It was a beautiful day for a wedding as a woman with a long white gown exited the church with her new Husband by her side. As they newly wed couple was leaving the bride turned to throw her bouquet
and some of the younger women fought over it until a victor was declared. Watching from the other side of the street Michael and Ben watched the scene unfold as they enjoyed their lunch at the local café.
Michael: How long do you think that marriage will last?
Ben: That is a very pessimistic view.
Michael: No, just a realistic one. We at least dated for a year before you moved in and we were practically living with each other at that point anyways.
Ben: True. What the hell is going on over there now?
Michael: Looks like the girl who caught the bouquet is using it to hit the guy she was with. The minister doesn't look too happy with him either.
Ben: If you want to get home tonight we should be heading out.
Michael: Sounds good to me. Narrator: I would like - if I may - to take you on a strange journey.
It seemed a farily ordinary night When Brad Majors, and his fiance Janet Weiss... (two young ordinary healthy kids)... left Denton that late November evening to visit a Dr. Evrett Scott ex tutor and now friend to both of them...
Stu: Um... Sir. Actually Brad and Janet are not engaged. Narrator: What?
Stu: Well Janet apparently wants a career not a husband. Brad actually said damn it Janet and she proceeded to try and shove her flowers down his filthy mouth. Brad then began scrawling messages on the church door that he loved Janet and the minister got angry and knocked him out with his Bible. As we speak Brad is in the hospital and Janet is on her way to a career expo.
Narrator: Well isn't that just wonderful. Why did you not tell me this earlier hmm. I am sitting here in front of an audience with no story you idiot. What would you suggest we do about that?
Stu: I could show them my latest sock puppet it is really cool.
Narrator: That simply will not do.
Stu: There is another couple on their way there whom may have car problems.
Narrator: why didn't you tell me that in the first place? You are the worst assistant that anyone could ever have you know that. If Janet and Brad are not on this eventful journey who is?
Stu: There is a Michael Novotny who owns his own comic book store and his partner Ben Bruckner who teaches gay studies at Carnegie Mellon.
Narrator: Thank you now get out of here you are wrecking my story. Now where was I, oh I remember. It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy - black and pendulous - toward which they were driving, it's true also that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air
Stu : Sir?
Narrator: Didn't I tell you to leave.
Stu: But sir their tire didn't blowout the transmission died.
Narrator: Oh whatever let's just get on with the story already.
The storm was a fierce one with black clouds and the rain hitting their windshield in sheets making it hard to see more than a few yards. Ben was driving when the car started to make funny noises. Even with his foot on the gas the car began to slow down until it came to a stop in the middle of the road. He turned the car off and reached over to wake Michael.
Ben: Michael, Rise and shine.
Michael: What is it?
Ben: The car just died. Will you help me push it to the side of the road, and then we need to find a phone.
Michael: Where are we going to find a phone all the way out here?
Ben: We passed by a large castle just a few miles back.
Michael: All right sounds good to me.
The two men managed to push the car out of the way and pulled their coats around themselves tightly before walking to where Ben had seen the castle.
Michael: In the velvet darkness of the blackest night burning bright - there's a guiding star no matter what or who you are.
Ben: Where the hell is that from?
Michael: I don't know it was just something I suddenly remembered.
Ben: Sounds like something out of a movie that for some reason instantly becomes a cult classic. Hey, look over there. I told you I passed by a castle and it looks like someone is home. I just hope the storm hasn't knocked out the phone lines.
Ben and Michael began to run across the field towards the building. Through the window they can see someone in the front hall pacing back and forth.
Riff Raff: (from doorway)
The darkness must flow
Down the river of nights dreaming
Flow morphia slow let the sun and light
Come streaming into my life
Ben: You don't think they are expecting anyone do you?
Michael: I don't know but we can't stay out here. You have already started shivering.
Ben reached for the doorbell and let it ring once hoping someone would answer. The door slowly creaks open and they were greeted by a short man who had a slight hump on his back. He looked past the couple until Ben waved his hand in front of the man's line of vision.
Riff Raff: Hello.
Ben: Hello we were wondering if we could use your phone. Our car died a few miles back and the battery to my cell phone is no longer charged.
Riff Raff: (pause) You're wet.
Michael: That tends to happen when you are out in the rain..
Ben shot Michael a look of warning. They were stranded and the last thing they wanted to do was annoy someone who could help them.
Riff Raff: Yes - (lightning) I think you better both come inside.
Michael: Thanks
Narrator: And so - after braving the inclement weather, and some not too little time - it seemed that fortune had smiled on Ben and Michael and that they had found the assis- tance that their plight required - or had they ? - There was certainly something about this house (to which, a dead tranmission and a wet night had brought them) that made the both of them feel apprehensive and uneasy - But, if they were to reach their destination that night, they would have to ignore such feelings and take advantage of whatever help was offered.
Stu: They didn't sound apprensive to me.
Narrator: If you keep interrupting and correcting me I will make sure you never hear anything ever again.
Stu: You know you are one of those typical A personalities. That will come to no good you know. You should learn to... all right I will shut up already.
The Interior of the castle was dimly liut and the stone walls were barely visible. There was a series of doors leading out of the entrance that were all oak like the front door and flanking the doors were torches.
Riff Raff: Wait here.
Michael: Whoever lives here isn't into interior decorating. Could you imagine what would happen if Emmett was ever let loose in a place like this.
Ben: Isn't it bad enough that we live in the colorful apartment he designed.
Michael: That was based on both of our decisions for your information.
Ben: Oh! You look cold why don't you take that wet coat and stand by this grille. I think it is warmer here.
Michael: I can think of better ways to warm up.
Ben: Later. Here dry my coat too.
Michael: You know I am going to make sure you come through with that promise.
Suddenly a figure appeared looking down at the two lovers. Instead of announcing himself he stepped out of the shadows enjoying the look of shock that crossed Ben face at his presence.
Ben Whispered: Speaking of Emmett look behind you baby.
Michael: Hello. We just came to use your phone. A man let us in but had to go somewhere for a minute.
Michael's cheeks began to turn red at the realization of what the stranger had probably overhead. He was a tall man but dressed in women's clothing. It appeared to be a light powder blue business suit ensemble and a classic string of pearls around his neck. The make up on his eyes was a little overdone but not that unusual from most of the drag queens Ben and Michael knew on Liberty Ave. Out of one of the doors the first man Michael and Ben had met returned followed by a gorgeous blond and another woman that looked a lot like him.
Riff Raff, Columbia
Magenta: Master.
Frank: How do you do
I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman
Don't get strung out by the way that I look
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man
By the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover
I'm just a sweet Transvestite
From Transexual
Transalvania.
Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovie
Or if you want something visual that's not too
abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.
Ben: Well thank you for the offer but we wouldn't want to inconvience you. We were just trying to get back home when our car died. As my partner metioned we were just hoping to use your phone.
Frank: You got caught with a flat
Well how about that
Well babie's don't you panic
By the light of the night
It'll all seem alright
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
Michael: Actually it was the transmission.
Frank: I'M JUST A
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSEXUAL
TRANSALVANIA
Why don'tcha stay for the night
Or maybe a bite
I could show you my favourite obsession
I've been making a man
With blond hair and a tan
and he's good for relieving my tension.
I'M JUST A
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSEXUAL
TRANSALVANIA
I'M JUST A
SWEET TRANSVESTITE
FROM TRANSEXUAL
TRANSALVANIA
So come up to the lab
and see what's on the slab
I see you shiver with anticipation
But maybe the rain
Is really to blame
So I'll remove the cause but not the symptom
Frank returned to the shadows as the servants stepped closer to
Michael and Ben. They began to try and remove their clothes when both of the men placed themselves out of reach.
Ben: What are you doing?
Riff Raff: We need to remove your wet clothes. Frank will probably have something up there for you.
Michael: Do we have to take off everything?
Ben: Don't worry. I'll keep my eyes on you.
Michael: I bet you will.
Michael and Ben began stripping their own clothes and passed them over to the servants leaving them in their underwear. Ben had to stifle a laugh as he realized Michael was wearing his lucky Captain Astro underwear. Michael noticed and stuck his tongue out at him and ran his hand along Ben's back nowing the affect it would have.
Ben whispered: Just for that when we get home I am going to ravish you all night long.
Michael: First we have to get home.
Ben: By the way my name is Ben Bruckner and this is my partner Michael Novotny, and You are...
Columbia: You're very lucky to be invited up to Frank's laboratory, a lot of people would give their right arm for the privilege.
Ben: Have you had the privilege?
Columbia: I've seen it.
Michael: You seem very proud of your husband.
Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I think ever will be - we are simply his servants.
Michael: Then he's very lucky.
Magenta: Yeah - you're lucky - I'm lucky - he's lucky we're all lucky...
Columbia: All except Eddie. Riff Raff &
Magenta: SSHHH!!!
Ben: Eddie?
Magenta: The delivery boy.
Riff Raff: SSHHH!!!
Columbia: His delivery wasn't good enough.
Riff Raff: The master only wanted to help the boy better his position.
Ben: That's very commendable...
Riff Raff: Yes, it seems like only yesterday since he went...
Michael: to a better place of employment?
Riff Raff: To pieces.
(Magenta, Columbia and Riff Raff sing)
Riff Raff: It's astounding - Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely - not for very much longer
I've got to keep control.
I remember doing the time warp
Drinking those moments when
The Blackness would hit me - The void would be
calling
Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again
Let's do the Time Warp again
Narrator: It's just a jump to the left
Chorus: And then a step to the right
Narrator: With your hands on your hips
Chorus: You bring your knees in tight
Trio: But it's the pelvic thrust That starts to drive you insane
Chorus: Let's do the time warp again Let's do the Time Warp again
Magenta: It's so dreamy - oh Fantasy Free Me
So you can't see me - no not at all
In another dimension - with voyeuristic intention
Well secluded - I'll see all
With a bit of a mind flip - you're there in the
time slip
Nothing can ever be the same
You're spaced out on sensation
Like you're under sedation
Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the Time Warp again
Magenta and Riff Raff gave each other a strange signal with their hands and then broke off from the group and walked through a door.
Columbia: Well I was walking down the street
Just having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
Well it shook me up, it took me by surprise
He had a pick up truck and the devil's eyes
Oh - he stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing - never would again
Chorus: Let's do the time warp again
Let's do the Time Warp again
As a strange chorus of voices was heard that seemed to be coming from all of the stonewalls the beautiful blond named Columbia started dancing to the music. Ben and Michael just backed up until they felt their backs up against one of the cold stonewall.
Michael: Emmett would definitely have fun here but I can't wait to get home.
Ben: That makes two of us.
Ben and Michael were escorted onto an elevator where Frank had retreated. It was one of the older kinds that had a gear pull off to one side and the elevator slowly creaked into action. When they reached their destination the doors opened up into a laboratory. The walls were still made of stone and yet this room looked well used. Up against three of the four walls were tables covered with beakers and tubes with all sorts of colorful liquids. On one wall was a whiteboard with strange writings depicting some sort of formula. What took up the last wall was a large tank that had a pink opaque liquid. Beside it was a staircase leading up to the top edge along with guard rails around the perimeter. On top of the plank stood Frank displaying his pride and joy.
Frank: Unlock a mind - unmind a lock - it's the same as the beginning of the end - do you follow?
Michael: No.
Ben: It's an anagram, Michael.
Frank: I wonder may I offer you something refreshing.
Ben and Michael: No Thank you.
Frank: No. You're right I won't - how delightful to have fresh faces around. Magenta - Columbia - go and assist Riff Raff - I will entertain - Ahh.
Ben: Ben Bruckner.
Frank: Ben Bruckner
Ben: And this is my partner Michael Novotny.
Frank: Enchante '. How nice - and what charming underclothes you both have - but here, put these on. Oh but here. Thank you thing.
Ben and Michael accepted the white robes and put them on and tied the sash around their waists. It was not quite what they were hoping for and was a poor substitute for the clothes they had taken off but beggars couldn't be choosers.
Frank: It'll make you feel less vulnerable. We don't often receive visitors here, let alone show them hospitality...
Ben: Well we appreciate it but you don't have to put yourself out. If the phones are still working we could call for a tow truck and Cab and be on our way. There is no need for you to go to any trouble.
Michael: Maybe we could just leave since this seems to be an important night to you.
Ben: No. We need to get a tow and cab or else who knows how long we will be stuck here.
Frank: How forceful you are, Ben, what a perfect example of manhood - so dominant - you must be very proud, Michael.
Michael: Dominant isn't quite the word I would use to describe him..
Frank: Tell me Ben, do you have any tattoos?
Ben: None that you need to know about.
Frank: Oh well... Michael how about you?
Michael was getting very tempted to tell the lord of the manor off when his servant Riff Raff returned and distracted his master.
Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness master, we merely wait for you to give the word.
Frank: Tonight, Ben and Michael, Paradise is to be mine...
Michael: That's nice.
Frank: It was strange the way it happened
one of those quirks of fate really
one of those moments when...
Everything looks black the chips are down
Your back is against the wall
You panic - you're trapped - there's no
way out and even if there was it would
probably be a one way ticket
to the bottom of the bay. And then
suddenly you get a break - all the pieces
seem to fit into place - what a sucker
you'd been - what a fool - the answer
was there all the time - it took a small
accident to make it happen.
Michael and Ben along with the rest in the room couldn't help but stare at Frank as he went on about his discovery. For all of his rudeness he seemed to make up for it with a certain dramatic flair, which reminded Michael of Brian.
Frank: An accident, Oh God, that's how I discovered the secret - that elusive ingredient - that spark that is the breath of life. Yes - I have that knowledge I hold the key to life itself you see Ben and Michael you are fortunate for tonight is the time my beautiful creature is destined to be born... Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator and then step the reactor power input up three more points...
Michael Whispers: This guy is nuts!
Ben: Maybe we should just leave. I really don't think I want to know what the hell is in that tank.
Lights started coming from the liquid and it began to change colors. The lights in the castle flickered for a moment then all went quiet. A large figure rose above the water and climbed out onto the plank. He was a large muscular man with short blond hair as he began to slowly take in his surroundings. Ben and Michael held each others hand awaiting for something to happen.
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
And I've got the feeling someone's
Going to be cutting the thread
Oh woe is me - my life is a misery
Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
of a pretty big downer
I woke up this morning with a start when
I fell out of the bed.
Chorus: That ain't no crime.
Rocky: And left from my dreaming was a feeling
of unamiable dread.
Chorus: That ain't no crime.
My high is low - I'm dressed up with no place
to go and all I know is I'm at the
start of a pretty big downer.
Rocky: (That ain't no crime)
Oh no no no no
Chorus: (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)
Rocky: (That ain't no crime)
Oh no no no no
Chorus: (Sha la la la that ain't no crime)
(That ain't no crime)
Narrator: Rocky Horror you need peace of mind - and I want
to tell you that you're doing just fine
You're the product of another time and
feeling down well that's no crime.
Chorus: That ain't no crime.
Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
Chorus: That ain't no crime.
Rocky: And I've got the feeling someone's going
be cutting the thread.
Chorus: That ain't no crime.
Rocky: Oh woe is me - my life is a mystery
Oh can't you see that I'm at the start
of a pretty big downer.
(That ain't no crime)
Oh no no no no
(Sha la la la that ain't no crime)
Frank: Well really - that's no way to behave on your first day out.
Rocky: Well nobody's perfect - But I do think you made a pretty good job of the body work.
Frank: You are the result of many hours of toil - and now my beautiful creature you're ready for the ultimate test.
Rocky: Oh dear.
Frank: But first meet the family, Magenta, Rocky.
Magenta: Hello Rocky.
Rocky: Hello Magenta.
Frank: Riff Raff - Rocky.
Riff Raff: Hello Rocky.
Rocky: Hello Riff Raff.
Frank: Columbia - Rocky.
Columbia: Hello Rocky.
Rocky: Hello Columbia.
Frank: Hello. Well, Ben and Michael, what do you think?
Michael: I've seen better.
Frank: I didn't make him for you dear.
He carries the Charles Atlas seal of
approval -
A weakling weighing 98 pounds
Got sand in his face when kicked to the
ground
His girl split on him
And soon in the gym
The sweat from his pores
As he worked for his cause
Made him glisten and gleam
And with massage and steam
He was thin but quite clean
He was in good shape
Chorus: But the wrong shape
Frank: He ate nutritious High-Protein
And swallowed raw eggs
Tried to build up his shoulders,
His chest, arms and legs
Then a magazine advert with a new muscle plan
(said)
Chorus: In just seven days I can make you a man.
Frank: He'd done press ups and chin ups
Clean and jerked. Done the Snatch
Thought dynamic tension must be a catch
So he re-read the advert to see how it ran
Chorus: In just seven days I can make you a man.
Frank moved away to his creation to a dark corner of the laboratory where a light suddenly appeared. Behind him Frank exposed a large container 7' high, 4.5' wide resembling a 1940's fridge with the "Eddie" air-brushed on the door. He slowly creaked open the refrigerator and a large man wearing all leather was trapped inside.
Columbia: Eddie.
Eddie: Whatever happened to Saturday night
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life and I thought I was divine
I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go
And listen to the music on the radio
A saxophone was blowing on a Rock and Roll Show
And you climbed in the back and you really had
A good time
Chorus: Hot Patootie bless my soul
I really love that Rock and Roll (four times)
Eddie: My head used to swim from the perfume I smelt
My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when
I'd melt
And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was
mine
Get back in front and put some hair oil on
Buddy Holly was singing his very last song
With your arm round your girl you'd try to
sing along
You felt pretty good cause you'd really had
A good time.
Chorus: Hot Patootie bless my soul
I really love that Rock and Roll.
And with that the man known as Eddie returned to his box and Michael and Ben just stood there not sure of what they should do or say.
Frank: One from the vaults.
Rocky: How can you keep him around. He's so ugly.
Frank: A certain naive charm
But no muscle
We had a mental relationship -
But a deltoid and a bicep
A hot groin and a tricep
Makes me shake
Makes me want to take
Charles Atlas by the hand.
Chorus: In just seven days I can make you a man.
Frank: I don't want no dissension
Just dynamic tension
Michael: Oh look it is Brian's long lost twin er... brother?
Chorus: In just seven days I can make you a man.
Frank: Dig it if you can.
Chorus: In just seven days I can make you a man.
Narrator: There are those who say that life is an illusion - And reality as we know it, is merely a figment of our imaginations. If this is so, Ben and Michael are quite safe. But - there are some who have a far more physical philosophy - those who would stop at nothing to satisfy their base desires - It could be that Ben and Michael are among those who hold the devil's reins.
"Michael's room"
Michael: Ben... please.
Ben: Patience baby.
Michael: Don't stop.
Just as Michael and Ben had finally found a moment alone in one of the two bedroom's Frank offered them the light had gone on.
Michael: You!
Frank: I'm afraid so Michael but wouldn't it be nice...
Michael: What about Ben? What are you going to do about my partner.
Frank: Mmm - nothing - why, do you think I should?
Michael: No I would prefer that you leave Ben and I alone.
Frank: I know - but it wouldn't be all bad would it? Not really even half bad - in fact, I think perhaps you would find it quite - pleasurable - Mmm - so soft so - sensual.
Ben: Well actually we are both quite tired now. I hope you don't mind but Michael and I rarely sleep apart.
Frank: Well I'm sure you're not spent yet and it would be an enjoyable experience would it not? You do like it don't you. There's no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure - is there? We could try for an action replay
Michael: I think this bed was only meant for two.
Michael and Ben let out a sigh of relief as Frank finally took the hint and left the room.
Ben: Who does he think he is, God's gift to anyone with some sexual drive?
Michael: It was awkward but now that he is gone maybe we could...
Ben: Mmmm.
Riff Raff: (on intercom) Master - The laboratory is empty. Rocky has vanished - the new playmate is loose and somewhere in the building.
Frank: Oh Shit - Coming.
Ben had fallen asleep after Michael had had his way with him. He still felt full of energy but did not want to wake Ben up. He was taking a chance and hoped Frank would not return but decided a stroll might take some of the edge off of the evening's event. He soon found himself following hallways that led to the laboratory.
Michael: hello Is anyone in here. I kind of got lost with all the doors looking alike and I was wondering if someone could help me out. If only I had paid more attention to where I was going. Then again if we had gotten the car checked in town or taken a bus home we wouldn't even be here.
Narrator: "If" and "only" - two small words - words that kept repeating themselves again and again in Michael's thoughts - but it was too late to go back now - it was as if he were riding a giant tidal wave, it would be folly to fight against it - his only chance would be to ride it out - adapt - and perhaps also - survive.
Rocky: Oh! It's you - look I'm trying to hide from my creator and his minion - they scare me - I feel that all is not well here. I have been thinking a lot about Eddie - I have a feeling of foreboding.
Michael: This is an unusual place.
Rocky: Is it true you don't like men with too many muscles?
Michael: Where the hell did you hear that?
Rocky: Have you got any lip gloss?
Michael: No I don't have any lip gloss. To be honest right now I am creeped out by your creator. It is bad enough that my mother has a tendency to walk at the most inappropriate times but to actually offer to have sex with someone when they are clearly not interested is damn unsettling.
Rocky: This room is a womb to me.
Michael: I will take your word for it. Frankly I can think of a lot of cozier settings that one could call home.
Narrator: Michael feelings ran wild as he frantically manipulated the selector switch on the T.V. monitor - The screen threw up images of empty rooms and corridors - finally he stopped - at their bedroom. And found Frank leaning over and kissing his sleeping lover. Aaahhh!!
Rocky: Oh you can't rely on anyone.
Michael: If Frank knows what is good for him when I find Ben he will be long gone.
Riff Raff: Aaaggghhh - Mercy!
Frank: (with whip) How did it happen - I understood you were to be watching.
Riff Raff: I was only away for a moment.
Frank: See if you can find him on the monitor.
Riff Raff started turning the dial on the monitor trying to locate Rocky for his mater. At one point he flipped the channel on their guests room and watched as the scene unfolded. Michael was standing and talking to Ben as ben turned slightly red and pulled the duvet up to cover himself as he shook his head. Ben reached out for Michael who climbed in beside him and they held on to each other.
Frank: Oh Benji.
Riff Raff: I've located him in what was to be Ben's quarters, Master.
Frank: Rocky!! How maudlin - how pathetic - Your baggage has dared to defile my beautiful creature - oh Rocky how could you.
Riff Raff: We don't know if anything happened. Michael could have been anywhere doing anything while you visited their room.
Riff Raff: Master it look as if our visitors are leaving.
Frank: Ah they are in the Zen room. Seal off all exits - and all doors - except for those that lead here - Riff Raff - bring Rocky, Ben and Michael here - I think we should make this a social occasion. The three shall entertain us with a floor show - which I shall direct.
Columbia: Hi - Ho - Silver.
Ben: Look we appreciate your hospitality but we would like to get back home now. If Columbia would just guide us out since she so kindly brought us here.
Frank: Don't play games, Benji - unfortunately for you all there is to be a change of plans - I'm sure you're adaptable - I know Benji is.
Ben: What exactly are you implying?
Ben had placed himself between Michgael and Frank and was prepared to do what ever was necessary to get the hell out. Just as he considered the possibility of tring to hit Frank and his two henchmen a door at the other end of the room opened and in stepped Rocky.
Frank: Rocky!
Rocky: Piss off.
Frank: Listen - I made you and I can break you just as easily - I'll pull your plug out
Michael: I suppose you intend to do with us as you did with Eddie.
Columbia: Eddie!
Magenta & Riff Raff: Sshhh.
Ben: Why would you do that to Eddie anyways?
Frank: What do you know of Eddie?
Ben: I know his so-called deliveries didn't please you and now you keep him in that box. You have no right to do that to another human being!
Michael: You are assuming Frank is human which seems like a stretch of the imagination to me.
Columbia: From the day he was born, he was trouble
He was the thorn in his mother's side.
She tried in vain,
Narrator: But he never caused her nothing but pain.
Columbia: He left home the day she died.
From the day she was gone
All he wanted
Was a rockin' roll porn and a motor bike.
Shootin' up junk,
Narrator:: He was a low down cheap little punk.
Columbia: Taking everyone for a ride.
Chorus: When Eddie said he didn't like his teddy,
You knew he was a no good kid.
When he threatened your life with a switch blade knife,
Frank: What a guy.
Magenta: Made you cry.
Columbia: And I did.
Nell: Everybody shoved him.
I very nearly loved him.
I say hey listen to me
Stay sane inside insanity.
But he shut the door and threw away the key.
Columbia: But he must have been drawn in to something.
Making him warn me in a note which read
Chorus: What's it say, What's it say.
Columbia: I'm out of my head.
Narrator: Hurry or I may be dead.
Frank: What a guy,
Magenta: Made you cry,
Columbia: And I did.
Frank: Say a prayer for Eddie, I just defrosted him. (He pulls out a bag of blood and gore) His destiny is in the bag.
Magenta: I'll put him down the waste disposal.
Frank: Clever girl.
Ben: Why you...
Frank: (Flicks a switch) There, that should restrain you all.
Michael: My feet - there's something wrong with my feet.
Ben: We are stuck to the fucking floor.
Frankl: You are, so quake with fear you tiny fools - O.K. it's start time - Riff Raff set the sonic transducer on programme 8 secure all levels at zero -
Magenta: Relax.
Ben: What is that.
Riff Raff: It is an audio vibratory physiomolecular transport device!
Frank: You'd better believe it, baby.
Michael: And what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Riff Raff: it is a device that is capable of breaking down solid matter and then projecting it through space and who knows, perhaps even time itself.
Michael: You're going to send us to another planet?
Frank: Planet - Shmanet Mickey
Tell you once
Won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up Mikey
Y'apple pie
Don't taste too nice
You'd better wise up Mikey
Y' got a block
Take my advice
You'd better wise up Mikey
The transducer
Will seduce yah
It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind-fuck can be nice
You'd better wise up - Mikey
You'd better wise up
Build your thighs up
You'd better wise up
Narrator:: And it looked very bad for our ill fated couple.
Michael: Stop!!
Frank: Don't get hot and flustered. Use a bit of mustard.
Chorus: You're a hot dog, but you'd better not try to hurt him, Frank Furter
Frank gave Magenta a signal to release Michael first and Ben a little later. When Michael had become free he ran to be by Ben's side only to be sprayed by Riff Raff. Ben was forced to watch helpless as his lover hit the ground unconscious and then was dragged away by Riff Raff to what Frank called transducer. When Michael was placed inside Ben was then freed only to receive the same treatment. Magenta danced around the room singing to herself anxious to get on with whatever Frank had planned.
Frank: Magenta, relax.
Magenta stopped for a moment and then felt the affects of the drugs after Riff Raff sprayed her.
Columbia - The artistes are in a molecular state somewhere between entrance and exit. (Riff Raff sprays her) When they've pulled themselves together - see that they are prepared for the floorshow.
Columbia: Oh Wow - I can dig it - much - far out - what a gas - that's groovy - I'm hip, man - it's like a trip - oh nice one - freak out baby - dig you later.
FRANK: It's not easy having a good time - even smilingmakes my face ache - and my children turn on me - Rocky's behaving just as Eddie did - maybe I made a mistake in splitting his brain between the two of them.
Magenta: When do we return to Transalvania? I grow weary of this world.
Frank: Magenta I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Riff Raff - you have both served me well - loyalty such as yours must be rewarded, and you will discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous.
Magenta: I ask for nothing, Master.
Frank: And you shall receive it in abundance - come - our guests will be growing restless. (exits)
With that last comment Frank decided to leave the room. Behind his back Magenta and Riff Raff made a strange symbol with their hands sharing their very own secret plan.
Narrator:: What is to become of Michael and Ben. They were now at the mercy of Frank - their host was a man of little morals and some persuasion -
What further indignities were they to be subjected to... ? - And what of the sonic transducer and the floorshow that had been spoken of? - What indeed? - From what had gone before it was clear that this was to be no picnic.
Franks stage was filled up with some of his guests all dressed in black stockings and suspenders with Black underwear to form a slow motion chorus line. As the line finally left the stage the back stage was lit to show Columbia, Rocky, Michael and Ben frozen in place. One by one each was released and performed their part starting with a duet.
Columbia: It was great
When it all began
I was a regular Franky Fan
But it was over when he had the plan
To start working on a muscle-man
Now the only thing that gives me hope
Is my love of a certain dope
Rose tints my world keeps me
Safe from my trouble and pain.
Rocky: I'm just seven hours old
Truly beautiful to behold
And somebody should be told
My libido hasn't been controlled
Now the only thing I've come to trust
Is an orgasmic rush of lust
Rose tints my world keeps me
Safe from my trouble and pain.
Frank: What ever happened to Fay Wray
That delicate satin draped frame
As it clung to her thigh
How I started to cry
For I wanted to be dressed just the same.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever -
Can't you just see it.
Don't dream it - Be it
Don't dream it - Be it
Don't dream it - Be it
Michael and Ben were finally released only to find that Ben is unable to speak and Michael can't see. Ben moved towards his partner only to scare him by touching him. Ben raised one of Michael hands to feel his face and sees the hint of recognition cross Michael's features. Just as Ben is about to try and make their escape Frank came between the couple and pushed Michael into the water. Ben pushed Frank back before jumping in to try and find Michael in the smoke and water.
FRANK: (screaming) MY MY MY MY
I'm a wild and an untamed thing
I'm a bee with a deadly sting
Get a hit, and your mind goes ping
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
So let the party and the sounds rock on
Gonna shake it till the life has gone
Rose tint my world
Keep me safe from my trouble and pain.
Riff Raff and Magenta entered the room that had turned into bedlam. They were both dressed in black army uniforms with a strange gold insignia covering their chests. All of the merriment stopped as they watched to see what was to happen next. Ben managed to surface from the water with Michael tightly gripped in his arms shocked at the silence.
Riff Raff: Frank n Furter
It's all over
Your mission is a failure
Your life style's too extreme
I'm your new commander
You now are my prisoner
We return to Transalvania
Prepare the transit beam.
Frank: Wait - I can explain
On the day I went away goodbye
Was all I had to say now I
Want to come again and stay. Oh my
Smile and that will mean I may
I've seen blue skies
Throught the tears in my eyes
And I realise I'm going home
Everywhere it's been the same feeling
Like I'm outside in the rain
wheeling free to try and find a game
Dealing cards for sorrow cards for pain
I've seen blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realise - I'm going home
I'm going home
I'm going home
Magenta: How sentimental.
Riff Raff: And also presumptious of you - you see when I said `we' were to return I referred only to Magenta and myself - I'm sorry however if you found my words misleading - you see you are to remain here - in spirit anyway -
Riff Raff produced a ray gun from his side and tool aim right where Frank's heart should have been.
Riff Raff: Yes Frank be afraid. This laser is capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter.
Columbia: You mean you're going to kill him? - What's his crime.
Frank: Oh Shit.
Riff Raff: Now Frank-n-Furter, your time has come - say goodbye to all this - and hello to oblivion.
Frank: Do your worst - inferior one.
Columbia: No!! No!!
Columbia jumped between Frank and the laser only to have it kill both of them and their bodies fell to the floor left as empty shells. Rocky was distraught having witnessed the death of his creator and began to beat his chest. Franks corpse was lifted buy rocky as he tried in vain to run away only to be killed by Riff Raff. Ben had just managed to place Michael on the side of the pool and was only half way out when he watched Rocky fall on top of Frank.
Michael: Ben are you alright? Is he dead?
Riff Raff: Yes.
Magenta: I thought you liked them - they liked you.
Riff Raff: (screams) They didn't like me - They never liked me. You saw the way things were - the way they were going
Michael: He was out of control.
Riff Raff: A decision had to be made.
Michael: What now?
Riff Raff: You should leave now, While it is still possible We are about to beam the entire house Back to the planet of transexual In the galaxy of Transalvania Go now -
The last sounds Michael and Ben heard as they made their way out of the house were the two aliens laughing at their success.
Magenta: I wonder if I remembered to lock up the dogs .
Riff Raff: No matter, Magenta - activate the transit crystal.
Ben and Michael barely made it out the door before a light show started with strange beams of light escaped through the window and the castle began to shrink. Ben held onto Michael tightly as the lights faded and the castle disappeared leaving a field full of tall grass. The sun had finally started to rise and Ben could feel Michael's legs begin to buckle underneath him.
Ben: Michael, open your eyes.
Michael: What if I still can't see?
Ben: I can talk. They are gone and were safe.
Michael: Can we go home now?
Ben: The further away we can get from this place the better I will feel.
Narrator:: And crawling on the planets face
Some insects called the human race
Lost in time
And lost in space
And meaning.
Stu: But true love won out.
Narrator: What do I look like to you Mary Poppins. This was supposed to be a story about the weaknesses of the flesh and being left with nothing.
Stu: But I like this ending better.
Narrator: Well I don't care what you like. This was all very disappointing and not at all what I had planned. I feel a headache coming on, I am going off to bed.
Magenta: (as usherette) Science Fiction - double feature
Frank has built and lost his creature
True love has conquered all
The servants gone to a distant planet
Oh - at the late night double feature
Picture show - I want to go - Ohh -
To the late night double feature picture show.