Ben felt hot and sticky stuck in the back-seat of the family Mercury. He wanted to be back in New York with his friends but his mother had a friend that invited them out to the Poconos and apparently they just had to go. He, once again, started shifting his legs to try and work out the cramps. When he was smaller the back-seat was great but being 6'4" tall was a blessing for basketball but a curse for long road trips. They finally reached their destination as the car pulled onto a dirt road that was surrounded by small cabins. Theirs was on a road called Happiness, all the roads had dumb names. He wondered if there was one further down the way called Despair. It's where he felt he belonged.
Their cabin was white with blue trim that was slowly peeling off. Inside the wood floors were well worn and covered with dirt. The wallpaper was a pale green-checkered pattern that had a few swatches missing. The cupboards had layers upon layers of paint that seemed to barely be keeping the battered doors together. His parents took the only bedroom while Ben was forced to sleep on the day bed in the sunroom. He opened some of the windows to get a nice cross breeze going through his space. He just didn't understand why his family couldn't have stayed in New York.
Ben began to unpack his clothes and place them in the battered chest beside his bed. He also pulled out his sleeping bag and pillow and placed them on the bed and then fell into their softness. He looked out at all the families that seemed to be enjoying each other but he knew no one here and he was not the type that easily made friends. There was a commotion in the kitchen and his mother's voice drifted through the cabin. One of the women had invited Ben and his family to a large cookout with all of the other families and his mother graciously accepted the offer. Of course his mother just had to inquire if there was going to be any one Ben's age there, especially girls. Ben groaned and pulled his pillow over his head. One more year and he would be going to college and hopefully living in a dorm away from his parents.
Ben had accidentally fallen asleep when he felt his mother start to shake his shoulders.
"Sweetheart, get up and out of Bed we have been invited out this evening"
"I heard. Can't I just stay here."
"No. You have been so moody lately, it will be good to get out and meet some new people. Could you please get changed into something you have not slept in."
Ben silently cursed, there probably were girls his age, why could he not get a break. He had known for some time now that he was gay he just was not sure how to come out to anyone. Some of his friends would make inappropriate jokes about homosexuals and he would laugh with them then go home and be sick to his stomach. It seemed so unfair that everyone assumed people to be straight and placed all sorts of pressure for them to stay within the norm. Ben's Mom was constantly bothering him about the fact he never dated anyone and always spent his Friday and Saturday nights alone. He just couldn't tell her that all his friends were out on dates and that he had no intention of trying to kiss a girl let alone have a relationship with one.
He slowly got out of bed and decided he could go through one more day of this charade as he put on some tight jeans and a black T-shirt. Before leaving he took a quick glance in the mirror, his pale blond hair had started to darken to a dirty blond. Since it was near to the end of summer his skin had more of a tanned tone than usual. He brushed his hair straight back only to have the short curls on the top to do their own thing.
His workouts over the past two years were apparent in his well-defined arms, chest and legs. He remembered to put his silver frame glasses in his pocket just in case before he headed out the door. He walked a few feet behind his mother and father dragging his feet along the dirt path. Every once in a while he would stop to take a look at the foliage. Unfortunately, no matter how much he procrastinated he could hear the laughter and happy voices just ahead of him. Once he cleared the trees and underbrush there was a large clear area with a few barbecue pits in the middle. There were six girls that started waving to try and catch his attention. They were all dressed up in jeans and tight shirts that left little to the imagination. Ben waved at them and headed behind his mother to try and help her get the salad ready that she had brought in separate baggies to kept the lettuce from getting to soggy.
He stayed close to his parents in the beginning and pretended not to notice his admirers. When it seemed that they just were not going to take the hint, he made his excuses to his mother that he was very tired and left the group. Instead of heading back to the cabin he started exploring trying to find different hiding places he could use for the next two weeks. He came up behind one of the cabins and noticed that there was a family sitting on the back porch. He thought everyone had gone to the cook out and was curious as to why this family was excluded. He was so busy looking at the cabin he did not hear the approaching footsteps.
"Hello, are you lost?"
The voice shocked him. As he turned to look at he young man speaking to him his foot caught onto a root and he ended up as a heap on the ground.
"Are you okay? Do you want some help up?"
Ben looked up into the most gorgeous brown eyes. His skin was as pale as cream and was a stark contrast with his black hair. He wore some faded old cut offs and a shirt with some super hero flying across his chest. In one of his hands was a small bouquet of wild flowers that had recently been picked. He slowly bent down and offered his other hand to help Ben up. He grabbed the small wrist and was amazed by its powerful grip and strength as he was pulled to his feet. Once upright, he almost fell over again when he felt hands on his arm and shoulder steadying him.
"My name is Michael. If you put your arm over my shoulder I can help you to our cabin. My mom knows first aid and your ankle looks like it could use some ice"
Ben could feel the swelling already beginning and couldn't believe how clumsy he had been. Michael was about 5'8" and seemed just the right height to be Ben's crutch.
"Thanks. My name is Ben. I'd really appreciate your help."
This was no lie, as they began to walk white hot pain was shooting up his leg. Did he do more damage than he thought. He looked over at his savior and was rewarded with a bright smile. It distracted him from his pain and made the trek across the backyard bearable. He couldn't help but wonder what lucky woman had won Michael's heart. As they neared their destination, He was able to get a closer look at the people he had been spying on. He assumed the full figured woman with red hair was Michael's Mom. She had on a bright green shirt with sequins forming the image of a parrot. She was wearing bright pink tights and her earrings just skimmed her shoulders. Her companion was very differently dressed, in blue shorts and a navy blue and white striped golf shirt. He was much skinnier than Michael's Mom and seemed to be struggling to stand. Both were able to meet them at the bottom of the stairs leading to the deck. " Mom, Uncle Vic, this is Ben. He was looking for his cabin when he stumbled."
"Well, Hello, Ben. You can call me Deb. Why don't you sit down while I get you some ice."
Michael was on one side and Vic was on the other trying to help Ben up the five steps and into a chair. Ben kept most of his weight on Michael since he seemed steadier than Vic it also brought Michael closer to him.
Once they had him seated in a tattered wicker chair, Michael pulled up a stool and rested Ben's foot on it. Michael removed his footwear being extra careful not to touch the swelling. Deb came out from the kitchen and placed a frozen bag of peas around his ankle. While Deb was fussing over Ben, Michael took the flowers into the house and placed them in a container with water. Ben watched as Michael moved further into the house with the fresh flowers into their sunroom, which was also acting as a bedroom. He placed the vase on a similar battered chest of drawers then made his way back onto the porch. Ben still couldn't help but wonder who the flowers were for.
"Would you like a piece of pie? We have peach or cherry if you prefer. I baked them myself."
"Oh yes, you look like you could use some food. My brother happens to be an excellent baker."
Michael nodded his head in agreement with his mother and got up to go to the kitchen. He came back with a large platter that held both pies and four warm plates under one of the pies. He went back into the kitchen once he cleared the contents on the platter to get some ice tea, ice cream and forks as well as a scoop.
Ben had to admit he was quite hungry since he did not eat that much at the cook out. Deb ended up loading his plate with a small slice of each and some vanilla ice cream. They started talking and Ben told them about his life back in New York. Every once in a while Vic would mention some of the places he had been. Slowly the sun began to set and Michael offered to walk him back. He was sorry to see the evening end it was the most fun he had in weeks.
Ben's ankle felt a great deal better after having peas melt all over it. Michael and his family insisted that Michael go with him just to make sure he made it back in one piece. As he neared his cabin he saw his father pacing back and forth in the window as he looked out to see if Ben was coming home yet. When he did see his son his face full of worry was replaced with anger. Ben could feel the lecture coming on about how his attitude was an embarrassment. Michael got Ben to the front door smiled at him and told Ben he would see him around. Ben certainly hoped so as he entered the cabin waiting for his fathers outburst.
"Where the hell have you been?"
"I got lost on my way back to the cabin and injured my ankle."
"Next time we go to some social function you are staying there and no more talking to your new friend."
That was unexpected how many times had his father encouraged him to make friends. Michael was nice as was his family, probably not influential but Ben enjoyed there company.
"Why not? "
"You are not to hang out with those people, period. Do I make myself clear? They're sick and that is all you need to know."
Ben was frustrated, he wanted to see Michael again. He turned his back on his father as he continued to rant about what was expected of Ben and pulled a chair against the door locking himself in. He pulled the sheets that were acting as curtains across the windows so that he could have some privacy. He tried to lie down and read or pick up the small weights he had brought with him but he was distracted by his memories. He should not do this he had to keep his impulses under control. The more he tried not to think about it the harder it was.
Finally he returned to his bed and began to undress. He pulled his shirt off and started to caress his own chest imaging that they were slightly smaller hands with paler skin. Then he slowly unzipped his jeans, enjoying the sound of the teeth pulling apart to release him from his confines. He felt his hardness barely contained in his jockey shorts and let out a moan as he outlined his own member with his fingers. He allowed his fingers to skim the top of his underwear than began to pull them off his flushed skin. He used some lotion from his bag to slick up his hand as he slowly pumped himself to completion. At the peak of his orgasm he called out his imaginary lovers name out. He used his discarded shirt to wipe himself off. After his head stopped swimming with the sensation of masturbating he pulled himself off his bed and into the dimly lit tiny bathroom to make sure he was clean.
Ben never saw his mother sitting in the dark at the kitchen table. She was waiting for a good opportunity to go check in on her son and look at his ankle. She couldn't help but wonder who was this Michael and what exactly did he mean to her son?
It rained all the next day and with his ankle still healing, Ben was forced to spend the time indoors. He felt like he was some weird science experiment the way his parents were following his movements. After breakfast they had sat down as a family to play a few card games.
Ben managed to tolerate his parents for a little over two hours but he could not take them anymore so he made some excuses about elevating his ankle and went back to his room. Once the door was shut he allowed all the stress and worry to drain out of him. He fell face first into his bed and used the pillow to muffle his scream.
After his release he sat upright on his bed and placed the pillow under his leg and pulled out his latest book. It was a collection of 19th century poets and soon he was engrossed in the pages and oblivious to the outside world.
Ben was brought back to the real world when he heard some yelling outside of the cabin. It was still raining and Michael was outside absolutely soaked with what appeared to be fresh fruit from the local store. It was more of a hut with little selection but convenient. Behind Michael a large boy along with two of the girls were following Michael and seemed to be making fun of him. The boy shoved Michael from behind and Ben watched him stumble to the ground.
"Come on. Get up, faggot."
"Charlie, don't touch him for all you know he has it too."
"Hey, he may actually like it. Did anyone ever tell you what you do is not normal."
"Well, do you have it? Do you have AIDS?" Ben then understood what his father had meant by referring to them as being sick. His stomach suddenly felt like it was rising up to his throat. He sat stunned on the bed wondering if Michael or his uncle knew Ben's secret. Just then Michael pulled himself up from the ground and pushed Charlie back. Ben tried to stifle a laugh as he watched Charlie fall to the ground. Not only was Michael strong he was also fast and by the time the two girls had helped Charlie off the ground Michael was out of sight.
Ben awoke early in the morning since he went to bed early last night. He threw his long legs over the side of the bed and tested out his ankle. It was not quite back to normal but his Mom figured he only twisted it. The swelling had gone down and he could stand. he just walked a little funny. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a muffin that his Mom had made yesterday and left a note for his parents then headed out the door.
He started following the main path he had seen Michael use the day before not knowing were it led. After following the curving road and seeing what he figured to be over half the cabins he found a lake. The sand was still wet from the rain yesterday and squeezed between his toes and got in his sandals. Towering poplars, maples and evergreens, surrounded the other three sides of the lake. In the middle of the lake was a floating dock that had a small set of stairs that were partially in the water on the side closest to Ben. He started to walk in the water up to his mid calf. Overlooking the water, Ben realized he was not alone. someone's head popped out of the water. He slowly watched as the form started to walk towards the shore and was delighted when he recognized it was Michael.
"Hi Ben, I was just taking a morning swim."
"I noticed, although I suppose it would have to be early in the morning if you wanted to avoid Charlie."
Michael eyes seemed to darken at the mention of the name and Ben regretted bringing him up.
"Yeah, well we can't all be assholes, but Charlie does his best."
Ben could not help but laugh and soon had Michael laughing with him.
"I suppose you saw us yesterday?"
"Yes. I'm sorry about your uncle. he was really nice when I met him."
"Thanks. Most people usually just seem to be shocked when they find out.
He was in the hospital but he gradually seems to be getting better. We couldn't leave behind and this trip seems to be doing him a lot of good."
"Do you always bring him flowers?"
"He keeps pretty close to the cottage and they seem to cheer him up. When I was hospitalized for a really bad asthma attack, he would bring me comic books and lemon bars. I would like to return the favour, although those flowers hardly seem to be enough after all of the things he has done for me."
Ben could just nod his head. He could remember a time long ago when he had felt that close to his parents but that was more than two years ago.
He felt he had to distance himself to protect his secret even though it hurt his parents but the truth would hurt them even more. Michael moved to a bush and picked up a pair of sandals and a plain red t- shirt. He had not dried himself off first which made his shirt plaster to his chest showing the slightest hint of muscles. Ben licked his lips as he remembered what lay underneath. Don't think about it, just control yourself. If you can't do that then turn around and leave. Ben was concentrating so hard on trying to get the image of Michael partially nude out of his mind he barely heard him.
"Do you want to hang out together today?"
Michael seemed so hesitant to ask him as if we was used to people saying no. He started to chew on his bottom lip as he looked at Ben and waited for a response.
"Considering you saved me I would love to."
"I hardly saved you. all you did was hurt your ankle and that would not have happened if I hadn't surprised you."
"I can see it now, 'teen dies at cabin resort, eaten alive by bugs after a terrible fall.'"
Michael eyes lit up as he started giggling. It really was an absurd idea but Ben loved to hear him laugh. Maybe the next two weeks wouldn't be as bad as he thought.
Ben had awoken early in the morning as he had done for the past two weeks looking forward to seeing Michael. The days seemed to be passing too quickly and in two days Ben would head back to New York and Michael would be off to Pittsburgh. He would join Michael for a swim this morning and then try to spend the rest of the day with him. Ben loved it when they would go for long walks and Michael would share parts of his life with Ben. He had learned that Michael never had a father but that Vic had filled that role. Michael also mentioned an Aunt, Uncle and cousins that he had not seen for three years when he came out to his family. To be more accurate his Mom announced his homosexuality and was very proud of him. They made each other laugh with stories of their childhood. Ben had told Michael all about his plans to go out of state for his education and to major in creative writing. Michael turned around and told Ben he never met a writer until now. That had made Ben's day his father was always telling him to choose a real major. His mother on the other hand was a firm believer that an education was what you made of it and Ben could do anything if he was willing to work for it. Ben was already using his creative writing since he couldn't tell his father he was going to spend time with Michael. He had even gone back to the Novtny cabin a few times for meals or to spend some time with Vic. While Deb was out at the beach reading her latest Daniel Steele Vic taught Ben and Michael the art of poker. They had played for chocolate chip cookies and Vic cleaned both of the boys out.
The sun began to peak into the room and Ben bolted out of bed wanting to get to the lake as soon as possible. As Ben entered the kitchen he realized his father was perched at the table.
"Where do think your going this early in the morning?'
"I though I would go to the lake and go for a swim."
"This was supposed to be a family vacation the least you can do is spend some time with me and your mother. You are leaving for school at the end of this summer and we will not see you until the holidays."
"That is still a few weeks away."
"I don't care if it is a few weeks you are staying with us today. There is a farmers market as well as some interesting sites that are not in New York. Now get some breakfast and be ready to leave in half an hour."
"Dad please, I want to spend my last two days with my new friends."
"I said no and that is final."
His father stormed into the bedroom. Ben could hear his mother try to convince his father to let him go but his old man had made his decision and there was nothing they could do.
Ben was miserable the whole trip not taking an interest in the farmers market or the bird sanctuary. When his mother asked if was enjoying himself he plastered his best fake smile and told her this was great, there was no point in them all being miserable. The family made it back to the cabin in the late afternoon and his mother started dinner. Ben helped with the washing of the food and cutting the vegetables for the salad. His mother was chatting about some of the things Ben could do for his last day here.
"Sweetheart are you going to that campout with all the other kids?" Ben could just imagine what the kids were going to do. He had not been invited since he avoided all the other kids. It would mean he could stay out late and stay away from his father. He was still angry at being forced to waste his vacation doing things he did not want to do.
"I thought I would check it out and decide once I got there."
"Okay, just make sure if you do go that you are back by eleven in the morning since your Dad wants to leave at a reasonable time."
His mother made a delicious meal of pot roast that had been in the slow cooker this morning and potatoes with a salad. Ben excused himself grabbed his bag with a change of clothes and sleeping bag and headed out the door.
Ben had taken the shortcut to Michael's cabin and watched as Deb and Vic were out on the back porch sitting on the chairs. Ben felt a slight pressure on his shoulder and almost jumped he turned around to look down into brown eyes. Michael smiled as his hand released it s grip on Ben's shoulder.
"I was wondering when you were going to show up."
"Today turned out to be family day and this was my first chance to escape my parental unit."
Michael began laughing and shaking his head at the same time. He seemed surprised the first time Ben had told Michael about his need to get away from his parents on a regular basis but Michael's relationship with his family wasn't claustrophobic.
"What is the bag for? Are you planning on running away? Kinda of impatient if you ask me soon you will be off to the hallways of higher education."
"Sort of. My Mom heard about this camp out and told me to go."
Michael pouted slightly and Ben had to resist looking at the plump bottom lip jutting out.
"That is on the other side of camp and Charlie and company will be there."
"I was just going to sneak back into my cabin later tonight instead of explaining to them that I don't want to make friends with Charlie."
"Why would that be a problem?"
"Charlie comes from a good family and my father believes that connections are everything."
"Maybe you could stay here. I have been staying in a small tent near our cabin since there isn't enough room in the cabin. I could ask my mother."
"Okay."
Ben was hoping Deb would say yes. He enjoyed spending time with Michael's family. As the two boys approached the back porch similar to the first night this time Vic was the first one out of his chair to greet Ben. His coloring had improved and he even managed to get out for one walk with the boys. It wasn't a great distance but was more then he could have done the previous week.
"Hey Vic, You are looking better."
"Thanks, its good to see you. I didn't have much choice but to get better. My sister may be a good cook but her baking leaves a lot to be desired."
"Why you ungrateful little shit."
Ben could imagine this was more the norm for those two and that only when Vic was really sick that Deb let a lot of openings go unused. Vic smiled as he offered Ben and Michael a chair.
"Ma could Ben spend his last night here. He was thinking of going out to the campout but he does not really like Charlie."
"I think you'll be safer. I wonder if their parents know how many children lose their virginity's out there. It is called lovers rock for a reason."
Michael turned beet red. "Ma!"
"I am sure Ben is not that naive. If you actually want to get some rest you are more than welcome to spend the night here. Do you need a blanket or pillow."
"Actually I came prepared. Thanks I think I would rather rest than hear someone going at it."
The four sat and talked while Vic brought out some brownies and Milk. It was starting to get quite dark when Michael and Ben headed to the tent. It was only big enough for the two sleeping bags and Ben quickly set up his bed. He turned around just in time to see Michael stripping down to his underwear. He was wearing red briefs that left little to the imagination. He climbed into his sleeping bag and turned to talk to his friend. Ben slowly started to strip as Michael watched. The sleeping bag was not able to hide Michael's arousal as Ben looked down. He turned giving Michael a view of his ass and hid his own arousal. Once inside his sleeping bag he allowed himself to face Michael with his legs draped over each other to hide his erection. Ben held his breath as he stared into Michael's eyes that were almost black and filled with desire. He was sure there was probably the same look in his blue eyes. Michael cleared his throat "Goodnight Ben."
Ben almost moaned at the sound of his voice "Sweet dreams Michael."
Ben barely had a chance to get some sleep when he heard Michael moving around. He just managed to miss getting an elbow in his stomach as Michael seemed to be wrestling with something. Reaching between the two makeshift beds he was able to locate the flashlight and turned it on. Michael was trying to get the zipper on the tent to close and was having difficulty since his body wouldn't stop shivering.
"What's the matter, you look like your freezing?"
"It started raining again and it is coming down hard. I have always had problems getting this damn zipper shut and some water came in. I will just wait till it lightens up and go get some more blankets."
Ben moved the light over to look at Michael sleeping bag. Some water was an understatement, the sleeping bag appeared to be half soaked down the entire length and Michael's pillow had suffered the same. Moving so that he was just above Michael in a seated position he placed his hand over Michael's and pulled the stubborn zipper shut. The tips of Michael's fingers felt like ice. He remembered Michael mentioning having pneumonia a few time with his weak lungs. Ben needed to get him warmed up and fast, it was completely innocent or so he told himself. His arms reached around Michael's slender waist and pulled him towards his own sleeping bag. Michael did not protest when he pulled him inside against his own heat and closed the zipper on the bag trapping them inside. With his free arm he pushed the wet sleeping bag and pillow against the flap and spread his own more in the center of the tent then turned off the flashlight.
The darkness that enveloped them made it hard for Ben to make out Michael's features but he could still hear Michael's teeth chattering. Ben started to rub Michael's hand in his own to warm them up. When heat returned to those appendages he started to work his way up Michael's arms then his shoulders. Ben stopped when he felt that Michael was no longer shivering. Michael began to move and Ben feared he was going to make a run out of the tent but instead he turned to face Ben.
"Thanks."
"No problem. Why don't you just go to sleep it is warmer this way."
Michael's eyes opened wider at the unexpected invitation. Ben acted on pure instinct and held Michael closer to him. He placed Michael's leg in between his so that Michael could feel his arousal. Michael's breath hitched and Ben was able to feel his body respond to Ben. Both sets of hands starting tracing the other slowly exploring for the first time. Ben reached for Michael's face and pulled him into a kiss. At first the touch was light with their lips barely kissing but each wanted more. Soon Ben's tongue was probing to gain entrance into Michael's mouth and after a moan escaped Michael's lips was granted entrance. They explored the texture of their tongues and the crevices of their mouths. Michael's hand had moved to Ben's pecs as he kneaded the tight muscles there. When they broke apart for air Michael dipped down to capture a nipple in his mouth. He raked his teeth over the sensitive flesh before beginning to lightly suck.
Ben ran his hands over Michael's perfect ass and allowed one finger to follow the crack. Michael stopped for a moment when Ben's finger skimmed over his anal opening. Sensing that Michael enjoyed it he touched the area again using more pressure and was rewarded as Michael's body jerked slightly. He was curious to find out if the rest of Michael's body would be as responsive. His hands caressed Michael's back when attention was being lavished to the other nipple. Michael worked his way up Ben's chest to his ear and took the sensitive flesh between his lip and nipped at the skin. He then plunged his tongue into the passage and used his hand to keep Ben's head from thrashing around. Ben hands instinctively gripped Michael's shoulders harder as he gave into the sensations he was experiencing. His ear felt cold when Michael's tongue pulled out and he began kissing Ben again.
Ben pulled Michael who had his torso pulled on top of him to straddling his hips. He ran his hands down Michael's neck and chest to his erection. He started pumping the bulging flesh enjoying the look of bliss on Michael's face. Michael's ass started to move to the rhythm Ben had created causing friction on Ben's abdomen that was sheer hell. Michael was close and Ben sat up to capture his mouth as he came in Ben's talented hand. Ben pulled Michael down with him and was contemplating how to take care of his own problem when Michael began to move.
Ben felt light kisses trailing down his body when Michael stopped at his belly button. He licked circles around it and each circle became smaller and closer to the bullseye. Michael plunged his tongue inside and had to capture Ben's hips when he bucked up. His strong hands held Ben to the ground as he explored the orifice to his satisfaction and moved further down. He skimmed his lips at the tip of Ben's penis and had to reinforce his hold on Ben's hips. His lips slowly passed over just the mushroom head ad he alternated between sucking and playing with the piss slit. Ben was unable to get Michael to take in more of him but he could run his fingers through the raven hair. The curls wrapped around his fingers as he moved his hands through the thick mass trying to concentrate on anything but the sensation. It was so hard to hold out and Ben almost completely lost it when Michael took all of him that he could. He watched as Michael plunged his member in and out of his hot talented mouth. Soon Ben came in his mouth and Michael licked off all the evidence.
Ben pulled Michael back up so that his head was resting in the nook of his neck. When the ability to speak finally returned Ben had to ask, "Where did you learn to do that?"
"My uncle has quite the collection of porn and shitty hiding places."
"Thank god for porn"
They both started laughing then gave themselves up to sleep.
The next morning Ben woke to the most incredible sight as well as one that terrified him. Still lying on top of him snuggled against him was Michael still sleeping off the effects of the night before. Ben had to go to the washroom so he gradually pulled Michael off of him. He pulled on a pair of underwear as well as his shorts and sandals. The day was still early and the sky still had that fresh smell after the rain. He was just about finished doing in his business when he heard someone approaching from behind.
"I was going to come right back. We still have a few hours before I have to head back."
Ben turned around expecting to see Michael only to come face to face with his father. He had never seen his Father's face so red and set into such a grimace. His dad grabbed Ben painfully by the neck and started to pull him in the direction back to the cabin. Ben dug his heels into the ground trying to stop himself from going anywhere.
"I told you not to come here again. We are leaving now so you had better get your hide back to the cabin now or else."
Ben never had the chance to say good-bye.
Ben woke as a dream seemed to be calling him and taunting at the same time of things that had happened five years ago. He always tried to forget his first but during times of stress or when loneliness surrounded him his mind always went back to those two weeks. His eyes adjusted to the light as it started to drift into his childhood room. After those two weeks, he had spent the rest of his time before going to college crying in this room at what his father had done. When he saw his distant relatives who came to visit, they would always whisper when he entered a room. It took all his will power to keep from standing in the middle of the room screaming. At least then they might speak directly to him instead of behind his back. In less than a month, he had lost more than half of his friends and he didn't have that many to start with.
When he finally moved to Idaho for the creative writing program, he saw it as an opportunity to reinvent himself. No one knew what had happened. as far as they knew, he was like everyone else. His roommate, Chris, was on a scholarship for basketball and the two became good friends. After a few months there, his friend decided Ben must be really shy and decided to help him with the dating scene.
"You'll like Cheryl, she is majoring in economics but she is a party girl."
"Hey, my new girlfriend has a friend who's new here so we figured we could go on a double date."
"Shannon's one of the easiest girls on campus. you won't even have to talk to her and I'll be with Dawn all weekend."
Ben supposed he must have looked nervous on those dates, but not for the reasons Chris suspected. Before, he would have trouble keeping any food down and he always broke out in a sweat. By the time they would actually go out, Ben was all nerves and wishing that the world would swallow him up whole. Sometimes he would feel bad for being so deceptive, but it was not like he was offering these women a future with him. He went out on one date with them and that was it. The last five years had been hell hiding who he was but nothing compared to that last month. It seemed his father decided that Ben must have just been experimenting that summer and only because he was with a bad influence. They could pretend that was the case when others were around and seemed to have a pretty open relationship. but during the moments with just the two of them, there were painful silences since the truth not mattered how often they tried to ignore it still remained. Ben would never have the chance to tell his father how he had really felt, he had died a week earlier.
Ben still had a good relationship with his mother who always told her son his main goal should be sure to make sure that he was happy. She would ask him if he was and it seemed like a ludicrous question, had he ever been happy? Yes you were for two weeks you were incredibly happy till you let go, he thought to him self.
Ben had tried to contact Michael on a few occasions but was unable to find a listing for him in Pittsburgh. Michael had mentioned the house they lived in was actually his uncle's but Ben never found out Vic's last name.
As the sun finally filled the room Ben finally pulled himself out of bed to get dressed for his fathers funeral. He planned to spend a few weeks with his Mom to make sure she was going to be okay. At least with him attending Pittsburgh University to pursue a teaching degree he would be closer to home. He could always drive up on weekends until he was sure his Mom would be okay on her own. He pulled out his black suit and tie along with a wine colored dress shirt. He pulled the suit on and stopped off at the bathroom to quickly brush his hair and teeth. He entered the kitchen to find his mother sitting with her cup of coffee.
"I didn't hear you get up."
"Well I did not expect to get up this early. I never was a morning person. You know your Dad used to have to get you going in the morning to school or a sports event."
Ben sat at the table with his mother and reached out to hold her hand.
"We had so many great years together. I always hope you'll meet your special someone who will love you for who you are. After the funeral today, I don't want to come back to this empty house. I've made some arrangements to go on a holiday of sorts and have picked the perfect spot to spread your Father's ashes. Will you come with me."
There was such hope in his mother's eyes, how could Ben refuse. He was looking forward to getting out of this house. It held too many painful memories that just wouldn't let him go.
"Why don't you go pack and we can leave after the service."
The funeral seemed like a blur with friends and family speaking about how great Robert Bruckner was. Ben managed to say a few words as well as read a poem that his father always liked but he felt uncomfortable with all these people. They all knew his father and Ben had to question if he ever knew his father and if his father had ever known him. He felt like a robot shaking hands and accepting condolences as people passed through the reception hall at the funeral parlor. One of the more awkward moments was when Robert's lawyer came up to Ben and shoved an envelope in his hand his father had left for him. Ben recognized the hand writing and shoved the envelope into his pocket trying to forget about it for the moment. At the end of the afternoon the funeral director walked up to his mother and handed her the urn containing her Husbands ashes. It was over and there was no going back to change things.
The old family Mercury was a much more comfortable ride as Ben was seated in the passengers seat. His mother wanted to drive, which was great since she was the only one who knew where they were going. He opened the passenger window and closed his eyes as a cool breeze surrounded him. He opened his eyes as he felt the car finally come to a stop. He held a breath as he recognized where they were, the Poconos. If Ben had known this was the destination he never would have come and he couldn't help but think that was why his mother had not told him. It was the same cabin as before but someone had finally freshened up the paint job. The cabinets in the kitchen were used but different from before and were a few different types but all pine finishes. The walls had been painted a mint green color that seemed more cheerful then the wallpaper.
"Ben dear, would you mind taking the master bedroom. I don't think I could handle being in that large bed all by myself."
"Are you sure? that daybed isn't that great."
"Neither is the queen size bed."
Ben agreed and headed back to the other room. The master bedroom had just enough room for the queen size bed a small white set of drawers and an aisle to walk around. The room was the same mint green as the kitchen and had plain linen drapes over the window. His Mom walked in the room to drop off some sheets to make the bed with and headed back to her own room. The sheets were a pale gold color and were silk. The coverlet was very thin with ferns and a series of pale gold borders. He placed the shams on the two extra pillows that matched the coverlet. After he was done making the bed, he pulled the mosquito netting down so it draped over the bed. And opened the windows to let some fresh air into the room. He left his room to see if his mother needed any help. The sunroom had also been redone painted the same green. The day bed had one pillow that ran the length of the back with a cream on cream damask pattern as well as the coverlet and arm rest pillows. The frame itself had been repainted to an off white color. In one corner sat his Grandmother's old wicker rocking chair. The bed sheets on the windows had been replaced with plantation shutters and cream sheers.
"Mom, what is that rocker doing here?"
"Your father loved this place so much he managed to buy it. We have spent the last few years fixing it up. We even have a small garden out back and window boxes on all the windows. Unfortunately, your father never had the time to fix up the porch. I haven't decided if I am going to keep this place. I haven't really decided anything yet. I just wanted to be here. He loved to be here even more than our home in New York."
Ben was a little surprised that he had never heard about this or that his father had good memories here. He noticed that his Dad had even replaced the old worn wood floors with pine. The cabin was really beautiful and yet still simplistic. Ben was still hurt that this was yet another thing to the list of many that he hadn't known about his father.
"He did love you no matter how much the two of you disagreed. You were a lot a like, very stubborn."
Ben smiled at his mother, not knowing what he could possibly to say her. She was wrong they were nothing alike his father was strong and Ben was always weak. He needed some fresh air so he made some excuses and headed out the door. He was re familiarizing himself when he found himself on the path to the lake. As he neared he heard that there was someone in the water. It was getting late and the sun had begun to set. As Ben turned the corner he heard a voice that had haunted his dreams.
"Brian, get away from me. I can swim on my own without your help. in fact, I think I swim better when you aren't right there."
"Aw Mikey, you almost make it sound like your suffering by having to put up with me."
"I love you, but you are insufferable."
The one person that Ben assumed was Brian started to pull away from Michael. He then quickly turned around when he had some space between them and managed to create a large wave with his sweeping arm to soak Michael.
"I was already wet before you know. I was just kidding. I am really glad that you came with me. These next few weeks are going to be a lot of fun."
Brian pulled up close to Michael again and silenced him by pulling him into a kiss. They had their foreheads pressed together and stopped when they ran out of breath. Ben didn't want to hear any more. His walk quickly turned into a run as he began to punish his lungs for his own stupidity so many years ago. He never expected to see Michael let alone the pain of seeing Michael with someone else. His self doubts began to seep into his brain and Ben couldn't stop them from coming after all they were right.
It's been five years what did you expect you were just a one-night stand and not a very good one at that. I bet that new man is better than you and he deserves to be happy you don't. Your nothing but a weak, insecure liar.
Ben slowly stumbled back to the cabin in the dark as he tried to formulate a plan to get him through the next few weeks. Michael went all over this campsite so they were bound to run into each other eventually unless he stayed inside. He decided to get a drink to try and calm his nerves once inside. He checked to make sure his mother was fast asleep in the other room before searching the cabinets. On his fifth try he managed to locate a bottle. He pulled out a tumbler and poured himself two fingers worth and quickly drank it before refilling his glass. The next drink he nursed a little longer and continued to drink until early morning.
He could feel his mother shaking his shoulder when he finally decided to open his eyes. She was already dressed and had cleaned up the mess Ben had left. He glanced up at the clock to find that it was already noon. He contemplated dragging himself back to bed but didn't think his stomach could handle it. His mother loudly slammed a plate of toast in front of him, she never did have much patience for self inflicted pain.
"Aren't you supposed to give coffee to someone who is drunk?"
"One, you are not drunk you are hung over and after the amount you consumed you deserve it. Two,who wants a drunk that is wide awake?"
Ben couldn't help but laugh at his mother's observations but soon regretted when the sound started vibrating in his skull.
"Since your father and I bought this cabin, I have been trying to get to know all the regulars. I have invited a family over tonight, I don't want to become isolated and I don't want you to isolate yourself either. Maybe you could take a shower and get a few more hours sleep after you eat something."
Ben saw no point in arguing with her since it might get her to be quiet. He finished the toast and then drank the orange juice his mother gave him. He headed straight to bed and decided to shower later. For the second time that day, Ben was awoken by his mother telling him to get ready. The hot water from the shower felt even more rejuvenating than his nap or the food he had eaten. When he got out of the shower, he brushed his teeth twice just to make sure he was rid of the smell and brushed his hair. He had only a towel wrapped around his waist when he heard a familiar voice.
"It's all right Mrs. Bruckner. I can get the tray of drinks."
Ben was going to make a run for it and run into the bedroom but his feet were wet from the shower. He felt two hands on his back trying to steady him but he only managed to take both of them out. Ben was mortified to realize not only what a klutz he was but that he was still on top. As he pulled himself up he glanced back up at Michael who was trying to sit up rubbing the back of his head. When Michael looked up at Ben his cheeks started to burn red. Ben figured he was probably uncomfortable to have run into him again. That was when he began to feel a cool draft and looked to find his towel in Michael's hand.
"Sorry."
And with that simple word Michael pulled himself off the ground and grabbed the tray then headed out the door. Ben picked his towel off the floor before heading to his bedroom. He was trying to keep his emotions under control as well as his bodily functions. Whatever Ben was going to do he was not going out there.
Ben couldn't believe his mother had come into the house and dragged him out by his ear. He busied himself looking at the garden or the porch that still needed repairs, anywhere but those brown eyes. Every once in a while he would sneak a quick peek. His lips were as full as he remembered and were wet from the juices of the fruit salad. He wondered how they would taste before reminding himself of who else sat at the table.
Ben glanced over at Brian, he was dressed all in black even though with the heat he should be boiling. Part of Ben was hoping he would melt and leave Michael to him, but the way he draped his arm over Michael's shoulder and pulled him close to whisper in his ear, Ben knew that would never happen.
The meal was finally finished as Deb, Vic and Ben's mother started talking. Michael started to clear the table and Ben decided to help. Brian sat back watching, giving Ben the dirtiest looks. At one point he had headed into the kitchen while Michael was scrubbing down the table.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"My parents own this cabin I think that means I am welcome."
"You already had your chance and you hurt him."
"That was never my intention"
"You know what they say about good intentions"
Ben felt his anger rising, he already told himself he wasn't good enough, he did not need to be reminded. Michael returned to the room and seemed to sense the tension almost immediately. He situated himself between the two and started to clean the dishes getting Brian and Ben to dry them.
Later that night Ben's mother kept mentioning how sweet Michael was and wondering if he was seeing anyone. His mother knew some girls that would love someone as kind and considerate as him. He didn't have the heart to tell her that not only was he gay but his heart was already taken. He waited until she was ready to go to bed before heading to his own room. He placed a towel under the door to keep the sound down to a minimum and locked the door. Images of Michael seemed to playing in front of him as well as some fantasies of his own. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to live with him and share a life with him. Ben once again stroked himself but pretended it was someone else. The two were back in the tent but instead of stopping where they did they kept going until he was buried deep in Michael. Sleep soon overcame him, but with thoughts of Michael it was anything but peaceful.
Ben started an early morning ritual of heading to the lake first thing in the morning. He would get to see Michael out there like old times but without Brian. Ben wasn't scared of Brian, he just had no use for him or his unique charm which some times seemed more like rudeness. Michael would talk about his family and sometimes how Brian had become part of that family and looked out for him. Ben secretly wished he could have done that for him. Ben usually talked about school and his father. He told Michael things he had never told anyone else, like his regrets about the distance that had happened for more than seven years. Michael never seemed to judge him or argue with him he just listened. He always found those moments to be intense as he connected with another person no holds barred. Afterwards he would feel emotionally drained and would work on the deck or whatever other projects he could find lying around.
A week and a half had passed when his mother decided to head back to New York for a few days and mentioned Ben might want to stay behind. He was more than happy to stay where he was since it meant being close to Michael.
His body seemed to ache everywhere after digging some new post holes for the porch. His father had left behind plans for a porch that would be on all sides of the cabin. Ben had considered renting a machine to make the work easier but he liked using his hands. He was cleaning up the kitchen floor where he had tracked dirt. As he placed the broom in the hallway closet, an envelope fell out of his jacket pocket that he'd worn to the funeral. He picked it up feeling the heavy manila paper against his fingers. He had forgotten about the letter with everything else that had been going on while part of him just wanted to avoid it. He sat down at the kitchen table placing his thumb in the flap and pulling it across to rip the paper. He pulled out a letter that his father had written to him.
"Dear Ben, First and foremost, I want to make sure you know how much I love you. You have been our greatest accomplishment.
These last few years, the closeness we once shared just isn't there anymore. I never meant for that to happen or to have it become so great.
We only seem to see you at Thanksgiving and Christmas and you never seem to be all there. If you are reading this letter, I can only assume I was a coward and never tried to reach out to you. We have never discussed certain things about my life or yours. If I thought for even a moment that talking openly about my cancer would make things easier for you...I'm sorry I did not take that opportunity. You have only known about it for the last few years since you were nineteen but I have had different forms for longer than that. My home with you and your mother became my sanctuary where I could pretend there was nothing wrong, but in turn I was suffocating you. That was never my intention and it hurt me to know that I had lost your friendship and trust.
As usual, I just tried to pretend that it was my imagination or you being a teenager. The longer I ignored the problem, the farther you were. That morning that I realized you were gay was one of my worst days. not because of what you are but what it meant. I always wanted to be the type of father that you could confide in, only to find that I had utterly failed you. When I told your Mother she already seemed to know but it had never occurred to me. To make my mistake worse, I told my brother what had happened. He seemed to have a good relationship with his children and I needed advice on how to make it up to you. He had no advice to give but he did tell anyone who would listen and clearly made your last few weeks with us what I assume to be hell.
I also regret what I can only consider to be emotionally damaging comments too. I know I once referred to them as being sick. I have tried to keep myself from believing any misconception about homosexuality but, parts of it frighten me. As a parent, the idea that one would outlive their children is the worst possible scenario. What would make this situation even worse is if your child was in pain from a disease and there was nothing you could do about it. I can only trust your decisions and hope that you practice safe sex at all times.
I have also heard of some horror stories of certain violent acts committed against homosexuals. Every day I have heard your voice and know that you are fine has been an answered prayer. I always thought that if you had the right friends that you would have some protection against any falls either professionally or personally. It is funny how age can make you realize certain truths. Even with the most influential friends, one can be vulnerable. Through the best parts of my life and the worst, all I have needed is my best friend, your mother. I have never had to impress, except for the dating process, but she is the most powerful person in my life because of what she is to me. My wish for you is that you can at least have one good friend like her.
When you have come home you seem to be someone totally different. I not only lost my relationship with you, but who you were fading away. In all the years I raised you, I taught you right and wrong, how to go after what you want but missed what seems to be the most important lesson. Above all else, Ben, know thyself. If you don't, others may never have the pleasure of knowing the real you either.
Please forgive me.
With all my Love, Robert Bruckner."
Ben could not stop the tears that were falling down his face as his father handwriting blurred. He pulled his head between his knees suddenly feeling like he wanted to throw up.
Why did he wait so long? Was I that difficult to talk to? He blames himself but I started the stale mate between the two of us. It is not fair that we wasted all this time when it is just too late for either one of us.
His anger started to get the better of him and he wished he could yell at someone for this but it all came down to choices he had made. He raised his hands, grabbed the edge of the kitchen table, and up ended it against the wall. The plate from his lunch smashed against the wall and fell to the floor shattered. Anything that was easily accessible received the same treatment as the table. Ben had pretty much thrown everything he could when he fell to his knees. His body was shaking and the tears had never stopped flowing. The table was still on its side against the wall as were the two kitchen chairs. The pots had fallen into the sink and countertop when he ripped the pot holder from the ceiling leaving four large holes. Some more plates had been broken in the sink when the pot holder fell. Ben buried his face in his hands not wanting to see or feel anything. There were so many times when he had made himself numb to the outside world to hide his pain but he felt powerless.
All through his later years people were astonished by Ben's patience and how emotionally balanced he was but in private those skills seemed to evade him.
Ben was unaware as the front screen door opened and he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. How many times had Michael managed to use a simple touch to ground him and comfort him at the same time. Ben had been crying so hard he started to hiccup. Michael just reached his hand down and rubbed small circles on his upper back. As he looked up into Michael's eyes an absurd child's fairytale ran through his mind.
Humpty Dumpty lived on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the kings horses, all the kings men
tried to put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
"Fix me."
Ben thought he had only whispered his request and part of him hoped Michael had not heard him. Michael dropped to his knees and placed Ben's face in his hands.
"There is nothing to fix Ben, you are perfect as you are."
Ben rested his head against Michael's shoulder and was grateful for the strong arms that held him tight. When the tears started to come to a stop Michael stood up and used his hands to urge Ben to do the same. Michael kept hold of Ben's hand as he led him to the bedroom. Once they were away from the disaster of the kitchen and behind closed doors, Michael began to strip the clothes off of Ben's large frame. His shoulders were slumped and Ben kept staring at the floor waiting to see when Michael would leave. Michael pulled off Ben's pants, underwear and socks then pushed him down on the bed. Ben was surprised as he watched Michael strip. The bed creaked as Michael climbed in under the sheets to spoon up behind Ben. He used his hands to trace circle on Ben's arms.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"
"My father wrote me a letter before he died. His lawyer gave it to me and I just read it today. It just reminded me of how I never knew him."
"Do you think you know him now that you have read the letter?"
"What difference would that make? he's dead now."
"But your not. Your biggest regret when you came here was that you missed an opportunity to know him. Your father was a lot like you, when he couldn't express himself to you by talking he used writing. You know things you may not have known otherwise. It would be great if everyone could tell their loved ones what they need to know every chance they get but it usually takes a tragedy to get people to do that. You once said you were jealous of the open relationship I have with my mother and Uncle Vic. When we found out Uncle Vic was sick we knew there may not always be a later so it is better not to leave things unsaid."
"My father has been fighting cancer for years. He could have said something. anything instead of that damn letter."
"If he did tell you those things while he was alive he may have felt he was admitting defeat. By writing a letter if he died before he did say what he needed to he would know you would still receive that message. He obviously loved you very much if he went to all the trouble to ensure you would know"
"You really think so?"
"Yes. He would be a fool otherwise and you always said your father was a very smart man."
Ben turned over in the bed to look at Michael. The gold color of the sheets brought out the gold flecks in his eyes. Ben rested his head against Michael's shoulder so he could hear his steady pulse. That was the way he fell asleep in the safety of Michael's arms feeling a peace he had lacked for so long.
As the sun crept through the drapes, Ben awoke to the feeling of a warm body beside him. During the night they'd kicked off most of the sheets and Ben had an unobstructed view of Michael as he slept. Soon the chocolate brown eyes opened and Ben watched as Michael began to blush. His cheeks turned red as he realized that he was uncovered. On impulse, Ben lowered his lips to Michael's neck and placed a light kiss. He slowly let his lips travel up Michael's neck to his cheek and ultimately his mouth. Ben half expected Michael to push him away but he had to try. Ben felt a push against his chest as Michael broke out of the kiss. Ben figured it was probably about Brian until he realized what Michael heard.
"Benjamin Bruckner, I'm not even gone two days and look what happened. My pot rack! I had a hard time finding one that would fit into this small kitchen."
He heard his mother's footsteps as she approached the bedroom. He thought about getting up to lock the door but his body seemed frozen. He watched in slow motion as the knob turned and his mother opened the door. He still lay still even though Michael was trying to grab the sheets off he ground to cover himself. Michael only managed to give his mother a better view of his ass when he was bent over the bed with his hands on the ground.
"Next time lock the door and pretend not to be home, you'll get a lot farther."
Ben tried to contain his laughter but one glance at a mortified Michael and he started to laugh out loud.
"That was not funny! Very few people have seen all of me and there was no reason for her to be added to the list. Just for laughing, your on your own for the clean up." Michael threw Ben a look as he finally managed to cover himself with the sheet.
"I suppose you have to go back to Brian."
"Nah, Brian can only stand a few days before he takes his car and heads back to the thumpa-thumpa of Babylon and its plentiful tricks."
Ben was confused, "You have quite the relationship."
"What do you mean? Don't you have someone who you'll be best friends forever with? wait...You thought we were.... Brian doesn't do boyfriends, he can't even set plans beyond three days."
That was all Ben wanted to hear as he pulled Michael back to him and started to unwrap the sheet around him. He placed Michael in the middle of the bed and lay on top of him then resumed kissing him.
It seemed so long ago since he'd been happy with Michael in his arms but it was only mere hours ago. The two had just held each other and kissed until his mother interrupted them again. Ben finally got dressed and cleaned up the kitchen from the events of the night before, he even filled the holes in the ceiling. Michael eventually came out of the bedroom dressed and when Ben's mother mentioned needing caffeine, Michael made coffee and threw together a breakfast for the three of them. Ben asked Michael to go with him since he needed his love and support.
The three walked a path that had gorgeous views of the nature that surrounded the cabins. They walked in silence but Ben kept his hand around Michael, afraid his new found happiness might disappear. They finally reached the end of the trail on a small plateau that looked out onto the lake. There were a few tree stumps around that some had obviously used as seats. Ben could imagine his mother and father climbing here whenever they could to enjoy the view.
Ben and Michael stayed behind as his mother said her good-bye and opened the urn to allow the ashes to mix with the wind. She came up to her son stood on the tip of her toes to kiss Ben's forehead and thanked him for coming. she gave Michael a quick squeeze and started to walk back down the path. Michael gave Ben's hand a squeeze then let go.
"I'll see you in a little bit."
Ben's eyes followed Michael down the path until he was still in view but giving Ben privacy. He moved forward closer to the edge. He thought that the funeral itself would be the hardest part but it was only the beginning.
As more time went by, the more Ben realized what would never be. No more phone calls to make sure they were both all right, no more ice cream raids at three in the morning while his mother was asleep. There was only this, the final good-bye.
He could tell his dad that he forgave him but he felt there was nothing to forgive, each had made mistakes but with one final act, he felt closer to his father than he had in years. There was only one thing Ben felt needed to be said because no matter what, it could never be said enough.
"I love you."
Ben returned to the path and soon found himself by Michael's side. They embraced before taking the long walk back. Ben was no longer trapped by the past or what he perceived as failures and was ready to begin his future. He remembered a poster his roommate had that he always thought cliché and yet so true. It was of a brick wall with graffiti, "Every day is a new beginning, make the most of it."
Back at the cabin, his mother was grabbing her bags and placing them back in the car. It seemed as if she, too, had a weight lifted off of her with this one last gesture. Her eyes finally seemed to shine again, which he had missed these past few weeks as they approached.
"Sweetheart, I think I'm finally ready to go back. I love you so much and can't thank you enough for coming with me. I talked to Deb who was looking for Michael and told her where he was. I purchased two tickets for a bus back to Pittsburgh at the end of this month. That should give you enough time to get the porch done as well as get ready for school. Just don't let yourself get too distracted with you know what and no more damage in my kitchen. Michael feel free to keep my son in line."
Michael smiled at the idea and stifled a laugh since Ben was bigger than him. His mother finally finished with the packing and held Ben close to her.
"I think were both going to be okay, kid."
"How did you know and where do you get off setting me up."
"A mother has her ways."
With that final hug and kiss Ben and Michael watched as his mother drove away.
"What are we going to do?"
"We'll think of something, Ben." Michael playfully winked and then ran into the cabin with Ben close behind.
Ben was laying against the cool sheets listening to Michael in the shower. He played images of the first night the two had finally been together in every way possible.
They just barely managed to make it through the bedroom door as they grabbed for each others clothes. Ben pulled Michael's shirt over his head then pulled the smaller man against his chest. he placed his leg between Michael's and let him almost sit on his thigh. Michael was trying to undo the buttons on Ben's shirt as fast as he could and playfully licked at the exposed skin. They were finally able to have their chests in contact. Ben pulled Michael further up his hip so that he could taste his lips. Their kisses started off sweet but all too soon became all consuming. Ben felt Michael's hand drift between them down his abdomen to the fly of his pants. The teeth were slowly pried apart and Michael slipped his hand against Ben's rock hardness. His hand caressed Ben through his underwear as Ben pulled Michael the short distance to the bed. As he pushed Michael onto the mattress his hand slipped away and they lost all contact. Ben ran his hands down Michael's chest to the elastic band of his tight black shorts and underwear and pulled the fabric down the muscular legs. He wedged Michael's legs open and kneeled between them. He nipped at Michael's inner thigh then worked his tongue over the red areas to cool them. He slowly let his breath skim over Michael's bulge and then began to kiss and suck his testicles. He could remember how good it had felt when Michael had done these things to him and he hoped he was having the same effect. He finally took the tip of the erection into his mouth and began to slide it in and out of his mouth. Michael hands were gripped tightly into the sheets and his hips moved slightly to try increase the amount Ben had taken into his mouth.
Ben recalled his roommate and Chris's girlfriend bragging.
"It's just like swallowing it but it remains in your throat."
"What really feels good is when the woman hums while it's there."
Ben figured it was worth a try. He didn't want Michael to know that he was totally inexperienced in this area. He managed to deep throat him and began to hum. He knew Michael would eventually submit but he almost forgot to swallow when Michael finally did. He always thought when Chris's girlfriend talked about it how gross it was and yet he enjoyed the salty taste of Michael. He pulled himself up onto the bed besides Michael. His arm covered his eyes as his breathing gradually became normal. As Ben moved in for a kiss he could see Michael erection making a comeback. He was trying to remember what he should do next when Michael rolled them over so that they were both on their sides.
"Top or bottom?"
"Wh... what?"
"Top or bottom? Have you ever done this before?"
"No. Have you?"
Michael just shook his head no. "Do you trust me?"
"Always."
Michael moved Ben onto his back and placed a pillow under his hips.
"If this hurts or you want to stop, tell me okay."
Ben nodded his head and waited to see what Michael had in mind. It was less embarrassing for Ben to realize that this was Michael's first time too. He could remember when they were talking about how his Mother and Uncle told Michael that sex was always better when there were feelings behind it. Ben had never done it since it would mean admitting he was gay or at least bisexual.
He heard a flip lid being opened and looked over his shoulder to see Michael placing lube on his fingers. He placed one hand on Ben's buttocks and lightly massaged it as his fingers teased the hole. Ben hissed as the finger was pushed inside him. Michael stopped, waiting for Ben to do something. He gave Michael a nod and the finger rotated a half turn in each direction stretching his muscles.
As the pressure became enjoyable for Ben, Michael added another finger and then later a third finger. When Ben finally adjusted to the invasion, the finger pumped in and out and Ben began to push back on the digits trying to take more into him. He heard Michael tear open what he presumed a condom. When he looked back Michael had pulled a switch army knife out of Ben's pant pocket and cut off the tip and up the length of the condom. He unrolled the latex square and placed it over Ben's anus.
With his hands pulling apart Ben's ass cheeks, his tongue was able to follow the outer parts of his anus. Ben felt the tongue slowly press its way inside. He was fascinated by how long it was as it darted in and out of his ass. Ben tried to move his hand down to release some of the pressure when Michael placed his hand back above Ben's head. Ben felt himself being rolled onto his back as the pillows were repositioned under his head. Michael pulled out another condom packet and began to rip it open. Ben pulled the condom out of Michael's hand and began to apply it to Michael. The feel of Michael's cock in Ben hand almost made him come right there as he realized soon it would be penetrating him. He warmed some lube on his hand and rubbed it on Michael's dick eliciting a groan from both of them. Michael pulled Ben's legs over his shoulder and placed the tip of his penis at Ben's entrance. He slowly entered Ben and started to whisper how much he cared about Ben to keep him calm. Ben whimpered at the intrusion but kept eye contact with Michael, not wanting to miss anything.
Ben knew Michael knew more about this since his uncle, not to mention best friend, were both sexually active and gay so he waited to be directed by Michael. Soon his patience was rewarded as Michael used Ben's legs as leverage to pump in and out of Ben's tight passage. Their lips sought each other out as they tried to connect in every way possible. Just as Ben thought it could not get any better, Michael began to pump Ben's erection to the same rhythm until Ben final felt the hot liquid explode out and cover them both. They fell asleep in a heap of tangled limbs
Ben smiled at the memory and got up to join Michael in the shower. The two had come along way but he felt they would always be together no matter what the obstacles. They both recognized they wanted each other and neither would allow their fears or other forces to interfere. Ben pulled open the shower curtain and pulled Michael back against his body. Michael seemed to have this ageless beauty about him. No matter how his body would change over the years, his eyes pierced Ben's soul every time.
"I love this place. Then again, I love anywhere as long as I'm with you.
"Happy tenth anniversary, Baby."