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SEE PART ONE FOR WARNINGS, SUMMARY, AND NOTES. FAN RATED MAO.

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Sean sorted through his messages on his way to his office, irritated not to see one from Dr. Tanner. He knew the Nobel Prize-winning physician was probably busy and inundated with calls and appointments and commitments, of which his was just one more anonymous phone message slip. But this was Christian's life, and Tanner's secretary was going to put him at the top of the pile one way or another.

He was about to pick up the phone to make another run at getting through when there was a knock at the door. Linda poked her head in. "MediQuest's messenger just brought us lab results. These are Christian's," she said.

"Thanks, Linda," he said, taking the envelope. She left the office, and Sean opened the envelope, already prepared for what he was going to see. Once he had all the results back, he planned to go over them with another oncologist he'd known since college, just to be sure Christian's doctor, and Sean, weren't missing anything.

"This can't be right," he muttered to himself, reading through the results. Christian's numbers were all in the normal ranges, and according to these results, he was in remission. "Shit," Sean mumbled, the obvious lab error too cruel a joke when he'd personally hand delivered the samples and requested rushes on the results at no less than three separate labs. He rang Linda's extension. "Did we get the lab work from any of the other labs yet?"

"No, MediQuest is always earlier than the others. Omni Labs is online, but nothing's been posted yet. We should get them in a couple hours."

"Would you call the Bayside Oncology Lab and find out if they have Christian's lab work finished? I'll drive over there and get the results myself."

"What's wrong, Sean?" she asked.

"MediQuest's results aren't consistent with Christian's diagnosis and lab results from Oncology Associates, Dr. Moss's practice's in-house lab. Don't say anything to anyone about this. It's most likely a lab glitch or a mix up of some kind."

"Good or bad?"

"Linda, please just get a hold of those labs for me."

"Sure, Sean. I'll let you know what I find out." She hung up, and Sean knew he'd snapped at her, but the last thing he wanted was for Christian to overhear the staff speculating on his lab results before Sean had a chance to talk to him - - and more importantly, to determine which set of numbers were really Christian's.

Sean looked at the lab report again. His heart was pounding, and his hands were starting to shake just a little. He couldn't let himself believe this until he had confirmation. There was only a 50-50 chance that these numbers were right.

Yesterday, Christian's chances were slimmer than that...

He stood and started pacing, looking at his watch. His 10:30 rhinoplasty consult could wait thirty minutes. Hell, she could go to another surgeon for all he cared if it was the difference of waiting to confirm or debunk this lab report. When the phone on his desk rang, he almost jumped. He picked it up, and Linda's voice was on the other end.

"Omni has theirs done and will e-mail them to you now, before they post it to their online site. Bayside is backed up and probably won't be done until this afternoon."

"Tell them to put a rush on it."

"I did, Sean. That was what they said after I told them this was urgent. Their nurse reminded me that they exclusively handle cancer testing, so everything's urgent."

"I'll go there in person. Cancel my 9:00 consult, and if I'm not back by ten, cancel Mrs. Forsythe, unless Christian wants to take her."

"All right," Linda said, sounding puzzled. "This is something big, isn't it?"

"Huge. You can't say anything to anyone, not until I've verified this and talked to Christian."

"I won't say a word. Just let me know as soon as you know?"

"I will." Sean hung up and checked his e-mail. Still nothing. The next five minutes felt like an hour, but finally, after refreshing his e-mail connection about ten times, the e-mail from Omni Labs appeared in his inbox.

Taking a deep breath and trying to steady his had, he clicked on the attachment and opened the report. He was afraid to look at the screen, afraid this report would confirm the results from Christian's doctor, and that the MediQuest results would be wrong. He forced himself to look at it.

The Omni results matched the results from the MediQuest lab.

"Oh, my God," he said aloud in the empty office. His chest felt tight, there was pressure in his head, and his hands were still shaking so badly he had to clasp them together to still them. Christian was in remission. He wasn't dying. He didn't need another harrowing course of chemo. He wasn't dying.

There was one more set of lab results to pick up, but it was highly unlikely they would do anything but confirm the results he already had in his hands. Still, he'd sent samples out to three labs for a reason, and he wasn't about to give up without having the third set of results in his hands. He tossed his lab coat aside, and donning his sport coat, picked up his briefcase and headed out of the office.

"Cancel everything on my book today," he said to Linda as he passed her desk. "Christian's, too."

"Sean, what's happened?"

"The Omni results match the MediQuest results. I'm on my way to Bayside right now to get those, if I have to break the place up to do it."

"You know two labs wouldn't be wrong," she said. "Does this mean he's going to be okay?" she asked in a hushed voice.

"Three labs are even more of a sure thing. Just don't say anything to anybody. I'll be back as soon as I have the third set of results."

"You don't ask much," she quipped, the happiness clear in her voice. "Mum's the word. What do I tell Christian about cancelling his appointments?"

"Just tell him I told you to do it, and that I'll explain later."

"Okay. See you soon, Sean. Drive carefully."

"Oh, I will."

When he arrived at the Bayside Oncology Lab, he wasn't surprised the results were taking longer, given the crowded state of their waiting room. It had been that way when he dropped off the samples, too. Still, he wasn't in the mood to sympathize with their workload. He just wanted that third set of results.

"May I help you?" the receptionist asked. She didn't recognize him, and with two lines ringing and only one other office worker to assist her, he doubted she cared who he was beyond dispatching him in whichever direction he needed to go.

"I'm Dr. Sean McNamara. I personally delivered lab samples yesterday for testing, on the understanding they would be finished today."

"I just spoke to your office, Dr. McNamara. Are those the Troy results?"

"Yes."

"They'll be done this afternoon."

"Is the lab work finished on them?"

"They're scheduled to be in the batch that will be sent out with our afternoon courier."

"Then they're finished."

"Our courier picks the samples up around two. It's only ten."

"But they could be done."

"They could be, yes."

"Then I need you to find out if they are."

"Just a moment." She answered a line, put one person on hold, and answered the other line, putting that person on hold, before turning her attention back to Sean. "I'll call back to the lab and see if they're done."

"Thank you." Sean waited, feeling like his whole body was vibrating with restrained energy, wondering if he was shaking visibly or if it just felt that way.

"They're finished. Someone will bring them up for you in just a minute."

"Thank you."

"Are you all right, doctor?" she asked. "I'm sorry, but you're perspiring heavily and you're shaking."

"I'll be fine as soon as I get those results," he said.

"If you'll forgive me, I think you should sit down. I'll get you some water."

Figuring if he looked that bad, he should probably follow her advice, he sat down in one of the chairs and ran his hand over his face, surprised when it came away damp with sweat. His hands still shook badly enough that he couldn't have carved a pumpkin safely, let alone performed surgery.

"Here you go," she said, handing him a plastic cup of water.

"Thank you, Vicky," he said, reading her name tag. She was a heavy set, middle aged woman with auburn hair and carefully applied makeup. She flashed a pretty smile at him.

"You're welcome. Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No, thank you, this is fine." He took a drink of the water and tried to take a few deep, calming breaths. So much was riding on these results. He already had two matching that told him Christian would be okay, that he was in remission, but there was that lingering fear that these results would match the first results and there'd be some kind of sick tie that would require more tests to break. He knew that was nonsense, that he could go back to the office and give Christian the good news right now, but he had to have the third set of results.

He looked around at all the people in the lab, some of them looking as if they had suffered the ravages of cancer and chemotherapy, others looking relatively healthy, and yet waiting to be tested to see if they would soon join the first group.

"Here you go, Dr. McNamara," Vicky said, returning to hand him the envelope. "I can take that if you're finished," she said, reaching for the mostly empty water cup.

"Thanks again," he said, handing her the cup and heading for the door, the envelope clutched in his hand. After returning to his car, he opened it and confronted the results. Just as he expected, they confirmed the other two sets of results showing Christian was in remission.

He got the phone number for Dr. Moss's office from information, and dialed the number on his cell. When the receptionist answered, he insisted on speaking to Christian's doctor personally, immediately.

"Dr. Moss is with a patient, Dr. McNamara. I can have him call you as soon as he's finished."

"This is an emergency regarding one of his patients, so please interrupt him."

"Just a moment." She left the phone, and a few minutes of hold music irritated Sean more than having the intended calming effect.

"Dr. McNamara, this is Dr. Moss. I'm assuming this is about Christian Troy?"

"Yes, it's about Christian. I just got the results back from three individual labs. Christian is in remission. The reason I felt this was an emergency is in case you have another patient out there thinking he's in remission when he isn't."

"You ran three sets of lab tests? There's no room for error?"

"Not when three individual labs give me the same results. I drew, packaged, and delivered the samples personally, so there's no margin for error that would cover all three labs."

"Please convey my apologies to Christian. I'll contact him personally, of course, and we'll begin a thorough investigation to determine how this happened. In all my years of practice, we've never had a situation like this."

"I'll leave it up to Christian to discuss this with you in more detail, and to decide whether or not he wants to take any action about it. I'd appreciate if you'd wait until later to call him. I'd like to give him the news personally. I'm on my way back to my office right now."

"I understand. What prompted you to run those tests right now?"

"Christian changed his mind about letting me search for a clinical trial or experimental treatment option, so I wanted not only lab results, but I wanted to be especially sure they were accurate before basing any future course of treatment on them."

"I'm very happy for Christian, and for your practice. I know you've been partners for many years."

"Over twenty now," Sean said. "Thank you, Dr. Moss. I'll let Christian know you'll be in touch with him."

********

"Linda, Sean had to say something besides just cancel everything. I had a rhinoplasty and a boob job on the books, and a consult for a full body make over."

"I'm sorry, Christian, Sean told me to clear both your schedules and he'd explain when he got back."

"From where?"

"Wherever he went," she said, shrugging. "He'll explain."

She didn't have to say anything else once the dynamo that was Sean burst through the doors, rushing up to the counter where Christian was leaning, bickering with Linda. He slapped the envelope on the counter.

"Your first lab results were an error, Christian. Three independent labs confirm that you are in remission. You're not dying! We won!!" Sean exclaimed.

Christian just stared at him for a moment, then he grabbed Sean in a hug and lifted his feet off the floor, laughing and crying at the same time. Liz came running out of her office just as Christian covered Sean's mouth with his, kissing him thoroughly and leaving no illusions that it was a platonic kiss of brotherly love. Both men had tears on their faces, and though Christian finally let Sean's feet touch the floor again, he didn't relinquish his hold on him for several seconds. When he finally did, he hugged Linda, then paused when he looked at Liz. She smiled at him with affection and hugged him.

"I'm glad for you, Christian," she said, stepping back and then hugging Sean.

"Okay, I've obviously missed something here," Linda said, having witnessed the passionate celebratory kiss.

"We finally figured out after twenty-five years together that it was time to go out on our first date last night," Christian explained. "It went well," he added.

"Did you get lucky?" Linda teased with a sly smile.

"Oh, yeah, I got luckier than I ever did before," he said, his voice soft and rough with emotion as he looked at Sean, who looked happier than Christian could remember him looking for a very long time. "You know, we could have used the money from those surgeries today to finance some of our travel plans," he teased Sean.

Sean held out two hands that were still shaking. "I couldn't slice a bagel right now." Christian took both hands in his.

"Take a few breaths, Sean. Otherwise, you're going to drop dead and I'm going to be left to run this place by myself."

"Tonight, we should all have dinner somewhere and celebrate," Liz suggested, surprising both of them. "You don't think I want to celebrate Christian being healthy, just because he's an asshole?"

"That means a lot to us, Liz. Actually, I already have a table reserved at the Harbor Club for tonight. A large table. Make sure the whole staff gets the invitation." Sean looked at Christian. "We have reservations right now."

"Some hip hot spot for lunch?" Christian asked.

"Something like that. Harbor Club, tonight, eight o'clock, under McNamara/Troy," Sean said, to the staff that had gathered at the commotion. Then he took Christian's arm and started hustling him toward the door.

"You mind if I get my jacket out of my office?" Christian asked, chuckling at Sean's enthusiasm.

"I'll bring the car around," Sean said, hurrying out of the office.

"I don't think I've ever seen Sean flustered before," Linda said.

"Flustered or horny, one or the other," Liz concluded, heading back to her office.

********

"I thought we were going to lunch," Christian said as Sean turned the car down their street, heading for the house.

"We are. I just never said where, or what was on the menu," Sean replied, turning into their driveway and into the garage.

"I'm liking the sound of this better and better."

When Sean opened the door to the house, Christian walked inside and was greeted with the sound of romantic music coming from the direction of his bedroom. All the drapes were drawn in the house, a few candles burning to give it a soft glow.

"I thought we could celebrate together first," Sean said, taking Christian's hand and leading him back toward the bedroom.

The bed was freshly made and turned back, unlike the rumpled mess they'd gotten out of that morning and left for the housekeeper. Still, Sean kept going. Apparently bed wasn't the first stop on his tour. "I asked Rita to take Wilbur to the park after school, so we'll have the place to ourselves until about five," he said, leading Christian into the bathroom.

The blinds were closed, and this room, too, was lit by candles. The jacuzzi tub was full, and rose petals floated on the surface of the water. There was champagne in an ice bucket and two glasses sitting on the ledge of the tub, along with a bowl of strawberries and two other small bowls - - one holding whipped cream and the other holding chocolate sauce.

"When did you do all this?"

"As soon as I got the final results, I stopped at the store, came back here, set this up, and then went back to the office to get you. I wanted to celebrate." Sean looked at what he'd set up. "I know it's probably a little over the top, but I got to thinking that just because one of us isn't a woman is no reason we shouldn't enjoy a little romance."

"It's beautiful, Sean." Christian surprised Sean by taking him in his arms, but not for an embrace. He slid one arm around Sean's back and took his hand so they were swaying slowly to the music on the stereo. "I think we're overdue for a little old fashioned romance in our lives," Christian said, resting his forehead against Sean's. He smiled when he listened to the lyrics of the love song:

I can feel the magic floating in the air

Being with you gets me that way

I watch the sunlight dance across your face

And I've never been this swept away

Sean moved back a little, pushing Christian's jacket off his shoulders. Christian thought of teasing him about his anxiousness, but there was something in Sean's eyes, something intense and passionate, that rendered him silent as he mirrored the gesture, and they began to undress each other. When clothes were on the floor, they stepped into the warm tub and lowered themselves into the water.

Sean poured them each a glass of champagne, handing one to Christian.

"I tried to think up a clever toast when I was setting all this up. I didn't come up with one. I just feel like we've been given this amazing gift, like I've been given something that's so beautiful I don't deserve it, could never do anything good enough to deserve it. It's the way I felt twenty-five years ago when you came into my life, only times ten, because we're together the way we are now. I love you so much that I feel like it's what makes my heart beat, and like it's the best reason for it to keep beating."

Christian didn't say anything, but after they tapped their glasses, he pulled Sean close for a kiss that he hoped would answer those words with feelings he couldn't seem to verbalize. Feelings so powerful they were almost frightening.

"You know, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I'd just taken you in my arms and kissed you back when we were in college," he said.

"I would have kissed back," Sean admitted. "You'd have caught me before life got in the way, before I got so set in my ways that even the possibility was something I wouldn't let in until it was almost too late."

"We've had a beautiful history, Sean. I wouldn't trade a minute of it, even if we could have had more. Doing something different would risk what we have now. Matt, Annie, Conor, Wilbur, Jenna. Our practice, everything we've gone through that's made us who we are, and who we are together. We have each other, but we would have never had our family without Julia, without Gina. God help us, without Kimber."

"It's kind of nice to think about watching our children and grandchildren grow up, isn't it?"

"I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, finding out what the next twenty-five years or so bring." Christian tapped his glass against Sean's one more time and they took one last drink before setting the glasses aside to concentrate on each other.

Sean wrapped his arms around Christian and tipped them back until Christian was against the tub and Sean was on top of him, kissing Christian's mouth, his chin, and his neck. Christian thought of teasing him about his enthusiasm, but he was enjoying it too much to jeopardize stopping it. He moaned in pleasure when Sean licked and then sucked on Christian's nipple, playing with it with his tongue, spending time there as if it were the most luscious breast in the world. Then he moved to the other side and did the same, spending even more time there, since Christian had noticed a slightly decreased sensitivity on the reconstructed side - - the fact Sean remembered that off-handed, minor comment touched him deeply, as deeply as knowing that Sean would be there, doing this, even if he had more noticeable scarring. Even when he was old and not all that much to look at. And he'd want to hold Sean in his arms and touch every part of him even when he was old and gray and frail.

Sean kissed him again, this time rubbing his body against Christian's. There was something in the water that was giving their skin the slickness that made the friction minimal and the slide and stimulation much easier. His cock was rubbing against Sean's, their most sensitive parts brushing against each other. He pulled Sean toward him for another kiss, his hands sliding down Sean's back carefully, keeping his touch light enough not to irritate the healing skin. His hand traveled down to Sean's ass, rubbing over the smooth cheeks, realizing Sean wasn't flinching away from his touch even in light of what he'd been through, or how much discomfort Christian knew he was still dealing with. He trusted Christian so much that even his fingertips brushing near Sean's injured opening didn't unsettle him. That thought brought tears to Christian's eyes, and he had to kiss Sean, to make sure he knew how much he was loved and wanted.

They shared a sweet climax together, and when it was over, Christian just lay there in the warm water with Sean's sated body still on top of his, wrapped up in his arms, Sean's head on his shoulder.

"I think we should take the chocolate, whipped cream and strawberries into the bedroom and have dessert," Christian suggested. He felt a little rumble of laughter from Sean.

"Sorry I forgot the ice cream and bananas. We could have had banana splits."

"The ice cream would melt, and we've got something to stand in for bananas," Christian responded.

"I bet you'd taste good with chocolate sauce and whipped cream," Sean teased.

"There's one way to find out."

They got out of the tub, dried off, and took the champagne and snacks with them to the bedroom, sitting naked on the bed, not worrying about the sheets as they shoved the covers off on the floor and set the food on the mattress within easy reach.

"Those still look sore," Christian said, looking over Sean's shoulder, his fingertips skimming lightly over one of the marks on Sean's back.

"They are. It's not as bad as it was. You took good care of me when it first happened, so they're healing well. They just feel kind of raw and they burn sometimes."

"Just a second." Christian got off the bed and went to his closet, pulling out a blue silk shirt. He returned to the bed, and climbing back on the mattress with Sean, encouraged him to put it on. "It'll feel good to have that between your back and the sheets," he said. The shirt was large on Sean, and he looked at it, frowning.

"This is a beautiful shirt, Christian. It must have cost a fortune. You don't want to get whipped cream and syrup on it," he said, starting to take it back off, but Christian stopped him.

"Don't you think that making your back feel better while we're making love is worth a shirt to me? I don't remember how much the shirt cost, but whatever it was, if it stopped your back from hurting you, I'd pay it in a heartbeat." He leaned over and kissed Sean, whose arms went around his neck in a tight embrace.

Christian carefully maneuvered them so he could lay Sean back on the mattress, pillows beneath his head. He took a moment to look at his lover, the soft smile on his face, the silky shirt just barely on his shoulders and arms, the rest of him naked.

"That color looks good on you," Christian said, and Sean smiled, though Christian could detect a slight flush in his cheeks. "Brings out your eyes," he added, picking up the bowl of chocolate sauce. Sean just grinned, looking completely content to experience whatever Christian had in mind.

He dipped his finger in the chocolate and traced Sean's lips with it, surprised when Sean's mouth opened and captured his fingertip, licking the sauce off it. He leaned down and kissed Sean, their lips and tongues sharing the chocolate, savoring it and each other. Christian forced himself to leave Sean's mouth, drizzling a trail of chocolate down the middle of his chest, which he then licked away slowly. He smiled at Sean's little indrawn breath when he circled a nipple with a chocolate coated finger, then the other. He picked up a strawberry and used the cool tip of it to circle Sean's nipple this time, putting the chocolate tipped strawberry in his mouth and sucking it. Sean's eyes were riveted to his every move, his nipples hardened and his erection growing.

"I'd rather taste you," Christian said, tossing the strawberry aside and sucking the second chocolate coated nipple, lingering there with his tongue until no chocolate remained. Sean reached for a strawberry, dipped it in whipped cream and took a bite. Christian moved in for a kiss, their mouths opening together, sharing the sweet treat.

Christian moved down a bit, looking at Sean's semi-erect cock. Sean could sense the hesitation, the moment of decision Christian was facing.

"It's okay, Christian. Your mouth is welcome to stay up here with me and your hand can figure out the rest."

"Shhh," Christian shushed him. He remembered what it felt like when Sean kissed him there. Maddeningly light and yet it made him feel incredibly desired and loved. He dipped his finger in the chocolate again and ran it up the underside of Sean's cock, smiling as Sean gasped and his body arched at the touch. Getting bolder, he drizzled chocolate from the little bowl directly onto Sean's balls, dipping his fingers in the liquid and marking the insides of Sean's thighs with it, painting himself a map of where his lips and tongue would go next.

Setting the bowl aside, he dragged his tongue across the soft skin of Sean's inner thigh, licking the chocolate. Sean was getting harder, but Christian wasn't ready to let him off the hook just yet. He tongued the other thigh, sucking the skin close to where Sean's thigh met his body, leaving a bright passion mark.

He leaned down and licked the chocolate sauce off Sean's balls, sucking them into his mouth one at a time, cleaning them thoroughly. Sean let out a groan that sounded like a mixture of pleasure and frustration.

"Oh, God, Christian, you're killing me here," he gasped with a smile in his voice.

"You taste pretty good," Christian said, though he wasn't joking. He kissed Sean's inner thigh again.

"It's gourmet chocolate sauce, not the grocery store stuff."

"I'm not talking about the chocolate, sweetheart. I said you taste good."

Sean cried out when Christian took him in his mouth, sucking him in earnest now, no more teasing. He held onto Sean's hips, not quite ready for him to thrust up instinctively. He wanted to remember how to relax and let Sean's cock touch his throat without resisting it. That seemed more than he could manage, because he kept waiting for something about it to be bad. For Sean to somehow thrust hard into his throat, for that despicable odor or taste of a sweaty old man's cock to invade his mouth.

All he could taste was a trace of chocolate and Sean's flesh, his Sean, who was grabbing the sheets to cooperate with him and not thrust too hard. There was nothing dirty and disgusting, nothing brutal, nothing to fear. Just Sean and all the love they'd shared for a lifetime, and all they would share for the rest of their lives together.

"Christian, I'm coming," Sean warned, giving Christian the chance to release him and not take the come in his mouth.

Christian let go of Sean's hips and deep throated him, oddly glad he could do that when Sean shouted his name as he climaxed, and Christian managed to drink him down without gagging, until he gently released the lax cock and moved up on the bed, gathering Sean in his arms, sharing kisses that were a strange mix of come, chocolate, and strawberry.

"We still have a lot of strawberries and whipped cream left," Sean said, "and a good two hours alone."

"I'm all yours," Christian replied, smiling and flopping back on the bed, spreading his arms.

"Turn over," Sean said, and Christian hesitated a minute, then complied, settling on his stomach, head resting on his folded arms.

"What are you up to?" Christian asked as Sean left the room momentarily, then returned a couple minutes later with a small bottle in his hand.

"A little something I think will go well with the whipped cream," Sean said, straddling Christian's lower back.

"What are you doing, Sean?" The question was tinged with noticeable fear.

"Christian, I'm sorry," Sean said right away. "I was just going to give you a back rub. Teddy had this edible body oil stuff she left here. We never used it, but I thought it might be fun. Did you think I was going to try to screw you?"

"No," Christian protested a little too quickly. "I just couldn't figure out what you were doing."

"I wouldn't just sneak up on you with that."

"I know you wouldn't. I'm sorry. I'm just...jumpy, I guess."

"Maybe this'll help," Sean said, stroking the back of Christian's head with a gentle hand. "Trust me?"

"Always." At Sean's raised eyebrows, he added, "Almost always," with a little grin.

Sean coated his hands with the massage oil and then started spreading it across Christian's upper back and shoulders. His hands felt good loosening up tense muscles, and his bare thighs and crotch felt even better touching Christian's back and ass as he straddled him.

"Where'd you learn to give such a great massage, and why haven't you given me one before?"

"From Megan, and probably because I didn't know you'd want one from me until now."

"I guess I forgot she was a chiropractor," Christian said.

"She always knew when I was tensed up. I don't think it had much to do with her being a chiropractor. She just knew me...and loved me anyway," he added, putting more of the oil on his hands and moving down Christian's back.

"Smells like vanilla," Christian commented.

"That's what it is. Like the ice cream we'd use if it didn't melt too fast."

"Do you have a secret food fetish I don't know about?"

"Anyone who's tasted my cooking probably knows that's not true."

"Your cooking isn't that bad."

"It isn't that good, either," Sean replied with a smile. Sean's bare ass was brushing against Christian's now, and he groaned. Changing from the oil to whipped cream, Sean began coating Christian's ass with it. A moment later, Christian felt Sean's weight shift again, and then the hot wetness of his tongue making a path through the whipped cream on his right cheek.

"Holy shit," he muttered, humping the mattress just a little. Then the tongue was back, carefully licking his skin clean. Next, he felt a different sensation, and looked back to see Sean dragging a strawberry through the cream on his left cheek, then taking a bite of it, before dragging it through the whipped cream another time.

"Do you trust me?" Sean asked.

"Yes," Christian responded, no joking this time. Whatever Sean had in mind, he wanted to try it.

A moment later, he felt his cheeks being spread very gently, and the cool sensation of the whipped cream being put between them, over his opening. Then, he groaned low in his throat as he felt Sean's warm tongue start at the back of his balls and slowly make its way up between his cheeks, licking the whipped cream off his skin, lingering at his center, then continuing until it reached his tail bone.

"Oh, shit," Christian mumbled, rubbing against the mattress, stunned to be enjoying someone playing with his ass. He'd put up with it to some small extent with a few women he'd been with, but he never wanted to spend much time on it, especially after the rape. All he knew now was that he wanted Sean to do more. It might be the only time he'd have the nerve to offer the invitation. "I want you in me, Sean."

"You don't have to - - "

"I want you in me. I know I don't have to. I want you, Sean."

"Do you have any KY, anything we can use?"

"That massage oil's pretty greasy."

"Not greasy enough. Just a minute." Sean left again, and a minute later was back with Vaseline. "I love you, Christian," he said, lying down on his stomach, next to Christian, so they could kiss for a few minutes, to reconnect emotionally and romantically before making love. "I'll take good care of you, I promise."

"You always have."

"How do you want me?"

"I haven't done this very often, either," Sean admitted.

"You've never gone in the back door with a woman?"

"I've done it doggystyle, but only once or twice anally and that was with someone experienced, so I didn't have to have much technique. I tried anal with Julia and she hated it and I was lousy at it. Maybe this isn't such a great idea."

"You're not lousy at it and I'm not a virgin."

"You are to having it feel good," Sean said.

"Just take it easy and do your best."

"Turn on your side, and bring your knees up. You can relax that way." Once Christian had complied with that suggestion, Sean spooned up behind him and kissed his shoulder. "You're going to feel my finger."

Sean traced the tight pucker with a slick finger, before carefully easing his fingertip inside. Christian fought the urge to tense up, prepared for the pain. It felt odd at first, more like his annual physical than anything else.

"Relax, Christian." Sean snuggled against his back. "I'm going to stretch you a little bit." Christian started to stroke his cock while Sean's finger was inside him, and it felt good. When Sean found his prostate, it felt a lot better than when the doctor did it. He made a little pleasure noise, feeling less afraid of the sensation of something moving about inside him.

Sean's finger slipped out of him for a moment, and then two fingers were probing at his hole, carefully sliding slowly inside, letting him adjust to the intrusion. At first it felt too big, but it didn't hurt. It just felt full. It was nothing like being flipped over and impaled with a little spit or nothing at all. Sean's head was resting against his back, and he was just moving his fingers gently inside Christian, letting him get used to the feeling, as if he were in no hurry at all.

"Feels good," he finally admitted, and it was true. The occasional brushes over his prostate, the gentle motion of the fingers, the way Sean was lying so close to him.

"It's okay if this is all we do today," Sean said, kissing his back. "We've got our whole lives," he added, slipping his free hand around the front to take over the job of stroking Christian's cock.

"Go ahead," Christian urged, ready to feel more. He was ready to feel Sean inside him, to be connected that way.

Sean slowly withdrew his fingers, and Christian could feel movement behind him as Sean lubricated himself, then pressed the head of his cock against the slick opening. He pushed gently, and Christian gasped a little as it slid past the tight ring of muscle, and slowly filled him. He fought the urge to tense up and try to defend himself, and Sean must have sensed the momentary panic.

"I won't move until you tell me, love," Sean said gently, the endearment warming Christian's heart and reminding him that this was a world away from anything he'd ever experienced before. "I just want to be close to you," he added, rubbing Christian's stomach as the other hand still slowly stroked his cock. He felt himself relax, and Sean felt it, too, sliding further inside until they were fully joined.

"We're one person right now," Christian said, and Sean held him closer, fitting his body to the curves of Christian's.

"Thank you for being in my life," Sean whispered against Christian's back. He eased partially out and then slid back in, and waited. Then he tried it again, and it felt good. Christian angled his head back so they could share an awkward kiss.

"Move, Sean, it's good," he said, and Sean took him up on it, though it was a very slow and easy pace.

It felt good when it stimulated his prostate, and good as Sean slid slowly in and out. There was no awful pain, no bleeding, no fear, no reason to believe that the next stroke wouldn't feel as good as the one before it, or to fear that suddenly it would turn into something terrible. There was no sensation of flesh pulled beyond its capacity to stretch, no painful tearing. Just the one he loved pressed close against him, their bodies joined, making each other feel good, being completely one with each other. There was the total intimacy of body and soul between them, and when they came, Christian almost felt a sense of loss, knowing the part of Sean that had been physically part of him would soon withdraw.

"I love you," he whispered, his arms covering Sean's where they were around his middle.

"I love you, too." Sean's hand stroked up and down his front, from chest to belly, Sean's cheek against the back of his shoulder. "Hold my hand. I'll go slow." They laced their fingers and Christian squeezed a little on Sean's hand as he pulled carefully out of Christian. His muscles felt stretched and empty, but he was in no serious pain. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's beautiful," Christian said, turning over so they could face each other again. "I didn't think that could be beautiful."

"I didn't think I could feel any closer to you, or love you any more, but I do."

"I wish we could stay in this bed all night and just keep making love. We really need to go on that trip."

"Maybe we just need a nice hotel suite around the corner," Sean joked.

"No, we need to see something beautiful and amazing together."

"Like I said, we just need a nice hotel suite. The Sistine Chapel isn't going to be anything special next to you."

Christian felt a lump in his throat at those words, and he pulled Sean into a tight embrace, wrapping his leg around Sean to pull him as close as he could. Even then, he missed the complete connection their bodies had made. He let himself doze, unable to remember a time when he felt so acutely that all was right in his world.

********

Freshly showered and dressed in just their robes, Sean and Christian enjoyed a slightly flat glass of champagne together on the patio, stretched out on their double lounger.

"You think we could get away with not going to dinner tonight and just hanging out at home with our kids?" Christian asked, grinning at Sean.

"Tonight's one of the happiest nights of our lives. I think it makes sense to share part of it with our family and friends, don't you?"

"Okay. But later, you're all mine."

"I always have been," Sean said, and they kissed, then kissed again, regretting a little that they soon had to get dressed to go out. Lipo trotted out to the patio and stood near the lounger, barking once and looking hopefully at Christian.

"No food here, beast," Christian said, sharing a moment of eye contact with the dog. Sean had the uncanny feeling the two of them were communicating. "Where's your kid?" he asked, knowing that if Lipo was there, Rita had just brought Wilbur home from the park. A moment later, Wilbur appeared, climbing up on the lounger between them.

"We're going to a party tonight, what do you think about that?" Sean asked him.

"Can we have cake?"

"How about it, Uncle Sean? Did you get me a cake?"

"I thought you were partial to strawberries," Sean quipped.

"Actually, chocolate is my personal favorite," Christian replied, kissing Sean's cheek. Sean was a little surprised at the kiss in front of Wilbur, but at the same time, it was an innocent way to start getting Wilbur used to seeing them together as a couple. "Wilbur, you remember when we talked about how sometimes a girl can fall in love with a girl, and sometimes a boy can fall in love with a boy?"

"Yeah. Do you love Uncle Sean?"

"I always have loved Uncle Sean. He's my best friend. But now, we love each other the way people who get married do."

"I thought you were gonna marry Auntie Liz," Wilbur replied, confused.

"Auntie Liz and I love each other, and we both love you, but we decided we loved each other more like friends, not like people who marry each other. What do you think about you and I and Uncle Sean always living together, like a family?"

"I love Uncle Sean, too," Wilbur said, climbing up to put his arms around Sean's neck for a hug. Sean hugged him back, smiling at Christian.

"Uncle Sean loves you too," Sean said to Wilbur.

"Will Auntie Liz still visit?" he asked, settling on Sean's lap instead of the lounger. Lipo decided he should get in on the family picture, and put his front paws up on Christian's legs, making it clear he expected his share of affection. Christian stroked the dog's head.

"She's always welcome here, and she loves you, so I'm sure you'll still see her often," Christian said.

"Dr. Troy, I am going home for today. Wilbur was a good boy today, no problems," Rita said, poking her head out the patio door.

"Thanks, Rita. I appreciate you staying late on short notice," Sean said.

"My pleasure. Wilbur and I had a good time," she said, smiling. "See you tomorrow."

After Rita left, Sean looked at the clock. "We should get dressed, and I need to call Matt and make sure he'll be there."

"He's probably busy racking things up on your credit card," Christian said.

"I told him to get what he needed for school."

"He's not twelve anymore, Sean. He's a spoiled man."

"I recall a time when you were the one who was so indulgent and I was the hard ass everyone didn't like and tried to get around."

"I like you, Uncle Sean," Wilbur said.

"I like you, too," Sean responded, smiling. "We'll talk about this later," he said to Christian.

"C'mere, kid," Christian said, pulling Wilbur over to his lap for a hug. "Doesn't your poor old Dad get in on this lovefest?"

"What do you think, Wilbur? Should we give your dad some love?" Sean asked, reaching over and tickling Christian.

"Knock it off, Sean," Christian warned, though he was already laughing. Wilbur got in the spirit, adding his own little hands to the assault on Christian's midsection. Neither Sean nor Christian could remember the last time they'd really laughed, just sharing a moment of total goofiness. Wilbur's delighted shrieks when they turned the tickling on him were good medicine for the stress and fear they'd been living with during Christian's illness, and in the aftermath of Sean's bad experience.

********

"When are you going to move your stuff in here?" Christian asked, spraying on a little cologne while Sean leaned on the dresser, watching him. Sean was dressed already, Christian lagging behind a bit after helping Wilbur into his suit and dress shirt. He looked very much like a little Christian in his dark suit and red shirt. Sean was dressed in a taupe suit with a subtle monochromatic stripe and a slight sheen to the fabric. The cream colored shirt and the tie that nearly matched the color of the suit were a perfect compliment to Sean's coloring. He held the jacket of Christian's favorite dark Armani suit while his partner slipped into it.

"I know I don't have your wardrobe, Christian, but unless I can fit all my clothes in my gym bag, where would you like me to put my stuff?" he said, gesturing at Christian's loaded, meticulously organized, closet.

"I just don't want to feel like we're having sleepovers in each other's rooms. I want to do it the way married people do it. Getting dressed together in the morning, running into each other at the john, you know what I mean."

"I know what you mean," Sean said, with a soft smile.

"I'll move my stuff that I don't wear much to your room, if you'll bring the stuff you wear all the time in here," Christian offered.

"Now I know it's love," Sean teased.

"That's an understatement," Christian said, pausing in his preparations to kiss Sean, lingering there as if they weren't already running late for their own party. "You taste better than dinner," he said, grinning.

"It's the last of the champagne," Sean said.

"I've tasted champagne on someone before. It's you." Christian went to his night stand and turned on the small CD player there.

"What are you doing? We're going to be late as it is," Sean said.

"This party is in my honor, so we can celebrate life. This is the way I want to celebrate it." The first strains of "Moonlight Serenade" wafted into the room. Christian took Sean in his arms and started swaying them slowly to the music.

********

Matt hurried in the door, knowing he was late for the party Sean had asked him to attend, with Jenna if possible. His daughter in his arms, he followed the sound of music toward Christian's room. Halting by the semi-open door, he was stunned by what he saw. Christian and Sean were swaying together to some old love song, Sean's head on Christian's shoulder, Christian holding Sean's hand close to his heart. He couldn't remember ever hearing Christian sing a note in his life, but he could just barely hear him very softly singing the words of the old song in Sean's ear. He couldn't remember ever seeing Sean look quite so at peace, or so in love.

At first he thought they might be clowning around, but after a few seconds, it was apparent the moment he'd walked in on was no joke. Suddenly, he felt as if he were watching something more intensely private than sex. As the song ended, they kissed, a soft, sweet, prolonged meeting of lips with just a little tongue. Christian took Sean's face in both hands and this time, the kiss was more passionate, eager, as if he wanted Sean right there and then, as if nothing else in the room, or in the world existed. Neither of them even noticed they weren't alone. Their focus on each other was so exclusive it swept away everything else.

Sean pushed Christian back on the bed and they kept on kissing, until Sean finally pulled away a little, still lying on top of Christian, looking down at him with naked love and passion on his face.

Then Christian noticed they weren't alone, and raised up, dislodging Sean, who stood.

"Jesus, Matty, clear your throat or something," he said, and Sean looked positively stunned, and a little guilty, as if he'd gotten caught doing something he shouldn't have.

"Sorry...I, uh, didn't expect to have to, y'know?"

"Matt, this just happened in the last day or so. We were going to talk to you about it tonight," Sean said. "We didn't mean for you to find out this way."

"This is something weird that's happening because of the cancer, because you're dying?" Matt said, and the bluntness of it visibly stung Sean. Matt almost regretted saying it, but this was all so surreal. Part of him couldn't begrudge two people who had loved each other all their lives sharing the kind of passion he'd seen, especially when their love story was about to come to an abrupt and awful end. Another part of him wondered if that's why his father didn't stay with his mother, and why Christian never seemed to love anyone for more than a brief time.

"I'm not dying, Matty. This is about my living, about the fact that I love Sean with every cell in my body, and the fact none of those are active cancer cells. My diagnosis was a lab error. I'm in remission."

"You're going to be okay?" Matt asked, feeling the bottom drop out of his stomach. The thought of Christian dying was unthinkable. The thought of losing either of his fathers was something he'd been trying to come to terms with since he'd found out about the cancer. Now, they all had a reprieve.

"I'll have to get periodic lab work done just to make sure nothing recurs, but I got a clean bill of health," Christian replied.

Matt moved into the room and handed Jenna to Sean, hugging Christian, who returned it with a firm embrace.

"I'm glad you're okay," he said, for the moment not addressing what he'd seen. "I thought you were gonna marry Liz," he said, though he knew it was a lame way to bring up the obvious.

"I was, but I was doing it for all the wrong reasons, and as much as I love Lizzie like a sister, I don't love her the way I should to marry her. It's complicated, but some things happened that made me realize that I did love your dad that way."

"And Christian's illness was a wake-up call for me, when I realized we didn't have forever to dance around each other, flirting with it but never doing anything." Sean smiled at Jenna as she put one chubby hand over his mouth, giggling. He kissed the little hand and held it in his. "I hope you can accept this, Matt. It would mean a lot to us."

"I can't lie and say it didn't freak me out," Matt admitted. "But it's pretty obvious you guys are crazy about each other, and I'd feel like some kind of asshole to try to split that up."

Sean walked up to Matt and hugged him with his free arm. "Thank you," he said in a strained voice.

"You deserve to be happy, Dad. I think you are now," Matt said, stepping back.

"I thought this was going to be a big deal," Sean admitted, letting out a relieved little chuckle.

"So is tonight like an engagement party or something?" Matt asked, still trying to wrap his mind around his two fathers in that situation.

"It started out as a remission party, but I like your idea better," Christian said. "I'd like to make an honest man out of Sean - - you know, not keep him living in sin like this."

"Don't you think that might be a little awkward for Liz?" Sean asked. "I'm not saying we have to downplay our relationship, but I don't think we ought to make a big deal out of it when you just broke it off with Liz."

"You're right. But I reserve the right to celebrate all the good things about being alive," Christian said, flopping one arm around Sean and one arm around Matt.

********

Dressed in a black evening dress and stole around her arms, high heels, and carrying an evening bag, Teddy fit right in with the well-dressed and somewhat conservative crowd at the upscale restaurant. When Lisa, the McNamara/Troy receptionist called with the invitation, she wasn't aware yet that Teddy had been fired. Teddy didn't enlighten her.

"Could you direct me to the McNamara/Troy party?" she asked the host.

"Right this way," he said, leading her toward the stairs descending to the lower level. "I'm afraid dinner was served already, but I would be happy to personally take your order."

"Thank you, but I won't be staying. Tell me, do we have one of the rooms with the large video screen?"

"It was the only room we had open on such short notice, but our staff did a lovely job of decorating the room for the dinner party."

"Actually, I was hoping it was, because Dr. McNamara requested we have a tape played during the party - - I'm afraid I'm a little in the doghouse with my boss for not getting here sooner. Can you show me how to do that?"

"I can do that for you," he offered.

"Just give me a moment or two and then play it if you would," she said, handing him the tape.

********

"If I could have everyone's attention," Sean said, tapping his glass with his fork. "When we got the good news today about Christian's remission, I wanted to do something to mark it so I set up this party. Then I got to thinking that even a great party is fleeting, and time has really come to mean a lot to us over the last few months." Sean finally took out the gift bag he'd kept at his feet under the table and handed it to Christian. It was a small, glossy black bag with a pouf of red tissue paper inside. "So I got you this, Christian. I can't picture the last twenty-five years without you, and I can't picture the rest of my life without you, either."

"You didn't have to get me anything, Sean. Going through this, thinking I was dying, was difficult, but it led to the most amazing gift I've ever received." He leaned toward Sean and kissed him. "Oh, my God, this bag is from Cartier." Christian pulled the square box out of the bag and opened the hinged top. Inside was a platinum watch with a black face, accented by a single diamond at the twelve o'clock mark. "Sean, this is...stunning," Christian said, looking at it almost reverently.

"I had it inscribed," Sean said.

"When?"

"I actually got it before we knew about the remission, and I was waiting for the right time to give it to you."

"You were going to invest in a Cartier watch for a guy who wasn't going to be around to wear it?" Christian teased, smiling a little.

"You're worth a Cartier, Christian. For six months or sixty years," he replied, and a few of the women graced them with a chorus of "awwww."

Christian turned it over. Thank you for the best times of my life. Love, Sean.

"That's really beautiful," Christian said, his voice tight with emotion. He took off the watch he was wearing and handed it to Sean, expertly freeing the designer watch from its box, and putting it on with flair. "So's this," he said, checking out the watch. "Thank you." He hugged Sean.

"Thank you for being in my life," Sean replied.

"Congratulations, Christian," a female voice distracted them from the moment. Teddy stood at the table, smiling sweetly. "On cheating death and your relationship with Sean. No wonder he hasn't returned my calls."

"Teddy, this is totally inappropriate for you to show up here tonight," Sean said, trying to keep his voice low.

"I was invited," she replied, loud enough for everyone to hear her. "Lisa called me this afternoon. I'm glad she did, because I had a gift of my own to share with you two. No hard feelings, Sean. It's certainly understandable why things didn't work out for us, now that I know how things are between the two of you," she said. "Best wishes to both of you."

As if on cue, the large TV screen at one end of the room sprang to life with a grainy black and white image. The sound of leather hitting flesh rang out through the stereo speakers. Then the sound of stilettos on a cement floor.

"What else am I going to do with my pretty slave? Maybe I should use one of my toys on his pretty ass."

"What the hell is this?" Christian demanded, standing.

"My partner has a ten-inch dick."

Sean was horrified to see himself on the large screen, naked, chained to the wall, his back marked from the whip while the dominatrix paced behind him, running the whip over her hand as she contemplated his answer. He couldn't move. He felt a rush of something simultaneously hot and cold sweep over him. Then the dominatrix appeared in the frame holding a huge dildo, just before a heavy object hit the screen, shattering it. Sean felt Christian's hands on his shoulders, and he was grateful for the steadying influence they had on his nerves. Now, if everyone else in the room would just disappear so he didn't have to look any of them in the eyes, didn't have to look up and see their horrified faces.

A moment later, the sound was cut.

"What was that?" Matt asked, approaching Sean and Christian.

"Not now, Matty," Christian said, holding up a forestalling hand.

"I think this is a good time for us to go home," Liz announced to the other guests present, holding Wilbur in her arms. "Do you want me to take Wilbur home with me tonight?" she asked Christian.

"That would be a big help. You still have some of his stuff at your place, right?"

"Yes, we'll be all set. Call me," she said, heading out of the room. The rest of the guests took the cue and filed out, the happy, festive tone of the party destroyed.

"Teddy did this. Where the hell did she go?" Christian asked.

"She left as soon as the tape started rolling," Matt said.

The Harbor Club's manager, an older man in a dark suit, entered the room.

"Someone will have to be responsible for the damages," he said, approaching Christian since Sean was still seated, his forehead resting on his hand.

"Who's responsible for letting someone walk in off the street and play any videotape they see fit for one of your private parties?" Christian demanded. "Don't worry about your screen. I broke it, I'll buy it. Just put it on the tab for tonight."

"Your tape," the manager said, handing it to Christian. "We don't condone this type of pornography at the Harbor Club."

"Isn't it obvious that they didn't choose to have that tape shown at the party tonight?" Matt asked, the anger plain in his voice. "You should be apologizing for letting this happen. You ought to eat the cost of that TV screen in the hopes they don't sue you and your fancy restaurant for your shitty security."

Sean stood. "Let's get out of here," he said to Christian and Matt.

The silence was deafening on the ride home. Jenna's occasional vocalization from her car seat and Matt's response were the only conversation as Christian drove them home in Sean's car. Sean spent most of the ride staring out the passenger window, hoping no one in the car looked at him or spoke to him. He was trying to envision ever walking into the office again, head held high, managing his staff, who had all been treated to a full visual presentation of the most humiliating and intensely personal moment of his life.

He was almost sorry when they did arrive home, because it meant explaining all this to Matt, and facing Christian after he'd gotten an eyeful first hand. The only person he didn't dread seeing was Jenna, who was too little to know what was happening, and therefore would still give her grandpa the same big grin she always did. So he busied himself extricating her from her car seat and carrying her into the house, while Matt and Christian went inside first.

"What the hell was that, anyway?" Matt asked as soon as Sean had crossed the threshold with Jenna in his arms.

"Give him a break, Matty," Christian said, pouring three drinks and swallowing his own in one gulp before pouring seconds for himself and setting the other two glasses on the table.

"Would you take Jenna so I can talk to Matt?" Sean asked, handing her off to Christian.

"I can put her down. She's way past her bedtime." He smiled at his granddaughter and kissed her cheek as he took her from Sean. "You don't have to do this right now. It can wait until morning."

"I need to do it now."

"Okay." Christian leaned over and kissed Sean, taking him a little by surprise. "Holler if you need me," he whispered, before taking Jenna with him to put her to bed.

Matt was sitting at the table now, having taken a drink of the liquor that was there, though he didn't look assuaged by it. Sean sat across from him, taking a swallow of the drink.

"I went to an S&M club with Teddy. I didn't know that's what it was. She told me to wear something casual, and to wear some leather."

"Do you even own anything leather?" Matt asked, and Sean was grateful for the slight levity of the question.

"A jacket, that's about it. So I wore that with jeans and a t-shirt. I almost looked tough," Sean quipped, and Matt actually laughed. "I thought we were going to a biker bar. I was scared shitless," he admitted. "I'm not exactly the biker type, and with Teddy, you never know what you're getting into. Given the leather and the fact we were on her bike made me think that's what it was all about. When we got there, it was pretty obvious it was a different kind of leather scene."

"You could've just left."

"You're right. I did exactly the very thing I always tried to teach you and Annie not to do - - I did something stupid because someone talked me into it, because I wanted her to think I was...I don't know...not uptight, I guess. And she had been telling me I needed to deal with my feelings about Christian's death, and that somehow this would help. She said that aside from the physical rush some people get from the pain, that it has some kind of cathartic effect. In other words, if I couldn't get the emotions out I was feeling about Christian dying, or was somehow holding them inside, physical pain would be a release valve that would give me an acceptable way to express pain."

"That sounds like a lot of bullshit, Dad."

"To me, too, now. At the time it made a sick sort of sense. So I went along with it. I also know that S&M often involves...toys. The feelings I was having about Christian's death that were giving me problems had nothing to do with an inability to confront my impending grief. I cried in the shower when I needed to. I didn't want to bring Christian down while he was planning his wedding, but I didn't have trouble tapping into the pain. I had trouble shutting it off. The feelings that were the hardest to cope with were the ones... I thought we were running out of time, and if we were ever going down that road, this was the last chance."

"To be lovers?"

Sean nodded. "I needed to know if I could handle it. I didn't want to break up Liz and Christian, if that's what he wanted. I thought maybe just one time..." Sean finished off his drink. "This is harder than I thought."

"You wanted to know if you could have sex with a guy, I get it. So you thought this was a chance to experiment."

"I guess so. I didn't handle it well. She thought I was experienced when I said what I said. I kept thinking maybe I could just push past the pain. I know, I'm a doctor, I should know better."

"I wasn't going to say that, Dad."

"Why not? I deserve it. I acted like an idiot."

"You were freaked out about Christian dying, so you did something stupid and self-destructive." Matt leaned back in his chair. "It's not like you're the only one here who's ever done something stupid when he was upset." He paused. "So, uh...are you okay? Is that why you were lying on the couch the other night?"

"When it was over, I didn't want to hook up with Teddy again. I got dressed and walked to a convenience store that wasn't too far away, and called Christian. He picked me up and took me to the office and patched me up. I guess it felt worse than it was. I needed some stitches, and I took it easy most of the next day. He gave me enough sedatives and painkillers to keep me sleepy until about dinner time."

"You think Teddy set you up to tape you?"

"No. The dominatrix gave me the tape back. She was upset that I needed medical attention and that she misread me. I guess Teddy knows her and told her there was a problem. Even this damn tape getting into the wrong hands was my own fault. She came to see me at the office, and I stuck the tape in my desk drawer and mostly forgot about it. With everything that was going on with Christian, and the lab work, and then we found out he was okay...the tape was the last thing on my mind. Teddy must have found out that I had it, and went looking for it."

"Why didn't you just tell me about this before?"

"I was ashamed of it, Matt. I had a hard enough time telling Christian."

"I'm glad you're okay. That thing looked like a baseball bat, not a dick."

"Tonight was the first time I actually saw what it was." Sean paused. "I could have lived without seeing it." He looked at his empty glass and got up to refill it. "Thanks for being so understanding about this," he said, taking a couple swallows.

"You've stuck up for me a couple times when I never thought you would. Cleaned up my messes, like Cara and Cherry." Matt was quiet a moment. "I was driving the car that hit Cara. Henry and I were high, we didn't even see her," he added, his voice strained. He looked up at Sean, expecting to see reproach or anger. Instead, he saw little change. "You knew, didn't you?"

"I wasn't sure until the day of the deposition, but I had a feeling. Not because I thought badly of you or didn't trust you, but nothing else made sense. Your devotion to Cara and her recovery, even beyond getting me to fix her face... I knew you were trying to fix something, set something right. Just like when you asked me to fix Cherry's face."

"You never said anything."

"I'm guilty of not wanting to see your future go the way of Henry's. He did something violent and intentional to that poor girl. You made a stupid mistake - - not unlike a few your old man seems capable of making. I didn't want you spending your youth in prison. So I kept my mouth shut, and fortunately, it all went away."

Matt stood and approached Sean, and they embraced. "Thanks, Dad."

"You're my son, Matt, and you having Christian's genes just makes you more special to me because you're our son. I'll always be here for you if you need me."

Matt stepped back. "Growing up, I always thought Christian was the cool one who'd have my back no matter what."

"He does."

"I know he doesn't think much of me hanging out here and you paying my way through college."

"He wants you to have a good life. We both do. Our opinions might be different on the best way to make that happen, but we both want you to be a happy, successful man who can be a good father to Jenna."

"I want that, too."

"I know. You'll get there."

"You know, Dad, what happened with that woman at that bar, it wasn't your fault. You just got in over your head."

"Thanks. I'm not sure I believe it, but thanks."

"I'm gonna turn in. It's been a long day."

"Yeah, you can say that again." Sean watched Matt head down the hall to his room, then poured himself another drink.

"Take it easy on those." Christian came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Sean's middle. "I have plans for you later that don't include alcohol-induced erectile dysfunction."

"I'm sorry about the tape, Christian. I forgot all about it being in the desk."

"I'm sorry about the tape, too, sweetheart, because I know how upset you are about it."

Sean closed his eyes and hung on to the endearment. Something about it soothed what was a very raw wound at the moment.

"I'm sorry it ended up embarrassing you, too."

"If you'd said I had a six-inch dick, I might have been pissed off, but you gave me full credit." There was a little smile in Christian's voice.

"You know what I mean." Sean wanted to share the humor, but he just couldn't muster any levity at the moment.

"Don't let Matt mess with your head, Sean. This wasn't your fault."

"He didn't. He was great about it."

Christian released his hold and put his hands on Sean's shoulders, urging him to turn so they were facing each other.

"What Teddy did to you with that tape was no better than what that bitch with the giant dildo did to you that night."

"Everybody we work with, Christian... How am I supposed to go into the office and act like nothing happened? How do I manage the staff after something like this? I don't want to even look them in the eyes let alone do their annual evaluations."

"We'll hire a new staff."

"That's great, Christian, then I can be responsible for all those people losing their jobs."

"Then we'll call a staff meeting, together, and we'll explain that it was an unfortunate situation you found yourself in during a very emotional and difficult time, not some hidden dimension to your life they don't know about, and that we hope they'll let it go as that, and not perpetuate what was an unthinkably cruel prank by gossiping about it."

"You almost make me believe that," Sean said.

"Because that's what it was. It's the truth, Sean. You don't hang out in dungeons in your spare time, you don't like to be hurt, and you sure as hell aren't an exhibitionist. That bitch raped you with that thing, and Teddy did it again tonight by running that tape at the party."

"I just wanted tonight to be really special for you. And this is how it ends."

"Yeah, terrible, huh?" Christian pulled Sean into his arms. "I'm standing here, alive, in remission, holding you in my arms in our home, wearing a kick-ass Cartier watch."

Sean had to laugh at that last remark, even if he still felt devastated and humiliated by what had happened. He stepped back a little, determined not to wallow in his own misery. What shred or two of celebration was left in Christian's morale from the evening, he deserved to enjoy.

"You know, I've been thinking about something," Christian said. "Maybe this isn't the right time to bring it up, but maybe it is. We have caterers, a beautiful banquet facility - - hell, we even have a great band - - all set up for two weeks from now. How about it, Sean?"

"How about what?"

"How about putting on our tuxes and marrying each other in front of God and everybody?"

"You'd want to do that after what happened tonight?"

"I wanted to get married. To commit to someone I knew would always be there, would help me raise Wilbur, would share my life and eventually, my death. I love Lizzie, and she's a wonderful friend, but I picked the wrong person to stand by my side at that ceremony. That person is you, and it always was. All that's supposed to change because something cruel and humiliating happened?" Christian took both of Sean's hands in his. "I know we committed to each other in private, but I'm asking you if you'll get up there in front of a few hundred of our closest friends and say some vows with me. Let's do the whole hearts and flowers and cake and overpriced food together. Let's have wedding pictures we can frame or put in an album. Let's let Wilbur show off his ring bearer skills. Let's dance to some romantic song at our wedding reception. Why should our commitment to each other be worth less than that?"

"It's worth everything to me, no matter what kind of party we do or don't have for it."

"Then let's treat it the way it deserves to be treated - - with a real wedding and a real honeymoon in Italy. Come on, partner, what do you say?"

"Okay," Sean agreed, smiling. It was hard to stay miserable in the face of Christian's enthusiasm, and getting harder and harder to feel as dirty and guilty when Christian was so vehement that the tape didn't matter, that none of it mattered as long as they were together.

"Okay," Christian repeated, smiling. "You don't have any problems with premarital sex, do you?"

"Only if I don't get enough of it," Sean replied. He picked up the tape and stuck it in his briefcase, which was sitting on the floor near the table. "We'll figure out the best way to destroy that thing in the morning," he added, as they walked back toward Christian's room together. Christian closed the door, and Sean pushed hm back against it, kissing him intensely, his hands grasping the lapels of Christian's suit. The fact Christian was too busy kissing back to scold him for scrunching a five thousand dollar Armani suit was proof of where the rest of their night was headed.

"You two really do have a hot time together, don't you?" Teddy's voice startled them from where she sat on the foot of the bed, legs crossed, a gun aimed at them.

"What do you want?" Sean asked, more anger in his voice than fear. "How in hell did you get in here?"

"A returned phone call would have been nice. Maybe the courtesy of telling me the reason you dumped me wasn't because someone stuck a dildo up your ass, but because you were banging your partner," she replied, matching his anger, and raising it a few notches. "To think I actually was worried about you. Whatever you got the other night, you had coming."

"Okay, Teddy, you're right. What happened at the club wasn't your fault, but I was upset, and I didn't handle the situation well. I should have called you back, and I should have told you about Christian and me before you heard it another way," he said, obviously trying to assuage her.

"You even put your partner up to firing me so you didn't have to face me."

"That was my idea," Christian said. "You've been a disruptive influence in the practice since you started here. Firing you wasn't Sean's decision, it was mine, so don't blame him."

"Oh, fuck you, Christian. The two of you are Frick and Frack. One can't take a shit without the other there to wipe his ass. If Christian fired me it was because he knew it was what you wanted, Sean."

"If you stop this now, Teddy, no crimes have been committed. Nobody's gotten hurt, and we'll just forget the whole thing. You're a doctor, for God's sake. You want to give that all up just to get back at me because I didn't call you back?"

"I cared about you. You obviously didn't care anything about me."

"I did care about you. I do care. I already said I was sorry for how I treated you. What happened with Madame Ramona shook me up and I wasn't thinking clearly."

"You were thinking clearly enough to rush into the arms of your partner. Tell me, is Christian really that big? I mean, if he's got a dick as big as that dildo, he should be in the circus, not the medical field."

"What's your real problem, lady? Jealous you didn't get a chance to try it out for yourself?" Christian goaded. Sean swallowed nervously and watched the exchange. Christian wasn't good at assuaging deranged people who wanted to victimize him. He'd antagonized Quentin when they were strapped down to surgical tables, and now he was going after Teddy. And just like with Quentin, he was trying to deflect the rage to himself, and away from Sean.

"Let's see what all the fuss is about," she said, gesturing at Christian. "Come on, let's see that famous Christian Troy saber."

"Teddy, come on. You're angry at me. There's no reason to take it out on Christian," Sean said.

"That's sweet. You're defending his honor, as if he has any. The staff filled me in on the Christian Troy legend. He's waved that thing around at enough women that showing it to one more shouldn't be a problem."

"Fine," Christian said, unzipping his fly and releasing his cock.

"I bet that's pretty impressive hard," she said, standing, resting one hand on her hip while continuing to hold the gun on them with the other.

"Funny, I never could get it hard looking at you," he shot back.

"Oh, but you can get it up for Sean. You better start working on getting it hard, because you're going to need it to fuck your partner for me."

"You're insane." Christian tucked his dick in his pants and zipped them. "I'm not touching him in front of you, so you can just shoot me now and be done with it."

"You'd rather I killed you, when you just got a reprieve from the grim reaper? Or maybe you'd like to watch me shoot Sean instead. Then you can have a long, healthy life by yourself. Maybe I should make enough noise to wake Matt. Or I could just shoot both of you, Matt, and your granddaughter."

"Teddy, come on, I know you well enough to know you wouldn't harm a child," Sean said.

"Oh, really? Do you know me that well, Sean? Don't try me," she added.

"You're a doctor yourself. You know I can't do that to him this soon after what happened the other night without injuring him. You really think he deserves that because he didn't call you back after what your freak friend did to him?"

"Christian, just do what she wants. I know you'll be as careful as you can. Nobody's getting shot here tonight, and we're not putting Matt and Jenna at risk."

"That's the spirit, Sean. You know, I should have given you a try, Christian. You really are the exciting one of the two. Even now, Sean's already fallen into line and you're facing death just to piss me off."

"I've fallen into line because my family means more to me than some temporary pain and humiliation. If that's what you need to leave us alone, then fine. Tell me how you want to see it."

"Sean, this is bullshit. We can't do this without my dick, and I'm not doing it."

"That's okay, Christian. He can stick this up his own ass instead." She held up a dildo she'd had lying next to her on the bed. It looked suspiciously like the one in the video. "He's willing to do what it takes to keep me from shooting you, so we actually don't need you to participate."

"I can't just stick that thing in. It won't even go in me without some kind of lubrication," Sean said, and Christian couldn't believe he was actually thinking of doing something that awful to himself.

"You'll have to think of something. I'm sure you have lube in this room somewhere. Ah, here we go - - someone left a tube of Vaseline on the night stand. Gee, I wonder what that was used for last?"

"That thing'll tear him in half," Christian said, moving closer to Sean. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he didn't plan on ramming himself inside Sean and he wouldn't stand by while Sean injured himself to save them. "I'm not going to just ram inside him. This is going to take a little time."

"That's fine. I was hoping for a good show." She sat in a chair several feet from the bed, keeping the gun on them all the time. "Make love to him."

Christian leaned forward and kissed Sean on the mouth, lingering there a minute before kissing his way toward Sean's ear. "Trust me," he whispered.

"Do you two always have sex with all your clothes on? Let's see a little skin."

"Just ignore her and focus on me," Christian said quietly. He couldn't help but think of the perverted bargain he'd entered into with Burt Landau, how the twisted sex he and Michelle had been forced to engage in had made them both feel. He'd allowed that sadistic old asshole to manipulate him into that situation then, but if it was the last thing he did, he wasn't going to subject Sean to any more of this than he had to in order to maneuver them into a position where they had some chance for escape. Sean had already suffered enough violation and humiliation, and going through with it was out of the question for the pain and physical damage it would cause.

Sean had already taken off his tie, so all Christian had to focus on was unbuttoning his shirt. For once, he was glad for Sean's habit of wearing a t-shirt, since it gave him a way to "undress" him without exposing the marks on his back for Teddy's sick amusement. Sean pushed Christian's sport coat off his shoulders, and worked at the buttons on his shirt, though his hands were shaking enough not to be too effective at it. Christian helped him with it and threw the shirt aside. Somebody had to get at least partially naked to keep their captor convinced they were putting on a genuine show.

Christian moved them toward the bed, hoping his movements were natural enough that Teddy didn't catch on to the fact he was working to get the bed between her and them. He didn't know exactly how he was going to do it, but he knew he wasn't going to penetrate Sean for her sick amusement, and he didn't want either one of them shot, or Matt to walk in and be shot, caught unaware. He kept kissing and caressing Sean, who was trying to reciprocate, but Christian knew the cold sweat breaking out on Sean's skin and the pounding of his heart had nothing to do with passion. He knew how Sean's body responded to him in bed, and this wasn't it.

Christian eyed Teddy, taking in her smug grin and the lust in her eyes. She was shifting in her chair now, her free hand straying between her legs, rubbing herself as she watched them. He unfastened his own pants again, taking out his cock and stroking it.

"I'll make it as good as I can for you, Sean," he said, loud enough for her to hear it. He hoped Sean knew he wasn't going to put anything inside him. "Trust me."

"I do," Sean responded. Christian hated to take it this far, but he unfastened Sean's belt and tugged his pants down, leaving his boxers in place. He wanted them in a position where he could cover Sean if she fired at them.

"I love you," he said, taking Sean's face in both hands. "I need you to lean over the bed."

"It's okay, Christian. Do what you have to do." Sean's voice held a sad resignation to it, and turned away from him then and leaned over the bed, bracing himself on his arms.

"Look at me, Sean. I want to see your face when he's inside you," Teddy ordered, and he complied, though Christian could see the tremors in Sean's body. He didn't expose any more skin, but he did slide his hand inside Sean's underwear, watching Teddy arch a little in her chair as she held the gun on them with one hand and continued to pleasure herself with the other.

"You two really are hot together. Ever had a threesome with a woman in the middle?"

"Is that an offer?" Christian replied, unable to believe the opportunity this could give him to get out of hurting Sean or making some ill-advised move that could end up getting them shot.

"What do you think, Sean? Don't tell me you're not just the tiniest bit excited," she said, making her offer more obvious as she spread her legs a bit wider in the chair.

"What's in it for me?" he asked, straightening up, and Christian was relieved that Sean seemed to be on the same page.

"I get her pussy, you get her ass," he said to Sean. "You take us both at the same time," Christian directed at Teddy, who stood and hooked her finger in the waistband of her black thong underwear, sliding it down and stepping out of it without ever losing her aim with the gun.

"Get on the bed. I like being on top," she said to Christian, who opened his night stand drawer and took out a handful of rubbers, tossing them on the bed. He rolled one on, hating that his traitorous dick was getting hard. At the same time, it had to be in order to pull this off and get the gun away from her. She needed a huge distraction, and he had just the thing.

Once he stretched out on the bed, she hoisted her dress up to her hips and straddled him, keeping the gun steady, but not pointed directly at him. Before she could lower herself on his cock, there was a thud from behind, and the gun went off into the ceiling as she fell forward on the mattress. Sean used his discarded shirt to take the gun out of her hand and toss it on the floor. He still held the small decorative vase in his other hand that he'd used to knock her out.

"Nice shot, partner," Christian said, feeling a little ridiculous with a full hard-on in a condom and nowhere to put it. Knowing Matt would be rushing in any minute, he flipped part of the sheet over his naked groin and pulled himself into a sitting position. "Is she still alive?" he asked, and Sean checked her pulse.

"She'll be fine. I didn't hit her that hard." He put his shirt on just as Matt, predictably, burst in the door.

"What the hell's going on? I heard a gunshot."

"It was a wild shot," Sean said. "Everything's okay now. She broke in and was waiting in here when we got home. I think you should check on Jenna, just to be safe."

"Right, yeah, I will. Is that who I think it is?" Matt asked, referring to Teddy in her face-down, prone position on the bed.

"She was waiting in here when we came in. She had a gun on us the whole time until Christian distracted her and I finally found a use for this vase."

"I like that vase," Christian said defensively.

"So do I...now."

********

After the police left, and Teddy was en route to the hospital, already coming around, Sean stepped into the shower and stayed in there, letting the water rush over him, wishing he didn't feel as shaky as he did. They'd gotten out of it together, and Christian never would have hurt him. The police had been satisfied with the story that she was a spurned former lover looking for revenge, and Sean held onto the hope that she hadn't made copies of the tape. Maybe it was over.

Where in hell had Christian gotten a raging hard-on in the middle of it all? Sean didn't even get a twitch, and he'd been grateful to still have his underwear on throughout the whole mess. He'd been so nervous about having to make good on being penetrated when he was still in pain and healing from the ill-fated visit to Dragons, that he couldn't have responded if he'd wanted to. And he didn't want to - - not to Teddy, but not even to Christian when it was forced. When Christian was making love to him because someone had a gun on them.

Giving up on the shower making him feel any better, he turned off the water and stepped out, glad the door was still closed and Christian hadn't come looking for him. Normally, he loved having Christian in the shower with him. He loved even more how much Christian wanted him physically; that he lusted after Sean as much as he loved him. There was just something about the image of Christian, rock hard, waiting for Teddy to straddle him and ride his cock, that haunted him. That uncertainty of how far Christian would have gone, and whether or not he would have enjoyed it if they had screwed Teddy in some kind of perverted three-way. How much of the slightly lecherous look on his face was acting and how much was Christian Troy only inches away from sticking his dick in a hot, willing pussy.

Maybe he got off on sexually dominating someone who had been holding a gun on him. Maybe Sean had been so wrapped up in his own fear and embarrassment that he'd forgotten that Christian had been violated, too. While his partner never had any qualms about showing off his attributes, that didn't mean Christian enjoyed being forced to perform, or being forced to wag his dick around for some sicko's amusement. His well-timed erection had saved both their asses, literally and figuratively.

Sean turned and looked at his back, wishing the marks would just go away. They were much less painful, really only bothering him if someone slapped him on the back unknowingly, or if they rubbed too much on the sheets. Christian knew that, and didn't mind sacrificing a designer silk shirt just to prevent that while they made love. Deciding he was being an ass to even question Christian or why his dick was hard when it needed to be, he stepped into the clean shorts he'd brought into the bathroom and toweled off his hair, leaving it rumpled, tossing the towel on the floor. He went into the bedroom to find Christian stretched out on the freshly made bed, wearing a black silk robe, watching some old rerun on television. There was a champagne colored silk robe on the bed Sean couldn't remember ever seeing on Christian before.

"Naomi Gaines is doing a commercial for eyeshadow now," he said. "She looks beautiful."

"I'm glad. She deserved to get her life back."

"Put this on," Christian said, holding up the robe. "It'll feel good on your back, and you won't look bad in it, either," he added with a little grin.

"When did you get this?" Sean took the robe in both hands. It was so soft it felt as if it might melt in his hands. "It's beautiful."

"Yesterday. I just didn't have a chance to give it to you yet. Not quite the romantic night I had in mind, but I figured you could use a little cheering up about now."

Sean slipped into the robe. It did feel good against his back, much better than cotton or bed sheets. "Thanks. It feels nice." Sean climbed onto the bed and Christian held an arm out, waiting for him to lie down next to him, head on his shoulder. Sean was more than happy to be there, holding onto Christian with an arm around his middle.

"You know I wouldn't have done it to you, no matter what happened."

"I wouldn't have blamed you if you had to. I knew you'd be as careful of me as you could."

"Still hurts quite a bit, huh?" Christian kissed his forehead. "Stupid question, you don't have to answer it."

"It makes it hard to forget when it hurts all the time. Sometimes I worry that it won't ever feel good again."

"I know what you mean, Sean, but it will get better. That's probably not encouraging coming from someone who had phantom ass pain for six months, but for what it's worth," Christian added, and Sean chuckled. Only with Christian could he find humor in shared anal pain experiences. "When you made love to me that way, it felt good. It didn't hurt. I mean, I felt stretched out and a little achy afterwards, but it was good. And it'll keep getting better when we get more used to it."

"I loved being in you that way. I just feel like such an asshole for not being able to reciprocate."

"You got hurt, Sean. I wouldn't make you dance with me if you broke your leg, so I sure as hell don't plan on pressuring you to do that until you feel better."

"It's hard to wait so long to be able to stick it in something. I know that."

"So far I've had your hand and your mouth, and any other part of you I could hump. I'm not feeling deprived."

"I'm sorry you had to go through this shit with Teddy."

"We got through it in one piece, and hopefully she'll either get locked up or get therapy, but in any event, she won't be our problem anymore."

"You changed the bed. Again," Sean added, smiling. Christian had volunteered to change the chocolate and strawberry-stained sheets after their afternoon lovemaking, and now he'd done it again. "Thanks."

"It was that or watch an Andy Griffith rerun. I'd rather change sheets." Christian looked at his watch. "You want to know what time it is?"

"I'm glad you like it, Christian," Sean said, smiling.

"When did you get it? You said you got it before you found out everything was okay."

"I was going to give it to you for a wedding present, when you were going to marry Liz. I just wanted you to have something from me with you, to remember me once in a while when you were traveling and, you know, when you were planning to not be at the practice anymore, so you'd think about us and some of the good times we had."

"I didn't need a Cartier for that, Sean. Did you think I was just going to leave and forget about you?"

"No, not exactly, but I remember being married and having kids. It's a busy time, and your wife and family have to come first, and we thought time was so limited then... I didn't know how much time we'd have together, and I just wanted you to know how much the time we did have, meant to me. This way, even if you got busy with everything going on in your new life, you'd look at the watch and think about old times."

"Even if I'd married Lizzie and run off to Italy on our honeymoon, there's part of me that nobody could ever have - - the part that's yours."

"I'm really glad you're okay."

"Every time I look at this watch, I'm going to think about how lucky we are to have time to make more of those memories."

"Nothing else should matter when we've got each other, and we have a future."

"Don't beat yourself up because this other situation with Teddy or what happened at Dragons is still eating at you. I know it's not the first time we've been held hostage by some perverted lunatic, but that doesn't make it a more appealing way to spend an evening."

"Do you think she made copies of the tape?"

"Let's go see if we got the original." Christian got up, and Sean followed him to the kitchen where he'd stashed the tape in his briefcase. Sean took it out to look at it. "We need to destroy that damn thing before it gets anymore air play."

"This looks like the same tape Madame Ramona left with us," Sean said, looking it over. "There was a long code number or something written in black marker on it, and that's here. This is the original."

"My guess is she didn't make copies, then. If she had copies and other plans for them, I don't think she'd have given us the original."

"I guess it doesn't matter. Everyone we work with and most of our closest friends have seen it now, so short of airing it at halftime during the Super Bowl, there's not much more she can do to me with it."

"Do you want to keep that for any reason? Like suing Madame Ramona or Dragons?"

"I want it gone." Sean opened the top of the videocassette and began pulling the tape out of it. Christian went to the kitchen drawer and found a pair of scissors. Together, they painstakingly unwound the entire tape, chopping it up in small pieces until nothing was left but a pile of shreds that could never be effectively restored. As they dumped other trash on top of the pile of debris in a small trash bag, the first rays of dawn filtered through the drapes.

"It's history," Christian said, setting it in the trash can in the garage.

"I wish it was that easy to get it out of my head."

"That'll come in time." Christian pulled Sean into a hug. "Do you feel like you want to go to counseling? I'll go with you if you want, or help you find somebody."

"I don't think talking about every awful detail over and over again is going to make me feel any better." Sean backed away a little. "Planning our wedding and our trip might help, though."

"Getting out of here for a few weeks is probably just what the doctor ordered. I left a message for Linda to cancel our morning. We'll get some sleep and go in this afternoon."

"We can't keep cancelling things or we won't be able to afford to go anywhere."

"We've been up all night, and it was a pretty damned ugly night, so let's just get some rest so we don't inadvertently cut someone's head off in the OR. Our first surgery isn't until one, so we're good. Linda can reschedule the consults from this morning."

They got into bed, and settled on their sides, facing each other. Both were exhausted, and content to hold hands, and doze off together.

********

Being in the OR with Christian felt good. It felt right. Sean felt functional again, even if being at the practice made him uneasy since the previous night's unscheduled video screening. To the staff's credit, no one had been caught snickering and no one had given him any strange looks. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that he was walking through the office stark naked every time he passed the reception desk or stopped in the nurses' area to drop off or pick up a patient chart.

"Sean, can I talk to you a minute?" Liz asked, poking her head out of her office as he passed.

"Sure," he said, checking his watch. "I'm doing a consult with Christian in about ten minutes."

"This won't take long," she said, stepping aside as he entered her office and closing the door. "It's about last night," she began, as he sat in one of the visitor's chairs. Instead of going behind her desk, she sat in the other chair, turning it so they faced each other. "I had no idea you'd been through something like that, Sean. Are you okay?" she asked, reaching over and squeezing his hand.

"I'll be all right, Liz. Thanks. Christian took great care of me."

"I'm glad. I just wanted you to know that everyone here knows you well enough that no one is thinking badly of you."

"That tape doesn't really help my reputation. It sure as hell doesn't help my standing as one of the bosses around here."

"First of all, it wasn't on the screen very long. Christian had that glass of his airborne and headed for the screen before most of us could really see what was going on."

"Everyone's been very professional. I just feel like that's all they see when they look at me now, and I don't blame them. It's pretty hard to ignore something like that."

"Embarrassing things happen to the best of us, Sean. It's like when you were in school and something would happen that would make you swear you'd never show your face there again, and in a few days, everybody was focused on something else. Nobody's lives stand still. It's always worse in your mind than it is in everyone else's."

"You're probably right, it just feels pretty bad right now." He blinked a couple times, unhappy to have his emotions so close to the surface. "Sorry," he said with a little smile, brushing his hand past his eyes.

"People are more curious about what's up with Teddy. It was all over the news this morning that she was arrested at your place last night."

"She got in the house somehow, and she had a gun with her. We managed to distract her and disarm her, and called the police." Sean snorted a humorless laugh. "I sure can pick 'em, can't I?"

"You picked Christian."

"I guess everybody does at least one thing right in a lifetime, huh?" he replied.

"I hope it turns out well for you both, Sean. I really do."

"That means a lot to me. I hate the fact that we hurt you on the way to figuring out what was really there between us."

"Just try to remember that Christian is Christian, and he always will be. I know he loves you, that's obvious every time he looks at you. It has been for years. But I thought he was serious about making a commitment, and as soon as he was back on his horse, well..."

"You think he's going to cheat on me, is that what you're saying? That I should get ready for him to screw some bimbo he picks up in a bar?" Sean didn't mean for it to come out so harshly, but the part of him that had been unsettled by Christian's erection when he thought he was going to have sex with Teddy still was vivid in his memory. And it bothered him, though he'd have been loathe to admit it to anyone, including himself.

"I know you've had a rough time with the split with Julia, and now this whole mess with Teddy... You're my friend and I don't want to see you get hurt again."

"Christian isn't going to hurt me." Sean stood and headed toward the door.

"Sean, wait a minute." Liz was out of her chair and followed Sean to where he stood with one hand on the doorknob. "I didn't mean that I thought it would happen for sure. I just mean that Christian has a real problem when it comes to self-control. Maybe he'll overcome that for you."

"If I tell you something, you have to swear it doesn't leave this room. Not even to Christian," Sean said, his voice strained. "I need to talk to somebody about this..."

"Sean, of course, you can tell me. We're friends. I wouldn't break your confidence." She rested a hand on his back, since he hadn't yet turned to face her. "Is it about what happened on the tape?" she urged gently, since he seemed frozen there.

"No," he said, swallowing and turning to face her. "It's about last night, what happened with Teddy at the house."

"Sit down and tell me about it. You're not going to be much good to that patient if you're this worried about something."

Sean sat in the chair he'd occupied before, and Liz sat across from him.

"When we went into the bedroom, she was there, with a gun. The long and short of it was that she kept us at gunpoint and...she wanted to watch us have sex. Matt was in his room and Jenna was staying with us. There was nothing else we could do without endangering them."

"How far did it go?" she asked, taking Sean's hand.

"She wanted Christian to..." He closed his eyes. "This is hard."

"I can see that," she responded, squeezing his hand. "Take your time."

"She wanted him to screw me. He wouldn't. I thought she'd end up killing one of us. Finally, we started making love with her watching, but he didn't do what she asked. I told him to go ahead if he had to. I didn't want to lose him that way after we just found out we had some time together."

"Take a couple breaths, Sean." Liz scooted closer and rubbed his shoulder.

"She got turned on and wanted to get in the middle. I know Christian was thinking it would give us a chance to disarm her, a way for him to not have to hurt me to save our lives. We pretended we were going to do a three way, with her on top of him and me doing her from behind. When she was getting in position, Christian had this huge hard-on. I know he had to have one to make the whole charade work. I hit her over the head with something, since she had the gun pointed away from both of us for a moment and I was behind her...she got careless because she was turned on."

"That must have been pretty scary for both of you," Liz said, still patting Sean's shoulder.

"It's not even that. Isn't that awful? The thing that bothers me the most is that while she was straddling him, he had this raging hard-on. I mean, she demeaned him and violated him as much as she did me. I feel like such an asshole for even thinking this way. He was going to have sex with her to avoid having to hurt me."

"But part of you wonders where he got that big boner if he wasn't just a little bit turned on by her?"

Sean nodded. "He doesn't deserve the bad rap for this. He protected me, he would have died for me if it came down to that. I know the way he was moving us around that he was trying to get into a position where he could use himself as a shield for me if she fired at us."

"Whose body did he have his hands all over throughout most of that experience last night?"

"Mine."

"Did he even touch her, Sean?"

"I...I don't think so."

"I hate to break this to you, honey, but that big boner was for your hot body, not hers." She patted Sean's face lightly before sitting back in her chair. "He was making love to you when that was growing. Even Christian's doesn't spring to full attention that fast."

"I didn't think about it that way."

"Even if you get turned on, you can't go to full hardness in a few seconds. Plus, people often get aroused when they're sexually victimized in some way - - it doesn't mean they like it, or that they aren't still victims. Our bodies are traitorous things. You know, like a lesbian getting turned on because some guy crawls on top of her in the dark and pokes her a few times."

"Do you think Christian victimized you?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant. I just meant that sometimes our bodies react physically to the most inappropriate things, or things we shouldn't want, or maybe don't want on every other level, but our body has another idea. All I think you need to take away from this is that Christian already had that erection before Teddy suggested getting involved with the two of you sexually. He got it while he was touching you, not her."

"I feel like such an asshole. He doesn't deserve me doubting his motives, not the way he's treated me."

"Maybe it's not so much Christian you're blaming, as it is yourself you're doubting."

"You haven't suggested anything to me about Christian needing to be with women that I haven't thought about."

"What about you?"

"You mean with women?"

"Did you have any indications you were gay or bi before this happened?"

"No. I've never looked at another man that way in my life. But maybe I always kind of looked at Christian that way. He was always so handsome, so smooth with women...he has so much style... I've always been just a little in awe of him." Sean paused. "Don't tell him that, or I'll never live it down."

"Your secrets are safe with me," she said, smiling.

"I know they are." He stood up, and so did Liz. They shared a quick hug. "Thanks for listening."

"Anytime. You better go to that consult and land us a big job to make up for the last couple days," she quipped.

********

Christian was about to call the front desk to tell them to send the patient to him, that he'd start the consult without Sean, when his partner walked in the door, locking it behind him.

"Our patient's here," Christian said.

"This won't take long," Sean said, crossing the room and kneeling on the floor between Christian's legs where he sat in the chair behind he desk. He opened Christian's pants, freeing his cock, taking it in his mouth. The swiftness of all of it left Christian dazed, but his dick was springing to life even if his brain was taking a few extra seconds to catch on.

"Oh, yeah, you're getting good at this," Christian said, leaning back in the chair and losing himself in the hot, wet suction around his rapidly hardening cock. He touched Sean's hair gently, letting his fingers run lightly over the soft strands in a little caress he hoped let Sean know how much he was enjoying this.

Sean's hand found its way into his pants, fondling his balls, making him groan and mutter a couple unintelligible sounds. Fortunately, when he did come, he had the presence of mind to cover his mouth, because Sean's efforts drew a proper orgasmic cry of pleasure from the depths of his soul.

When Sean finally released his cock, he gently tucked it back into Christian's pants and fastened him back up again. Sean calmly stood and used a kleenex from the box on the desk to wipe the corners of his mouth, as if he were dabbing it with a napkin after a gourmet meal.

"Holy shit," Christian gasped.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Sean replied calmly. Straightening his clothes, he pulled out an antibacterial hand wipe and thoroughly washed his hands in case he had to have any tactile contact with their patient. Then he calmly sat in the chair next to Christian's and reached toward the phone to call the front desk and have the patient sent in. Christian intercepted his hand.

"You're just going to do that and then see a patient?"

"Why, didn't you have a good time?" Sean asked, one corner of his mouth turning up slightly. "I just wanted to do something nice for you."

"Do you, uh, want to wash out your mouth or something?"

"I'm not going to kiss the patient. I'll do that to you after we're done with her."

"Come here," Christian pulled on Sean's chair until he could reach him easily and kissed him, persisting until Sean responded, sliding his hand into Christian's hair, the kiss intensifying until they were wrapped in each other's arms and could barely force themselves to end it. "I love you," Christian said.

"I know you do," Sean replied, resting his forehead against Christian's. "Nobody else ever loved me like you do. I never loved anybody else the way I love you."

"I wish we could stay in here and just leave the rest of the world out there in the waiting room," Christian said, smiling with a regretful little sigh. He caressed Sean's cheek with the backs of his fingers.

"I think the rest of the world is out there in the waiting room. Our appointments are getting backed up," Sean added, smiling as Christian laughed.

********

Sean was sitting on the bed in his bedroom, leaning against the headboard. The wedding was coming up in a week, and both of them were taking responsibility for calling portions of the guest list and letting them know there had been a change in players since the invitations went out. For the majority of the guests, they'd simply sent out a tasteful card very briefly explaining that there would be a wedding, but it would be an exchange of vows between Sean and Christian, and noting a change in venue from the church to the country club where the reception was being held. The priest had declined to preside over a same sex ceremony, which didn't surprise them given the Church's stance on gay marriage.

Sean's first phone call, to Julia, was beginning to wear on him.

"Look, Jules, I'd just like to have some time with Annie before the wedding. I think it would make more sense for me to explain it to her in person," Sean argued, rubbing his temple as he spoke with Julia on the phone from New York.

"This is kind of a big bombshell to call and drop on me, Sean," she said. "'Christian isn't dying after all, and by the way, we're marrying each other'!" she paraphrased. "What about Liz? How is she taking this?"

"She's been amazing to both of us. I hoped you might be happy for us. Maybe at least happy for Christian, anyway."

"Of course I'm happy for Christian that he's in remission. I guess I'm just feeling a little foolish right now."

"Why?"

"All those years we were all friends, all the time there was a strain between the three of us because I slept with Christian and married you. None of that really mattered, did it? All the issues that defined my life for years really didn't matter, because it was all just secondary to what you two felt for each other."

"Maybe it was. Maybe that's part of what was wrong, but I don't think so. Christian and I had these feelings buried pretty deeply. I don't know if they ever would have come to the surface if something drastic hadn't happened."

"This is a lot of upheaval for Annie. I just got the kids settled here, and she's going to school - - "

"It's for a weekend, and she's my daughter, too, Julia. I want her to be part of this. We obviously can't have bridesmaids, but I'd like her to be a flower girl - - just to have some role in the wedding. Wilbur's doing the ring bearer duties, and Matt's standing up for us. I'd hoped to have Conor there, too. I can't believe you weren't planning to come to Christian's wedding when you thought he was marrying Liz."

"I wasn't. Liz knew that, and she was very understanding. With Ollie's death and just coming out here to New York... it's a lot to cope with."

"Were you even going to visit before Christian died?" Sean asked, not sure why it mattered now, but it did.

"He was going to be away with Liz."

"Not forever. I know, I was scared too that he'd get sick while he was traveling, or that...he wouldn't come back at all. But the doctor thought he had enough time to do that, and to be back home before the end."

"I didn't see a point in coming home to watch him die, Sean. I remembered Christian the way he'd like to be remembered - - healthy, alive, and full of himself."

"If that's all you remembered, then I guess you never really knew Christian anyway."

"You know what I meant."

"Yes, I know what you meant. I want Annie and Conor at the wedding, if I have to come out there and pick them up and fly them back here with me."

"You can't just demand that I fly them across the country. Besides, who's going to watch Conor while you're getting married? He's too little to sit through something like that quietly."

"You're not coming, not even to bring Conor?"

"Do you realize how much of my life was invested between the two of you? I don't think seeing you marry each other is really something I need to be there for."

"You're jealous?"

"Maybe just finished is more accurate. What's the point, Sean? It's always been about you and Christian, anyway. This soon after Ollie...she wanted to exchange vows, you know?" Julia asked, her voice shaky. "I kept putting her off. Maybe I just can't handle this right now."

"I understand. If Christian had died, I wouldn't have been up to dancing at a friend's wedding now, either. Just let me know the flight information for Annie, and I'll be sure we're there to get her at the airport. I know you're right about Conor. I just wanted to have him here."

"All right. I hope you and Christian are finally happy this way."

"We already are, but thanks. Take care of yourself. Give Conor a hug for me. God, I miss him so much. I'm serious about better visitation arrangements, Jules. When Christian and I get back from Italy, I want us to have some time with the kids so they get used to us together, and I want us to be an active part of their lives, more than we are now."

"We'll talk about it then. I'll let you know the flight details."

After he hung up, Sean looked at the short list of people he was to call personally. He made a few more calls, most of them being fairly short, sweet, and to the point. They ranged from surprise and then well wishes and promises to be there to courteous fumbling for an excuse. Fortunately, most of their friends and colleagues who were invited to the original ceremony were still planning to attend this one, and in good spirits.

Once he'd laid his phone aside, it rang again.

"Dr. McNamara, this is Detective Ryan, LAPD. I was at your home the other night when Dr. Rowe was taken into custody?"

"I remember you," Sean said.

"I wanted to let you know that we've reached a plea bargain in the case. She pled guilty to breaking and entering and carrying a concealed weapon in return for probation."

"She brandished a gun at us and tried to force us to have sex in front of her. She threatened the lives of our son and our granddaughter. Probation? What the hell is wrong with you people?"

"Calm down, Doctor. Can you seriously tell me that you and your partner are prepared to testify to that in open court? Her attorney also implied there were some issues you might find personally embarrassing to have brought up in court. I'm a pretty good judge of character, Doc. I don't think you'll stay on board to testify if we take this to trial. Besides, given her state of semi-undress when we arrived, I'd say we'd be lucky to get a conviction on the charges she's pleading to."

"Even if we testified in court, you don't think we'd win anyway?"

"We have two able-bodied men semi naked with one hot blonde with her dress around her hips. No one got shot. The jury's just as likely to buy her defense - - that it was all a kinky sex game that you wanted because after your visit to the S&M dungeon, you wanted to take it to the next level."

"Oh, bullshit."

"Yeah, well, it's believable bullshit. Her lawyer screened a tape for us of you engaging in some sadomasochistic activities."

The words hit Sean like a ton of bricks, and he worked hard to keep his composure. That one mistake seemed destined to haunt and humiliate him over and over again.

"Dr. McNamara?"

"I'm still here," Sean said, his voice considerably quieter than before.

"The tape is evidence. Once the case is closed, it'll be returned to you. Dr. Rowe admitted she stole the original and made the copy from that, so technically, it's your property."

"Thank you. I'm sorry I blew up before. The issue with the tape...I had no idea I was being taped. There are a lot of personal issues behind it. I don't do things like that..."

"You're not being charged with anything," Ryan said. "You don't have to explain the tape to me. Whatever it might mean to you, trust me, it's tame compared to some of the shit I saw when I worked Vice. You're not the first person to get in over his head in the S&M scene."

"That's gracious of you, Detective. I guess the plea bargain is probably best."

"I know it's not the outcome you'd hoped for, but I will make sure a restraining order is part of her probation terms. If she contacts you or harasses you or your partner, her probation can be revoked and she'll serve the rest of her sentence in prison."

"How long will her probation be?"

"The max we can go for on those charges - - five years. Some crime victims get some satisfaction from filing a civil suit in situations like these, when they feel the criminal sanctions are inadequate."

"Money isn't really what we were looking for. Thanks for calling to let me know."

"If you have any other questions on the case, you still have my card?"

"Yes, I know I have it here somewhere."

"Good. Thanks for your time." With that, he hung up, and Sean broke the connection on his phone, tossing it on the bed. "Shit."

He took off his tie and tossed it aside, loosening his collar. He pulled the laptop onto his outstretched legs and opened it, determined to stay on track with getting his part of the wedding preparations done. He still had a few phone calls left that he was putting off, mainly to some of their more conservative colleagues, whom he figured would decline attending, or would be less than thrilled for the happy couple. It remained to be seen how being so open with their relationship would play out in terms of their practice, but Christian was convinced that their female clientele would have no problems with it, and that being Hollywood, most of their patients or colleagues would be more cosmopolitan about lifestyle and sexuality than to worry about their surgeons' sexual preferences.

It had already hit a few tabloids, since Sean's fleeting fame on Hearts and Scalpels still put him on the occasional gossip radar, but Christian had been right about one thing - - the world hadn't ceased to turn on its axis, and life went on. Of course, that was assuming that another stray copy of that damn tape didn't surface somewhere else when it was least expected.

He started typing a few random thoughts for his vows, but somehow sitting there with an expectant white computer screen and blinking cursor wasn't inspiring him. And it was damn hard thinking about love and romance when you were picturing a room full of strangers sitting around watching you being whipped and violated with a giant dildo. As if on cue, but with startling speed, Christian came through the door and jumped on the bed next to him, bouncing him and the mattress, setting a wrapped gift box on the bed between them.

"Thought maybe you were as sick as I was of trying to figure out what to write," Christian said, closing the laptop and rolling over to set it on the opposite night stand.

"It's a good thing I hadn't written something really meaningful," Sean scolded, though it was half-hearted. What he'd written was trite, stale shit, and he far preferred being with Christian to trying to write any more of it. With what was weighing on his mind, he couldn't have put into words how good Christian's presence felt.

"Is everything okay?" Christian asked.

"I'm just really glad to see you." Sean put his arms around Christian and held on, glad to feel Christian's arms around him.

"What's the matter?" Christian asked, sounding confused. "Things not go well with Julia?"

"Not all that great, but she's sending Annie out here for the wedding, so that's something."

"Just Annie?" Christian pulled back a little, but situated himself next to Sean so their shoulders were touching as they sat on the bed together.

"She thought that Conor wouldn't really understand what was going on, and it would be hard for him to sit through an event like that. She's right about that, I suppose."

"Julia's not coming, huh?"

"Nope. She said it was too soon after Ollie for her to go to a wedding."

"I guess I can see that," Christian said.

"We lost a few guests with the change in players. I knew we obviously wouldn't have Liz's friends there, and she's called most of them. Some of our colleagues either had commitments that had come up in the meantime, or have found out they're on call that weekend - - of course, most of them managed to wish us well. I guess it's okay with them as long as they don't have to see us touch or say anything romantic to each other."

"I ran into some of those. Half of them probably think we've been screwing for years anyway, if you believe Liz's office lottery story. It's not like we hang out at the golf course with those stuffed shirts anyway, so who cares?"

"I don't, really," Sean said honestly.

"Is that all that's eating you?"

"Teddy plea bargained to breaking and entering and carrying a concealed weapon. They're going to give her five years' probation and a restraining order."

"Shit, that's not much for what she put us through. She threatened to shoot a baby, for God's sake."

"They got a copy of the tape," Sean said. "It's my fault they had to take a plea. She told them what she made us do was part of some escalating S&M game I wanted to play. After seeing the tape, it all seemed pretty plausible to the cops."

"Damn."

"I know, Christian. I'm sorry this happened, that the tape blew the case."

"I couldn't give a shit less about the case. I care about you."

"I was so scared," Sean said, surprised himself at what was spilling out. "It hurt so much and I knew I was bleeding. It didn't matter that I was screaming. I wanted her to stop it but it didn't matter if I screamed or begged her to stop. I knew it was tearing me up because it felt like this fire inside me. I pulled and I pulled on the cuffs but they were so tight and they wouldn't give way. I just wanted it to stop!" His heart was pounding, tears were streaming down his cheeks, and he was having trouble breathing. He felt like he was back in that cold cement block room in those restraints, powerless, terrified, and in pain. "I just wanted it to stop," he said again, relieved when Christian put his arms around him, holding him close. "I just want it to stop," he sobbed into Christian's shoulder.

"I've got you, Sean. I'm right here," Christian said, rocking them gently.

"I was so scared," Sean repeated, keeping his face buried against Christian. "The pain was awful and I thought it was tearing me in half and I'd probably bleed to death in that hell hole."

"I know, sweetheart. It wasn't your fault," Christian said, one hand lightly stroking Sean's hair.

"When it was over, I was shaking so bad I could hardly walk. I didn't know if I could make it out of there. She acted like it was no big deal. I thought she'd call for help or do something when she knew I was hurt, but she just undid the restraints and then left me there. I didn't understand how she could just leave me there bleeding like it was just nothing. Like I was just nothing."

"You didn't deserve to be hurt like that."

"Now I don't know how many of those tapes are out there, how many times I have to go through knowing that somebody else has watched me like that."

"The cops probably searched her place when she was arrested. I think they would have told you if there were more tapes found. She probably made herself a copy, and that's the one that's in evidence now."

"Detective Ryan said I'd get it back."

"This'll be over soon, I promise. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it'll get better. I'm going to find a way to make it better."

"You already have," Sean said, not yet willing to give up the shelter of being held close against Christian. For those moments, it felt so safe, like all the pain and the fear were held at bay. He savored that feeling, and treasured the fact he still had Christian to hold onto. His body was still shaking, all the pain and the emotions he'd experienced when he was violated having rushed to the surface, and finally gushed out in their frightening entirety.

"Just take some deep breaths, sweetheart. Your heart's pounding like a drum." Christian sat there quietly a few minutes, letting Sean calm down. "Everything's going to be all right."

Sean kept his eyes closed and tried to relax, focusing on the comforting sound of Christian's heartbeat beneath his ear, the familiar scent of him, and the warmth of his love that Sean always felt when he was close to him. Christian didn't rush him, didn't try to move him away. He just sat there on the bed, holding Sean, stroking his hair or gently patting his back once in a while. It wasn't until now that Sean even fully realized how deeply he'd been affected by what happened, what powerful emotions had been bubbling under the surface, beneath the tight controls he'd worked so hard to keep in place.

"I'm sorry," Sean said, feeling a little calmer now.

"It wasn't your fault. You know that, right?"

"I brought it on myself. I went there and let her chain me up to the wall like a dog. I thought it would be this playful, light stuff - - I didn't know she was going to beat me that way, I didn't think about safe words..."

"It went way too far. I'm just glad you're okay, that you called me to come and get you."

"I just needed to hear your voice and to know you were coming to get me. Once you got there, I could deal with it."

"Hey, look at me," Christian urged him to move back enough so they could have eye contact. He grabbed some tissues off the night stand and handed them to Sean to wipe his nose and eyes. "I brought you a present," Christian said, smiling. Sean couldn't help but smile back, Christian's beautiful smile as contagious as ever. "Come on, take a look at what I brought you." Christian kept one arm around Sean, and handed him the gift that was the size of a shirt box.

"What's the occasion?" Sean asked, surprised that opening the gift actually was making him feel better.

"I love you and I wanted to get you a present."

Sean smiled at that. It wasn't the present itself that was soothing the rawness of his emotions, it was the way Christian made him feel like the most important person in his world. He opened the box and pushed back the tissue paper. Inside was a silk shirt identical to the one Christian had given him to wear when they were making love, the one that had fallen victim to chocolate sauce, strawberry stains, and assorted blotches of whipped cream.

"We'll be loading up on clothes in Milan, but this is special. It's the same shirt, only in your size, that you wore the other day."

"It's beautiful, Christian, but I should be buying you a new one, considering the condition I left yours in."

"When we were making love and you were naked except for that shirt hanging off your shoulders, you took my breath away. It's a moment I never want to forget."

"Sometimes it's hard for me to believe that you see me that way," Sean said, fighting the lump in his throat.

"You see me that way now, don't you?"

"I have a little confession to make," Sean said, smiling. "I always have. I don't mean I always knew I wanted us to be together like this, but I always knew I liked looking at you, that even as a plastic surgeon, there was nothing I could do to you that would improve on nature."

"You're good for my ego, sweetheart," Christian quipped, "but I'm sure there are things that could be improved."

"You can have all the lipo and hair plugs or whatever else you think you need, Christian, but in my eyes, you don't need to change anything, because you're who I love to look at, not some synthetic version of you."

Christian didn't say anything, but he set the box aside and took Sean in his arms, kissing him and sliding them both down to lie on the bed. They spent a long time just kissing, content to relax together and make out, enjoying the love and the closeness as ends in themselves. And, with characteristic sensitivity to his partner's needs, Christian seemed to know instinctively that Sean needed the closeness, but wasn't really in the mood for sex right then.

"Feeling a little better?" Christian asked, kissing Sean's forehead.

"A lot," he said honestly. "How can I stay miserable when I've got you?"

"It would be difficult," Christian said with his usual flair, and Sean hugged him for finding a way to make him laugh, to make him feel on top of the world when moments earlier, he'd felt like he was in a pit he could never get out of.

********

After visiting two jewelry stores on Rodeo Drive and not finding what they wanted, Sean and Christian entered the third store on their list, a prestigious jeweler with a long history in the shopping Mecca. Once they'd browsed a few moments, an attractive older woman in a navy business suit approached them.

"How may I help you gentlemen today?"

"We're looking for wedding rings," Sean said.

"Which one of you is the groom?" she asked, smiling.

"We haven't decided, but neither one of us is willing to be the bride," Christian quipped, flashing her his best smile.

"My apologies. Let me show you what we have in men's wedding rings. Are you thinking of plain bands, or something more distinctive?"

"Definitely something distinctive," Christian said.

"But not too flashy. We're surgeons, so we want something we can wear all the time, that'll hold up to a lot of hand washing, and not interfere with our gloves."

"Something small, smooth and distinctive, then," Christian summarized.

"We have some beautiful platinum choices, which is a very durable combination with diamond." She took out a tray of rings with varying sizes and cuts of diamond.

"This one's nice," Sean said, picking out a simple band with three small, square, channel set diamonds.

"Look at me a second," Christian said, and Sean complied. Christian held up another ring under the light, then looked back at Sean. "This one."

"I like it," Sean said, taking the ring from Christian and looking it over. It was a platinum ring with a brushed top surface and a small channel of several diamonds across the top. To the right of the center was a slightly larger blue diamond. Overall, the ring was tasteful and noticeable, but not too large or flashy.

"So do I. That blue diamond is almost the same color as your eyes," Christian said to Sean, and they held each other's gaze for a long moment before the salesperson's voice pulled their attention back to the ring.

"It's a nearly flawless stone," she said. "A lovely choice."

"That must be the difference. The stone's only nearly flawless," Christian said, and smiled when Sean seemed so moved by the compliment that he started to say something but didn't, just looking at Christian with love. "What do you think, Sean? Is this the one?"

"Yeah, I think so," he agreed, smiling.

"Do you have two of these?" Christian asked.

"Yes, I do. Would you like to try them on?" she repeated.

"Let's see how it looks," Sean said, taking the ring from the salesperson. He took Christian's hand in his and slipped the ring on his finger. "Looks like it belongs there," he commented, "well, if it was a size smaller," he added, smiling, since the ring didn't fit properly.

"I'll get the sizing rings and we'll determine your exact sizes," the salesperson said. "I'll get the other ring from our safe," she said.

"You really think that stone matches my eyes?" Sean asked, looking at the ring.

"It comes as close to the original as we can get. Nothing exactly matches your beautiful blue eyes, sweetheart," he said, his tone exaggerated. Sean laughed. "Hopefully she can get the show on the road. We're going to be late for the cake tasting."

"What? Didn't you and Liz pick something out already?"

"I picked out something Liz liked because it was her ball game. This is our wedding now. We had a good time at the last cake tasting we did together, didn't we?"

"It was memorable, I'll give you that," Sean said, smiling.

"So let's go back and do it again, and this time, it'll be for real. For our wedding."

"All right, gentlemen," the salesperson said, returning with a contraption that looked like a giant key ring that held a bunch of metal rings for sizing. "Who's first?"

"Let me see the nine," Christian said, holding out his hand.

"I think your ring finger is probably a bit larger," she said.

"I meant for his," Christian said. "I need to practice putting a ring on his finger anyway, so I get it right on the big day," he said, and then she smiled, selecting the ring in the requested size and handing him the awkward set of ring sizers. Christian took Sean's left hand in his and slipped the ring on his finger. It fit perfectly.

"How did you know my size?" Sean asked, puzzled. "I didn't even remember it myself."

"I've been watching these hands since we were kids in college. I know every inch of them," he said, still holding Sean's hand, looking into Sean's eyes. Then, with a slightly self-conscious little smile, he removed the test ring and handed it back to the salesperson. "I don't need you to check my size. I'm a ten," he said.

"You can say that again," Sean said, giving Christian an appreciative look that had nothing to do with his ring size.

********

When they arrived at the caterers for the cake tasting, they were surprised to meet the same hostess who had presided over their cake tasting for Christian's and Kimber's wedding. She hadn't been the one to assist with Christian's and Liz's visit, but she was aware that this session was to override a previous one, with a different partner.

"You probably don't remember me, but I assisted you with a previous cake tasting," she said. "I'm afraid I misjudged your situation at the time," she added, smiling. It was obvious they recognized her, too, and to her credit, she was trying to get the awkwardness resolved up front.

"It seems you saw something we didn't," Sean said. "This cake is for our wedding."

"Oh, congratulations," she said genuinely, her face breaking into a huge smile. "I know you were pulling my leg a bit last time, but you two were just so lovely together. I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks, we're pretty happy, too," Christian said. Sitting at the same table, he took Sean's hand in his and kissed it. "I'm not faking this time," he said.

"I have a cake I think you'll love. Let's start with that one, and work our way through a few of our newest creations."

"We're all yours," Sean said.

"If only," she quipped, and both men laughed. "I'll be right back."

"What are the odds?" Sean asked Christian.

"We keep using the same caterer. I guess we were bound to see her again."

"Hopefully this'll be the last time we do this."

"Oh, I don't know. It might be nice to renew our vows every twenty years. What do you think?" Christian was still holding Sean's hand, and Sean had made no move to pull it away. Buying rings, picking out cakes - - those were the times when you were supposed to be sappy and romantic, and he was determined to live every one of those times to the fullest with Christian.

"Maybe every ten years. We don't want to get too complacent with each other," Sean said.

"I'm not seeing that as a big risk, but I'd marry you every weekend if that's what turned you on."

"We'll just pretend it's the honeymoon every weekend. Saves a lot on caterers and outfits, and cuts right to the good parts."

"Here we are," the hostess said, bringing in a tray that held only one plate with one generous piece of a pure white cake with white frosting and sparkling silver leaves and curlicues for decoration. "All the decoration is edible, of course. The cake is white chocolate, as is the frosting. You can't see it well on this piece, but we also have silver hearts on the cake as well. This is a photograph of one we created recently.

"Wow, that's spectacular," Christian said. "What do you think?" He handed Sean the photo.

"It's beautiful. I think we should try it."

"If I remember correctly, you like to share," the hostess said, setting the single plate between them. Christian smiled at that and took a bite-sized piece of the cake on his fork. Sean did the same, and this time, they each fed each other a bite of the cake.

"Mm, that's exceptional," Sean said, his mouth still partially full. Christian leaned over and kissed him, lingering long enough to slip his tongue inside Sean's mouth briefly.

"No, that's exceptional," he said, holding Sean's gaze for a moment. "The cake's all right, too. We'll take it," he said to the hostess, who, blushing, shared the laugh with them. It felt oddly like she'd been on a very long journey with them to this moment.

********

End of Part 3

On to Part 4

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