What if Michael had died in the bombing? This takes place a year later, and it is Ben writing to Michael, telling him what he missed. [Archiver's note: This story contains no actual death scenes.]
[PG - 4Kb - Posted 04/26/2007]
My sweetheart, I can't believe that it's been a year since I lost you. I am writing you this letter to tell you what you've missed.
Wow, were do I begin? Um well, our mother and Carl painted the living room. I guess he won out on that. She is starting to recover from losing her baby boy. She visited you every Sunday and put flowers on your grave. She is finally dealing with it and able to talk about it.
Brian moved to New York about four months ago. He didn't give a reason, although I think that it's because Pittsburgh reminds him of you -- too many memories. But you know Brian. He won't tell you what he is feeling. He called the other day. He's opening another ad agency. I really hope he does well.
Justin is still painting in California. He's doing really well. This Christmas he gave me a painting for you. It's the one where your hair is windblown and you're smiling. I love that picture. It's my favorite so it's hanging in our living room.
Emmett is back to party planning. He's booked for like six months at least. He and Drew are doing great. Like everyone, Emmett misses you.
Ted is Ted. He's running Brian's business. He won't talk about you. It's almost as if you didn't exist. I don't blame him. He doesn't want to admit you're gone.
Mel and Lindz are still in Canada, doing great. They sent my a picture, the other day, of JR. Poor thing, she looks just like you. I am kidding, but she really does have you eyes and little nose.
Hunter is doing very well in college. He and Callie moved in together which leaves me all alone in this house. Still, I am really happy for him. He comes by every Saturday and talks to you. He probably complains about me. Though he doesn't say it, I think he regrets not being able to say goodbye. But you loved him, and he knows that.
I guess that leaves me. Well, I turned down that job in London. I guess I can't leave you, but don't worry. The university gave me a raise, so I am fine.
I am beginning to stop having those nightmares. For the longest time, all I saw when I closed my eyes was you slumped up against the wall. God, I remember that night. Even though I try so hard to forget it, I can't. I remember the smell, the flashing blue eyes of the people trying to help...
Michael, I tried to get help, but by the time I did, you were already gone. I didn't get to say goodbye. The last thing that you said to me still echoes in my mind: "Don't leave me, Ben."
I did. I am sorry, Michael. You shouldn't have died alone against that wall. I am sorry.
It's been a year, but I still can't move on. My mother says that I should date, but I can't. I still feel married to you. I can't even bring myself to take off our wedding ring. I just feel naked, like a piece of myself is gone when I'm not wearing it.
Michael, I miss you beyond words. I don't feel like a whole. A part of me is missing. I don't think that I will ever be the same or be able to move. I lost you -- my husband, best friend and lover. I don't think that it's fair that you died and not me. I was the one that was supposed to die. Not you... me.
I love you, Michael. I always have and I always will... I love you, Michael... I love you.
Your husband,
Ben
End of "Goodbye, My Love" by Brucknerfan1985 (Jensenfan1985@yahoo.com)