DISCLAIMER: The Sentinel and all it's characters belong to Pet Fly, etc. Jusenkyo belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.

I delved into my wee deranged psyche and came up with this odd number. I hope you enjoy it! I just couldn't put too much sex into it, I'm sorry! It hasn't been beta'd, so if there are any mistakes, sorry! Just, enjoy!

WARNING: Extreme silliness

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Blair 1/2

by

Snarf

"Hey, Blair!" Brown called out as Blair entered Major Crimes. "How was the trip to China?"

Blair mumbled something under his breath before slumping down in his chair.

"That great, huh?" Jim gave him a teasing grin. He hadn't gone because he had so much other work to accomplish. Besides, it gave him a week away from Blair. And as much as he loved him, they had needed some time apart. "What did you do?"

"Well, I visited Hong Kong," Blair said, unenthusiastically. "That was nice. It's really a huge city, and there's a *ton* of people around. You wouldn't believe how crowded the streets can get sometimes!"

"I thought you said you were going to a rustic area," Jim said, noticing how the others were loitering around his desk, all trying to look busy. Most of them wanted to hear about Blair's adventures in China as well.

"Uh, yeah, I did. I went to some place called Jusenkyo, a sort of cursed training ground for Martial Artists."

"Sounds fabulous."

"Oh, it was, man!" Blair's eyes lit up. "Nothing but these clear blue pools for miles! There had to be at least a thousand of them! And all of them had these little bamboo poles, you know like those you use in a boat, and they were inside the pools. All you had to do to train was jump on top of them, and they were all at least five feet high!"

"So why is it so cursed?"

"In each pool, there is something that drowned there a long time ago. The legend said that if you fell into one of those pools, you turn into whatever drowned there."

"Oh, really? You didn't fall in, did you?" Jim teased.

Blair looked at his hands, then looked back up again. "No, man. C'mon, I'm still human, aren't I?"

Blair's heartbeat had escalated slightly, but Jim attributed that to the fact that Blair must have slipped and fallen in and was embarrassed about it. As he looked into those bright blue eyes, he suddenly realized that it had been a week since he last saw Blair. A week too long. Feeling a sudden heat flush through his body, Jim quickly got up. "Chief, I need you to take a look at something."

"What?" Blair asked, obediently following Jim out of the office.

"You'll see," Jim grinned at him, giving his body a long scrutinization with his eyes.

Blair flushed, realizing he had missed Jim more than he had thought. "Jim, I..."

Jim shushed him, taking his wrist and taking him into the janitorial closet. He closed the door and as Blair opened his mouth to protest, Jim closed over it with his own. They explored each other for a while, Jim's hands running down Blair's back down to his ass, the younger man mimicking his movements. When they pulled back for air, Blair said, "Jim, I... I have to tell you something."

"Mmmhhmmmm," Jim answered, moving down to kiss Blair's neck.

"No, really, man, I have to tell you something."

"It can wait," Jim said as forcefully as he could, his hands edging up underneath Blair's shirt to his chest.

"No, wait!" Blair backed up a step, tripping over a half-full bucket of water and taking Jim with him.

Jim shook his head, "Chief, what...the...hell...?" Instead of his beloved Guide, Jim saw before him a large, pink ostrich. "Chief, is that you?"

The ostrich honked in reply.

"Did you fall into one of those pools?" Jim asked.

The ostrich nodded its (his?) head vigorously.

Before Jim could ask more, the door to the janitorial closet opened. "Oh, I'm s....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the cleaning woman screamed as she saw the ostrich. "It's a… it's a…AAAAAAA!"

"No, wait!" Jim held out a hand to calm her down only to be trampled underneath ostrich feet as Blair escaped. Miraculously, he survived. "Damn! Chief!" Jim yelled, running after him.

Meanwhile, Taggart was staring at the jelly doughnut Rafe was eating, drooling on his hand. Rafe looked at him, then wickedly polished it off. "Sorry. You said you were on a diet."

Taggart grumbled, trying to ignore his rumbling stomach as he scratched down some things on paper. It was a few minutes before realizing that instead of writing down the list of criminals they were supposed to be after, he was writing down all his favorite foods. /I am so hungry!/ He glanced at the clock. Five hours before noon. Five hours before he could relish his ... tofu sandwich. He hung his head. /I'm a man! I'm a cop, dammit! I'm supposed to eat meat!"

He looked up just in time to see a pink ostrich race by the doors. /I must be really hungry. I'm seeing things. Maybe just a bite of that tofu sandwich won't hurt.../

Jim barged in, panting. "Anyone seen a pink ostrich?" he asked. Seeing all their dazed faces, he realized they had. "Which way did it go?" In synchronization, all pointed towards the left. Jim quickly took off.

/Ostrich? Then I'm not seeing things! Ostriches are birds. Big birds. With lots of meat on them.../ Taggart was starting to drool again. He looked down at his bag lunch. /They probably taste better than tofu any day!/ He took his gun out from his desk.

"Taggart?" Rafe asked, now out of the shock of seeing a pink ostrich run down the hallway. "What are you doing?"

Taggart grunted, his Neanderthal instincts to hunt taking over. "Getting lunch." He ran after Jim, shouting, "Wait for me, Ellison! Don't eat it all!"

"Dad!" Daryl said. "You said you wanted to spend the day with me!"

"I am!" Simon insisted, typing up the report on Mitch the cocaine dealer.

"I didn't think you meant at the office!" Daryl insisted, slumping resignedly down into a chair. /This place is *so* boring./

Jim barged into Simon's office. "I need your help!" he gasped, clutching the door for support.

"What?" Simon shot out of his chair, concern written all over his face.

"I.. need... to ... catch Sandburg."

"Where'd he go? Did someone kidnap him?" Simon was all business, grabbing all the things he needed, the most important being the cell phone.

"He's... a pink ostrich," Jim explained as Blair raced by the office, Taggart howling like an animal after him.

"Say... what?" Simon gaped at the large pink bird loose around Major Crimes, overturning desks, and eating all the doughnuts. "He's got to be stopped!" Simon roared. "How'd he get this way?"

"Well, he went to China... It'd take too long to explain."

"We have to change him back!" Daryl piped up, happy now that something interesting was going on. "I saw this on a TV show once. Do you have any hot water?"

Jim watched as Blair ran into Cassie, the coffee in her hand making an ugly brown spot on his pink feathers. "I don't think that worked."

Daryl nodded, thinking. "Oh! I know! Dad, do you have any tight, revealing leather outfits and a whip?"

"Say what?" Simon snapped. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't worry! I saw it on a TV show! All we have to do is dress someone up in an S&M outfit and whip the ostrich back into Blair."

Simon stared at his son. "What kind of TV do you watch?"

"There's no time for that now!" Jim interrupted. "I think Rafe has one somewhere, from last year's Halloween party. We just have to decide who's going to wear it." Jim turned around to see Simon and Daryl looking at him. /Uh, oh./

Blair was running out of room. He had already covered the entire first floor of the building, and though he had just lost Taggart, he knew the man would find him. Taggart never gave up, and Blair couldn't get through the door to the stairs, and he couldn't

wait for the elevator. He needed to change back, fast.

/Oh, just great. First, I fall into the Spring of Drowned Ostrich in Jusenkyo, then once I finally turned back, I get turned into one again, and now Taggart thinks I'm lunch! Man, could this day get any worse?/

"Oh, Blair!" a sing-song voice called out.

Slowly, Blair turned about to see Jim in a black leather thong with boots, clutching a whip happily. /Man, he looks hot!/ Blair felt himself becoming aroused. /What am I doing! I'm an ostrich!/

"You've been a naughty boy," Jim said, stretching the whip. "Time to teach you a lesson."

Blair quickly decided he liked his chances with Taggart better. He took off down the hall, hearing the whip crack and Jim's maniacal laughing voice behind him.

/He's having way too much fun with this!/ Blair skidded around a corner. He stopped short as Taggart leapt out from nowhere, a ravenous look in his eyes.

"Come here!" he said, soothingly, drool dripping from the corners of his mouth. "I won't hurt you baby!"

Blair twisted back around to see Jim cutting him off from the only escape, cracking the whip playfully. "It's no use hiding, Chief," he said, lovingly caressing the leather strip beneath his fingers. "I'm going to punish you for running away." He brought the whip

behind his back just as Taggart leaped onto Blair, grabbing for a handful of tasty ostrich meat.

As the whip touched Blair's skin, he found himself reverting just in time as Taggart got his mouth around his ass. "SANDBURG?!" Taggart spit out the pink feathers lingering in his mouth. "Ew, gross! Why couldn't you just have stayed an ostrich?" He sulkily went back to his desk, grumbling about how he hated tofu.

"You look pretty good in that, Jim," Blair grinned. "We'll have to try that routine sometime in the bedroom. However, next time, *I* get the whip, okay?"

"Suit yourself." Jim touched his Guide's cheek and enveloped him in a scorching kiss, when the fire alarm went off and the sprinklers went on.

"Taggart!" he heard Simon bellow. "No bonfires in the office! I don't care if you're cooking something!"

Jim backed away from Blair, realizing he was now holding a pink ostrich. "Ready for more?" he asked, gleefully stretching his whip. /I have got to do this more often. I never realized it was so much fun!/

Blair shook his head wildly, letting out a cry as he took off again, Jim on his heels.

Simon took a look at the chaos in his office, and shook his head. "Why Me? Why me?"

"Face it, dad," Daryl grinned. "At least today wasn't boring! I have got to come here more often!"

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That's all folks! :)