NAME: frogdoggie and Mrs. frogdoggie

E-MAIL: frogdoggie@hotmail.com

CATEGORY: VRH

RATING: NC-17, and I mean it. This vignette contains VERY GRAPHIC SEXUAL SITUATIONS AND LANGUAGE. So, if you don't like graphic stuff - STOP NOW! Forewarned is forearmed.

SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully get up close and personal using the ubiquitous cell phone connection. This vignette has no real plot. After so many ponderous and serious pieces I just had to do something short, sweet, and very hot. This is pure erotica folks. The story came from an idea my wife gave me (hence the co-writing credit), plus an e-mail discussion Ten and I had regarding how to write a sex scene using dialogue only. So, this is my answer to that question. Hope you all like it (you too Ten). FEEDBACK PLEASE, AND THANK YOU SIR, CAN I HAVE ANOTHER? Comments, suggestions and healthy debate are always welcome. Flames? I use them to roast weenies, hamburgers and Italian sausages on the grill.

TIMESPAN/SPOILER WARNING.: This season ie. see Chinga.

KEYWORDS: vignette romance humor Mulder Scully NC-17

DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder and Dana Scully belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made from their use. 

***Author's Note: I am serious about this story being raw. It starts out fairly tame in Part 1 and then Part 2 gets VERY graphic. I mean if you don't want to read about two people talking frankly and in no uncertain terms about sex, don't read this story. If you read on, and are offended I take no responsibility*** 

My Cellular One and Only
by frogdoggie 

"Scully."

"Hi, it's me. How's your Mom?" 

"Oh she's much better. The X-rays said the pneumonia is only in the lower lobe of her left lung. She's got her meds and she won't have to go to the hospital as long as I can stay here and take care of her for a week or so - until she's over the worst of it." 

"Wow, that's uh, that's great, Scully. Tell her I said to get well soon." 

"I will. Mulder, where are you?" 

"Back at the motel - *finally*..." 

"I guess it didn't go well?" 

"You can take *it*. Please do! And when you do, shoot *it* in the head." 

"That bad?" 

"Well, how does 5 hours slogging through acres and acres of vineyards with mosquitoes sucking on every exposed body part sound to you?" 

"Didn't you use some *Off*?" 

"Deep Woods - it didn't help. Scully, they were as big as terriers for God's sake. I'm covered in welts." 

"Well, get some Benedryl gel or ointment." 

"Gel. I'm soaking in it." 

"Did you...was it an X-File?" 

"Hell no! A homicide. Local law enforcement is handling it now." 

"So it was pretty routine except for wandering around amongst the grapes?" 

"I wouldn't say routine exactly." 

"Why?" 

"Well the vintner, Thomas Cantrell, a fan of Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe incidentally, murdered his wife. He then proceeded to try to convince everyone that she'd been spirited away to Hell somehow because she was involved in satanic worship. It was a crock of shit of course. She was into Tupperware for God's sake - of questionable taste - but hardly satanic." 

"So he murdered her because he thought she was worshiping satanic Tupperware?" 

"No, he killed her because he wanted to run off with the head tour guide for his winery and she wouldn't give him a divorce. Did I tell you they gave tours in this place?" 

"No." 

"Yeah, well they did. It's a very well known winery in Door County actually, all over Wisconsin I guess. *The Door County Three Brother's Winery*. Ever heard of it?" 

"Yes, I have heard of it." 

"Guess it's more widely known then I thought. There was only one brother though - Cantrell. He'd bought the other two brother's out long ago." 

"So how did you catch this guy?" 

"Well, he said his wife performed her satanic rituals out in the vineyard so the local cops and yours truly combed the damn vineyard looking for either the altar or her body, or both if we really got lucky. We finally found the *altar site*. It was bogus. I mean this guy didn't even have the candle colors right and he'd left a copy of that stupid paperback *The Necronomicon* out there as evidence. No genuine worshiper of Satan in their right mind would use a piece of crap like that book in their rituals." 

"Of course not. But you didn't find a body?" 

"Not in the vineyard?" 

"Well, then where?" 

"I'm getting to that part. Well, the cops were interviewing the vintner, Cantrell, and I decided to take the tour. You know, just to snoop around." 

"*Right*." 

"So, I'm on the tour with this local officer, a really bright kid, Sally Kirk..." 

"*Sally*?" 

"Yes, Sally." 

"How *bright* Mulder?" 

"Oh, come on, Scully. Don't get your undies in a bunch. She was married and had 2 kids...Scully, you still there?" 

"Yes. I was just giving you a hard time. I'm not serious." 

"I hope not, Scully. You know I love you. I'm not out here looking at the local scenery." 

"I'm sorry...of course I know you love me. How could I doubt that after Saturday night especially. God!" 

"Oh, Saturday impressed you did it?" 

"Are you going to tell me the rest of your story?" 

"O-K. Uh, where was I?" 

"The tour, the body?" 

"Oh, right. Anyway Officer Kirk and I are on the tour and she starts rerunning for me what a big Edgar Allen Poe and Shakespeare fan this guy, Cantrell is. She's recounting how it's partly why he went into the wine business - because of that story *The Cask of Amantillado.* 

"The one where the murderer walls up his victim in the wine cellar?" 

"Right. But later we found out it was probably more like Richard III that inspired him..." 

"Mulder...you mean the scene with Richard and the wine vat?" 

"Hang on, I'm getting to the punch line here. So, anyway, we've reached the part where the tour does the wine tasting. Officer Kirk has just got done talking about drowning someone in a wine vat. The head tour guide - the mistress of course - is just tapping into this big wine barrel to siphon off some for the tasting. She takes the first sip - a really big gulp for some reason and then she starts to gag like hell. <God this whole barrels gone off!> she starts yelling. Well the cops bring Cantrell in because he'd evidently just confessed to kegging his wife up with the wine. She was in that barrel. It was marked to stay untapped for years. The girlfriend overlooked the coding and tapped it." 

"God, Mulder. It was lucky no one else tasted that wine." 

"What happened to the tour guide?" 

"Oh, they had to call 911 for her. She was carried out on a gurney." 

"Serves her right." 

"Sorry, Mulder. Are you coming back to DC tomorrow?" 

"No, I have to stay on an extra day and finish up odds and ends with the local police. Then I'll fly back." 

"Do you miss me, Scully?" 

"Of course I miss you." 

"All of me or just..." 

"Mulder!" 

"Sorry, now I'm giving you a hard time. I miss you too." 

"Just bring all of you back safely, ok?" 

"Will do. Say, Scully. You know it really is boring out here." 

"Well, I *am* sorry about that Mulder. But, it did sound like an X-File with the satanic angle - you..." 

"No, what I mean is, it would be a lot less boring if you were here." 

"I bet. I remember the last time I was in a cheap motel with you, Mulder." 

"Yeah, that was our first time wasn't it?" 

"He was trying to watch Jay Leno." 

"Ah Yes! Far be it for passion to drown out Leno's monologue." 

"Scully, is your Mother around?" 

"No, I put her to bed about and hour and a half ago. She's out for the count. Why?" 

"I don't think there's a trucker next door at this motel." 

"What are you getting at Mulder?" 

"What are you wearing, Scully?" 

"Wearing? - Wait a minute - Oh no - I'm not going to..." 

"Oh come on, Scully. I really miss you." 

"Mulder! I'm not going to act like a 900 sex phone line operator for you."

"Oh, have a heart. I'm as horny as hell. Just talking to you got me hot. I can picture those bee stung lips of yours breathing sweet nothings into that cell phone, Scully. You know what your lips do to me. Come on, take a walk on the wild side. What harm can it do?" 

"It can embarrass the hell out of me, that's the harm it can do." 

"Oh all right. Spoil sport." 

"Now you're not going to pout are you?" 

"No. But I'm going to sit here with my itchy mosquito bites covered in Benedryl that isn't quite working and staring at my huge bone..." 

"God, you *are* suffering aren't you?" 

"You don't have to be sarcastic." 

"Come on, Scully. It'll be fun. You shouldn't be embarrassed. I mean for crying out loud. You shrieked like a banshee the last..." 

"Ok, OK. I'll give it a shot. But listen - if you're going to jerk off watch out for the Benedryl. It'll burn like blazes if you get it on your penis. All right?" 

"Thank you for *that* warning, Doctor Scully. I washed my hands after I used it anyway." 

"Smart move." 

"Well, that's why I get paid the big bucks." 

"So. What do you want me to say to you? God, Mulder this is so weird." 

"Yeah, but you're giggling." 

"Ok, clearing your throat then." 

"Whatever." 

"So, what are you wearing Scully?" 

"A basketball t-shirt?" 

"NO! It's not one of yours. You know I can't wear your clothes at Mom's. At least not yet." 

"Well, where are you right now?" 

"In the guest bedroom." 

"On the bed?" 

"Yes." 

"Why don't you take your clothes off." 

"*Mulder*..." 

"You said your Mom was asleep. Why don't you get ready for bed too. Go on, strip for me." 

"Lord, you are bad." 

"Like Saturday night?" 

"Especially like Saturday night." 

"You're giggling again." 

"Well, you're giggling too." 

"I don't giggle either." 

"Mulder, if I giggle than you giggle. Agreed?" 

"All right, Scully anything you want as long as you'll let me suck on your..." 

"Mulder!" 

"I was going to say tits..." 

"You are too much." 

"Strip for me, Scully. I like it when you take your clothes off for me. I'd like to see your tits revealed as you pull that t-shirt up just a little and then..." 

"You can't see anything, Mulder, we're on the cell phone, remember." 

"Every phone freak should have one." 

"All right, so you can imagine me taking off the t-shirt?" 

"Oh yeah. I can see you lifting the t-shirt up. Your tits. You know it's like - there they are - still in the bra. Not completely naked yet but I can just glimpse that creamy white skin. Perky nipples." 

"Perky?" 

"Yeah, Your nipples are erect, hard little nubs sometimes. When they're not I like to get them that way." 

"I like you to get them perky too, Mulder." 

"Psychic as well as eidetic?" 

"You know what Scully?" 

"What?" 

"I love all your skin. Not just the skin on your tits. Your skin looks like alabaster. Like fine Italian marble. But it's not cold like marble. It...it glows from within. It's warm and it glows like embers from a fire. I love the feel of it too. It's like fine silk. I want to kiss you all over. Touch your skin with my lips, and my tongue and my hands." 

"Mulder you have the most graceful hands for a man. Did you know that? I love the way you trail your hands over me too. You've always been so gentle, so...so sensuous. It's like you know just the way I like it - just the way I like to be touched and where. When I feel your hands on my skin I *am* on fire. I burn." 

"Are you getting hot just thinking about me touching your skin?" 

"Oh yes." 

"Then take some more clothes off, Scully." 

"Ok, Mulder. How about when I pull my sweat pants down. What do you see now...." 

"Scully?..." 

"Yes." 

"You're good at this." 

"Yeah. *Sweat*pants. And I am starting to sweat, you tease. I can see you doing it too. And then the panties next right? Now I can see that wonderful downy fluff you've got between your thighs. Jesus it feels, it looks like fur - orange tabby fur. Like Morris the cat in that Nine Lives commercial." 

"Oh thanks, Mulder." 

"Well you know what I mean. It's so soft. I love to nuzzle that cat fur, Scully. I guess that's why they call it puss..." 

"All right, hang on I have to put the cell phone down." 

"Put the phone down?" 

"So I can undress." 

"You haven't yet? I thought you said..." 

"I was just practicing. A test run. This is the real thing now. 

"Great!" 

"Can you still hear me?" 

"Let me move the phone closer. There, better?" 

"Oh yeah. Are you taking off the sweatpants?" 

"Yes, I took those off and now I'm taking off the t-shirt." 

"I'm not wearing any." 

"Scully!? You slut. I love it." 

"Well...I just took a shower." 

"Oh wow, this...this is getting even better." 

"You sound breathless, Mulder. Is this working?" 

"Oh yeah. I'm working all right. Jesus." 

"Scully, are you really naked?" 

"As the day I was born." 

"Oh God." 

"Mulder?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Are you pumping yourself? Are you moving your ass? I love the way you move your ass when you're doing me. Does it look the same when you're doing yourself? You have a great ass when you're heading for home, Mulder." 

"Heading for home?" 

"You know what I mean." 

"Oh, Yeah. Do I ever. You really like my butt?" 

"You have a superb derriere. A nice tight package. Yeah, I like your ass." 

"I like your butt too, Scully. It's so nice and round and firm and...well it's just perfect." 

"Running. Works wonders doesn't it?" 

"You got that right, Doc." 

"Mulder?" 

"Yeah." 

"I like your dick too. Are you jerking with Mr. Johnson right now, Mulder? Enquiring minds want to know." 

"Not yet, I'm just teasing things along here for a minute." 

"So you *are* playing with yourself?" 

"Playing with my favorite toy - besides your cunt..." 

"Well, it's the truth. And hey, you like it when I talk dirty to you. You were just talking dirty to me after all." 

"Men are so obsessed with their dicks." 

"And you aren't clit centric then?" 

"Well..." 

"Don't lie." 

"And hey - what makes you think I like to hear you talk dirty?" 

"Don't evade the subject. Talk dirty to *me* again Scully. You know you love it. You know I love it too." 

"Mulder, you *are* too much." 

"You bet I am. You should see just how much right now." 

"I can remember how much, Mulder. It's pretty unforgettable after all. I love your cock. It's beautiful. I like playing with that toy too you know. I love to get you hard. It's one of my biggest turn ons." 

"I like it when you do. Do you really like it? You wouldn't lie would you? I mean...I always thought...you know. Maybe I wasn't..didn't..." 

"Measure up?" 

"Well, yeah." 

"Get real, Mulder." 

"Really?" 

"Mulder, you have a magnificent cock, flaccid or erect. But God, when you're hard...it's like iron covered in velvet or maybe soft leather. I love to suck it and fuck it - how's that for talking dirty? 

"Lord, that'll do." 

"Mulder, have you done this before?" 

"Masturbate - uh, what do you think?" 

"No, I mean beat off over the phone" 

"Yeah. 900 phone sex. Oh God..." 

"Not playing anymore are we?" 

"No, we're down to the serious business at hand now, Mama." 

"Do you jerk off when you watch your videos?" 

"Do you fantasize when you do it? 

"Yeah." 

"About who?" 

"About Walter Skinner. Who do you think?" 

"Did you ever think about Skinner, really?" 

"Scully!" 

"Come on I won't tell." 

"Did you ever think about the A. D., Scully?" 

"Sure, Mulder. He's not bad to look at you know. He's got a great ass too. I thought about him once or twice." 

"Skinner? You're kidding." 

"No. You?" 

"I bet." 

"Yeah and you'd win the bet too." 

"So, it's really me you fantasize about when you do yourself Mulder?" 

"All the time, Scully. Oh Jesus." 

"Is it good?" 

"Better with you. Better in you." 

"Scully, uh, could you touch yourself too?" 

"Yeah. I...Ohshit...this is..." 

"Would it make it better if I did?" 

"Well, I'd like it too." 

"So, go for it. I won't tell..." 

"Mulder...you're nuts." 

"Hey, I'm playing with them too Scully." 

"Oh, Yeah? Well, guess what I'm playing with now?" 

"Oh God Scully, are you?" 

"I can hear it. I can see it too. Oh God. I love it when you stroke your clit, when you do *yourself*. I want to hear your wet cunt too. Can you just...it...it gets me so hot. Oh Shit." 

"Is this good? It's gggood for me. Oh Lord, is it ever." 

"Scully. I swear I can't stand it. Jesus I can hear it all..Oh Fuck." 

"Mulder I...I can't do this and tttalk on the phone at the same...Oh God..I need both hands." 

"Just do it. Get off, I want to hear you...Oh God I want to hear you come first. Put the phone down if you need to. Come for me, Scully." 

"Oh God, Mulder. This *is* a real turn on I...can you hear me?" 

"God, yes, it sounds great." 

"Oh, GGGGOD!" 

"Oh Jesus, yesssss." 

"Are you moving your hips. I love it when..." 

"Mulder, sssshut up a sec. Oh GOD!" 

"All right I'll just listen. I love you." 

"I love you tttooOhGGGod, Mulderrrrrrr!" 

"God, Scully, that's it, that's it..." 

"ohGodtttwiceOHHHHH!" 

"Three ttttimes. Uhhhhh." 

"Go girl!" 

"Ohffffuck." 

"Scully?" 

"Scully?" 

"Hmmmm?" 

"Are you all right?" 

"That's a dumb question, Mulder." 

"You wanton woman." 

"Was that good for you too Mulder?" 

"Yesss. You sound so good." 

"It felt good. God, this *is* fun." 

"See! I told you soooOH..." 

"Mulder, are you really hard?" 

"Like a rock. This feels fantastic. I'm hard, heavy, pumped and ready. I'm starting to drip for you Scully." 

"Are you holding back?" 

"Yeah." 

"Why?" 

"Because when I come I'll fucking explode." 

"Want to make it better?" 

"Better? Jesus - hhhhow? Tell me fast." 

"Well, you know where your prostate is...." 

"Way ahead of you, SSSScully. OhYeah...Fuck-in' A." 

"Why Agent Mulder - I've been worried that idea might offend you. I'll have to remember this conversation when you get home." 

"See that you do. Hold on I have to put down the phone. I really need both hands for thissss." 

"Mulder...I'm touching myself again." 

"Damn, woman! You don't know how I enveeeee...OHFFFUCK I'm gonna come!" 

"Oh God. I love you, Come for me, come for me." 

"Uh Uh OHGOD, S'Good ....OHDANA! OHOHUHHHHHHHHH!" 

"Mulder?" 

"Mulder?" 

"Mulder, are you all right?" 

"Scully, what did you say about a dumb question?" 

"Gottcha." 

"I wish you ddddid. I...hang on a sec. I have to catch my breath." 

"Mulder, just listen." 

"Yeah. What is that sound?" 

"It's my heart beating, Mulder." 

"I love you, come home soon." 

"I love you too. I'll be home day after tomorrow. And Scully?" 

"Yes?" 

"Thanks, I owe you." 

"Oh, I'll collect, Agent Mulder. Don't worry." 

"No worries. And guess what?" 

"What?" 

"I don't feel the mosquito bites now." 

"Why am I not surprised?" 

"You were better than Benedryl." 

"Wow! High praise. That's what I love about you, Mulder. You really know how to flatter a girl." 

"I always give it the old college try, Scully." 

"Mulder?" 

"Go to bed. And go to sleep." 

"Yes ma'am. Good night." 

"Good night. Mulder. Sweet Dreams."

-CLICK-