TITLE: Heaven's in Here

(Part 1 of 5 )

NAME: frogdoggie

E-MAIL: frogdoggie@hotmail.com

CATEGORY: SRA

RATING: NC-17, and I mean it. This story contains GRAPHIC SEXUAL SITUATIONS AND LANGUAGE. So, if you don't like graphic stuff - STOP NOW! Forewarned is forearmed.

SUMMARY: This is a "Scully viewpoint story". I had some trouble writing it because I had to get into her head quite a bit and that was somewhat hard for me. PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK SO I KNOW WHETHER I GOT IT RIGHT! THANK YOU! The first half of the story details how an old friend helps Scully to realize her true feelings for Mulder, and the second part has Scully discover a hidden talent that Mulder possesses, and how she handles the discovery. I tried to make this one a little more wistful and sweet although there is plenty of angst as well. I would also like to thank Amperage, the author of Therapy 1 and 2 for the idea that Mulder might need a little psychoanalysis. Comments, suggestions and healthy debate are always welcome. Flames? Ouch!.

TIMESPAN/SPOILER WARNING.: I'd like to think this story takes place shortly after "Demons" and before Gethsemene. I may be stretching the time frame here but, well, this is fiction, isn't it? I also make references to '3', 'Duane Barry', and by default, 'Ascension'. However, these references are just used in the context of the story and I expect everyone has seen those episodes long ago.

KEYWORDS: story romance angst Mulder Scully NC-17

DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder Dana Scully and Langly belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is being made from their use. Clarice Starling appears in the film 'Silence of the Lambs,' as well as the novel of the same name by Thomas Harris, so I apologize for using her too. The lyrics to "Heaven's in Here" are property of David Bowie under license to EMI-USA, a division of Capitol Records. This song is on the Tin Machine CD. Once again, no copyright infringement is intended.

Heaven's in Here

by frogdoggie

It was a Wednesday morning, and Dana Scully watched her partner pace back and forth on the other side of the basement office. She waited patiently for his anger to subside, sighing as he slammed the file he was carrying down on his desk with a slap.

"You know, Scully if I have to bend over and assume the position one more time for Walter Skinner, I'm going to start carrying along a tube of K-Y jelly." Fox Mulder complained, voice raised.

"Mulder..." Scully began.

"No, really, listen, he is so out of line on this case, I can't believe it! Of all the bureaucratic bullshit..." Mulder was shouting.

'He's really working himself up,' Scully thought, worry creasing her brow.

"And I'm sure he can hear that for himself now, without any trouble, Mulder," Scully interrupted pitching her words just loud enough to make them sting and get his attention.

"What?" Mulder stopped and stared at her with a disorientated look.

"I mean, I'm sure that with the way you're shouting he's heard you all the way upstairs," Scully replied rubbing her temple.

Mulder noticed her movement and the immediate look of contrition on his face brought another sigh from Scully. "Now I've made him guilty," she sadly thought.

"Hey, ah, Scully, I'm sorry. Are you all right? Would you like me to get you something?" he asked, concern on his face.

'I think this is a little beyond *something*' Dana thought bitterly.

"No, Mulder, I'm fine, really. Just, well, let's just talk about this Skinner business, all right. There has to be some reason he's objecting to the report. Let's go over it again and maybe we can find a way to settle the disagreement."

"Yeah, you're right. Damn it, I shouldn't let Skinner push my button like that," Mulder agreed, "I'm sorry."

"It's all right," Scully replied.

"Well, I'm certainly willing to take another look at the report," Mulder offered, "But I think I'd handle it better on some caffeine. Would you like some coffee?" he asked motioning towards the office door.

"Sure, that would be fine," Scully answered rising to get the file from Mulder's desk. Mulder smiled weakly at her, and passed her on his way to the coffee machine.

Dana Scully was upset about her partner. Mulder's nervousness, anger and depression since the incident with Dr. Goldstein worried her. He had been required to undergo some therapy after the case and the sessions seemed to be helping. He was near the end of the treatment, however, and Scully still had her worries about him. She was afraid that the seizure's Goldstein had induced in Mulder, under the agents own request, had done some horrible permanent damage to him. Scully still couldn't believe the lengths Mulder had taken to fill in the blanks in his memory regarding his sister. The hole in the head had been particularly terrifying. She knew he was obsessed with Samantha's disappearance. But, Scully had never seen what his total desperation to find the truth might cause him to do, until that awful night in Goldstein's office.

So, here she was worrying about him. 'Maybe I shouldn't be,' she thought. He had outbursts, but they were getting less frequent. He certainly was more quiet at times, but then Mulder wasn't always a man of many words anyway. If anything, he had been more solicitous to her, ever mindful of her physical condition. They didn't talk about the cancer eating away at her, but it lay there between them nonetheless. 'Maybe my obsessive worry over him is just another way for me to stop worrying about myself' she thought ruefully. 'Well, if that's the case, I guess it serves a useful purpose,' she added grimly.

Skully's thoughts were interrupted by the chirping of her cell phone. 'Who could this be?' she mused, startled out of her reverie. She pressed a button and spoke into the phone, "Dana Scully."

"Dana? This is Clarice Starling."

"Clarice? My God, I haven't heard from you in ages! Where are you?" Scully asked, a smile springing to her face.

"I'm on a plane flying to DC," she replied. Scully could hear the noise of the plane over the connection.

"Wonderful, when will you arrive?" Scully asked smiling even more broadly.

"This afternoon, actually," Clarice replied.

"Marvelous, we have to get together," Scully said. 'there's a lot to catch up on,' she thought sadly. But she brightened a little again as Clarice's voice laughed out of the receiver.

"You must have read my mind."

As she was talking, Mulder came back into the office with the coffee. As soon as he put the cups down, he pointed at her, and the phone, and raised his eyebrows.

"Can you hang on a second? Mulder just came in," Scully asked Clarice.

"Mulder? How is old "Spooky"? she asked, genuine affection in her voice.

"Here, I'll let him answer that question," Scully told Clarice.

Mulder mouthed the words, "Who is it?" at her as Scully handed him the cell phone.

"Clarice Starling," Scully replied smiling at him. She was puzzled then by the look on his face. Suddenly, for a fleeting moment, a wince passed over his countenance. It was gone very swiftly but it had been there as he put the cell phone to his ear.

"Clarice?" he asked.

"Mulder, how the hell are you?" she replied.

"Not bad. Yourself?" Mulder said.

"Great, I'm coming into town. I thought the three of us could get together for dinner and talk over old times," Clarice suggested.

"Say, Clarice, I'm sorry. I'm leaving this evening to go up to Chilmark. I have a couple of days off, and well, I have to, I need to do some stuff for my mother."

Mulder was swallowing hard and Scully felt her heart lurch. He looked so forlorn. She knew there were things the therapist was making him do, and reestablishing a better relationship with his mother was probably one of them. She listened as Mulder continued his excuses.

"But hey, don't let me stop you and Scully from having a *ladies night out*. I wouldn't dream of trying to get in the way of you two wild women."

Dana raised her eyebrows. 'Wild Women?' 'Hmm, she'd have to ask Clarice about that one. Clarice must have said something amusing then because Mulder tilted his head back and really laughed and the look and sound of it made Scully feel much better.

Mulder handed the phone back to Scully and went to sit down behind his desk. Scully put the receiver to her ear.

"Dana?"

"Yes, it's me again."

"So, how does a 'Ladies Night Out' sound to you?" Clarice laughed.

"It sounds like a plan." Scully agreed grinning.

"Ok, I'll be seeing you at the Hoover Building later this afternoon then - maybe around 4 PM or so."

"Great Clarice, I'll see you around 4." Scully answered as the connection was broken from the other end.

Clarice Starling had been one of Scully's best friends at Quantico. They had stayed in touch as much as possible over the years. When she and Mulder had first been partnered, Clarice had been in town and the three of them had had dinner and drinks together a couple of times. Mulder had been very interested in talking to her about Hannibal Lecter, of course. The two of them had seemed to hit it right off, and Scully was glad because she had wanted Mulder to like Clarice.

She had lost track of Clarice though for the last year or so, and the phone call made her realize just how much she missed talking to her. 'A ladies night out is just what I need,' she thought. Anything to get her mind off Mulder, and the job and, and dying...' she let that thought trail off.

"So, are you two going to paint the town red tonight?" Mulder interrupted her depressing mental litany.

"Yes, it should be fun," Scully admitted, trying to cheer herself.

"Well, just make sure you two watch your step. I don't want to see you in Skinner's office getting the 'assume the position' treatment." Mulder joked.

Scully laughed. That was more like the old Mulder she thought with relief.

"Don't worry, I'm sure we can manage to mind our Ps and Qs," she retorted. "Let's get back to that report."

At 3 PM, Mulder left the office mumbling that he needed to get his act together at home before he drove up to Martha's Vineyard. Scully had the distinct impression that he was leaving early to avoid seeing Clarice. The whole thing was very strange. 'I really will have to talk to Clarice about it,' she thought as Mulder pulled on his jacket.

"Have a great time tonight, Scully. I really mean it. Let your hair down a little," Mulder said, with a lopsided grin.

"I'll take it under advisement, Agent Mulder," Scully replied smiling back. "And, Mulder," she added.

"Yeah?"

"Take it easy, all right?" she said, exhaling, as he stood in the doorway.

"Yes, Ma'am," he replied giving her a mock salute and then he turned and was gone.

'He looks just like a little boy, sometimes,' Scully thought to herself. Deep down she knew he was trying his best to shake off the nightmare that had been Dr. Charles Goldstein. She'd do anything to help him. Her feelings for Mulder were always so confusing, and often painful. She was bound to him for better or worse though, she knew it, he knew it, and sometimes she wished the whole world knew it, and be damned. She wasn't sure if it was love, but it was pretty close, and maybe it was something even better. She didn't dare talk to him about her feelings and he seemed to close himself off behind a professional shell as well. So, they continued in their dance, never touching but always touched, trusting no one else, but not trusting each other enough to make that last intimate connection.

Scully was adding some final notes to the report she and Mulder had been working on when a familiar voice broke into her writing.

"Well, there she is, Dana *Nose to the Grindstone* Scully."

Scully looked up to see Clarice Starling standing in the office doorway.

"Clarice!" she exclaimed rising to meet the other woman. She grabbed her in a bear hug and both of them dissolved into laughter.

Clarice broke the embrace first and holding Scully at arms length looked her up and down.

"Dana, you look like hell," she criticized half humorously, but with a slight look of concern. Clarice didn't know about the cancer and Scully had been trying to think of ways to tell her all afternoon.

"Well, you know that's why they put the B in F *Burn-out* I," she retorted instead.

"Well, I know just what you need, woman...dinner, drinks, and girl talk...let's go," Clarice commanded and Dana Scully was swept up in her exuberance.

The two women left the building and since Clarice had taken a cab from the airport, Scully offered her car as transportation. Scully wanted to go home to change and Clarice thought that would be just fine. Soon the two women were driving to Scully's apartment and talking over old times.

"Where are you staying?" Scully asked Clarice during a break in the conversation. "The Sheraton," Clarice replied. I have a seminar there, a pretty mundane one, on computer crime actually, but it should be interesting."

"The Sheraton? Why? Didn't you want to stay at my place?" Scully asked, slightly offended.

"Hey, Dana don't get your undies in a bunch. I wasn't sure you'd be in town. I gambled on the phone call as it was," Clarice replied with a chuckle.

"Oh, of course. Well, I won't hear no for an answer now - you're staying with me until...

"I'm in town 'til Friday morning."

"All right, you're staying with me until Friday then," Scully stated matter of factly.

"Ok, ok, I give up, I'm your *doubtful guest*," Clarice laughed with a shake of her blond hair.

-End of Part 1-

TITLE: Heaven's in Here

(Part 2 of 5)

NAME: frogdoggie

E-MAIL: frogdoggie@hotmail.com

CATEGORY: SRA

RATING: NC-17, and I mean it. This story contains GRAPHIC SEXUAL SITUATIONS AND LANGUAGE. So, if you don't like graphic stuff - STOP NOW! Forewarned is forearmed.

DISCLAIMER: The usual. See Part 1.

Dinner was wonderful, at a nice, quiet little Italian restaurant, with pasta and wine and more marvelous conversation. Clarice wasn't drinking, but she saw to it that Scully enjoyed herself, sensing that her friend was troubled and needed to relax.

"Really, Clarice, I shouldn't drink any more wine," Scully smiled, pushing the glass away, "you know how I am when I've had too much."

"Do I ever. Remember that time when Paul Adams?..."

"Let's not go there, Clarice..." Scully laughed ruefully.

Clarice grinned back at her. "Well, don't worry about the wine tonight, Dana, I'm the designated driver," Then her expression became more somber and she said, "Dana, I have to ask you - Is everything all right?"

"All right?" Scully asked.

"Yes. You seem really tense, and you do really look like shit- seriously," Clarice peered at her, concern once again on her face.

Scully just stared back and then a single tear started to leak from one eye.

"Oh, Hon, what's wrong?" Clarice asked, sliding over in the circular booth to sit next to Scully and hold her shoulders.

"God Clarice, it's such a long story."

"Is it Mulder?" Clarice asked suddenly, to Scully's surprise.

"Mulder?" she replied somewhat dully as her friend reached for a napkin to give her. "What do you mean?" Scully added using the napkin to dab at the corner of her eye.

"Well, he sounded so strange on the phone this morning and then he wasn't there when I got in. I just thought there was something wrong between you two, or he had said something to you or....." she let her voice trail off.

"Mulder's been under a lot of strain, Clarice. Something really horrible happened to him on our last case and he's still working through all of it, I think," Scully replied sniffling.

"Yeah, well, that's not exactly what I was getting at," Clarice said, her mouth tight.

"What do you mean then?" Scully asked really confused.

"I mean are you two having problems, did he do something to hurt you, Dana?"

What Clarice was getting at started to sink through the glasses of wine, at last. 'Oh God,' Scully thought, 'Clarice thinks we're involved. That she and Mulder... Oh no.'

"Clarice, it's not what you think," Scully stammered, her embarrassment adding to the wine flush in her face.

"Oh, yeah?" Clarice asked eyebrows raised.

"Yes, really, Mulder and I, we never, I mean I wouldn't, it's against regulations," she was making an ass out of herself and she hated it.

"Dana, shut up," Clarice hugged her tight. "Get serious, this is Clarice you're talking to here, remember?"

"I am serious," Scully hissed stiffening in the other's embrace.

Clarice released her and moving away slightly looked her in the eyes.

"You are serious?" she asked with chagrin, "Oh, Dana, I'm really sorry. It's just that well, I just assumed that after...oh shit, I should just take my own advise and shut the hell up."

Her remark caused a wheel to turn in Scully's mind and Mulder's 'Wild Woman' comment rode right in on it.

"What's going on Clarice?" Dana asked real curiosity mixed with dread in her voice.

"Listen, Dana, I don't want to talk about it, all right, it's old news. And I'm not sure it's the type of news you'd want to hear right now."

"Oh, come on Clarice! You can't let me hang like this!" Scully said her voice rising almost hysterically.

"Whoa, Dana, it's all right," Clarice comforted, scooting close and embracing her once again.

"Look, this isn't the place to talk about this anyway. Let me take you home, ok, and then I'll explain."

The drive back to Scully's apartment was spent in silence. A thousand thoughts warred in Scully's mind. 'How could Clarice be so stupid?' she thought, 'Stupid? Who was she kidding? Clarice Starling was one of the top agents in the country. Of course she wasn't stupid, she was damned observant. I'm the one that's a cretin,' Scully thought. Her feelings for Mulder were probably written all over her face to someone as intuitively talented as Clarice. Scully may have been good at denying them but Clarice knew the truth. 'Damn' Scully cursed silently. This was going to be a hard night - not exactly what she had in mind when Clarice had suggested a ladies night out.

Back at her apartment, they threw their coats off and Clarice put her bags in the second bedroom. Scully, the polite hostess asked, "Would you like some coffee?"

"Actually, I think I'd like a shot of something, you have any Tequila? I'm going to need it."

Scully rolled her eyes like a frightened colt, and went into the kitchen to search her pantry. She returned shortly to find Clarice seated on the couch, her shoes off and feet curled under her. Dana placed the full bottle of Tequila on the coffee table and set the lemon slices, salt and 2 shot glasses next to it. Clarice nodded in approval and taking the bottle, filled both shots. She handed one to Scully and then said...

"Skoal, Scully," and upended the glass. Scully did the same, the Tequila rushing down her throat like liquid fire. Both woman completed the ritual with salt and lemon and then Clarice sat back against the couch pillows.

Scully was mute so Clarice started to talk, very quietly and without really looking into Scully's face.

"Dana, and don't interrupt me now, all right, but I just have to tell you, I can not believe you are not involved with Fox Mulder."

Scully didn't heed her request "Clarice, I swear to God, we aren't, really! I mean, I respect him and we're very close friends, but I'm not, we're not - involved, for crying out loud! It's against policy, as you very well know."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, if we're screwing each other someone might find out and then our careers might be in jeopardy, blah, blah, blah. We have to keep a professional distance. Shit Dana, that didn't stop you with Jack Willis," Clarice replied.

"Jack and I weren't partners." Scully answered quietly, the memory of him painful even to this day, "And besides, I was young and dumb," she added petulantly.

"Oh, let's not split hairs, here, please!" Clarice spat out.

"Clarice, why are we fighting about this?" Scully asked in desperation. "I told you that Mulder and I are not involved, can't you believe me."

Clarice turned for the first time and looked into her face. Scully was shocked to see an expression of bitter anger there and she pulled back slightly to get away from the heat.

"Because if that's true then Mulder deserves so much better," Clarice answered with vehemence.

Scully's mouth dropped open. She sucked in her breath, angry herself now and then asked.

"What the hell do you mean by that, Clarice?"

Clarice's hands were shaking slightly, and she worked to cool her anger, reaching for the bottle of Tequila, and pouring herself another shot. After she downed it she spoke again.

"Dana, I'm going to tell you this and I don't want you to break in with any bullshit, all right. I want to get it all out, and it's going to be hard enough. I know it's going to hurt you, but, you asked for it.

"Go on.." Scully replied and then was silent.

"When you disappeared that time, Dana, the Duane Barry thing, well, the word got around you know. I was worried sick. The word also got around that old "Spooky" Mulder was acting even stranger since your disappearance. I started to worry about him too. I called Walter Skinner in order to find out what was going on, but he was so obtuse that I got even more worried. I had some time off coming, so, I decided I'd hop the first flight out here and see if I could find out what was up with Mulder.

Scully stared at her friend, apprehension growing in her breast. She kept silent, however, out of respect for Clarice's wishes as her friend continued.

"Dana, he was a mess, really. I met him for dinner and he looked like someone had tried to lobotomize him and then put the pieces back in again upside down. He was unshaved and...well I won't go into that part of it. He started drinking at dinner and he really had too much, so I took him home to sleep it off."

"Anyway, when we got to his apartment he started begging me not to leave him alone, he was really distraught, so I went in with him. Dana, he was babbling on about some case, some shit about a vampire cult, and some woman, oh, I don't know, it was so weird. He was berating himself over and over because he had fucked this woman, that was his word too - not 'we made love' or 'I slept with her' - I fucked her - and then well, he started to cry."

By this time Scully had a hand to her mouth and her blue eyes had gotten very wide. Clarice glanced in her direction and then at the Tequila bottle. "Dana, you'd better have another shot." Without hesitation, Scully complied.

"Well, it all came out then, Dana. 'How could I do that to her, and what was I thinking. And Jesus to God, I'm an asshole, a sick fuck, a psycho bastard' etc. etc. ad infinitum. He was slapping himself in the head so hard I thought he was going to concuss himself. I stopped him then, and held him because I was afraid to let him go. He kept crying, and the words didn't stop. 'Clarice, I can't believe she's dead, I can't, I don't know what I'd do without her, I don't know if I can go on. It's just like my sister all over again.' He was sobbing, Dana, really heaving up his guts. I didn't know what to say, so, you know, I just rocked him and rubbed his back - the usual maternal crap you resort to in situations like that. I felt pretty impotent."

Scully was beyond thought as Clarice paused in her recitation. Overwhelming feelings of guilt swept over her until it was almost painful. She had never imagined Mulder had gone through such tremendous anguish. Once again she had sensed some of it, but they had remained closed off to each other over even this seminal event in their relationship. Scully began to cry, silently, as Clarice continued.

"'I love her, Clarice,' he finally told me - like it wasn't obvious! God, I never saw a guy so devoted to anyone, Dana. The next thing he said was pretty bitter too and I remember being surprised at the time. He said 'And you know what Clarice, I'm such a fucking coward, I never even told her.' And then he just kept repeating 'But I do love her, I do love her,' over and over like the words were some kind of mantra that you'd hear, and maybe use, to find your way back to him. By this time both of us were pretty strung out, so I went into the kitchen to get some water...." her voice stopped causing Scully to grab her arm.

"Clarice, please, I don't know how much more of this I can listen too," Scully whispered.

Clarice seemed to ignore her as the Tequila and her memories combined to keep her talking.

"When I came out of the kitchen he was still sitting on the couch, but he was on the edge of it, and he had his service revolver placed right in front of him on the coffee table. He was just staring at it, blankly, Dana, like maybe, just maybe, he was going to use it. I got really scared then and I was going to tackle him, or call 911, or, well, anything to get him some help. But he fooled me, I guess, because instead of picking up the gun and blowing his brains out, he just pushed it aside and then took his badge out, and his watch off. He was getting ready for bed! He pulled his feet up under him on that damn couch and he passed out, shoes on and all.

"He sleeps on the couch," Scully weakly whispered.

Clarice blinked at Scully for just a moment, and then kept on with the rest of her story, in the same dreamlike voice. "I stayed with him all night, Dana. I sat on the chair across from him, wide awake, all night long. I can tell you what every fish looked like in that damn tank of his. In the morning, he woke up and he seemed better. We talked more rationally because he had sobered up. He's strong, you know Dana, maybe stronger then anyone thinks. He was really determined to find you. He had no doubt you were still alive. He said he'd know it, if you were really dead. I didn't doubt it."

"So, Dana, when I said he deserved better, what I meant was that if you don't love him, you'd better tell him damn quick. Because even if he hasn't said a word to you, for whatever reason, he really is in love with you."

Clarice finished then with a prolonged sigh. She turned to her friend and began "Dana, I'm so sorry honey, if this hurt you, I didn't mean it to, I..." she stopped dead however when she saw Scully's face. Scully's tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, mixing horribly with the dark blood streaming from her nose.

"Oh my God, Dana!" Clarice screamed as Scully's hands flew up to her face.

-End of Part 2-

TITLE: Heaven's in Here

(Part 3 of 5 )

NAME: frogdoggie

E-MAIL: frogdoggie@hotmail.com

CATEGORY: SRA

RATING: NC-17, and I mean it. This story contains GRAPHIC SEXUAL SITUATIONS AND LANGUAGE. So, if you don't like graphic stuff - STOP NOW! Forewarned is forearmed.

DISCLAIMER: The usual. See Part 1.

Of course after the blood, Scully told Clarice about the cancer. She didn't go into all the X-Files related reasons behind the illness because when it came right down to it, Clarice Starling was an even bigger skeptic than Scully. But she told her enough - that it was inoperable and that she was more than likely dying.

The two women cried together then, holding each other tightly, their tears and Scully's blood mingling together on both their faces. Eventually they started to calm down and Clarice was the first to recover her composure.

"Dana, why don't you go clean yourself up, I'll make us some coffee."

"But, what about you? There, there's blood all over your blouse."

"There's always the sink," she replied heading for the kitchen.

'The coffee tastes good' Dana thought later, 'much better than the taste of blood,' she added dismally, sipping from a mug Clarice had presented to her.

"Dana, I'm just so sorry," Clarice said again, if I'd known about the cancer - Christ, how could I have been so stupid," she said with anger.

"Oh, Clarice, how could you have even suspected? Women my age usually don't develop cancer, especially a rare one like this. How could you possibly have known?"

"Very logical, but allow me to wallow in self pity a little here, all right?" she replied smiling slightly. Dana smiled back.

"And I am so sorry about that whole Mulder business," she added, "I'm really batting a thousand tonight."

Scully glanced over at her friend with a look that told Clarice Starling that maybe she had hit a home run after all.

"Oh no, Dana, don't tell me," she began and then, "On second thought, forget it, please I know you can't take another crying jag, and Christ, neither can I."

Scully actually laughed a little at the comment and then spoke up.

"Clarice, Mulder and I have a really - well, difficult - relationship. We're so distant with each other so much of the time, and then suddenly we'll be so close it's agonizing. He can be so obsessed and selfish, but lately he's been solicitous and considerate and...oh, I don't know- I trust him and depend on him, and I know he trusts and depends on me, but he can be so infuriating..."

"Sounds like love to me," Clarice said quietly, touching her hair.

Scully looked at her, and replied equally as quietly, "I do love him, Clarice."

Clarice held her close again, and said, "Dana if you really love the guy then don't you think you should say something to him, I mean now, especially?"

"You mean before it's too late?" Scully asked, bitter again.

"Of course that's what I mean," Clarice stroked her hair lightly, and then to break the mood she said, "Besides, I could never imagine how you kept your hands off him for this long - I couldn't have!" she giggled, the coffee not having quite won it's war with the Tequila.

"Clarice!" Scully replied in mock indignation, struggling to drag herself up out of her morass of fear and self pity as well.

"Well, I mean, don't you think he's a 'Fox' - God, his parent's must have been either psychic or believed in pre-destination to saddle him with that one," Clarice snorted.

It was Scully's turn to giggle then, "Well, I have to admit I have caught myself looking at his ass more than a few times," she admitted, the tension, wine, and Tequila making her giddy.

"Ah, ha, see," Clarice replied. "Truth or Dare?" she added.

"All right," Dana brazened, feeling dizzy.

"Would you sleep with him if he asked you, now?" Clarice asked grinning slightly.

"Would you?" Scully shot back, laughing.

"I asked first," Clarice replied.

"Not just fucking?" Scully asked, suddenly more quiet.

"No, I mean making love," Clarice replied touching her hand.

"In a heartbeat," Scully replied looking down into her coffee.

Scully began to leak tears again, and Clarice started cooing over her and then mock bullied her into stopping. They talked some more about other men they had known and had, and about the Academy, and a dozen other things. Anything to stay off the subjects of cancer and death.

After a while Scully began to really droop, yawning into her coffee cup, her head dropping forward and then snapping back up again.

"Hey, you'd better go to bed, Dana." Clarice said helping her friend to get up.

"Hmm, oh, yeah, what time is it?" she asked muzzily.

"Late. Look, Dana, I'm going to blow off that seminar, tomorrow. It's not a mandatory thing, just something I elected to do on my own. It'll be given again, I'm sure. Why don't you call in sick and we'll go shopping, do lunch, all that trendy stuff. How would you like that?" Clarice asked hopefully.

"S,fine, Clarice, sounds wonderful," Scully replied groggily.

"Great, come on then, let me get you to bed." Clarice said taking Scully by the arm. She helped her friend get out of her clothes and into some pajamas, and then guided her into bed. Scully was asleep even before Clarice could get the covers tucked in around her.

Scully saw Clarice off at the airport on Friday. Amongst tears and "Call me if you need anything, and don't be stupid about it either," the two woman said their good byes. Scully watched the plane leave the ground and then she went home and had a lost weekend.

She spent most of it in bed, reading or watching television, and thinking of everything that had transpired. She didn't like spending the weekend flat on her back, but quite frankly she needed the rest, the cancer, as well as the stress making her bone tired. Her mother called and they had a pleasant conversation which Scully promptly forgot the minute she hung up the phone. All she could think about was Mulder.

Monday morning dawned too soon and Scully went into work with much trepidation. By the time she reached the basement office, however, she had managed to don the *Agent Dana Scully* persona again, and setting her shoulders prepared to meet her partner. Mulder wasn't at his desk and for a moment she panicked, but then she saw his suit coat on the back of his chair and she was calm again.

Mulder soon appeared carrying two cups of coffee. "Morning," he said cheerfully, "I thought you might be in soon, so I brought some coffee," he added handing her one of the cups.

"Thanks, I can really use the caffeine," she said taking it from him. When their fingers accidentally touched it felt like an electric shock traveled up her arm and right into her lungs. She gasped slightly and dropped the cup onto the floor with a crash.

"Oh, God," she yelped, "I'm sorry! I just didn't have a good hold on it," she stammered as Mulder rushed to get some paper towels.

"That's ok, no harm done, The FBI can afford another 500 dollar coffee cup, I'm sure," he joked.

"To go along with the 10,000 dollar toilet seat?" Scully asked keeping with the mood.

"Exactly," Mulder retorted.

Scully laughed then and Mulder joined in and they went back to business as usual with surprising speed.

The week went on, and Scully wasn't surprised when Mulder didn't ask her very much about Clarice. He made a few remarks and questions about her visit but nothing too deep and mostly out of politeness. Scully could understand now why Mulder was uncomfortable around her friend. She couldn't blame him. For her part, Scully treated Mulder's visit to Chilmark in the same way. Nothing too deep, and "How is your mother, Mulder?" was about it.

On Friday morning Mulder had the last of his mandatory therapy sessions, and when he came back from it, he was very irritable. Scully could hardly stand to watch him in that condition again, but it passed more quickly this time, and they were back to bantering and joking before the afternoon was over. Scully noticed, however, that Mulder kept sneaking surreptitious looks at her all afternoon like he had something on his mind.

Finally at about 3 PM, Mulder took the plunge.

"Ah, Scully, you know I've been really, well... I'd like to apologize." he began, coughing slightly. He had that *little boy lost look* on his face again and Scully's heart took a tremendous lurch in her chest.

"You don't need to apologize. I know what you've been through," Scully replied quietly.

"Yeah, well, I haven't been very pleasant to work with over the last few weeks," he continued shuffling papers around on his desk.

"Well... when you put it that way," Scully looked over at him, allowing a small smile to play on her lips.

"Hey, don't agree with me so fast," he grinned, and then he pressed on.

"Anyway, I'd like to make it up to you, ok? Are you doing anything tonight?" he asked. From the look on his face it was as if his entire life depended on Scully's next words. 'Maybe it does,' Scully thought, 'Maybe mine does.'

"Tonight? No. I don't have any plans."

She saw a visible wave of relief pass over Mulder's whole body and he even sat up straighter as he replied. "Well, in that case would you allow me to take you out, my treat? I know this club downtown, it has live music and great atmosphere and.." he was babbling and Scully put up a hand.

"Mulder, I'd love to go," she said simply.

"Great, excellent," he said smiling, "Shall I pick you up around 8 then?"

"Do I need to dress up?" she asked. She hoped not, she'd rather be comfortably dressed for whatever lay ahead.

"No, nothing formal, this place is pretty eclectic," he answered It's not a dump or anything, but the crowd is mostly musicians and artists. You know, Bohemian types that sleep on their couches - like me." he joked. "But, really, I think you'll like it."

"It does sound interesting." Scully admitted.

"Ok, I'll pick you up at 8 then."

The clock was nearing 8 PM as Scully finished dressing. She'd had a lot of trouble picking out what to wear. She had finally decided on a simple little black dress with a shawl that matched and comfortable black pumps. The dress had been hanging at the back of her closet, waiting for a special occasion, and Scully figured that this evening would more than qualify. She hoped the dress didn't make her look too pale, but it really was stylish and she wanted to look nice for Mulder. She looked in the mirror and thought, 'Not bad, Dana' and then unbidden into her mind came the inevitable second comment 'for someone dying of cancer.'

That second thought steeled Scully's nerve. I'm going to talk to Mulder tonight if I have to drink a whole bottle of Tequila to do it,' she vowed silently. The fact that he had even asked her out told Scully that something was up anyway, and she decided to take their "date" as an open opportunity to settle the matter of her feelings for him once and for all.

Her doorbell rang promptly at 8 PM. A peek through the side window told her that it was indeed, Mulder. She opened the door and let him in. "Oh my God, he looks fabulous,' was the first thing that entered her mind as he came in the door.

Mulder was dressed all in black as well. Black jeans, black shirt and tie, and black sports jacket. He was wearing his glasses for a change and the entire effect was rather breathtaking.

"Mulder," she said appreciatively, "You look..."

"Spooky?" he asked with a half smile.

"No, fantastic," she replied blushing. His grin widened and then he brought his hand out from behind his back. In it were a dozen red tea roses."

"Uh, these are for you, Scully," he said quietly not looking her straight in the eye.

"Oh, Mulder, they're lovely," Scully whispered taking the roses from him and cradling them in her arms. "Let me go get a vase to put them in," she said immediately and turned to go further into the apartment. "Why don't you sit on the couch, I'll be right back."

When she returned with the flowers, Mulder was sprawled, waiting. He took a good look at her then and gave out a low whistle.

"My, Ms. Scully you certainly look purty tonight," he drawled, the grin still firmly in place.

Scully put the flowers down on a table and then impulsively did a little spin. "Like it?" she asked looking down at the dress.

"Oh, yes, Ma'am," he replied. The air was dead between them for a moment, and then Mulder broke the tension by glancing at his watch. "We'd better get going, I don't want you to miss any of the bands. They're all supposed to be pretty good tonight."

"Bands?" Scully asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Oh, didn't I tell you, it's amateur night at the club," Mulder replied.

-End of Part 3-

TITLE: Heaven's in Here

(Part 4 of 5 )

NAME: frogdoggie

E-MAIL: frogdoggie@hotmail.com

CATEGORY: SRA

RATING: NC-17, and I mean it. This story contains GRAPHIC SEXUAL SITUATIONS AND LANGUAGE. So, if you don't like graphic stuff - STOP NOW! Forewarned is forearmed.

DISCLAIMER: The usual. See Part 1.

The club was called Area 51 and Scully had to laugh at that. It figured Mulder would find a place with a name like Area 51. It was rather eclectic, one might say eccentric inside, but the club's tables and chairs did look comfortable and there was a good sized, slightly, raised stage filled with band equipment and instruments. There was even a dance floor. 'This isn't such a bad place,' Scully thought as Mulder escorted her to a seat near the stage.

"I want you to have a good view," he said as he pulled the chair out for her. Scully was amazed. She was certainly seeing a different Fox Mulder tonight. If she hadn't been so receptive, and he so charming, it would have been a bit, well, spooky. He sat down close to her and she could feel the warmth radiating from his body. He had on some kind of musky aftershave that smelled exquisite. Scully looked at his profile as he scanned the room, and for the first time admitted to herself how much she really did love this man. There was no denying it any longer.

Mulder was signaling for a waitress to come to the table. "Would you like something to drink?" he turned to her and asked.

"Oh, that would be fine," she considered a moment. "What are you having?" she asked.

"Just some orange juice, actually, ah, I shouldn't drink and drive," he answered his eyes evading hers. 'God, I wonder if the therapist has him on some kind of medication,' Scully thought with alarm. 'I hope tonight isn't the result of some drug induced mood swing, that would be too cruel.'

"Well, I'll just have some coffee then," she replied with a smile and impulsively taking a plunge of her own, she gently stroked the back of his hand. The look on Mulder's face told her everything she needed to know. His jaw muscles jumped as he placed his other hand over hers and looked into her eyes. "Scully, I..." he began to say.

"Can I get you two something to drink?" the waitress interrupted and Scully gave her a really venomous look.

"Coffee for the lady, and I'll just have some orange juice." he replied.

"De-Caf or regular?" The waitress asked Scully.

"Regular, black," she replied trying to smile, 'And get out of my face' she thought to herself.

As if reading her mind the waitress disappeared. Mulder released her hand, and looking at Scully said, "Can you excuse me for a second, I have to use the men's room. The first band will be on in a minute and if the lights go down before I get back stay put, and I'll find you, ok?"

"All right, Mulder," she replied.

As an afterthought Mulder took some cash out of his pocket and put it on the table, "This should pay for the drinks," he added as he headed off towards the men's room.

The waitress brought their drinks and Scully took a sip of her coffee. Soon the lights did indeed begin to dim. The room fell dark except for the spots aimed at the stage. Well, Mulder was going to miss some of the first band. There's probably a line for the men's room,' she thought as she settled back to watch the performance.

An announcer came out and adjusting the microphone, barked into it, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce our first band tonight. These guys really rock, so let's give it up for *Hanger 18*.

Four men dressed in black came out from somewhere, stage left and mounted the platform. Scully was startled to see Langly, one of the Lone Gunmen, lope across the stage to pick up the lead guitar at stage right. She had no idea Langly played guitar much less played in a band. She'd believed he spent most of his time acting paranoid and taping calls that came into the Lone Gunman's office. 'This must be why Mulder wanted her to come to the club tonight,' she surmised, smiling and deciding to enjoy the show.

Once the rest of the band had taken up their instruments, Langly walked to the microphone stand and raised it slightly. Then he spoke into the mike. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a guest vocalist tonight, he's new at this, so I hope you'll have mercy on him, all right?" he glanced back to his right and motioned for someone else to come up on stage. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Fox Mulder."

Scully's mouth shot open in shock as Mulder sprung lightly up onto the platform, and took center stage at the microphone. Langly waited for him. The mike picked up Langly's admonishment of "Just take a deep breath and count to 10," as he finally moved back, hefting his guitar in anticipation.

Mulder squinted out into the audience, the spots reflecting off his glasses. He reached up and loosened his tie. Scully could see him swallow deeply twice, and then he took the microphone in his hands. "Uh, we're going to do a David Bowie cover now, it's called *Heaven's in Here*. He glanced back at Langly who quickly shook his head up and down. Mulder turned back to the mike and said almost off-handily "This is for Dana," and with two quick pumps of his hand he signaled the band to play. People immediately got up and the dance floor was soon filled, as the first electric guitar lick whined around the room.

Scully was transfixed as the guitars wailed out a plaintive, seductive lead in. This was all too unbelievable. Her hands shook and she placed them in her lap to still them. The blood was rushing to her face and as Mulder straddled the microphone, closed his eyes and began to sing she was hypnotized by the music and the lyrics.

baby i dream between the blade and the tongue
of the rose on your cheek the wounded & dumb
we stumble and fall we stumble and fall
skin on skin but there's heaven in.....
heaven's in here
heaven's in here
among the twilight and stars
like a rocket to mars
heaven in here

His voice was raw, and powerful and filled with passion. Scully could barely watch as Mulder clutched the microphone, pouring his soul into it. Somewhere in the back of her stunned mind she said to herself 'he's really good' and 'where in the hell did he learn to sing like that?' but the thoughts barely made it up to the forefront of her brain and she mostly stared in wonder at his performance. Mulder cradled the microphone and as he continued his voice seemed to pierce Scully's heart.

the first and the last are telling it all
telling you loud but selling it small
i'm taking a swing at this shadow of mine
crucifix hangs an' my heart's in my mouth
but it's here
heaven's in here
among the twilight and stars
rocket to mars
heaven's in here

Dana Scully's breath came in shallow little gasps as Mulder worked the microphone center stage. He moved with a grace and unmistakable sexual magnetism that couldn't be ignored. A flush spread from the top of Scully's breasts up into her face. Of course, she realized what was happening as her stomach fluttered and the tingling sensation traveled straight down between her legs. She felt herself becoming wet and at last, there it was, love coupled with lust, and Scully gave herself over to the sensation, because it made her feel alive, as Mulder's voice stoked her heat from the stage.

heaven in one sigh
heaven in two eyes

heaven lies between your marbled thighs
the rustle of your falling gown
we stumble and fall like tragedy falls
we stumble and twirl there's heaven in here
we stumble and fall uncertain we fall
flesh on flesh but there's heaven in ...
heaven's in here
heaven's in here
among the twilight and stars
like a rocket to mars
heaven's in here
you'll dance to my tongue we'll
dance on the sun
we're the twilight and stars
there's heaven in here

There was an extended guitar solo at the end which Langly handled with his own surprising grace and talent. Mulder stood aside as Langly took center stage but he continued to sway to the music, eyes shut and mouth slightly open.

Scully couldn't stop taking in every inch of his body. She knew he was performing just for her, and she still couldn't believe he had taken this method to reveal his feelings for her. It was just crazy enough, just off the wall enough however, to be just like Fox Mulder. She was impressed, and touched and aroused beyond words as the song ended and the entire club erupted in applause. She joined in as Mulder bowed slightly and mumbling "thank you" into the microphone disappeared from the stage.

"Fox Mulder!" Langly stepped forward and yelled into the mike and the applause increased in volume.

The spotlights changed slightly then and Hanger 18 began their second song of the evening, another Bowie tune but this time the much more sedate, *Space Oddity*.

Scully slumped in her chair. She hadn't realized how straight and tense she had been holding her body. She reached forward, and picking up her coffee cup, gulped down the contents. The coffee was stone cold but she swallowed it anyway. She looked around nervously for the absent Mulder. 'What in the hell am I going to say, going to do, when he comes back?' she considered in dismay. She was glad it was dark. At least in the dark it wouldn't be so obvious that she'd nearly come during the song.

As she looked around the room, Mulder returned and sat down in the chair next to her again. As she turned to look at him he reached over, grabbed the glass of orange juice, and downed it in one steady gulp. Scully continued to stare at him as he finished and placed the glass down slowly keeping his eyes on his hand.

"Mulder..." Scully began.

Mulder looked at her and she had to peer at him through the half dark to see the nervousness on his face.

"Mulder, I hardly know what to say, I..." she ventured.

"Well, you don't have to say anything, Scully, ok?" he pleaded laying a hand over hers, "I mean, not right now if you don't want to, I'd understand, I... oh shit, do you want to dance?" he asked plaintively obviously trying to salvage the situation.

Waves of love surged through Scully as a thousand emotions played across Mulder's face. He looked so impossibly lonely, and vulnerable, and attractive all at the same time.

"I'd love to dance," Dana answered touching his cheek and then placing her hand in his again, she allowed Mulder to lead her out onto the dance floor.

The band had finished 'Space Oddity' and was now playing an original ballad and the dance floor was full. Mulder squeezed them both through to a spot in the middle and pulling her gently close, moved them both to the music.

Scully placed her head against his chest and she could hear his heart beating like a jack hammer. She pressed herself even closer and taking her hands from his, she carefully brought her arms up around his waist and onto his lower back. He responded by lowering his arms to hold her closer and visibly relaxing as they swayed in time to the music.

Scully was almost crazy with the emotion of the moment. She was struggling for clarity, for something to say, but every phrase, every word she turned over in her mind sounded so idiotic that she didn't dare give voice to them. She tried to still her thoughts by concentrating on the closeness of Mulder's body, his scent, his warmth but that only made matters worse because she was becoming sexually aroused again and that certainly wasn't going to clear her head.

At last, the song ended and Mulder escorted her back to their table. Scully sat down, her knees shaking.

Mulder asked her "Would you like something else to drink, like maybe a diet coke, or something?" he really had such a pathetic look on his face that Scully's heart almost broke.

'That's it,' she told herself, 'I'm taking him home and we're going to settle this thing tonight, one way or the other.' The drive home would give her time to gather her thoughts, and also hopefully some time for both of them to calm down. She turned to Mulder and said, "Mulder, actually, I'd like you to take me home," and then instantly she knew that was the wrong phraseology because Mulder's eyes became suddenly blank, and his whole face closed off to her so fast that she barely had time to blink.

"Oh, God, no Mulder.." she blurted out.

"No, it's fine, Scully, I understand. I'll take you home right now."

"No, please, that's not what I meant, I mean, I just need a little time to think this out. You must have realized I'd need some time, Mulder, please.." she still wasn't making sense and she kicked herself mentally for her inarticulate nervousness.

Mulder was fumbling for his car keys and getting up from the table as if he hadn't heard a word she'd said. She grabbed her shawl and followed after him. As the band played one last song, Mulder slammed his way through the club's double doors and out onto the sidewalk. Scully was running so quickly behind him that when he stopped dead and turned around, she had all she could do not to crash into him. He faced her, struggling for control as his neck tendons stood out and his face flushed red. Scully was terrified that he was going to have another seizure, some horrible flashback fugue courtesy of Dr. C. Goldstein, but instead he gained control and then he spoke, and the words hurt.

"Time, you need more time? Maybe we don't have any more time, Scully! Don't you know what I was trying to tell you in there? For God's sake Scully, please - let me in, Oh, shit..," he begged, backing up and sagging against the fender of his car.

Scully ran to him then and grabbed him by the hands. "Oh, Mulder, I'm so sorry, forgive me," she said speaking quickly, "I never meant to hurt you, I want you to take me home because I want to be with you, I want to talk to you about this, really, come on, let's go, it's all right," she maneuvered him somehow into the passenger's side of the car and taking the keys away from him, she rushed over to the driver's side. She had to adjust the seat as well as the seatbelt, and then tell Mulder to strap himself in, before she turned on the ignition. It was pedal to the metal time as far as she was concerned and speed traps be damned.

-End of Part 4-

TITLE: Heaven's in Here

(Part 5 of 5)

NAME: frogdoggie

E-MAIL: frogdoggie@hotmail.com

CATEGORY: SRA

RATING: NC-17, and I mean it. This story contains GRAPHIC SEXUAL SITUATIONS AND LANGUAGE. So, if you don't like graphic stuff - STOP NOW! Forewarned is forearmed.

DISCLAIMER: The usual. See Part 1.

By the time they reached her apartment Mulder had calmed down considerably and was breathing regularly, but he was completely silent. Scully parked the car and then turned to the silent figure hunched on the other side of the seat.

"Mulder, we're here, ok? Come on, please, snap out of it, you're scaring me," she pushed his arm then out of desperation. "Did the therapist give you any medication? Please tell me I have to know. I'm a doctor for God's sake, I can help."

Mulder's head swiveled over to look at her and the streetlights made his glasses look eerily opaque.

"Scully, tell me, Can I possibly humiliate us any further?" he asked quietly, "I wouldn't let the doctor give me any drugs. Maybe I should have. Maybe I wouldn't be like this if I had."

Scully sighed and replied, "Mulder, let's go inside, I'll make some coffee, all right?"

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Of course, I'm sure," she answered.

Once inside the apartment Scully went to make coffee and instructed Mulder to sit on the couch again. When she came back he was seated there looking at the floor and rubbing his hands against his temples like he had the world's worst headache. His glasses were on the coffee table and Scully moved them to the side as she put the coffee mugs down in front of Mulder. She sat down next to him and said "Here's your coffee. It's hot, so be careful."

Mulder finally gathered himself together and replied, "Thanks, Scully."

They sat next to each other for some time, just sipping the coffee and not speaking. Finally Mulder broke the silence.

"Scully, I imagine you're wondering what the hell is going on here," he began formally.

"Well, the thought had crossed my mind," she answered, with a bit of humor, as she put her coffee cup down.

Mulder smiled ever so slightly at the tone of her voice, and then placing his hands on his knees he began to talk, a far away look in his eyes, that caused Scully to sit very still and not interrupt him.

"Well, you know I had some mandatory therapy," he started, "Damn, of course you knew that. What I mean is - I didn't want the therapy. I wanted the seizures, and I didn't want them to stop. I just needed to know, dammit. But when they did stop, I was so strung out from whatever shit Goldstein had shot into me that I could hardly think straight anyway. So, I saw Stark figuring he couldn't screw up my head anymore than I had all ready, I guess. At any rate, during our second session, I had one last hum-dinger of a seizure, Scully. Stark saw the whole thing. But this one wasn't about Samantha, it was about you and Duane Barry. That incident really opened up a can of worms for Stark."

Scully placed her hand on his, "Oh, Mulder, you're lucky he didn't hospitalize you," she whispered.

"Well, we did have that conversation, Scully. I guess it's lucky I convinced him I was still essentially sane, and the seizures never did reoccur," Mulder replied.

"Anyway, Stark really tried to help, Scully, and I was resisting him every step of the way. So, after a lot of bullshit on my part he sort of tried a more novel approach to my case."

When Scully didn't add anything, Mulder pressed on, wanting to get it all out on the table at last.

"I used to sing with a rock band at Oxford, just some amateur night stuff, you know. I don't think I ever told you about it, but the subject came up one day during one of our sessions and Stark suggested I should try the singing again. He was hot for me to have more *extracurricular interests* as he put it, anyway, and he said the music would help *put me more in touch with my real inner feelings*."

"Well, that's a pretty common thing for him to say, actually, as you should know Mulder."

"Yeah, well, psychologists don't always make the best patients, especially this one," he said taking another sip of coffee. Anyway, after a couple more sessions of lying on his couch, I decided the music idea didn't sound too bad. So, I went over to Langly's and just started doodling around with it. I knew Langly played guitar but I had no idea he had a band."

"So you planned this little surprise tonight with Langly?" she asked.

"No, Langly had no idea you were going to be in the audience. I just told him I had severe stage fright and wanted to see if I could get over it."

"Well, the *Dana* remark sort of let the cat out of the bag, didn't it?" she asked smiling.

He smiled ruefully then and replied, "a little obvious?" and then he continued, "Scully the music, it, it forced me to do a hell of a lot more thinking about things than Stark was ever going to accomplish in his little hourly sessions. I started to realize, I mean - that song tonight, it was like I couldn't hold it back anymore. I had to tell you somehow, and I was still too much of a fool to tell you to your face." "Christ, what a fucking imbecile I am," he sighed as he ran his hand over his mouth. He put his coffee cup down in front of him and turning to her said, "What I'm trying to say is, Scul..Dana, I love you and I had to tell you before... before...," he choked up then and Scully took him into her arms as he began to cry.

"Mulder, oh Fox, it's all right. Don't worry, I know, I know. Oh God, Mulder," She rocked him until the sobs subsided.

He took his head off her breast and sitting up, searched her face for a moment. Scully reached to wipe the tears from his face and he kissed her hand. He was shaking slightly and Scully knew at that instant that if he wanted her, she was his body and soul, and for whatever time she had left. Without any further hesitation she reached up and kissed him on the lips. His entire body seemed to envelope her then as he returned the kiss, and she eagerly opened her mouth to accept his exploring tongue. He tasted faintly of orange juice mixed with coffee and Scully drank in every bit of the flavor. They pulled apart after a moment and Mulder, grinning slightly, held his hand outstretched. It shook. "God, look at me," he chuckled, "I'm shaking like some highschool kid."

Scully laughed and said, "If you think that's bad, put your hand on my knee, it feels like I'm sitting over the San Andraes fault and there's been a 6.9 on the Richter scale."

He smiled and replied, "Oh, that makes me feel a WHOLE lot better," and then he added, "Scully, are you ok with this? I mean..maybe I should leave."

"Leave?" Scully stared at him, "Are you serious?"

"No, I guess not, not really..." Mulder began, "but if I don't go, I think you know where this is leading. I don't want to assume that you want what I want right now," he confessed gently moving her hair out of her eyes.

She knew she was going to sleep with him, there was no question. She wanted that physical consummation of their relationship now, more than anything else. He was the only one she trusted, the only man she would ever love. She didn't want to go to her grave without giving him the last gift that she had in the world to give.

"Mulder, Are you asking me to make love? Because if you are, just say it, all right? I don't know how much longer I can wait," she replied smiling up at him.

"Oh...." he replied his throat working as he searched for what to say next. "Yes," he whispered very quietly. Scully stood up and taking him by the hand led him into her bedroom.

He stood just inside the bedroom doorway, obviously still nervous, as she turned on the smallest of the lamps in the room. It gave off a gentle, soft light and Scully turned towards Mulder and started to take her shoes off. He stood completely still, staring at her and then she decided 'What the hell,' and asked him "Would you like to watch?" He shook his head once, silently. She knew he had seen her half dressed several times but he certainly hadn't seen her strip for him, and she felt extremely desirable and sexy as she took off that little black dress.

Mulder watched as she removed everything and then stood before him completely nude in the soft shadows. His breathing was ragged all ready as he stammered, "YYYou're beautiful." She walked into his arms then and helped him to undress getting a look at what Fox Mulder had to offer. She knew his body, having seen him unclothed in so many unfortunate situations, but this time her knowledge would be gained in a much happier fashion. He was definitely all that she had expected. Lean and muscular, a swimmer's and runner's body, with strong arms and legs, trim waist and nicely muscled chest. His ass was, as Clarice Starling would say, 'to die for'. She hesitated only a second before she let her eyes wander below his waist and she wasn't disappointed by what she saw there either. He was, to use the old expression, very well hung. He was also very erect and Scully smiled to see the effect she had had on her partner.

Mulder noticed her looking and shrugged his shoulders a little with a "What can I say?" expression on his face. Dana smiled and taking him by the hand led him over to the bed.

They sat down next to each other on the edge, and Mulder turned and held her gaze, "I want you so much," he told her, "I've wanted this for a long time, and I just never had the guts to tell you, please forgive me."

Scully reached up and touched his lips with her finger to silence him. "Listen. Don't denigrate yourself, I haven't been blameless in the self-denial department either, you know. Let's just say we'll forgive each other, and leave it at that," she replied.

Mulder took her face between his hands and kissed her deeply. She fell back onto the pillows pulling him down next to her as she returned the kiss. His touch was incredibly gentle as he moved from kissing her mouth to her breasts and beyond. He touched her as if he instinctively knew all the places that pleasured her. She wasn't as certain what pleased him, but she wasn't afraid to ask him either, and he wasn't afraid to tell her at all.

Time blurred as his hands lazily stroked her stomach and then worked their way down her thighs. His lips followed, and Scully moaned as he began to work between her legs. She touched his hair and moved against his mouth. "Oh, God, that feels so good," she said as he switched to using his hands. She was so wet, and ready, and as he slid a finger inside her she gasped. Closing her eyes she savored every sensation as he stroked her within and without. He moved to lay next to her then, to watch her face, and press against her as he gave her this first pleasure. She came, and it was a long, slow orgasm, the kind that melts you and feels like warm soft silk. Mulder withdrew his hands from her and took her into his arms as she trembled through the final spasms.

She kissed him again, long and hard and began to touch him in return enjoying the exploration more then she could have ever hoped. He lay back and let her explore, his subtle movements telling her what felt good.

"Do you like this?" she asked teasing his nipples. She knew that on some men the nipples were actually very sensitive. "Oh, yeah," Mulder whispered closing his eyes. I can feel that all the way down..."

"To your toes?" Scully asked, a knowing half smile on her lips.

Mulder only returned her smile in answer. Scully moved lower and took his erection into her hands. 'He really has a wonderful cock' she thought stroking him from the base to the tip. He was circumcised and Scully concentrated for a moment on running her finger around the tip of his penis in an erotic circular movement. Mulder moaned. "Oh....," he whispered as she replaced her finger with her mouth. He really responded then, moving his hips in time to what her mouth and lips were doing to him. She released him and as she did he took her hand, "Scully, Dana, listen, I, I don't want to come yet. If it's ok, I'd like to, I mean I'd like it...

She understood and gently said "Inside?"

"God, yes," he replied touching her face. She smiled gently into his eyes then and scooted back up next to him. "I'd love to have you inside me," she whispered into his ear, fondling his penis to add emphasis to her words. He propped himself up on an elbow and then gently stroked her cheek. A strange, almost sad look passed fleetingly over his face as he glanced at her hand cupping his genitals. "Scully, I.." Mulder began.

'Oh, Lord, he must be embarrassed to ask about a condom because he knows I'm dying,' flashed through Scully's mind. Her insides melted for him as she placed a finger to his lips once again and said, "Mulder, it's ok, it doesn't make any difference. And besides I'd like to feel you just the way you are."

There was a moment of confusion on his face as if he was in doubt over what to say, but it was gone quickly. "All right. But, I don't want to hurt you," he said quietly, "So, please tell me if I hurt you, ok?"

"I'm just fine, don't worry," she breathed into his ear. She let him lower her onto her back, and as he moved over her he rested his weight on his elbows. Scully spread her legs and as he pressed his hips between them she helped guide him. His touch was gentle, almost tentative, and he watched her face carefully for any signs of pain, or regret. But there was only love, and need, and desire there, and at last he was inside her.

She took him into her arms then and his head lay on her shoulder. She could feel the length of him filling her, large and hard, but so satisfying. He breathed against her and told her he loved her again, and how wonderful she smelled, and looked and felt and how he would love her forever. She rubbed his back and whispered, "I love you," as he began to move against her. His thrusts were long and wonderfully slow and luxurious at first. He fit against her perfectly so that the mound of his pubic bone began to stimulate outside as his cock slid into her. "Oh, that's so right," she cried "you're so good," she groaned as she lifted her hips higher to meet his thrusts. Her legs wrapped around his ass as he began to pick up speed and Scully began to lose all control with the rhythm and she welcomed it. She groaned and her nails raked his back "Oh harder, oh....please," she called out as he pumped into her.

Mulder was making incoherent sounds and straining to stay with her as she thrashed under him. She felt herself on the brink of coming and she yelled "Don't stop, please, Mulder don't stop". He pounded into and against her, holding back, in order to bring her to one final overwhelming orgasm. Scully let out a primal scream of lust and then jerked under Mulder's body, pumping and rotating her hips as she rode a rolling tide of ecstasy. She suddenly gripped his ass and urged him on wanting him to feel the exquisite rapture she was feeling. "You can let go, Mulder, oh, God, please, let it happen," she urged as he drove into her. And finally, he did come, calling her name, and as she felt him ejaculating into her, filling her, she began to cry tears of love. He thrust once or twice more, weakly and then collapsed against her, and she took his full weight into her embrace.

Mulder was trembling and both of them were bathed in sweat. She rubbed his back and murmured words of love to him and his trembling slowed, and finally stopped. He was still inside her, cradled between her raised knees, connected to her and she sensed he didn't want to break that connection, so she held him and ran her fingers through his damp hair.

Then, a sudden horrid thought crept into her mind and she ran her tongue around her mouth and used it to briefly touch her upper lip. 'Thank God,' she thought, 'No blood!' She couldn't have imagined what Mulder would have done if he's looked into her face and seen blood streaming from her nose.

Mulder finally withdrew from between her thighs and she lay flat as he rolled off her. He lay back on the pillows and she immediately cuddled close to him, her head on his chest and one arm raised protectively, and possessively across his stomach.

She could hear his heart again, and it was beating hard from his efforts but his breathing was becoming relaxed and regular.

"Fox..." Scully began.

"Scully, I really like it when you call me Mulder," his voice was quiet and slightly muffled. "Fox is something my parent's, uh, my mother calls me.." "Mulder is something I like to be called and besides, I really like the way my name sounds when you say it." She could hear his words echoing in his chest.

"Mulder..."she continued without missing a beat.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I hope you realize that was incredible," she whispered, her breathy words blowing against his chest hair.

"We aim to please," he answered her. She could hear the grin in his voice. His self confidence seemed to be coming back and Scully thrilled to hear the humor in his voice again.

"Well, this is one satisfied customer." Scully replied.

"Two," he added rubbing her shoulder. She finally looked up into his face and saw a look of utter peace in Fox Mulder's eyes. In this moment, in her arms, his demons were at least temporarily, at bay. She knew that whatever happened from this day on they would be stronger and more powerful together then they had ever been apart. She could face her own destiny, and even though still afraid, at least bolstered by this man's love.

Mulder yawned suddenly. A look of chagrin crossed his face and he quickly said. "Whoa, sorry."

"God you must be exhausted," Scully laughed rubbing his stomach.

"Well, now that you mention it..." he smiled.

She laughed again and reaching back pulled the bedspread up over her shoulders and around them both. "Get some sleep, Mulder, you're going to need it in the morning."

Mulder grinned and replied, "Is that a warning or just good advice?"

"I'd take it as both," she replied, her voice low and seductive implying interesting things to come.

"Hey, who am I to argue with the Doctor," he finished reaching over to turn off the bed side lamp.

THE END OF THE WHOLE STORY