Hunter felt his stomach hit the floor. It had been well over a year since anyone had recognised him from his prior life and he had worked really hard to put that crap behind him.
Life in the Novotny-Bruckner household had become so serene, that looking in, one might consider that something 'big' was about to happen. After all, since when did things ever go quite so smoothly for this blended family unit.
Michael's injuries had healed completely and he was back to his usual jovial, if somewhat exuberant self – making light of the bombing and his subsequent 'near miss'. Ben had worried about Michael's complacency but after much counselling, it became clear that Michael had just chosen a different route, to tackle life head-on, stare at adversity in the eye and say 'stuff it'! He wasn't about to let 'the bastards win' and so he had chosen to live his life to the fullest.
Ben had become very active in the Prop 14 fight and he was lecturing students outside of his normal classes on what they could do to help in the fight. He had become very vocal in the legal processes of gay adoption rights since he and Michael had had such a struggle with their own adoption of Hunter. Ben thrived on being able to use his voice in order to help other gay couples and trying to prevent legislation being passed. He was so blissfully happy in his own marriage and at the prospect of having become Hunter's legal parent, that he felt it his duty to pave that heavy road for others, making it somehow easier if he was able.
Hunter was still working part-time and had settled back in at home. He was doing well at school and he had made some good friends. He had been seeing a young lady and was becoming serious about her, which pleased his dads to no end. She was aware of his HIV status and she was very aware of the issues associated with the illness. It was still early days in their foundling relationship but Hunter was overjoyed at having someone to talk to, someone who understood him and didn't judge him or think him weird. Beccy was so cool with him having '2 dads' and she herself was from a broken home so she knew all the pitfalls of being 'different' to the norm, whatever that was.
Over breakfast Michael reminded Hunter, "You remember we're going to my mom's for dinner tonight, right?"
Hunter toyed with his father, "Ohhh, is that tonight? I made other plans."
Ben saw the cheeky look in Hunter's eyes and knew he was just ribbing Michael.
"Very funny, smartass! She's expecting us at 7.00 sharp; she's dying to meet Beccy."
The fun continued, "Ohhh, was I supposed to invite her?"
Michael slapped 2 pancakes onto Hunter's plate and said waving the spatula in Hunter's face "Listen young man, if you're late and if you don't have Beccy with you, you will never hear the end of it – from my mother, or me! Do we understand each other?"
"Do you mean she might actually slap me upside my head? Geez, then I really will know I'm part of the family."
Michael just laughed heartily, "You better believe it kiddo!"
Ben joined in the fun "She's always threatening to hit me, but I haven't been blessed thus far… so I guess she doesn't love me as much as I thought… Woe is me."
"Oh she loves you, she just doesn't think of you as the roughing up type honey! You're more of a pretty boy type!"
Both Hunter and Michael burst into spontaneous laughter.
Ben sneered, "Oh very funny! Hey, I'll have you know that I can get down and dirty as good as the next guy!"
"Of course you can, dear." Michael patted Ben's hand daintily.
Hunter snorted into his orange juice which made Michael laugh even harder. Ben pulled a face at his son and stated "Well I happen to think that Deb just knows that I'm a good listener and that I don't need her lessons 'smacked' into me, unlike some people!"
He shot a look at Michael. Michael rolled his eyes "Yeah well, I've been ignoring her for the last 36 years so I guess she should know by now that the 'smacking in' part doesn't really work… but I look at it more like a comfort thing… a motherly thing she does, to show she cares."
Hunter blurted out "Yeah, and Carl thinks it's a form of child abuse!"
Laughter sprang from all 3 men and then Ben got serious, "Okay men… enough frivolity. We have to get this show on the road. Michael, we will meet at the store at 6.30 and we'll all go together. Does that work for everyone?"
Hunter pushed his luck, "Yeah, I'll see if I can make it."
Ben cocked his head at Hunter and said "Please don't… he'll be a nervous wreck all day! He's worried enough as it is."
Hunter questioned, "Why is that? It's not like we haven't had dinner with your mom before?"
Michael sighed heavily, "That's true… but this is the first time you're bringing a 'friend' and I just really want you to be able to enjoy the experience… and not run from the house screaming and threatening never to go back."
Hunter smiled "Well thanks for the concern dude, but really… I know your mom – I've told Bec all about her and she knows what to expect. Besides, Bec went into the diner once looking for me and she was full of stories about the drag queen serving behind the counter and you should have seen the look on her face when I explained that that was 'grandma'!"
Ben almost choked on the last of his coffee at the situation Hunter described.
Michael crossed his arms across his chest and said sarcastically, "Well just be grateful she hasn't met my father yet!!"
Ben had headed off to Uni and Hunter rode his bike to school as Michael headed for his store.
Michael filtered a few phone calls between serving customers and then was pleasantly surprised when Ted came in.
"Hey Teddy!" He kissed his good friend hello.
"Hi Michael. I was down the block and I thought I'd take the chance on you being here!"
"And where else would I be? No Blake?"
"He's actually away for a couple of days. He'll be back Sunday night."
"You must be missing him."
"Like crazy… How have you been?"
"Good… better than good. This place is really jumping; I have the all-clear from the doctors, no most tests! Ben is great, fighting fit and fighting every known cause of the gay community. Hunter is happily playing our child, pushing us and making us laugh. Life is good Teddy."
"That's great Michael, really. And what about our illustrious friend, Mr Kinney?"
"Oh you know Brian… he hasn't said much since the Boy Wonder left town but he puts on a brave face. I know he's out clubbing most nights so I can only guess he's still searching for Mr Right."
Ted scoffed at the thought of Brian actually looking for a guy to settle down with. "Well at least Mr Right Now. Have you spoken with Justin?"
"We talk weekly, mostly about ideas for Rage. Most of our communication is done through emails and faxes. He has thrown himself into his art and he really loves his new life. He hasn't said it, but I know he misses Brian a lot."
Ted nodded. "So, any special plans for the weekend?"
"Not really. We're all going to my mom's for dinner tonight… Hunter is bringing his girlfriend Beccy… so please pray that my mother is on her best behaviour!"
Ted laughed "Oh poor Hunter. Although, I think your mother has mellowed quite a bit since becoming 'Mrs Horvath', it must be Carl's influence."
"Yeah, you could be right, although I haven't seen much of the mellow side that you're talking about. "
"Well she reserves it for those of us who need to believe it… she realises you will never see that side of her no matter what, so she doesn't waste it on you!"
Michael gestured that Ted was full of shit by one look on his face. Ted, "Okay, seriously… Deb loves Hunter and she adores Ben and as a family unit you make her so proud and so thankful that she shows her softer side when needed… even you must believe that."
The afternoon dragged and Michael began clearing up around 6.00. He knew Ben wouldn't be too long and he just hoped that Hunter wouldn't be too far behind; all joking aside he knew Hunter wouldn't purposefully be late.
A little while later a guy came into the store and Michael hoped he wasn't a 'long browser – non purchaser type'… the kind that wanted to pick up every book and flick through it and take an hour and then not make a decision or purchase anything. He wanted to close up as soon as Ben arrived.
He smiled casually in the guy's direction to let him know that he was available for assistance if needed. He didn't appear like Michael's usual clientele. He was older, more professional looking somehow. Perhaps he was there to pick up something for a son, a nephew, Michael supposed.
A few minutes later Michael looked up happily to see his hunky husband saunter through the door. A quick glance at his Batman clock on the wall showed him that Ben was on time, of course, and now they were only waiting on Hunter.
Ben leaned over the counter separating him from his beloved and planted a gentle hello kiss on Michael's lips. "Hey you. Busy day?"
Michael motioned to the guy who was still browsing and said "It has been pretty steady. I was hoping to close up earlier." He had said it just loud enough for the guy to hear, if he had been paying attention. Obviously he hadn't been.
Ben winked at Michael and smiled. He said "Well let's hope Hunter gets here soon and we can all get out of here." He too had spoken up loud enough for the guy to hear, again, no reaction.
"What about you Professor, how was your day?"
"Great. The kids were really into a lecture I gave and I had at least half of them holding back at the end of class and wanting more information and advice, so that was very cool. It makes it all worthwhile when I know they're actually into what I'm teaching them."
Michael smiled and nodded enthusiastically. He actually wondered how any of Ben's students ever concentrated on what Ben was talking about; he knew he wouldn't be able to if he had to sit and look at Ben for like an hour.
The guy finally approached the counter with a small stack of comic books and didn't seem perturbed by the 'well it's about time' look on the proprietor's face. Ben stood aside so Michael could serve him.
Just then Hunter happily waltzed in the door. Ben smiled "Hey pal!"
"Hey dudes! Are we ready or what?"
Michael motioned to the guy that he was serving and said "I won't be a minute."
Ben enquired "Where's Beccy?"
"She's outside having a smoke, she's nervous as hell."
Ben "Oh, there is no need… it's just a casual family dinner. Do you want me to go and talk to her?"
"Nah, she'll come in when she's ready… besides she hates that Michael rags on her about smoking."
Ben laughed "Yah, I hear you."
Just then the guy turned to leave with his purchases and he spotted Hunter. He looked closely at Hunter, almost as though he recognised him. Hunter just looked at him. Ben had gone to have a quiet word to Michael about Beccy being nervous.
The guy went to leave then turned back; he checked Hunter out again and then said "It is you! I remember you…"
Hunter "I don't think so man."
"Yeah… I'm positive. Back of the bowling alley… you were all over me! You were a sweet ride!"
Hunter felt his stomach hit the floor. It had been well over a year since anyone had recognised him from his prior life and he had worked really hard to put that crap behind him.
He wasn't sure how to react, to ignore the guy or what. When he didn't get a reaction, the guy pressed him further, "So gorgeous… you wanna get out of here, fool around, and re-live old times? Is it still 2 bills for everything?" The lascivious smile on his face made Hunter's mouth fill with bile.
Michael almost jumped the counter and Ben was already on the guy before he knew what hit him. Ben grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and had him up against the door; "What the fuck did you just say?"
The guy could barely breathe let alone speak. Hunter was shaking, more because of Ben's reaction than anything. Michael was pulling at Ben's arm to make him let go of the guy. "Ben, he's not worth it… Just walk away."
"Not until this filthy piece of scum apologises for what he said!"
The guy managed to find a voice, albeit a choked-up scratchy one; "Hey man, I know him… I was just saying hello!"
Ben hissed angrily into his face "I heard what you said you sick pervert! If you EVER show your ugly ass face around here again, it'll be the last thing you do asshole. DO we understand each other?"
Ben smacked his head against the glass door for extra emphasis; not that the guy doubted that Ben was serious in his threat. Ben pulled him off the door, opened it and shoved him through it and spat at him with venom "Just get the fuck out of here!"
The guy was gone, scattering his comic books in the street behind him. Beccy was standing on the kerb looking stunned. When Ben realised it was her, he sighed and hung his head down, hating that she had had to witness that display. Ben couldn't find the words to say to her to make it seem okay. She brushed past Ben and went into the store. Hunter was white and he was in a squat position behind the counter, he had been crying.
She went to him and knelt down. "What's going on here Hunter?"
Hunter wiped his eyes and threw his head back, coming into contact with the shelf behind him; "Fuck!"
She touched his head where he had banged it and then Michael came over. "Are you okay Hunter?"
Hunter looked up at him and Michael saw the terror in his eyes; he knew this was Hunter's worse nightmare come true.
Ben appeared behind Michael and he said softly "I'm sorry pal."
Hunter got up and he grabbed his bag off the floor. Beccy grabbed his hand "Hunter, please… talk to me."
Hunter bit his bottom lip and wanted desperately to stem the flow of newly forming tears, but to no avail. He ran for the door and said "I have to get out of here!"
Beccy tried to go after him but Ben reached out and stopped her. Michael said "I'll go."
So Michael took off on foot in search of his son.
Ben got Beccy some water and they sat in the office out back and Ben explained to Beccy what happened. Hunter had confided in her from the beginning about his past life because he understood that things like that had a way of coming out as he had well experienced in the past; he wanted to be upfront with Beccy and knowing how Hunter had contracted HIV was just part of the puzzle for her. To learn of the abuse at his mother's hand and to learn how Hunter had suffered and had had to survive, it made her just love him all the more. She considered Hunter one of the most genuine, brave and sensitive guys she had ever met. Nothing he could tell her could make her think less of him. First and foremost they were friends, they would always be friends.
It was some 40 minutes later that Michael returned to the store with a tear-stained Hunter in tow. Ben just looked hopefully at his pale son and hoped to see a glimmer of the kid that he knew he had become; the Hunter that had put all this crap behind him. He didn't see him.
Michael said quietly "I should ring my mother; Beccy, we'll take you home."
She nodded and smiled weakly. She went to Hunter.
Michael phoned his mother and Ben sat on the stool behind the counter.
"Hunter, you didn't have to take off like that… we all understand how hard that was for you; we could have helped you."
Beccy wasn't prepared for his angry response; "How can you possibly understand how hard that was? You have no fucking idea Bec. None! I had sleazy pricks like him lined up around the block wanting me; they all used me and they all abused me… it will never be over, never! There is always gonna be some fucking john like him who is gonna see me and think he can get what he wants! I'm only ever gonna be a whore to them!"
If Beccy had been unprepared for his angry outburst, he certainly was no less prepared for her retaliation; "You listen to me Hunter; that is not who you are! You were that person, a lifetime ago! You did what you had to do. We all have pasts and we all have futures, it's up to us how we deal with them. We can hide in the past and let it consume us or we can choose to step out from that dark place and we can embrace the future! The choice is yours Hunter."
Ben had tears in his eyes, deeply moved and touched by Beccy's insight and plea to Hunter.
Michael had gotten off the phone from his mother. She had been very upset to hear what had had happened and she understood they had to cancel. Hunter was more important than her pasta that was already too dry to enjoy.
Ben went around in front of the counter and said to Hunter "She's right pal; it can only affect you if you let it. You don't need idiots like him to validate who you are as a person; you know who you are… he means nothing in this equation, zilch!"
Hunter lashed out again, "Then why the hell were you so bent out of shape, huh? If he means nothing, if he doesn't validate who I am… then why did you wanna rip his fucking head off; why were you prepared to rip him a new one? I know why! You are so ashamed of me, that's why, that's the truth!"
Ben couldn't believe what he was hearing. Michael stepped forward to calm the situation. "Hunter, its okay, just calm down."
Ben "No… Michael… let him say what he has to. This is about him."
Hunter looked at Ben through steely blue eyes that were now narrow with anger; "I saw the look on your face; you were so fucking angry – you wanted to kill that guy. I've only ever seen you angry like that once before…"
Ben waited for him to finish and when he didn't, he said "Yeah, and when was that? Under what circumstances did you see me get violent and enraged Hunter?"
Hunter swiped at stinging tears and said softly "When Michael was hurt and that prick talked about him like he was nothing!"
Tears spilled from Ben's eyes and he said softly, taking a few tentative steps towards his son, "The exact same thing just happened here Hunter. I lost it because some piece of shit was hurting someone I loved and making him feel like he was nothing! I am not ashamed of you Hunter, I never have been and I never will be."
Hunter looked at Ben for a very long silent moment and then went to him. He threw his arms around Ben's strong neck and said "I'm sorry… I didn't think…."
Ben closed his eyes and encircled his son's lean body with his arms and comforted the crying adolescent. "It's okay… I wasn't thinking either; I just heard what he said and I flew into a rage – I probably would have hit him… or worse… if Michael wasn't pulling at me to try and get me off him. I'm sorry I let my anger get the better of me."
Hunter hugged him tight and said "I'm sorry I thought the worst; anyone with half a brain would know by now that you care about me!"
Michael joined the hug and said "We both care about you, you big lug and that's all the talk I wanna hear about that. There is no shame in this family, none! That word is stricken from our vocabulary from here on in. Got it?"
Hunter stepped back, managed to smile and nodded. Ben ruffled his fair hair and said "Who's up for pizza?"
They invited Beccy into their family hug and she said "I'm starving!"
They locked up and made their way to a nearby pizza shop and all talk of shame had disappeared for the night. It was replaced with chatter of positive goals like finishing school, finding dream jobs, the next issue of Rage and stopping the evils of Prop 14.
All was good again in the Novotny-Bruckner household. In the coming weeks Ben and Michael would work extra hard at building Hunter's self-esteem which had taken a step backward but they were confident that with their love and commitment, Hunter would achieve his full potential; be everything that he should be and deserved to be.
End of "The Past Can Beat You Down"
Jannine: greenbeltave@optusnet.com.au
09/23/2007