Spiritual Guide

Jannine

Michael passed by the door again, for the seventh time. This time his feet were slow to move; maybe it was a sign for him to go in. He reached for the cold metal handle of the darkened door and gave a slight push; the heavy door barely budged. Maybe this was another sign that he shouldn't go in.

He was being ridiculous; he had been agonising over passing through that door for twenty minutes now, even though he was 100% sure he was going in. The warm sun glinted on the glass pane and Michael caught a glimpse of his image. Through his sunglasses he could still see the self-imposed pressure that laced his face. He took a deep breath and yanked hard on the stubborn door. He stepped inside cautiously.

Michael had never been inside this building before but had heard many stories about it. He looked around; dark mahogany drapes adorned the windows. The door he had stepped through held a mural on the inside -- filled with mysterious etchings and markings. The lights were dim but peaceful and welcoming. He spied the staircase that he knew he had to go up. He walked tentatively toward it. His heart was racing; he was nervous, not worried.

He took the stairs two at a time and reached the top platform. There was an open waiting area which held a comfortable settee and a coffee table adorned with magazines. He sat, perched on the edge of the sofa. He picked up a magazine and thumbed through it clumsily, not even knowing what the magazine was. He heard a voice in the distance and immediately he put the magazine down and felt his heartbeat quicken.

A woman appeared a few moments later; she was tall, slender and pretty. She smiled warmly and said "Mr Novotny?"

Michael stood up, wiping his sweaty palms against his blue jeans. He smiled and said "Yes, Michael."

"Hello Michael. My name is Corinne. Tanesha will be ready for you in a moment. Is this your first time here?"

"Yes, yes it is. I'm a little nervous."

Corinne smiled, "That's perfectly normal, everyone is nervous their first time. Just relax and enjoy the experience."

Michael nodded, although this experience wasn't something he thought he might enjoy. He followed Corinne down the hallway and she stopped outside an oval archway. She stepped through and said "Tanesha, Michael Novotny is here."

"Show him in Corinne. Thank you."

Michael went through and then Corinne disappeared down the hallway. When his eyes adjusted to the dim lights, he saw the woman he knew to be Tanesha on the other side of the room. She was sitting in an armchair; dressed colourfully in flowing robes and with hair like spun silk. Michael smiled. When she returned the smile he immediately felt at ease. She had a kind, serene smile and he knew he didn't need to be scared.

Tanesha offered Michael the chair opposite her and he sat down. She reached across and took his hand in hers. Michael hoped his sweatiness had dissipated. The woman closed her eyes and just held his hand for a few long moments. Michael struggled with the premise of speaking, asking questions, or just sitting there and letting Tanesha do 'her thing'. He opted not to speak.

In a low tone Tanesha said "Michael, just relax. There is nothing to be afraid of. I am only here to guide you; to share with you. I cannot make things happen, I can only inform you of what I see, what I feel. What you do with the information is entirely up to you. I just need you to relax and remain open."

Michael nodded, shifting his body weight to get more comfortable. Her hand felt lighter on his. He felt warmth emanating from within; was it from the heating of the building, or was Tanesha passing energy to him. That is what people had told him, not in so many words, but he realised this is what they had meant.

Tanesha's fingers curled around Michael's wrist lightly and she said "Michael, you have many questions surrounding you... I feel your uncertainty. You need to realise you are strong enough to face these hurdles; you can embrace these obstacles and you can, will, overcome them.... I see your life force... he's standing with you -- not behind you or in front of you, but with you, beside you. That should be a very comforting thought for you. You are loved and he wants you to know that, feel that. [A smile came to Michael's face.] You have the power Michael, the power to face your reality. You know it will be a struggle but you also know you have many loving hands around you, to help you, guide you."

Michael had heard about Madam Tanesha, Spiritual Guide, from many people over the past years. He had always wanted to visit her but something always held him back. Some weeks ago, when Ben had gotten out of the hospital after falling ill, he resolved to make an appointment with the guide. He didn't so much need to know what the future held for him and Ben; he just needed to know there was a future. He hadn't told Ben about the appointment, he wasn't sure how Ben would react. Depending on what he learned, he would decide whether or not to share this with him.

"Michael, he understands. Your light is not hiding anything from him. He trusts you implicitly and he forgives a time in your past where that trust was doubted. I see his hands on your shoulders; he wants you to feel comforted in the knowledge that he's there for you, that he'll always be there for you. He knows you have doubts; he has them too -- but he chooses not to live in doubt and what ifs, he chooses to live for today, for the here and now."

Michael almost did a flip in his chair! 'The here and now' -- yes, he always says that! He tried to contain his excitement, not wanting to let on just how spot-on Tanesha was.

"Michael, I get another force coming through... a much different sense, one that is not happy for your soul. There was a time -- not so long ago -- that you doubted yourself; you doubted who you were as a person. The image I see around you is bigger, it's dominating, and it's overshadowing you. This image has gone from your life but somewhere deep down it still haunts you to some degree. You need to let go of that; you need to get past that hurt. You will strive forward and make great inroads in your new partnering when you truly forgive the past and let it leave you. I sense that you felt huge guilt over the past situation but I am here to tell you that it wasn't your fault... It actually wasn't anyone's fault... it just was. It was meant to pan out the way it did; all things happen for a reason Michael, a reason we may not ever learn, but there is always a reason."

Michael nodded, trying to understand what the guide was telling him. He knew immediately she was referring to David, his ex-lover. He had always felt in David's shadow and he did doubt himself. He didn't like the person he had become and his friends, Brian in particular, had made many references to his personal change; something he wasn't willing to admit at the time. It seemed remarkable to Michael that Tanesha had pinpointed the sense that the situation still haunted him; because just a few days ago he had found himself thinking about what happened with David and he had worried himself into a state of panic, wondering if things would go down a similar path with Ben. Would he be enough for Ben; would Ben love him enough. Was he good enough for Ben? He was happy to hear that it was no-one's fault, it just was. Maybe he needed to put that chapter of his life behind him and concentrate on the here and now.

"There is another being with this overshadowing sense, a smaller being... I feel a blood connection -- I'm assuming a child. He loved you, admired you and was bitterly torn when you were taken from him. As hard as it is Michael, you need to leave that being in your past. Sadly, he belongs in the past... you can't go back, you must move forward. He will live a life without you, he will often think of you but he will exist without you. The energies you shared with the smaller being are being saved for a greater force; another child... perhaps more than one. I see an older child... a troubled child... a painful soul with much to give. I also feel a gentle presence, like a small flower. Dainty, fragile, vulnerable. I think she is going to be a fighter!"

Michael had no idea who these two 'beings' were but he tucked the information away in his mind; perhaps it would all make sense some day. The smaller being earlier, the blood connection was undoubtedly Hank, David's son. He and Hank had shared a very special bond, a good friendship built on trust and respect but that of course all changed when he and David split. They kept in touch for a time but it became too hard to maintain; it was painful for all concerned. It had hurt him to walk away from Hank but he thought it would be best in the long run. He was happy to hear some kind of confirmation of that. Glad to know that Hank would be fine without him.

Michael was dying to ask questions, but so far Tanesha was providing him with detailed messages; messages that made sense, for the most part -- so he kept quiet.

"Michael, there is a sense around you that takes away from your own self-worth. This sense is trying to... not run your life exactly... but more, well, okay, it's a she... she tries to make you see things her way. You need to fight the urge to listen to that person; you are your own person and you will make the right decisions; those around you may not always agree, but they are your decisions to make. Just keep that in mind when you have second thoughts about serious decisions; know in your heart you will always make the best decision for you."

Michael could only read his mother into that last reading. It had to be her. She wasn't keen on him seeing Ben because of his HIV status and she had made it abundantly clear to him that she didn't agree with his choice. He had listened to those around him initially and it proved quite costly and quite painful to both Michael and Ben when he decided to stop seeing him; but his heart led him back to Ben and Michael took that as a sign that he needed to do what was right for him. He was positive that Tanesha was referring to his mother's stance on that issue.

"I'm getting an illness Michael... serious... but not something that can't be overcome... No, there is no cure... but with love, understanding and a full heart, you will learn to live with this situation. Does that make sense to you? It's very unclear... I can't get more than that."

Michael nodded and for the first time he spoke, "It makes sense."

Tanesha opened her eyes and for a brief moment she looked into Michael's eyes and she saw a wistful look that spoke volumes. She continued.

"You have a lot of people around you who care deeply for you and for what is to come in your life. You will always have great love around you, from those who are here now and from those who are still to enter your life. I see you enriched with much love and devotion and although there are times ahead that will cause you heartache and sorrow, just know there are more times ahead that will bring you much joy and much, much more. Your future looks wonderful Michael. I don't say that lightly... I don't say that to be clichéd or flippant -- I want you to know that your path ahead is paved with many wonderful things; some may not seem all that wonderful in the beginning -- you may even resent certain situations that will undoubtedly cause you great pain, but you will overcome these hard times and you will be enriched by them."

Michael smiled. He heard what he had come to hear. His future was paved with wonderful times; he was going to be happy. He never once believed that his future would be all smiles and good times only; he didn't believe that was true for anyone let alone for him.

Tanesha's grip tightened on his forearm; her other hand came in and took his hand gently. "Michael, you have a full heart, a kind heart. Learn to use your wisdom; learn to listen to your head as well as your heart. You are more gifted and more able to teach than you give yourself credit for. There will come a time when you need to step up and be heard... believe in what you have to offer, in what you have to say... it will make a difference."

Tanesha's hands began to twitch and tremor slightly. Michael felt a tingle up his arm. His hairs stood up and he felt a cold shiver down his spine.

"Michael, I see something that I'm not sure you want or need to hear... but I feel a connection with you, a strong connection with you. I feel able to share this and I know I have shared much with you already... I know your silence has meant a great depth to the telling of your senses... I don't want to break that depth. Michael I see a situation that perhaps has already been created in your world, or it is yet to come... but you will handle it. It will seem impossible at first but you will come to learn that it's okay, that you will get through it. You have a strong presence around you... but it's not necessarily a good presence. It has been with you a long time but I feel a strained aura... That could mean that this presence is not always there for you at the right time or that it should be there... I'm not quite getting a handle on it... only to say that you need to be careful around this being... It's a he... he's coming through loud and clear and he wants to be heard... he's quite arrogant actually, almost forceful. I want to tell you to be careful... it's not a dangerous situation, at least not physically, but emotionally it could be dangerous for you. You have invested a lot of emotion into this being and this is dangerous, for you. I hope that makes sense for you."

Michael sighed and he felt his head spin. She had to be talking about Brian... who else could be described as arrogant, almost forceful. Who else had he invested a lot of his emotion in and found out every single time that it was bad for him. He knew, he had known, for years, that his feelings for Brian would never lead to anything more than friendship and although their friendship was a good one, Michael always felt that it was wrong somehow. He wondered what the future held for him and his closest friend.

"There will be a time where this arrogance will get the better of him; he will have you there to pick up the pieces but that will not always be the case. I see a lot of heat around you both, this represents anger and turmoil but it also represents passion. You may see a situation from different sides and that will take a toll on your relationship but as I said already, things happen for a reason. Just go with your head Michael. I see him in pain also, a physical pain... but again, you will be there to comfort and guide him. Just don't fall into old patterns..."

Just then Tanesha's hands let go of Michael and he watched on as she physically sank back into her chair. She looked exhausted. Michael gave her a few moments to compose herself and said quietly "That was amazing... It all made so much sense... I can't believe how accurate you were."

Tanesha smiled "I just tell what I see Michael... it's a gift -- not always a good one, but it's there and I enjoy sharing it. I enjoy guiding people through their emotions and letting people know that if they just remain open to all things, good or bad, that they will always make decisions that are right for them. If they make a mistake, that's fine too -- they're their mistakes to make and somehow we always benefit from our mistakes. I'm glad you found it enlightening... Oh, hang on... there is one last sighting... In your near future you are going to be made aware of an awkward situation... it involves your life force and someone else... I see arrogance again... so perhaps something will happen between these two people but again, Michael, you will learn from it and you will rise above it. It will test you, but it will be fine."

Michael just nodded; whatever it meant he was glad to hear that it was going to work out okay.

Tanesha stood up and slowly she moved toward the door. Michael stood up and said "Um, do I make payment to you or do I...."

Tanesha stopped by the door and said softly "There is no charge Michael. As I said, what I have is a gift and I enjoy sharing it. I do not accept money from people just to tell them what I see around them, within them. My payment is for you to leave here and live your life to your fullest capacity."

Michael smiled, "Well can I just say you're an amazing person and the gift you have is rare and I am in awe of what you do."

"Thank you Michael... Oh, you have a visitor."

Tanesha disappeared through the door and down the hallway.

A visitor! What did she mean?

Michael found his way back to the staircase and went down to the lower level. Corinne was nowhere to be seen. He took one last look around and then opened the door and to his great surprise, Ben was standing there.

Michael gasped, almost in shock at seeing his boyfriend standing there. "B... Ben... what the... How did you... Why are you here?"

Ben smiled and greeted his lover with a soft kiss and said "I read the address on the pad by the phone and I assumed you were shopping down here... I decided to come down and offer you a ride home. What is this place?"

Michael smiled and said "Oh, you have no idea! We have a lot to talk about on the way home."