Who was that? Brian?
No... A ghost.
Excuse me?
Nothing. Forget it.
You look like shit. Don't tell me it was nothing.
It was David.
The famous Dr. Cameron. Or should I say infamous? What'd he want?
To talk.
About?
Nothing.
Bullshit. An old lover doesn't call after all this time to talk about nothing.
It wasn't important.
He misses you. He wants you back.
He misses being a couple. He wants what he never really had. Doesn't have anything to do with me.
Don't sell yourself short.
I'm not.
Yeah, you are. I don't know why you do that sometimes.
I told you I'm not. David wanted a replacement.
For who?
Mack. I couldn't be him.
What happened to Mack?
I don't wanna get into it.
What're you so afraid of?
I'm not afraid.
You're fuckin' terrified, baby. I can see you shaking from here.
Can we not do this?
I haven't wanted to push you, but now, I think we have to do this.
Ben... please...
Come here. You can tell me anything. You told me about Brian. Why not David?
I don't know it's... it's... harder.
It'll be okay. I promise. Why'd you feel like a replacement?
Because I was. David can't be alone. It's not how he's built.
It's not how anybody's built.
David, in particular. David, especially.
What'd ya mean?
I mean he's looking for what he had before.
Before what?
Before Mack died.
Is that what he told you?
He didn't have to.
Michael, if he didn't tell you how can you be so sure?
Because David's a lot like Brian.
How?
Neither one of them can stand change. And yet they go looking for it.
I don't understand.
David was alone for about a year and a half before we met. Everything with him happened so fast. It's like it had to happen then, or it wouldn't happen at all. Like he mainlined me into his life. Like a junkie on heroin. Everything had to be a certain way with him, or it couldn't work. Not to mention, he and Brian fought like cats and dogs.
Over you?
Not so much over me, but for control.
Of you?
Of me, my time - in a strange way, my body, my love - everything. It's like I couldn't do enough to please either of them. I couldn't spread myself thin enough to show them both I loved them - just differently. They always wanted more, always demanded more. And the more I gave, the more they needed. I was disappearing, and neither of them seemed to notice. It was an over exaggerated game of "Monkey in the Middle." Guess who got to be the fucking monkey...
Sounds to me like they were jealous of each other, Michael.
No, not really. It's just how they handled the shift in their lives. David fought Brian because he wanted a nice, quiet life, and Brian got in the way of that because of his hold over me. Brian fought David because he'd always been my priority . He wanted me to stand still even though he was moving on with Justin. He'd never admit it, though.
Brian loves you. I'm sure David does too. If David's like Brian, he just doesn't know how to express it.
David loved what he wanted me to be.
And what was that exactly?
Silent complacence.
And Brian?
Brian loves who he needs me to be. There's a difference in there somewhere.
It's a little bit more complicated then that with you and Brian.
Sure there is. That's just the abbreviated version.
So you fell in love with David because he reminded you of Brian?
I fell in love with David because he wasn't Brian. Because he was as far away from Brian as I could get at the time. It wasn't until after I got back from Portland that I realized just how similar they are. How I'm not enough for either of them, although they both claim I'm everything.
So what'd he want just now?
The impossible. A dream. He wanted a fucking dead man. He doesn't want to be alone, and he doesn't want to start over with someone else. So he'll settle for me.
You can't be so hard on yourself.
You don't understand what it was like with him, or who I was with him. I felt like such a child when we were together. Like everything I did or said wasn't good enough, or was being measured against something else. Someone else. He didn't see it then and he refuses to see it now. He made it all about Brian. And even though Brian's ghost was there, his wasn't the only one. I felt Mack every time he touched me.
So instead of admitting it, he blamed it all on Brian's hold over you. And what he thought was your inability to break it.
It's not even that simple. When I went to Portland, it's like the man I thought he was, disappeared. And the man I slept with every night scared the hell out of me. He wanted this fucking housewife. And I wanted to come home. Brian was part of it, but not the biggest part of it... I loved David. I just couldn't be what he needed me to be, and it was killing me. Every time he looked at me, I felt smaller and smaller. When he touched me, I got lighter and lighter, like at any moment I'd just float away... So I whined and complained, when all I really wanted was for him to see me. To see the real me and not the version of me he had cooked up in his head. I wanted him to catch me before it was too late. I wanted him to love me enough to fight for me - to really fight for me. Fighting Brian was easy. It meant he didn't have to deal with all the shit going on in his head. I wanted him to say it was all right, and mean it. I wanted... I wanted...
You wanted to feel safe.
But it was never going to be all right. I was never going to be safe with him. And now I have you. You don't have to say a word and I know it's gonna be all right. All you have to do is hold me like this and I'm safe. Brian's a part of me. He can't be replaced and he can't be removed, but you're home for me. Whereever we are, whatever we're doing, as long as I'm with you, I'm home.
You're home for me too.
Nothing's been worth it until now.
Let's go to bed.
You read my mind.
Michael?
Yeah.
Nothing's been worth it for me either.
I love you.
I love you too, baby...