by Merri Todd
Webster
THE
OVERTURE: Paramount owns the characters, the ship, and the
universe generally. I, however, own a certain doctor, two nurses,
a boringly peaceful planet, and another character who appears
later on (but I'm not giving anything away).
Believe it or not, this story will contain m/f, f/f, and m/m
sex--all between the same two people. Am I weird, or what? If any
of these concepts bother you, please leave now, and go watch
"Three's Company" or something for a less
imaginative view of sexuality.
I really don't know where this came from. Honest. It snuck up
behind me and hit me over the head while I was trying to think
about two other stories. Harry made me do it, okay? Satisfied,
Har? You oughta be, after this much sex....
Okay to post to PKSP and BLTS and to archive at R'rain's,
the PKSP site (when we have one), and the BLTS site (if there is
one).
This story has to be dedicated to Amirin and to my husband, John.
Amirin, because she proved herself as true a friend as Our Boys
are to one another, by talking over this story with me every
night that I was writing it. Without her help, it would be far
different and probably much less interesting. John, because he
is, always, the Tom to my Harry and the Harry to my Tom. Love to
them both.
---
"Space... the final frontier."
prologue to "Star Trek"
---
"Let's take each other's hand
As we jump into the final frontier
Mad about you, baby...."
theme from "Mad About You"
---
"So what do you want to do, Tom?" Harry asked.
Tom frowned into his cup of thick magenta "coffee." As
the sun set in the eastern sky, the rings around the planet
gradually became visible against the deepening darkness, like a
curved blade of silver, violet, and blue. Beneath that striking
arch, the citizens of Moshnesh, capital of Grethi province on the
planet Harrogeth, were hurrying home with the single-mindedness
of starlings heading for their nightly roost. It was barely 8 pm
local time, but it was obvious that, provincial capital or no,
Moshnesh was about to roll up its sidewalks for the night. The
two men were faced with the choice between searching for a hotel,
when everything was closing up, or else giving up and beaming
back up to the ship for the night, resuming their shore leave in
the morning.
"I'll settle up," Tom replied. He got up and went
to the service counter, digging in his pocket for the temporary
credit card he'd been issued. The tired-looking counterperson
took it with a relieved smile. "Is there a hotel nearby that
could give us a room, this time of night?"
The counterperson stuck out his tongue in thought, an oddly
feminine gesture, to Tom's eye. "Maybe the Ninestars,
respected one. It's big and expensive, but that's just
why it will be open. Cross the boulevard, turn left, and make a
right at the next intersection--it's the largest building on
the block."
"Thanks." Tom went back to the table where Harry was
still sitting, brooding over his tea. "I've got
directions to a hotel, if you want to stay."
Harry nodded. "Fine." He gulped the last of the tea as
he stood up.
They left the cafe in a hurry, dodging determined pedestrians to
get to the curb of the wide sidewalk. "They remind me of my
father's cousins in Minnesota," Tom complained under his
breath. "All sensible and wholesome and early to bed and
early to rise--"
The sunset was in their eyes, blue and white, as they stepped
into the street, and Harry was looking at Tom, and Tom was
complaining, exaggerating for the sake of effect. So they
didn't see the police groundcar rounding the corner any more
than its driver saw them.
---
"They've lost too much blood, respected. Their lifesigns
are dropping rapidly below the norms the ship's doctor
indicated."
The surgeon thumped the crash cart and swore. "Why can't
their ship transport them back?"
"The transporter systems have malfunctioned since they
transported down, apparently because of local radiation in the
Skybelt. Chances are they may die before one of their
shuttlecraft could retrieve them."
The head nurse looked gravely at the monitor on which the two
aliens' lifesigns were displayed. "Call it now,
respected, or else call the sacred technicians."
The surgeon stood absolutely still, one hand raised. It was
covered with the shockingly red blood of one of the aliens.
"We'll have to risk giving them our plasma."
More than one person present stifled a gasp, but the head nurse
moved instantly to carry out the order. The surgeon turned to
stare unblinkingly at the lifesigns monitor as the two aliens
received the donation of plasma.
"Heartrates are rising." There was almost triumph in
the surgeon's voice.
"Respiration is stabilizing." The head nurse sounded as
calm as ever.
The surgeon turned to the assistant. "Let's go ahead and
close."
---
Harry could not remember ever having such a bad headache. Not
even the time Great-Grandma Lillian had tripped and dropped the
wok on him, when he was seven, or the first time he'd had
real liquor, not just wine or synth, and gotten drunk and sworn
he'd never do it again. This was like the hangover, only more
so. And he couldn't open his eyes. He turned his head from
side to side.
"Lie still." A gentle voice, a soft but measuring hand
on his cheek, an authoritative presence. Harry tried to
speak.
"Are you in pain?"
"Yes," he croaked.
A wonderful, refreshing wave of cool water. Almost enough to
assuage the pain by itself. A few more swallows, then a tablet of
medicine, followed by more water.
"Not too much. We don't want you to choke."
Soothing touches on his cheek and shoulder.
"What...?"
"You were hit by a police car while you crossed the street
and smashed up rather badly. We contacted your ship at once, but
their transporters had developed a malfunction since you last
used them. Your ship's doctor downloaded some basic
guidelines so we could treat you ourselves, although I fear our
medicine is not as sophisticated as yours."
"My--my friend?"
"He is no worse than you. You may be able to see one another
tomorrow. Now, I have other patients, but I will be back in less
than an hour. If you feel worse or have any difficulties before I
come back, squeeze this." Something small and round pressed
into his right hand. "Can you squeeze it?"
Harry tightened his fingers. "Good. My pager received that.
Now I will put on some music for you before I go."
Footsteps, vaguely Baroque-sounding music from somewhere in the
room, receding footsteps. Harry drifted.
---
"Tom!"
Harry tried to sit up, but both Tom's nurse and his own,
Kigrit, glared at him with almost physical force. Grinning the
trademark Paris grin, Tom limped into Harry's room, supported
by his nurse on one side and a crutch on the other. Despite the
grin, the relief was obvious on his face when the two nurses
steered him into a chair beside the bed.
"You two have taken much longer to recover than you should
have," Kigrit scolded. "I still cannot let Harry use
the commode on his own, let alone allow him to roam the halls
like his friend."
"And you should see how this one flirts," complained
the other nurse, suppressing a smile. "He does not seem to
care which is the object of his charm."
"Now, Bindi," Tom drawled, "it works on you,
doesn't it?" Laughing, the two nurses withdrew. Tom
reached over and took Harry's hand. "How do you feel,
Har?"
"Like I was hit by a large six-wheeled vehicle," Harry
joked weakly. The pressure of Tom's fingers against his own
was comforting. "The surgeon came in, Dr. Itzam I think it
is, said I've got some kind of infection from the glass
shards or something."
"Yeah, I had that, too, but the antibiotics cleared it
up." Tom poured two cups of water and helped Harry drink
first. "You should be okay in no time."
"Hah." Harry coughed, then went on. "We've
already been here, what, two days? If we'd been beamed back
to the ship, we'd have gone back on duty the next
day."
"Well, the transporters are still off-line, so just lie back
and enjoy your shore leave." Tom grimaced. "It beats
Akritiri, anyway."
Harry shuddered, then bit back a little groan because the motion
had hurt. They didn't want to give him too much analgesic,
for fear of dependency, and the therapeutic touch they used on
him helped a lot but didn't last long. Tom reached over and
stroked back the hair from his friend's forehead. The first
time he'd come to see Harry, Harry'd still been bandaged
like something out of an old 2-D horror movie. The head bandages
were gone now, but the younger man's hair felt greasy under
Tom's fingers, and there was a nasty scar running back into
the hairline on Harry's temple.
Tom suddenly noticed that Harry was looking at him from under
drooping lids. Tom pasted on a fresh grin, hoping his face
hadn't shown the tenderness he felt. "Why don't we
call Kigrit, see if she can give you a dose of pills or another
rubdown?" he suggested. Harry nodded and let Tom squeeze the
pager for him.
---
"Well, they did their best," the Doctor observed in his
usual acerbic tone, "but their best is about 400 years
behind ours."
Harry tried not to wince as the regenerator removed the scar on
his forehead and rewove the skin into its original smoothness.
Tom sat on a nearby biobed, kicking his legs because both were
now good as new.
Finished with Harry's scar, the Doctor picked up his
tricorder and scanned first Harry, then Tom for one last time. He
frowned over the readings. "There are minor fluctuations in
your hormone levels unaccounted for by your injuries. Both of
you--" he glanced at the two men almost accusingly
"--have elevated estrogen levels, among other
anomalies."
"Estrogen? But that's a female hormone," Tom
objected. The Doctor favored him with a sardonic look.
"Very good, Mr. Paris. For your information, the Human
endocrine system produces both androgens and estrogens in both
males and females. It is the predominance of one, rather than the
absence of the other, which regulates sexual dimorphism."
The Doctor snapped shut the tricorder and moved to a wall monitor
to transfer the readings there. "And to think this man
serves as a medical technician," he muttered.
"So can we leave, Doc?" Harry asked. "And can we
return to duty?"
The Doctor turned around. "Yes, you may go. I'll tell
the Captain you may return to duty tomorrow."
"Thanks, but we've still got leave coming. Come on,
Harry, let's go get a drink at Sandrine's." Clapping
Harry lightly on the shoulder, Tom led the way out of Sickbay.
Behind them, the Doctor went back to scowling at the monitor.
---
Harry got off duty with a deep though internal sigh of relief.
What was wrong with him? Everyone on the bridge had gotten on his
nerves today. Tuvok's raised eyebrows, the Captain's
crisp speech, Chakotay's calm monotone, even Tom's
irrepressible cocky humor had all chafed at him like coughing
during a concert until he was ready to strangle his crewmates, or
else throw himself out an airlock. He just wasn't like that,
normally; little things didn't make him sweat, but lately
he'd been on edge all the time, prone to upset in all sorts
of ways. 'You need some time to yourself, Kim,' he told
himself as he got off the turbolift. 'Maybe a quiet dinner
alone in your quarters.'
After splurging on fried dumplings, lo mein, and Mongolian pork,
and putting in over an hour's practice on the clarinet, Harry
felt calmed enough to go to Sandrine's and socialize a
little. He hadn't seen Tom, or heard from him, since their
duty shift. Which was unusual, he reflected, and frowned. Tom
usually asked what Harry was doing for dinner; they usually ate
together. Yet Harry had disappeared and Tom hadn't even
bothered to check up on him. 'Some way to treat a
friend,' he thought, then stopped. 'What am I doing
getting all worked up over this? It's no big deal.'
Shaking his head, he went into the holodeck.
The first thing that greeted his eyes was Tom--dancing with
B'Elanna. A crowd of people were gathered round, watching and
laughing as Tom skillfully steered the Chief Engineer around an
improvised dance floor to the strains of the Glenn Miller
Orchestra. B'Elanna was blushing and laughing at the same
time as Tom twirled her around, one hand entwined with hers, the
other arm holding her firmly against him. Harry didn't notice
that his fingers curled up until his nails were digging
uncomfortably into his palms. He didn't notice the way his
breathing quickened, the way his cheeks heated up, the sudden
lightness in his head. He noticed only that Tom was pressed
against B'Elanna from belly to knee, moving gracefully with
her to some of Harry's favorite music. 'So this is why he
didn't bother to check with me.' A feeling of icy
coldness came over Harry. His spine stiffened, and he strode
between the tables, the chairs, the shoulders of his crewmates
onto the dance floor. "Mind if I cut in?"
Tom and B'Elanna stopped, poised in a tableau for a second
with wide eyes, wide mouths. Then Tom gracefully stepped aside,
half-bowing as he gestured to B'Elanna.
Harry flashed her a quick, hard grin. "Nothing personal,
B'Elanna, but it's him I want to dance with." He
pointed with his chin to Tom and stepped forward.
Tom stepped back, confused, as Harry reached for him.
"Harry--" The other man's hand closed on his wrist,
and Tom jerked away, pulling hard because he had to in order to
break the surprisingly tight grip. He looked up from the empty
hand, met Harry's eyes, and was shocked by the emotions he
read there: anger, jealousy, desire, wounded love. 'Love? No,
that can't be right--' Again Tom stepped back, frightened
by Harry's feelings and his own, by the way everything was
suddenly right on the surface, right there for everyone to
see.
'He doesn't want me. He'll never want me.'
Harry's face crumpled, drew in; he felt the sting of tears
filling his eyes, knew that Tom saw it, soon everyone would see
it, everyone in the room. Unable to do anything else, he turned
and fled.
Tom and B'Elanna and everyone else watched in astonishment as
Harry made a choked noise and ran out of the holodeck at full
speed. Nobody moved for a heartbeat; then, B'Elanna whacked
Tom on the arm. "Go after him!" she ordered. Tom
speedily obeyed.
Harry threw himself on his bed, sobbing. Gods, this couldn't
be happening. He couldn't be crying his heart out because his
best friend wasn't also in love with him. He couldn't
have just made a scene in a holographic bar, in front of half of
alpha shift. He couldn't be so in love with Tom Paris that it
hurt like hell to see him dancing with a woman. So why was he
crying? His chest felt so tight, his whole body heavy with the
ache of it, his limbs were lead, his skin was prickling oddly all
over. He was crying so loudly he didn't even hear Paris come
in and follow the noise of sobbing into the bedroom.
Harry flinched and rolled over at a touch on his back. Tom was
perched on the bed beside him, looking scared, confused, and
concerned all at once. A puzzled frown came over Tom's face
as he looked at the younger man. "Harry," he said,
sounding half exasperated, half frightened, "Harry, please
tell me what's wrong. What was that all about back
there?"
"You really are dense, Tom," Harry spat. "Why
should I explain anything to you?" He rolled over, turning
away from Tom.
Tom ran his fingers through his hair. "Harry, you really
threw me back there. I'm just having a good time with
B'Elanna, and then you charge in and say you want to dance
with me, and I look at you and think--think things that can't
be right."
Harry looked over his shoulder. "Like what things?"
Tom couldn't quite meet his friend's accusing stare.
"Like, well, like maybe you're interested in
me--interested in being more than friends."
To Tom's surprise, Harry sat up and began clapping.
"Brilliant, Mr. Paris. After how many years lost in the
Delta Quadrant, you finally notice something that's been
right under your nose the whole time. You fucking idiot.
You've been so busy chasing B'Elanna, you never even
looked at good old Harry. Good old Harry who's always there
when you need him but never in the way when you don't want
him around. Harry the sidekick, Harry the boring one, Harry the
convenient source of replicator rations--"
As Harry went on and on, Tom watched him with fascinated horror.
It wasn't just what Harry was saying, the shock of hearing
that he had the same feelings for Tom that Tom had been trying to
hide from him. It was because Harry's voice was getting
higher with every syllable, Harry's figure was slowly but
unmistakably altering beneath his loose civilian clothing, and
Harry Kim appeared to be turning into a woman before Tom's
eyes.
Tom scrambled off the bed and went backward, too fucking scared
to think straight, and Harry leaped to his feet, her feet, hands
on hips, screaming at Tom, "You coward! You can't even
face me! You--"
He stopped, dead silent, mouth still hanging open.
"Harry," Tom said, unable to say more.
Harry's hands smoothed over the rounded hips, dipped to the
base of the belly, rose trembling to the small high breasts, and
settled at last on the stricken face.
"Tom," he whispered, his voice husky and deep, but not
bass any more. Contralto. "Tom, what's happened to
me?"
Tom forced himself to approach Harry. "Harry," he said
again. "Harry, buddy--you're a woman."
Moving like a sleepwalker, Harry turned away and walked over to
his dresser, to look in the mirror. What he saw was someone, a
woman, his own height, with disheveled black hair in a mannish
style, breasts straining against the white fabric of the shirt,
hips pushing down the waistband of the black jeans. He turned to
the left, looked at the gap in the back where the buttocks were
too round for the cut of the pants, turned back, looked at the
bulge of fabric at the crotch with nothing to fill it.
Mesmerized, he stripped off the shirt, ignoring Tom's
protests, shimmied out of the confining jeans.
"That's me," he murmured. "I am a
woman."
Good muscle tone, but not as much bulk. Broad shoulders and
narrow waist, still, but the shoulders now supported pert
breasts, not too large, with the same blackberry nipples, and the
waist gave way into hips a little wider than the chest. Instead
of a very visible penis and testicles, there was only a neat
triangle of black hair at the join of the thighs, nothing else to
see. Probing fingers confirmed the presence of a vulva, cleft
protected by more hair, clitoris just large enough to be
felt.
The face that looked back at Harry Kim was the face of his
mother, his mother's sister, his father's mother. It was
his face, yet it was female. The slight softness that had always
been there was enhanced somehow. The seriousness, the directness,
the lurking humor were there, unchanged. He could imagine letting
the hair grow, down to the shoulders, the back, the buttocks,
running his hands through the silk of it and--
Feeling heat on his back, Harry shifted his gaze from the
astonishingly familiar face in the mirror to the face over the
left shoulder. Tom's face, wide eyes fixed on Harry. 'So
that's what he looks like when he's aroused.' For an
instant Harry felt anger that Tom could suddenly feel desire for
him just because he was female, regret that he hadn't always
been a woman, desire to answer Tom's--and that was
unsettling, that sudden churning inside, as if a whirlpool had
opened up somewhere in the core of him, and the most visible sign
of arousal the swelling of the breasts, the erection of the
nipples, rather than of the penis.
Then Tom moved, and the moment changed, irretrievably.
"Harry, we've got to get you to Sickbay. Put
on--something else, and we'll beam directly there."
---
"Well, well, well," said the Doctor. He looked
perversely pleased to see a female Harry Kim stretched out on his
biobed, dressed in loose black shirt and pants. "It appears
I was right after all." He began scanning Harry slowly and
thoroughly with the tricorder.
"Right about what, Doc?"
The Doctor ignored the question for a moment, absorbed in the
information from the scan. He then went to a monitor before
answering. "As I observed when you first returned to the
ship, you and Ensign Kim had elevated estrogen levels, along with
other anomalies in the readings which were not explained by
having been hit by a ground vehicle. I continued to examine your
readings and compare them with previous records. I believed there
was a chemical in your bloodstream which was not explained by the
medication you had received. Ensign Kim's current readings
confirm that."
The Doctor came back to the biobed and addressed his further
remarks to Harry. "In addition to estrogen levels comparable
to a normal Human female's, you have in your bloodstream a
sexual hormone which is not of Human origin. It appears to
function as a regulator for the balance between estrogens and
androgens, maintaining them at more nearly equal levels than in
Human body chemistry. In short, not only are you not male at the
moment, Ensign, but unless I can find a way to undo the change,
you will not be 100% male, in Human terms, ever again."
Harry looked faintly shocked, but so did Tom when the Doctor
began to scan him. "Mmm-hm," the EMH murmured
decidedly.
"What, Doc?" Tom's voice was tight with
apprehension.
"It's going to happen to you, too, Lieutenant."
"What?!" Tom stopped his hand, just in time, from
trying to smack the tricorder out of the Doctor's grasp.
"You may not be aware of it, but your estrogen levels are
much higher than normal, and steadily rising. If they continue to
do so, you also will become female. I can give you a shot of
androgens to palliate the situation--"
"Do it!"
"--But I cannot feed you testosterone indefinitely without
killing you," the Doctor finished calmly. He prepared a
hypospray and dosed Paris in the arm. "What I can do is
contact the Harrogeti and learn exactly what treatment you
received."
---
They both beamed back to Harry's quarters. Harry excused
himself to use the bathroom and came back looking almost
embarassed. Tom found himself looking all around the room, at the
couch, the music corner, anywhere but at Harry.
"Do I look that awful?" Harry asked wryly.
"Gods, no!" Tom blurted, then bit his lip. He tried to
put it more neutrally. "You're a great-looking guy,
Harry, and you make a beautiful woman." 'Yeah, that was
real neutral.'
Harry wandered over to the mirror, peered at himself, idly ran a
brush through his hair. There, that was better. "Do you
really think I'm beautiful?"
Tom considered all the answers he might make to that, all the
things he might say if a woman who was not also his best friend
and, until quite recently, a man asked him that question. He
discarded those possibilities and went for simplicity. "Yes,
I do. Because you are. I've always thought so."
Harry studied his--her?--face in the mirror. The face wasn't
really different, despite the changes in body shape and center of
gravity. He touched his breasts lightly. Was this all it took--a
little extra fat here and there? A cavity where there had once
been a protuberance? He turned back to Tom.
"Have you? Then why haven't you ever said so
before?"
Tom visibly gulped. "What do you mean?"
Harry leaned back, palms on the dresser, somehow knowing before
it happened that the posture threw breasts and hips forward.
"You've been my best friend for years now. We've
been through the best and the worst together, nearly died
together more than once, gotten drunk on synth together when one
of us broke up with somebody else. But I've never seen you
look at me the way you did when I was standing naked in front of
the mirror--"
"Harry, it was the shock," Tom broke in. "You
turned into a woman before my eyes, and then you took your
clothes off!"
Harry straightened up and crossed the room toward Tom. He felt
every motion of hips that wanted to make figure-eights as he
walked, every tremor of his unsupported breasts, every centimeter
of his soft cotton clothing against his skin. He stopped not half
a meter away from his friend, observing for the first time that
he had not lost any height through the change. He could still
look Tom in the eye, and those eyes were dark, with dilated
pupils. Tom's breathing had quickened just enough to be
noticeable, his lips had parted, and Harry knew, without
having to look, that his friend was getting an erection.
"You're looking at me the same way right now,"
Harry said. His voice dropped to a purr. "The shock must
have worn off by now, and I've got clothes on, just a black
shirt and pants like you've seen me wear a hundred times. But
I can tell by looking at you that you're aroused." He
put out a hand and lightly touched Tom's cheek, feeling it
flame beneath his fingertips even before the flush became
visible. "Was this all it took? Could I have had you years
ago if I'd only been a woman?"
Tom swallowed, fighting the impulse to take the hand that was
still hovering near his face and pull it away, kiss it, pull
Harry closer-- "Harry, what are you saying?"
Harry took a step forward. He was so close to Tom now that if he
took one deep breath, Tom would feel Harry's deliciously
tight nipples against his chest. Encouraged by the fact that Tom
didn't back away, he locked his eyes on Tom's and hoped
that his sexiest smile would look equally sexy on a female face.
'This could be your one chance, Kim. Don't blow
it.'
"I'm saying you want me, Tom Paris. Just as much as I
want you."
Harry saw Tom's eyes widen till they were nearly round. Those
eyes were all he saw as he closed the distance between them and
wrapped his arms around Tom's neck.
Firm lips under his, and the smell of Tom filling his
nostrils--was he more sensitive to odors now? Softness of the
hair under his fingers, hardness of the erection pressed against
his belly. Arms coming around his back, pulling him even closer,
and Tom's mouth opening. Harry wasted no time in taking
control of the kiss, holding Tom's face in his hands as their
tongues tried to mate like serpents.
They swayed and sank to their knees, still kissing, drinking one
another's mouths, and Tom's hand went to Harry's
breast, cupping the shape of it, teasing the nipple. Harry moaned
into Tom's mouth and tried to get to his feet, but somehow
wound up with Tom's mouth on that nipple and Tom's hands
on his ass, instead. There was that whirlpool feeling inside,
terribly strong, as fierce in its own way as the pointing of an
erect cock, yet somehow just a fraction easier to ignore. Harry
bit his lip and gently pushed Tom's head away.
"I don't want to do it on the deck."
Tom's head dropped to Harry's shoulder. "I'm
sorry, Harry. You came on so strong, and it felt so good.... I
don't want to rush you, really." He rolled to his feet.
"Lead the way."
Harry found he was trembling as he walked into the bedroom, Tom
right behind him. Was he crazy to do this? Were they both going
to regret it? He could stop, he knew he could stop, it
wouldn't kill either of them. And he was a virgin;
he'd been a woman for a few hours, and he thought he was
ready for sex. 'I'm a slut.' But he had waited so
long to see desire in Tom Paris's eyes, he had wanted it so
much, and his own desire was so keen right now, it might not be
as obvious from the outside anymore but he didn't think
he'd ever been so eager for it as a man, and he might not
have a better chance--
Harry turned around, and Tom was right there, gathering him in.
Gently, tenderly, no hurry, just a hug, warm and close, soft
kisses on Harry's hair. He wrapped his arms around Tom and
relaxed, breathing deeply, aware of Tom's scent and his own.
Tom's hands were running up and down his back, along the
unfamiliar curves that were rapidly coming to feel normal.
They'd always been touchy-feely friends, a pat on the back,
an arm around the shoulders, he'd hugged Tom when Tom had
left Voyager to trap a spy, but they'd never touched like
this. It felt so good. It felt like what he really wanted.
A hand brushed over his hair, down his cheek, touched shoulders
and breast lightly, and slipped up under Harry's shirt.
Tom's hand on bare skin, moving up the spine, then down.
Harry shivered, deliciously, and Tom stepped back, just far
enough to take hold of the shirt and pull it gently over
Harry's head. Tom tossed it aside and followed it with his
own shirt. Harry's arms had gone across his breasts, as if by
reflex, but when Tom's hands settled on his waist, he reached
up and wound his arms around Tom's neck.
Both of them moaned as skin touched skin. Harry shifted from side
to side, rubbing his aching nipples against Tom's chest,
feeling soothed and stimulated at once by the touch of the soft
fuzz there. His nipples had always been sensitive, but never like
this--women definitely had it better in the nipple department.
'Wonder if I'll be able to come just from having them
sucked, like Siobhan....'
Tom started nibbling on Harry's shoulders, as broad as ever
if a little less bulky, and felt his lover shiver--with pleasure,
apprehension, both? This was going to take all Tom's vaunted
skill as a lover, and all the tenderness he usually hid, as well.
This would not be the first time he'd initiated a virgin, or
the first time he'd crossed the border between friend and
lover, but this time it was both, and Harry besides. Not to
mention that until a few hours ago, Harry had been a man, and was
now a woman. This was weird, but wonderful. Man or woman, Harry
was the person Tom had cared most about in his entire life. Tom
hoped he'd have the courage to tell Harry that
eventually.
For the moment Tom thought about it, thought about how much he
loved Harry, as he ran his fingers through that glossy black
hair, kissed his way from shoulder to throat and lingered there,
listened to Harry whimpering as he used his teeth on a particular
spot, and finally made his way back to that delicious mouth and
ravished it, delighted to feel Harry ravishing him in return.
Harry was definitely aroused, very aroused. He could feel heat
between his legs, heightened awareness of the whole area, and
subtle changes in sensation that must mean he was getting wet,
opening up. Was it harder for a woman to be sure she wanted a man
than for a man to be sure he wanted a woman? He'd often
wondered that, but at the moment, he didn't have any doubts
about what he wanted. With a man's mind in a woman's
body, he wanted Tom Paris, and his body, mind, and heart were all
in agreement on the issue. With Tom kissing him senseless once
again, Harry reached for the opening of Tom's pants.
Whoa. Harry was trying to get his pants off, or at least get into
them. 'Way to go, Harry.' Again Tom stepped back to give
them room, his own fingers going to the drawstring of Harry's
trousers. Stripping off one another's pants simultaneously
was not done gracefully, and Harry started giggling when his
right foot got caught in the folds of his own pants just as he
got Tom's pants around his ankles. Harry's giggle,
throaty and really more of a chuckle, got Tom giggling,
high-pitched and a giggle for sure, and eventually they wound up
on the bed, naked and laughing.
The laughter died down as Tom took another good look at Harry.
Naked and female, graceful and strong at the same time, gorgeous
face and gorgeous breasts. Tom brushed reverent fingers over the
dark nipples, and Harry made a small noise, mirth driven away by
renewed arousal.
Tom piled the pillows up and Harry lay back, easing his legs
apart. There wasn't much room for two people in the bed, but
Tom got between Harry and the wall, propping himself on one
elbow. He rested a hand between Harry's breasts.
"You are so beautiful," Tom whispered. Harry
smiled.
"So are you," he replied, looping an arm around
Tom's neck. Another deep, slow kiss, and Harry began to
wonder if the moisture was running down his thighs, he felt so
wet. Without letting go of the kiss, Tom began brushing his
fingers over Harry's nipples again, first one breast, then
the other, until Harry was arching up against him, unmistakably
inviting more. Tom raised his head, to watch Harry's face as
he kneaded the rounded flesh, gradually increasing the
stimulation until he was pulling at the hard nipple between his
fingers. Harry's eyes were shut, his mouth open, and he was,
well, writhing, in a completely feminine way, his whole spine
twisting in a sinuous motion that ended in an enticing lift of
his hips.
Tom moved away just enough so that his cock was not pressed
against Harry's thigh. 'Control,' he reminded
himself. What a paradoxical situation: someone with years of
sexual experience suddenly reduced to a beginner again,
completely ignorant of everything. Even things Harry had
experienced before probably felt very different. Tom lowered his
head and sucked a nipple into his mouth, making Harry cry out
sharply. 'Yeah, I'll bet that feels different.'
Tom concentrated all of his attention on those nipples, flicking
one with his fingers and using his mouth on the other in every
way he could think of. He licked, flicked, swirled, suckled, even
nipped, very carefully, hearing Harry's noises get louder,
higher, more intense. Harry was gasping by the time Tom switched
hand and mouth. 'I wonder--' Tom thought. Getting
Harry's thigh beneath his own, he bore down and sucked hard,
pulling the other nipple at the same time, more roughly, and
didn't let up despite Harry's struggles until his
lover's fingers dug into his neck, and Harry made a sound Tom
had never heard from him before.
Tom backed off. "You okay?" Harry's eyes were
glazed, and he was breathing heavily. "I think I came,"
he said after a moment.
Tom grinned, stroking Harry's stomach. "What would it
take for you to be sure?"
Harry lifted his hips beneath that caressing touch and spread his
thighs, drawing up one knee. Tom's breath caught at that open
invitation. "Are you sure?" he asked, feeling uncertain
as a virgin himself. Harry nodded and then surprised Tom even
more. "Would you get the hand mirror from the dresser? I
want to see myself."
Tom got up and did as he was asked. He stretched out next to
Harry again, saying, "Let me." He flipped open the
folded mirror and angled it. "Can you see?"
Harry reached down and adjusted Tom's hand. "Oh,
yes...." Putting his head on Harry's shoulder, Tom also
looked into the mirror. Both of them were silent for a moment,
studying the reflection. Harry had very little body hair, but
this region had always been an exception. The hair bordering the
cleft was as thick, as glossy, and as black as the hair on
Harry's head. It did not, however, hide anything, not now.
The parted lips were swollen and glistening with moisture,
showing the inner lips also swollen and the clitoris engorged,
small but erect as any penis. The whole vulva was flushed a deep
plum color, just as Harry's cock had been during
erection.
Tom turned his head and kissed warm golden skin. "Harry,
you're as beautiful there as everywhere else." Tom laid
the mirror on the floor and cupped his hand over Harry's
mound, just feeling the heat and wetness, kissing Harry's
breasts again. So slowly and gradually that one couldn't
pinpoint when it began, the passive feeling changed to active
touching, petting the moist folds, stroking the length of the
cleft. Watching Harry's face again, Tom pressed delicately on
his clit. Gods, he was so gorgeous, eyes closed and mouth open,
not holding anything back. Tom pressed again and escalated to
rubbing. Yes, Harry's hips were moving in perfect synchrony
with Tom's touch. Exquisite.
Tom backed off and explored Harry's cunt with careful
fingers, parting the lips as he stroked them, dipping cautiously
into the vaginal opening, spreading the moisture around. He kept
coming back to the clit, circling around and over it, pressing
and rubbing, driving Harry a little farther each time but not far
enough, not over the edge. The smell of Harry's arousal was
intoxicating, it made Tom want to roll on top of his lover and
plunge in, but he kept control 'for Harry--for Harry' and
kept going, until he did drive Harry over the edge--by grasping
his clit between thumb and forefinger and pulling, as if on a
cock.
As Harry arched and cried out, a harsh throaty growl that seemed
to roll up from his cervix, Tom slipped one finger into the well
of the moisture, into Harry's cunt, right up to the knuckle.
And waited.
Harry relaxed, realizing with surprise that he had had a rather
intense orgasm without frying his brain or needing to roll over
and take a nap. He also realized that something else new had
happened.
"Tom--what are you doing?"
"I have my finger inside you."
Harry wiggled. Yep, there was something there. And it felt pretty
good. "Just like that?"
"Just like this." Tom withdrew and went in again. Harry
moaned. "Feel good?"
"Oh yes." Tom curled up all but one finger into a fist
and began very gently thrusting with that finger, making sure the
rest of his hand bumped Harry's clit as he went in.
Harry's face tensed, and his internal muscles tensed around
Tom's finger, but not with resistance. He liked it. He liked
being fucked. 'Well, you liked it as a man. What's the
big surprise?'
That question brought other thoughts to mind that Harry
wasn't yet ready to explore. Still moving with Tom's
thrusts, he opened his eyes. "Tom?"
"Yes, love?"
'Love?' "Would you try two fingers?"
Tom had had a few male lovers and quite a few female ones, and it
had been his experience that men liked to fuck a lot more than
women liked to be fucked. In fact, it had been his experience
that men often liked to be fucked more than women did, despite
their relative disadvantage in anatomy. It looked like Harry was
going to be an exception.
Tom pulled out, changed the angle of his hand, and replaced one
finger with two, using his thumb on Harry's clit to ease the
way. He needn't have worried; Harry was open, wet, he wanted
it, thrusting back hard against Tom's thrusts, picking up the
pace. It felt so good, nothing had ever felt this good,
his whole body tensed up in one great spiral of pleasure and then
let go--
Something exploded in Harry, not rushing out of him but into him,
a knot of tension and pleasure turning into a vortex of ecstasy.
It was as if that whirlpool feeling had suddenly widened to
include his whole body, even to the ends of his hair,
transforming from water into flame. Harry heard himself scream,
going up into falsetto, and then it happened again, and Tom kept
thrusting, and it happened again, waves of flame going all over
him, and Tom didn't stop, he kept pounding Harry, and it kept
happening, letting go and letting go and sinking into himself,
one unmistakable big intense orgasm after another, until Harry
fell limp, gasping harshly, and Tom removed his hand.
---
"Wow," Harry managed, finally. Tom grinned smugly, at
the same time licking his wet fingers.
"Congratulations, Harry. You are certifiably multiorgasmic.
You are also certifiably delicious."
"Wow," Harry repeated, stretching a little and reaching
for his lover. Tom snuggled close and wrapped his arms around
Harry's middle. "How do you feel?"
"Great." Harry turned over so he was front to front
with Tom, throwing one leg over Tom's thigh and capturing his
mouth for a kiss. Tom moaned desperately, his cock trying to get
between Harry's thighs and into that wet cleft. He distracted
himself, and Harry, with a question.
"What was it like?"
Harry considered. "I hate to tell you this--but women have
it better. Every orgasm was better than the last, and they just
kept--coming." Both of them smirked. "If a man's
orgasm feels like an explosion, a woman's feels like an
implosion--this incredible energy rushing in and filling your
body. And you don't get tired of it, or tired from it."
He wiggled enticingly against Tom. "In fact, in about two
seconds, I'm going to be ready for more."
Tom groaned. "Harry, have you always been insatiable, or is
it just because you're a woman now?"
He pushed Harry onto his back and kissed him roughly, feeling
Harry's arms and legs twine about him. He worked his way down
Harry's throat, over the shoulders, around and around the
breasts in a spiral until he was sucking greedily on the dark
nipples again, drunk on Harry's whimpering noises, and then
down further still, kissing his way down the smooth flat stomach
until his shoulders were holding apart Harry's thighs. Tom
placed a kiss just above the pubic mound.
"Harry, I want to eat you. Will you let me? Are you okay
about that?"
For answer, Harry grabbed a pillow from behind his head. Tom
helped him position it under his hips so that Harry was even more
open, every moist fold exposed. 'It really does look like a
flower,' Tom reflected. 'I guess I've never looked
this closely before.'
Tom wanted to go as slowly as possible. He liked doing this,
liked licking a woman or sucking a man, liked the absolute
certainty of being able to give pleasure. He had never had a
lover of either sex he couldn't please with his mouth. He
started by kissing where the hair grew, not so soft here but
thick and springy, down one side and back up the other.
Harry shifted suggestively, trying to bring Tom's mouth onto
the more sensitive areas. Tom ignored him, turning his head to
place moist kisses on the smooth thighs. He waited until Harry
had relaxed and wasn't expecting it before turning back and
firmly licking the erect clit.
Harry shrieked. That one good lick had felt like the equivalent
of a twenty-minute blowjob. Tom raised his head, grinning.
"Was that another one?" he asked.
"Oh yeah!"
Tom bent to his task again, savoring the wet flesh with slow,
gentle licks that drew unbelievable sounds from Harry--just the
sort of response Tom liked to get. Lost in pleasure, Harry
moaned, whimpered, wailed, all the while thrusting his pussy
gently against Tom's face, gasping for breath when Tom
fastened his mouth over the engorged clit and sucked on it. Part
of Harry's mind was trying vainly to rack up how many orgasms
he was having--more than a month's worth already, even
compared to his most active periods as a male lover--while the
rest of his mind was screaming, "Fuck it! Better yet, fuck
me!"
Tom cupped his hands under Harry's ass and raised him about
two centimeters, just enough so he could easily run his tongue
between the lips and into the vagina. Harry screamed again as Tom
tongue-fucked him, thrusting as far into the passage as possible.
Changing his angle, Tom pressed two fingers in again and resumed
torturing Harry's clit with lips and tongue.
Harry drew a desperate, shuddering breath. "Tom,
please--"
"What, love?" Tom kissed the spread thighs with wet
lips.
Harry gulped. "Please, fuck me. Now."
It was Tom's turn to gulp. "Are you sure you're
ready?"
Harry wiggled. "What do you think?" he asked, smiling
in a way that made Tom want to throw himself on and into his
lover.
Tom's fingers were still inside Harry, and the channel around
them was very wet and, if Tom was any judge (and he was), relaxed
and open. He got up and knelt between Harry's legs, stroking
his breasts encouragingly. "How do you want to do
this?" he asked, his voice husky. "You can be on top,
we could be on our sides--"
Harry's smile widened. "I think I'll just lie here
and let you take me."
Tom closed his eyes, about two heartbeats from orgasm.
"Harry, quit talking like that, or I'm going to have to
fuck you senseless."
A knowing hand curled around Tom's cock. "What else did
you think I had in mind?"
Very gently, Tom removed Harry's hand. He stayed still for a
moment, thinking about Neelix's cooking, that awful bun the
Captain used to wear, his father's lectures, all the most
unerotic things he could call to mind. Then he lowered himself
over Harry, braced on his elbows. He couldn't resist kissing
those gorgeous breasts, then the lush mouth that smiled so
enticingly. Harry made a muffled noise of pleasure at tasting his
own secretions in Tom's mouth, smelling them on Tom's
skin, tangy and aromatic. He'd always thought vaginal
secretions were a little more pleasant than semen, though
he'd never let it stop him from sucking a man. Harry reached
between them with both hands, opening himself with one,
positioning Tom with the other. Feeling his cock graze those
moist folds, Tom took a deep breath and slowly moved forward.
It was so easy. Harry was completely ready, emotionally and
physically, and Tom slid into his lover with no resistance
whatsoever. Without even thinking about it, Harry tightened his
vagina around Tom, feeling as much as hearing the resultant
groan. It felt so good to be filled this way, and Tom fit so
perfectly into him, all the way in.... Oh, this was going to be
really good, better than he'd expected, and he'd expected
it to be pretty damned good.
Eyes locked on Harry's, Tom began moving, not much at first,
but soon more quickly and forcefully as Harry answered his
motions. Harry arched beneath him, grasping Tom's shoulders
with fingers almost as strong as a man's. He licked his lips
and sucked in breath to form words.
"Harder," was all Harry managed. Tom gave one hard
thrust, and Harry's legs came around him, Harry's insides
clamped down on him, and then Tom lost it, hearing the harsh
throaty screams he already knew were the sign of Harry's
orgasm, and climaxing himself in soul-wrenching spurts as
Harry's whole body clenched around him, drew him in, claimed
him.
They lay joined together for long moments, both of them trembling
with aftershocks of pleasure. Harry's mind was absolutely
whited out. Had he done this for Libby, for Siobhan, for Seven?
Had he made them feel this way when he fucked them? He felt
completely sated and happy, and at the same time, he felt that
the energy in his body could hurl Voyager back to the Alpha
Quadrant in about five minutes. Tom was sprawled over him with
the exhaustion Harry had so often felt himself, after sex, and
Harry was ready to get up and overhaul the warp drive.
Tom didn't move, and presently Harry felt a little confined.
It seemed that Tom had slipped out of him, so he tried to roll
the man off of him, succeeded, and then gasped, because Tom
wasn't a man any more.
Tom was at least half asleep, obviously unaware of what had
happened. The changes in him seemed more dramatic, to Harry, than
the changes in Harry himself. Much of Tom's body hair seemed
to have vanished--the beard stubble and the wonderful fuzz on his
chest and belly were simply gone, and the rest of his body hair
seemed softer, sparser, less noticeable. He was larger in the
breasts and smaller in the hips than Harry, with delicate pink
nipples that Harry instantly wanted to nibble. 'Gods,' he
thought. 'It doesn't matter. I'm ready to roll over
and take him, just like he took me. It doesn't matter which
sex he is. Or which sex I am.' Harry had had lovers of
both sexes, but he had never felt so acutely that it was the
person, not the packaging, that mattered.
Transformed to a woman's, Tom's lean, long body looked
more fragile than Harry's. He didn't train with weights
as religiously as Harry did, and consequently the change hid his
muscle tone, making him look slender, almost willowy. All the
vulnerability Tom tried to hide seemed to be right out there on
the surface now. This was not going to be easy.
Tom snored. Harry put a hand on his lover's shoulder and
shook him. "Tom? Wake up."
"Hmf?" Tom opened his eyes and looked at Harry
drowsily. "Funny, I always thought you'd be the cuddly
type, Har."
"Tom...." Harry groped for the right words.
"It's happened."
"What--?" Suddenly Tom's eyes flew wide open,
glittering with shock, and his hands went unerringly to his
newly-formed breasts. "Oh, dear gods," he murmured,
heard his own soprano tones, and burst into tears.
Harry tried to take Tom in his arms, but the other man pulled
away, turning over and sobbing at the wall. Harry drew back,
didn't try even to stroke his friend's arm, and after a
moment it was obvious from Tom's sounds that he was forcibly
getting control of himself. "Tom."
There was no answer.
"Tom," Harry said more forcefully. The chirp of the
comm system startled them both.
"EMH to Ensign Kim."
"Ensign Kim here, Doctor."
"If you'll come to Sickbay," the Doctor said
cheerfully, "I have some information for you from the
Harrogeti."
---
Not only the Doctor but the Captain awaited them in Sickbay.
Captain Janeway's eyes widened at the sight of a female
Harry, dressed in black, and an unexpectedly female Tom, wearing
a newly-replicated uniform. Tom walked with head bowed and
shoulders hunched, so painfully embarassed he might as well have
been naked.
"That was quicker than I expected, Lieutenant." The
Doctor sounded almost scolding.
The Captain approached her two officers. "How are you
doing?" she asked, almost in a whisper.
"I'm fine, Captain." Harry's voice was strong,
his shoulders back, and Janeway felt instinctively that she
didn't have to worry about him; he would be okay. Tom,
however, couldn't even bring himself to answer; the blue eyes
that met hers, too briefly, were little short of terrified, and
Harry appeared to be holding him up with one arm.
"Have a seat, er, gentlemen," said the Doctor.
"This will be a long story."
Harry hopped onto a biobed and drew Tom to sit beside him. The
Captain leaned against another bed nearby.
"I've spoken with Dr. Ethnar Itzam, the surgeon who
operated on you on Harrogeth. It was quite an enlightening
conversation." The Doctor fairly beamed, heedless of the
distress in the atmosphere. "The Harrogeti are androgynes,
neither male nor female but able to shift to either sex at will.
In addition to androgens and estrogens, they possess a third
sexual hormone which they call 'ornegiv', which means
intermediary, arbitrator, or balancer. Ornegiv was introduced
into your system by a transfusion of blood plasma during the
operation. You were also given a course of antibiotics based on
fetal tissue. The combination of the two caused the ornegiv to be
accepted by your system, and it began to fulfill its function of
balancing male and female sexual hormones."
The Doctor paused. Janeway looked fascinated, Ensign Kim looked
interested, and Lt. Paris looked slightly nauseous. He
continued.
"At this point, you are in the same position as an
adolescent. You are experiencing high levels of sexual hormones,
released into the bloodstream at unpredictable rates. You will be
subject, for a while, to mood swings and increased emotional
sensitivity. It's likely that emotional or physical stress
will cause you to change sex spontaneously. However, this
lability will not be a permanent condition. It will smooth out
naturally, and in addition, the Harrogeti have a medicine which
will help you make the transition."
The Doctor turned to the Captain. "I'm afraid we're
going to have to return to Harrogeth to retrieve it."
Janeway nodded. "Whatever's necessary. Ensign, could I
speak to you a moment?"
"Go ahead and use my office, Captain," the Doctor said,
and turned to Tom. "Now, Lieutenant...."
Janeway led Harry into the CMO's office, leaned on the edge
of the desk, and looked up at him. Despite the astonishing,
dramatic change, it was still Harry--the same height, the same
broad shoulders, the same steady eyes and full mouth.
"How are you doing, Harry?" Janeway asked again.
Harry shrugged, smiling. "I'm fine, really,
Captain." 'I've just had more orgasms in a couple of
hours than I've had in my entire life--I'm not going to
complain.' "This is not as... hard on me as it is on
Tom." He glanced over his shoulder at Tom and the Doctor.
"I think he feels very vulnerable."
"That's understandable, Harry, but I'm talking about
you. Do you feel up to performing your duties under these
circumstances?"
After a moment, Harry nodded. "Yes, Captain, I do. After
all, weird is part of the job." He smiled. "And I
certainly am not any less capable just because I'm suddenly a
woman." Janeway returned his smile with one of her own.
"You and the Doctor will have to judge if my mood swings or
sudden changes make me unfit for duty."
"Very well, Ensign." She clapped him lightly on the
shoulder. "I'll see you on the bridge tomorrow morning.
You and Tom will beam down to Harrogeth to pick up your
medicine."
---
Harry frowned at his reflection in the mirror. The new
female-issue uniform looked fine, but his usual gelled-back
hairstyle somehow looked awful. He didn't think his face had
changed that much, but being female made a difference.
Since he had time, he rinsed his hair out in the sink, fixed it
into place with a lighter styling spray, and dried it. 'Maybe
I should let it grow.'
He headed toward the door and stopped. 'Scared, Kim? Yeah, a
little.' He knew the crew had been informed of his condition,
but it was going to be a shock for them, and a shock for him to
see their reactions. Harry squared his shoulders. 'I'm
scared, but I can do it. I just wish Tom were here.' Tom had
gone back to his quarters yesterday after the Doctor examined
him, without saying a word to Harry, and he wasn't going to
be on duty today. Harry knew he wouldn't see his friend in
the mess hall; Tom didn't seem to be up to facing Harry, let
alone alpha shift. But he would see Tom when they beamed down to
Harrogeth.
Harry took a deep breath and fairly charged out the door. There
was no one passing his quarters at the moment, so it was a rather
futile gesture. Harry grinned at himself and sashayed merrily
down the corridor, swinging his hips. In spite of all the
weirdness, he felt good, no, great.
It was a bad moment when he walked into the mess hall. He'd
never had a roomfull of people fall silent at his entry before.
Then Neelix smiled and asked him what he wanted, without too much
stuttering, and gradually the buzz started up again.
Harry took his tray and sat down by B'Elanna, who was already
talking engineering with Carey and others of her staff.
Conversation stopped again as he joined them, and he couldn't
help blushing a bit under their frank stares. B'Elanna, of
course, broke the tension. "Starfleet, you're
gorgeous."
"Didn't know you preferred women, Maquis," he said
over the rim of his cup, and B'Elanna sprayed juice like a
fountain, and everybody laughed, and the conversation went back
to normal.
The duty shift went well. For long stretches of time Harry forgot
what had happened to him, absorbed in sensor logs, reports, minor
problems that needed solving. He was in the last quarter of his
shift when they made orbit around Harrogeth, and he went to meet
Tom in the transporter room.
Oddly enough, it was something of a shock to see Tom again. It
wasn't so much the sight of him as female as the way he
carried himself. He still looked thoroughly miserable, and he was
wearing a hideously baggy brown shirt and pants, which made him
look even worse. 'He hasn't even combed his hair, from
the looks of it.' Harry folded his arms across his chest.
"Oh, no."
Tom looked up. "What?"
"I'm not beaming anywhere with you looking like
that." Flashing an apologetic grin at the crewman behind the
transporter controls, Harry grabbed Tom by the arm and hauled him
out of the room and back to his quarters.
When they returned to the transporter room, Tom was wearing his
woman's 'Fleet uniform again and walking with a little
more dignity. Harry didn't have to become a woman to know how
much clothes could affect one's feelings; dressing up was, in
his opinion, a very reliable way of cheering up. The transporter
crewman got the coordinates from Sickbay, and Tom and Harry
mounted the platform and beamed down.
They were standing on the curb in front of the hospital where
they'd been treated, of which they remembered very little. On
their right, a semicircular driveway embraced an interesting
sculpture/fountain with islands of greenery in it. On their left
were the large revolving glass doors of the hospital.
A smiling person at a central information desk directed them to
the office of Dr. Ethnar Itzam. As they went down the hall, rode
up in the elevator, and then went through another maze of
corridors, Harry looked at the people around him. Even knowing
they were androgynes, probably neither sex at the moment, he
tended to identify them as male or female, just as he still
thought of himself with a male name and male pronouns despite the
physical evidence to the contrary. He asked himself why one
person looked male, another female: Was it dress, hairstyle, cast
of features, walk? He didn't have time to answer the question
before they finally found the doctor's office.
Harry remembered Dr. Itzam, a short, rather portly person with
pale hair slicked back and the good-natured smile so many of the
Harrogeti had. The doctor was dressed in a long-sleeved white
tunic that came to the knees over snug white trousers, with an
ankle-length white vest or sleeveless coat over all, and
metal-framed spectacles. There were no breasts visible, but
probably no bulge of genitalia at the crotch either, and Harry
found he thought of the doctor as male. Harry interrupted that
train of thought to shake Dr. Itzam's hand. "I see now,
I see now," the doctor said, in the same fascinated tone the
holographic Doctor had been using lately. "You are now
female, and you were male when I operated on you."
"Yes, respected," Harry answered, using the same term
of polite address he would have used for a Horta admiral. It
seemed to be appropriate.
The doctor motioned for them to sit down. "I am very sorry
for putting you through this upheaval. In my defense I can only
say that I made a decision in a life-or-death
situation."
"Don't apologize, respected," Harry said earnestly.
"I'd much rather be alive and learn how to be female
than be male and dead." He glanced over at Tom, who said
nothing.
"I sent your Doctor--an artificial intelligence, how
remarkable--a fair amount of information on our physiology and
sexuality, but perhaps it would help to have it explained by
someone who is on the inside, so to speak." Harry nodded.
Dr. Itzam leaned back and steepled his hands together, obviously
preparing for a lengthy lecture.
---
"We Harrogeti are androgynous," Dr. Itzam began.
"At birth, and until adolescence, our genitalia are neither
male nor female, but intermediate between the two. If you would
like to see--?"
For a moment Tom was afraid that the doctor would undress, but
she only handed them a two-dimensional image on heavy paper. It
showed two naked humanoids, one a child and the other an adult.
Both had shoulder-length straight fair hair, blue eyes, and the
same ambiguous body: prominent nipples on a slightly pudgy chest;
little difference in thickness between chest, waist, and hips;
and genitals that looked like an exaggerated version of a
woman's. The organ protruding between the dangling labia
looked to Tom like an outsized clitoris rather than a miniature
penis.
Tom handed the picture to Harry, who perused it while the doctor
went on. "At puberty, the endocrine system begins to release
male and female sexual hormones for the first time. The
adolescent can now assume gender and learns to do so at will, but
at first, the change comes unpredictably, unbidden, and
accompanied by wildly fluctuating emotions. Have you not
experienced this?"
"Yes, respected," Harry answered. Tom slouched in his
chair and tried not to think about the wildly fluctuating
emotions he'd been experiencing of late.
"Your people differ from us in that you are born gendered
and are always potentially capable of sexual activity. We assume
gender and have sexual pleasure only between the first change and
the second change. Our first change is puberty; our second change
is like what you call menopause, but it happens to all persons.
Late in life, we gradually lose the ability to assume gender, and
we die as we were born, genderless.
"It is my theory, in which your doctor concurs, that you two
will always be either male or female, not genderless like us, and
that you will not undergo a second change except in your
femaleness. You will eventually lose the ability to conceive, as
female, but not the ability to engage in sexual
activity."
Harry leaned forward, interest kindled on his face. "Do you
mean we can get pregnant, as women?"
"Indeed you can. If you remain in female form long enough,
you will eventually ovulate, and then menstruate if you are not
impregnated. You will continue to be able to sire children in
your male form."
Harry was smiling, but Tom felt as if he wanted to throw up.
Getting pregnant was the last thing he wanted to do, with
menstruating a close second. He wanted to be a man again.
He startled the other two by finally speaking up.
"Uh, Dr. Itzam," he straightened up in his seat,
"our Doctor said you had some medicine for us."
"Yes, I do," she responded, getting up from behind the
desk. She walked over to a cabinet and took out a small brown
cardboard box. "This is an herb we call 'yusill'. It
is primarily a relaxant, though it also helps relieve nausea and
muscular cramps. We give it to our adolescents to smooth out
their mood swings. In a state of relaxation, the mind can be
focused on the desired gender characteristics. I'm hoping it
will help you control the change, but it may be that the
psychological factors are too different. We come to adolescence
having watched the adults around us assume and put off gender,
and you have not. In any case, it will help with the mood swings.
Your Doctor informs me that you will be able to synthesize a
supply of yusill once he has analyzed it."
Harry took the package, and Dr. Itzam looked at the two of them.
"Do you have any other questions, respecteds?"
Harry looked at Tom. Tom managed to look at Harry. "No,
Doctor," Harry said. They shook hands with her and left the
hospital.
---
The holographic Doctor peered thoughtfully at the readings on his
monitor. "Well, I don't know whether this will help you
change sex, but it certainly will smooth out your mood swings. It
is closely similar to cannabis in composition."
"Wasn't cannabis used for recreation, centuries
ago?" Tom asked.
"Yes," the Doctor replied, "although it was, at
the time, illegal and not used for medicinal purposes, as it
still is in remoter parts of the Federation." He studied the
readings again. "It is not as intoxicating as cannabis and
does not remain in the bloodstream for more than about six
hours." He turned to Paris and Kim. "It will not
interfere with the performance of your duties, so I'd say go
ahead and give it a try. I'll send instructions for use to
your files."
"Thanks, Doc," Harry said. He grabbed the box of yusill
with one hand and Tom's arm with the other and headed out of
Sickbay. Tom seemed to be having trouble getting around on his
power since the change.
"I'm off duty now," Harry said as they walked down
the corridor. "Want to have dinner?"
"Okay." Tom said nothing else until he realized they
were not heading for their quarters, but for the mess hall. He
stopped in his tracks. "Harry, you're not going to eat
in the mess hall, are you?"
"Why not? I did this morning." Harry studied Tom.
"What's wrong?"
"I can't do it, Harry. I just can't do it. I
can't eat in front of everybody I know--looking like
this."
Tom sounded desperate, but Harry couldn't understand why.
"You look fine," he said. "The uniform looks good
on you."
Tom clutched at his hair. "Harry, you don't understand.
I just--I just feel so vulnerable. What if people make fun of me,
what if, what if somebody hits on me, what if--"
Harry put a hand lightly on Tom's arm. "Tom, you're
not going to walk into a tough bar on Rigel. You're going to
walk into the mess hall on Voyager. You're going to be with
people who know what's going on and who care about
you, Tom Paris, regardless of which sex you happen to
be." He tugged gently at the tense arm under his fingers.
"Now come on, or we'll miss the most edible
entrees."
Tom yanked his arm away. "I just can't do it, Harry--I
just can't!"
They both heard Tom's voice break, and just as Harry had in
Sandrine's, Tom felt the tears brim and knew that Harry saw
them. So he did what Harry had done. He turned and ran.
Harry stood there a moment, concerned, baffled, wondering what to
do. Some gut instinct told him that, unlike himself, Tom needed
to be alone and shouldn't be followed. Forlornly, he
continued on his way to the mess hall.
---
He was brooding so much over dinner that B'Elanna punched
him. "Hey, Starfleet."
He stirred listlessly. "Hey, Maquis."
B'Elanna stared at him measuringly. "Where's Tom?
And what's the matter with you?"
"That's the answer," Harry told her. He pushed
something squidlike around on his plate. "Tom's not
here, and I'm all alone."
"So what am I? Boiled gagh? Talk to me, Harry."
B'Elanna dug into her tentacles with gusto.
They happened to be sitting alone at a small table against the
wall. Harry looked around, not wanting anyone to overhear what he
was going to say, and decided it was okay. He sighed. "Tom
is just not taking this well."
"I'm not surprised." B'Elanna gulped her drink
and grimaced. "But you seem to be okay. It really
doesn't seem to bother you at all."
Harry thought about that. "No, it doesn't bother me.
I'm still Harry Kim, no matter what's happened to my
body. I have the same history, the same interests, the same
feelings for people." He took a drink himself, to hide his
face. "It's not even like I have a job I suddenly
can't do. I mean, the only thing that's changed
is--" He dropped his voice to a whisper. "I've had
sex with Tom."
"What?!"
When B'Elanna bellowed, heads turned--a useful characteristic
for a chief engineer, but not one that Harry relished at the
moment. He waited until the curious faces turned away and went
on, even more quietly, "You know how I feel about him--
"Yes, and you've never told him, you idiot--"
"And when I saw how he looked at me--when I had changed--I
just took the chance. I thought it might be my only
one."
B'Elanna gave Harry another appraising stare. "And how
was it?"
He couldn't help but grin. "Being a woman has its
advantages." B'Elanna grinned back. "He was
wonderful, very sweet to me, and it was passionate, it was great.
And when it was over, he'd changed, and he just burst into
tears when he realized it. I can't help but wonder how he
really feels about women, if he can't stand to be one, and
what it will do for our friendship, let alone anything else, if
we have to be women for any significant amount of time."
B'Elanna looked thoughtful. "You know, it's been
hard for me, sometimes, because I don't fit expectations
either way. Klingon men expect their women to be stronger, and
I'm not, but Human men expect their women to be weaker, and
I'm not. I guess Tom feels weaker now because he's a
woman--and we both know he's not as tough as he tries to
look."
"I guess you're right," Harry said, scooping up
some of his dessert pudding, "but I don't understand it.
I just don't feel that different, not even physically.
It's not like I've shrunk, or lost my muscle tone. Gods,
it's not like a woman in Starfleet--or the Maquis--is weak
compared to a man. Everybody gets the same basic training."
He slurped up the pudding and made a face. "What is
this stuff?"
"It's supposed to be Vulcan, I hear." B'Elanna
glanced across the room. "I don't see Tuvok eating it,
though."
"I wonder if I should go to him." Harry pushed away the
sour pudding.
"If I were you, Harry, I'd wait for him to come to
me."
---
Harry was practicing the clarinet when his doorchime sounded. He
lowered the instrument. "Come in."
The door opened and Tom trudged in. Harry was surprised that
he'd bothered to ask for entry; they'd been casually
walking in on one another for years.
"Hi."
Tom flopped down on the couch. "Harry, I'm
sorry."
"For what?" He began breaking down the instrument.
Tom heaved a sigh. "For losing it earlier. For not coming
with you to dinner."
Harry put away his sheet music. "You don't have to
apologize. Both the doctors warned us we'd be emotionally
volatile. I was just concerned that you were okay." He came
over to the couch and settled down beside Tom.
"I'm not okay, Har." It seemed to Harry that
Tom inched away from him. "I just don't know how to deal
with this, with being a woman."
Harry tried to joke. "It can't be as bad as turning into
a lizard."
Tom didn't laugh. "No, it's worse." He got up
and started pacing the room. "This morning, when I woke up,
everything seemed wrong. I mean, I've been waking up hard for
more than half my life now, and today there was nothing there. I
didn't even know how to empty my bladder." He ran his
hands through his hair, paced back and forth. Harry waited.
"It was like my body was a uniform that didn't fit, only
I couldn't just shuck it off and get a new one." Tom
held out his hands and looked at them. To Harry's eyes, they
were the same quick, clever, long-fingered hands as ever, but to
Tom's, they were brittle, fragile bunches of twigs, a
stranger's hands, not his own. Nothing about his body was his
own.
Without warning, Tom slammed his fist knuckles-first into the
table, dangerously close to Harry's clarinet case.
"Dammit!" Harry flinched and jumped to his feet at
once, torn between concern for his friend and concern for his
instrument.
"Look at this!" Tom thrust out his fist, showing Harry
scraped and bleeding knuckles. "I'm a man,
I'm not supposed to hurt myself if I land a punch on a table.
I should be able to punch through a bulkhead if I want to!"
He pounded the table again with his open hand. "But I'm
not a man anymore, they took it all away--"
"That's ridiculous." Harry so rarely raised his
voice that it came as a shock when he did. Even as an alto, his
voice was heavier and deeper than Tom's soprano and cut right
through it. He walked over to Tom and took him by the shoulders.
Tom flinched as Harry's breasts brushed his own.
"Is that what being a man means to you?" Harry sounded
almost contemptuous. "Being able to put your first through a
bulkhead? Being able to act like a jerk and get away with it,
nine times out of ten? Being able to screw any woman dumb enough
to open her legs for you--like I did?"
Tom's face fell. "Harry, no--it wasn't like that, I
swear--"
"When we get back to being men again, are you going to talk
about me the way I've heard you talk about the Delaneys?
About Sue Nicoletti? About Missy at the Academy?" Tom
cringed, knowing every word was justified. "Suppose you
become a man again and I don't? Does that leave me one of
your conquests, not, quote, 'the best friend I ever
had,'unquote?"
Tom wrenched away from Harry's grasp, but Harry's words
followed him. "I don't think you have any idea what it
means to be a man, Tom."
Tom spun around, feeling himself flush, feeling acutely aware of
the movements of his breasts, of the change in his balance. He
clenched his fists. "So now you're mad at me. Do you
really believe I could treat you that way? If you do, you have no
idea how I feel about you." His voice quavered
dangerously.
Harry folded his arms. "Have you ever told me how you feel
about me?"
'I'm not ready to answer that one, yet, Har.' Tom
swallowed. "You're angry at me for being angry about the
change, but why aren't you angry about that?
Doesn't it bother you to have lost control of your body? To
be at the mercy of your hormones?"
Harry shrugged. "I don't think I'm any more at the
mercy of my hormones than I used to be. They're just
different hormones, and I'm not used to controlling them yet.
I know how to control myself when I want to punch somebody in the
face for being a jerk, because I've learned how. I don't
know how to control myself when I want to cry over some little
frustration, but I'll learn."
Tom was beginning to feel less guilty than exasperated.
"Harry, don't you miss your dick?"
Harry actually laughed out loud. "I don't know! I
hadn't thought about it that way. I guess I've looked
more at the future possibilities than at the loss of the
past." He sat down again. "The way I see it, you and I
have a unique opportunity to see things from two different
perspectives. How many people can say they know what it is to be
male and female both?"
Tom leaned against the table, wrapping his arms awkwardly around
himself. "I just don't get how you can take this so
calmly, Harry. I don't know who I am anymore. They've
taken away everything I knew about myself, everything I relied
on, even though--I know--they saved my life. I'm not
Harrogeti. I'm Earth Human, and I was born a man, and I'm
supposed to stay that way."
Harry shook his head, unsure what to do. Tom remained leaning
against the table, hands wrapped around his upper arms. The same
hands as ever, to Harry, but not to Tom. Finally Harry said, to
break the tension, "Listen, why don't we try some of the
yusill? It'll probably make you feel better."
Tom shrugged. "Okay."
Harry went to his terminal for a moment and reviewed the file the
Doctor had sent him, on how to prepare an herb for smoking. Tom
sat down on the couch and waited. Then Harry opened up the box
which stood on his desk and took out a small plastic bag full of
slender greenish-blue leaves and a roll of what seemed to be
heavy paper, almost very thin cloth.
Sitting down on the sofa beside Tom, Harry spread the materials
out on the low table before them. Tom watched as he tore off two
squares from the roll, placing them side by side, and filled each
one with some of the dried leaves. The yusill had a pleasantly
pungent smell reminiscent of rosemary. When he had put a few
grams of the herb into each wrapper, Harry rolled one wrapper up,
carefully, moistened the edge with his tongue (Tom licked his own
lips as Harry did so), and sealed the wrapper into a fairly neat
roll as long as a man's finger but not as thick.
Harry handed the completed roll to Tom and prepared the other one
for himself. Then he looked around, frowning, got up again, and
checked the box. "Aha." He took out something Tom
recognized from old videos: a small lighter meant for cigarettes
and the like. For the first time, Tom grinned, feeling like they
were doing something a little bit naughty.
It took them a few tries to get the herb lighted properly, and
then their first puffs were rather unpleasant. Harry coughed,
already worrying about what this would do to his wind as a
clarinetist. "Can you believe people used to do things like
this for fun?"
Tom dragged expertly on his roll and then spoiled it by hacking
loudly. "The thrill of the forbidden, Har."
Harry waved his roll around, making the smoke of it swirl. The
odor reminded him of the sage and sweetgrass Chakotay burned for
sacred ceremonies. "Think of it that way, Tom," he
suggested.
"What do you mean?" Tom shifted the roll from between
thumb and forefinger to between forefinger and middle finger,
braced by the thumb.
"Crossing the gender boundary has some of the thrill of the
forbidden." Harry puffed. The weed wasn't so bad, after
a while. "Or fucking your best friend after he's just
changed from male to female." Harry grinned, but Tom looked
rather sheepish.
"I didn't hurt you, did I, Har?"
"Oh, no. Really, no." Harry tried a long drag and
managed not to cough.
"Weren't you, well, sore afterward?"
Harry considered, musing through a haze of fumes. "No, I
wasn't. I could feel my vagina, which I usually can't,
but it was more like an afterglow, like what you feel in your
muscles after a thorough massage, than like pain. No, I
wouldn't even call it discomfort."
Tom stared into the smoke. "I remember the first time I got
fucked. Man, was I sore afterward."
Harry looked at Tom almost archly. "You're talking about
anal penetration, right?" Tom nodded. "Well, it's
fun, but it isn't exactly the primary purpose of the
orifice." Tom snorted with laughter at this academic
description. Harry looked slightly affronted. "After all,
the vagina is designed to receive the penis, among other
functions."
"Harry, you should have been a doctor."
Harry laughed. "My dad's brother would have loved that.
Uncle Lee was a doctor, a cardiologist. He thought I would have
made a great surgeon." He puffed thoughtfully and then went
with the question he'd been thinking. "So what was it
like? Your first time with a man?" Tom was too mellow by now
to be startled by Harry's curiosity. "When I was at the
Academy. I'd been watching boys as well as girls for years,
but--I always seemed to get more than my share of man-eaters. You
know, the kind of woman who puts a notch on her lipstick case for
every lay."
Now Harry snorted. "You mean the kind of woman who
doesn't even look at the Harry Kims of this world." He
disappeared into the bathroom to toss his diminished roll of
yusill and began rolling another when he came back.
"Be grateful. Anyway, I roomed with a guy named Yelanov,
Boris Yelanov. I think he went on to Utopia Planitia after
graduation. Fairly early on in our first year, Boris suggested we
throw a party. That's where I met his best friend, an African
guy named Arthur Mojekwu. Gods, he was gorgeous." Lost in
reminiscence, Tom came very close to burning his fingers on the
herb. "Taller than I am, with muscles they haven't named
yet. Dark skin and sculpted features. Wore his hair in
shoulder-length braids with beads on them. Wore traditional
Yoruba dress at the party. Reds, golds, browns." He accepted
a second roll. "Well, we really hit it off at the party.
Smart guy, a musician, too, like you. Played a bunch of ancient,
traditional instruments. We talked for a long while, and later,
when things got a little crazier, he started drumming. I was
watching him while he was drumming, the sweat gathering on his
forehead, the combination of intensity and precision in his
playing, and he was watching me watch him, and I knew, I just
knew it was going to happen."
---
Tom took a long, slow drag on his second roll of yusill. Part of
his mind was aware that he was beyond mellow and well into
stoned; another part was aware of the way Harry was watching him,
the arch of Harry's back, the slight curve of Harry's
lips, the glitter in Harry's eyes. Male or female, those eyes
were the same, intense and beautiful. Yet another part of his
mind was aware of his own arousal: the tightening of his nipples,
the heat between his thighs, the urge to ease his thighs apart
and expose what was happening down there. However, the different
parts of his mind were not communicating terribly well with one
another, at the moment, and he was caught up in memories of the
first man he'd ever had sex with.
"It was really late when the party broke up. I'd kind of
hinted to Boris that I was interested in Arthur--I didn't
want to come between them if it was more than just
friendship--when Arthur asked me back to his room, Boris waved me
on, like he didn't need my help to clean up." Tom
chuckled. "No, he just needed Starfleet Special Forces. I
went over to Arthur's on the other side of the campus, him
carrying one drum and me carrying the other. He looked
magnificent under the moonlight, striding along with his robes
blowing around him. When we got to his place, his roommate
wasn't there, and by then, neither of us wanted to waste any
time." Tom paused and glanced at Harry out of the corner of
his eye. Despite a very slight blurring of his vision, he could
tell Harry was listening intently. "So then what
happened?" Harry asked, after a moment.
"You want all the sordid details?"
Harry blew out a long thin stream of smoke between rounded lips.
"Every last one."
Tom got two cups and a jug of cold water from the replicator
before resuming his tale. "Arthur put his arms around me and
kissed me. His lips were so soft.... He didn't rush me. Maybe
he knew I had no experience with men. I was so turned on, and I
was also scared to death, scared I'd do something wrong, or
wouldn't be good enough for him. He just kissed me and kissed
me as if he couldn't get enough, nice and slow, like we had
all the time there is. Then finally he stepped back, smiling, and
reached for the fastenings on my uniform." He drank
thirstily.
"Clothes went flying everywhere. The second I was naked, he
sank down in front of me and sucked me off. Damn, he was good.
Better than any woman I'd been with. I was so limp all over,
afterwards, Art just picked me up and carried me to the bed. When
I recovered, I started touching him, and he was touching me, and
we came over and over again. I learned the whole course in
pleasing men from Art, in that one night. How good it can be to
be with somebody just like you. How satisfying it is to feel a
man coming in your mouth, tasting his come and knowing you made
him lose it. What a thrill it is to fuck a man, so tight, and a
little dangerous, and he wants it from you as much as any woman
would. It was well past dawn when he asked me to let him fuck me.
I was scared--he was bigger than any guy I'd ever seen--but
he'd enjoyed being fucked, and I'd enjoyed everything
else we'd done together, so I said yes. And he fucked
me."
Tom sipped more water and sucked smoke. "He was careful,
more careful than I'd been with him, actually. He knew what
he was doing, knew how to really make me want it. Gods, did I
want it. Coming into his hand, with him inside me, was the best
thing I'd ever felt."
Tom fell silent. "How did you feel, afterward?" Harry
asked. Tom half-shrugged.
"Like I said, I was sore." Harry blew more smoke.
"But how did you feel? How did it feel to be the one
penetrated, not the one penetrating? How did it feel to be the
one who was smaller, weaker, more vulnerable?"
Tom turned to look at Harry. His eyes were dark sapphires through
the haze. "It scared the hell out of me. It scared me how
much I liked it."
They were silent for a few minutes, drinking and smoking. Tom
felt curiously detached, even from Arthur's memory. He
didn't tell Harry that he and Arthur had been lovers for a
while, that he'd lost Arthur over Caldik Prime. They
hadn't been in love, or maybe they had, but Art wouldn't
have him as a friend or a lover until he told the truth about
what had happened. And then he'd lost everything. And Arthur
had died on his first mission after graduation. He hadn't
talked to anyone about Arthur in years.
Tom was wondering whether to get up and go, and wondering whether
he could, when Harry spoke again. "Who do you
think's the most attractive woman on this ship?"
"You want the truth?"
Harry waved his roll. "Truth in weed?"
"Janeway."
Harry made a funny face. "Sorry, but that's too Oedipal
for me. She's been too much of a mother figure for me to
think of her that way. But why do you think so?"
Tom swigged water and got up to get another jug. "Because
she's strong. Really strong, not just pretending to be. And
she's beautiful. You gotta admit that."
"No argument here." Harry poured himself a cup of water
and stretched out his legs on the couch. His toes brushed
Tom's thigh. "So why're you always chasin'
B'Elanna?"
"To have something to do." Harry started laughing,
hooting really. "No, listen. You ever tell her this,
I'll kick your butt, but I really like B'Elanna. I really
respect her. She's a damn' good engineer, and what
she's been through makes me look like-- Anyway, I respect her
too much just to fuck her and that's that. I can't give
her what she needs, so I won't take what she can't
give."
Harry nodded. "I'd fuck B'Elanna in a heartbeat, but
only if she came to me. You did the right thing when she had that
pon farr shit, not taking advantage of her. B'Elanna's...
special. But you know who I think is a beauty? Wildman."
"Really? I don't see it. I mean, she's pretty,
but--"
"She's loving. One of the most loving people I've
ever met. Like Libby in that respect. And that makes her
beautiful. Besides, I don't like skinny women."
"Got no use for me, then, I guess." Tom laughed, but
Harry just smiled.
"Oh, I don't know--you've got some meat on your
bones." Harry puffed.
Tom was flushed, and Harry was, too, but he hardly felt it.
"What about Kes?"
"What about her?" Tom got his legs up on the couch
beside Harry's, feet tucked against Harry's hip.
"You thought you were in love with her, once."
"The operative word is 'thought'." Tom looked
at his roll, which was almost burnt down, and debated having
another. Why the hell not? He started to roll it himself,
watching his fingers move smoothly as if from a great distance.
"Kes was a beautiful woman, and a really caring person, but
I was just distracting myself."
"From what?" Harry gazed at Tom with narrowed eyes. Tom
fumbled with lighting up the roll.
"From being out here, alone...." Tom's voice
trailed off; he knew Harry wasn't buying it. He wasn't
buying it himself, any more. Truth in weed. Harry's next
question only made it worse.
"Do you think any of the men on Voyager are
attractive?"
Tom tried to drag casually. "Sure."
"Like who?"
Tom thought. "Geron's cute, but he's just a kid, and
too religious. Ayala, from Security, he's a hunk."
Harry chuckled. "He's a nice-looking guy, but he
doesn't say much, does he?"
"Sometimes that's a virtue. How about you?"
Harry giggled, a marvelously high-pitched sound that got Tom to
giggling, too. "Well, I gotta admit, I've always
wondered what's behind Tuvok's cool Vulcan
exterior...."
"You gotta be kidding!"
"No, really. I mean, imagine--every seven years they
completely lose control. I'd like to watch that happen.
Hell, I'd help him get through it." Harry continued
giggling.
"Kim, you are high. Stoned. Flying. Wasted. Whatever. Or you
would not be talking about fucking a middle-aged Vulcan
who has no sense of humor."
Harry's giggles escalated into hysterical hoots, and for a
few minutes, neither of them could do anything but laugh. Harry
finally got up and pitched his roll, declining Tom's offer of
a third. He collapsed on the couch again and waved his hands
feebly in an attempt to dispel some of the smoke.
"We've smoked most of our stash," he observed, and
poured another cup of water. "So what about
Chakotay?"
"What about him?"
"Don't you think he's attractive?"
Tom tried Harry's stream-of-smoke trick, with some success.
"Not really."
"Seriously?"
"Seriously."
Harry inexplicably giggled some more. "You mean behind all
that hostility between you two, there's nothing else? Just
hostility?"
Tom favored his friend with a bleary look. "He was Maquis. I
was Starfleet. He thought I was a traitor when I was just a lost
idiot looking for a lost cause. He used to be a pretty angry guy,
most of the time, and not without reason. That's all there is
to it. I rub him the wrong way, and he doesn't rub me at
all."
"Well," Harry was drawling now, "even if I thought
Chakotay was attractive, it wouldn't do me any
good."
"He's got eyes for nobody but Kathryn," Tom chimed
in. He saluted no one in particular with his water. "But you
know who the best-looking guy on this ship is?"
"Neelix," said Harry promptly, and started laughing
like a fool. Tom whacked the foot that had snuck into his
lap.
"No, you."
Harry sobered up rather quickly at that. Finishing his water, he
eyed Tom over the rim of the cup. "You know, it's funny,
because I would have said the same thing about you."
Tom didn't answer, just looked at Harry. Harry's feet
were in Tom's lap, and Tom's hand was resting on
Harry's shin. Slowly, that hand stroked up to Harry's
knee and stayed there, making tiny circles.
"So you wanna do it?" Harry said, his voice
slurred.
"Like this? Two women?"
"Yeah. Don't you want it?" Harry leaned forward,
elbows on thighs. "Aren't your nipples stiff? I can see
them through your shirt. Don't you feel heat between your
legs, wet heat? Don't you feel something opening up inside
you, like a whirlpool, wanting to draw what's outside
inward?"
The breath of those last words touched Tom's mouth just
before Harry's lips did. Harry turned his head from side to
side, brushing his lips over Tom's, both their mouths
slightly open, mingling their breaths. Tom's breathing
quickened, as did Harry's, and Harry cocked his head and
flicked his tongue over Tom's lips. Tom moved, convulsively,
sealing their mouths together, and Harry let his weight come down
on Tom, stretching out on top of him while their tongues
ecstatically got reacquainted.
Harry's hands found their way into Tom's hair, and Tom
wrapped his arms around Harry. It was Harry--the smell of him,
the feel of him, the silky heat and the taste of his mouth, and
the memory of what they had done, of Tom's cock sliding into
a perfectly aroused female body and that body was Harry's.
Tom didn't care now. Maybe it was the weed, and maybe it
wasn't, but he wanted it. He wanted Harry, even if they were
both women.
Tom tried to sit up, and Harry got off of him, kneeling over
Tom's legs. Tom started to unfasten the uniform he was still
wearing, and Harry took over for him. Tom let it happen, let
Harry peel the heavy fabric back from swollen breasts
unaccustomed to confinement within a bra and push it down slim
arms. There, that was so much better, so much cooler. He felt so
hot. Harry reached underneath Tom and pulled the uniform down his
legs, helped by the lifting of Tom's hips. Harry backed off
the sofa, taking the uniform with him. He pulled off Tom's
boots, then the uniform, and tossed them aside, then stripped off
his own shirt and slacks and sent them after the uniform. Now
they were both wearing the same thing, bra and underpants in
standard-issue beige.
Tom stood up, swaying more than a little. Harry caught hold of
him and their arms went around one another, breast snuggling
between breast, and Harry's mouth roaming over the thin
shoulders, the long, slender neck. Tom fumbled for the closure of
Harry's bra, and they peeled off those last few garments
without parting, Harry's mouth gliding over flushed skin
toward the bared breasts with their delicate pink nipples.
Tom moaned as one nipple was sucked in and warm fingers curved
over the other. "Not on the deck," he managed, and,
laughing, Harry tugged on his hand and led him to the
bedroom.
They stretched out side by side on the bed, eye to eye. "You
really are beautiful," Harry said, fingertips running
lightly down the side of Tom's face, brushing his dry, parted
lips.
"So are you." Hesitantly, Tom put a hand on Harry's
breast, but Harry covered it with his own and drew it away.
"You just relax. You made it good for me--let me make it
good for you, Tom." Harry smiled in a way that made heat
rush through Tom. "Let me prove to you that being a woman is
not a bad thing."
Harry's mouth met Tom's again in a searing kiss, so hot
that Tom kept wondering why he wasn't getting an erection.
'At least my nipples are--they're so stiff they
hurt.' Gentle fingers tugged at one of those nipples, twirled
it carefully, curled around the full flesh and squeezed. Tom
moaned into Harry's mouth, moaned more loudly when it left
his and began exploring his neck and throat, which seemed more
sensitive than ever. Tom shivered all over as Harry's lips
brushed one spot under his jaw, and he kept shivering when Harry
stayed there, nibbling and licking and sucking and all the while
gently but persistently tugging on the nipple--
Tom surprised himself more than Harry with an internal rippling
accompanied by a sharp soprano cry. Harry raised his head,
smiling. "I'll bet that was number one," he said
huskily, and bent to nip Tom's shoulder.
Tom's mind was racing. Had that been an orgasm? A man never
had any doubt, but how could a woman be sure? Now Harry's
fingers were on the other breast, and he was biting a little more
forcefully on the shoulders that rose to his touch. Tom realized,
almost with shock, that he was aroused not only by Harry's
touches, but by the feel of Harry's breasts moving slowly
down his body, by the gathering fragrance of Harry's
arousal.
He cried out again when that lush mouth closed over his nipple.
Dimly he remembered that he had made Harry come just by sucking
his nipples, but he'd never been that sensitive. Of course,
they'd never been female before.... Harry's nipples were
pressing into his stomach, and Harry's fingers and tongue
were pushing and pushing, Tom struggled against his lover's
weight--
It was like being punched in the gut, only it happened a good
deal lower. Something contracted inside Tom, squeezed tight as a
fist, and then it flew open, a bird flinging its wings to the
wind for the first time. The pleasure wiped out all thought, so
intense Tom was sure he was going to pass out--and then he came
to himself a few seconds later, Harry resting on his hip and
smiling, Tom as awake and alert as before.
"That was definitely an orgasm," Harry remarked,
eyes twinkling "I recognize the symptoms. Fun,
huh?"
Tom stretched languorously, really relaxing for the first time
since the change. Harry took advantage of his lover's change
in position to explore more thoroughly with hands and mouth,
stroking the long, slim arms and legs, cupping the neatly rounded
buttocks, kissing breasts and ribcage and stomach and thighs. Tom
was hardly aware of how he got there, but he found himself spread
out in the middle of the bed, arms above his head, legs apart,
one knee up, and Harry sitting between his feet, caressing his
inner thighs with teasing fingers.
"You have a beautiful pussy," Harry observed. His
fingers strayed close to the lightly-furred mound. "Do you
want to see it?"
Tom slowly shook his head. "I don't have the
nerve," he admitted. "Just--just touch me
there."
Those gentle fingers brushed down the length of the triangle,
from the broad furry base to the tiny well at the point. Then
back up the soft moist cleft, just parting the lips. Harry
stretched out beside Tom again, propped on his elbow so he could
watch Tom's face, and went by feel. He knew what was down
there--more intimately than ever.
Tom gasped as Harry took hold of his clit and pulled. "You
see?" Harry whispered. "It's erect." Harry
rubbed the tiny organ expertly. "I read in the medical
database that the clitoris has as many nerves as the head of the
penis-- concentrated in a much smaller space...."
Tom was more than able to believe that as Harry caressed him,
circling round and round his clit. 'My clit. Ye
gods....' Tom felt his hips moving in sensuous response,
tight circles that counterpointed what Harry was doing to him.
The air in the bedroom seemed to smell of female arousal as much
as the air in the living room had smelled of smoke, and it
wasn't all Harry. 'That's you, Paris, your odor,
it's not so different from what you're used to.'
Expert touches were spreading the already parted lips, dipping
closer and closer to the vagina. Tom arched against the
stimulation, wanting more and not wanting it, craving the
implosion of orgasm and fearing it at the same time. Harry was
kissing his breasts again, licking the hot hard nipples, and
pressing harder, until Tom bucked hard enough to throw off his
lover's hand, coming again and feeling it tear through his
throat.
Harry touched Tom's lips with wet fingers. "That's
you," he said, and licked the wetness. Tom was panting, not
knowing what he wanted next, wanting more, wanting to touch
Harry, just wanting.
Harry cupped his hand over Tom's mound again. "I want to
put my finger inside you, okay?" Tom nodded. He felt the
cautious intrusion, the tightness of his own muscles, the
slipperiness inside. In spite of the weed and Harry's
attention, he still wasn't completely relaxed.
'You're a coward, Paris,' said that voice in his head
that sounded so much like his father. 'Harry wasn't
afraid of you, and you were a man then. You could have done
anything to him.' 'But I wouldn't have,' he
answered. 'I wouldn't have done anything to hurt him. And
he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.' With that thought,
Tom breathed out, and opened up a little around the finger that
was slowly gliding in and out, not thrusting, just gliding.
Feeling the change, Harry settled his thumb on Tom's clit and
his mouth on Tom's nipple, and kept moving his finger in and
out, long slow strokes that caressed the spongy tissue in the
vagina, and he found that spot about four centimeters in--it was
a small but noticeable bump--and pulled out and then pressed two
fingers there there and let Tom keep moving, and Tom did,
gasping, higher and higher, until the waves went over him
again.
Tom was shaking, and Harry gathered him close, lips brushing his
neck. "You okay?" "I can't believe I keep
coming, and I can still think afterwards," Tom
replied breathlessly. Harry chuckled.
"Yeah, it's pretty amazing. So is being eaten."
Harry moved away, and Tom started to say that he wasn't sure
he was ready for that, and then there was no question, he was
more than ready.
He managed to look down at the dark glossy head between his legs.
For a moment it was possible to forget that Harry, too, was
female, to think that the Harry Tom had wanted for years was
licking him into a puddle. What a delicious idea. Tom began to
think Harry was right--being female had its advantages. The feel
of Harry's tongue exploring every wet fold, Harry's lips
teasing the swollen clit, was beyond any kind of comparison. Tom
had always really liked being sucked off, probably more than he
liked fucking, although he'd never said so to any partner.
This was better--as if everything a man felt, having his
cock in a willing mouth, was somehow concentrated, condensed,
intensified. Harry's tongue delved into the wet hole, and Tom
rose up until his back was a bow, Harry's hands coming
underneath to support him, and Tom thought his throat would be
torn out once again by the intensity of the screaming 'Is
that me?' as the whirlpool in his guts speeded up and
dragged everything in with it. "Oh, Harry, please,
please--" he sucked a lung-searing breath "--let me,
please, please--"
He couldn't be any more coherent than that, but Harry
understood. Harry straddled Tom's face and at the same time
slipped a finger inside again, and Tom returned the attention
with both hand and mouth, no longer thinking in any sense of the
word.
---
It took Tom a while to get his mind online again. He had been
lying tangled up with Harry for a happy interval that might have
been fifteen minutes or fifteen hours; he wasn't sure which
and didn't care. Sixty-nine was certainly a highlight of
being female--no worries about gagging one another-- but he'd
hoped having sex would make him change gender again, as it
apparently had before. Well, it hadn't. He sighed.
"Tired?" came the sleepy question from the other end of
the bed.
Tom sat up, feeling extremely thirsty. "Yeah. And thirsty.
Must be the weed. And, well, I'm still a woman."
"Being a woman is fun." Harry smiled and stretched,
yawning. "Or haven't I convinced you yet?"
"It was fun," Tom admitted, grinning despite himself,
"but I'm still not used to it."
Harry rolled off the bed and wandered into the living room,
returning with the cups and the jug of water. Tom was checking
himself over with his hands, shaking his head. "It made me
change before," he muttered.
Harry sat on the bed. "I hope you didn't have sex with
me just in the hope that it would change you back to male."
He didn't quite look at Tom as he handed him a cup of
water.
"Hell, no, Har." He ran a hand down Harry's smooth
back. "I wanted it. And I enjoyed it." Tom
grinned, and Harry saw the grin and returned it. "Multiple
orgasms are pretty mind-boggling."
"Cunt-boggling, too," Harry smirked, and started
giggling again. Tom choked on his mouthful of water and then
joined his lover in mild hysteria.
---
They were going down to the mess hall for lunch together when
Harry said something so quietly that Tom had to ask him to repeat
it. Harry stopped, so did Tom also.
"I said," Harry replied, not very loudly, "I
started menstruating this morning. And your turn is
next."
Tom froze and got visibly paler. "Oh, shit."
"Well, it's been four weeks. I guess we should have been
expecting it." Involuntarily, Harry's hand went to his
lower abdomen, cupping it, and he made a face.
"How do you feel?" "Bloated. Like I have to
urinate even when I don't. And the analgesic I took
doesn't seem to be helping the cramps very much, although
it's always been good for me before."
Harry straightened up and started walking again, so Tom followed,
licking his lips nervously. "Are the cramps bad?"
"Not really. Just... different. I was talking to Nicoletti
over breakfast, and she said that her first year or two of
menstruation was so painful, she couldn't go to school when
she had her period. The only thing that helped was alcohol--she
felt better if she had two or three glasses of wine. Which of
course she couldn't do, being a minor, not to mention that
she couldn't have gone to school half-drunk, either. But her
parents finally took her to a specialist, and they corrected the
hormone imbalance that was causing the pain. She's been fine
ever since."
By the time they got to the mess hall, Tom wasn't sure he was
still interested in lunch. Just the concept of chatting about
menstrual experiences over breakfast was pretty upsetting, let
alone the details of Sue Nicoletti's agonies. Harry, however,
loaded his plate with the greasiest, saltiest things he could
find, ate with evident relish, and washed it down with soka, an
easily synthesized, highly caffeinated beverage they'd picked
up somewhere along the way as a substitute for tea and
coffee.
Tom had more appetite at dinner, having been able to stomach only
a few dry rolls at lunch, and just went back to his quarters
afterward, apologizing to Harry. "I think I've
overeaten, for once." Harry went off to rehearse with the
orchestra, saying, "Call me if you need me, or if you just
want to talk."
Back in his quarters, Tom lay around, unable to concentrate on
anything, even a vid. His stomach was killing him, roiling in a
way that suggested gas pains, although he wasn't flatulent.
Taking an antacid didn't help, so he smoked some more weed,
which made him thirsty again, and finally took a soporific,
dropping into a heavy sleep.
Tom awoke somewhere in the depths of gamma shift, feeling that
something was terribly wrong. His body felt heavy as duranium,
and he seemed to have wet the bed. He hoped he hadn't, but he
wasn't sure how well he was reading this body's signals
yet, and he certainly hadn't had a wet dream, not unless
he'd shifted sex in his sleep, which would be very nice.
'Better check.'
He got up, stumbled into the bathroom, and turned on the light.
And screamed. His thighs and pubic hair were covered with blood,
bright red as if freshly spurted from an artery. For one insane
moment, Tom thought, 'Ohgodsno, I've been
castrated!!' Then he grabbed onto the sink, and reality
reasserted itself. 'I've already been castrated, so to
speak. Now I'm just--menstruating.'
His father's voice in his head started hectoring him again,
calling him weak and cowardly and sissy, but he had to do it. He
had to call Harry. Hadn't Harry made the invitation, right
after dinner? Tom drank some water from the faucet and then
raised his voice. "Tom Paris to Harry Kim."
After a moment a sleepy alto voice answered him. "Yeah,
Tom?"
Tom hesitated, what to say? "Harry, it's started. Can
you come over?"
There was nothing but reassurance in Harry's tone. "You
take a shower. I'll be right there."
Tom got out of the shower a few minutes later to find Harry
sitting on his couch, drinking green tea and wearing his usual
red silk robe over what appeared to be a black silk nightshirt.
It came down to his knees and had a low neck that exposed a lot
of breast.
Tom wrapped himself up in his terrycloth robe and rummaged in his
new collection of women's undergarments. "Don't
bother with those," Harry said. "I found something
better on the replicator menu." He got up, went to the
computer, and punched up a request that produced a neat little
pile of panties. He unfolded one and handed it to Tom.
"These have a padded crotch to absorb the flow, and
they're cut looser to accomodate it. When you feel the pair
you're wearing is soiled, just toss it in the recycler and
put on a fresh pair." He raised his robe and nightshirt over
one hip. "I'm wearing them now."
"You're having too much fun with this, Har," Tom
muttered, stepping into the panties. Bending over produced a
sharp twinge in his gut that made him wince.
"Cramp?"
"I guess so."
Harry turned back to the replicator. "I went into the
medical database today, in a lull, and looked up self-help for
menstrual cramps. It recommended alcohol, synthehol, and several
specific analgesics, but this was at the head of the list."
He addressed the computer. "Kim Menses 3, charged to Ensign
Harry Kim's account."
Tom watched as something red and glistening shimmered into view.
He blushed when it was all there. "Harry--a
dildo?"
"Not just a dildo--a vibrator." He picked up the
penis-shaped wand and twisted the base before dropping it into
Tom's hand. It hummed softly against Tom's palm, and he
closed his fingers around it before he could get embarassed
enough to drop it.
"Self-pleasuring with a vibrator is recommended for relief
of menstrual cramps and as therapy for women who are
inorgasmic." Harry grinned. "You and I don't have
that problem. But believe me, it works much better
than chemicals for the cramps."
Harry went back to the couch, picked up his tea, and finished it
off, while Tom stood looking bemusedly at the still-humming
object in his hand. "You have fun," Harry said, still
grinning wickedly. "I'm going back to bed."
Realizing somewhat belatedly that Harry had left, Tom switched
off the vibrator and went back to bed with it. He turned on his
bedside light and lay down on his side, the vibrator beside him.
He looked at it for a long time. Then he picked it up, looked at
it carefully, felt the shape of it. It was bright red, and
translucent till about halfway down, like a big lollipop. It was
also shaped like an erect penis of middling size, neither very
large nor very small. He turned the base and switched it on
again. The further one turned the base, the more powerfully the
vibrator hummed. Holding it made his hand ache a little.
Finally Tom sighed. 'What the hell.' He wriggled out of
his robe and stretched out on his back, legs spread, still
wearing the absorbent panties. Turning the vibrator down first,
he ran it gingerly down over his pubic mound.
The first touch of the vibrator over his clitoris brought an
involuntary shiver. Without thinking, Tom pressed the toy closer,
raising his hips at the same time. He knew women who practically
swore by their vibrators--the Delaney sisters among them--but
he'd always, well, looked down on the use of sex toys a
little. Maybe he'd felt that masturbating with a vibrator was
a little excessive. Maybe he'd felt threatened by the
presence of an extra penis, so to speak. He turned up the
vibrator a trifle. 'Tommy boy, you've got a lot to learn
about being a girl.'
After a moment Tom put the vibrator aside and shucked off the
panties, too. Judging by the crotch, he wasn't bleeding very
heavily at the moment. Another cramp rippled through his belly,
and he grabbed the vibrator and pressed it to his clit. Oh,
yes.... This was relief, all right.
With the vibrator turned about halfway to maximum, Tom ran it
almost methodically over his entire vulva. It was wonderfully
stimulating on the clit, of course, but it also felt good to hold
the length of the vibrator to his cleft, or to run it slowly up
and down between the lips and over the inner lips. He reached
down with his other hand and felt himself: wet, even slippery,
the inner lips swelling out past the outer ones. He looked at his
hand, sniffed it. There was a faint coppery tang, but the wetness
he felt wasn't blood; it was arousal.
Drawing his knees up, he played with the humming instrument,
increasing the power every now and then, coming closer and closer
to climax without ever quite getting there. He knew how to do
that to a lover, how to coax a woman up the hill yet delay her
arrival at the top until just the right moment, do it with his
cock or his hands or his mouth. Could he do it for himself?
Shivers of pleasure went through his thighs, sensations like
hundreds of tiny knots being loosened in the muscles of his legs
and buttocks. Cautiously, Tom reduced the power of the vibrator
and dipped the head of it into his vagina.
Oh, my.... Tom could not believe he was doing this, but it felt
so good, so right. He kept pressing the vibrator into his vagina,
feeling the vibrations spread out, down his legs and up his
spine, going deeper and deeper, until it stopped. He looked down
at his hand, surprised. He couldn't really see anything, but
he could tell by sensation that he had the whole length of the
artificial cock buried in his cunt.
Reckless with pleasure, now, he twisted the vibrator up to
maximum. His back arched like a bow as his vaginal muscles
clamped down on the thing in the fiercest orgasm he'd felt
yet, pleasure that lanced through him like a spear and broke him
apart. His guiding hand moved spasmodically, pulling and pushing
the vibrator, fucking himself, and he heard as if from a great
distance one piercing cry after another, "Oh! OH! OHH!"
as the agony built i
nto ecstasy, and he came again and again and again.
'Whew.' Tom realized, vaguely, that he had finally
stopped coming, and the feel of the vibrator was shading over
from pleasure into irritation. He switched it off and gently
withdrew it, feeling a little gush of something, nectar or blood.
'Congratulations, Mr. Paris,' he thought, holding up the
sex toy stained with menstrual blood. 'You've just fucked
yourself into orgasm.' He grinned as wickedly as Harry had.
'And it was great.'
---
"Hey, Doc, can we talk for a minute?" Paris was serving
one of his usual duty shifts in Sickbay as a medical assistant.
There were no patients at the moment, and the holographic Doctor
was sitting at his desk, reviewing his recent log entries. He
looked up at the lieutenant, who was lounging in the doorway of
the CMO's office in his usual fashion, and thought briefly
that Mr. Paris made an attractive female by his culture's
standards. "Of course, Mr. Paris. Come in."
Tom seated himself in front of the desk, looking awkward and
faintly embarassed, as he did so often lately. "Listen, Doc,
how close are you to a cure?"
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "A cure for what? There are
no intractable diseases rampant aboard Voyager, I am happy to
say."
Lt. Paris blushed, rather charmingly. "I mean for me and
Harry. How close are you to fixing what's happened to
us?"
The Doctor pinned Paris with one of his famous slightly disgusted
looks. "Femininity is not a disease, Mr. Paris, as I'm
sure the Captain and the Chief of Engineering, among others,
would confirm for you." He swiveled around in his chair and
got up. "The ornegiv hormone is now a normal part of your
system. Your own glands are manufacturing it. To attempt to
extract it would cause you damage, and therefore I will not do
so. In short, Mr. Paris, the change is genetic. My responsibility
as a physician is to help you to live with it and to learn to
control gender-shifting voluntarily, like the
Harrogeti."
It was obvious from Paris's face that he was not happy with
this answer, but he nodded. "Well, then," the
lieutenant went on, blushing more brightly than ever, "what
about contraception?"
---
Harry looked at himself critically in the mirror. Since the
change, he'd stopped trimming his hair, and it had amazed him
by growing out enthusiastically in the past two months. He'd
had to resort to tying it back while on duty, sometimes using a
barette, sometimes a broad leather cuff which laced together. But
it was down to the tips of his shoulders now, and it was
good hair--healthy, glossy, thick, soft. The same women who
used to admire it on him were now sighing with envy and telling
him how lucky he was to have such good hair, with so little
effort.
Harry felt it was time to make a little effort. He was going to
Sandrine's to play pool with Tom, and he was going to do
something he hadn't done before: He was going to wear a
dress. He'd come up with something traditionally Chinese--a
short-sleeved gown in dark blue silk with a mandarin collar,
neatly fitted, coming down below the knee, with slits up the
sides. The front overlapped and fastened just above the left
breast with a toggle of carved white jade. Underneath he went for
matching indigo tights and flat slippers in black silk.
He needed one more thing: something better than the barette or
the cuff for his hair. Suddenly the image came to him, and he
smiled as he ordered it from the replicator: a pair of black
lacquered sticks tipped with dark red tassels. His fingers moved
with surprising ease to wind the thick hair into a coil and
secure it with the sticks, although it took a couple of tries to
make them hold. Once they were in place, Harry turned his head
from side to side before the mirror, watching the tassels swing
as he did so. 'Perfect.' He went to meet Tom at his
quarters.
"Gods, Harry, you look great." Tom's cheeks heated
up just a little.
"So do you," Harry replied. Tom's feminine civvies
ran pretty close to what he had worn as a man, as had Harry's
up to this occasion, and he was dressed in faded jeans that
showed off just how long his legs were and a white long-sleeved
shirt that, with its turned-up collar, showed off both full
breasts and long neck. He had also been letting his hair grow,
but instead of growing downward, like Harry's, it was growing
around itself into loose little curls which Harry found very
endearing. At the moment, Tom reminded Harry agreeably of a
certain actress from those twentieth-century videos Tom was
hooked on, what was her name, Kathryn something, actually. It was
a good look for him.
Walking together to the holodeck where Sandrine's customarily
ran, Harry reflected that he was getting used to being a woman.
He'd just completed his second menstrual period, and after
showering and shampooing, he'd felt so renewed that he'd
acted on the impulse to dress up. Why not enjoy the experience?
Clothes and hair ornaments were new toys to play with, and
besides that, he'd seen another side of women friends
he'd known for years and gotten to know women that he'd
barely spoken to. The experience of menstruating had admitted him
to the club; he'd talked to Sue Nicoletti, the first time it
happened, and Sue, whom he'd never thought of as a gossip,
had apparently talked to every other woman on board, including
the Captain. He'd gotten megabytes of advice and friendly
commiseration on all sorts of topics, from coping with cramps
(the vibrator was a favorite recommendation) to coping with
males. It was as if Voyager's female crew had forgotten Harry
Kim had been born a man. Tom seemed to have relaxed a good deal,
too. He glided down the corridor with most of his old grace, his
long sloping strides almost feline. This was not the first time
they'd hung out in Sandrine's since the change, but it
was the first time Tom had explicitly suggested that they
play some pool. Harry had kept up his game and wickedly hoped he
might beat Tom, who was out of practice. 'Unless he's
been playing against Gaunt Gary when no one else is
around....'
Their entrance into Sandrine's caused a stir, but this time,
Harry enjoyed having every eye fix on him. That was what he'd
wanted, he realized, or why else would he have fussed over his
appearance so much? As always, it was the women who rushed up to
admire, feeling the texture of the gown, circling round to take
in the hair sticks, and lavishing extravagant words of praise
with which he had no intention of disagreeing. The men for whom a
woman might ostensibly dress hung on the sidelines, watching but
not approaching.
Tom looked almost mortified, but fortunately, the Captain came
over, took him casually by the arm, and with an offhand word of
praise for his outfit--nearly identical to her own--drew him into
a game of pool. Harry sighed and went to the bar to get some
drinks, beer for Tom and wine for himself, both merely synth, of
course.
He leaned on the bar, wine in hand, Tom's beer waiting behind
him, and let his gaze wander around the room. There usually
weren't this many people in Sandrine's, but they'd
recently run through a pretty hairy region of space, tiny
asteroids and debris for lightyears around, with pockets of gas
and whatnot; everyone had been tense, navigating such a tricky
course, and now that Voyager was past it, people were venting the
tension. It cheered Harry up to think how calmly, well, cocky Tom
had been, brazenly confident about his ability to handle the
piloting 'just like he used to be', and Tom had been
right: Harry had watched those hands on the conn for days, long,
strong, and slender, dancing or flying over the controls with the
same skill as always. 'He hasn't lost it, and I think he
knows that now.'
Henley came over and asked Harry a question about the sensor
logs, and from there they went on to what Wildman, dimpling, had
called "girl talk," the hair sticks, the shoes--Henley
had sore feet that resisted all Starfleet Medical's efforts
to fix them up--and not-too-subtle questions about Harry's
relationship with Tom. Tom had beaten the Captain, unbelievably,
and Harry was on his second glass of wine before he realized that
Henley was coming on to him. 'Well, you knew women were her
first choice. And now you're a woman.' Flattered though
he was, Harry wasn't really interested, so he tried the same
sort of distancing he would have used as a man, and it seemed to
work, putting Henley off without hurting her too much.
When Henley went to talk to Golwat, who'd just come in, Harry
ordered Tom a fresh beer and headed for the pool table, where Tom
was chatting with Bateheart.
---
Tom was leaning on his pool cue, listening to Batehart with an
odd expression on his face, as Harry approached bearing drinks.
By the time Harry came up next to Tom, Tom had moved away from
Batehart and was racking up the balls for another game. He took
the beer with a smile and drank half of it at one pull.
"What was that?" Harry asked, cocking his head at
Batehart. Tom saw the tassels on the hair sticks sway back and
forth, distracting and charming at once
"Nothing," Tom answered, ignoring the irritating flush
in his cheeks. "He was just coming on to me."
Harry choked on his wine a little, but managed to say, fairly
calmly, "Funny, Henley was just coming on to me. I let her
know I wasn't interested, and she seemed okay with
that."
Harry grabbed a pool cue, and Tom signaled for him to break.
"Well, I don't know if that'll be enough for
Pablo." Both of them glanced at the ensign, who was at the
far end of the table now. He was obviously watching them with a
look Harry'd never seen on a man's face, at least not
directed toward him. It was admiring and contemptuous at the same
time and made Harry wish his dress weren't quite so
form-fitting. Batehart said something to the two or three other
Maquis guys who were sitting nearby, Garibaldi, Gesualdo,
what's-his-name, and their answering laughter, an auditory
equivalent of that sneering smile, made Harry blush a little as
well.
Harry took his first shot and scratched it, troubled by the
feeling of being watched. Eyes gliding from the table to Batehart
and back again, Tom took position close to Harry and bent to line
up the shot. He snapped back upright at the same moment Harry
felt something so outrageous he couldn't interpret it for a
second: an uninvited hand on his ass.
Both of them turned around to catch Batehart red-handed, as it
were, fondling both of them at the same time. The stink of real
alcohol on his breath was quite evident. "Do you two do
threesomes?"
Harry's eyes flicked to Tom--Yes--and simultaneously they
shifted their pool cues to the other hands and aimed their fists
at Batehart's face.
He dropped like a stone, too fast for anyone to catch him.
Feeling suddenly dizzy, Harry gulped for air, realized people
were staring, and looked at Tom. His jaw dropped.
"Tom! It's--you've changed back!"
Tom looked down at himself and stopped his hand from settling on
his groin just in time. He looked back to Harry. "So have
you!"
At the thought of his male body in a silk dress and lacquered
hair sticks, Harry Kim collapsed on the nearest chair and laughed
himself silly. "Lucky you," he gasped to Tom, "you
still look good in your outfit."
---
Harry turned over in bed and muttered, "Oh, fuck it."
He'd been trying without success to get to sleep for over an
hour; it was time to give up and get out of bed.
Not bothering with his robe, he went out to the living room and
over to the replicator. He called up a menu of insomnia remedies
and read down the list, then ordered some chamomile tea. It
wasn't really chamomile, of course, only a replicated tea
with soothers added in, but it would do. Nobody except Kes could
get herbs to thrive in airponics, and Kes was gone. At times like
this, he really missed her, and not just because of her skill in
botany. He used to be able to talk to Kes, and he wasn't sure
who to talk to now.
Almost three weeks had gone by since he and Tom had slugged Pablo
Batehart and spontaneously changed back to masculinity. Since
that time, Tom had been assiduously avoiding him. They worked the
same duty shift, as always, but instead of hovering near at
breaktime and dinnertime, waiting to invite or be invited, Tom
somehow slipped away. He didn't sit with Harry at dinner; he
eluded offers to play pool; when Harry called, Tom was always
busy. It was killing Harry. It would have hurt him to be avoided
before he had fluctuating male and female hormones in his system;
it hurt worse now.
'What you need, Kim,' he gulped down the last of the
futile tea, 'is a good fuck.' In some ways it was just
that simple. Harry missed Tom, not only his company, but his
body, his touch, his cock.... After yearning for Tom for longer
than he cared to reckon up, Harry had had two spectacular
sessions of sex with the man. Never mind that the first time with
Tom, Harry had been female, and the second time, Tom had been
female, too. Even in male form, Harry was quite able to be horny
from the memory of those incidents, and to long for more, in
whatever combination seemed good. He'd wanted to have Tom as
a lover when they were both exclusively male, and that hadn't
changed. Their genders had, however, and it seemed that Tom only
wanted sex, only wanted Harry, when one or both of them was
female. Harry knew he was close to tears and felt like smashing
the teacup against the bulkhead. "Damned hormones," he
muttered. What to do now? Smash something up, and raise his
testosterone? Switch to female, and have a good cry? Or just give
himself an orgasm and be done with it, regardless of which
genitalia were involved?
After the incident with Batehart, the Doctor had proposed
biofeedback as a method of controlling the changes. Harry
didn't know whether Tom had taken the suggestion, but he had.
By monitoring his levels of androgens and estrogens while
experimenting with different kinds of imagery, Harry had learned
to induce the gender switch voluntarily. He still wasn't a
hundred percent successful at doing so, and he was still subject
to unexpected changes, but he was getting better. He'd come
over female two days ago, while in a turbolift with Tom and
Crewman Geron and Ensign Henley, and he'd managed to shift
back by picturing himself, as a man, beating up a faceless
opponent. A faceless opponent who happened to be tall and lean
and probably fair-haired, but at least he'd succeeded. Sooner
or later he'd be able to raise his testosterone without
having to think about bashing somebody.
Harry recycled his teacup and went back to the bedroom to stand
before the mirror. He was partially erect just from thinking
about Tom. Looking into the eyes of his reflection, he saw
himself as female, clad in the dark blue dress he'd worn to
Sandrine's, the lacquered sticks tucked in the coil of his
hair, their red tassels swaying. Saw Tom coming up behind him,
male, and pulling the sticks out with gentle fingers, lifting the
heavy length of hair and rubbing it over his face, stepping
closer to reach around to the single white jade toggle that
closed the dress--
The image rippled, and Harry was female. His nipples stood out,
and he didn't have to touch himself to feel the hardness of
his clit, the wetness of his folds. The tears slipped noiselessly
down his cheeks.
---
Tom strode back to his quarters as if the Furies were at his
heels. He had to get away from those dark eyes that followed him;
they were like an addiction he was trying to break. Gods, it
wasn't easy turning away from them, especially with his blood
still drunk with not one but three kinds of sexual hormones. He
just didn't want to take advantage of Harry again. He
didn't want to admit how much he wanted to.
Once in his quarters, Tom stripped to his skin and didn't
bother putting leisure clothes on. As had become his habit, he
checked himself quickly in the bedroom mirror; yes, he was still
a man. He couldn't quite get over the feeling that he was
going to look one day and be both and neither, half man, half
woman, not Tom Paris any more. He'd taken the Doc's
biofeedback course and worked hard at staying masculine, keeping
the testosterone flowing. It made him feel good, but it also made
him horny.
Dinner was comfort food: coffee, a grilled cheese sandwich, and
plain hot tomato soup. It went soothingly over the palate while
thoughts went bumpily through his mind. 'Only two times,'
he kept trying to tell himself. 'It was only two times that
you had sex with Harry. You were with the Delaneys way more often
than that. What's the big deal?'
Bad question. His mind obligingly answered it by reviewing
memories of Harry, a beautifully feminine Harry, crying out with
pleasure under Tom's hands and mouth, and by suggesting
images of an equally gorgeous masculine Harry groaning and
bucking as he came under the same stimulus. 'You want him.
You've always wanted him. Since the moment you first saw him.
How could you not?'
The pleasure of food did not compete well with the pressure of a
stiff dick, in Tom's experience. Vague thoughts of ice cream
for dessert were banished by persistent fantasies of Harry's
come for dessert instead. Tom groaned. Gods, he was tired of
jerking off. He was bloody well starting to get chafed, he'd
fucked his own hand so often lately. 'You want him,' that
traitorous part of his mind insisted. 'You want him to
jerk you off, to fuck you, and what's worse, to hold you
afterward until you fall asleep. And to be there when you wake
up.'
All too true. There were times even on duty when he couldn't
get it out of his mind, the memories and the fantasies together
forming impossible scenarios in which both he and Harry flowed
from male to female to male. And they all ended with a peaceful
sleep in one another's arms--not something Tom Paris was
famous for doing.
Tom recycled his dishes and went and stood before the mirror
again. There were hints of sleeplessness in the shadows under
those eyes, the lines that curved down from the corner of that
mouth. But he was all male, one hundred percent. He snorted, then
sighed. 'Not one hundred percent, Tommy boy. Not ever
again.' For the first time, he wondered if he could switch to
female at will. He'd devoted everything he'd learned from
biofeedback to staying the sex he was born. Could he change?
Would it make a difference?
Tom looked into the eyes of his reflection and pictured it
female. Pictured Harry coming up behind him, male, and putting
strong arms around him, drawing him close. Imagined Harry's
gentle fingers stimulating feminine nipples, drawing them out,
Harry's lips wandering over his neck, triggering nerves
located much further south. Heard his own voice, soprano, crying
out with need and delight as Harry entered him.
The image rippled, and it had worked. He was female now, and
still every bit as horny. He turned his back on the mirror and
went to his night table drawer for the vibrator.
---
"Has he talked to you?" B'Elanna asked in a low
voice.
Sam Wildman shook her head. They were eating lunch together in
Engineering while working on a project and talking about Harry
Kim. Since Harry and Tom had reverted to masculinity over four
weeks ago, Tom had been avoiding Harry like the proverbial
plague, and Harry and Tom alike were obviously suffering. Harry
had gotten closer to both B'Elanna and Sam as a woman, and
they were worried about him, and about Tom, too.
"That isn't like him." B'Elanna slurped her
soup and scowled at it. "He used to cry on my shoulder about
everything, but now all he talks is sensor logs and Engineering
problems."
Sam nodded sadly. "We were seeing a lot of him for a while,
and now Naomi misses him." She smiled despite herself.
"She keeps asking me when we'll see 'Aunt Harry'
again."
The two women laughed and then shushed themselves. They were
expecting to see Harry for the second half of his shift, and he
might come in any minute.
"It seems plain to me," Sam went on, stirring her
coffee meditatively, "that they really want to be together,
so what's the problem? Male or female, they love each
other."
"They do," said B'Elanna positively. "You
know, they had sex twice, once while Tom was still a man, and
once while they were both women."
"Really! Harry didn't tell me that."
B'Elanna smiled, not exactly fondly. 'You don't know
how to pry it out of him, Sammie.' "Yes, really, and it
was great."
Sam blushed, just a little. "I wish he had told me. I could
use the entertainment."
---
"I'm concerned about Mr. Paris, Captain."
Janeway leaned against her CMO's desk. "Why is that,
Doctor?"
"Frankly, I don't think it's good for him to remain
in masculine gender all the time. He's been using the control
gained through biofeedback training to suppress his feminine
hormones, and hormones won't be denied forever. I'm
afraid he might lose control of himself in some sort of hormonal
overload."
Janeway nodded slowly. "I'll try talking to him,
Doctor." She grinned wryly. "Woman to woman, as it
were."
---
"You wanted to see me, Captain?"
Paris was dressed in civvies, since it was about 1900 hours; a
simple brown shirt and slacks, not a very flattering color, but
it wasn't just the outfit that made Janeway think he looked
bad. Out of uniform, it was much more evident that he looked
tired, overstressed, close to breaking, despite the fact that the
last few weeks had been mercifully uneventful for the ship as a
whole, just travelling and scanning.
"Sit down, Tom." Janeway hoped her use of his name and
her own appearance in civilian clothing--the same thing she'd
worn to Sandrine's on the night of the "Batehart
incident"--would put him at ease. He dropped onto the couch
and didn't meet her eyes. His shoulders sagged.
Janeway decided to be blunt. "I'm worried about you,
Tom." He raised his eyebrows and tried for a cocky grin.
"What for, Captain?"
"Have you looked at yourself lately?" she asked, trying
to keep her tone gentle. Tom flinched at that. "You're
too close to the edge, Tom. I'm no doctor, but I can tell
you're undernourished, under-rested, and overstressed. And
the Doctor tells me you could be risking a hormonal overload by
remaining in masculine gender all the time."
He shook his head slightly. "I do change sometimes, Captain,
just not where people can see me." 'Not where Harry can
see me.'
"Have you talked to Harry lately?" Janeway's voice
was as soft as she could make it.
Tom's eyes filled with tears, but there was nothing he could
do except to blink them away. "No, Captain." "Why
not, Tom? He's your best friend. Why are you hiding from his
friendship?"
Janeway laid her hand on his shoulder, as she so often did while
they were on duty. She was utterly chagrined, shocked even, when
Tom began to cry. He didn't burst into loud sobs and fall to
pieces; he simply stopped fighting, sagging even more into the
soft couch. After biting her lip for a moment, Janeway leaned
forward and lightly put her arms around him. "It's all
right," she said automatically, thinking how meaningless
those words were. She repeated them anyway. "It's going
to be all right."
---
"I don't make a habit of interfering in my officers'
personal lives," the Captain said, "but when their
personal lives interfere with their duties, they become my
business."
"Of course, Captain," Ensign Kim replied, and wondered
what the hell was going on. 'Is it because I've been
female fairly often lately?' He was female at the moment.
'That can't be it.'
Janeway paused for a moment, looking over the ensign's
shoulder. His hair was almost as long as hers now, decorously
pulled back for duty. 'The direct approach,' Janeway said
to herself, and met the other woman's gaze. "Harry, do
you know Tom is in love with you?"
Harry was absolutely speechless. A lump swelled up in his throat
and tears welled up in his eyes. "To be honest,
Captain," he said at last, "I thought he must hate me
now. He won't spend time with me, won't even talk to
me."
"Two days ago, Tom sat on my couch and cried when I asked
him why he hadn't talked to you about the stress he's
feeling. He told me he's in love with you, he's been in
love with you for years, and he feels he took advantage of you by
having sex when you were both--'hormonally swamped', I
believe he called it."
"That idiot," Harry said feelingly. He wiped his face.
"I guess he doesn't know I'm in love with
him."
"He won't know if you don't tell him." The
Captain spoke lightly, but she patted Harry's hand with
warmth. "Go talk to him, Harry. Sabotage the turbolift if
you have to, but talk to him."
---
Nobody seemed to notice when Harry walked into Sandrine's. It
was late evening for alpha shift, and many people had already
come and gone. But as the computer had told him, Tom was still
here--sitting back in a corner, wreathed in smoke, alone except
for an empty glass. Harry made a quiet musical request to the
computer and then wended his way slowly through the bar toward
Tom.
Tom looked up in vague surprise as Harry stopped by his table.
'He looks awful,' Harry thought, but that didn't
matter. A Tom Paris with bags under his eyes and grooves beside
his mouth and a burnt-out stub of weed in an ashtray by his hand
was still a Tom Paris Harry loved. He held out his hand.
"Wanna dance?"
Tom sat for a long moment, eyes on that inviting hand, not
knowing whether he was capable of doing what he wanted to do.
Finally, he dragged himself to his feet, put his hand in
Harry's, and let himself be led to the dance floor. Harry was
female today, dressed in a green blouse and a long black skirt,
with a string of green gems at his throat. Tom's arms went
around Harry's waist as Harry's went around his neck, and
the long black hair under his hands smelled of jasmine.
Harry's forehead rested against Tom's neck. All they did
was sway in rhythm to the long phrases of "Moonlight
Serenade," but Tom felt the tension going out of him,
draining away, the terrible dryness of his soul being watered by
Harry, Harry's scent, his touch, his love. Was the Captain
right? "I think Harry loves you just as much as you love
him, Tom," she had said. "Why don't you ask
him?"
Tom tightened his grip on Harry, drawing a shaky breath, and
Harry raised his head so that his lips brushed Tom's ear.
"I love you, too," Harry whispered. The tears ran down
Tom's face onto Harry's blouse.
---
Tom was moaning, his hips moving in tight circles, and Harry was
hard, throbbingly hard, as his fingers probed deeper into
Tom's asshole, opening him up and slicking him down for what
they both wanted. Finally, finally, after waiting so long, they
were making love as men, meeting as lovers on the same ground
where they had met as friends. Tom was so responsive, relaxing
quickly under Harry's intimate touch, and Harry had never
been so hard, painfully hard, eager to bury himself in his
lover's flesh. He pulled his fingers out and went in again
with three, and Tom threw back his head and groaned, "Gods!
Harry, do it, do it, fuck me--"
And then Harry woke up.
He was in Tom's bed, cuddling Tom with the other man's
back against his chest, and he had the most throbbing erection of
his life. Tom's head was on Harry's arm, Harry's
other arm stretched out along Tom's leg, and Harry's cock
was pressed into the small of Tom's back. Tom was snoring
softly.
He remembered coming back here after going to Tom last night, in
Sandrine's. He'd asked Tom to dance and had some of the
worst fifteen seconds of his life waiting for Tom's response.
And then Tom had gotten up, taken his hand, and they had danced,
maybe for hours. When both of them were too tired to keep
standing up, Tom had murmured, "Come sleep with me, Har.
Just sleep." Harry had slept like a log and changed gender
while he was sleeping.
Harry opened his eyes and saw the back of Tom's neck, long
and slim and bordered by reddish-blond curls. He'd always
wanted to kiss Tom there, nibble on him and and lick him and
maybe leave a few marks, and this was the perfect opportunity.
'I'd love to make that dream I just had come true.'
Harry bent and placed his lips precisely on the small bump at the
base of the neck, brushing it gently. A shiver went through the
long, lean form in his arms, and he heard a tiny sound.
Encouraged, he worked his way up to the hairline with lips and
tongue, making Tom's shoulders shift and rub delightfully
against Harry's nipples.
He headed back down the side of Tom's neck to his shoulder,
pausing to bite gently right where neck and shoulder joined. That
caused a whole-body wiggle that caressed his cock with such
dangerous friction that he moved back a few centimeters. Nuzzling
the prominent point of Tom's shoulder, he ran his hand up
Tom's thigh, over his stomach, up to his chest--and stopped,
startled, when he encountered a curve where he'd expected a
flat contour.
Tom made an unmistakably disappointed noise, took the interrupted
hand, and placed it firmly over his breast. Harry's surprise
didn't keep him from acting on the invitation; the nipple
beneath his palm was erect and so was his cock, so he proceeded.
He toyed with one nipple and then the other, nibbling Tom's
neck and shoulders, until Tom groaned and rolled over,
invitingly, arms above his head and mouth open. Just as Harry got
close enough for the kiss they both wanted, the blue eyes
fluttered open, right before Harry would have gotten too close to
see them, and he stopped, because the look in those eyes said Tom
had just noticed he was female.
"I changed in my sleep." Husky soprano.
Harry nodded. "So did I." Smooth bass.
Tom hesitated for only a moment before winding his fingers into
Harry's hair and bringing him down for the kiss he'd
intended. Tom's mouth opened beneath Harry's, eagerly,
and the kiss was so good, so breathtakingly hot, that Harry had
to pull his mouth away or else come against his lover's
thigh. "I'm sorry," he gasped, "I was having a
dream about us and I'm really, really--"
Slim strong fingers closed around his cock and in two or three
strokes brought on the climax he'd been building to since
before he woke. Tom grinned wickedly as Harry bucked into his
touch, groaning and gasping, and then collapsed onto his back.
Tom moved over to drape himself across Harry's chest and idly
rub the spilled semen into Harry's skin and his own.
"Man, that was good," Harry whispered a few minutes
later. "I really needed it."
"I'm not a man right now, but I've still got
it." Tom was actually grinning. Grinning himself, Harry
pulled his lover down for another kiss, feeling far from sated.
In fact, he was glad he'd come already; now he could take his
time pleasuring Tom with no urgency.
Tom felt more relaxed this morning than he had in weeks. He was
pretty certain that his newfound relaxation had caused the change
while he slept. He knew he'd slept better last night than he
had in weeks, probably because Harry was there and there was no
hiding from him any more. 'Or from yourself.' When the
kiss broke, he snuggled up against Harry's side, head tucked
between chest and shoulder, and stroked Harry's chest,
lightly brushing his nipples, until Harry rolled over and pulled
him close for another hungry kiss.
It was better, this time, than when they had made love as women.
Tom wasn't sure why, but from the moment Harry found that
spot on his throat, it was better. Harry still smelled of jasmine
and of sweat and of semen, and he kept sucking and biting that
spot under Tom's jaw until he screamed his climax. Harry went
slowly, carefully, lavishing attention on Tom's breasts,
coaxing out more orgasms, placing kisses on the inside of the
wrist and in the crook of the elbow, nuzzling Tom's navel,
kneading his ass with firm hands. For the first time since his
long ago relationship with Arthur, Tom felt smaller, weaker, more
vulnerable, and it was okay. Harry wasn't going to hurt him.
Not now, not ever.
He spread his legs and raised his cunt to Harry's adoring
mouth. The orgasms were not as piercing as his first ones as a
woman; they were more like waves, or like birds confidently
breaking the egg and bursting into flight the next moment, and
his voice rose and fell in waves, saying Harry's name over
and over and over. Harry sucked on his clit, and Tom screamed
incoherently, and Harry raised his head to grab a breath and,
smiling, kissed Tom's thigh.
Tom gestured for Harry to come up. Arms and legs and lips wove
together, and Tom drowned in his own taste and smell. Harry's
thigh was between his own, and he noticed he was rubbing
deliberately against it in spite of his last spate of climaxes.
Harry's mouth was wandering over his neck again, and Tom
grabbed at his courage and forced out the words. "Harry,
please fuck me."
Harry gave him a startled look. "I will, love,"
punctuating the promise with a kiss, "but I don't think
you're ready yet."
Tom turned his head away. "Har, I'm afraid if we
don't do it soon, I'll lose my nerve."
Harry kissed his lover's cheek. "No, you won't. Just
relax."
Another meandering trip down Tom's body. More climaxes, every
bit as shattering as before. Tom wondered if women were ever
really satisfied, if he had satisfied women as well as he thought
he had. Harry turned his back to Tom's gaze and bent so that
he was almost in sixty-nine position, to caress Tom's clit
with slow licks. When Tom was whimpering again, Harry carefully
pressed his finger into the vagina. Tom was more relaxed than now
than he'd been when they made love as women, and Harry
switched from one finger to two, still licking and sucking while
massaging Tom inside as carefully as if he were preparing him for
anal penetration. Thinking of that association gave Harry an
idea. He withdrew briefly from Tom's vagina and slipped one
finger between Tom's buttocks. The moan he got sounded good,
so he gently worked his fingertip into Tom's anus, then sank
the other wet finger back into the vagina, and sucked hard on the
clit. Tom arched up like a bow, hitting an impossibly high note
that made Harry expect the port to shatter, and then went limp.
Harry sat up.
"Now you're ready," he said.
He stretched out beside Tom, stroking his arm and waiting for him
to recover. When Tom turned to him, Harry pulled him close,
kissing him thoroughly and gradually shifting so that he was on
his back, Tom stretched out on top of him. Tom writhed sensuously
in his grasp, and Harry began to feel that his second erection
really deserved to be taken seriously now. Tom pulled away
suddenly with a little cry.
"I think I just came from kissing you," he said
breathlessly.
Harry brushed back sweaty curls from Tom's forehead.
"Why don't you take me inside you?" he said
comfortably. Tom drew himself up, kissed Harry again, and
slithered backward until Harry's cock was between his thighs.
Kneeling up, Tom reached for Harry with one hand, himself with
the other. The whole length of Harry's cock was slippery in
his hand, and the blunt head went easily into the opening between
the parted lips. Tom let his weight come down, one centimeter at
a time, and Harry filled him, stretching him, rubbing with
perfect friction over the moist membranes. The medical database
said there weren't many nerve endings in the vagina, but
every millimeter of Tom's vagina felt every millimeter of
Harry's cock. Harry moaned softly as Tom took him in, his
eyes closed, until Tom's bottom brushed Harry's balls.
Then Harry opened his eyes and looked at Tom's face,
frightened, ecstatic, exalted all at once.
With Harry's hands massaging his breasts, Tom moved on his
lover, hesitantly at first, back and forth. As he grew more
comfortable and felt more pleasure, the rocking motions changed
to circling, with just a little up and down. Harry's hands
drifted down to Tom's hips, and Tom bent forward, whimpering
sharply as his nipples were caught between hungry lips. He
shifted back harder, oh, yes, and now Harry wedged his fingers
between their joined flesh, seeking Tom's clit. The pressure
there combined with the friction inside had Tom pushing down hard
onto Harry's cock, oh, oh, oh, oh YES! and Tom came with that
piercing intensity that frightened him, his whole body
contracting on Harry's, and then sagged over Harry's
chest.
He didn't resist when Harry wrapped his arms around him and
rolled him over, staying inside. Now Harry was on top, braced on
his elbows, going deeper in tiny thrusts that seemed to open Tom
more than he'd thought possible. Tom looked into those dark
eyes, smoldering with passion held in check, and answered the
question he saw there by lifting his legs and locking them around
Harry's waist. "Yes," he hissed, and Harry thrust
in earnest, no more than four or five quick hard strokes, and
exploded within Tom, his face transcendent, and Tom caught fire
from Harry and arched up and came, silently, one last time.
---
It was good to eat breakfast with Harry again. Tom had not missed
the looks and the murmured comments when they came into the mess
hall together, himself female and Harry male, but at the moment,
he didn't care. He felt foolishly in love and even
Neelix's disgusting slander on the name of omelette (the real
Sandrine would have spat at it) couldn't spoil his mood.
Harry, too, seemed to be having trouble keeping a smile off his
face. 'At least if I'm a woman I don't have to worry
about my dick showing through the uniform,' Tom thought. He
had to resist the urge to run his foot up Harry's muscular
thigh underneath the table, just to see him fidget in that way
that means a man has to adjust his accoutrements.
B'Elanna plunked her tray on the table next to Harry's.
"So, how many times did you do it since last night?"
she asked cheerfully. Her voice was about as loud as it was when
she was calling out orders in Engineering.
Harry choked on his juice and Tom turned beet red. B'Elanna
grinned salaciously. "Have I ever mentioned that people
smell different to me after they've had sex?" she
inquired.
---
'Just my luck,' Tom thought irritably. 'I finally get
together with the one I love, and then an away mission keeps him
from me for three days.'
He checked the conn readouts and adjusted Voyager's orbit
ever so slightly. They'd been circling this hunk of rock for
three days, and Harry was down there, one of a dozen teams mining
the unclaimed asteroid for vital minerals. Tom was so bored he
could barely keep his mind on his work and had been pulling extra
shifts in Sickbay to fill up the hours he would have spent with
Harry. Even being female for a few days, getting used to it
again, didn't make up for missing his lover.
Tom flushed red with pleasure when Harry's voice came over
the comm system. "Kim to Voyager."
"Go ahead, Harry," the Captain said cheerfully.
"We're just about finished here, Captain. You can start
beaming up the minerals."
"Thank you, Ensign. Janeway to transporter room
five."
"Geron here, Captain."
"You may begin beaming up the minerals from Ensign Kim's
party."
Tom suppressed a grin. He'd buy them both dinner tonight, and
then--
"Geron to Captain Janeway!"
"Yes, Crewman?"
"There's been a transport problem--I think one of the
minerals has damaged the transporter."
To his chagrin, Tom groaned out loud, where everybody could hear
it.
In the end, it was seven days before the away teams came back.
Trace elements in one of the minerals ripped up the pattern
buffers and put all the transporters offline, not just the
freight transporters in room five. Tom spent his evenings
drinking alone and playing with his vibrator while B'Elanna
swore fluently round the clock in five different languages. He
managed, however, to be in the transporter room when Harry beamed
back, tired, grimy, and hungry.
"I stayed male the whole time, and I'm just dying to
change," Harry said.
"No problem. How'd you do down there?"
Harry shrugged. "We had enough water and rations, and we
weren't in any danger from hostile lifeforms. But we were so
damned bored. We played parlor games for hours. Charades, trivia
games, I love my love with an A." He shuddered. "I hope
I never have to play that again."
Tom squeezed his shoulder. "You take a shower, and I'll
buy dinner."
Harry came out of the shower looking fresh and female. He grabbed
the robe he had begun to leave in Tom's quarters and sniffed
hungrily at the scent of Szechwan food. "You're too
generous."
"Not at all." Tom had changed from female to male and
from uniform to civvies. They sat down at the table and Tom
served dumplings and wonton soup.
"You didn't have to change sex," Harry said. He
jumped as the dumpling he was cutting into squirted grease at
him.
"Yeah, I did," Tom said between slurps of soup.
"I've been female the whole time you've been gone.
Trying to get used to it again. I felt like I needed a change,
too."
Conversation was put on hold as food took priority in the mouth.
Soup and dumplings were followed by scallops and tree mushrooms
in garlic sauce, one of Harry's favorites, and kung pao
chicken. Both of them stuffed food until the plates were empty
and drank two tall pots of tea. Harry burped loudly and covered
his mouth afterward, grinning.
"You must have spent a bundle in rations on this
dinner," he observed. "How can I make it up to
you?" "Well... you could clear the table," Tom
said. He watched Harry take the stained plates and bowls to the
recycler and sponge off the table top. 'What an absolutely
perfect ass he's got.'
Harry came back, stood hands on hips. "Anything
else?"
Tom got up to his feet. "I guess I could think of
something...."
The kiss was hot with peppers and garlic as well as with desire.
Tom got his hands on that perfect ass, and Harry returned the
favor. They somehow transited to the couch without letting go of
one another, and Harry's robe was left on the floor, and his
hands were in Tom's waistband and then gliding down Tom's
legs.
"Yeow--" Tom sank back into a corner of the couch.
Harry's lips around his cock were still hot with oils from
the peppers; it wasn't painful, exactly, but it was
surprising. Tom clutched the cushions and observed that Harry
gave a wicked blowjob, even leaving the spices out of
consideration. 'He has a pretty perfect mouth, too. Hell,
he's perfect all over.'
Harry was determined that this time, he wasn't going to lie
back and let Tom do all the work; he was going to get his
hands--and his mouth--on his lover. Tom tasted delicious, even
through the Szechwan spices, and very shortly groaned as if he
were giving up his soul and flooded Harry's mouth with a new
and interesting taste.
Licking his lips, Harry slithered up to sit beside Tom, who
appeared to have passed out. Chuckling, he got up, got his arms
around Tom, and carefully heaved. Yes, he could still lift as
strongly as ever. Tom made small confused noises as Harry carried
him into the bedroom and laid him on the bed.
Tom opened his eyes to see Harry, propped on one elbow, smiling
down at him. Harry was quite naked, his breasts brushing
Tom's arm, but Tom still had his shirt on. "Wha'
happened?"
Harry chuckled. "You came in my mouth and passed out, and
then I carried you in here."
"Mmmm." Tom twined a hand into the long black hair that
fell over his chest and drew Harry down for a kiss.
"Amazing. A woman who gives a great blowjob and then carries
her prostrate lover from room to room."
"I didn't even touch your prostate--yet," Harry
quipped. Tom retaliated by tickling Harry into submission,
finding sensitive spots at the waist and under the arms.
"No massages for you," Harry threatened, still trying
to get his breath back. Tom simply pounced on his lover, nuzzling
neck and shoulder and breast through the wonderful curtain of
clean silky hair. Harry ooh'ed and ah'ed and sighed and
moaned happily until he noticed Tom was getting hard again, at
which point he rolled over and pushed the man back. "My
turn," he said huskily, draping himself over Tom's body
for a thorough kiss. By the time he let go, Tom was completely
erect, the moist head dabbing Harry's inner thigh.
Harry went back over all the spots he remembered from making love
to a female Tom, kissing chin and throat, neck and shoulders,
chest, nipples, navel, and all the while caressing Tom's
cock, up and down and around and over the testicles, not firmly
or quickly enough to bring him off, just enough to get him
progressively hotter, until Tom's hands found their way
between Harry's legs and Harry threw back his head,
groaning.
He let Tom flip him gently over, spreading his thighs invitingly.
Knowing fingers went round and round his clit, sparking one
climax and another and another. "Gods, I love the way you
move," Tom murmured, "the way you move like this under
my hands."
Harry arched up into the pleasure, cupping his own breasts with
lingering hands. "Fuck me with your fingers," he
whispered. Tom obliged, his eyes fixed on Harry's face,
Harry's pleasure, as he parted the wet folds and sank two
fingers in, so easily, letting Harry's motions accelerate the
tempo of his thrusts.
"You like being fucked, don't you, sweetheart?"
"Oh, yes, love, oh, yes, harder--"
"I can't wait to fuck you when we're both men, to
have you fuck me again, it doesn't matter which sex we are,
I'm so hungry for you, Harry--"
Harry's hoarse cries of pleasure cut off Tom's words. Tom
savored every one, pushing harder, three fingers in now and the
heel of his hand thumping Harry's clit with each stroke. He
kept going until a long glissando sigh told him Harry was
finished, for the moment. Very shortly Harry said, "I'd
like to try something."
"Anything, dear heart."
Harry chuckled. "You might want to wait until I tell you
what it is before agreeing." He petted Tom's chest.
"I'd like to have you eat me while I kneel over your
face."
Tom squeezed Harry eagerly. "I'd love to do that, Har,
not a problem." He rolled away and pushed the pillows aside,
positioning himself in the middle of the bed with one pillow
under his head.
Harry knelt over Tom's face, careful not to squash him. At
once Tom's tongue ran down the wet cleft and circled
Harry's clit. Oh, this was a great idea. Harry moved in
response, and Tom's hands came up to cover Harry's
breasts, kneading and teasing them. Oh, yes. When the orgasms
came like this, these endless waves, Harry considered staying
female forever. But only briefly; there were other pleasures to
give and receive that were not possible if he stayed female and
Tom stayed male. He, too, was really looking forward to making
love when they were both men. They'd have done it tonight if
he hadn't really needed the change.
"Oh, yes, Tom. Oh that's so good. Put your tongue in
me--ah--like that. Oh gods!"
Tom's fingers slipped into the wetness around Harry's
cunt, then between the perfectly rounded buttocks he'd been
admiring earlier, where they found the tiny hole.
'Turnabout's fair play,' Harry thought, between
climaxes, as Tom gently pressed his fingertip into Harry's
asshole, at the same time flicking his clit mercilessly. Harry
came so good he more or less fell off of Tom, who rolled after
him and dragged him close.
"Like this," Tom whispered, pulling Harry's leg
over his own. Harry groaned, limp as a rag doll, as Tom's
cock slid home.
---
"What brings you to Sickbay, Ensign?" The Doctor
actually looked pleased to see this new patient.
Harry frowned. "Well, I haven't been able to change from
female to male for the past week. I've tried everything, even
a Klingon gymnastics program. I feel fine, I just seem to
be--stuck."
The Doctor pondered the tricorder readings. "There's a
reason for that, Mr. Kim."
"Which is?"
The Doctor smiled. "You're pregnant!"
---
"I just don't know how I'm going to tell
Tom."
Sam Wildman poured more Ktarian wine for both of them. In her
bedroom, Naomi was watching a Winnie the Pooh video.
"What are you worried about?" Sam asked, putting her
feet up on the couch.
Harry mused. "I've never heard him say anything about
wanting to have kids. I get the impression he's afraid
he'd be like his father and screw the kid up."
Wildman was too ladylike to snort, but she conveyed the
impression of doing so. "That's the silliest thing
I've ever heard. Tom would be a great dad. He'd spoil his
offspring to death. Drink your wine, it's good for pregnant
ladies."
Harry grinned. "That's what I think." He sipped his
wine, looking more sober. "But also, we haven't been
lovers for very long. It'll change everything to become
parents as well."
"It does change things. But you've been friends for a
long while, it's not like you're really just starting a
relationship." Sam gave Harry a searching look. "Under
ideal conditions, what would you have wanted to happen? Given
that you can both change sex?"
He sipped. "I would have wanted to marry Tom and have a
child eventually."
Sam nodded. "So you're just getting to the child a lot
sooner than you'd hoped. And what's the least you'll
make do with, your worst-case scenario?"
"I have the baby and Tom helps me raise it, but we're
not lovers."
Sam took a drink of wine, sighed, and then patted Harry's
leg. "Harry, honey, I don't think you have anything to
lose. Tell Tom soon. As much as he loves you, he'll
love a child that's his and yours."
---
All during his duty shift, all Harry could think about was the
baby. He didn't feel any different yet, but the Doctor had
shown him the scan: a minute being, no more than a handful of
cells, really, cradled in his womb. Already he thought of it as
"the baby", their baby. He stopped himself from cupping
his abdomen with one hand and scanned his readouts quickly. Gods,
it was hard to keep his mind on his work. He could hardly wait to
see if it was a boy or a girl.
---
"You're what?!?"
Harry winced a little. Tom slumped onto a chair. "Sorry,
Har. I didn't mean it to come out quite that way. Okay,
you're pregnant. And I'm the father."
Harry nodded, once. Tom took a deep breath. "I guess asking
how it happened would be a stupid question."
Harry laughed, shakily. "I'm the one who feels stupid.
As a man I never, never forget about contraception, but as a
woman--I just didn't think of it. I just didn't." He
shook his head. "It's all so new. I couldn't even
have told you where I was in my cycle. How do we know when we
change sex from day to day?"
Tom nodded. He looked down at his clasped hands, ruffled his
hair, looked over at Harry, whose hands were folded protectively
over his abdomen. "When did it happen?"
"Apparently when we made love after I got back from that
mining mission."
Tom nodded, thought, 'I've got to stop bobbing my
head'. Harry didn't say anything more, and Tom got up and
wandered around Harry's living room. The silence lengthened
and grew uncomfortable.
Harry shifted, and Tom stopped, turned around. Harry spoke.
"Tom, are you willing to help me raise this child?"
"Yes. Of course. I'm the father. We share the
responsibility."
Harry spoke again. "Do you want to continue being
lovers?"
"Oh, Harry." Deep sadness came over Tom's face, his
mouth tightening harshly. "You don't think I'd dump
you over this, do you? You don't think I'd be your
child's father but not your lover?"
Harry said nothing for a moment. Then he sighed. "I
don't know, Tom. I needed to ask. Gods know I've wanted a
relationship with you for a long time, but I never imagined
anything like this. I mean, how could I? And I couldn't know
how you'd feel, how you'd react. So I had to
ask."
Tom knelt in front of Harry, elbows on the other's knees.
"Harry, do you really want this baby?"
"Yes. Absolutely."
"Why?" Tom looked almost baffled.
Harry looked down at his folded hands, protecting the incipient
life within. For the first time, he smiled, and his whole body
visibly relaxed. "Because it's yours, and I love you.
Because it's mine, part of me." He turned that smile on
Tom, and it was like the smile of a Renaissance Madonna.
"Because it's ours."
Tom put his hands over Harry's and pressed his lips to his
lover's cheek. "It's ours," he echoed.
"And I love you."
---
Harry took to pregnancy with an ease that surprised even himself.
He slept well and woke up sprightly. A week of intense morning
sickness early in the first trimester gave way to an intense and
healthy hunger that stayed with him, not cravings for unusual
foods but simply appetite for more of what he normally ate, and
the morning sickness did not recur. With advice from Sammie and
the Doctor, he modified his normal, highly athletic exercise
routines, going easier generally but working to increase muscular
strength in the lower back and the pelvic region. He agreed with
the Captain that he would not go out on away missions while
pregnant, but would work active duty for as long as possible.
Tom, meanwhile, watched over him like a hawk, ready to do
anything required: fetch a pillow, fetch a snack, replicate a new
size of uniform, rub Harry's feet.
"Aw, Sam, you didn't have to do this." Harry was
flushed and almost dizzy with delight.
Sam Wildman beamed. "Yes, I did. Wait till you're in
your last trimester, and thank me then. That's when
you'll really appreciate it."
The new bed in Harry's quarters was enormous: big enough to
hold a pregnant woman and a partner, or two adults and a small
child, with room to spare. Tom gave Sammie an enthusiastic hug.
"How did you afford this?"
"I didn't." She handed him a padd. "I went
around and collected replicator rations. Here's a list of
everybody who donated. Even the Doctor assigned some of
Sickbay's rations."
Tom and Harry read down the list. The Captain's signature was
at the top, followed by Chakotay, B'Elanna, Tuvok... pretty
much everybody. Harry couldn't help tearing up, and Sam
wrapped her arms around him. "I can't thank you
enough," he whispered.
"Just don't let hotshot here get away from you,"
she whispered back.
Nobody raised an eyebrow to see Lt. Paris going to Ensign
Kim's quarters every night and coming out of them every
morning. Wrapped in Tom's arms, Harry slept in a warm glow,
dreaming of a little girl who sometimes had his own raven hair,
sometimes Tom's strawberry blond, but always with intense
blue eyes and the most wonderful, radiant smile. Often he saw her
running through a dense forest of immensely tall trees, their
trunks bare of branches for many meters above the ground, running
and laughing with Naomi Wildman. He never doubted that he would
bear a daughter or that he would see this mysterious forest
someday.
The backaches started in the second trimester. After a day of
standing at Ops, Harry's feet were so swollen he couldn't
pull the boots off by himself, and his back ached with a slow
unremitting pain that didn't seem to yield to analgesics. The
Captain gave him permission to wear non-regulation footwear, and
the Doctor's recommendation of massage had a list of would-be
back-rubbers lining up behind Tom. Tom rubbed him down after
every shift, but others augmented Tom's efforts with more
time, more training, or simply fresher arms. Sammie knew exactly
where it ached, and B'Elanna turned out to be surprisingly
good. Batehart got him a bottle of fir-scented massage oil out of
his own rations, with an apology. Tuvok startled Harry by
offering to teach him some basic Vulcan pain-control techniques,
and shy Geron startled him even more by sending him, in a
message, an ancient Bajoran prayer-chant for expectant mothers.
Harry found great peace in reciting the prayer during massages
and whenever he felt stressed.
"Oh, that feels wonderful."
Harry groaned deliciously as Tom's strong, clever fingers
rubbed the warm, balsam-smelling oil into his lower back. Tom
tried to suppress thoughts of making Harry groan that way with
other kinds of touches. They hadn't made love for almost a
month, and Tom was so horny he was irritable. Self-release
didn't seem to help, no matter which sex he chose to be; he
wanted Harry, that was all, but he didn't want to impose his
needs on his lover, perhaps make the pregnancy more
difficult.
Tom ran his knuckles up Harry's back, on either side of his
spine, feeling the vibrations of another groan and the
dissolution of the knots in the muscles. "Oh, yes,"
Harry murmured, his voice low and throaty and that black hair
spread out over the pillow.... Tom tried to ignore the throbbing
in his groin, tried to run flight simulations in his head and
simultaneously divine what Harry needed next. It didn't work,
and he suddenly realized that Harry had rolled over under his
hands and was regarding him with an amused expression.
"I'm willing if you are," Harry purred.
Now it was Tom's turn to groan. "Harry, I... Gods, I
want you, want to make love to you, but I'm afraid of hurting
you."
Harry stroked Tom's arm. "I was beginning to think I
wasn't... attractive any more."
Tom kissed Harry, drawing back just before the kiss passed the
point of no return. "You're incredibly beautiful, Har.
You glow, you radiate joy, in spite of the inconveniences. I just
don't want to hurt you or the baby."
"The Doc is certain you wouldn't. Yes, I asked." He
kept stroking Tom's arm. "If you don't feel right
about fucking me, that's fine. You can fuck me with your
fingers, I can suck you off, whatever. Just please don't
think we have to give up sex right away. I'll let you know
when it feels wrong."
With a harsh groan, Tom buried his face between Harry's legs.
Harry cried out as Tom's mouth closed over his clit and the
first orgasm clamped down on him, almost painfully good. Tom
moaned into Harry's cunt, frighteningly close to orgasm
himself just from the taste, the smell, the intimacy. Harry's
scent had changed with pregnancy, and Tom found it more arousing
than ever, wilder, deeper. His long fingers slid into Harry,
probing and stroking, and Harry bucked against him, coming in
uncontrollable waves and gasping with every breath. His fingers
closed mercilessly in Tom's hair, and that sent Tom over the
edge, shuddering and pressing even closer to Harry as he exploded
without having been touched.
The only problem, if one could call it that, was that it was so
easy being a woman. Harry had not, unlike Tom, felt alienated by
the transformation to a female body. The experience of pregnancy
was so blissfully all-consuming that he was beginning to forget
he'd ever been a man, ever had a different set of genitalia,
ever anticipated fathering a child but not mothering one. With
all the help he was getting, some of it from the most unexpected
sources, it was hard to contemplate going back.
"I don't know, Sammie." Harry scooped a big
spoonful of his chocolate raspberry sundae and slurped it down.
"I know this sounds weird, but when I first turned into a
woman, I still thought of myself as masculine, Harry, he and him.
After almost five months of pregnancy, that's beginning to
wear off. I really am female now; I mean, I'm Harry,
but Harry's a she. Does that make sense?"
"Not really, but that's okay. Finished with your sundae,
sweetie?" Naomi nodded and held up her empty bowl. "Put
it in the recycler, then, don't let it sit around."
Naomi skittered away and came back to squeeze between her mother
and Harry on the couch. "What are you worried about, Harry?
You said the Doctor is sure you'll still be able to be male
once the pregnancy's over."
Harry put his feet up on the coffee table, groaning.
"I'm just afraid I'll forget how. And, to tell you
the truth, I'm afraid when I do come over male again,
Tom's not going to be interested in me."
"Tommy loves you," Naomi interjected softly. Both the
adults looked at her, a little startled. Sam stroked her
daughter's thin hair and nodded at Harry.
"She's right, you know. You love him, regardless, and he
feels the same way about you."
"Well, I wish he would say so." Harry groaned
again, rubbing his back with his fists. Sammie got up.
"I have just the thing for you...."
---
When it got too bad on Tom, he went to the Captain. Most of the
time, he went to see her as a man; he felt most comfortable
around her that way. Sometimes they played pool, a meditative
game in which neither tried too hard to beat the other; sometimes
he lounged in Leonardo's studio while she worked with the
clay. Today he found himself staring, fascinated, at an
unfinished variation on the Mona Lisa, seeing Harry's smile
on her face.
"I'm just scared, Captain." He swallowed. "I
know how you feel about my father, but you know how I feel
about him. I'd hate to do to a kid what he's done to
me."
Janeway leaned into her mound of clay. She wasn't really
working on a project, just thinking with the clay and listening
to Tom. Owen Paris was a fine admiral, but too many career
Starfleet officers wound up treating their families the way they
treated their crews, and a crew and a family aren't the same
thing.
"Are you a clone of your father, Tom?" she asked
presently.
"Hell, no."
"But you feel like that was his desire? For you to turn out
just like him?"
"Yes." His mouth quirked. "I've been a real
disappointment."
"Which would be worse--to be the kind of man you are, or to
be exactly like your father?"
Tom frowned. "Being like dear old dad."
"Well," Janeway slapped the clay energetically,
"then what makes you think you'd try to make a child
turn out just like you? And what makes you think you'd
succeed if you tried?"
She grinned at him. He looked sheepish. "I guess you have a
point there, Captain."
Tom got up and wandered around Leonardo's studio. Janeway
continued pounding the clay with vigor, wondering whether her
skills would be up to sculpting Harry and the baby, or perhaps
just the baby. Her fingers began shaping a pregnant female
figure, as if of their own accord.
Tom came back to the Mona Lisa variation. He had seen that smile
on Harry's face so often lately. So feminine.... He
wasn't about to say so, not even to Janeway, but he missed
the masculine Harry. They hadn't yet had the opportunity to
make love as man and man. 'Yeah, except for those four years
you wasted....' But he was going to be a father, and Harry
was going to be the mother, and later on they could enjoy making
love in all the possible combinations. If he just had the
courage.
He looked at the Captain, red with clay to the elbows and rapt in
the work. "Captain?"
"Hmm?"
"Do you ever regret not getting married? Having a
family?"
Janeway's face softened, became distant. She thought of Mark,
their relationship, the way they had lived, and of Chakotay, of
her wistful hopes for a relationship that never seemed to
materialize. Then she thought of the 150 people who were
depending on her, and shook her head. "No, I don't. Mark
and I had a good relationship, but we weren't meant to be
parents, and we knew it. But I do have a family, Tom: the people
of Voyager. You all are my friends, my family, even my children,
in a way." One corner of her mouth lifted. "Mark always
told me I was born a big sister, and never got over it--used to
bossing people around, but having Mom's authority to fall
back on. I guess that's why I'm the kind of captain I
am."
"You're a great captain." Tom permitted
himself to put a hand on her arm. "I wouldn't be
stranded 70,000 lightyears from home with anyone else."
Janeway leaned into the tentative touch, smiled her big-sister
smile. "So what about you, Tom? Had you ever really thought
about settling down, before this?"
"Nope. That's why it's such a shock--being a father,
being in love. I'm so much in love with him it scares
me." 'It always has scared you, Tommy.'
"I've always thought of myself as, well, a flyboy, the
kind of guy who flits around, sticks to women who don't mind
being the flower to the roving bee." She could hear the
self-disgust shading his voice. Then he spoke more quietly.
"But I don't want that any more, haven't, for a
while. To tell you the truth, I'd love to ask Harry to marry
me. I'd get down on bended knee tomorrow and offer him a
ring, but--" He winced. "I'm the idiot who got him
pregnant--"
"You're the idiot he loves more than life itself,"
Janeway interrupted. "But I'd wait until after the baby
is born. Let him see you stand by him through the pregnancy, the
delivery, and with the child. If I know Harry, he wants
permanence as much as you do."
---
"Computer, locate Ensign Harry Kim."
"Ensign Harry Kim is in Ensign Samantha Wildman's
quarters."
"Figures," Tom muttered, and strode down the hall to
the turbolift.
The sight that greeted his eyes when he entered Sammie's
quarters was enough to drive all his doubts away. Harry was
reclining on the couch, leaning back against a humming black
cushion with his feet on Sam's lap. Sam was rubbing
Harry's feet, and Naomi was standing behind Harry, combing
out his hair. The Wildmans smiled at Tom, and Harry opened his
eyes, held out a hand, and beamed on Tom with such a Mona Lisa
smile that Tom wanted to cry. He crossed the room to Harry, took
his hand, and kissed it; he wasn't usually very demonstrative
in public, but he felt comfortable being affectionate in front of
the Wildmans.
Naomi squeezed his other hand urgently. "You can hear the
baby, Tommy! If you put your head on Aunt Harry's stomach,
you can hear the baby!"
She knelt down beside Harry and laid her head gently on
Harry's stomach. Seeing her rapt expression, Tom knelt beside
her and did the same. Oh, gods, yes. He could hear, or feel, the
tiny movements of the new life in his lover's womb, and there
was no holding back the tears now, or the flood of hormones which
changed him spontaneously from male to female. He looked up when
Harry squeezed his hand.
"It's a girl," Harry said.
---
The third trimester was more difficult. Early in his seventh
month, Harry went off active duty. He was too easily fatigued to
work a full shift on the brige, though he still did as much
deskwork as ever. When he had to sit up, he sat against the black
cushion Sam had given him, which vibrated at different speeds and
even kneaded his muscles gently. He went through the childbirth
training and continued to exercise by walking and doing yoga, but
he and Tom spent much of their off-duty time lying in bed,
snuggling and talking. It was no longer Tom who held Harry, but
Harry who held Tom; Tom was dwarfed by the solemn mound of
Harry's belly as they lay in bed, Tom's arm beneath his
lover's head, his hand often protectively on the curved
flesh.
Harry was drifting when the first contraction hit. He woke out of
a doze as it clamped on him, sharply, tightly, and hot water
gushed between his thighs, cooling immediately. He reached for
Tom, and a profound panic took over when his hand touched empty
air. Harry screamed, not in pain so much as in fear, and Tom shot
out of the bathroom, his women's underpants around his
ankles. His eyes were wide with fear already.
"It's started," Harry whispered.
---
"There's nothing to worry about," the Doctor said
in his most soothing tones. "You are undergoing a textbook
labor, Harry, and you have your partner and a friend to help
you."
Tom and Samantha had both undergone childbirth training with
Harry. As he sat in the birthing chair now, knees bent, legs
spread, breathing with rhythmical focus, Sam stood behind him,
massaging his shoulders, and Tom was on his left, male now,
letting Harry grip his hand. The Doctor stood to the right,
watching the monitor behind the birthing mother and smiling at
how well everything was going.
To Harry, it didn't feel like everything was going well. He
had never felt so completely out of control in his life. The
sensation of his body overriding anything his conscious mind
could do was more intense than orgasm, more intense than
vomiting, and reminiscent of both. Whether he breathed properly
or not, whether he sat in a sophisticated birthing chair that
could massage his back while it monitored his vitals or on a
splintery wooden stool, his body was going to bring forth this
baby. It was no longer a part of him: Their little girl wanted
out!
"It's okay, Harry," Sam said. "Just ride with
it. We're here. We won't leave you."
"And think of who's outside that door." Tom glanced
at the door to the birthing chamber. "Half the crew has
abandoned their bed, their dinner, or their post to wait on your
labor. We love you, Har."
Harry breathed and tried not to curse Tom for impregnating
him.
---
"It's been five hours," B'Elanna said
doubtfully. "That would be a long time for a Klingon
woman's labor."
"It's not unusual," Janeway replied as absently as
possible. She wasn't going to mention the horror stories
every woman seemed to hear, even now--labors that went on for
days, complications that couldn't be remediated, stillbirths
no scans had caught. She hoped no one had mentioned them to
Harry; her sister had been terrified, during her pregnancy, after
a session with dear old Aunt Bettina.
They were all sitting in the waiting area of Sickbay, waiting for
news of Harry: the Captain, B'Elanna, Tuvok, and a good many
off-cuty crew who would otherwise be eating or recreating. Neelix
had remained in the mess hall, saying people needed to eat and he
needed to cook or else go crazy with worry, and Chakotay had
offered to take the bridge so Janeway could be there, but it
seemed like everyone else was there: Batehart and Henley, Ayala
and Chell, Starfleet and Maquis alike. Waiting for Harry.
"I have attended my wife during three births," Tuvok
remarked, "and while Vulcans have greater conscious control
of the birthing process than humans, it is still a difficult
undertaking. It is also an awe-inspiring experience."
Janeway gave her old friend a teasing glance. "I thought awe
was an emotion?"
Tuvok gave her that distant look that indicated he knew he was
being teased. "Awe is the response of the rational mind to
the fact that the universe exceeds its comprehension."
From across the room, Geron spoke up. "Harry thanked me just
yesterday for the Bajoran prayer I sent him. Maybe we could all
sing a song to help him?"
The Captain smiled at her youngest crewman, and Geron stood up
and began singing in a surprisingly firm baritone. The other
Bajoran crewmembers at once joined in the traditional birthing
song, and the rest of the crew was soon able to join in the
refrain.
"Hear that, Ensign?" The Doctor cocked his head at the
slow, widely-spaced harmonies audible through the closed door.
"The crew are singing an ancient Bajoran birthing song
asking the prophets and the ancestors to assist the laboring
mother." "Must have been Geron's idea," Sam
remarked. Harry was beyond speech, breathing hard, and Tom was
completely focused on his lover.
"No doubt," the Doctor replied. "Ah! You have
entered the last stage of labor, Harry. You are doing
excellently. Keep up the good work."
'I don't have much choice,' Harry thought, as his
body went on inexorably with its process.
Out in the waiting area, the chant went on, slow and peaceful,
reminding Janeway of the music of the Russian church which Mark
liked so much. It was easy to lose track of time in its slowly
shifting harmonies; did another hour go by for the laboring
mother, or two, or three, while they sang so sweetly, so calmly?
Janeway had begun to feel charmed, or drugged, when suddenly they
heard something that rent the spell of the birthing song as a
knife rends silk--a loud sustained cry, powerfully fierce, yet
not with pain, she thought--with triumph.
A few minutes of heart-pounding silence followed. Then the Doctor
emerged, fairly beaming, from the birthing room.
"I am happy to announce that Ensign Harry Kim has
successfully delivered a baby girl. Captain, Lt. Torres, Harry
has asked to see you."
Followed by cheers and applause, Janeway and B'Elanna went
into the birthing room. With Sam hugging his shoulders and Tom
sitting on the floor in front of him, both of them crying, Harry
looked up at his visitors with a triumph that matched the cry
they had heard. He was flushed, sweaty, and still naked from the
waist down, and the child was cradled against his breasts.
Janeway and B'Elanna came closer, both of them feeling rather
shy. Harry's triumphant solemnity softened a little, to a
proud grin. "Come and see her," he said, sounding tired
but satisfied. The two women came up beside him and looked
curiously at the baby.
She was not a large infant, but delicate-looking, and still
flushed from the stress of birth. Her head was covered with a
fine down as black as Harry's hair, and she unmistakably had
his eyes, though her nose and mouth were more like Tom's, as
far as Janeway could judge. Then, unbelievably, she opened her
eyes for just a moment, and they were as laser-blue as her
father's. Janeway stifled a gasp, and B'Elanna
grinned.
"What are you calling her?" B'Elanna asked
practically.
Tom looked up from the floor, his head on Harry's knee.
"Miranda Eugenia Paris Kim." He smiled up at Harry,
tears still streaming. "'Miranda' means
'wonderful'."
---
Harry was beamed back to his quarters a few hours later and
installed in the big bed. Both he and Tom were now officially on
childcare leave for three months, though the Captain had said
privately to Chakotay that she hoped to have them back sooner,
and hoped not to have to call Tom to duty as her best
pilot. Well-wishers streamed by for the rest of the day, and
while Sammie waited on Harry, Tom had B'Elanna's
assistance in keeping people from barging in on mother and
child.
B'Elanna came into Harry's living room brandishing her
batleth. "This oughta keep 'em away," she said with
relish.
"You sound like you're enjoying this," said Tom
from his prone position on the couch.
She grinned ferally. "You bet I am."
Tom tried to groan, but a yawn spoiled it. "Gods, I'm
tired. I'm exhausted, and he did the hardest work." He
swallowed. "There were some scary moments in there,
B'Elanna. Even though the Doc said he was doing just fine, it
was still pretty scary."
She sat down by his feet. "I know, Tom. I know. We were
worried, too."
He looked at her for a long moment, and an affectionate smile
lightened his face. "I'm really glad you're here,
helping me out," he said quietly. "It means a lot to
me."
"It's not for your benefit, flyboy, it's for
Harry," B'Elanna replied, but it was plain that she was
only teasing. She put a hand on Tom's knee. "I'm
glad things worked out for the two of you. If anybody can reform
a flying pig like you, it's Harry."
Tom laid his hand over hers. "You're a good friend,
B'Elanna."
The door chimed, and B'Elanna sprang to her feet before Tom
could move a muscle, picking up her batleth in the process.
---
No one could remember, afterward, who first contracted the
baby's name to "Mirajean," but it stuck, and
everyone used it. Even the Doctor began his regular examinations
of the child by asking, "And how is our little Mirajean
today?"
Mirajean was a good baby. She nursed often, slept soundly,
and exhibited good cheer and curiosity from the first. She had a
few little food allergies which the Doctor easily cleared up, but
other than that she was, as the Captain pronounced, "as good
as gold. No, better than gold. As good as latinum."
"Yes, she is," Tom affirmed. He wrapped his arms around
the baby, who lay against his chest in a comfy padded sling, and
smiled at her with so much fondness that the Captain felt
embarrassed. "My little girl is a good girl, and
she's going to be smart and pretty and a pilot and a musician
and--"
"Hungry, in a few minutes," Harry said. He held out his
arms. "Let me have her, Tom."
"Not yet. Not till she starts looking for the nipple."
He brushed his lips across the baby's downy hair. "And
she smells so good, too."
Harry exchanged a glance with the Captain. The same Tom Paris who
had agonized a few months ago over becoming a father was now a
doting daddy who hated to let his child out of his grasp. He was
now dancing around da Vinci's studio, holding one of
Mirajean's tiny hands, and singing some foolish song about
three little fishies who swam over the dam.
Presently a wail from the dizzied baby convinced Tom to hand her
over to Mommy. Harry unselfconsciously opened his blouse and
cradled Mirajean to his breast. Noisy sucking sounds could soon
be heard. Tom dropped onto the couch beside Harry, and Janeway
smiled at them as she resumed working on her figure of mother and
child. She didn't have the skill to reproduce Harry's
features, but she did think she could capture the aura of love
and wonder that hung around him when he held his daughter. What
pleased her even more than Harry's evident joy was Tom's
adoration for both of them. The tenderness in his face only
deepened when he looked at Mirajean in her mother's arms.
Harry smiled blissfully, lost in the serenity of nursing, and Tom
put his head on Harry's shoulder and his hand into
Harry's hand, looking down at the tiny face and the slope of
breast that half hid it. 'I hope they get married soon,'
Janeway thought.
---
"Keep your eyes closed, Har. Now walk forward."
Tom's hands on his shoulders guided Harry forward about ten
paces. He heard Mirajean burble excitedly. Tom let go and walked
away.
"Okay, now open them."
Harry opened his eyes, and his mouth fell open, too.
He was standing in a living room about twice the size of his own,
but all his own things were in it. There was the music corner,
with the music stand set up, the music cabinet filled with
sheaves of scores, his clarinet and flute cases on their shelf.
The standard-issue couch had his favorite throw draped over one
corner, his squashy cushions in the other. His prints hung on the
walls, with the antique one Great-Aunt Lingling had given him in
a place of honor. And there was something new in one corner: a
large wooden rocking chair with a dark brown fur rug at its feet,
a table handy, and an old-fashioned lamp with a fringed shade
standing guard over all.
"Where are we?" he asked, squeaking a little.
"These are your new quarters," the Captain said from
behind him. She came in, smiling, followed by Chakotay,
B'Elanna, and the Wildmans. "As a parent, you're
entitled to more space for yourself and your child."
'And your partner,' her eyes said to Tom.
"It's taken us a while to get everything set up,"
Tom explained. "That's why we had you sit for the
Captain so long today, and then sent a string of other people to
distract you while we transported stuff in and arranged it."
His eyes were twinkling with glee at Harry's astonished
expression.
Naomi squeezed her way forward between the adults.
"We've all brought presents!" she announced, and
held out a large package she had evidently gift-wrapped
herself.
Harry took it, wonderingly, and began to try to peel away the
festive paper. "No, Aunt Harry," Naomi said
imperiously, "you have to tear it!" Everybody
laughed, and Harry obeyed, ripping with fervor through giftwrap
and protective tissue until he unveiled a plush rabbit with long,
sensitive ears and thick soft fur almost the color of Tom's
hair.
"Thank you, Naomi," he said, voice quavering a little.
Tom took the wrapping paper and dumped it in the recycler, then
gave Naomi a hug.
"Let's show Aunt Harry the rest of the new quarters, and
then give him the presents," he suggested.
The big bed Sammie had given them was the centerpiece of a
spacious bedroom. Harry did not quite notice that his clothing
did not by any means fill the closets and chests of drawers.
There was also a bedroom for Mirajean, with a crib, a cot for one
adult, a changing table, a little bath, and everything else a
baby might need. The new quarters even had two bathrooms, one of
them just a commode and sink.
Harry sat on the couch, overcome by astonishment, holding and
then nursing Mirajean while an endless procession came, like the
Magi, to bring gifts and admire the child. Sammie had contributed
the splendid rocker; the Captain gave a soft woolly blanket to go
with the chair. Chakotay brought a sand painting of Changing
Woman, one of the great goddesses of his people and a protectress
of mothers and children. B'Elanna gave a collection of
toys--blocks, cloth dollies, and a gay mobile to hang over the
crib. Tuvok offered a recording of soothing Vulcan music
traditionally played for nursing mothers. A good many people
simply gave replicator rations with an attached note that was
some variation of, "Use these for diapers!"
When everyone finally left, Harry was close to tears with
gratitude and tiredness combined. Mira was asleep, already fed,
his quarters were filled with useful, wonderful gifts, and he was
hungry and a little shaky. Tom took the baby and settled her
against himself in her sling, then replicated grilled cheese
sandwiches for both of them, with tomato soup for himself and
chicken noodle for Harry, and a pot of tea. He came close to
having to feed Harry, but habit took over and Harry devoured his
dinner without saying a word.
When bowls and plates, pot and cups were empty, Tom put
everything in the recycler and then drew Harry gently to his
feet. Harry was crying silently as Tom steered him into the
bedroom, took off his clothes, and tucked him into bed. Tom laid
Mirajean in Harry's arms, took off his own clothes, and with
a moment's concentration, shifted into female form. He got
into bed with mother and baby, pretty tired himself, and ordered
out the lights.
Harry hiccupped, sniffled, reached for Tom. "I love
you," he whispered.
"I love you, too, Har. I love you both."
The baby cuddled between them, they fell asleep.
---
Three months' childbirth leave was standard for couples
living on Starfleet ships. Tom and Harry played with Mirajean,
recorded her every advance in their personal logs, and spent long
hours walking in various holodeck programs, getting Harry
accustomed to exercise again and talking more deeply than ever
before. Having a child together got them talking about their
childhoods, about religion, about whether they'd ever get
home from the Delta Quadrant, and about a lot of other things
they'd more or less tried to avoid heretofore.
One thing they didn't talk about was marriage. Harry was
afraid to bring it up, afraid Tom would laugh him off, in spite
of everything. He wasn't sure how long he'd remain
female, but it wouldn't be forever; sooner or later, he'd
be a man again, and he still wasn't sure if Tom was
romantically interested in the original, male Harry Kim, baby or
no baby. He didn't want to spoil the idyll by bringing up a
topic Tom didn't want to hear. Tom, on the other hand, was
waiting until Harry was male again; he wanted very much to
propose when they were both men, to make it clear to Harry that
the connection between them hadn't started with the accident
on Harrogeth. So neither of them said anything, despite the
helpful nagging from their friends, and both of them worried,
silently, if the other wanted the same thing that he did.
---
"Your hormone levels are evening out, Harry, and your uterus
has contracted to its original size." The Doctor snapped
shut his tricorder. "You might start trying to shift gender
voluntarily, or you may wait until it happens spontaneously.
It's possible that you'll still be able to lactate even
in male gender."
Harry looked startled. "That would be weird--but no weirder
than the rest of this experience, I guess." He smiled.
"If I can get used to being a mother, I can get used to
nursing while I'm a man."
"It is likely that humans will eventually evolve to the
point where males can nurse, or to where the Harrogeti are now,
able to change gender at will. A fascinating prospect." The
Doctor returned Harry's smile. "And how is our little
Mirajean today?"
---
After the usual evening feeding, Harry turned Mira over to Tom
and went to take a shower. Childbirth leave was almost over, and
so far he'd been unable to change sex voluntarily. Had he
forgotten how to be male? Had his body stopped producing
androgens? Scrubbing himself under the spray, Harry looked at his
breasts, full and somewhat tender from nursing, and imagined them
shrinking, flattening out against the muscles. He ran a hand
between his legs--the tenderness there was long healed--and tried
to remember the shape and weight of a penis and testicles instead
of the contours of a vulva. He hadn't had any sex in--how
long? since well before Miranda's birth--and his body was
aching for it, his mind and heart specifically aching to be male
and to come to his lover man to man. Tilting his head back under
the spray, rinsing the soap from his hair, which was nearly to
his elbows now, he imagined sucking Tom's cock while Tom
sucked his, as they'd done as women....
Harry felt a curious prickling sensation he hadn't felt in
ages. Straightening up, he looked down and--
Harry's shriek brought Tom racing into the bathroom, the baby
clutched in his arms. "Harry! What's wrong?!"
Harry threw open the shower door with such vehemence that it
bounced back and nearly hit him. "I'm a man again!"
he crowed, then looked at the baby and burst into tears.
---
'Just my goddam luck, again.' Tom ground his
teeth. 'Harry finally changes back to male, and what happens?
They need me and only me at the conn for who knows how
long.'
The Captain had been extremely apologetic, but the need was
inescapable. Voyager's most direct course home lay through
the broadest, densest asteroid field anyone had ever seen, bigger
than any listed in the Federation database. Voyager needed the
only pilot who could steer her manually around the chunks of
rock, without relying on the computer's useful but ultimately
limited pre-programmed routines.
Tom was on duty until they got through the field, eating on the
run and sleeping only as long as necessary, because when he was
off-duty, Voyager went nowhere, hanging still in space relative
to one of the larger asteroids.
Not knowing whether to swear or cry, he'd reluctantly told
Harry he wanted to sleep in his own quarters for the time being,
so as not to disturb mother and child's more settled routine.
The first couple of sleep cycles had been rough; he hadn't
slept alone in so long that he felt cold and abandoned in his own
small bed. He missed Harry and the baby terribly, missed their
warmth and scent; he saw them only briefly, at meals, not long
enough to give a back rub or bathe Miranda or make love. And all
he thought about, all he dreamt about was making love, even
though his hands and mind steered Voyager with incomparable
precision while he was awake and male; even though he slept as
female, he dreamed of sex with Harry, man with man.
While Tom flew, dreamt, and pined, Harry was pining, too. After
being able to rely on Tom's caring for Mirajean, it was a bit
of a shock to have the baby all to himself, to be the parent who
did everything. They'd started to accustom her to taking
Mommy's milk in a bottle from Daddy's hand; now Daddy
didn't have the time, and it was Harry or Sam or even
B'Elanna who held the bottle. Harry had discovered that while
he could change sex voluntarily, certain signals from Mirajean
would make him shift spontaneously, and when he did, his
femaleness "remembered" to lactate. He shifted back and
forth several times a day, getting used to being a man again,
becoming a woman to feed his daughter. B'Elanna and Sammie
helped a good deal, but they were on duty, too, and while Naomi
had the will, she simply couldn't do all that an adult
did.
On top of feeling for the first time like childcare was a chore,
Harry was constantly horny. He missed Tom in bed, missed sleeping
with the baby between them, and missed sex. Just when he'd
been ready to have male/male sex with Tom for the first time,
they'd run into this damned asteroid field. Now they were
separated until further notice. Harry thought about sex pretty
much all the time, and after a week of suffering, he came to a
decision: As soon as Voyager was through the asteroid field and
Tom had had time to recover, Harry was going to romance him right
into bed and fuck him senseless, man to man.
---
Tom came staggering into Harry's quarters after eleven days
on duty. It was 2200 hours, and Harry was in the rocking chair,
humming softly as he gave Mira her last feeding before going to
bed. Tom came over and dropped like a stone in front of Harry,
his head flopping onto Harry's lap. His face was drawn and
white with tiredness, his eyes bleary, his shoulders slumped, but
a faint smile crept over his mouth: He was home with his
family.
Harry reached down and stroked the tousled curls with his free
hand. Tom sighed, and Mirajean hiccuped. It didn't seem
necessary to say anything.
"Gods, I'm tired," Tom mumbled. He rolled his head
back and forth on Harry's lap, trying vainly to clear his
vision.
"I'll be finished with the baby in a minute," Harry
said. "You just stay right where you are, and then we'll
all go to bed together."
Tom nodded, once. He was snoring softly by the time Mirajean let
go of the nipple, but when Harry shook him gently, he managed to
get to his feet and stumble into the bedroom. Swaying with
weariness, he waited while Harry laid Mirajean carefully in the
middle of the bed. Harry then stripped off the rest of his own
clothes, undressed Tom, and steered him into bed beside the baby.
Tom didn't even feel Harry pull up the covers and kiss his
forehead, then get into bed as well, but he slept deeply, soothed
in the recesses of his brain by the familiar, beloved scent of
mother and child.
Tom slept for almost twenty-four hours, dead to the universe. If
the Borg had come and assimilated the entire ship while he slept,
including himself, he wouldn't have noticed. Or cared--after
eleven days at the conn, eating in half-hours and sleeping no
more than six hours at the longest, being a Borg might have
seemed a nice change.
When he woke, Harry and the baby were gone. Tom looked for
Miranda in her crib but found only a note from Harry saying not
to worry, she was with the Wildmans. Too groggy to think any
further, he headed for the bathroom, where he emptied his
bladder, scrubbed himself thoroughly under a real water shower,
lathered and rinsed his hair three times, depilated his beard
thoroughly, and finally dried slowly under the heat lamp, letting
its rays draw the tension out of chronically tight muscles.
'Maybe Harry can rub my back, later.' Then he
dressed in a favorite blue shirt and loose light brown pants,
enormously relieved to be out of uniform and off-duty for a few
more days.
When he came back to the living room, the lights were dimmed, and
Harry was lighting candles at the table, which was set for dinner
for two.
"Hellooo, Sleeping Beauty!"
Harry was male now, dressed in snug black pants and a deep red
velvet shirt, open to the waist. He smelled of sandalwood and his
own unique self, and Tom was acutely aware of that scent, of the
bulge of groin against groin, the closeness of their embrace
without pregnant belly or swollen breasts between them, the heat
and hardness of Harry. Harry's lips were exquisitely soft
against his own.
Harry was sorely tempted to thrust his tongue down Tom's
throat and then proceed to tear his clothes off and prepare for
another kind of thrusting. Tom felt so right in his arms, muscle
against muscle, slim and hot as a living flame. But that
wasn't the plan he'd conceived. 'Seduction,' he
reminded himself. 'He needs seduction.'
He let go with a light brushing of lips against lips and smiled
sweetly. "Let me treat you to dinner. I know you've been
eating out of the mess hall."
Tom sat down at the table, which was laid with two dishes glazed
in an exquisite dragon pattern, simple but elegant silverware,
two wineglasses, and soft pale green napkins. 'I don't
think these are replicated stuff.' Tom tapped his plate with
a fingernail. 'This is real china. I didn't know
he owned anything like this.' Harry gave his orders to the
replicator by punching up a menu; he didn't want to spoil his
surprise by speaking aloud. Presently he returned to the table
with a bottle of wine under one arm and a tureen of steaming beef
stew in his hands.
Tom picked up the wine bottle. "Chateau Picard," he
observed. "You've got good taste, sweetheart. Any
year's a good year for them."
Harry uncovered the tureen with a flourish, letting out a
delicious meaty fragrance. "This is beef stew from
Sandrine's recipe, the one you gave the computer." He
smiled smugly at Tom's delighted grin and served the stew
while Tom took charge of the wine.
"So Mira's with the Wildmans?" Tom asked, once
he'd shoveled in half his plate of stew in three
mouthfuls.
"Yeah, for the whole night. I felt like we needed it. Oh,
she'll be fine," Harry said, to Tom's look of
surprise. "I've been getting her used to being with
other people besides us, and who better than Sam and
Naomi?"
Tom nodded. "Tell me everything," he pleaded,
"everything she's done that I've missed."
Harry launched into a detailed chronicle of what he and Mirajean
had done for the last eleven days. Tom slurped up wine and stew
at a rapid rate, relishing every mouthful, and said little
beyond, "Really?" and "Oh, how cute. I'm sorry
I missed that."
"She misses you," Harry said, smiling. "I'm
her mom, but you're her dad, and I know she's looked for
you. A couple times she's cried when you visited with us and
then left to go back to the bridge. I nearly did the same
thing."
Tom's eyes filled, and he dabbed them with the napkin.
"I've missed you, too, Har, both of you. I hated being
separated from you like this. At least we have another couple of
weeks before our leave is over."
Harry got up and began clearing the table, taking time to wash
and dry the plates and the silverware and put them away. Tom
stayed at the table, sipping slowly at the rich red wine. When he
was done, Harry came back and put a hand on Tom's shoulder,
kneading gently. Tom's muscles were noticeably stiff beneath
his fingers.
"Say, Har, would you mind rubbing my back?"
"I'd love to." He dropped a kiss on the top of
Tom's head, partly to hide his wicked grin. "Why
don't you get undressed and I'll set up the massage
table? We still have it."
Tom stripped, feeling oddly self-conscious. 'It's been
too long. But I'd really like to wait....' He got a towel
from the bathroom to spread out on the tabletop and then
stretched out face-down, sighing as his muscles accustomed
themselves to the hard, flat surface. Harry lit more candles
around the room, dimmed the lights even further, and asked the
computer for music by Ralph Vaughan Williams. The sound of
"Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis" and the scent of
juniper and balsam filled the room as Harry drizzled massage oil
onto Tom's back.
Harry began by gently pressing Tom's shoulders with skilled
fingers, coaxing them to drop down, while his thumbs stroked down
the neck on either side of the spine and back up again. The
muscles were almost wooden under his hands, and he wanted them
softly supple again for what he had in mind. Harry worked his way
down Tom's back in slow spirals, smoothing the oil into the
fair, lightly freckled skin, and traveled back up with a firmer
touch, knuckling into the knots on either side of the backbone.
He lifted one arm, then the other, stretching it out and rotating
the shoulderblade over the spine, then stroked outward from the
ribs toward the hip and the shoulder, suggesting a new alignment
for the torso.
Tom felt more warm oil being poured on his heated skin and
silently thanked Batehart for giving Harry their first bottle of
this blend. Tiny circles with the thumbs eased out the
almost-painful tension in his lower back; firm strokes along his
sides convinced the space between the ribs to expand. More
kneading of his neck and shoulders, up under the hair to the base
of the skull and then down to the shoulderblades. 'He is so
good at this....' Tom groaned as Harry rubbed in excess oil
with flat palms and spread fingers, moving steadily down his back
until those strong hands were cupping his buttocks. 'Well,
they're pretty tight, too....'
It took Tom a few minutes to notice that the touches he was
receiving weren't simply massage any more. He might have
noticed the difference when Harry's hands moved to his thighs
and then to the insides of his thighs, but it felt so good and
Tom was so relaxed that he didn't stir. It was harder to
ignore when seeking fingers moved from the insides of his thighs
to the curve of his balls, dragging lightly over the downy hairs
as they tried to move underneath him and--
"Har, no."
Tom rolled off the table and onto his feet, backing away from
Harry. Harry's fists clenched, and his face worked with
emotion: anger, frustration, hurt. He looked at Tom, naked and
beautifully erect, yet keeping away from him as if out of
revulsion, and could barely find words to express his feelings
and ask what he had to know.
"Tom, why? Why not? Your body says that you want it--
want me--why don't you want to make love now that
we're both men?" Harry slammed his fist onto the table
in frustration, then turned away and sank down on the couch,
sobbing his heart out. His worst fears were true; Tom didn't
love him, it was just friendship, just the hormones, just the
connection forged by the child, it wasn't enough, it would
never be enough.... Harry sobbed on and on, drowning in hurt and
anger, unable to stop the bitter phrases in his mind from ringing
a funeral knell to his hopes.
His own heart wrenched by Harry's crying, Tom knelt before
Harry, putting a towel into the other man's still-slippery
hands. "Harry, I'm so sorry that I've made
you cry." Tom's voice quivered dangerously. "Please
forgive me. I love you. You're my best friend, my
lover, the mother of my child. I need you in my life, and I want
to make love to you right now desperately, I really do." He
stroked the glossy black hair; Harry was still sobbing, shaking
his head and whispering no, no. Tom spoke a little louder.
"It's just that I want even more to wait for us to make
love as men--until our wedding night."
It took a moment for those words to sink in. When they did, Harry
raised his face from the towel, wiped his nose, and sniffed.
"Wedding night? Did you say wedding night?"
Tom nodded, beginning to smile hopefully. "I wanted to
propose tonight, Har, but you jumped the gun on me. No--I
wanted to propose almost two weeks ago, right before we hit
that damnable asteroid field. Harry, I want to marry you. I want
you to marry me. I want us to raise Mirajean and maybe even have
another child and live happily ever after." He kissed the
trembling hands that had recently been massaging his back so
efficiently. "And I wanted to wait to ask you until we were
both men again, because I want to prove to you that I didn't
fall in love with you when I saw you as a woman. I probably fell
in love with you in that sleazy bar on Deep Space Nine. I
don't care what sex you are, or what sex I am, on what day of
the week. I just want you, Harry. I love you. Please say
yes."
"Yes."
The kiss came so suddenly it knocked Tom backward. After a moment
he realized he was lying on the floor with Harry on top of him,
that delicious mouth drinking from his and their cocks pressed so
close together they felt like one organ. 'Ah, what the
hell,' he thought, and wrapped both arms and legs around the
man he loved, kissing him back and moving just a little against
the pressure of his weight--
Harry's outcry came only seconds after Tom's, and then
the two of them were giggling helplessly despite, or perhaps
because of having come while fully dressed.
---
The moment she saw those two beaming faces on the other side of
her desk, Captain Janeway knew. She wasn't a
particularly intuitive person, but for once she was absolutely
certain her hunch was correct. She tried very, very hard to keep
a straight face, a captain's demeanor.
Their joined hands were visible as they stood side by side. Tom
cleared his throat and said, "Captain, we'd like to get
married, and we'd like you to do the honors."
To hell with a captain's demeanor. Janeway got up and threw
her arms around both of them. "I'd love
to."
---
They waited no longer than it took to plan a fairly simple
ceremony followed by a lavish party: four days, to be exact.
Sammie and B'Elanna were asked to stand up with them and to
help to plan the festivities. Chakotay juggled schedules so that
everyone who RSVP'd the shipwide invitation could be present.
Neelix was in rapture at the thought of preparing for a big
reception. The Captain replicated herself a formal dress uniform
and consulted with the two grooms on the texts they wished to
use. Naomi was deputized to take care of Mirajean during the
ceremony. The computer logged an ever-increasing number of
requests for menus of clothing and replication of same.
---
The guests gathered in the holodeck, in Sandrine's, of
course. They formed a ring several rows deep, centered on the
captain. Emeralds sparkled at her ears, and the hem of her dress
uniform touched the deck. Of the holographic characters, only
Sandrine herself was present, leaning on the bar in the
background and smiling fondly. After a few minutes of silence,
the doors to the holodeck opened once again, and the wedding
party entered to the strains of the Venus movement from "The
Planets," by Gustav Holst. Tom went to the left of the
circle of guests and Harry to the right, each accompanied by his
attendant. When they reached a point halfway around the circle,
the guests parted, and the two women led the two men toward the
center of the circle and one another.
B'Elanna was dressed in a traditional Klingon formal gown, in
deep maroon crushed velvet, with a massive gold necklace showing
the sigils of her mother's house. Sam Wildman's gown was
a simple sleeveless affair in shimmering silvery blue, with a
strand of pearls. Naomi, dressed in sapphire blue with matching
ribbons in her fine hair, stepped out of the circle of guests,
pushing Miranda Eugenia clad in frothy white lace and ensconced
in an old-fashioned carriage the Captain had called a
perambulator.
Both Tom and Harry had come to their wedding as men, by mutual
agreement. Harry had chosen to wear traditional Chinese dress: a
tunic and trousers of quilted forest-green silk embroidered with
red and gold, with flat slippers. His elbow-length hair was done
in a braid finished off with a silk tie.
Tom came dressed in something an eighteenth-century English
gentleman might have worn: a fawn-colored coat with long tails
over a white shirt with a ruffled front and snug knee-length
breeches. White stockings and buckled black leather shoes
completed the ensemble.
The two of them came up facing one another and the Captain,
B'Elanna to Tom's left and Sammie to Harry's right.
Smiling, the Captain allowed the musical selection to fade out
and then began the traditional words of the Starfleet
ceremony:
"Since the days of the first wooden vessels, all ship
masters have had one happy privilege, that of uniting two people
in the bonds of matrimony. So it is that we are gathered here
today to witness as Thomas Eugene Paris and Harry Liu Kim swear
their vows to one another."
She turned to Tom. "Do you, Thomas, take Harry to be your
lawfully wedded spouse?"
Tom's gaze was only for Harry. "I do."
Janeway turned to Harry. "Do you, Harry, take Tom to be your
lawfully wedded spouse?"
Harry's gaze never wavered. "I do."
Janeway felt herself tearing up. She softly cleared her throat.
"Then join hands and make your vows in the presence of these
witnesses."
Tom took Harry's right hand in his own right hand, and
Harry's left hand in his own left hand, so that their wrists
were crossed. "You are my best friend, my lover, and the
mother of my child. I want and I will have no other partner but
you. As our hands are joined now, so may our hearts and our lives
be joined also, as long as we both shall live. To you and to this
vow I pledge my honor."
They loosed their hands; then, Harry took Tom's hands in the
same fashion. "You are my best friend, my lover, and the
father of my child. I want and I will have no other partner but
you. As our hands are joined now, so may our hearts and our lives
be joined also, as long as we both shall live. To you and to this
vow I pledge my honor."
Tears were running down quite a few faces, including the
Captain's and all the members of the wedding party. Janeway
sniffed and went on, "If you have any tokens of this vow,
you may exchange them now."
Tom received from B'Elanna, and Harry from Sam, the plain
gold wedding bands they had agreed on. Silently and with great
tenderness, Tom took Harry's left hand and slipped the ring
onto the third finger. Harry gave Tom his ring in the same way.
His solemn face broke into a dazzling smile.
Janeway put her hands on both their shoulders. "Then by my
authority as Captain of the USS Voyager of the Federation
Starfleet, I now pronounce you married. The grooms may
kiss!"
The two of them hardly heard the roar that went up as their lips
met. It was a short kiss and not very passionate, but it lasted
forever in intention, and it was remembered forever by both of
them.
---
Tom let go of Harry and seized the Captain. "Computer, play
selection Glenn Miller wedding music!" The brassy opening
notes of "In the Mood" filled the room, and Tom whirled
the Captain around the open circle, which had now become a dance
floor. Abandoned, Harry laughingly grabbed Sammie, and
B'Elanna dragged Chakotay, resplendent in cream with dark
brown leather applique, onto the dance floor. The rest of the
guests paired off, for the most part, with Tuvok and Seven
standing side by side, contemplating the patterns made by the
dancers.
"Curious," Seven observed, "the partners do not
dance with one another."
"I believe it is a symbolic way of sharing their joy with
others," Tuvok replied.
"You look really beautiful, Captain," Tom said.
"And thank you."
"Thank you, Tom, for giving me the privilege of marrying you
two." She permitted herself to give him a little squeeze.
"I think you'll be very happy together. I'm sure of
it."
Tom surprised her with a quick kiss on the cheek. "I
wouldn't have had the nerve, without your
encouragement."
"He's mine now, permanently," Harry exulted
to Sammie. She sniffled.
"I miss...."
"I know," he whispered, stroking her hair.
"So when are you gonna make your move?" B'Elanna
inquired.
"Hmm?"
"Don't play coy with me. I see you looking at the
Captain while you're dancing with me, and if you haven't
seen her checking you out in these trousers, well, I have,
believe me." B'Elanna didn't see it, but she felt
Chakotay's hot blush.
"Look at that," Tom said, holding Harry firmly against
him.
"What?" Harry nuzzled his husband's neck.
"The Captain, dancing with Chakotay."
The two couples passed one another, smiling. The Commander's
eyes were sparkling like the Captain's earrings.
"It won't be too much longer," Tom said
positively.
"You think?"
Tom grinned smugly. "They've got us for an example,
now."
The party went on and on, fueled by love and mirth and a table
full of real alcoholic beverages contributed by about half the
crew. Later on Tom and Harry each remembered little vignettes,
like holopictures: The Doctor holding Mirajean in his arms and
smiling tenderly over her... Chakotay watching the Captain from a
distance, and smiling ruefully when Tom caught his eyes... Sammie
singing a Gershwin song, "Our Love Is Here To Stay," in
a sweet, torchy soprano... The long table piled high with gifts
wrapped in gold or silver, trailing red and green and blue
ribbons... Sandrine smiling as fondly on Tom as if she were the
woman he had known in Marseilles, not just a holographic
simulation... Everyone smiling, for once, and hands that clasped
and arms that embraced and good wishes murmured in the formulas
of a dozen cultures.
It was only when they were back in their quarters, to which
Tom's things had been moved earlier that day, and to which
the wedding presents were helpfully beamed, that the two of them
realized they hadn't eaten all day. Light-headed with joy and
hunger, they collapsed on the couch.
"We really should replicate something," Harry murmured
against Tom's lips.
"Yeah, I'm famished," Tom replied, licking his way
down Harry's throat.
They jumped simultaneously when the door chimed. "We're
still clothed," Harry observed mischievously. "Come
in!"
Neelix entered, followed by B'Elanna. "We, ah, noticed
that you didn't eat much at the reception--" Neelix
began.
"--And you probably wouldn't think to replicate
something," B'Elanna finished. "So we brought you
some leftovers." She put the tray on the coffee table.
Neelix did the same.
"Well, we'll be out of your way now." Despite his
words, Neelix seemed inclined to linger, but B'Elanna grabbed
his arm and dragged him out.
Laughing, Tom and Harry picked over the cold meats, the pastries,
the oddly-colored vegetables, until the dizziness of an empty
stomach went away, and only the dizziness of being newlyweds
remained. Quite a while passed before they noticed they were just
sitting side by side, smiling foolishly at one another.
---
"Well," Tom said.
"Well," Harry echoed.
"Deep subject." Harry laughed much too hard at the
feeble joke. 'He must really love me.'
Tom reached out and took Harry's hand. "Oh, look, we
have matching rings."
"What a coincidence. How about that." Harry grinned.
'He married me. Finally!'
Tom stroked Harry's cheek with the back of his hand. "I
really love you, you know. I'm sorry it took me so long to
tell you."
Harry turned into the caress, lightly kissed Tom's fingers.
"I know."
They sat there, together, touching, silent. 'Why is this so
hard?' Tom wondered. 'Why don't we just rip each
other's clothes off? Is it always this scary to get what you
really want?'
'I'm afraid to move,' Harry thought. 'I want it
to be perfect. I'm afraid I'll spoil it.'
Very slowly and gradually, almost imperceptibly, as a sunbeam
will move unnoticed across a room, as the stars move unnoticed at
great speed across the galaxies, their heads turned, inclined
together, lips sought other lips, fitted close. The kiss started
shyly, lips brushing, noses bumping, hands still entwined between
them. So soft. Hesitant, really. Afraid to move too quickly, too
soon.
Then a murmur, whose didn't matter, and Harry felt Tom's
breath along his cheek and put out the tip of his tongue at the
same moment that Tom put out the tip of his tongue. A jolt went
through both of them equivalent to sticking one's hand in a
warp core. Mouths opened, tongues swirled together greedily,
tasting, re-learning, hungry and thirsty for one another, but
still they sat knee to knee on the couch, hand in hand, that was
all.
They broke apart only when both of them were desperate for air.
For a moment they just stared at one another, brown eyes into
blue, blue eyes into brown, feeling the energy swirl between
them: lust, love, maybe something more. Then Harry grinned, the
same wicked grin he had hidden from Tom the night he tried to
seduce him, and Tom proposed marriage. "This is going to be
really good," he said, his voice almost a growl, and
Tom pounced on him.
The elaborate wedding garments flew everywhere. The coffee table
was kicked aside, with a few choice oaths, knocking over a
candelabrum and a couple of padds. Harry fell back on the couch,
Tom on top of him and trying to undo Harry's braid without
letting go of his mouth. Harry wrapped his arms around Tom's
back, hooked his leg over Tom's, and ground against him
unabashedly, their erections rubbing together like sticks and
kindling an inner fire instantly.
Tom ran his hands through the waves of black hair, buried his
face in it against Harry's neck. "I've waited for
this for so long," he ground out, dangerously close to
coming already. "I've waited to have you naked in my
arms, wanting me as much as I want you, just like this, and now I
want to do everything, everything, all at once."
Harry moaned passionately, as turned on by Tom's words as by
the hot kisses on his lips and face and throat. "Yes,
everything, all of it," he affirmed, "touching and
tasting and sucking and fucking and anything else we can think
of, oh god that feels good don't stop!"
Harry threw back his head as Tom's mouth closed over a
nipple. Even in male gender, his nipples felt extra-sensitive
these days from nursing Mira, and oh, gods, yes, Tom was doing
exactly what he liked, wanted, needed--sweet flicking and
nibbling and sucking and the friction of cock against cock
against belly--
Thrashing wildly, Harry cried out as the pleasure burst out of
him, spurting hotly between their writhing bodies. Tom's arms
were tight around his back, fingers tangled in his hair, until he
relaxed, limp, unable to open his eyes or stop smiling.
He did open his eyes when he realized that Tom had lifted him off
the couch. "What are you doing?"
"Taking you to bed, Har. It's a nice big bed, remember?
No reason we have to stay on the--couch--oof!"
Harry hit the mattress and bounced a little. "Idiot,"
he said, pulling Tom down against him. "If you throw your
back out, we won't be able to fuck."
Tom's hands were in that long black hair again.
"Can't have that, guess I'll just have to rest a
minute...."
Harry wrapped his arms around Tom and pulled and wiggled to get
their two bodies as close as possible. Tom seemed absorbed in
playing with Harry's hair, combing through the silky strands,
draping it over himself, tickling Harry's cheek with the
ends. Harry twitched and chuckled and began kissing Tom's jaw
and neck, since they were handy, sliding his leg a little further
between Tom's so he could push Tom gently onto his back.
Tom sighed beneath the curtain of Harry's hair. He ran his
hands down the smooth, muscular back and up the strong arms that
framed him as Harry worked his way kissing and licking and biting
around and down that long slender throat he'd so long
admired, until he reached Tom's chest. Tom twisted with
pleasure as Harry's lips wandered through the fuzz on his
chest, seeking out the pink nipples as if he didn't already
know where they were. It seemed to Harry that they recovered
faster from orgasm, as men, since gaining the ability to become
women, which was fine with him. Harry was already getting hard
again, and he could feel Tom gradually beginning to poke into his
stomach. Tom was thrashing a little under his touch as Harry
teased his nipples with fingers and lips, and that only made
Harry more aroused, more hungry. Tom's hands gripped
Harry's shoulders, fingers wound into his hair again, and
then Tom dragged him up and kissed him, filling Harry's mouth
with his tongue and then yielding the same, moaning.
Harry drew away, gently. "We're in no hurry," he
whispered. He rolled over onto his back, and Tom came after him,
resuming the kiss briefly and following it up with clever,
curious hands that roamed everywhere, spreading Harry's hair
on the pillow, kneading his shoulders, gently teasing his nipples
some more, exploring the contours of muscle, dipping into the
flat navel. Tom loved the sleek solidity of his husband, the
spiciness of his kiss, the firm weight between his legs, the
beautiful hard curve of his ass. Harry sighed as lips followed
hands, moist kisses everywhere, nowhere long enough to drive him
mad, but it was driving him mad and he reached for Tom,
another relentless kiss and a deep moan that became a groan when
Harry got his hand on Tom's cock. That hand went up and down
on the length of his cock, stroking steadily, fingers varying the
pressure as nimbly as if he were playing the clarinet. Tom looked
up into intense heat in Harry's eyes, desire and tenderness
contemplating him, and felt himself dissolving as Harry stoked
faster, "You're so beautiful, Tom," he murmured,
and Tom poured himself out almost with a scream, spilling his
essence over Harry as Harry had over him.
They lay twined together for a few minutes, not moving except for
playing with one another's wedding bands. Harry smoothed the
cooling semen into Tom's skin, loving the grassy odor of it.
"You know, I already feel like we've been married
forever."
Tom nodded. "Me too." He kissed the top of his
husband's head. "So what do you want to do
next?"
"What do you want to do?"
They looked at one another and laughed. Then Harry smiled
winningly. "I have an idea."
He maneuvered around on the big bed so that he was lying on his
side, his head to Tom's feet. Tom got the idea, and they
shifted position minutely until each could take hold of the
other's cock and get his mouth on it.
Harry thought back to the day he'd fantasized about this in
the shower, which had shifted him to masculinity for the first
time since his pregnancy. He loved this man's cock, as long
and elegant as the rest of him, rose-colored in arousal, with a
delicately pointed tip. He flicked his tongue over the tip,
holding the shaft in his hand, and reveled in being able to feel
it thicken, stiffen, quiver, in feeling Tom's response
vibrate thorugh Harry's own flesh. A few gentle strokes, a
few more exploratory licks, and Tom was fully hard, the slit in
the head beginning to drip. With a soft moan, Harry sucked the
full length into his mouth.
Tom curled his fingers around Harry's thick, plum-colored
cock. He'd been thinking about doing this ever since
they'd done a sixty-nine as women. He'd always had a
weakness for men who were thicker than he was, and Harry was
thick and so beautifully shaped, almost straight. He took just
the head into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it, passing
lightly over the sensitive slit while his thumb rubbed the ridge
behind the head. Harry shuddered, pressed forward a little, and
enclosed all of Tom in his mouth, giving a slow, thorough
suction. Groaning in his belly, Tom went down on Harry, until his
nose brushed silky black hairs, and ran his tongue over the
fullness of it.
Harry's hand sought Tom's ass, stroking, kneading, and
Tom shifted just enough to invite a questing finger into the
cleft, where it stroked the tight hole but did not press in. Tom
returned the gesture, cupping Harry's ass with both hands,
squeezing the firm mounds, and spreading them gently for his
touch. Harry thrust deeper into Tom's mouth, his noises not
heard but felt by his lover, and received Tom's cock deeper
as well, so perfect, they were always in synch this way, always
had been--
Just the tip of Tom's finger slipped carefully into
Harry's asshole, and Harry lost it, trying desperately not to
gag his husband as he shuddered with release. Tom said, or tried
to say something, incoherent, and Harry pressed one finger into
Tom's body and swallowed greedily as the other man shook with
fierce spasms, letting go of Harry's limp flesh and crying
out hoarsely.
Neither of them moved for quite a while. Harry's forehead
rested against Tom's thigh, Tom's cheek was pillowed on
Harry's leg. Eventually Harry dragged himself back to the
head of the bed, and they rocked into one another's embrace
and kissed again, on and on, insatiable, lips, tongue, teeth, the
taste of come and the heat of desire, until both of them were
trembling, feeling yet another erection come on. Hands started
wandering again, skin rubbed against skin, and Tom nipped
Harry's throat and licked the salt of it, humming with
pleasure, until Harry groaned and pulled away. "I want you
to fuck me," he whispered.
Tom closed his eyes in near-pain as his cock sprang up yet again
at those words. "Oh, Harry. Oh, yes."
Harry reached over, opened the drawer of his night table, and
pulled out a tube of lubricant, which he placed in Tom's
shaking hands. He turned over and got on his knees, pillowing his
head on his arms and moving his knees wide apart, wanting it as
deeply as possible.
Tom swallowed hard at the sight of Harry, black hair falling over
the pillow and his arms, gorgeous ass raised and knees parted,
the delicate opening exposed between the muscular curves.
Tom's hands were shaking so badly he wasn't sure he could
make Harry ready. He wanted to ram it in now and he wanted
to keep this moment forever, Harry so beautiful, ready to be
taken. Kneeling over him, between his calves, he kissed his way
from the nape of Harry's neck down the smooth arch of his
spine until he was breathing warmly into the cleft of Harry's
buttocks. "Please," Harry murmured, muffled but
understandable. Tom ran his tongue from the space behind
Harry's balls up to the base of his spine, passing smoothly
over the sensitive opening.
Harry quivered. "Yessss," he moaned, and Tom licked him
again, touching the tight pucker more firmly now. His skin
prickled all over with wanting. Harry moved his hips, asking
more, and Tom shifted in closer, opening the tube and squeezing
lubricant onto his fingers as he probed Harry with his tongue.
"Ohhh, Tom," Harry breathed, pleading. Tom thrust his
tongue into the ring of muscle, twice, three, four times, then
drew back and replaced it with a dripping finger.
Groaning hoarsely, Harry pressed back against his husband, taking
in the penetrating finger, wordlessly begging for more. Tom
watched his husband as he fucked him in the ass with one careful
finger, watched the opening loosen around his touch, watched
Harry move sinuously in response, heard the quickening breathing
and rising moans, felt his own head spin, and then replaced one
finger with two. Harry threw back his head, rising up on his
elbows now, losing any control. "More," he
rasped, and Tom went for three fingers, thrusting in deep and
hard, his cock hurting and his mind overloaded, seeing how Harry
wanted to be fucked, wanting to fuck him.
He bent and kissed the hard curve of Harry's ass. "Do
you want my cock, love?"
"Oh, yes, yes please--"
Harry whimpered, helpless to prevent it, as the fingers that
filled him were withdrawn. One hand came to rest on his hip, and
then he felt it--the slow pressure that expanded him still more,
that filled him completely, that went to his core. He thrust back
against Tom, needing and wanting, and both his hips were clasped
firmly as Tom pulled him back, pushing forward, until he was all
the way in.
They were still for a moment. Harry looked over his shoulder,
face tight with need. "I've wanted this--for so
long," he gasped. It was a struggle to speak, but he wanted,
needed to. "To feel you inside me--like this--to have you
fuck me." He moved convulsively, clenching around his lover.
"Tom, please. Please."
If Tom hadn't come twice already, it would have been over
right then. Harry was so tight, so hot, so eager, clasping the
whole length of Tom's cock with hungry muscles. Tom moved
back and thrust in again, hearing Harry moan, hearing him gasp
again, "Please," and Tom bent forward, running
his hands from his lover's hips up to his shoulders, and then
he grabbed on and started moving in earnest, thrusting hard,
fucking Harry good just as he'd asked him to, taking him and
being taken.
"Oh gods," Tom groaned. "Oh GODS--" No
holding back any more, plunging home again and again with all his
strength, somehow wanting to break Harry apart, to fuck his soul,
to give his soul to Harry as the orgasm rushed out of him, hot,
incandescent, Harry urging him, "Yes, come in me, come,
come," and Tom came, drowning in the flames, weeping and
crying out and seeing everything so bright it was blinding,
screaming, until he saw no more.
It took Tom a good deal longer to recover, this time. He came to
himself wrapped in Harry's arms, his face against Harry's
chest; Harry must have moved him while he was out. "I think
I found God with that one," he mumbled. Harry chuckled.
"Or Goddess. Or all of the above."
A kiss on his forehead, and a hand running through the strawberry
curls. "All of the above sounds good."
Tom drew away, with drowsy lack of speed, brushing a hand over
Harry's erection. "Well, look at this." He took
hold of it consideringly, and Harry groaned in his throat.
"Feel this." He stroked up and down, almost
casually, a grin spreadin over his face as Harry shuddered.
"I know what you can do with this," he murmured into
Harry's mouth.
"And what would that be?" Harry lifted his chin to give
Tom better access to his throat.
"You can fuck me in the ass and come inside me,
lover."
Harry bent swiftly and nipped Tom's shoulder, making him
yelp. "I'd love to, beautiful. No, stay right where you
are."
Harry groped around for the tube of lubricant and, finding it,
moved between Tom's legs. "I want you to lie on your
back, and put your legs over my shoulders, and look into my eyes
while I fuck you." Tom shivered. "I'm gonna fuck
you at least as hard as you fucked me."
"Fuck me as hard as you can, lover," Tom whispered, and
whimpered as a wet finger found his asshole.
So tight, and so responsive. Whimpering as Harry felt for the
tender gland. Eyes like sapphires, whirling like galaxies. Lips
soft, moist, open. The tendons stood out in the slender neck as
Harry went from one to two fingers, every muscle in Tom's
chest and belly in relief. Which was better, to find ecstasy in
Tom's touch, or to know that he could give ecstasy in return?
Tom wailed helplessly as Harry went for the gland again. "Do
you like this?" "Oh, yes." "Want
more?"
"Please, please...."
Harry drizzled more lube over his fingers and carefully opened
Tom with three of them, feeling Tom thrust against him, biting
his lip. He twisted those fingers in as deep as they would go,
savoring the open-mouthed moans that were just the same as when
Tom was a woman, only deeper in pitch. "I'm gonna fuck
you good, Tom," Harry whispered, "go so deep inside
you, you'll feel it for days...."
"Do it now, Harry," Tom panted, "do it
now."
Harry obeyed. He lifted the long, lean legs and draped them over
his shoulders, creeping closer until the drenched head of his
cock nudged the moist opening. Tom reached out and took hold of
Harry's arms, and Harry thrust forward and went in, so
easily, it was only a heartbeat before he could go no deeper.
Tom gulped, gasped, writhed, trying to bring his husband in
further, as if Harry's whole body could fit inside him. That
seemed to be, in essence, what he wanted, what the whole point of
sex was meant to be: To be absolutely one flesh, and heart and
mind and soul as well. Those fathomless brown eyes were pouring
into his, everything Harry felt right there, and Tom struggled to
keep his eyes open, to show what he felt, to give and receive as
freely as his beloved.
Harry began to move, gliding slickly in and out of Tom's
body, feeling the shift of muscles around him, the heat of
desire, of lust. He wanted this to last forever; he wanted it to
overwhelm him now. He wanted to keep coming forever, and
Tom with him, never to separate their bodies. Tom was arching
beneath him, back bent in two, answering every thrust, and
saying, "Harry," over and over, one word to
express everything he felt. "I love you," Harry moaned.
Tom bucked against him, clenched around him.
"Harry," he groaned, "Harry, do it,
don't make me wait, please, please--"
Harry bent forward to lock his mouth on Tom's, swallowing
those agonized sounds, feeling them, as he drove harder and
harder into his husband's willing body, feeling it sweep
inexorably over him like the tide going in, a sun going nova,
everything turning blue and gold as he broke the kiss and looked
into Tom's eyes and Tom hissed, "Now," and it was,
it was now forever, one superlative moment in which Harry took
everything, gave everything, came violently within his
lover's body, "I love you!" and collapsed, drifting
in a sea of white light.
They must both have drifted off to sleep after that. Tom woke,
feeling vaguely crushed, to discover Harry snoring on top of him.
Harry woke as Tom pushed him away; he had long since slipped out
of his lover. They settled comfortably in one another's arms,
side by side. Harry sighed deeply.
"Worth the wait?" Tom asked, caressing his
husband's back.
"Yeah, definitely."
"I love you, Harry. I love you so much it scares me. I love
you so much nothing else feels as good." Tom smiled.
"Except loving Mira."
"Yeah." Harry pressed a lazy kiss on a nearby shoulder,
changed position. "I love you, too, Tom. Always."
They were both silent for a couple of minutes. Then Tom squeezed
Harry. "You ready to go to sleep?"
After a moment, Harry shook his head. "No, I'm not
really sleepy. Gods know I can't come any more right now, but
I want to talk with you, be with you, maybe eat something. Why
don't we open the wedding presents?"
Tom rolled off of the bed, groaning, and searched for his robe.
Harry disappeared into the bathroom briefly, came back in his own
robe with Tom's in his hand. Tom slipped it on, grinning, and
the two of them went hand in hand into the living room. The
evening, and their marriage, had just begun.
---
End
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