and upper chest reddened as well.

"Oh boy, now you're a work of art."

"Stop!" Alex admonished but grinned widely.

Knowle pounced on him, pulling Alex to his chest and kissing him thoroughly. Alex ran his hands all over the broad expanse of the other man's back, feeling the power held in check. Alex noticed he was humming as his tongue played with Knowle's; he was a great kisser.

Knowle shivered when Alex hummed. The beautiful man was delicious. He wanted more. He let a hand run down to Alex's belt buckle, wanting to taste and feel him all over.

He'd heard rumors about Alex Krycek before he was ever properly introduced to him; his reputation preceded him. What Knowle hadn’t been told about was his looks. He was sex on two legs and then some. Meeting Krycek for the first time, Knowle wanted to get to know him better. If it meant only getting to know Alex in the sheets that would be fine with him, but Knowle wanted more than just sex. He would just have to see how the other man felt first before he let his feelings be known.

Alex decided he would reciprocate and opened those tight jeans. He definitely wanted to see what was under the clothes. He pulled away to kick off his own jeans then pull down Knowle's. When his face was at crotch level with the other man's tighty whiteys he gasped.

"Oh man, is this all for me?"

Knowle grinned down at the mischievous green eyes.

"All for you, baby."

Without further ado, Alex pulled open the y-fronts and took out the now dripping erection. He had to grasp the base before even trying to deep throat the big thing.

Knowle had to bite his lip to keep from coming when Alex touched him. Though a very naughty desire crept up on him…coming all over that beautiful face was a huge temptation. But that thought was swept away when Alex's mouth covered the head of Knowle's cock, tasting and swallowing.

"Oh, god, Alex…" moaned Knowle.

Knowle's hands gripped Alex's hair, loving the silky strands caressing his skin as Alex's mouth sucked him. He groaned loudly when Alex relaxed his throat. Knowle could control the fucking. Feeling no teeth at all was pure heaven.

"Oh baby, baby, baby…" Knowle started a litany that continued as he thrust in and out of that very hot and wet mouth.

Alex's hands were running up and down those long legs, then they slipped back to grip that amazing ass, using it as leverage to take over the fucking. When his fingers slipped under the underwear to tease the curves of flesh and what they hid, Knowle's eyes closed, he knew he wouldn’t last long with those long fingers playing with him.

Alex teased the sensitive flesh of Knowle's backside as his tongue teased the underside of the other man's cock. Knowle gasped then seized up when a knowing finger slid inside him. He cried out as he came.

"Oh, damn, Alex. I don’t know if I can top that."

Alex smiled up at the completely sated Knowle, licking his lips.

"Come on. Let's take this to the bedroom."

Knowle slipped off his underwear and stared at the sight of Alex draped over the bed, his cock at attention.

"What a beauty. I think I will definitely taste you first."

Knowle settled down beside Alex, running a hand down the hard abdomen until the hardened cock caught his hand, which he gripped, then bent and licked up one side. Alex shivered.

Knowle then licked down the other side. Alex was getting impatient. He began to wriggle.

Knowle just smiled as he moved down to lick Alex's tempting balls. The other man sighed, loving to have his balls licked but felt his cock was being neglected. When that amazing tongue lapped behind his scrotum, Alex gasped, his cock throbbed and he had to grab himself.

"I think I should give this guy a test drive. What ya think, Alex?" Knowle asked playfully.

Alex's eyes widened. "Fuck, yeah!"

He noticed Knowle looking around, and he said, "In my wallet."

Alex eagerly reached over to grab the lube he hid under his pillow and smiled when Knowle bent over to search his discarded pants pockets.

When Knowle found what he was looking for, Alex had a devilish gleam in his eye. Knowle returned the grin on Alex's face, wondering only a bit if he should worry.

"C'mere."

No way would Knowle hedge after given such a seductive command. He turned his derriere to Alex who proceeded to kiss Knowle's luscious bubble butt. When Alex teased the crease of Knowle's ass, he moaned.

Alex slicked his fingers hurriedly then ran them over Knowle's opening after pulling the cheeks apart. Knowle's legs were trembling. He didn’t know if he could keep this position for much longer.

Alex quickly scissored open his fingers into Knowle's backside, preparing him. Knowle then stood up and said, "I'm ready."

Alex lifted his brows but went along with the man. Knowle opened the condom package and slid it on, running his fingers teasingly along Alex's shaft. Alex slicked up Knowle's fingers. Those fingers then slicked the gloved cock expertly. Alex held himself as Knowle got into position, his knees on either side of Alex's thighs. Then Knowle eased down slowly, letting Alex help guide him down onto the rigid erection.

Knowle winced a moment but then continued to fully sit on the cock sliding inside him. When his ass touched Alex's thighs, he paused to adjust to the thickness and pressure. Alex looked on heavy-lidded; a slight smile graced his pretty mouth. He then ran a lazy hand over the large thighs and calves on either side of him.

Knowle's cock twitched then he lifted those big muscled legs up, causing Alex to moan as Knowle squeezed his internal muscles just right. Alex gripped Knowle's lean hips as he slid back down. Sweat poured off them both at this slow, sensuous lovemaking. Alex's thoughts skittered over that word. It was way too soon to say that four letter word.

Then Knowle bent and Alex reached up to kiss the offered mouth. Pulling away to continue riding Alex, he squeezed just right at a certain point and Alex cried out as he came, holding on tightly to the wriggling hips.

Knowle stared down in amazement when Alex passed out for a moment. He knew asking Alex out was the right decision. Alex was a great piece of ass as he'd heard but the people saying that failed to mention how this assassin seemed perfect for a relationship, which is exactly what Knowle wanted.

When Alex's cock slid from him, he carefully maneuvered himself off the spent body. Looking down at the unconscious man, he remembered how many had told him to stay away from Alex because underneath the beauty was a very hard nut to crack. Well, Knowle had no intentions on cracking this one. He wanted to get to know this odd mixture of beauty and skill. From the moment he saw Alex, Knowle knew he wanted him. Knowle would do whatever it took to keep bringing that wonderful side out of Alex.

****

Alex woke to a warm snuggled body next to him, a blanket wrapped around them, and a big smile on his face. It had been a long time since he felt such joy with being with someone.

This man was a definite keeper. Alex would do whatever it took to keep Knowle in his life. He had been too many times down the short, fast torrid affair road; he needed a change of scenery.

The fact the sex was a bonus was just something he'd have to live with. He smiled, bent down and kissed that gorgeous face awake.

"Good morning, sexy."

Knowle smiled, blinking awake.

"What a wonderful sight to wake up to," murmured Knowle sleepily.

Alex returned the smile, though he felt a bit self-conscious. He replied, "I felt the same way when I woke up with you in my arms."

"Such a romantic," Knowle observed.

They kissed softly at first then more passionately. In a matter of moments, their sweaty bodies were entwined and their hard cocks slid against each other frantically.

"Wanna do this?" Knowle asked when he could get a breath.

"Oh yeah, we can clean up in the shower together."

Knowle smiled, kissing Alex's neck while he continued to hump against the sleek, toned body of his lover. The silky slide of their sweat-slickened skin sent electric shivers through Knowle. The man in his arms was too wonderful to ever let go. He would make sure that Alex was his and only his before he left.

Alex flung back his head, giving Knowle more access to lick, tease and nibble on his neck.  The large man moving so deliciously above him was driving him mad with lust. He wondered if he would be able to feel his dick after this. On second thought, he didn’t mind a bit. Just then he felt Knowle's teeth sink into his flesh and he cried as he came, making a smoother ride for Knowle who came shortly afterwards. They stilled for a moment then moved apart, not wanting to stick together as they cooled down.

"Oh man, we are way too funky," Knowle stated the obvious.

Alex snickered. "C'mon, let's take that shower."

Knowle offered his hand and Alex took it, letting the other man pull him into his arms to kiss him before leading them both into the bathroom.

After adjusting the temperature just right for them both, Knowle grabbed the soap to clean his lover. Alex purred softly as Knowle soaped his body up. It was very relaxing and enjoyable. Knowle smiled, loving the sensual sounds emanating from the man in his arms.

Alex felt like a wet noodle the way he melted into Knowle's caresses. It had been a long time since he shared such an intimate moment with another man. He let Knowle pull him into his arms as he laid his head on Knowle's wide chest as those long arms reached around to clean his back and his ass. Alex shut his eyes, feeling strangely connected to the man who held him. When a teasing soapy finger slid along the crease of his ass, he grinned.

"Trying to seek a fortune?" Alex joked.

"I'm sure paradise is there, awaiting me."

Alex snorted.

"Go for it."

It was Knowle's turn to grin widely. Letting his soapy fingers trail along the outside of Alex's opening, he rubbed his hardening cock against a wet, warm hip.

"Your engine needs a little cranking, huh?" Alex half slid down Knowle's body to reach that slow rising cock with his mouth. A few skillful moves with his tongue and he had lift off.

Alex rose and turned, bracing his hands against the shower tiles and jutting out his ass to give Knowle access to him.

Knowle ran his hands over the sleek skin before him, mesmerized for a moment. He smirked when Alex wiggled his ass, a little impatient.

"I know you're hot for it, lover, but I like to make sure." Knowle bent down and ran his tongue along the crease, tasting Alex and a bit of soap.

Alex gasped when that warm wet tongue slid between his spread backside. He could never get used to the initial feel of someone's tongue on him. His legs became jellified with the sensual slide of that tongue across his very sensitive skin.

Knowle pulled away to say, "Damn, forgot to bring a condom."

Alex banged his head against the tile in frustration. "Wait; there should be one behind the mirror…"

Knowle rushed from the shower, grabbed the condom behind the mirror, nearly fell and broke his neck when he pulled back the shower curtain but landed just nicely into Alex's arms.

"My Olympic fucker," Alex zinged.

Knowle grinned. "Yeah, I'll jump through hoops to fuck your sweet ass."

"My kinda guy." They kissed sweetly; Alex did his best not to puke at the sweetness of it all, and took the condom, ripped it open and slid it over the other man’s still rigid flesh. Knowle moaned as those long fingers slid over his encased cock.

Alex turned away from him and bent, hands pressed firmly against the shower tiles, ass jutting provocatively. Knowle couldn’t stop running his hands over the lovely toned body in front of him. Alex felt like he was being petted.

"Does this look like a petting zoo, Knowle?" Alex teased.

"Mmmh, yeah, you're my pet tiger and I want to play with you until you purr."

"Think you can get me to purr, huh?"

"Oh yeah, at least twice."

Alex snorted but said, "No time like the present…."

He wiggled his ass and felt a wet finger probing him.

"I'm so ready for you, baby."

He sighed when he felt the tip of Knowle's cock touch him. He looked over his shoulder and said, "You know, there is room for more…."

Knowle laughed. "Who's getting fucked and who's doing the fucking?"

"I hope to God I do get fucked…" Alex began but shut up abruptly when Knowle slammed into him, hitting his prostate.

"Oh yeah! That's the way."

Knowle pulled Alex to him, running his hand across the sleek wet torso; he tweaked the hard buds under his fingertips.

Alex leaned his head back against Knowle's shoulder and sighed as the other man petted him and punched in and out of his ass, holding on to Alex's right hip.

Yep, Alex thought, he could certainly get used to this type of lo-fucking.

Knowle's hand grasped Alex's jaw and moved Alex's face towards his own. He kissed those soft parted lips that panted with each of his thrusts inside the beautiful man.

They continued to kiss as Knowle fucked him, Alex wasn't even aware he was bent like a pretzel, too caught up in playing with Knowle's tongue and the amazing sensations of that long cock sliding in and out of him. When he felt the head of his own cock slide deliciously along the warmed tiles, Alex pulled away from sucking Knowle's tongue to gasp as he came.

Not stopping once as Alex tightened around him almost painfully; Knowle continued to pump inside the clenching heat as he reached around to grasp the spurting cock. His fingers teased the ejaculating cock, keeping it hard.

"Oh fuck!" gasped Alex, knowing full well what Knowle's intentions were. "I'm too old…."

"Nonsense."

Alex couldn’t argue with that and groaned as Knowle's fingers teased his cock from ebbing tide to full monsoon. In moments he cried out as he came once more, less copiously, causing his legs to shake.

"You are so amazing, my love." Knowle nibbled on Alex's ear.

When Alex felt that long cock still sliding in and out of him, he gasped.  "Eat your Wheaties today?"

Knowle chuckled softly then grabbed a hold of Alex's lean hips and started to pound into the pliant flesh. In no time he was crying out his release.

The water had long since cooled off, so after only a momentary pause, Knowle turned off the shower and just held Alex in his arms. When they shivered, Alex groaned. "I have to call in."

Knowle replied, "Me too."

They left the shower slowly, not willing to start the day finding out about new work for them to do. They dried each other languidly, giving each other kisses or caresses. Then Alex dressed and called in, letting Knowle wear a t-shirt and sweats that fit him.

Alex put the phone down. "I gotta go, Knowle."

Knowle nodded and called in himself. When he hung up, he sighed. "Me too, babe."

They kissed once more quickly then Knowle let himself out.

*****

The next few weeks, Alex was kept busy but he would come across Knowle once in a while. They couldn’t keep their eyes off each other and it became apparent to all that worked with them that they were together.

Alex wasn’t sure if it was respect for Knowle, who was considered one of the best men of the younger Consortium members, or what, but none of the 'frat boys' bothered him. Alex knew very well the possibility that they had been warned away was very likely. The Elders liked to set examples to the youngsters. They were all well aware of the consequences of upsetting one of the Elders.

Whenever they could, Alex or Knowle would call the other, speaking of their desire to be together. Once in a while, they would meet somewhere and spend a night or day, never longer than that. He finished up his project but Knowle was still out working and Alex hoped he would see Knowle soon.

One day, as he sat quietly eating his lunch, Knowle burst into his apartment. He stared up into the wild eyes of his boyfriend.

"What's up?"

"I have to go away on a mission -- a very dangerous one. I insisted I have a chance to spend some time with you before I left."

"Oh damn… but at least we get to be together, right?" Alex asked, not sure if he liked the idea of Knowle being away with no way to contact him. It was always the case with the dangerous ones.

"We only have tonight."

Alex sighed. Another sad effect of the dangerous missions.

Alex went to Knowle and they held each other. They did that all night, just had dinner together then they held each other all night, kissing and caressing as much as possible.

The next day, when Knowle had to leave, Alex marked him, giving him a love bite at the junction of his shoulder and neck.

"To remember me."

"I will never forget you, Alex."

They kissed once more deeply and lovingly and Alex almost kicked himself at his sappy behavior, but the feelings surging in him were too strong to hide. Knowle smiled at Alex's pensive look and said, "I know that you may not feel the same, but I have to tell you, I'm falling in love with you, Alex Krycek."

Without waiting for a reply, Knowle just left. Alex stared after him a bit shell shocked.

*****

Alex kept himself busy, not wanting to dwell on his lover being away on a mission. He couldn’t stop that word now. Knowle was his lover and he couldn’t deny it.

Alex was falling in love and part of him was thrilled and another part fearful. He hated feeling so uncertain and when he felt vulnerable, he was miserable. It wasn't that he doubted Knowle's love for him. He had no reason to believe that Knowle wasn't telling him the truth when he said he was falling in love with him. That wasn't the problem for Alex. It was just hard for him to feel worthy of Knowle's love.

These feelings of inadequacy started when he first trusted someone to share his feelings with and that person had outright rejected him. He knew that Knowle craved his attention, his love, his presence, but he couldn't help but irrationally feel that if he shared that love, he would be rejected.

He wanted to say this to Knowle, to share his fears and irrational mistrust with him. The fact Knowle was unreachable now just made the matter even more imperative to Alex. He would have to tell his lover soon or he'd never be able to tell him.

Luckily, the very next day, he was called away on a mission himself. That kept him busy nearly for a month, but when he returned, Knowle still hadn't reappeared. He became depressed and listless after trying to find information and getting nowhere. People either didn’t know or they couldn’t tell him. He was so upset. He stayed holed up in his apartment on the off chance Knowle would contact him. He kept having nightmares that his lover was already dead and no one had even the decency to let him know. He was about to call the man whom he felt certain had rejected him when he heard the door open.

"Alex?"

Alex ran to the front door. There standing beside the closed door was Knowle. He looked so beautiful; it hurt to look at him. Alex slammed him against the door and started kissing him all over his face.

"I thought you were dead!" he finally was able to gasp out.

"Oh god, Alex. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to contact you."

Knowle's hands were rubbing all over Alex's body as if trying to see if he had any broken bones.

"I missed you so much, Knowle. So much that I - I finally realized how much you mean to me."

"Oh, Alex. You mean so much to me to. I love you."

Alex sighed. "Fuck! I want to tell you - tell you the same thing, Knowle, but it's hard for me. Something happened to me that fucked me over so much that I didn’t think I could ever feel love again."

"I don’t want you to say it until you're ready, Alex."

"I - I am ready, dammit. I'm so ready…but I need to tell you something first."

Knowle just looked attentive then Alex sighed and began.

"I didn’t think I could fall in love when I met this guy. I had been with both men and women far better looking than he, but it wasn’t his looks that attracted me in the first place. It was his drive; his need to find what he had been looking for most of his life. I admired that so much that I soon realized I felt more than just admiration for him. At first we were nothing more than fuck buddies. No strings and we both were very happy that way, until I wanted more.

When I finally told him my feelings, he didn’t scoff at them; he just said that he couldn’t return my feelings. It hurt, it hurt so badly. It was the first time I had been rejected at anything, and all I had asked was for him to share his feelings. It wasn’t as if I had ever declared my love for another person before. Sure, I had said I loved someone just to get in their pants but that was it.

I know now the man, being who he was, didn’t have the time for more than what we were for each other. I was naive then and I couldn’t see anything but that he had rejected me. I felt so upset, first with myself then with him. I was certain he was really in love with another person so I ran off and never went back to him again. It was a stupid mistake and I regretted it once I learned that he hadn’t rejected me at all. It was mostly the situation. I -- it was Agent Mulder…."

Knowle's eyes widened. "That *was* a risky relationship."

"Yes, that’s why he felt he couldn’t be more for me at that time. I was his partner and that was it. Just because we sucked each other off once in a while didn’t mean it was love. I just wanted it to be.

For the longest time after that, though, I didn’t trust anyone to share my true feelings and I never did. I didn’t want anyone to get close to me. When you told me you thought you were falling in love with me, it scared me and delighted me at the same time. The fact you shared your feelings first helped, though."

Knowle smiled. "Thanks for sharing that with me, Alex. I want you to feel like you can trust me, because you can. I love you so much."

They kissed and when Alex laid his head upon Knowle's broad chest he murmured, "I love you, too."

They held each other for a long while until Knowle's stomach growled. They laughed and Alex said, "Come on, I want to make you a big dinner."

He had a steak thawing and cooked it with onions and green peppers then made mashed potatoes and green beans. Knowle wolfed it down. Alex knew very well he couldn’t have much time during the mission for a good home cooked meal.

"That was delicious. Now can I have some loving?" Knowle asked with a big grin. Alex grinned back.

"Of course."

He moved over to Knowle's chair, pulled the big man back, chair and all, and straddled his lap. Knowle cupped the denim-covered ass with his big hands and pressed Alex to him.

"Mmm, what a handful."

They kissed, slowly caressing their tongues together, relearning every nuance of each other's mouths. Alex rocked his hips just right, rubbing their stiffening denim covered crotches together.

Knowle hummed, enjoying the sensation but he pulled back to say, "I wanna feel your sexy body against mine."

Alex scrambled up and they both quickly rushed into the bedroom, their hands trying to stay touching each other. Once in the room, they struggled out of their clothes quickly as they kissed and nipped their lips and faces as much as possible.

Alex then lay in the bed, sprawled out, waiting for his lover.

"You're so beautiful." Knowle ran one hand over the alabaster skin before him. Alex smiled; he loved being touched by the other man.

"You are too," Alex murmured as he sat up to grasp the fully erect cock bobbing up to meet his hand.

Knowle sighed as his lover's fingers caressed over his rigid flesh. After a moment though he said, "That's so good, Alex, but I want to feel your body…."

Alex moved his hand away reluctantly. Knowle put his knees on the bed, bent and kissed his lover's sweet lips. As they kissed, he leaned down, pushing Alex back so he could lie fully on top of his lover. Then he started to move, keeping some of his weight off of Alex as he caressed his body against his lover's. Such sensual movements were so thrilling to them both and they continued as their tongues played.

At some point Knowle switched their positions with Alex atop him so his hands could run down the long smooth back, teasing the flesh with his fingernails. He pulled away from his lover's mouth to nip at his chin and his cheek before tasting that sweet hot mouth again.

Alex finally pulled away to gasp, "Make love to me, Knowle."

Knowle smiled. "Anything for you."

Knowle maneuvered himself back atop Alex. He kissed him softly once more before looking into those deep green eyes before moving his mouth down to the long neck. He nuzzled for a bit before biting an earlobe causing Alex to gasp. The other man was certain he told Knowle to make love to him not eat him alive...he decided he could live with that and moaned when Knowle's teeth teased the pulse point in his neck. Alex's right hand came up and ran through the short-cropped hair as Knowle's mouth trailed down Alex's clavicle. When Knowle's tongue lapped across his chest to Alex's right nipple, he teased and lapped at a hard bud until Alex began to pant. Knowle then kissed his way to the other side and teased the other bud. Alex's whole body was electrified with sensuous pleasure and the other man had just begun to play with his body.

Knowle stopped for a moment, looked up at the flushed face of his lover and grinned widely. "You make me so happy, Alexander Krycek."

Alex smiled back, his eyelids heavy with lust. He pulled his lover down to him and kissed him passionately.

"Fuck me, Knowle. I want you inside me," he demanded.

Those passion-glazed eyes were hard to ignore so Knowle did as he was commanded. Alex took the lube under his pillow and tossed it to Knowle after he'd found a condom in the bedside table. Alex titled his hips and thrust the pillow underneath his ass then laid back, his thighs spread. Knowle's mouth went dry at the gorgeous sight before him. He had to pause to calm himself or he would have just taken the man without any prep.

Alex's breath was heavy, his chest rising up and down as if he had been in a race. His upper chest and face flushed and his whole body was covered in a layer of sweat. Knowle knew he had never seen a more beautiful sight before in his life and he was so happy that he would again. He would just have to make certain of it.

He bent and kissed the knee closest to him then opened the condom with shaking hands. He slid it on his erect cock, hissing. He had to hold his balls for a moment then slicked himself. Taking the excess lube, he swiped down between the other man's spread legs, noticing Alex close his eyes as he did so. He wanted to tease the beautiful man some more but knew he wouldn't last long if he did. He knelt down between those alabaster thighs and wrapped those long legs around his waist.

Alex clenched his legs, pulling Knowle's gloved erection closer to him. "Now."

That simple command put Knowle in motion. He held open the tight ass cheeks with his thumbs as his cock slid down just at the entrance, then he slammed inside hard. Alex yelped. He froze for a moment but Alex growled: "Move!"

Knowle quickly slid further inside the tight heat and moaned once he was fully seated. He reveled in the feel of the warm body under his and smiled when Alex, upset that he had stopped again, clamped down on him hard.

An evil demon inside Knowle decided he would tease the fuck out of his lover and slowly pulled out then just as slowly pushed back in. Alex, seeing the demon in his lover's dark blue eyes, decided this was war. No way would his lover tease him until he passed out. He would just have to fight fire with fire. He squeezed around the gloved cock inside him while playing with his nipples. Knowle bit his lip, seeing the green eyes blaze with mischievous desire. This would be one hard knockdown, drag-out fuck.

Knowle decided to pull some punches of his own and bent down, angling his cock just right and thrusting hard. Alex writhed against him when Knowle hit his prostate hard. In retaliation, Alex grabbed his lover's face and half bit the other man's lips as he sucked on his tongue.

Knowle pulled away from the sucking mouth and held those hair-pulling fingers down from his scalp. He put all his weight into holding Alex's wrists down to the bed while he slowly rocked his hips, sliding his cock slowly in and out of the gripping heat.

Alex's eyes rolled back in his head and he sighed as his back arched to meet his lover's big body. Knowle nearly came from the sexy look of the man underneath him, but he bit his lip and continued thrusting in and out of his lover. This time he rocked in a quick plunging motion so he could feel his lover's sweaty body slide against his own. When his abdomen slid over Alex's rock hard leaking erection, Alex cried out. Knowle's hands slid under the arched back for more leverage and began to pound away, making sure to touch that spot inside his lover as much as possible.

Alex's hands, now freed, pulled Knowle down for one more kiss before he wailed inside his lover's mouth as he came.

Knowle lost his rhythm as Alex's muscles contracted around his cock and he thrust once or twice more before he stiffened and came. He lay bonelessly atop Alex for a good long moment. They both were senseless, not aware of anything but their pounding heartbeats and their heavy breathing.

"Oh god (puff) that was so good (puff)," Alex murmured, gasping for air.

Knowle finally moved, grasping the condom as he pulled out of his lover. The air became cool after being so hot and sweaty and Alex pulled the covers over himself. Knowle went to clean himself up then came back to clean up his lover, who protested when Knowle pulled back the covers.

"Come on, I know you don’t want to wash dried cum from your belly."

Alex sighed his acquiescence and Knowle cleaned up his lover, careful around Alex's sensitive penis.

After returning from cleaning out the hand towel, he crawled in behind his lover's curled up body and pulled him close. He nuzzled the back of Alex's neck and murmured, "I love you so much."

Alex whispered, "Me too," before drifting off to sleep.

****

Alex woke to the feeling of his lover's arms holding him tight and he smiled. He noticed that it was still dark outside so he rose slowly to glance at the clock radio on his bedside table. The big arm of his lover was in the way though, so he gently moved it to the side and saw that it was 5:08AM. They had fallen asleep way too early last night…or at least he had.

He looked down at his still sleeping lover and smiled. He couldn’t believe that this big bruiser of a guy loved him. It was kinda funny in a way. He normally went for the smaller, lithe types than the big and bulky. He sighed wistfully as he recalled the way Mulder looked when he was aroused and sweaty and eager for him. He shook his head. Didn’t matter, Mulder was out of his life for good now. It was always his quest that got in the way. No way could Alex compete with that. No matter how good he sucked cock.

He rose slowly from the bed and padded quietly to the bathroom. When he returned he pulled up a chair and watched his lover sleep. Knowle had scars on his face that made him look harder than he was. Alex knew how gentle and loving the man truly was. Alex's heart swelled at knowing this man was his, only his. He had to ensure that Knowle would love him forever. Whatever it took, Alex would give him.

He smiled when the man stirred. Knowle reached over to where Alex would've been sleeping and frowned. He opened his eyes and saw Alex staring at him with a soft smile from a chair.

"Good morning, beautiful."

Alex's smiled widened. "You look so much younger when you sleep, Knowle."

"That's because I'm dreaming about you, lover."

Alex grinned then tackled his lover. Knowle whooped and easily pinned the other man to the bed and kissed him. They teased each other's mouths with their lips and tongues, nipping at the soft flesh.

"My big, strong lover. Are you going to ravish me?" Alex asked teasingly while running his hands over the broad back of his lover.

Knowle snorted. "Maybe I want you to ravish me this time."

"Mmm, I think I'm the man for the job."

"I hope so. Don’t see anyone else lined up for it."

Alex growled, "There better not be."

"Possessive, huh?" Knowle asked.

"Oh yeah, buddy. I told you I love you and that means you're mine and no one else's."

Knowle pretended to contemplate that, "OK," then grinned. Alex didn’t smile and that made Knowle pause.

"What is it, Alex? You know I'm only teasing. I love you and want only you in my life."

Alex nodded. "I believe you, Knowle. I was just thinking…about us being on separate missions. Do you think the Elders would be upset if I insisted that we were a team?"

Knowle pulled away. "I can't imagine they would have a problem with that, Alex. Are you sure that’s what you want?"

"Yes, I'm very sure."

"Then I will ask them. I seem to get along well with many of them."

Alex smiled. "Good. I'm one of the Elders' irritants I'm afraid. I hope they don’t think badly of you because of me."

"Never." He pulled Alex to him and kissed him gently. "I think they would think better of me for loving you."

"Yeah, right."

Knowle kissed his lover to distract him but soon he was lying flat on his back after being flipped by Alex who proceeded to love him completely.

*****

A few days later, after Knowle had talked with the Elders, Alex was surprised when Knowle informed him that the Elders had no problem with assigning them to the same missions. He said he didn’t even have to plead his case. The fact they were allies instead of enemies was considered a boon to the Consortium rather than a hindrance.

"Yeah, with the two of us, they can conquer the world."

Knowle smiled in agreement.

*****

Their first assignment together was boring, keeping track of a man who was either a spy or a government agent, but at least it gave them plenty of time to be together as often as they could. They would meet in a hotel, in a car, and one time in an elevator. Alex was so thrilled to share his work time with his lover. It almost seemed like the relationship he had wanted with Mulder but that hadn't panned out. Mulder was way too busy with his truth and his quest. Alex didn’t blame him for it now; he just had been terribly hurt by it then.

Going in to see their superiors with his lover by his side, both of them reeking of each other, never seemed to bother them. All Alex could see was that he had finally lucked out and his lover was well respected in the Consortium for his abilities. Alex was on cloud nine. Nothing could go wrong. Everything was at it should be. He was intensely happy for the first time in his life and he couldn’t be more thrilled.

Their second assignment was rather dangerous. They couldn’t get together at all. Alex spent the whole time worrying about Knowle when he wasn’t looking after his own ass. By the time the assignment was over, Alex refused to get out of Knowle's sight. He would go everywhere with him, to the gym, to the store, to the Jiffy Lube.

Knowle became a bit cramped but never complained once, understanding his lover was compensating for their time spent apart in a dangerous assignment. Alex would constantly seek affection; hugs, kisses and Knowle gave him whatever he needed. There were times Alex realized what he was doing and backed off for a bit, but then he'd go back to being with his lover constantly.

One day they got a call that Knowle had to go on an assignment, but under no circumstances was Alex to go. Alex was frantic. He begged and pleaded his lover to bring him along anyway but Knowle refused so he got up the nerve to call the Elders, asking if he could go along. They also refused. Alex was devastated. He stayed with his lover non-stop while Knowle waited for the go ahead for him to leave.

"You will come back to me, right?"

"Of course, Alex. I will, I promise."

"I love you."

"I know. I love you too."

They kissed, made love, and the next day, Knowle was gone.

Alex refused to mope; instead, he was given an assignment of his own. He had thought he would never have to see the palm pilot again, but that was what was given to him. He had to be in the presence of AD Skinner, a man who, under different circumstances, he would have liked to have been his mentor. He had needed someone like that in his life when he was green and naive. They were way beyond that now. He didn’t know how the older man would react to him, but he was a professional and knew what had to be done. Seeing Mulder in the hospital, he almost quit the assignment, but knowing his love for Knowle, he did what he had to do.

Within a few weeks after that assignment, he was ordered to return to the FBI. This also involved Skinner, but this time he was given special instructions. He had to go along with another subterfuge, a role he was very well at playing.

"Alex, there is someone you have to beware of. He is dangerous," one of the Elders said, pulling him aside.

"He's on our side, right?"

"Yes, in a way, but he also is unpredictable. It's best to stay out of his way."

"All right. Who is he?"

"Billy Miles."

Alex almost laughed. He never would have imagined one such as Miles joining the Consortium.

"What's so special about him?"

"He is a part of an experimental group meant to be virtually indestructible. Sometimes, though, they can get out of hand. It takes years of experience for these men to develop a more human aspect. Billy Miles has had virtually none."

"Thank you, sir, I will be very careful."

"You do that. I wouldn’t want your lover coming after me one night."

Later that night, he returned home and found Knowle there. He smiled and was very happy. Knowle looked sad.

"What is it?"

"We are working together on this one. I didn’t like to return to find that you would be more directly involved in the assignment I've been working on."

"You've worked with Billy Miles?"

"How'd you learn about him?"

"Stevens explained to me that I should watch out for him."

Knowle sighed. "You need to do more than that, Alex."

He then explained to Alex that what the Elders had told him to say to Doggett and Skinner was actually accurate. It wasn’t a scheme to throw them off the track as Alex had first thought.

Alex listened in shock to what Knowle told him. He had wondered what the Consortium could've done to him, but now that he heard it from his lover, he couldn’t deny it. The man couldn’t be human or at least not fully.

"Alex, I have to tell you something."

Alex looked at his lover curiously.

"I'm like Billy Miles."

Alex stared then shook his head. "You're joking."

"No, I'm not. I have been trained over the years to curb my single minded need to follow through on the assignments given to me, and because of that, I have been able to pass as perfectly normal to everyone…even you."

Alex shook his head again, more adamantly this time. "Stop teasing me, Knowle. I don’t like it."

"I'm not teasing you, Alex. Come here."

Alex, hoping for a happy and sex filled reunion with his lover, instead went over to the other man and found lumps on the back of Knowle's neck that he'd never seen or felt before.

"What did they do to you?"

"I am a super soldier, just like Billy Miles, the only difference is that I can pass but he hasn’t been fully trained yet."

"They did this to you a few months ago?"

"No, I've been a super soldier for nearly fifteen years. Miles has just become one and is extremely dangerous."

Alex didn’t know what to say.

Knowle held him and promised that it didn’t change things. He still loved Alex, he wasn’t inhuman.

Alex was in shock. He didn’t know how to react. He didn’t know what to feel. He didn’t know what to say. He just let Knowle hold him and kiss him.

Knowle thought it best if Alex absorb what he'd told him, so he slept on the sofa after cooking them dinner.

Alex couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t process what Knowle had confessed to him. The only thing that crossed his mind was yet again his life was a total lie. Yet again the rug had been pulled out from under him and he was given the short stick.

The next day, Knowle came to bring breakfast to him in bed. Alex ate, but reluctantly. He didn’t think he could look into his lover's eyes.

After seeing that Alex wasn’t improving much, he said, "Why don’t I tell the Elders that you can sit this one out? You can stay at home and wait for me."

Alex shrugged, feeling indifferent about the whole thing. When Knowle returned he sighed.

"You have to go, Alex. The Elders say what you do is crucial and you would be the perfect person to play the role."

Alex nodded, feeling numb as he let Knowle hold him but not reacting to his lover as he consoled him.

"Are you sure you can do this?"

Alex nodded. Duping Skinner and the X-Files team was something he could do in his sleep. The very next day they were going to set the assignment in motion. Just before they parted, Knowle kissed him and said, "After the assignment, we will go on vacation, somewhere far away. None of this will matter anymore."

All during that day as he set about working on his assignment, all he could hear was Knowle saying "After the assignment." Over and over he heard his lover speak those words and he didn’t know why, but they meant nothing. After the assignment, his lover would still be something else, something other than human. Something that was supposedly indestructible. A super human, a super soldier. Not a human at all. He was Billy Miles.

When he saw what Billy Miles did to the elevator and to Skinner, he knew his life would be forever changed. He could never get his lover back. He could never have what he thought he had. His heart was broken. His life was a sham.

Going home after leaving Skinner in the elevator, he was empty. He was unable to do much but go through the motions. Seeing his lover act as if all was well, that nothing had changed didn’t help. He wanted his life back the way it was. When his lover was someone human like him. When his world seemed wonderful and free. He knew deep down it was impossible.

When Knowle went with him to the final assignment, he knew he would never be the same again. Knowle told him that he must convince them that he was on their side. Alex would be a decoy so Knowle and others would accomplish their goals. Knowle then told him that later they would have lasagna for supper after they returned from the assignment.

Alex listened to Knowle, not reacting. His only thought was that he couldn’t follow through with what his lover told him. To do as his lover wanted would mean that afterward he would have a life with a man -- no not a man -- a machine. He couldn’t do it.

When Knowle left, Alex got out of the SUV. He had no other choices. He had to continue on, just for a little bit longer. He searched for Mulder's car. After breaking the glass on Mulder's vehicle, Mulder read Alex's mind and learned that Alex's mind had broken as well as his heart. Trying to convince Alex mentally was impossible. Mulder listened without alerting Skinner, knowing that Alex wanted to die. Alex's anguish was so strong that Mulder was able to read him easily, though he thought he had lost such abilities after the anti-virals were used on him. He watched as Alex tried for the gun again after being shot once then twice. Mulder could do nothing. It was too late for Alex Krycek. He chose what he felt was the only way out for him. Mulder decided that even if he had stopped him, Alex would've died that night, whether by Skinner's hand or by his own.

Epilogue:

In just a day, from the ashes of the ruined SUV, Knowle stirred. He rose and left the burnt shell of iron. He found coveralls from a janitor's closet and went in search of his lover.

Two days later he found Alex's unmarked gravesite. If he were fully human, he would have cried, instead he visited the place as often as he could; leaving flowers for the one human he'd ever loved.
 

Continuation of sorts This is the story that started it all. I will be writing a continuation shortly.