If You Can Hear Me...

by Jannine

If you can hear me, I really need your help.

My husband was injured in a bomb blast at Babylon last night.

He was there, at Babylon, because he cares about other people. He's a good person.

He's had a lot of shit to deal with in his life, and there is no one on this planet that deserved this less than Michael. I really question how this universe of ours works...

You create a guy who is a tough kid; he's made different to most kids but he doesn't seem to mind. He's got a mother that loves him to death but he grows up without a dad. He has good family around him but he was never sure where exactly he fitted in within society.

He had a best friend but even that relationship was fraught with ups and downs; his friend was created in the same mould -- a mould that wasn't recognised, not accepted. It made life tough.

I know you do your best, you make decisions that the rest of us can't bear to make -- you take our lives into your own hands and you make a pathway for us and don't ask anything in return other than for us to believe. Well I want to believe, I really do...

My heart aches when I think of him lying there; black and bruised and scarred, broken and frightened and bleeding... How can I believe, when I feel so bleak, so exposed, and so bare? I feel empty inside, like a part of me has been ripped from the bone.

I was presented with a spirit, a vital essence that entered my heart -- a force that became a part of my soul and now it looks like that spirit is being taken from me and I can't bear to think of that. I would do anything to be lying in that bed right now, to take his place, to feel his pain. My heart is overwhelmed, I can barely breathe. The love I feel for that man is beyond any utterance I can relay to you right at this moment.

Michael has a passion inside him that is so infectious; you ask any one of his friends... they will all tell you. He is the heart, he is the centre of the world that revolves around his core group of friends; he bonds them in an unimaginable way -- like an invisible shield that's always there and you just feel safe knowing it.

If you can hear me, I need you to know that he's an amazing person. He's kind, compassionate, loving, caring, funny and silly... He makes me laugh, oh how he makes me laugh... and his sense of honour -- man, there is no other human-being on this planet who has more honour than this guy. Our son, Hunter, his face used to light up when Michael walked into a room -- I knew that Hunter dreamed of becoming just like him and what an awesome challenge that would be... and so deserving.

I don't want to plead for my own sake; I won't ask for the strength or courage to get me through this... if I can sense a glimmer of hope that Michael will make it through this, I know I can bring him the rest of the way; you can entrust that deed to me -- I won't let you down. I ask you to do your part and I make a vow right now that I'll do anything in my power to make sure your work does not dissipate in vain. I will encourage him every hour of the day to be the man I know he can be, the man that he truly is. You won't ever regret giving him the honour of life.

I can smell him; I can sense him... I need to be able to touch him, feel him. I can't bear to think of a life without him... a senseless, mindless, hateful act that did nothing but harm good people -- where is the justice in that? It makes me so damn angry, I want to scream and yell and cry out at the top of my lungs but I know it won't change anything... that's why I sit here, quietly with my own thoughts... hoping you will hear...

If you're listening, please think of him. Please think of his son, his baby girl... his mother -- he is so blessed to have them in his life but more importantly, they are truly blessed to have been touched by him in this life. He has an energy about him, a gift of picking someone up -- always ready with a smile, a joke, a silly prank -- whatever it takes to pull you out of a funk, you couldn't ask for a better friend.

You know, you gave me something difficult to deal with and I think I've handled it pretty well so far... with the exception of a few hiccups along the way but I have tried my best to take this illness in my stride and I opened up my heart to this man; I allowed him to love me and more than that, I let myself love him and even though that was the easiest part of this whole equation, it was also the most difficult. I couldn't bear to think of him becoming sick, it used to keep me awake at night, it used to make my mind blurry and it used to make my heart ache but each and every time I relayed those fears to Michael, he would always -- without hesitation -- always allay my fears and reassure me that he was exactly where he wanted to be, where he needed to be, with me...

So while I am most grateful for you for giving me the gift of that love, I beg of you to not take that from me -- not in this lifetime. He has so much to offer, he has a heart that knows no bounds -- he is the light that shines within others and he's the person that we all turn to in times like these... he's our saviour, our nurturer -- he's the one who keeps us grounded, keeps us intact with our emotions, our feelings. I'm not sure the rest of us can manage this road without him.

So if you can hear me, please give this some thought. I love Michael with all that I am and I'm not asking you to spare him for my sake, I'm asking for his sake... He needs to know that he's worth this, he needs to know that what he believes in means something; he needs to know that good people win out sometimes and he needs to believe that the people who caused this... well we won't go there... but he needs, deserves, to know that a person who is as pure of heart as he is, will not go unseen, unheard...

If you can hear me, please let Michael come back to me...

"Ben? Ben honey.... He's awake -- he's out of surgery. He's in recovery!"

Ben sunk to his knees and the tears sprang from his eyes and burned a trail down his tired face.

He felt Debbie's hand on his shoulder and he rose to his feet shakily.

"Honey, I'm not sure if you had anything to do with this, but it's a miracle and I think he's back with us."

Ben embraced Debbie and he just sobbed. He had been alone with his own thoughts for almost 2 hours, trying to piece together a semblance of what Michael was, of who he was, of what he meant. He could never convey those thoughts out loud but it appeared someone was listening...

They left the hospital chapel and made their way up to the recovery suite.

As Ben peered through the windows into the ICU ward and felt his heart thump with agony, he closed his eyes, 'if you can hear me... thank you...'