by Vanasati

Disclaimer: Star Trek is the property of Paramount and Viacom. This is only amateur fan fiction, I make no money with it and mean no infringement on their rights.

Many thanks to Wildcat, my overworked beta reader. Remaining errors are mine.

Dedication: When I saw the pairing, I instantly thought of 'Ghost in The Machine' from the wonderful Killashandra and of the sequel 'Postscript' written by Colleen. This too is a sequel to 'Ghost in The Machine' and I suggest you read this first. So this is for Killa, because reading her story 'Turning Point' was a turning point for me too - and because she gave me permission to post this.

And Kira-nerys, if you recognize the title, yes, it is from the list you sent to ascem some time ago.

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"The shadows of the choices we've made never entirely disappear, even on the brightest day."

Tom Paris in 'Ghost in The Machine' by Killashandra

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It is now two years since Voyager returned from the Delta Quadrant.

Two years that Voyager spent at Utopia Planitia to be poked and prodded at, to give all her new technologie to Alpha Quadrant scientists and to get a full once over herself.

Two years that had her crew become accustomed to being "at home" again. Curious, how - as the first excitement over being home finally calmed down - most of us felt that "home" for us was Voyager.

So it is no wonder that nearly all of the original crew reported in when Captain Janeway asked if we would.

So have Harry and I. Voyager is the place where we found each other. My life has never been the same since I gathered all the courage I have and told Harry that I loved him.

Of course, I may never have said those words without him. I owe him my happiness. But I'd never have thought that I'd ever be able to repay my debt.

Then, last week there was that big reception at Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco. The Romulans finally have made peace with the Federation. We are true allies now.

Every admiral and captain, all the VIP's of the Federation, everybody who ever got a medal was there and so was I, the first one to cross the warp ten barrier.

The big ballroom was crowded with people. Ambassadors, politicians and rulers from all Federation planets made their speeches. I soon stopped trying to follow every word. I soon was bored. Until I heard his voice. I stood in the back of the room, sipping my champagne, when he began his speech, and my head went up.

I shouldn't have been surprised for him to be here. After all, the work he did on Romulus was the main part making the peace negotiations come true. He made it possible that the Romulans joined the Dominion war on behalf of the Federation in the first place.

There he stood, tall, dark and angular. His voice easily carried over to where I stood, and I found my heart pounding. I waited. Waited for his speech to end, for the mass of people surrounding him to vanish, for him to finally decide he had enough of socializing and prepare to leave.

Then I stepped into his way. He looked up and our eyes met.

"Ambassador."

He inclined his head and wanted to proceed, but I stopped him.

"A word, please."

Again he looked at me. I saw recognition dawn in the dark eyes.

"Mr. Paris."

"Yes. Please, could I talk to you for a moment?"

His gaze was piercing me and I tried not to fidget under his scrutiny.

"What can I do for you?"

I took a deep breath. "It is about. . . your programm. The one I wrote for you."

I swear I saw him flinch. He held up a hand.

"Not here. Please, come with me."

I followed him out. In silence we paced through the hallways, rode a lift and finally halted in front of a wooden door. He opened it and gestured for me to come in.

He came after me and closed the door. Then he ushered me into the living room. He sat down and I did the same opposite of him.

Again his dark eyes pierced me and nervously I knotted my hands together. Suddenly I wasn't so sure that I did the right thing. Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I had misunderstood his intentions in sending the program back to me. Maybe I should've destroyed it before. . .

"Mr. Paris. Now would be a good time to tell me."

I looked up again and met his eyes. His face was stone, the Vulcan mask firmly in place once again.

I took a deep breath.

"I had the disk with me. I kept it with my few belongings that I carried around. I didn't want to leave it somewhere, you know?"

No reaction. He just looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"I had nearly forgotten about it. But then Harry found it and asked me what it was."

He frowned at that and hastily I reassured him.

"I didn't tell him. But then all I could think of was that program. I had never entered it myself after all, bevore sending it to you and I was curious. . . and I thought that maybe you sent it back to me for a reason. . ."

I searched his face for confirmation, but he just sat there, his back rigid, his hands clasped together in his lap. I went on.

"I decided I'd just have a look. But then I met him, Sir."

His lips tightened and his face paled. I cleared my throat and went on.

"When he first saw me I thought he'd jump my bones and kill me. But then. . . we talked and I realized that he was aware."

The memories flooded back into me and I could feel it all over again - Kirk, standing in front of me, radiating pain and grief, anger and sorrow. I'm sure some of it showed on my face. I could see it clearly reflected in Spock's eyes now.

He swallowed. The he asked: "Could you comfort him?" His voice was hoarse.

I bit my lip. "I. . . yes, I could. I think. I wasn't so sure who was comforting whom in the end. We. . . "

I just couldn't say it. My memories were running wild now, I could feel Kirk's warm skin under my touch, his hands on me. My face flushed, I could feel the warmth spreading over my skin.

He understood. I could see it in his eyes. For a moment I could see hurt plainly written all over his face. Betrayal from the man he had wanted to love and from me, whom he'd given his trust. But then his expression shifted into something else.

He leaned forward and whispered: "Share your memories with me."

It was not exactly a plea nor a demand. And of course, there was only one answer to that.

"Yes."

He leaned forward just a bit more and his hands were on my face. Touching the melding points, he intoned the ritual words I had heard from Tuvok several times: "My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts. . ."

And there he was in my mind and I could clearly feel his hunger. His longing and lust nearly crushed me. Then I concentrated on my memories of Kirk and what happened between us. I felt Spock enter those memories, and somehow I had the sensation of him melding with me - with body and mind. I could feel once again Kirk's skin under my fingers, his cock in my mouth. I could feel him shaking against me. I saw him wet his fingers and smooth the moisture around the head of my cock, telling me thus he wanted me inside him. I felt again the pressure of his body around me and his warm seed as he came into my hand.

At the same time I could somehow feel Spock. I felt his hard, hot frame under my hands, his cock buried in my body, his lips on mine. I could smell his scent, copper and musk, felt his teeth on my nipples, his tongue in my ear.

I knew that only his fingertips touched me, but I felt his hands all over me and I lost track of who I was, who I was with, who was making love to whom, I just knew that I was burning, and then I climaxed, my breath coming in hard, short gasps and my eyes flew open.

Spock was breathing hard too. His eyes were bright. Softly he touched my cheek with his hand and I leaned into this touch, closing my eyes for a moment, trying to compose myself. I had come in my pants and I felt like a fool.

"Do not." Spock's voice was soft.

I opened my eyes again and the look he gave me nearly undid me.

"He has forgiven me." Spock stated quietly.

I nodded. "He loved you." My voice was rough and my throat hurt. "He told me to tell you, should I ever meet you again."

Spock inclined his head. Then he looked at me again with a question in his eyes. "The program. . ."

I had to swallow. "He asked me to delete it."

I felt him shudder once. Then he removed his hand and stood. He went into the fresher and returned with a wet cloth. With unexpected tenderness he cleaned me up as best as could be done.

"Thank you." I said, my voice shaking.

"Thank you, Tom Paris. You have given me a gift today. I will not forget that." He stood and held up his hand in the Vulcan greeting. "Live long and prosper."

This was goodbye. I too stood and held up my hand. "Live long and prosper Ambassador."

I turned and left. I walked down the corridors out of the building and right to the shuttle that was waiting for me. Suddenly I couldn't wait to get away from here. I thought about Harry, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest again. I would fly home. I would tell him that I love him, over and over and then I would make love to him for the rest of my life.

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End