They all had just stepped out of the Liberty Dinner, Ted, Emmett, Brian, Ben and Michael. The day was over cast and there was a chance of snow. Ben held Michael's hand gently and was chatting with Brian about them all meeting tonight at Babylon. Ben was trying to get across he and Michael had other plans tonight, Brian was trying to get across he really didn't care what Ben and Michael intended to do tonight, he intended for them to change their plans and go out with him tonight to Babylon. He was saying in his very Brian like way that there was no way he was going to get stuck baby sitting Emmett and Ted. To which Ted and Emmett took great mock offense. Michael was just about to ask where Justin was going to be tonight when he heard someone calling him.
"Michael!"
The voice came from down the block yet from that distance Michael knew who it was and it sent a shiver up and down his spine. He gripped Ben's hand a little tighter and then he turned his head as if in slow motion. And there he was, just as beautiful as he had always been; the lines in his face Michael had always thought made him particularly beautiful, because to him a least it meant David had lived, had been through things he could only imagine. There was a time in the not so distant past where he had wanted to know every story behind each of those lines. He thought he'd spend the rest of his life getting to know this man. It's not the first time he'd been wrong about the depth of someone's love for him, the pain of that made him shudder suddenly. Michael knew without looking that everyone had turned to see an on coming train called David Cameron. "Danger, danger Will Robinson." Was all that kept repeating in his head.
The smile on David's face faded just a little as he realized Michael was holding the hand of one of the most attractive men he's ever seen in his life. This man was handsome in the classic sense of the word, strong jaw line, beautiful smoldering eyes, perfect smile, and even under the jacket he was wearing he could tell the man was built like a brick shit house. There was an ease about him, as if he knew something the rest of the world didn't know. As if he understood some secret the rest of the world was still trying to figure out. Something bothered him about this man though, he thought about it for a second and then put his finger on it, this man was holding the hand of his Michael. There was only one other person in his life who he had hated on sight and that was Brian Kinney for different reasons. Brian had owned a large piece of Michael's heart which he couldn't reach. This man though seemed to feel at ease with the boys Michael surrounded himself with. Something he himself never achieved. No, he'd thought about it and he was building up a healthy hate for this man, and he didn't even know his name or the depth of the relationship. He didn't know if they were fuck buddies or lovers. Then he took a closer look at Michael's face and recognized something there, and even though it was familiar, it was achingly different. David's throat constricted as his heart and his breath struggled to escape through his mouth, his breath won, but only barely.
Brian's face turned to stone for a split second, and Ted and Emmett where dumbstruck. But they smiled their best fake smiles as they turned back and looked at Michael to see what his reaction was in order for them to judge how they should in turn act. Brian smiled suddenly once he realized that David had looking at Ben and Michael's interlocked fingers. And even though Brian teased Michael about his public displays of affection, he was thrilled for it now. He could feel David's body tense, as his jaw tightened and he plastered an insincere smile across his face. Brian thought he'd bust out laughing, then he caught Michael's eye and stopped short.
"David?"
It was all he could say his brain had gone numb; his whole body was trembling slightly. Something in him wondered why he'd said the man as if it were a question, almost like he was questions his own eyes. Ben on instinct walked behind Michael and wrapped his arms around him for support. He'd heard very little about the good Dr. Cameron and mostly from other people, but what he did know he didn't like. From what he'd heard from Debbie, Emmett and Ted, David treated Michael like a possession, and then when he couldn't get his way he shipped Michael home like a disobedient child. He wanted to know more about David, but he didn't push it because there was pain whenever David's name was brought up. Ben knew all he had to do was be patient and wait until Michael was ready to talk to him about it. Feeling stronger now that Ben's powerful arms were around him, Michael finally found his voice. And it was surprisingly calmer then he felt. This was the affect Ben was having on him, this was the affect Ben always had on him, which is one of the reasons he loved him so much.
"Ben this is my ex, David. David I'd like you to meet my lover Ben. Everyone else you already know."
"Hello Ben." David said holding out his hand towards the other man. Ben took it and smiled. Yeah I fucking hate him, David thought to himself taking the hand being extended to him and smiling back.
"I've heard so much about you." Ben lied, squeezing Michael slightly and kissing the side of his neck.
/Brilliant Brian thought, just fucking brilliant. He'd always seen Ben as non possessive when it came to Michael, but in front to everyone, and David in particular Ben had just marked his territory. Come to think of it Ben was always standing behind Michael his arm draped around him. It was subtle but affective.
"I'm sure none of it good." David said looking in Brian's direction.
"Don't look at me Doc, once you were gone I completely forgot all about you, funny how that worked out." Brian said smiling his most innocent smile but Michael could see the venom dripping out of the corners. It made him smile to see how protective Brian still was of him.
"Anyway, Michael I'm glad I ran into you. I was wondering if we could get together before I head back to Portland" David said looking from Michael to Ben, there was part of him that wanted to knock Ben's arm off Michael.
"I'll have to think about it and get back to you." Michael said as he felt Ben's hold on him tighten.
"What's there to think about Michael I just want to talk to you." David said looking at Ben who just smiled.
"I'm a busy man, I just can't drop everything because you suddenly want to talk, after not so much as a phone call since I've been home."
"I didn't mean it like that."
"Unfortunately David, you did. You haven't changed." Michael said leaning back into Ben for the first time. He was safe, none of David's snide remarks could make him cringe, none of his verbal blows could touch him, Ben was holding him, and Brian was just looking for a reason.
"Michael please."
"Where're you staying?"
"At the cabin."
"Has the number changed?"
"No."
"When I've decided I'll give you a call."
"I'll be in town for another four days, on business." David added the last part just to let Michael know he's still alone. He hoped it was an opening Michael would take.
"I don't need your itinerary David we're not together anymore." Michael registered the pain that flashed across David's eyes but he recovered quickly. David always was a fast healer, nothing touched him too deeply or for too long. Michael had learned this the hard and painful way.
As he watched, he couldn't help himself the smile on Brian's face was about a mile wide as he watched David walk away. Ben hadn't released his hold on Michael, and Ted and Emmett still couldn't' find the words for what just happened here. But all four men where proud of Michael. Especially Brian who was beaming, Michael had been strong, he'd introduced Ben as his lover, and he hadn't let David bully him into seeing him before he was ready. This was going to play itself out Brian had no doubt, but it would be on Michael's terms not David's.
He'd seen glimpses of it since Michael had gotten back from Portland. Mikey going to his first Pride, even if it was in drag that took guts, not to mention a lot of foundation. The way Mikey had put everything on the line after quitting the Big Q-Mart, and bought the comic book store. The way Mikey had gone after and gotten Ben back even after everyone made him miserable for it.
He'd always be Mikey, but more and more he was becoming Michael and this meant David was in for a huge shock, bigger then the one he got when he saw Michael holding Ben's hand. Hell it had even shook him when Ben had walked behind Michael letting David know in no uncertain terms that Michael was now with him and that kiss on the neck was priceless. Brian had wanted to burst out laughing at the look on David's face when he saw that. Brian could tell he was trying to size up the situation between Ben and Mikey, and he didn't like what he was seeing.
Dr. Dave had hurt Mikey, and this was something that wasn't expectable for any reason. And as much as Brian wanted to rip David a new hole for causing his best friend to feel like a failure, he knew this was something Mikey was going to have to handle on his own. The conversation he really wanted to hear was the one Michael was going to have with Ben. He knew from the conversation they'd had that Michael hadn't hidden anything about his relationship with David from Ben, but he also knew Michael hadn't given Ben a whole lot of details either. Hell, come to think of it Michael hadn't really given him too much detail about what had gone on the six week he was away. Michael had basically told him the same story he told Emmett and Ted. And even though Brian hadn't pressed him on it he knew there was a whole hell of a lot more to this story then Michael was telling. It was the first time since they've known each other that Michael hadn't been willing to open up to him and this bothered him at the time, but he'd pushed it aside thinking Michael didn't want to burden him with it considering the situation with Justin. Then later he didn't press it because he saw how obviously happy with Ben Michael is. Michael had questioned himself too much over the years, this was one decision that once he'd really made it was set in stone. Ben was his man, and whether anyone else liked it or not this was how it was going to be, and fuck anyone who didn't get with the program. Brian had been more proud for Mikey for this than anything else. So if the price to be paid for Mikey finally being really happy with someone who actually got who he is, was not knowing what went on those six weeks in Portland, then that's how it was going to be.
For the time being Brian was willing to hold his tongue and let Mikey deal with it, but if David tried to hurt Mikey again he'd simply have to kill him. No ifs, ands, or buts, he'd just simply have to track the son-of-a-bitch down and rip his throat out with his bare hands if he came here to cause Mikey more pain. Brian looked at Ben once more and saw he still hadn't relinquished his hold on Michael and realized, that when it came to anyone one hurting Michael for the first time in 17 years he'd have to wait in line. The Professor may be mild mannered, but Brian had the feeling that when it came to Michael all bet were off, and the idea sent a strange thrill through his body that he couldn't explain.
This was a first, because even though he liked Ben, as much as he could like anyone who was involved with his Mikey, and even though he'd even fucked Ben a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, until this very moment even though he knew Ben loved Michael he didn't realize how very much in love with Michael Ben is, it kind of bothered him, but he also respected the depth of it. There was a silent fierceness behind those gray-blue eyes, which told Brian that even he'd have a fight on his hands if he ever tried to come between them. The mere thought of it made him smile. But it also assured Brian that Ben was the right man for Michael, at least for right now. The way Ben held him, gently, allowing Michael to absorb his strength, and at the same time receiving strength from Michael, made him ache a little inside for those times when it was him that Michael leaned on for that kind of strength. Not that he was being replaced or anything, because that could never happen, he'd never allow it and neither would Michael, but it was something he never thought Michael could ever have with someone besides him.
Oh, hell yeah the good Doc was in for one hell of a surprise when he and Michael finally did get together for their talk.
Once they'd said their good-byes to Ted, Emmett, and Brian, Ben walked Michael to the comic book store.
"Don't you have a class?" Michael asked nervously as he walked behind the counter and turned on the computer.
"I've got a little time." Ben said waiting.
"So that was weird." Michael said taking off his jacket and gloves and storing them behind the counter.
"Michael."
"Okay, I know I haven't told you much about that part of my life"
"Practically nothing."
"It's just that it's hard to look back at the person I was with him."
"If it's still too hard to talk about then this can wait." Ben said walking over to where Michael was standing, he stopped in front of him and put his arms around the smaller man, resting his chin on his shoulder, feeling the familiar sensation as Michael melted against his chest.
"Its not that I don't want to tell you, I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Once you know who that Michael was you won't want this one."
"Who you were then shaped who you are now. I don't love you in pieces Michael, I love all of you."
"When I first met David the only serious relationships in my life outside of family were Ted, Emmett, and Brian. We went out, danced, on occasion I fucked the flavor of the night, but mostly I waited around for Brian to finish so I could drive him home. I was okay with that because most of the guys I ever had an interest in once they met Brian seemed to forget I was in the room. David was the first man who once he met Brian actually thought he got the better end of the deal. If you can believe it or not they actually fought over me. It's the first time in my life I don't know⦠I feltâ¦. I felt." Michael had stopped short, stilling clinging to Ben, his heart beating rhythmically in Michael's ear.
"You felt powerful." Ben felt Michael flinch a little and Ben pulled him closer, so that Michael would know there was no judgment just an understanding.
"It felt nice, David was just as confident as Brian in his way, just as beautiful in his way, and just as fucked up. And he wanted me, he fought for me, and in his way he needed me just as much as Brian did. And I fell kinda in love with that."
"But not him?"
"I'd only ever been in love with one person in my life up until that point, it wasn't the same. But I did love David, just not enough, not the way he needed me to, not the way I really wanted to. But see I know this now, I didn't then. And because I didn't understand it, it was so hard at times to be with him. And then there were times when we were alone and he held me and there was nothing else in the world but his heart beat and his breathing.
"And you knew, in those times when there was nothing but his heart beat and his breathing, you knew."
"Yeah I knew. But I didn't want to." Michael said almost a whisper so that Ben felt it as much as heard it.
"Is that why you went?"
"That was part of it, and part of it was everyone except Brian thought David was so right for me, and how could everyone else be wrong? There had to be something I wasn't doing, something I was missing. David loved me, he wanted me, and he could give me things and take me places I'd never be able to do or see on my own. And I thought..." Again Michael stopped short, this time stepping back from Ben and walking behind the counter.
"You thought if Brian wasn't around you two could have the relationship you wanted. But when you got to Portland you found out your problems had very little to do with Brian, and he didn't want to believe that. Somehow he got you to believe it was your fault, and you came home thinking you'd failed because you couldn't make something work that was doomed from the beginning." Ben said walking in front of the counter opposite Michael.
"Sometimes I think you can read my mind." Michael said reaching across the counter taking Ben's hand in his own and brining it to his lips.
"No, I've just watched you, you want everyone around you to be happy and when for whatever reason they're not you blame yourself. Its like at a very young age someone told you it was your responsibility to make everything right. You and David didn't work out because you two were meant to be one thing, and you forced yourselves to be another. Look I'm going to be late for class, but my advice to you is to see him. Tell him all the things you wanted to tell him whether he believes you or not. Because if you don't, if you don't Michael..."
"I'll never be rid of him.
"You said it not me."
"Yeah, well you were thinking it."
"Sure I was, but I never said it." Ben smiled leaned over the counter and gave Michael a kiss.
"I'll see you later tonight." Michael called behind Ben as he reached the door.
"You sure?" Ben said stopping at the door.
"Positive." Michael said.
After Ben had left the store Michael fished around and found the number for the cabin. He told David he'd be up there around 2'o clock. It was only after he'd hung up the phone that he got a little nervous, David had this way of making him feel like a small child. Michael closed his eyes took a deep breath and reminded himself that a lot had changed since David sent him home with his tail tucked firmly between his legs. He now owned a store, he was in a relationship with someone who saw him an equal, and not someone to be led around by the nose. Ben got his connection to Brian as wasn't threatened by it. There wasn't the constant pressure of trying to please one without hurting the other.
After he hung up the phone, David had a smile on his that ran from ear to ear. Maybe this Ben guy wasn't as important to Michael as he'd led him to believe. David had at least thought he'd have to wait a day for Michael to call him so they could talk. But it had only taken a few hours.
"Can I get you something to drink?" David asked as Michael was taking off his jacket.
"Some juice if you have?" Michael said as he looked around the cabin.
"Sure, orange, grape, cranberry?"
"Surprise me."
"Hank tells me you e-mail him from time to time?"
"Yeah well, it's not his fault we didn't work out."
"It's nice of you regardless of the reason, he loves you a lot. So how's work going?" David asked while getting the juice for Michael and a beer for himself.
"Oh, you don't know I own my own business now." Michael said going over to the window and looking out. He had always loved the view from the front window, it was one of the things he missed about this place. He hoped David would get the hint that he really didn't want to talk about Hank.
"That's great, what kind of business Hank never mentioned you owning your own business." David asked walking over to Michael handing him a glass of grape juice.
"I bought a comic book store I didn't tell Hank, when you get back tell him I'll send him something."
"I should have guessed. Why didn't you tell him in one of your e-mails though?"
"Because I didn't want to give the appearance of trying to communicate to you through him." Michael turned slightly to look at David then turned back to the window.
"Why a comic book store though?" David asked dropping why Michael hadn't wanted him to know.
"Because it was a dream of mine, because it was time, because I didn't want to live my life in a box anymore. Take your pick they're all valid."
"Congratulations Michael."
"Thanks."
"Have a seat relax you used to love it here."
"What'd you want to talk about David?" Michael asked taking a seat near the window.
"I didn't like how we left things between us."
"Oh, you mean shipping me home like a discarded toy."
"That's not how it happened Michael and you know it."
"Don't tell me what I know."
"You wanted to come home so you could be with Brian, but you were too chicken shit to admit it so I gave you an easy way out."
"No you gave you an easy way out. You didn't want to hear that it had nothing to do with Brian. It wasn't about Brian, it was about you, and me, it was about us. But you didn't want to hear that, you wanted to blame it all on Brian it was easier that way."
"And I suppose this new guyâ Ben, has no problem with Brian."
"No, he doesn't they've actually fucked by the way, and he actually understands where Brian fits into my life."
"Wait a minute. They've fucked? He understands, how very fucking open minded of him. And I see your mind has opened"
"They fucked long before I met Ben. And maybe Brian's not the complete asshole you always thought he was."
"And maybe you're just blowing smoke up my ass."
"Why would I bother at this point, we're not together David, I don't have to worry about hurting your feelings when to comes to Brian anymore. And as for Ben well he's really none of your business."
"He's none of my business?"
"No, he's not."
"Do you love him?"
"Yes."
"As much as you loved me?"
"You sure you want the answer to that question?"
"Yes."
"I love Ben in a way I've never loved anyone, that includes you and Brian. He understands me and has from the moment we first talked. He loves me in away no one ever has, not you, not Brian, no one. I'm not a childhood friend, or a replacement for a dead lover. He doesn't know everything about me like Brian, and he doesn't pick apart what he does know like you used to. And unlike you or Brian I'm not pathetic or childish in his eyes. He doesn't love me in pieces. He actually enjoys getting to know who I really am." Michael says putting down the glass of juice and getting up in one graceful motion.
"You're not being fair Michael, you never gave me a chance to know who you really where. You showed me bits and pieces and then expected me to put an incomplete puzzle together. And at the center of this puzzle was Brian, every other word out of your mouth was about him. You brought him into our lives and into our bed and then you expected me not to notice. I know more about Brian than I do about you and whose fault is that Michael. Getting you to talk about you was like pulling teeth, but you were a burst damn when it came to talking about Brian. And you were never a replacement for Mack. I wouldn't do that to him, I wouldn't do that to you and I wouldn't do that to me." David spat this out like he'd been storing it up since the beginning of time. But he didn't move when he saw Michael walk over to the window. He just sat there his beer in hand twisting it slowly. This wasn't working out exactly as he'd planned.
"You were never in love with me David."
"Don't tell me how I felt...how I feel."
"You were in love with the idea of not being alone. You didn't want a boyfriend you wanted a partner remember."
"And this makes me a monster?"
"No, but you pushed so damn hard."
"And what would've happened if you hadn't been pushed Michael? I'll tell you, if Brian hadn't shoved you away you'd have never made a decision."
"And maybe that should've told you something about where my head was at. I was 29, you were my first real relationship, I was scared shitless, but you were so sure. You knew what you wanted and you came after it even doing battle with Brian, how could I not be impressed." Michael said turning from the window only to have David standing two inches away from him. David's breath in his face, his body so close, and Michael had always loved the feel and press of his body, the smoothness of his skin, and the warmth of it turning to heat under his hand, the contours of his muscles, the way they contracted and released under his skin. He snapped himself out of it.
"You still want me." David said leaning in as if he where about to kiss Michael.
"I'll probably always want you David, I just can't have you, cause I never really did." Michael said placing his hand on David's chest and gently pushing him back.
"Who'd know?" David asked, almost certain he wasn't serious.
"I would." Michael said softly almost to himself.
"Because you love him?"
"Because he loves me."
"Well, can you imagine that Mikey's all grown up. Ben's a lucky man, I wish I'd met the Michael he knows." David said moving back to where his now warm beer sat on the table.
"You have, you just don't like what you see."
"You know I'm not in town on business, I came here to get you back. I told Hank I was bringing you home."
"You lied."
"Michael I love you."
"No David you miss me, you don't want to be alone, there's a difference."
"So now what?"
"You go home and get on with you life. And I stay here and live mine."
"This is not what I had planned."
"That's the problem David, you can't control everything."
"You know, I kinda hate this guy Ben."
"I know."
"But you're happy."
"Yes."
"I told you once that all I ever wanted was to make you happy. I'm sorry Michael.
"Believe it or not, so am I."
When Michael left, David sat down and cried, long and hard. What had he expected in the first place, that Michael hadn't moved on with his life. Why shouldn't he, David had told him to go home.
Even so, he had held out the hope that Michael somewhere deep down missed him and wanted to try again. He knew it was stupid, but things had been a lot clearer on the flight here. But his chest fell to his feet when he saw Ben holding Michael's hand and it had nearly stopped when Ben had walked behind Michael embracing him, and that kiss on the neck, took his breath away.
He could tell there was something different about how Michael was with Ben, he was more relaxed, he had confidence, he was more beautiful, he was radiant, and somewhere deep down David knew. But he dismissed the thought. He'd come here to get Michael back. But that wasn't going to happen. Michael was in love, really and deeply in love. Ben's a lucky bastard he thought. No doubt about it he really hated that motherfucker.
When Michael got back to the store he felt completely different it was as if a huge weight had been lifted from him. David was gone, he wasn't haunted by his ghost anymore. By seeing him and talking to him maybe for the first time ever really he'd excursed him. He wanted to call Brian though, not to tell him what had happened, not really. Before he could pick up the phone Brian came sauntering into the store.
"You saw him."
"How'd you know?"
"I knew you would."
"Its over."
"I thought it was over before."
"No you didn't."
"So was it ugly, please tell me it was ugly."
"It was hideous."
"Did he cry?"
"Like a baby."
"Good."
"I knew you'd appreciate that."
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
"Babylon later?
"Ben and I have plans."
"Change 'em."
"Not on a bet."
"Call you later."
"Later."
As Brian walked out of the store the phone rang he knew it was Ben, he smiled picked up the phone and felt his heart start to race as Ben's voice came traveling over the line.
"Hey baby."
"Hey."
"You okay?"
"Yeah."
"No more ghosts?"
"No more ghosts"
"Good."
"So, my place or yours?"
"Mine, less chance of interruption."
"What do you have in mind?"
"Chinese water torture."
"Sounds kinky."
"You have no idea. You up for it?"
"I'm up for anything."
"You may regret saying that."
"Never."
"Later."
"Later."
"Wait...Ben."
"Yeah."
"I love you."
"I love you too baby."