Title: "I Am Not Sick"

Author: PMD

e-mail: mary.davidson@sympatico.ca

Rating: PG-13

Category: SSR, AU, M/S/Sk Friendship, Humor

Spoilers: None to speak of.

Keywords: SSR, AU, M/S/Sk Friendship, Humor

Summary: Skinner gets sick but still has the best day of his life.

Disclaimer: CC and Co. and Fox own the characters and the series. I’m just borrowing, will give them back, not making any money using them in the story, so don’t sue me. As to the use of a situation that I saw on The Cosby Show and the use of the CIA, I’m just borrowing, will give them back, not making any money with their use in the story, so don’t sue me. 

Archive: IWTB site but if anybody else wants it...well, guess you have to ask the birthday boy and me.

Feedback: Yes, I would love feedback.

Authors Notes: See further notes at the end but for now, Jay, Happy Birthday, dude. And spillage, spewage and Kleenex warnings are in effect. 

"I am Not Sick" – by PMD

"Agent Scully---I----I---," I stuttered. Oh God, I’m going to sneeze and she’ll think I’m sick. I grabbed a tissue and tried to sneeze quietly into it, but you really can’t sneeze quietly around people or, around one red-haired doctor, in particular.

"Sir, are you feeling okay?" she asked, concern in her voice.

I looked up. I knew it. I was caught.

"I’m fine, Agent Scully," I said, wiping my nose and tossing the tissue into the wastebasket. Oh no; the dreaded F-word. Even I don’t believe the F-word, when Scully says it. I went back to looking at the paper in front of me, hoping she hadn’t noticed -- that -- word.

"Sir---you’re sick," she said. I looked up in surprise.

"Excuse me?"

"Sir, you’re not well," she replied, adamantly.

"Agent Scully, I am neither sick nor am I unwell. I’m perfectly---oka---Ah choo."

< Walter, even you wouldn’t believe –that---answer, now. >

She got up and walked over to me. She placed her hand on my forehead and then backed away. "Sir, you’re lying to me. You’ve got a fever."

"I do not!"

"I could argue with you all day, sir, but that would just leave me frustrated and angry and you still sick. Now, as your
doctor---"

"You’re not my doctor and I am feeling okay. I’ve just got allergies, Agent," I replied.

"Sir, you have a cold and as ‘a doctor’, I’m going to have to insist that you go home."

"Excuse me? Who’s the boss here and who’s the subordinate?"

She reached for the phone. "Sir, we all have bosses and if you don’t want me to call yours and tell him you’re not cooperating with the medical expert here---"

"You wouldn’t dare!"

"Try me," she replied, one eyebrow arched.

I let out a sigh. "All right, I’ll go home as soon as I---"

"You’ll go home now, sir."

"I will go in a half hour. I have to finish these reports and I still have a few questions to ask you, Agent," I replied, sternly.

She sighed. "All right. But I’m staying here till you go. And I insist that you take some cold medicine right now. Agreed?"

"Agreed," I answered her. I got up from the desk and walked towards the ensuite washroom, with her following close behind.

"Agent Scully, I’m old enough to take my medicine, all by myself," I told her, pointedly. She just nodded and waited outside of the washroom.

I closed the door and went over to the cabinet. A wave of weakness washed over me and I closed my eyes. I grabbed onto the counter and tried to will it away. When I finally got my sea legs, I opened the cabinet and brought out my cold pills. I took my cold pill, dry, and started to cough, violently, so, I grabbed the cough medicine off the shelf.

"Sir, are you all right?" Scully asked.

"I’m okay," I finally rasped out. I opened the bottle and took two big gulps of the foulest tasting, pungent green liquid, I had ever had the misfortune to taste or smell. Then I put it and the pills away. I walked out of the washroom, almost colliding with her. "Don’t trust me to take my medicine, Scully?" I asked.

She just had this chagrined look on her face and didn’t answer. We walked back to our seats and I continued asking my questions.

About ten minutes into the questioning, I felt this tingle. I shook it off, thinking it was just the reaction I sometimes got from her being near me. But it kept getting stronger until I couldn’t ignore it. I felt like I was in a fog or floating outside of my body. I felt sluggish and I must have sounded like it because she was giving me a strange look.

I looked down at the piece of paper before me and noticed my hands. I smiled at them.

"Sir, are you all right?" she asked, concerned.

I looked up, answering with, "Yes, I’m A-OK AD Skinner." I smiled at her, then wondered---why was she looking at me like that? You’d think I had grown two heads or something. I pondered this for a moment, and then thought, I really am OK. Boy, the green stuff and pills really worked miracles.

I looked at my hands again and was struck with an epiphany, of sorts, that I couldn’t wait to share. "Agent Scully, have you ever noticed hands? How they’re important to all the things we do each day. Without them, we couldn’t pick up things, eat, or hold somebody we love."

I watched her as she got up and walked over to me. She touched my forehead again and I used every ounce of my will power to resist the urge to take it away and kiss her palm. She pulled away, a worried look on her face. Thank God, I fought the urge to take her hand. But then, a few minutes later---I took it. But instead of kissing it, I looked at it and said, "And it comes in so many different sizes. But your hand is as strong as mine is. Why is that?"

"Sir, could you please give me my hand back?"

"Sorry," I replied, letting go of her hand.

"Sir, how much medicine did you take?" she asked, concerned.

Damn it, Walter, you know the answer. I sat there for a moment, staring at her and trying to find the answer in the distant, less foggy recesses of my brain. Finally, I replied with, "Oh, I think I took---a cold pill and then a couple of swigs of my cough medicine. Why?"

"I think you took too much cough medicine, sir. You’re over medicated.

In fact, in non-medical terms, I believe you’re loopy right now," she answered.

"I am not!"

"Yes you are, sir. Now---there’s only one thing we can do about it."

"And what would that be---Dana?" Uh, oh, Walter. You are crossing the line by calling her that.

She just shook it off and said, "You’re going to have to sleep it off.

We’ll just get you over to the couch and then you can have a nice little nap."

She turned the chair and offered her hand to me. I took it and got up out of the chair and promptly started to teeter towards her. Thank goodness, at that moment, Kimberly knocked on the door and came in.

"Kimberly, help us!" Scully called.

Kimberly ran over to us. She stood on one side of me, and took my arm, while Scully took the other. I smiled at the sight---ooh, Stereo Redheads. Fortunately, before I said that aloud and got myself into trouble, something else occurred to me. As we walked over to the couch, I asked, "Aren’t legs incredible. Without them we couldn’t walk, run, kick a can or dance. Hey Dana, want to go dancing?"

"I don’t think you can walk, let alone lead somebody on the dance floor, the way you are right now, sir," she answered.

"Then you can lead, Dana," I replied to her, a smile on my face.

She gave Kimberly a look and let out a sigh. We were at the couch and they tried to get me to sit down, alone. Somehow, both ended up on it, along with me. "Well, if you don’t want to dance, how about a threesome, ladies?" Oh My God. Walter, maybe you’d better shut up before Scully takes out her gun and shoots you.

"I don’t think you’re in any shape for that either, sir," she answered.

I swiveled my head and saw a twinkle in her eye and a deadpan look on her face. She knew that I didn’t mean to say what I said. So, she wasn’t going to hold me at gun point. Thank God for that.

"Well then, we could cuddle," I said, before I could stop myself. Oh how I wish I was coughing again. At least, I couldn’t speak when I was coughing.

"Sir, could you please let go of my arm?" Kimberly asked.

"Oh, sorry, Kimmmeeeee," I replied. Oh dear lord, my secretary is going to sue me now. Shut up Walter before she takes a letter opener to you.

I let go and she got up. Scully just sat there. I looked over at her and saw this worried look. Before she could say anything, I let go of her arm, too. She flexed it and was about to get up when there was a knock at the door. I was so out of it when I was being lead over that I didn’t notice that Kimberly had closed it. Probably to save face for me or maybe them. Kimberly walked over, opened it to let Mulder in, and then left the room.

"Scully, I thought you were---what’s going on here?"

"Fox, I’m so glad to see you. And I’m glad you’re a Fox and not a pink elephant," I said.

He looked at me, confused. Then he walked over and said, "Scully, why did he just call me a Fox?"

Before she could say anything, I answered. "Well, that’s your name. Fox William Mulder. Or would you rather I call you Willy?"

He looked at me, stunned. Then he quickly looked back at Scully.

"Scully, why is he so---un-Skinner?"

"He overdosed on the cold medication, Mulder. He’s---"

"---loopy. Like I’ve been, on a few cases?"

"Yes," she answered.

"Okay, I’ll forgive him then. But, maybe---sir, can I call y---"

Before he could finish, I spoke up again, saying, "You can call me

Walter, Wally or Walt. But not---"

"---Skinman," we said, together.

Mulder smirked at me, and then looked back at Scully. "Scully---how long is he going to be like this?"

"Why?" she asked, before I could.

"Because, I need a favor and since he’s in such a good mood, I thought I should ask him now," he answered.

"Mulder, you’re not going to take advantage of the poor man, are you?"

"I would never do that, Scully. It’s a good favor."

"Ask away, Mulder," she said.

He turned to me and asked, "Sir, I want to know if you can help me by being---"

"---your best man. Well, its about time you and Scully got married," I said.

"What!?" They looked at one another, and then, back at me. Two pairs of eyes, one hazel, one blue, went wide, with shock.

"That’s what you were going to ask me, weren’t you---Fox?"

"Actually, no. Sir, just where the hell did you get the idea I was going to ask you to be my best man? And why Scully?"

"Why not Scully?" I asked him, perplexed.

"Yeah, why not Scully?" she asked, her face, very rigid.

"No offense, Scully, but you’re not my type. You’re too---straight-laced for me. That’s okay for a partner and a best friend but as a wife---I don’t think so," he said.

Her face softened a bit at the mention of being his best friend. "Awww, Mulder. I’m so honored to be your best friend. And I understand completely. You’re not my type either," she replied.

"What!? What’s wrong with me that I’m not your type?" he asked.

"You’re too---how do I say this---unpredictable sometimes. That’s a great trait for a best friend and partner because you keep me on my toes. But for a husband---I want somebody less unpredictable. Somebody who will be home at night, somebody who---"

"Yeah, I know. I want that for you too, Scully. Friends?" he asked, putting out his hand. She took it and pulled him into an embrace and whispered something into his ear. He pulled back and gave her a smile and a kiss on the forehead.

By now, I was frowning at the two of them, and wondering what the heck Mulder wanted. "So, Mulder, what’s this favor?"

He turned his attention back to me. "I was going to ask if you could help me out by being on my team for the game between the FBI and the CIA. My center has come down with a cold."

"I will, if I get rid of this cold in time and actually can comprehend what has just gone on here," I replied, perplexed.

"Thanks, sir. Scully, are you ready to go, yet?"

"Mulder, I’d better stay with Skinner. I don’t think he’s going to be in any shape to handle driving home tonight. I’m sorry I can’t go to the movies with you. Maybe you can ask Kimberly to go?"

I watched as he looked away, embarrassed, and then quickly looked back, a small smile on his face. Mulder and Kimberly? Stranger things have happened in my life,I thought. Besides---now that I think about it---he has been around her desk quite a bit, lately. I’ve caught him teasing her and that’s often a sign that something might be going on. After all, I’ve watched him tease Scully for years, which is why I jumped to the conclusion that something was going on with Mulder and Scully.

"You know, I think I will, Scully. Sir, get better soon.

And---partner---I’ll see you on Monday," he said.

"Not if I see you first," Scully replied. My God, I didn’t know she had it in her. That woman is full of surprises. Mulder just gave her a deadpan look and then started to grin.

"I see I’m rubbing off on you, Scully. That was a good one. See both of you, Monday," he said, as he walked towards the door. Scully followed him and whispered something to him; then he nodded, gave her a quick hug goodbye, and was out the door.

We were all alone. I was still pretty loopy but I think the sobering fact that we were alone, had calmed me a bit.

"Sir, lie down and get some rest. You’ll feel better if you have some sleep. Then I’ll take you home and---"

"---tuck me into bed," I said, before I could stop myself. She blushed at that.

"Actually, I was thinking I would make you some soup and maybe help you up stairs. I’m afraid tucking you into bed doesn’t fall into my job description. Now lie down, please."

"Yes, Ma’am," I said to her. I lay down on the couch; shoes still on.

She pulled them off and then put her hand out. "What?" I asked.

"Glasses, please," she replied. I handed them over and she put them on the end table.

She started to walk away but stopped when I said, "Mulder’s a fool."

She turned around, a questioning look on her face. "Why, sir?"

"If I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t---" I answered, as I drifted off to sleep.

 2 Hours Later

I woke up, disoriented. When I got my bearings back, I leaned over and picked up my glasses from the end table. I looked around and saw her, sitting on a chair, near the couch. She had fallen asleep, reading something. I noticed that her coat, purse and briefcase had magically appeared in my office. I assumed that she had asked Mulder to bring it up since she was probably worried, in my state, I would start wandering around.

I heard a soft snore from the chair and smiled. Poor woman didn’t have the boundless energy that Mulder always seemed to have. I wondered if all the sunflower seeds he eats has anything to do with that.

I heard another soft snore and then she let out a slight moan---of pain.

I got off the couch and went over to the chair. I knelt down, to get closer to her and so I wouldn’t fall over. I still didn’t have my sea legs. I touched her arm, gently. Her eyes opened, suddenly.

"Scully, are you okay?" I asked her.

She nodded her head and then---she shook it. She looked away but before she did, I noticed a tear threatening to fall down.

"Scully, what’s wrong?" I asked.

"Just a bad dream, sir," she answered, as she looked back at me. She deftly changed the subject by asking, "How are you doing?"

"Well, other then still having my cold and making a complete idiot of myself, I’m doing okay."

"Not a-ok anymore, sir?" she asked, jokingly.

"Scully, if I made you feel uncomfortable with what I said, when under the influence, I’m so sorry. I---"

"---didn’t mean a word of it. I know, sir," she finished. She looked so sad that I had to set her straight.

"Actually, I did mean one thing."

"Please, don’t say you want a threesome with me and Kimberly," she said, mirth in her voice.

"No. I was referring to the part, which I didn’t get to finish. It was when I said Mulder was a fool to not get involved with you because---I would, if I had a chance. Which I don’t," I replied.

She sat up straight. "Why do you think you have no chance with me?"

"Because you wouldn’t be interested in a man that is---"

"---handsome, intelligent, and sexy. Oh you are right, sir. No woman in her right mind would be interested in a man like you. Well, shall we get going?" she asked me. Trying to change the subject again, Scully. Not going to work this time.

"What did you just say?" I asked, perplexed.

"I said, shall we get going," she answered.

"Before that," I said.

"Oh, that you’re handsome, intelligent, and sexy. And another thing; you must be blind, sir, to not see all the women out there giving you some pretty suggestive glances."

"I’m only interested in one red-haired woman’s glances," I replied.

"Oh. Well, I think Kimberly is taken, if I read Mulder right," she replied. I saw a slight smile on her face, so I knew she was joking. All right, I’ll play along with her.

"Who said I was talking about Kimberly?" I asked, as I leaned forward.

She had a startled look on her face, as I got closer, but it was quickly replaced with a knowing smile and she leaned towards me. We were about to kiss, when I stopped.

"This is wrong."

"You’re right, sir. I guess this is too much to ask for," she said, sadness in her voice.

"No, not that. I mean---I don’t want to give you my cold."

She had a Mona Lisa smile on her face as she said, "I’ll take my chances." Then she took hold of my tie and pulled me towards her. The kiss was short and powerful enough that I almost lost my balance. And it sealed our fate.

We both backed away, breathing heavily. "Well, I guess we better get going before I lose the will to drive your car, sir."

"Scully, after that kiss, call me Walter," I said.

"Only if you call me, Dana---Walter. Let’s get ready and go home, shall we?" she asked.

"Home? I like the sound of that. And Dana---"

"Yes, Walter?"

I leaned over and whispered into her ear. I pulled back and saw a smile on her face. "I feel the same way, Walter."

We walked out of the office, towards our destiny, whatever that might be. 

A Few Days Later

"Ah choo! Ah choo! Ah choo!"

"I heard that," I said, from my bathroom. I walked back in, just in time to see her wipe her nose. Poor woman; I guess her stamina or resolve wasn’t strong enough for her to not get my cold, after all. I felt guilty and yet---I had never felt so happy in my life. Well---not since the early years of my marriage to Sharon. Then---I felt guilty again, because she was sick because of the kisses we’d shared.

"Dana---you’re sick," I said, adamantly.

"I am not!" she replied, equally adamantly.

"I guess what they say is true; doctors make the worst patients," I said.

"That’s right; I am a doctor and you’re not. So I, with the medical experience, say I am not sick," she replied. Then she brought the tissue to her nose again and sneezed.

"I think actions are speaking more truth than you are tonight, sweetheart. I’ll call Mulder and tell him we won’t be double dating tonight," I said.

"Walter, I’m fi—okay. Really, I am."

I gave her my version of ‘The Look’ and she gave me a smile that usually had me jumping through hoops; but not this time. "You are not fine or okay, Dana. You are sick."

"Walter, I am going to go into the washroom, get ready, and then we are going to meet Mulder and Kimberly for dinner and a night of dancing," she replied, walking towards the washroom.

I got out of the way, handing her my handkerchief, as she walked by, saying, "Here, you’ll need this, Ms. Denial."

She gave me ‘The Look’ and then closed the door. I walked over to the phone and called Mulder. About five minutes later, I had canceled our date and was walking back to the door to the bathroom. I heard some major coughing going on and then heard the squeak of the cabinet, letting me know she was opening it. I heard the telltale sound of it closing again. I backed away, knowing she was about to come out.

The door opened and I saw a chagrined and resigned look on her face.

"Walter?"

"Yes, Dana?"

"I’m sick."

"I know," I replied, with a compassionate voice.

"Walter?"

"Yes?"

"Will you take care of me?"

"Yes, Dana."

"Will you make me lemon tea with honey?" she asked, as she started to walk towards me.

"Yes," I answered.

"Will you---make me tomato soup?"

"Yes."

"Will you---tuck me in bed?"

"Yes, Dana."

"Will you---rub my back?"

"Yes."

"Will you---read me a story?"

"Yes, I’ll read you a story."

"Will you---love me even if I look horrible?"

"Dana," I said, as I pulled her into my embrace. "You will never look horrible to me."

She looked up at me and gave me a slight smile. "Thanks Walter. You’ll never look horrible to me either."

I gave her a kiss on the forehead and said, "Now---to bed."

"Yes Sir," she replied.

She got out of her clothes and into a T-shirt of mine. She got into bed and I pulled the covers up to cover her. I gave her a kiss on the forehead and got up. As I walked to the door, she spoke again. "Walter?"

"Yes?" I asked, turning around to look at her.

"I love you," she replied.

"I love you too. Now---get some sleep."

I watched as she snuggled into the bed and let out the contented sigh of a woman, safe and secure, in my love. I let out a twin sigh as I walked out of the room, knowing that I was secure in her love, too. Even when we are sick and not at our best.

The End. 

Author’s Notes: Hope you liked your birthday gift, Jay. This is dedicated to you, first and foremost. For being a friend to everybody on this list and helping me make my stories shine brighter, with great suggestions and encouragement. I also dedicate this to my friend and all round great beta, Shelba. Without your help, I would never have gotten this done in time. And to everybody on this list, I wouldn’t be the writer I am today, without reading all your wonderful stories. And Kimberly, Paige, more humor and SSR for you gals to read. : ) Hope one and all enjoyed this piece.
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