Title: BOYS' NIGHT OUT

Author: Candy Apple

Email: blair_lady@yahoo.com

Website: https://www.squidge.org/~candy_a

Direct to Nip/Tuck Page: https://www.squidge.org/~candy_a/NTPage.htm

Permission to archive: Yes

Fandom(s): Nip/Tuck

Genre: Pre-Slash

Pairing/Characters: Sean/Christian

Rating: FRT-13

Summary: Sean and Christian enjoy a long overdue boys' night out, and work on reconnecting with each other.

Warnings: None I can think of.

Notes: This story only takes into account canon through the Granville Trapp episode. It is a sequel to "Trust."

********************************************************

BOYS' NIGHT OUT

by

Candy Apple

The restaurant wasn't very crowded. It was a quiet Wednesday night, a time when walk-ins could enjoy the ideal tables usually snagged by those with reservations. Sean was a little surprised at the upscale restaurant Christian had chosen. He'd been expecting they'd go to a nearby bar and order a burger with their beer. This was much better. There was tasteful background music, candles on the tables, and a nice menu with a variety of offerings.

"I've been wanting to see the new Vin Diesel movie," Christian said. "I guess it's not so new anymore."

"Anything's fine with me. As long as it's brainless escapism," he added, picking up the menu and checking out the options, amazed to actually feel a bit hungry. Food hadn't been at the top of his list in recent weeks. Eating alone was never something he relished doing.

"No chick flicks, no diseases, and no world-ending natural disasters. Just a lot of bad dialogue, shooting, car chases, and a really thin plot involving a couple of half-naked women," Christian concluded, grinning as he checked his menu. "Their London broil is great here. So is the filet mignon."

"I'm gathering steak is the speciality of the house?" Sean said, noticing the seafood selections were pretty basic and not too exciting.

"A little red meat won't kill you. You look like you could use a little protein," Christian joked, and Sean smiled a little, not sure if he should be amused or insulted. "Seriously, Sean, do you eat anymore? You look like you've lost about ten pounds."

"I hadn't thought about it too much, I guess. With everything else that's going on...now that Annie's not with me, I don't have a reason to eat at a set time anymore."

"Matt dropped the restraining order, so why can't she come back and live with you?"

"I haven't asked Julia about it." Sean set his menu aside. "I haven't been in the right frame of mind to be a very good father to her, and whenever Matt does come to the house for something, it's usually a pretty ugly confrontation."

"Do you think Annie living with Matt and Julia is a good solution?"

The waitress approached the table, and Christian ordered a bottle of expensive wine and shrimp cocktails.

"I'm not your date, Christian. You could let me order my own appetizer," Sean joked, though his tone was good-natured. "Besides, business is a little slow, and Julia has most of my disposable income right now, so take it easy ordering big-ticket items for me."

"My treat."

"You're not in much better shape than I am. We've had a few patients, but things are way too slow." Sean smiled. "Naomi Gaines called me this afternoon. She's sending a couple of her friends to us who want boob jobs. She said I should tell you she knew that whole Carver accusation was a lot of crap."

"It was nice of her to remember us. We'll have to send her some flowers...do something to say thank you."

"We will. And don't worry about dinner. There are some things that money can't buy, but for everything else, there's MasterCard," Christian quipped, smiling. Sean had to snort a laugh at that.

"In that case, I'll try the filet mignon," Sean said, setting his menu aside. "But don't order for me this time."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Christian replied as the waitress delivered their wine and shrimp cocktails. After taking their dinner orders, she collected the menus and moved on to the next table. "I think it's time you got Annie back from Julia. I don't think she should be alone with Matt right now, and with Julia's schedule, she's not home much."

"You don't seriously think Matt would hurt Annie, do you?" Sean asked, frowning.

"Not intentionally, but until he gets his act together and gets a few of the chips off his shoulders, I think Annie should be with you. Besides, the longer you leave her with Julia after that mess with the social workers, the more insecure she's going to feel about coming home."

"She knows I've never hit her, that I never would. I'd cut my right hand off first."

"I know that, and I'm sure she does, too. I just think it would be good for both of you to get back to the normal routine."

"You're probably right. I'm just not great company lately. I don't want to depress her."

"She's crazy about you, Sean. I'm sure she's more down being away from you than she will be with you, even if you're a little depressed."

"I'll talk to Julia tomorrow," Sean said, nodding. "I've missed Annie a lot."

"It's funny, but I kind of expected to hear from a few people after the story broke about the arrest."

"In what way?"

"Gee, Christian, we just knew that was bullshit, how are you doing? That kind of call."

"Kimber never faltered, did she?"

"No, she didn't. She's been way too good to me for the way I've treated her."

"She loves you," Sean said, a slightly melancholy look on his face. "She loves you in a way that a lot of people never get loved in a lifetime–unconditionally."

"Except for that time she tied me to the bed and cut me, you mean," Christian said, chuckling as he ate one of the chilled jumbo shrimp. "Kimber has conditions. I just haven't happened to piss her off lately. Or she's lowered her standards."

"She wouldn't need to lower her standards."

"I've done a lot of shitty things to Kimber. At a point, she got sick of it and wanted something better for herself, and she deserves it. But instead she comes back to me."

Sean stared at him a moment, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling of jealousy that flared during the discussion of Christian's relationship with Kimber. Christian went home to her, spent his free time with her, and looked forward to seeing her. Why that should bother Sean, he wasn't entirely sure, but it did. Maybe it was just the divorce.

"Do I have cocktail sauce on my shirt or something?" Christian asked, and Sean realized he'd been staring blankly at him.

"No, I was just thinking."

"About?"

"Thank you for doing this. I know it's not your first choice for how to spend your evening, but it's nice."

"I haven't spent any quality time with my best friend in a long time. We were overdue."

"You still think of me that way? Kimber never doubted you, even for a second."

"I thought we were done with that."

"I can't be done with it. I feel like an asshole. I feel guilty, and I can't get rid of it."

"I meant it when I said we were good. I'm not angry at you , Sean."

"Why not?"

"Maybe because you've tortured yourself enough for both of us. Maybe because you've been the other half of me for the last twenty years, and that's a lot to throw away for one small betrayal." Christian paused. "Even when you doubted me, you never abandoned me. You never said you wouldn't help me, you never condemned me. You just had doubts. I wish you hadn't, but knowing you'd be there for me even if I was that kind of monster counts for something. I never doubted you'd stand by me."

"I would have. I couldn't have walked away...I'd have helped you as much as I could."

"Can we bury this thing now and enjoy the rest of our evening?"

"Absolutely," Sean responded, smiling as he felt a weight lifting off his shoulders.

********

It was fun sitting in the theater, watching a brainless action movie with lots of explosions and overpriced special effects. Though he'd insisted he was full from dinner and didn't need anything to eat during the movie, Sean's hand wandered more than once into Christian's bucket of popcorn, which he gladly kept in easy reach for both of them. Reality was safely held at bay on the outside, and for now, the biggest worry Sean had was whether the hero could manage to outwit the bad guys chasing him through the city streets, and if Christian's popcorn would last to the end of the movie.

Being with Christian was good therapy. Christian always had helped him to lighten up, and his presence always had a calming effect on Sean. He made Sean angrier at times that anyone else in his life was capable of doing, but having him close by gave Sean's life a sense of "rightness" he couldn't seem to find alone.

When the movie ended, Sean felt a let down he hadn't anticipated. The escape was over, and it was back to his empty house and all the pressures that were making his life a mockery of what it used to be.

"You want to come back to the house for a couple drinks?" Sean asked. He knew the invitation sounded lame at best, boring and pathetic at worst, but he wasn't ready for this evening to end.

"Uh, sure, why not?" Christian responded.

"Is Kimber waiting up?"

"She had an early call in the morning, so she was going to spend the night at her place. I'm all yours, partner," Christian said cheerfully.

A short time later, they arrived back at the McNamara house, and as they entered, Sean turned on the lights in the kitchen. Christian walked into the living room and helped himself to the liquor.

"What can I get you?" he asked Sean as he sat on the couch.

"Whatever you're having is okay."

Christian poured the drinks and handed one to Sean before sitting in the chair closest to Sean's seat on the couch.

"I had a good time tonight," Sean said, taking a drink. "Thanks."

"I'm a fun date, what can I say?" Christian quipped.

They were silent a few minutes, just taking an occasional sip of their drinks.

"You were never soulless, Christian."

"What?" Christian asked, frowning.

"At the police station that day, you said you thought maybe you deserved what happened for being a 'soulless man'. You aren't, and never were, soulless. And you could have never deserved that for any reason."

"I haven't exactly been a paragon of virtue," Christian countered, smiling. "Most of the screwed up shit in your life is my fault."

"You didn't rape Julia and you didn't try to get her pregnant. She went to you, and taking the risk was a mutual thing. But that's not really what I'm talking about. When I think about what you overcame, what your life was as a child...you rose above that. You survived it and you made a success out of your life. You didn't turn into the criminal or drunk or drug addict you could have been. You didn't turn into a monster. That says to me that you not only have a soul, but that it's strong, beautiful, and amazing."

Christian stared at him for a moment, and Sean felt suddenly awkward for having blurted out such a glowing appraisal of his partner.

"I shouldn't have brought it up," Sean said.

"No, it's not that. I just...thank you." Christian smiled softly. "I don't know if I agree with you, but it was nice to hear, anyway."

"No one deserves to be brutalized that way. Maybe someone like the Carver who has done it to so many other innocent people. But short of that, no one deserves to be raped and terrorized. It kills me that he did that to you. If I ever get my hands on the son of a bitch, I'll cut his fucking throat and laugh while I do it." Sean felt his whole body shaking with that revelation, and he drained his glass, hoping it would calm his nerves.

"I know what you're saying is true. There are times I question myself because my fingers moved."

"You're a big guy, Christian. You're probably the tallest and therefore maybe the heaviest of the Carver's victims. The dose that would paralyze me might not paralyze you to all of your extremities for as long. I can understand that you might start getting movement back in some parts of your body before he was...finished. He didn't rape me, so he wasn't here that long. I couldn't move for an hour, but everyone's system is different. If it were easier than that, we wouldn't need Liz to anesthetize people. We could just shoot everyone with the same dose of tranquilizer and go to it."

"All those years with Mr. Troy...I felt like I was letting him touch me. I should have been able to stop him."

"That was bullshit then, and this is bullshit now. You were under his power then, and thanks to the drug, you were under the Carver's power when you were raped. It wasn't your fault then, and it's not your fault now. It was never your fault, any of it. It wasn't my fault he cut my face, it wasn't Naomi Gaines' fault he attacked her...you were a victim, Christian. Not a criminal."

"Hard not to feel that way when you turn into the prime suspect," Christian said, finishing his drink.

"Kit fucked with your head at a time when you were psychologically and emotionally vulnerable and belonged in counseling, not being interrogated by the police."

"She planted that evidence, Sean. She was pissed off because I threw her out."

"I don't doubt that." Sean paused, wincing. "I don't know why I ever did. I'll always hate myself for letting my own emotional shit make me do that."

"Maybe it's time we both stopped hating ourselves for everything we do that isn't perfect."

"It's not that simple. Look what's happened to Matt."

"Matt isn't screwed up because of something you did. If I'd had a son and raised him, and then had to entrust him to someone else, it would have been you. It still would be. This isn't your fault."

"And the rape wasn't yours. Not in any sense–for past transgressions, for moving your fingers and gripping the sheets in pain and fear because a little of the drug wore off faster for you, for being a little boy trapped in a living hell...you aren't to blame."

"I almost believe you," Christian said, looking as if his composure was faltering a little.

"Believe me. I've seen your soul, Christian. It's there, and it's good. And it's not your fault someone hurt you." Sean was quiet a moment. "I was an asshole for not telling you that, for not listening to you that day."

"We've both missed the boat on a few things recently. If you'd felt like I was there for you, you wouldn't have cut yourself. I haven't been listening to you all that much lately, either."

"There hasn't been a lot worth listening to," Sean responded, smiling and shaking his head.

"Maybe we both dropped the ball. It happens."

"You don't have to babysit me if you want to go home and get some sleep."

"Our first surgery isn't until ten. I'll get us some refills," he said, wiggling the ice in his glass, "and you find us something to watch."

Sean surrendered his glass to Christian, who worked at refilling their drinks while Sean checked the television for something they could both tolerate for a while. He was happier than he thought he should be when Christian sat next to him on the couch and handed him the drink.

"Better view of the TV from here," he said lightly, turning his face away from Sean and toward the television.

Sean smiled, not above soaking up the closeness for whatever Christian's reasons were. He suspected they truly had little to do with the TV screen.

********

THE END...until the next time