Jesse woke up slightly disoriented. He was in his own bed, but something was decidedly different. He felt a warm presence against his back, strong arms wrapped around his body. Taking a deep breath, Jesse looked down at the arms and instantly recognized them.

//Steve//

It all came back to him. His break-up with Susan, Steve showing up for their usual Monday night activities. Only last night they seemed to have started a new tradition. One that was no doubt going to change everything.

Sighing deeply, Jesse gently extracted himself from Steve's arms and moved into the bathroom. As the hot shower water beat down on his skin, Jesse remembered the previous night with a clarity he had never experienced. He remembered the way Steve's hands and tongue felt against his skin, the tender way they had kissed. He could still feel Steve inside of him, in the soreness of his own body.

But beyond all that, lay the questions and the doubt.

What would happen now? What did this mean to Steve? Those were questions he didn't have any answers for and wasn't sure he wanted to go looking for them.

Climbing out of the shower, Jesse toweled off and went back into the bedroom. Steve was still sleeping soundly, so he dressed quickly and went into the kitchen to make some breakfast.

Half an hour later Steve woke up alone. He had no trouble remembering what happened the night before. A slow smile spread across his lips as he climbed out of bed and took his shower.

Jesse had just set the orange juice on the table when Steve came out.

"Hey." Steve smiled.

"Hey. You hungry?" Jesse asked.

"Yeah."

The two men sat down and concentrated on breakfast, not really sure what to say. This wasn't like any other breakfast they had shared.

"You have to work today?" Steve finally asked.

"No. I have five days off."

Steve nodded.

"You?"

Steve shook his head. "No, the Captain gave me some extra time off."

They both sat in silence for a second before Jesse looked up, his eyes meeting Steve's. "So?"

"So…" Steve repeated.

Jesse laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "This is ridiculous."

"Isn't it?" Steve laughed. "We've been friends forever."

"Yeah, we have." Jesse said softly.

Steve stood up and began cleaning the table of their breakfast as he spoke.

"Look, Jess, I don't want you to feel…" he trailed off.

"What? Weird... obligated? What?" Jesse questioned, standing up to help.

"Pressured." Steve answered as he turned on the water and began rinsing the dishes off before filling the dishwasher.

"Pressured." Jesse repeated, as he took the sponge out of the sink and went to wipe down the table.

At some point in the back of his mind, Jesse realized how domestic they must look, but he pushed away such thoughts.

"Yeah, I know you just broke up with Susan."

Jesse stopped and turned around. "And what, you think this was a rebound thing? That I don't want you? That I'm…confused?"

As each item was mentioned, Steve noticed Jesse getting more upset, his body tense, his voice straining to remain calm. He wanted to tell the younger man that it wasn't like that. That he trusted him, that he *loved* him, but he wasn't entirely certain how he'd be received.

"I thought you knew me better than that." Jesse said quietly, defeated.

"Jess," Steve began.

Jesse shook his head, shoring up his courage. "No, Steve, don't. I'm not a child." He turned away and picked up his keys from where they lay on the counter. "Don't treat me like one." He spoke quietly as he moved towards his front door and opened it. "I told you last night that we couldn't go back, but apparently we can't go forward either."

He shut the door behind him and left his building hoping that Steve would be gone by the time he returned.

*******

Steve finished cleaning the kitchen then made himself move through the rest of the small apartment. He knew that Jesse expected him gone when he returned, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. He was afraid that if he did, then there wasn't any hope of fixing whatever had gone wrong that morning.

He knew he had handled things poorly, but he honestly didn't know where things had stood between them. Steve knew that Jesse and Susan hadn't been happy for a long time, if ever, and that Jesse no doubt knew what he wanted. Still, Steve couldn't help but think that he had been a little arrogant.

Sure Jesse had implied that the person he wanted didn't want him, or so he thought, but at no time had Jesse said that Steve was that person. At the time, Steve had been confident he read the right signals. Looking back now, he wasn't so sure if he was reading his own desires into it, or if Jesse really had meant him.

Either way, the question remained, 'What now'?

Steve sat on Jesse's couch pondering this question when a faint ringing sounded into the silent apartment. Steve made his way over to his jacket, where he'd left his cell phone.

"Sloan." He spoke into the line, hoping that it wasn't work.

"Where'd you put the McGruder file?" Cheryl's voice sounded through the line.

Steve sighed. He had been hoping it was Jesse.

"Don't sound so excited." Cheryl laughed.

"Sorry. Check your desk. I dropped it off before I left."

He heard the sounds of papers shuffling and desk drawers opening. "Found it. Thanks." She paused a second before continuing. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Steve answered automatically.

"Uh huh."

"It's nothing, really. I just did something stupid is all."

"Oh well, then its just business as usual." She laughed.

"Ha ha." Steve smiled. Cheryl was the closest thing to a friend he had at work.

"Seriously, what happened?" When he didn't answer, she continued. "Where are you?"

"What makes you think I'm not at home?" Steve asked.

"I tried there first."

"I'm at Jesse's" Steve admitted.

"Ah." Cheryl said, as if that explained everything. "And where is the good doctor?"

Steve ignored the question "What do you mean, 'ah'?" He asked suspiciously.

"It means, " Cheryl began patiently, "that either you and he had a fight and he left you alone to brood, or everything's fine, but you're still pining for him, too chicken to do anything about it."

Steve wasn't even surprised that she knew him so well or disturbed that she knew about his feelings for Jesse.

"I'll take door number one."

Cheryl chuckled slightly. "So, apologize and kiss and make up."

Steve sighed. "If only it were that easy."

"It is. You love him, he loves you."

"I'm not so sure." Steve said quietly, referring to Jesse's feelings.

Cheryl snorted in a decidedly unladylike fashion. "I admit I don't really know him very well, but what I do know, from what I've seen and from what you've said, Jesse doesn't seem like the kind of guy to lead you on or do anything to ruin your friendship."

Steve thought about that for a full minute before he realized he hadn't said anything to Cheryl to lead her to the conclusion she'd obviously drawn.

"Look, Steve, I've got to go. Just… talk to him."

Before he could comment one way or the other, he heard the click as she disconnected. Setting his phone down on the coffee table, Steve tried to figure out what to do next. It only took him a few seconds to make a decision, and another five minutes to figure out how to implement it.

As Steve locked Jesse's apartment door, and retrieved his hidden spare key so he could get back inside, he hoped that wherever Jesse had gone, it would keep him away for awhile longer.

*****

Jesse leaned back against the sand, his eyes closed as the evening's breeze blew over him. It was just after sunset and the part of the beach he was on was deserted. Which was why he had chosen it. He'd spent most of the day here, thinking and surfing, surfing and thinking.

Not for the first time, Jesse was glad for the spare surfboard and extra change of clothes he'd left at his friend, Brian's house. Brian and his lover Paul had a house on the beach. It was nearly obscured by large palm trees they had transplanted in order to block their home from visitors to the beach. Though it wasn't necessary. This section of the beach was nearly empty, even in the height of summer.

"You gonna sit out here all night?"

Jesse opened his eyes and looked up. Paul was standing above him with a small smile.

"I guess." Jesse sat up as Paul came to sit next to him.

Paul was six-five, over two hundred pounds and dwarfed Jesse on the quiet beach.

"Brian said you had a fight with your boyfriend." Paul said conversationally.

"Steve isn't my boyfriend." Jesse told him a bit wistfully.

"You had sex, didn't you?" Paul asked, remembering what his lover had told him.

Jesse smiled ruefully. "Sex does not a boyfriend make."

"True." Paul acknowledged with a small grin. "But this is the same Steve you've been yammering about for over three years, right?"

Jesse sighed and nodded. "One and the same."

"I doubt you would have had sex with him if there wasn't something more going on."

Jesse looked out on to the water, the breeze making small waves. "I thought there was, but now I'm not so sure."

Paul followed his friend's gaze out to the ocean. "Maybe you should be talking to him about it instead of hiding out here."

"Yeah, maybe." Jesse said, making no move to get up.

The two men sat still for a minute, then Paul stood up. "Think about it."

Jesse thought about what his friend had said long after he'd gone into the house, and realized Paul was right. Whatever happened now, nothing could be gained by avoiding Steve. Standing up and wiping the sand of off his legs, the doctor made his way back to his car.

****

By the time Jesse got home it was nearly eight o'clock. He parked in his assigned parking space and took the stairs up to his apartment. In the two hours since leaving the beach, Jesse had thought a lot about what would happen next, what he *wanted* to happen and what he was willing to do to get what he wanted.

When he stepped into his apartment, Jesse was sure he was in the wrong place. The lights were turned off, but there was a warm glow from candles that had been lit all around the room. Music was playing softly in the background and the entire apartment smelled like warm bread and baked chicken.

Jesse took in everything with a stunned sort of surprise. He almost didn't recognize the place.

"Jess."

Jesse turned toward the voice and was only slightly surprised to find Steve standing in the hallway, wearing a pair of comfortable jeans and a tight T-shirt. He looked a little nervous, but more importantly, he looked comfortable, standing there, in Jesse's apartment, almost as if he *belonged* there.

"Hi." Jesse set his keys down on the table next to the door. "You're still here."

"Yeah." Steve breathed out. "I left, to get some…things, but then I came back." He stepped closer to the doctor. "I'm sorry…about before."

"No, I'm sorry. I over-reacted." Jesse moved forward.

The two men stood staring at each other, sort of awkward, but mostly relieved.

"You cooked?" Jesse grinned. "Should I be afraid?"

"Maybe." Steve smiled. "But I was kind of hoping you'd be impressed."

Jesse laughed and walked closer, so that he was standing only a few inches away from his friend. "I'm duly impressed." He nodded towards the bathroom just behind Steve. "Can you give me a few minutes? I need to take a shower."

"I didn't know when you'd be back." Steve looked away for a second. "The food is in the oven, keeping warm."

"Thanks." Jesse placed a soft, chaste kiss on Steve's lips before moving past him and going into the bathroom to wash off the sand and salt water.

Steve watched as the doctor disappeared into the bathroom and tried not to think about the fact that Jesse was on the other side of that door, wet and naked, or nearly so. Turning away from the bathroom, Steve went into the kitchen and pulled the chicken and bread out of the oven began and setting the table.

Jesse came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a bath towel just as Steve was setting their plates on the table. He went into his bedroom and dressed quickly, feeling slightly self-conscious.

He didn't know why he was so nervous. They'd already had sex, and it wasn't as if he was a blushing virgin or anything, even though it had been several years since he'd even entertained the idea of another relationship. His relationship with Susan had sort of *happened* to him. He hadn't really sought her out, and it just seemed *easier* to date her.

He'd known it was a bad idea, but tried to talk himself into it. Susan knew he was gay, *knew* that she could make the distinction and call him bisexual, but the distinction was only for herself. He knew the truth.

And now it was over, and he was contemplating doing it all over again. Maybe this time he'd get it right. With the right person.

*****

Dinner was an odd affair. Steve couldn't count the number of times he and Jesse had eaten together. But never had one meal *meant* so much. There was so much left unsaid, so much under the surface, that neither man were prepared to voice. Amazingly enough, the meal wasn't uncomfortable. They both seemed content enough to eat first, and talk later.

The romantic atmosphere wasn't lost on Jesse and he realized that something was changing there between them. Something that went beyond what happened the previous night, or anything that might have been said, or left unsaid, that morning.

This was big, and he was prepared for it.

After dinner, Jesse helped Steve clean up and the two men found themselves in Jesse's living room, wondering what to do now. Just as Steve was about to open his mouth, Jesse spoke.

"I'm sorry."

Steve looked up at his friend.

"I over-reacted this morning. I don't know what I was so upset about. I guess… I guess I just wasn't prepared for what happened last night." He paused. "What did happen?"

Steve opened his mouth to speak, but wasn't really sure what to say. He locked his eyes with Jesse's and tried again. "I love you."

Jesse blinked and then smiled shyly. "Yeah?"

Steve gulped and nodded. "Yeah."

Jesse moved a little closer to Steve on the couch. "That's good."

"Is it?" Steve asked, only half-jokingly.

"Yeah." Jesse leaned forward until his lips were almost touching Steve's. "Because, I love you too." He sealed his lips over Steve's. Steve's mouth opened and let Jesse's wandering tongue in.

The two kissed for several minutes before they pulled away, breathless.

"You know, this changes everything." Jesse whispered, not wanting to bring serious issues into play, but knowing it was necessary.

"It does." Steve agreed. "But I'm ready." He kissed Jesse one more time. "We're ready." He stood up and held out his hand for Jesse to take.

Jesse took the offered hand and followed Steve into his bedroom, "Yeah we are."

*****

Later that night, as Jesse slept against his chest, Steve thought about his words. He did believe they were ready, but he wasn't so sure anyone else was. And after all was said and done, he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to remain in the closest where his relationship with Jesse was concerned. He wasn't sure he *could*. But would Jesse feel the same?

*****

End 'This Changes Everything'