What a glorious day! The sun was shining brightly, the birds were singing sweetly and I was deeply in love with the man of my dreams.
But there was another reason why I was feeling so happy--the small bundle nestled in Michael's arms, his new baby daughter Isabella.
I walk up behind Michael and wrap one arm around his waist, pulling him close. I cradle the baby with the other arm, resting it under Michael's. I gaze down at my new family lovingly, with tears filling my eyes.
I feel Michael press his body against mine. I tighten my grip around his waist as I let the tears fall. I stroke my finger softly down Isabella's cheek as I kiss the top of Michael's head.
Michael turns to me, brushing his lips oh-so-softly over mine. I look deeply into his soulful brown eyes and see the love shining in them.
"Say hi to Uncle Ben, Little One. He loves you very much," Michael coos as he puts Isabella in my arms.
"Hi there, Little One. I'm your Uncle Ben. I love you very much and I know your Daddy does too. I love your Daddy very much too but I think he already knows that." I smile, gazing down at the tiny bundle cradled in my arms.
Michael is standing behind me. I can feel his presence even though I don't turn around. I also know that he's either crying or just about to burst into tears.
"I promise you that whenever you need me, I'll be there for you. I may not be here forever but if I am, I'll always be there for you." I hug Isabella to my chest as I push the thoughts of my mortality from my mind.
I feel Michael wrap his arms tightly around my waist, holding me close to him. "I love you Ben and I love our life," he whispers.
"I love you and I love Bella." I whisper, giving the baby my new nickname for her.
"Bella means 'Beautiful One' doesn't it?" Michael asks as he takes Bella from my arms.
I nod as I watch him put the now sleeping Bella into the crib that he has put in the living room. He pulls me to him and clings to me tightly. "Talk to me Ben. Don't shut down on me," he whispers as his mouth covers mine.
We break away and look deeply into each other's eyes. "Please Ben, talk to me. You're scaring me," he pleads.
"Isabella is...was my Grandmother's name... I used to call her Bella. She died three years ago," I explain. "I never realized how much I wanted to be a father until I couldn't be one," I continue, hoping Michael would understand.
Michael nods as he listens to me vent. "You will be a part of her life, just like you're a part of mine."
I look out the window and see night has fallen. I press my hands against the cool glass. "But it's not the same--I'm not her father--You are," I say stubbornly.
"Why does it matter? You love her and that's all that counts."
I shake my head and say nothing. There's no way Michael could understand. He has Bella--I wish it could be me. I'd give my heart and soul to have a child. But I guess I have to settle for being 'Uncle Ben'--It's better than nothing I guess.
"Come on...let's go to bed while she's sleeping," Michael says as he takes my hand and pulls me towards the bedroom.
I nod and follow him. Maybe I do have a reason to keep fighting--the love of a good man and the chance to watch his baby daughter grow up. Maybe living in the now is worth it.
I lay down beside Michael and feel him rest his head on my shoulder as he wraps his arms loosely around me. I fall asleep, secure in the knowledge that I am loved by the two people who mean more to me than I could ever say...
And that makes me the happiest man alive...