Brian wanted to go to Babylon, Brian wanted to get high, Brian wanted to get his dick sucked, Brian wanted to bring home a new hard bodied twink for a night of fucking and sucking, and Brian wanted to share all of this with Justin, so what was so new and shocking about that? Why was this getting harder to swallow with every passing night, with every passing twink? Brian was only being who he was, who he'd always said he was, so why was this suddenly not enough? Maybe it had to do with not knowing the reason why Brian was the way he was. Maybe it had to do with only seeing those parts of Brian that the rest of the world got to see. The glimpses into the other side of Brian, the part of him who was generous to a fault but would never admit it or take credit for it, the part of him that would lay down his life for you in a heartbeat without reservation, or regret.
But he'd seen Brian do these things for Michael, Emmett, Lindsey, Melanie, even Ted, so doing it for Justin didn't make him special. Brian cared for people like pets, he'd give them a treat and they'd all lick his hand and move on thinking they were happy. But Brian also took pleasure in kicking and tormenting his pets. He had this sadistic streak in him that was hidden, behind a facade of not caring. Justin wondered why he'd never seen it before. Maybe it was because he'd been so caught up in trying to get the ungetable that he glossed over Brian's lesser qualities. Maybe it was because Brian was so completely unlike anyone he'd ever met, that it was hard to see the very real and deep damage in the man."Get dressed." Brian said walking into the bathroom, shedding his work clothes as he went.
"I'm not going." Justin said not looking up from the computer screen.
"What?" Brian called from the bathroom
"I said I'm not going." Justin yelled back.
"Why?"
"I'm going over to Michael's." A lie but believable.
"You're going to Mikey's?"
"Yeah, we're working on the comic tonight."
"All three of you?" Brian asked coming out of the bathroom and moving to the closet to but on his battle gear for the night.
"What?" Justin looked up leaning back in the chair.
"Mikey told me Ben was making him dinner tonight."
"He must have forgotten I was supposed to come over." Caught.
"Since he forgot, then come with me to Babylon."
"I don't feel like hooking up tonight."
"Then why not say that instead of the lie about Mikey?"
"Don't you think he's a little old to be called Mikey?"
"You're avoiding the question Sunshine."
"So are you."
"If you have a problem spit it out, if not I don't have time for this the men of Pittsburgh await."
"No you never have time, not when you could be getting your dick sucked. But if Michael called right now you'd drop everything wouldn't you?"
"What's with your fascination with Mikey tonight?"
"What's your fascination with Mikey?"
"He's my best friend."
"Yeah, everybody knows the story, but what's the truth?"
"What goes on between me and Mikey, is just that between me and Mikey."
"Bullshit, what goes on between you and Michael spills over and touches everyone else."
"Later."
"Did I touch a nerve?"
"Yeah my last one."
"Why don't you do us all a favor and just fuck him and get it over with?"
"Careful what you wish for, Sunshine."
With that Brian walked out of the loft, a shit eating grin on his face like he knew something. Like he'd just won a little battle Justin knew nothing about. Maybe he'd pushed it too far. He didn't even know why he'd brought Michael into it, except for the small fact that he'd always wanted to know.
He sat there for a while trying to concentrate on the computer screen, only to have his mind race over and over the conversation he and Brian had just had. Why shouldn't he know, he was living here wasn't he? How come after almost two years he still knew practically nothing about the man he was sharing a bed with, the man he was trying to share a life with. Suddenly he got up, slipped on his sneaker, got his jacket and headed out the door. At first he didn't know where he was going until he ended up outside of Michael's building. He went up stairs not sure what he was really doing there, but sure he needed to be there.
"Justin?" Michael said breathless, a sheet wrapped around his waist loosely, his hand holding it up, sweat making the rest of it cling to his legs.
"I need to talk to you." Justin said pushing by him.
"Now, I mean I'm in the middle of something here."
"Sorry but it's important."
"It'd better be. Well, make yourself comfortable while I go put something on."
"Who's that?"
"Justin." Michael said pulling on a pair of sweat pants.
"What's he doing here?"
"He says he needs to talk to me."
"About?"
"What else? Brian." "I knew we should have spent the night at my place."
"This won't take long."
"How do you know?"
"Look, just don't move, and don't fall asleep." Michael said bending over to kiss his gloriously naked lover his left nipple.
"Hurry back or I'll be forced to finish without you."
"You do and I'll kick your ass, then I'll kick Justin's ass, then I'll hunt Brian down and kick his ass."
"OH baby, I love it when you get all aggressive and shit."
"Just remember what I said."
"One more kiss and I'll think about it."
Michael bent down again and this time he kissed the tip of Ben's condom covered cock. Ben moaned deep in his throat as he made his cock jump to meet Michael's warm lips in treating him to linger there just a while longer.
"That should hold you."
"For now, but not for long."
Michael straightened up gave one more sideways glance at his lover smiled and walked out of his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Justin was sitting on the sofa his jacket off his head in his hands very near tears.
"What'd he do now?" Michael asked taking a seat beside Justin.
"How do you always know?"
"Why else would you come here in the middle of the night?"
"It's the same old shit."
"Then you should be used to it by now."
"It's like unless we're in bed I'm invisible. Like he's got me to fuck and you for all the important shit."
"That's not true."
"When Melanie and Lindsey first came to him to sign over Gus, he blew me off when I told him he shouldn't do it. When he didn't and I asked him why, he told me it was something you said. What'd you say Michael?"
"We never talked about Gus. We talked about fathers."
"What about fathers?"
"Look that's all I can tell you."
"Why?"
"Because it was a private conversation."
"How about when his father died? The only person he wanted around him was you."
"He needed me, what I was supposed to step aside because you wanted to hold his hand. You didn't even know his father. Brian needed someone who knew Jack and what their real relationship was like."
"So what was it like?"
"You'll have to ask Brian or wait for him to tell you, that's not my place."
"He's never going to tell me, why should he, he's got you."
"What the fuck do you want me to do Justin, pretend like we don't have history together?"
"History."
"Yes... We're friends and have been for a long time."
"It's more than that and you know it Mikey."
"What I know is Brian Kinney, who doesn't do boyfriends has one, you're living in his loft, you're a large part of his life and he loves you what more do you want Sunshine?"
"For him to love me as much as he loves you, I want him to say it."
"First of all what Brian feels for me and what he feels for you are two different things. And secondly I hate to break it to you Justin, but he's never going to say it. He'll show you in his way, but he'll never say it, because that's just who he is. You either believe he loves you or you don't. And if you don't then it's time to move on before someone really gets hurt."
"I'm not like you I can't live in this kind of dysfunction. He makes it so hard to be with him sometimes. Its like once I break down one wall there's another one right behind it, stronger then the one in front of it. I'm too young to have to fight this hard for someone to love me."
"A long time ago I was the same way. Then I learned how to listen to Brian differently. If you keep looking for Brian to be like other people you'll only be disappointed, Brian is who he is. He's never lied to you about it, he's never led you to believe anything else, so why go looking for something he's told you isn't there...at least not with him."
"I don't know why I thought you'd understand."
"I do understand. But I can't make up your mind for you. I can't sit here and tell you what to do, I made my own choice when it came to Brian, and now you have to make yours."
"I don't have a choice. Brian calls all the shots, he holds all the strings and he pulls them whenever he fucking feels like it. I'm like a dog on a short chain."
"I know you're young Justin but you should know by now that everything's your choice, until it's not."
"What the fuck is that some Buddhist shit you picked up from Ben?"
"No, just some shit I picked up from living. And speaking of Ben he's got to be asleep by now."
"I should go."
"Probably."
"You're not going to tell him are you?"
"No but you should."
"Why so he can blow me off."
"You never know he might surprise you."
"Yeah, Brian's full of surprises."
"What are you searching for Justin?
"Brian."
"Well, he's not here."
"That's where you're wrong practically all of him is here."
"You give me way too much credit."
"No actually I underestimated you."
"Goodnight, Sunshine."
"Goodnight, Mikey."
"That was kind of intense."
"You heard?" Michael said taking off his sweat pants and getting back into bed.
"The walls in this place are paper thin. What do you make of it?"
"He thought he could change him, he's finding out Brian is who he says he is, at least with him."
"It's harder to swallow then he thought, and he's looking for someone to blame."
"Yeah, well, what else is new?"
"What'd think he's going to choose?"
"I think he's going to choose to say and do nothing."
"Why?"
"Because if he doesn't make the choice he forces Brian to, then it's not his fault how it turns out."
"You know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think that for tonight we should let Brian and Justin take care of themselves. I think I've been waiting here for a long time naked and horny. I think you really, really need to do something about it."
"That's what you think?"
"Yeah, cause it was real lonely in here."
"How lonely?"
"Come here and I'll show you."
"I got a better idea, why don't you just lay back and let me make it up to you."
"That could work too."
Michael leaned over a prone Ben who was rubbing his chest and stomach very suggestively and kissed him lightly on the mouth. It was a teasing kiss, one that hinted at more, but didn't deliver at least not yet. Michael suddenly and with feline like grace and quickness straddled Ben, kissing and sucking on the pulse in his neck. Ben moaned and reached up, wrapping his powerful arms around the smaller mans frame pulling him closer. Michael could feel Ben's cock growing and throbbing against his own pulsing hard on. Michael began to rock slowly back and forth creating this sweet electric friction. Ben raised his knees slightly anchoring himself to the bed and then he too began rocking. Ben's breath came in hot flashes against the tender piece of skin which connects the neck and shoulder. The spot where possibility ends and eternity begins that small territory of flesh that quivers, settles and becomes a delicacy for the mouth. A feast for the starving, a fountain for the thirsty, and sanctuary for the condemned. Michael's body was a heavenly thing comprised of blood, muscle, bone, and a light which gave warmth, strength and refuge. Ben basked, glorified, exalted and praised it. Michael was an intoxicating mixture of saint and whore, oh the truly nasty things he could do with is hands, his mouth, and his control was astounding, several times he's worn Ben completely out leaving him a quivering mass of flesh whose only thought was of sleep, and rejuvenation.
Michael pushed up, Ben running his hands over his thighs, while Michael reached over and got another condom. He opened it with a slow sexy smile creeping across his face, and then he put the condom in his mouth and moved down and between Ben's legs. He placed his mouth over the throbbing purple mushroom head of Ben's cock and slowly went down on him. Ben raised his hips slightly, a deep penetrating moan escaped from the back of his throat when Michael's mouth finally reached the base of his cock. Michael shaking his head for effect, letting Ben's cock tickle the back of his throat. Then unmercifully slow Michael started up the shaft of the cock in his mouth, applying slightly more pressure with each movement as he worked his mouth up and down. One hand squeezing his balls, the other playing with the opening of Ben's hungry ass.
Ben's hand gripped either side of his lover's head the pressure was getting intense, he was using all of his breathing techniques to control his on coming orgasm.
Michael who was becoming master of his lovers body stopped, the cock head still in his mouth, then he let it pop out he licked his lips and smiled the whore in him coming out. Then he lavished kisses and stinging bites over the inside of Ben's thighs up to and including his balls, then further up his rock hard abdominal wall, his flawless chest then up to his mouth. And then there was no retreating, no teasing, he surrendered and was surrendered to. He took Ben's arms from around him and pinned them over his head, and then very slowly he impaled himself on Ben's cock.
Ben could feel himself melting into Michael and even though Michael was the one being penetrated it was Ben who had submitted. He gave himself over completely to the waves washing over him which Michael was creating with his body. His eyes were closed, his head buried deeply into the pillow, his back arched trying desperately to reach deeper inside of his lover. Everything ached, from the ends of his hair on his head to the soles of his feet, finally Michael had released his hands so that they could roam, and caress. It was building from outside of him at first as if the air itself had decided to take part, then it became more localized, and he knew he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. Michael pushed himself up until he was in the seated position, his hands pressed firmly on Ben's chest his eyes closed as he bit his bottom lip. His moans rising to match Ben's, and then like a volcanic eruption they both came. It was beyond pain and pleasure, beyond fantasy and reality, it was ecstasy. When the last of it had washed over both of them, Michael finally collapsed on top of him, and all Ben could do was wrap his arms around him and rock him slowly from side to side, until they both fell asleep.
After Justin had felt Michael's he walked for a while, then he went back to the loft. When he got there he knew even before he slid the door open that Brian was back. Much to his surprise Brian was alone and sleeping. Justin got undressed and slowly got into bed next to him. At first his back was to Brian, then he turned to face him, when he did he saw that Brian wasn't actually sleeping. When Justin went to kiss him, Brian moved away, turning his back on Justin.