So Worth It

Season 4: Episodes 413 and 414. 4100+ words.

Ben continued, "Michael Novotny, you are the man I have been looking for, all my life. I'm so very blessed I have found you."

Ben added, "That's why I'm asking you for the honor of accepting my hand in marriage. We are going to Toronto, where gay marriage is not only accepted, it's legal. Like you said, 'that's what two people do when they love each other.' Right?"

Michael couldn't say anything for the longest time. Ben waited patiently. All Michael wanted was to cuddle into Ben's arms and think. The bus rocked and swayed until Michael was so relaxed he started dreaming.

Michael was carried back to the day he first laid eyes on Ben Bruckner. He had just opened his comic book store, with help from Emmett, Vic and Debbie. The bell over the door rang, Michael looked up to see the most beautiful vision he had ever seen. This man, tall, handsome, wearing glasses was standing looking at comic books. Emmett and Vic speculated whether or not the stranger was gay. Michael concentrated on the comics he was picking out. Michael asked, "May I help you find something?"

"Yes, I am looking for comics with a...." the man started to say. Michael finished, "gay theme."

He was star struck. Michael wanted to grab him right there and kiss his beautiful mouth.

"I'm fast. I mean I read quickly. Let me introduce myself. My name is Ben Bruckner. I teach at Carnegie Mellon. This semester I'm teaching gay themes in literature from Rome to modern text. Including comic books." Ben explained.

"No, I already found what I want." Ben replied not taking his eyes off of Michael.

Ben explained his reasons, "Yes, I want you to come and speak to my class. You have a passion and knowledge about comic books that I don't have. Will you come and speak to us, please?"

After speaking to the class Michael and Ben went out together. Back at Ben's apartment, he gave Michael a copy of the book he wrote. After which he dropped the fact he was HIV positive.

After a near break up, Ben and Michael became inseparable. Their love grew and became so strong.

~~~~~~~

Michael leaned back into Ben's arms and smiled, the dream was so vivid. Ben just held the man he loved so close. He counted his blessings and they were all Michael.

When they arrived in Toronto Michael still hadn't given Ben an answer. They all ended up at Moosie's for a drink. They got there in time to see a stag party. Michael was still contemplating his answer. Brian showed up and as Brian always did, he helped Michael make up his mind. Not the answer Brian wanted though.

Ben asked hoping for an answer from Michael. "This is touching isn't it? Don't you think?"

Michael replied with his arms around Ben's neck, "I do! I do!! Ben, did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah I...." Ben started to say as he turned around and looked into Michael's loving eyes.

Ben looked at Michael and saw the answer he was waiting for. He kissed his lover passionately not wanting to let him go.

Michael remembered all the ups and downs they had been through together. The time Ben became so sick because of a reaction to his meds. Michael was so afraid he had lost Ben that day. He recovered and their love became even stronger. Ben knew at that moment Michael would never leave him. He was so comforted by that one gesture.

Later when Michael and Ben returned to their room, they talked about everything. Michael looked into Ben's cool blue eyes. "I'm so grateful I found you too, Ben. You have given me the strength to live my life with love. Thank you for loving me."

Ben put his arms around his lover and said, "Michael, baby, thank you for loving and caring for me. With everyday we are together I feel whole. I can't live without you in my life."

Ben continued, "Baby, I keep thinking about when I was in the hospital and so sick. I fought to live, to be with you again. Your strength brought me through it. I can't thank you or love you enough."

With a tear in his eye, Michael said, "Ben, we have been through so much together. I thought I lost you again when you started using the steroids, because Paul's death affected you so deeply."

Michael continued, "I did what I had to do to get you back. I'm sorry if I scared you. I didn't know what else to do."

Ben looked lovingly into his lover's brown eyes and said, "I know, Baby, I will never question your methods again. I know in my heart you always know the right thing to do. I find such comfort in your arms. When I am troubled about things I run to you. Although there have been a few times I've acted like a jackass. I'm so very SORRY!!!"

Taking Ben's face in his hands Michael gazed into his cool blue eyes, "It's OK Ben, I understand. But Anthony almost broke us up too. I'm so glad you realized what he was doing and came back to me. We are stronger together than we are apart. I never want to let you go again."

Ben replied with a smile of happiness on his face, "Well, now, we'll never be apart again, Baby. We're getting married tomorrow, this is a dream come true for me, Michael. I was afraid I would never find someone to spend my life. My HIV status saw to that. When I walked into your shop, my life changed forever. Thank you for being you."

With such love in his voice, Michael said, "Ben, we needed each other and still do. We are so good for each other and always belong together."

Ben took Michael in to his arms and kissed him tenderly. Michael took his tongue and explored Ben's lips and mouth. Their kiss became deep and passionate. They had to finally separate to catch their breath. Ben stared into Michael's beautiful brown eyes, which became even darker as Michael became aroused.

Ben started taking Michael's clothes off, beginning with his shirt. He kissed the newly exposed skin as he unbuttoned each one. He wanted to be able to touch and caress his lover's soft skin.

Michael started paying the same attention to Ben's clothes. He wanted to see and caress Ben's smooth, muscular chest and back.

Ben began kissing Michael's ear so softly, causing Michael to groan with pleasure. He continued kissing Michael's neck and shoulders. Michael in turn kissed Ben's neck pulling them closer together. Ben could feel Michael getting hard as he rubbed himself against his lover's body. He was also becoming aroused as he held and kissed his lover passionately.

They lay down on the bed as their passion continued to grow. Ben kissed and licked Michael's chest as he moved on to his lover's nipples. Taking one at a time, Ben caressed and lightly bit each one until Michael couldn't take it anymore. Ben continued down his lover's body until he reached his desired objective. He took Michael's cock into his mouth. Michael moaned even louder with desire. Ben slowly moved his mouth up and down the shaft, licking and nipping as he went. Michael arched his back to go even deeper into Ben's mouth. Ben sensed his lover was close. He released Michael causing him to whimper because of the separation.

Now it was Michael's turn to give Ben all the pleasure he could. He nudged his lover to roll over. Ben did so with the anticipation of what was coming. Michael started at the back of his neck. He kissed Ben leaving a mark. Moving down Ben's spine with his kisses, biting every so often which caused Ben to groan with his pleasure and desire. Michael reached, kissing Ben's hips as he went. Licking his lover's ass, Michael drove Ben crazy. He reached for the lube and a condom. Covering his fingers he entered Ben with one then two fingers. Ben jerked with pleasure, almost coming right there. Michael put the condom on his tongue, bending down he probed Ben's ass with deep penetrations. Ben grabbed the pillow and buried his face to muffle the sounds of his satisfaction. Michael moved back up to his head asking him to roll back over.

Ben took the lead now. He gave Michael a condom to put on his hard throbbing cock. He took his fingers and prepared Michael for his entry. When Michael relaxed, Ben inched into his lover, stopping to let Michael adjust to his size. Moving with a slow rhythm, Ben fully entered Michael, who responded by arching his back to draw Ben even deeper. As they moved as one together their pace picked up. Michael was having trouble staying in control. At last they came. First Michael shot all over Ben's chest, causing him to tighten around Ben's cock. This caused Ben to climax violently. They both collapsed together and just lay there until they were calm and breathing normally. They repeated this process several times before morning.

~~~~~~~

With their friends and family around them, Ben and Michael promised to love each other until death parted them. Hunter stood up for Ben and believe it or not, Brian was there for Michael.

Ben had their rings engraved with a special message. He had the verse of the song 'Ben' put on them as he wanted Michael to know how much the song meant to him. Michael's eyes filled with tears when he read the inscription. Ben moved closer and kissed his husband's tears away.

They were married. Two becoming one, always there when they needed each other. Ben and Michael kissed and couldn't stop smiling.

They started the bike ride that day. As they rode along together, Ben started to think about some events he was not very proud. He made the decision to talk things out with Michael that night.

~~~~~~~

On their wedding night, after making passionate love three times. Ben told Michael, he needed to talk with him about several things from the past.

Ben began slowly, "Baby, I feel I need to make you understand a few things. I know we have spoken before regarding them, but I really want you to understand too. Please, let me explain."

Ben continued saying, "I know there have been times when I have hurt and upset you. I never meant too."

He explained further, "Michael, you were right last night when you said Paul's death deeply affected me. I freaked out. I became so scared I would be next. Even though I have done everything right to stay healthy, I was afraid I still hadn't done enough."

With a look of love for his husband Ben said, "When I got so sick, your strength helped me fight. When Paul died I felt lost. The night you found me outside the diner, I was so angry. I was mad at Paul for being so careless with my life and his. The fact that he gave up was incomprehensible to me. I felt so helpless. You came to comfort me and I turned away. I know I pushed you away then and I'm so very sorry for putting you through that."

Taking a deep breath to calm himself Ben said, "To tell you the truth all I wanted, was to hide in your arms, but I couldn't and I don't know why."

Continuing he explained, "When I decided to take the steroids, I never considered your feelings. All I could think was, 'If I have more muscle mass, I won't get sick.' I never realized or saw what the side effects were doing to me."

Ben looked wounded as he told Michael, "God, the things I said to you that night we argued, I still can't believe the words that came out of my mouth. I wanted to take them back immediately, but the damage was done. I'd hurt you badly. After you went into the spare bedroom and slammed the door, I just sat there in disbelief. I couldn't believe I said those words to you. I spent the night on the sofa unable to really forgive myself. I cried. All I wanted to do was go to you and take you in my arms and beg you to forgive me. For some reason I couldn't even move."

With a quiver in his voice Ben said, "Michael, I know I apologized later but I feel I need your forgiveness for all of it."

Michael took Ben by the hand and in a whisper said, "Ben, I never told you this, but I fantasized about deliberately getting HIV. I dreamed the condom broke and I wouldn't let you stop. I didn't want you to worry about me anymore. That gave me the idea how to get you to stop using the steroids. I decided to shock you."

Looking into those beautiful brown eyes Ben said, "Michael, I thank God you were able to bring me back to my senses. Your method scared the shit out of me, but it worked. I wish I could take it all back. Please forgive me."

With love and compassion in his voice Michael replied, "I love you, Ben, of course I forgive you. I am here whenever you need me. Please let me be your haven."

Continuing Michael added, "Ben, I never want you to face anything alone, ever again. Promise you will rely on me to help."

Ben took Michael's face in his hands and kissed him saying, "Baby, you have my promise. We are together married forever. Can you believe it?"

Ben continued explaining, "Michael, the failure of my book is another event I wish I could take back."

Ben looked at Michael with such love and replied, "I wish I had handled the rejection better and in a different way. I took it all out on you and it wasn't fair or right. Once again I hurt you with my words and actions. I wish I could take it all back. I should have listened to your suggestions with a different attitude. Your insight was accurate. If I had reworked the book, taking your opinion seriously, the publishers would have accepted it. Instead I got mad and pushed you away. When you had success with you comic and the movie offer, I got so jealous!! I had the green, eyed monster running around in my body. Instead of dealing with my failure, I attacked you."

Ben explained further, "Baby, when Anthony started praising and flattering me, I almost allowed myself to do the unthinkable. I would have lost the one person I love with all my heart and soul. "

Ben continued saying, "I know we have discussed this before but I am so sorry I hurt you. I know I did, I saw it in your eyes. I never want to see you hurt like that again. I love you, Michael. Please forgive me, Baby."

Watching his husband's reaction Ben said, "Michael, I promise you never to let anyone come between us again. You have my permission to slap me if I ever break this promise. Do what ever you have to and bring me back to my senses."

Michael wanted to ease Ben's anxiety, putting his arms around his neck, he said, "Ben, please don't worry and get yourself so upset. I'm fine and so are you. We are and will be together, helping each other through life. Always know I am here for you."

Michael lovingly continued, "Ben, I love you with all my heart. We are starting life anew with a clean slate. Let's live in the NOW and not let the past hurt us ever again.

Ben happily agreed, "Baby, you have a deal. Now come here so I can make love to you again. My love knows no boundaries.

~~~~~~~

Ben and Michael had a little trouble re-entering the country as a married couple. They had to use forms for a single person.

Ben realized that they still had some obstacles to overcome. Debbie tore into the guard about the sanctity of marriage, which made the couple laugh out loud.

At lunch Brian surprised Ben and Michael with a small reception. They ate cake and danced in celebration of their love for each other.

Brian, being Brian, injured himself. Michael decided to make sure he made it back safe and sound. Ben totally supported his husband in his endeavor.

When they returned, Michael found out he was a father. Ben was so excited to be Uncle Ben. They went to the hospital and greeted the newest member of their family.

Michael questioned, "Ben is it really true? Did we really get married? It feels like I'm in a dream."

"Yes, Baby, it really happened. We are legally married." Ben pulled Michael into his arms and just held him until Michael was relaxed and calm.

Michael replied, "No, I can't calm down. With the events of the last few days, I still can't believe it all really happened, the wedding and the baby. Are you sure we're really married? We live in America not Canada."

Ben got up on one elbow and looked lovingly into Michael's big brown eyes and asked, "Let me ask you one question. If it was legal for just one day, was it worth it?"

Ben continued, "It's all beginning and we're a part of it. It won't be long before it happens here. Now come here, Baby, let's have more of our honeymoon. I want to show you how I really feel about you and the wedding."

Ben sat up and pulled Michael close in his arms. He kissed his husband's lips with the tenderness and passion, which he felt every moment of every day. Their kiss became deep and passionate. They finally had to part so they could take a deep breath. Ben looked lovingly into Michael's beautiful chocolate brown eyes. He saw a twinkle there. Ben knew Michael wanted more. Their passion became even more intense. Michael lay down while Ben nibbled on his ear. As usual this tormented Michael. Knowing this, Ben took his time. He traced the line form Michael's ear along his jaw until he found his lips again. Taking his tongue, Ben explored his husband's mouth leaving nothing untouched. Michael groaned deeply in the back of his throat. His pleasure was so intense.

Ben moved down to his chest and kissed, lightly biting Michael's nipples, causing them to become small, tight and dark. Michael ran his fingers through Ben's hair and down his neck to his smooth muscular shoulders. Michael took his husband's face in his hands and pulled him back up to his lips.

Michael took control by kissing Ben's shoulders and neck. This drew a moan of intense pleasure from Ben. Michael continued kissing Ben down his chest until he reached Ben's stomach. Michael licked around Ben's navel causing him to shiver uncontrollably. Michael was not through yet. With a condom in his mouth he lavished his husband's rock hard cock with every kind of pleasure, from licking the shaft to taking Ben fully into his mouth. Ben arched to get as deeply into Michael's mouth as he could. Michael found the lube and prepared Ben to be entered. With one finger then two, Michael entered his husband causing Ben to jerk. He moved his fingers in and out causing Ben to groan with even more pleasure. Ben was finding it impossible to control himself.

Michael released him and removed his fingers causing Ben to whimper from the separation. Ben brought his lover back up to his face and flipped him on his back. Bringing Michael's legs up to his shoulders, Ben reached for a condom and lube. He prepared Michael for his entry. Placing the tip of his hard cock at Michael's opening, he penetrated his husband slowly.

Michael caught his breath, Ben waited for his husband to relax before he continued his slow entry. With love in his eyes and a warm passionate kiss Ben began his slow and rhythmic penetration. As their passion grew so did their rhythm. Ben fully moved in and out of Michael causing groans of pleasure from both men. Their passion grew even more until Michael couldn't control himself any longer. His orgasm was strong and violent. This caused Ben to climax as strongly as his husband. They collapsed in each other's arms unable to move. After they regained control and their heads cleared, they cuddled lovingly together.

Michael looked longingly and said, "Ben, I want you to truly know how much I love and adore you. From the first time I saw you, I knew you were the one love of my life. I never want to be without you again. You are my heart and soul and my reason for living."

Ben chimed in with what he was feeling, "Baby, I love you so much for telling me that. Don't you know I feel the same way? I love you for all the times you have stayed with me. Even through the rough patches in our relationship. I have fought to live for you. I have loved you with every breath I take and I will until I die. Again I am so sorry for the tough times and that you were hurt. I don't know why I do that. I never want to lose you again."

Michael said to reassure his husband, "Ben, sweetheart, you will never lose or get rid of me. I'm here with you and for you for the rest of our life together. I'll never leave."

Lovingly Ben said, "Thank you, Baby for loving me the way that you do. How was I so lucky to find you? Now as a married couple we'll love each other forever."

Michael said, "I agree. Now how about round two and three? I never want to be away from you. I have to be able to feel your arms around me, always.

~~~~~~~

EPILOGUE

"Baby, are you still glad we got married?" Ben asked Michael as they cuddled on the sofa.

Michael confirmed, "Yes Ben, I have never been as happy as I am right now. It has been 'so worth it.' I love you more each day. You know that don't you?"

Ben responded, "Of course I do, Michael. You have filled my life with so much love and support. I don't know how I ever lived before I met you. You give me the strength to live each day to the fullest. I have never been so happy. I know I'll never be alone again."

Michael said lovingly to his husband, "Ben, as long as I am here, you'll never have to worry about being without the love you deserve. You are my life. I love you with my whole heart and soul. I'm incomplete with out you. I hate being away from you for even one second."

With so much love in his voice Ben said, "Our love grows stronger everyday Baby. Together we can conquer the world."

End of "So Worth It"
PA-Mado: madelyn1116@verizon.net
07/11/2008