On June 13 Torch gave us the honor of being our first guest speaker,
in the AD's Office chat room. We had a great turn out and people from
the Xslash, MSF, M/K, SEA, and slashX mailing lists all joined us to
hear Torch talk about her work. A total of 28 people dropped by - our
best turnout yet!

Torch has graciously given us permission to post excerpts from the
chat. All names, except Torch's (aka _danakate) have been deleted to
protect the not so innocent. I hope you enjoy.

*************************

<_danakate > I'm not late, am I?

<guest 1> No! Hi, torch!

* _danakate waves hi, looks embarrassed, stumbles on the
microphone cord and looks for a place to sit down

<guest 1> So...quite a nice little crowd!

<guest 1> Welcome again, everybody, to the Office! Make yourselves
comfortable. Plenty of room on the couch.

<guest 1> Well, how about we start off by asking if torch has any
questions *for* her readers?

<_danakate> Right, make *me* carry the conversation... hi!

<_Guest 6_> But you're a celebrity now Torch, you have to.

<_danakate> Actually I only have one real question (look, I'm so
prepared)--

<guest 1> You want us to start with questions from the folks here?

<_danakate> Let me ask a question now and you can all
think about it for a while.

<guest 1> Sure, torch.

<_danakate> I want to know your least favorite of my stories,
and/or your least favorite moment in that or any other of my
stories...

<guest 1> Ooh, good question!

<_danakate> (Then if you want to cheer me up, do tell me about
the favorite ones as well. <g>)

<guest 1> You all know, just to make it clear, that _danakate here is
torch.

<_danakate> I used to have a torch style nick, but nickserv ate it.

<_danakate> Somebody *ask* something already, I'm biting my nails
here!

<Guest 13> Well, here's a safe starter question for you, torch...

<guest 1> Okay...what I've been most curious about is, how do
you plan such *HUGE* stories?

<_danakate> Plan?

<guest 1> Yes, plan<g>!

<Guest 13> Are most of your stories the result of conversations which
you have with other fans or explicit requests, or are they the
product of your intrinsic desire to put the characters into given
situations ?

<_danakate> I don't actually plan much... plot.. whatever. I usually
have a pretty clear idea of the general mood of the story, and
roughly where I want the characters to end up emotionally and in
relation to each other.

<_danakate> The *plot* plot tends to grow as I write--

<Guest 15> you dont' do chapter outlines?

<_danakate> Guest 13, definitely the latter. I get an idea and my mind
runs with it. The whole "what if..." thing. Sure I occasionally get
ideas from things other peopel say (or ask for <g>) but it's the
exception, not the rule...

<_danakate> No, Guest 15, I don't do chapter outlines. I do little
scribbles on the backs of envelopes sometimes.

<_danakate> And when I'm about halfway through, or two thirds
through, a longer story I do a little outline of the rest of it to
make sure I don't leave anything important out, but I usually do
anyway. <g>

<guest 1> It's reassuring to me to hear that you don't have any fancy
system for planning those!

<Guest 15> have you ever written a line or scene and said to
yourself...oh, they are going to love this...this phrasing is just
perfect!

<_danakate> Sometimes, but it never seems to work that way--people's
favorite lines are not mine and vice versa. But I live in hope. <g>

<Guest 5> Tell us a couple of yours?

<Guest 15> i just loved the scene of mulder and alex sitting on the
floor with the map between them (from lovers) you description is
just marvalous there

<Guest 11> Do you ever dream about the guys, torch?

<_danakate> A couple of my what--fave lines? Um, that feels
weird, but...

<_danakate> YOu mean when I'm asleep, Guest 11? <g> Occasionally.
I had a great dream about Mulder in a library once.

<guest 1> Do you get anything out of your own smut?

<_danakate> Um, could someone clarify that question for me a little,
please? <g>

<guest 1> Does the person who brought it up want to clarify it?

<_danakate> If it's as personal as it appears, I think I'll take the
fifth... ;-)

<_danakate> On a more general level, if I didn't get *something* out
of writing smut, I wouldn't do it.

<guest 1> I'm thinking maybe it's What pleasure do you get out of
writing slash (?)

<Guest 12> Oh, sure that was me.. I just wanted to know if the smut
came as naturally as everything else.

<_danakate> Naturally? God no. It takes me five times as long to write
a sex scene as any other kind of scene. At least.

<_danakate> But I struggle, and struggle... <brave look>

<guest 20> <comforting danakate>

<guest 16> The struggle is worth it torch - they come out
beautifully.

<_danakate> Thank you, guest 20 :-)

<_danakate> It's getting a little crowded here... I think someone's
sitting on my hair.

<Guest 13> Should I hold you hair, like a dutiful husband, torch ? Or
should I just send you more chocolate-coated coffee beans ?

<_danakate> Hold my hair and fan me!

<_danakate> God, I love being spoiled.

<guest 1> Okay, are we ready for a new question? And thanks, folks,
for your patience.

<guest 1> WHAT ARE your Skinner issues?

<guest 1> <g>

<_danakate> My Skinner issues. Oh god, we're getting serious here,
aren't we...

* _danakate looks nervous

<_danakate> Okay, I had something of a problem with Skinner.

<guest 20> He's big, surly, burly and silent.

<guest 16> And remember torch, you are now in the AD's office.

<Guest 12> Hey, I didn't ask it *that* way...

<Guest 7> and he's tidying, even as we speak...

<guest 1> Hey, but we welcome all viewpoints! ;^)

<guest 8> Skinner smut is much easier to write. You don't have to
make him talk at all!

<_danakate> Well yes, guest 20, that's the problem. <g> I found it
difficult to get a grip on him which is why I haven't written him
much. Never could figure out whether he had a sense of humor, and...
well.

<guest 1> He's not very well defined on the show, then, torch? That
keeps you wary of him?

<_danakate> I did figure out after a while that it's not so much canon
Skinner I dislike as fanfic and slash Skinner--some of the slash
Skinners. I personally dislike Big Strong and Butch-- it makes me
aggressive. <g> I don't see the attraction. By now I'm figuring out
(bright girl) that I'm allowed to write him my own way and make him
more complex.

<Guest 9> Doesnt that "not being well defined" give the author
a certain freedom he/she might like?

<guest 20> You let him open up with Mulder, he can be just as
witty.

<_danakate> So I have actually written *one* Sk/M story.

<guest 1> Good point, guest 9!

<Guest 7> GenSkinner tends to be better rounded than SlashSkinner

<guest 1> So we've heard <g>!

<Guest 7> in a literary sense, that is

<guest 1> I mean, about the M/Sk you did. ;^)

<_danakate> Yes, less defined characters can be a blessing, just
look at Krycek. With Skinner it was just that a lot of early slash
set him so definitely as the Big Dom Guy that I forgot it wasn't
canon. <g>

<Guest 13> *g* I agree with torch there: there're a definite
divergence, in many cases, between the canon characters, and the
fanfic ones. Authors projecting, possibly ?

<_danakate> Well, what'sfanfic for? <g>

<guest 16> So Torch, now that you've given it some thought, hw do
you see Skinner?

<_danakate> How do I see Skinner now? Um... in the middle.

<_danakate> *grin*

<guest 16> In the middle of M & K?

<_danakate> Not sure he'll ever be a favorite character of mine, but
I'm determined to give him a chance. :-)

<guest 20> Ooooh, in the middle. <dreamily>

<Guest 7> And bless you for that little vision you gifted us with,
torch

<Guest 12> And the Skinnerlovers rejoice!

<_danakate> Yeah, I was thinking after Disco 2001 that I want to
see those two gang up on him, so to speak.

<_danakate> I think the real problem with Skinner is that I can't
quite get a grip on him dialogue-wise--the others I can hear talking
as easy as anything.

<Guest 7> that's the sort of idea that can change your whole
perspective on a character

<guest 20> Ah, I don't have any problem with Skinner dialogue,
actually.

<Guest 13> <nod> Do you also get the impression that Skinner only
says about 1/20th of what he thinks, and just censors himself a lot?


<guest 20> Yes.

<_danakate> Yes, Guest 13, something like that.

<Guest 21> Torch have u read the slash written by SeanSpencer?

<Guest 2> Guest 13... you got a point there. His facial expression
says a lot tho.

* _danakate whaps Guest 21 gently but firmly

<Guest 9> Guest 13, but that's something an author can change... on
the show, we only see him in the Office, more or less.

<_danakate> Er, yes, I have. <g>


<_danakate> I know an author can change that, but the problem is that
you have to have a clear idea of what you want to change it to.

<_danakate> Sorry, Guest 21; to be diplomatic, I've read the stories
and they are not among my favorites.

<guest 20> Well, I have a really clear idea of Skinner--probably a
deeply Freudian problem, I admit.

<_danakate> Freudian problems exist to be exploited.

* Guest 12 points out that slash canon makes oral fixations a *good*
thing

<guest 1> I still have quite a few questions here given to me
privately...if that's all right with you folks. ;^)

<_danakate> Well it's all right with me...

<guest 16> Torch, do you read much M/Sk or do you just prefer M/K?

<guest 1> May I ask the next one? Are you ready for something new,
torch?

<_danakate> I read everything. I'm a fanfic slut.

<guest 1> Okay, NEW QUESTION:

* _danakate cracks knuckles, prepares to field questions...

<guest 1> Did a story/scene you tryied to write ever get totally out
of hand (too dark/too wild, etc.)?

<_danakate> Totally out of hand...

<_danakate> No, not really. Well, maybe Midwinter.

<guest 1> The whole story felt like it was getting out of hand?

* Guest 11 clarifies: like writing *yourself* into a depression <g>

<_danakate> Something like that. All I started out with was "Mulder
on the streets, future, meets Krycek instead of Skinner, a little
darker."

<_danakate> And then, you know, things just... happened.

<guest 1> Oh,yes, that one did get very dark!

<_danakate> But no, I don't write myself into depressions. When
I was done with the story I didn't feel it was that depressing and I
was surprised at the reactions--because I'd been in there and it had
felt so logical at the time, I wasn't even thinking about it being
maybe a little sad.

* Guest 5 shakes her head in mystification. "Not entirely
cheerful."

<guest 1> A new MAIN question now...coming up...

<Guest 12> That makes a lot of sense, actually... when you're that
close to events....

<Guest 7> "maybe a little sad."

<_danakate> Are you impling I need to get over this understatement
business?

<_danakate> implying <g> Impling sounds like a baby imp.

<guest 20> Nah, understatement is the key to great angst.

<Guest 5> No, no! We love your understatements. We just need to
learn to translate them.

<guest 1> Have you ever found your feelings about a character
changing drastically as you write, either liking or disliking him more
than intended as you explore his character?

<guest 20> Otherwise it goes over the top, which is the mistake most
writers make, I think, in writing angst.

<Guest 12> The understatement makes it easier to laugh after you've
ripped our souls out. <g>

<_danakate_> And the truth is that I can't write about anyone without
liking them, including the bad guys, so...

<_danakate_> I wasn't expecting to fall quite so badly in love with
Alex though.

<Guest 5> You made us *all* fall in love with him.

<Guest 7> He does tend to sneak up on one, doesn't he? Kinda a
stealth lover

<Guest 21> I loved Alex way before the stories...

<Guest 5> I fell hard on page 1 of Ghosts. Wham.

<guest 1> So you started off liking Mulder, mainly, huh?

<guest 16> I agree, Torch. Yours was the first M/K story I read where
I said, wow, I don't hate this guy :)

<_danakate_> *grin* There I was, wondering about this whole XF slash
business, and this guy starts talking in my head about his missing
arm!

<_danakate_> I started off just liking XF and generally liking
the character of Mulder and the concept of slash. <g>

<_danakate_> I didn't actually think Mulder was attractive until I'd
written about him...

<guest 1> Here's a sub_MAIN question related to this one....

* _danakate_ plays with the doll and ponders Mulder's attractiveness
and sub questions...

<guest 1> "What characteristics does a villain
have that makes you like them?"

<guest 20> Conflicted villains are the best.

<_danakate_> God, what a question. Like I said, any character
I've created myself, I like, so--

* Guest 12 agrees with guest 20... though just plain evil is rather
sexy too

<guest 1> Okay, on to a new one??

<_danakate_> I like complex villains, with tangled psyches and messy
childhoods and lots of attitude. :-)

<guest 1> " NEW: What are your feelings about safe sex in slash
stories?"

<_danakate_> I dislike it when a character I really like is
turned into a stereotype villain.

<_danakate_> Sorry, I got to thinking more about the villain thing.
But, you know, like stories that turn Krycek into a Plot Device
Villain/Rapist, or whatever.

<guest 20> On the one hand, I have a brother who is HIV positive, so I
feel strongly about safe sex, on the other hand, there is something to
be said in this era for the heat of unsafe sex

<_danakate_> It's not that I mind him as a villain, but if he's going
to be bad I want there to be a reason for it, not just that the writer
needed someone to hurt the main characters.

<_danakate_> I'm definitely a generation latex girl. I worked aids
concerns into the first m/m smut story I wrote, when I was twelve. And
with slash set in a contemporary world, it's hard to ignore--

<_danakate_> But I don't feel that people have to write safe sex slash
if they don't want to- -I know there are lots of arguments about that.
I like to be able to write the occasional story where I don't have to
fiddle with condoms... (I am still sneakily pleased with myself for
getting around that in Lovers)

<_danakate_> It was easier writing in Voyager, really. No worries
about disease etc.

<Guest 21> no one has to do anything the don't want to.. but do u feel
its irresponsible ?

<Guest 2> NEW: "How do you create original characters?"

<Guest 12> Sub question:

<Guest 13> Certainly, an author shouldn't feel as though they have to
reflect all the mores of society... or even their readership, for that
matter

<_danakate_> Do I feel it's irresponsible? In fiction? No. I don't
think it's a writer's duty to do, be, say *anything*. If s/he wants
to, fine.

<Guest 12> Does it make a difference in your reading
enjoyment to read a story without safe sex?

<guest 1> [are you feeling too swamped, torch?]

<_danakate_> I'm still stuck with the first safe sex stuff! Guest 21,
In RL I most definitely feel that people should practice safe sex. In
fiction, I personally feel that contemporary slash should touch on the
issues if it's aiming to be somewhat realistic. But I don't think
anyone *has* to work with these issues, feel obliged to. Fiction is
one of the few places where you *don't* have to think about latex--

<_danakate_> Where were we? <g>

<_danakate_> reading a supposedly realistic story w/o safe sex does
make me react, usually, yes. I suppose I draw a line between
humor/fantasy type stories and more seriously 'grounded' stories.

<_danakate_> Ok, I think we can move on--I saw another question but
I've forgotten it...


<Guest 2> NEW: "How do you create original characters?"

<guest 1> good one.

* guest 1 hugs torch for hangin' in there.

<_danakate_> You don't, I mean I don't. They just appear. My main
problem is usually trying to prevent too many of them from sneaking
into the story and stealing the spotlight.

<Guest 4> and is Lou the only one you've "played" with?

<Guest 13> Does Laura-Ann's appearance in "Ghosts" count ?

<_danakate_> Oh poor Lou... Lou's the only one I've done *that* to.
<g>

<_danakate_> No, LA doesn't count, and C appearing in Lovers
doesn't count either!

<_danakate_> With original characters, I personally feel
<pontificating air> that it's important to make them real people. God,
I'm so good at handing out cliches. <g> If they're not they are plot
devices and No Fun At All. I love to add in characters, to give them
weird relationships, strange habits. Let them cruise Mulder. <g>

<Guest 15> have you ever based an original character on someone you
know?

<_danakate_> Guest 15, not exactly. I've given characters the
physical appearance of people I know, but they've always been
different people. And I've occasionally put friends in cameo roles,
but very small ones.

<_danakate_> OF course everything I write is based on everything I
know. <g>

<_danakate_> And everyone I know...

<_danakate_> I think it would be a little too evil to just dump
someone I know into one of my stories as a major character.

<Guest 15> how do you determine what kind of characteristics to give
to Ocs....based on what the story needs or just what you want from
them at the moment

<_danakate_> Guest 15, I don't really plan it, it just happens. It's
the dialogue that does it. They say something and that tells me who
they are.

<Guest 15> have you ever thought: oh no, I've put too much
of this OC into this story

<Guest 2> New Question Alert:

<guest 1> NEW: "Do you consider your characters gay? bisexual? is it
easier for you not to 'label' your characters? is that because of your
own sexuality?"

<_danakate_> I've worried about it, yes, with Linda in Ghosts and Yun
in Lovers, but usually I decide that it's what the story needs...

<Guest 21> what about Mulder and Alex though?

<_danakate_> Most of the time I tend to think of my characters as
bisexual, unless they disagree really loudly. I tend to see the whole
world as bisexual until told otherwise...

<Guest 21> I guess that's poetic license on ur part ..

<Guest 21> why do u think bisexuality is 'better'??

<Guest 21> or just easier to write about?

<Guest 5> I think the slash world tends to be that way much more than
the real world. Maybe because it's women writing most of it? * Guest
12 thinks torch's world is a good one.

* Guest 15 kinda would have liked to have met Yun's wife from
Lovers....just to see Krycek's reaction

<Guest 9> Is it really better? You don't have a choice in that, I
think...

<guest 20> No, I think that the world is, in fact, more bisexual, but
homophobia prevents us from recognizing it.

<_danakate_> I dislike labels, so I usually don't have them or anyone
else say "I'm bisexual!!!" but my working assumption is usually that
they are--with Mulder we have canon girlfriends etc, and with Krycek
it's just so hard to imagine him any other way.

<Guest 21> ic..

* Guest 12 nods at guest 20

<Guest 21> so u label them bisexual instead

<Guest 21> u consider it 'safer ground'

<Guest 21> ?

<Guest 21> no one feels left out maybe if u make them
bisexual?

<_danakate_> Wait, wait... Better? I don't really think of
anything as being better. But from a slash writing point of view, ti's
easier to have the characters be bi than to have to let them go
through this great big OH GOD I THOUGHT I WAS STRAIGHT thing in every
story.

<_danakate_> Sorry, but I have a really small screen and I
have to go back a bit to see what everyone said while I was
thinking.

<Guest 21> and u think that a heterosexually suddenly seeing
themselves as bisexual doesn't go through that??

<guest 20> Hey, these guys are in their thirties, if they haven't
figured out what their needs are, they're more fucked up than canon
shows.

<_danakate_> I also think, like guest 20, that more people are
bisexual than are aware of it--

<Guest 12> Which just doesn't feel very real after a while.

<Guest 5> Though it can have its moments (Hard as hell).

<_danakate_> No, guest 21, that was my whole point--if they are aware
of being bi, they don't have to do that--

<_danakate_> Well yes, sometimes you just have to take that Clueless
Het Boy and make him come to his senses.

<Guest 5> guest 21, I think the point is that they can have "thought
of themselves" as bi all along even if they were engaging in (canon)
het relationships.

<Guest 21> ic..

<Guest 12> train him, as it were...

<Guest 21> so u guys feel t hat because Mulder had sex with a
girl 2 yrs ago..

<Guest 21> and suddenly he is in bed with Alex...

<Guest 21> that makes him bi? not possibly gay?

<_danakate_> Of course writing a world where everyone is bisexual may
cause its own problems if you're trying to be realistic. <g>

<Guest 13> I think that "Ghost" was a prime example of the process
that torch is trying to describe...

* Guest 23 tries to remind Guest 21 that there's a Freudian thesis
that we all are born bisexual and only society trains us in one
direction

<Guest 13> ...that he's suddenly sharing close-quarters
with Alex, but that anything else comes along as a more gradual
revelation

<Guest 21> we are all NOT BORN bisexual

<_danakate_> guest 21, I think everyone has their own
interpretations, but I personally don't feel that M would be sleeping
with women if he didn't want to, and for reasons of my own I want him
to sleep with Alex, and he'll have sufficient problems with that
without having to have a problem with the fact that they're both guys.
So in torch's world, he's bisexual. YMMV.

<Guest 21> actually I have known gaymen to have married women even
when they didn't really want to ..for fear

<Guest 21> but..u might know more than me..I am just a fag..;-)

<_danakate_> Guest 21, I am talking about a few characters in a
sub-universe of my own creating. In the real world, all kinds of
things go on. This is how I see these guys--that's all.

<Guest 21> yes of course..I understand..

<guest 16> guest 21, I think that the writer chooses their own
interpretation of the characters sexuality. It's not supposed to
reflect all the different readers' experiences.

<_danakate_> Okay :-)

<Guest 21> I was just trying to figure out ur reasoning..behind it all


<_danakate_> Reasoning? A combination of prurient interest and
practical considerations. <g>

<_danakate_> I'm feeling a little limp here... are there any more
questions? ;-)


Continue to part 2.