by Merri Todd Webster

DISCLAIMER: I am stealing so many characters in this one, from so many different sources, that all I can say is, Mirajean is the only one mentioned who actually belongs to me.

This is extremely harmless -- no sex, just happy couplehood/parenthood.

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"Do you really have to corrupt our child like this, Tom?"

"What corruption, Har? I spent days going through the data we collected from 1996, sorting out children's programming and downloading it into separate files. All so Mirajean can have some fun videos to watch, right, sweetie?" <raspberry on neck>

"Ghoo!"

"Now you sit right here between Mommy and Daddy, and we'll watch TV. That's what they used to call it back then, TV, for television."

<cheerful gurgle>

<resigned sigh>

"Okay, what's first? Lessee, this one's 'Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood'."

". . . Please won't you be my neighbor?"

<attentive silence>

<definite silence>

<deep silence>

". . . Can you say 'balloon'? I knew you could."

"Tom, she's snoring."

"Little girl babies don't snore."

"The hell they don't. Listen." <lifts small limp body>

<snrrrr. . .>

"Mira honey, Miranda Eugenia, wake up! There's Daddy's girl. Let's try something else."

"I love you, you love me--"

<piercing scream followed by hysterical sobs>

"Turn it off! Turn it off!"

"I'm trying! I'm trying!"

<click> <pitiful sobs>

<cuddle> "It's okay, Mira honey. It's okay." <glare>

"I'm sorry, Harry. I'm sorry, sweetheart." <kiss> "Who knew a goofy purple and green dinosaur would have that effect on her?"

"So what other horrors do you have planned?"

"Well, there's one more thing. . ."

"Sunny day, everything's a-okay. . ."

<interested chirp> "B'dee?"

"Yes, honey, that's Big Bird."

"Brrrh!"

"Yes, Big Bird! Very good, Miranda!"

<tuneless baby warbling>

"Hey, I think she likes this show. What's it called again?"

"'Sesame Street'."

"Catchy title. You know, some of the sets look familiar, almost. . ."

"Supposed to be New York City."

"No, really? Hey, that's Seiji Ozawa!"

"Got it in one, Har."

"What's he doing on a children's show?"

<smirk> "Wait and see."

"Placido Flamingo and the Sesame Street Animal Orchestra performing the 'Street Song' from 'Naughty Marietta'."

<hysterical laughter accompanied by enthusiastic baby warbling>

"B'dee! B'dee!"

"Look at the man's hair! Do conductors always act like that?"

<chuckle> "Yes."

"Did you like the walruses, honey?"

"Gaboo!"

"That's Daddy's girl." <hug> "Well, I guess twentieth- century television isn't all bad, huh, Har?"

"I guess not. So what about this other show? 'The Simpsons'?"

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End