Title: LOVE LETTERS

Author: Candy Apple

Email: blair_lady@yahoo.com

Website: https://www.squidge.org/~candy_a

Direct to Nip/Tuck Page: https://www.squidge.org/~candy_a/NTPage.htm

Permission to archive: Yes

Fandom(s): Nip/Tuck

Genre: Slash

Pairing/Characters: Sean/Christian

Rating:  Mature

Summary: As Sean prepares to leave Miami for his new life in California, Christian comes to a decision about his relationship with his partner.

Warnings: Can't think of any - - it's Slash, folks!

Notes: This story only takes into account canon through the Willy Ward episode. It incorporates some elements of the Gala Gallardo episode, but ends differently than the season four finale.

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LOVE LETTERS

by

Candy Apple

Christian sighed and looked at his watch for the tenth time in the last hour. Sean was probably on his way to the airport by now...hell, he was probably in the winding line waiting to go through security. On his way to L.A. and his new life.

And I'm here, in the middle of my new life. Without him.

A lot had happened in the last three weeks since Sean announced he was leaving. Michelle and Christian were now the official owners of Troy/Landau, formerly McNamara/Troy. The letters were changed in the lobby. Christian nudged the box under his desk with his foot, and then picked it up. Opening the flaps, he felt a lump in his throat. Inside were the "McNamara" letters that had been removed from the wall. Somehow, he couldn't let them be thrown away, and he'd gathered them up and kept them. Sean was gone, but at least the letters of his last name were in a box under Christian's desk.

Michelle was taking to her unobstructed role as head honcho like a fish to water. She already had sweeping changes in mind for the decor. And ideas for what to do with Sean's office. Work was going to start on remodeling it in a few days, decorating it to suit Michelle's tastes, wiping out the last of Sean's presence. Even his fish were being evicted.

Christian thought he had what he wanted with Michelle. A soon-to-be wife, someone who wanted to be a mother to Wilbur. A family unit. He was finally whole, and finally had what he'd longed for all his life.

He looked at his watch again. Sean would be going through security by now for sure, maybe even waiting by his gate. Waiting for the plane that would take him thousands of miles away and out of Christian's life. Out of their way. There was no more listening to Sean's complaining about his loneliness, or tolerating his irritation at being left out of business decisions. No more feeling guilty about enjoying his new family when Sean was coping with the loss of his. No more convincing himself every time Sean's body brushed by his that the little tingle he felt was just the result of years of friendship.

No more avoiding Sean emotionally or physically, dodging the hobgoblins that Faith Wolper planted in his mind. Sean was easy to avoid now. He was gone. And for all of modern communication, the reality was that once someone packed up his life and moved to the other side of the country, his life was no longer in the old place he was leaving. It was somewhere else, with other colleagues, other friends, another life.

Christian pulled out his cell phone and dialed Sean's number. He didn't know why. Sean had insisted he'd prefer to just quietly get on the plane and go. He didn't want any big airport goodbyes. His stuff had been shipped out to California already. It was just him and his carry-on luggage, no need for anything but a taxi to take him to the airport.

"Christian?" Sean's voice came over the line, sounding confused.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"Actually, I'm going to have to hang up on you. I'm just going through security and I need to take my shoes off."

"Oh." Christian fingered the "M" in what he had come to think of as his "McNamara Box."

"Anything wrong?"

"No. I was just going to say 'bon voyage.' You know, since you didn't want me to take you to the airport."

"Oh. Thanks." There was a pause. "I really have to go, Christian. I'll call you later."

"Okay. Have a good flight."

"Thanks. Talk to you later." With that, Sean broke the connection.

Sean broke the connection... No, he just left after the connection was broken for him.

There was a heaviness that bordered on pain in Christian's chest, and he understood the corny old concept of a broken heart. It wasn't Michelle who made him complete, whose smile warmed his heart...it wasn't even her embrace that could set everything right in his world or flood him with all the warm sensations of love and wholeness. How many times had Sean hugged him? Or he hugged Sean? Often without even thinking about it. But it always felt so good.

He needed one more of those before he let go of Sean and their partnership for the life Christian professed that he wanted.

Decision made, he grabbed his keys, tossed his lab coat aside and pulled on his sport coat, hurrying for the door. Maybe the Lambourghini could make it in time, if he didn't run into too much traffic, or traffic cops.

*********

Sean looked at his cell phone and thought about calling Christian back, now that he was killing time at the gate, sitting there waiting for the flight to start boarding. Some fresh start to a new life...you're not even off the ground in Miami and you're worried about calling Christian.

He tucked the phone back in his pocket and picked up the magazine he'd bought in one of the shops. He stared at an article, not really reading it. His heart was heavy, and if he thought too much about Christian, he'd have that lump in his throat again, and he didn't want that. It was hard enough starting over. It was hard enough striking out alone to a new life when you always thought you were going to be married and raising your children, and working side by side with your partner.

Fighting reminiscing about his disintegrating marriage and divorce, and how much he missed his children, he fought to concentrate on something in the magazine. But no article could erase the pain he felt at getting on that plane and leaving Christian and all their years together, behind. It's not like it was a choice. There wasn't room for him in Christian's life. He never could have predicted that Christian finding "the one" would mean that it was an either-or choice, that Sean would be in the way, unwelcome, and essentially a third wheel in his own medical practice.

He didn't blame Christian. If he loved Michelle that much, then he had to focus on his family. Still, Sean had to admit, if only to himself, that it still stung how little place there was for him personally or professionally with the man who had always seemed like the other half of himself.

Tossing the magazine aside, Sean rubbed the bridge of his nose and fought tears that burned his eyes. This was supposed to be a new beginning and instead, it felt like the saddest day of his life.

"Delta Airlines welcomes passengers of flight 629 to Los Angeles. The flight is now boarding. Please have your boarding passes..."

Sean tuned out the rest of the announcement as he stood, taking out his boarding pass and hoisting his carry on bag over his shoulder.

"Sean!"

That voice was unmistakable, and Sean turned to see Christian running down the aisle that separated the waiting areas for the various flight gates. He waited until Christian arrived where he was standing, out of breath.

"I would have been here sooner, but security didn't exactly flag me through quickly. I told them I was your doctor and had to bring you your medication," he said, rattling a bottle of pills he tucked back in his pocket.

"Christian, what are you doing here? My flight's boarding."

"Don't go."

"We've been over this," Sean said, his tone gentle. Even though his mind was made up, the genuine emotion in Christian's face and his voice moved Sean deeply. "I'm leaving, Christian."

"Please, Sean, don't go. I don't know what else I can say. I don't want you to leave. It's all a mistake. All of it. I don't want to go on without you. The practice...it's nothing without you."

"You and Michelle will settle in and make the changes together to make it fit your vision, and you'll see, in a few months, you won't even notice I'm gone."

"I love you, Sean. Don't you get on that plane and leave me."

"I love you, too," Sean said, reaching out and squeezing Christian's arm. He hated that a tear was escaping despite his best effort. This was why he didn't want to see Christian now, not when he was actually making the physical break and getting ready to step onto a plane. "This isn't about not loving you, or trying to punish you for being happy. I'm glad for you, Christian. But sometimes you have to accept when the end of an era comes, and not fight it. It's time for me to step back and let you live your life with Michelle."

"I'm going to break it off with Michelle. I was wrong, Sean. I was wrong about so many things. I can't let you get on that plane. That's wrong, too. You belong with me, and I won't let you go."

"C'mere," Sean put his arms around Christian, hugging him tightly. "I will always love you, and I'll always be there for you if you need me. There aren't enough miles to get between that."

"Good, because I need you now, here." Christian pulled back, looking desperate. Then he took Sean's face in both hands and kissed him, pressing his lips insistently against Sean's.

Sean felt like his head was spinning, trying to sort through a kaleidoscope of emotions and possible responses, of secret wishes and repressed desires, of what he thought was right and wrong...

Finally, he just kissed Christian back. He opened his mouth and in an instant, Christian's tongue was inside it. The way Christian was kissing him, it felt like they were having some kind of oral sex without using their privates. Sean couldn't remember ever being kissed that way, and he didn't want it to end. Because when it did, he'd have to do the right thing and get on his plane and fight being sucked into this confused bag of emotions Christian was dealing with.

"We'll figure out how to buy Michelle out, or let her buy me out, and we'll start over, together, the way it's supposed to be," Christian blurted. Sean became conscious of the numerous pairs of eyes on them from the passengers lining up to board the plane. "Let them stare. Look at me, and tell me you don't want me this way."

"You have a family, Christian. You're happy. You're just confused because you don't want me to leave."

"You're the family I want, Sean. We can raise Wilbur together. I was wrong to push you into selling the practice...and then to rush into Michelle's arms to avoid the way I felt about you. I pushed you away and hurt you because I couldn't face how I felt about you. I destroyed our business and our life together. I have no right to come here and drag you back home, but I love you and I don't want to lose you."

Sean looked at him for a long moment. There were ten thousand reasons he should turn away and board his plane.

And one compelling reason why he couldn't.

"I love you, too," he said, initiating the next kiss, letting his carry on bag fall to the floor with a resounding thud. Christian's lips felt so good on his, their arms around each other felt like being home, and as much as he'd tried not to compete with Michelle, his heart soared at the thought that he'd won a contest he didn't even think he was trying for.

"Can we go home now?" Christian asked.

"Just let me tell them I'm not using my seat. The flight's over-booked."

"See, everybody wins," Christian quipped, beaming.

********

The satin sheets on Christian's bed were cool and smooth under Sean's skin, contrasting with the heat radiating from where Christian's body pressed his into the mattress. As impulsive as their kisses at the airport, their lovemaking was just as spontaneous and just as directionless. Neither of them were ready to do anything complicated. There was so much to learn about each other, about how to please each other, about what they did and didn't want to do.

For now, kissing and rubbing their naked bodies against each other was enough. The friction made them come, and the physical intimacy was just as beautiful as the emotional intimacy that had always been exclusive between them.

Christian rolled on his back and pulled Sean against him, holding him, kissing, nuzzling, and cuddling him in a way he'd never wanted to do with any other lover. He caressed Sean's cheek with gentle fingers.

"I have a present for you." He rolled over and picked up a small cardboard box that was sitting on the floor next to the bed. "Sorry it's not wrapped."

Sean just smiled and opened the box, frowning a little in confusion when he took out the "M" of the McNamara letters.

"I kept them after they took them down. I couldn't let them go. It felt like if I let them throw out those letters, I was losing you again. I guess they're just symbolic..."

Sean's eyes filled with tears at the words. The whole thought was so sweet, and so sad at the same time.

"Tomorrow, we're going to the office and get the 'Troy' back that goes with these, so we can put them back together, like us, wherever we end up hanging out our shingle."

"Promise me you won't leave me again," Christian whispered, his breath warm as it skimmed Sean's shoulder.

"You can consider this a new partnership agreement," Sean said, smiling and kissing Christian again.

"Where do I sign?" Christian asked, grinning.

"Use your imagination," Sean replied, setting the box aside and rolling on top of Christian, starting another session of lovemaking that would seal the deal.

********

THE END