"Please enter your password." Beep, beep, beep, beep. "Press 1 to play your messages..."beep. "You have 10 messages. 10 are new. Message 1, recorded at 10:02 AM."

"Sandburg, this is Capt. Banks. Please call me as soon as you get this message. It’s about Jim."

"Message 2, recorded at 10:23 AM."

"Sandburg, it’s Capt. Banks again. Please call me right away. Jim’s acting strange, and I think something’s gone wrong with his senses."

"Message 3, recorded at 10:34 AM."

"Blair, it’s Cindy. A Capt. Banks from the police has been calling the department to try to reach you. I tried to get you a message during your Anthro 201 class, but you had taken them on a field trip of some sort. Um, Dr. Martin wants to see you in his office tomorrow morning about that, at 9 AM. Did you forget to send him the F49-D form, you know, the one to get
authorization for a class field trip?"

"Message 4, recorded at 11:03 AM."

SANDBURG! If you don’t get down here right away, I’m going to put an APB out on you! Some joker spiked the coffee in Major Crimes with something. I’ve got a disaster on my hands, and Jim is going nuts! Get down here now and fix
him, damn it!"

"Message 5, recorded at 11:14 AM."

"Blair? Blair, honey, pick up the phone. My gorgeous studmuffin, it’s your Jungle Jim calling. I’m feeling my animal spirit, baby, it’s telling me to set my panther free. I just gotta wrap my arms around you and taste you all over. Man, I feel so groovy, Chief! I don’t know what was in the coffee, but I’m just flying easy, sweetheart. Hey, you better come down here and calm Simon down. He’s going to have a stroke! Yeah, get that cute ass down here, sugar britches, so I can bend you over my desk and" <heard in the background> "Brown! Get off of me! I’m your captain, damn it!"

"Message 6, recorded at 11:26 AM."

"Mr. Sandburg, this is Campus Security. We’ve been informed by the Cascade Police Department that there’s an APB out for you. Could you please turn yourself in at either our office or police headquarters? Thank you, and have a nice day."

"Message 7, recorded at 12:06 PM."

Mr. Sandburg, this is Dr. Martin. I understand that working with the police department is a necessary part of your research. However, when it begins to interfere with the smooth working of this department, I have to draw the line. Your tardiness and absences from classes and meetings are bad enough, but there is no excuse for all of these phone calls from the police department. If they need to get ahold of you, please have them contact you on your extension, or on your home phone. I expect to see you tomorrow morning to discuss this and to discuss your unapproved field trip. There are reasons for following the proper procedures, young man."

"Message 8, recorded at 12:21 PM."

Mr. Sandburg, this is Margaret O’Reilly, from your Anthro 101 class. I won’t be able to come to class today. Can I get the notes from you? Thanks!"

"Message 9, recorded at 12:32 PM."

"Hey Blair, it’s Sarah. How did the trip to the dig go? I heard from Dr. Peterson, she was really impressed with your knowledge of the site. Looks like you’ve managed to charm another professor. Hey, is there any way that you could cover my Paleontology 301 class on Weds.? Mary and I need to take Brian to the pediatrician for his six month check-up. Thanks, you’re the greatest!"

Message 10, recorded at 12:46 PM."

<whispering>"Sandburg, it’s Simon. You have got to get down here NOW! They’ve gone insane! I’m hiding in the broom closet. The broom closet, Sandburg! Brown keeps trying to grope me.  Rafe is sobbing in the corner after getting
slugged by Megan, who’s doing kung fu moves around the office. Taggart is reciting poetry, POETRY, god damn it, I do NOT need to hear "An Ode to A Grecian Urn" today! And Jim, Jim has gone completely around the bend. He’s become RuPaul or something. He’s sashaying around the office, fluttering his eyelashes, for christ’s sake, and dissing everyone’s clothing. He told Rafe that "Armani is so 80’s" or some such thing, and Rafe started crying again. A grown detective, crying! Oh, my god. <creak of unoiled hinges> I hear music, and... Holy shit. Blair, you have got to get over here. Jim just turned on the radio, and he’s started to do a strip tease. Megan is pulling out her purse, looking for dollar bills, and...Wow. I gotta go, this is incredible blackmail material. I just hope the security camera gets it all."

Click. Beep-beep. "Cindy, hi, it’s Blair Sandburg. Yeah, I know, I got the messages, thanks. Listen, I’m going to have to cancel my office hours for today. I’ll leave a note on my door. Ah, no, more of a personal emergency, but yeah, a police emergency too. If anyone calls for me, I’m on my way to police headquarters. Thanks, Cindy. I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye!"

The End?