TITLE: A Friend
SERIES: Untitled, as of yet.
AUTHOR: Kylia (kylia_owl@yahoo.com)
DISCLAIMER: Nobody belongs to me, unfortunately. They belong to the fabulous
people at CBS/Viacom/Paramount, yada, yada, yada.
RATING: R
SPOILERS: 3th season; Takes place directly after 'Love Is Murder' Anything after that hasn't happened, and doesn't exist.
CATEGORY: Steve/Jesse
SUMMARY: Steve is having trouble dealing with what happened with Lynn Conklin
WEB VERSION: http://www.sockiipress.org/~kyliasworld/Fic/DM/afriend.html
DISTRIBUTION: BBQ Bob's; The Abode, anyone else, ask and you shall receive
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is the first part of a series, completely unrelated to 'Changing Seasons'. If you haven't seen 'Love is Murder' just know that Lynn Conklin was a cop-killing, serial killer whom Steve was briefly involved with.
DEDICATION: Liz
********

Steve Sloan stared though his window, unseeing. He had heard a car drive up a few minutes ago, and the sounds of voices drifted up from the deck, but he couldn’t bring himself to care too much about it.

It was probably one of his father’s friends. Maybe Amanda, or Jesse, either way it didn’t matter. They were most likely there to see Mark. And that was fine by him, he wasn’t in any mood for company.

“Hey.”

Steve turned at the sound of the voice. “Jesse. What are you doing here?” He asked. He was surprised to see the younger man.

He’d only known Jesse for a few weeks and didn’t really know him that well, although if pushed he would grudgingly admit that the young doctor had proved useful a time or two and that his personality was infectious.

“I…” Jesse began. “I thought maybe you might want to talk.”

Steve shook his head slightly. “No thanks. I appreciate the offer, really, but…”

Jesse held up his hands, halting the flow of words. “Look Steve, I know we’re not really friends, hell you don’t even know me that well, but I know that what happened… with Lynn, hit you pretty hard, and you might feel better talking about it?”

“What are you a shrink now?” Steve snapped, before he could bite his tongue.

Jesse didn’t so much as blink. “No, but I do know a lot about therapy if that counts for anything.” He tried to smile, but even to Steve it looked forced. “You couldn’t have helped her. She… she didn’t want to be helped, she…” He stopped. “Nevermind.” He turned and started to back out of the room. “If you change you’re mind… well you know where to find me.”

Before Steve could say or do anything else, the doctor was gone. A part of him wanted to call him back, apologize, but another part of him, wanted to wallow in his own guilt. He knew, intellectually, that he couldn’t blame himself for what had happened to Lynn when she was younger, or how it affected her, or even the fact that he hadn’t seen it until it was almost too late.

However, he couldn’t help but think that he should have figured it out sooner. He should have known there was something not quite right with her, should have seen the signs, done *something* to help her.

But he couldn’t, hadn’t, and now she was dead, from a bullet he fired. And it didn’t matter that she had been trying to kill him, to kill them both, he still felt guilty. The irony was he didn’t know her that well, and hadn’t known her for very long. And under less morbid circumstances the fact that she was a serial killer would have amused him, in an abstract way, as further proof that he and women, were a volatile combination that should never be mixed.

“Steve? You in here?”

Steve sighed as his thoughts were interrupted once again. “Yeah, dad.”

“You okay?” Mark Sloan asked, eyeing his son critically.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Steve smiled.

Mark continued to look at him. “What happened with Jesse?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“Well, he was fine when he showed up here a few minutes ago, but he seemed sort of upset when he left.”

“Where’d he go?” Steve asked, avoiding answering the question.

Mark allowed the avoidance. “Up the beach. His car still out front, so he’ll be back.” He paused. “You want to talk about it?’

“No.” Steve answer moving towards the door.

“Is this about Lynn Conklin?” Mark asked in his usual straightforward manner.

“No…yes, maybe.” Steve looked up at his father. “I’m not sure.” He paused, thinking about what Jesse had said. “What do you know about Jesse? About his life before his came to Community General?”

Mark opened his mouth as if to speak, and then closed it, wondering where this conversation was leading. “Not much. His mother’s a doctor, quite successful from what I understand. He’s only mentioned her once or twice and then only briefly. He’s never spoken about his father. Jesse’s an excellent doctor, but that’s about it. Steve, where is this going?”

Steve shook his head. “Nowhere. I better go find him and apologize.” He left the room, leaving his father staring after him, wonder what exactly Steve needed to apologize for.

****

Steve found Jesse about half a mile up the beach, sitting in the sand. He watched him for a moment, unobserved, and tried to figure out what was it about this man that got under his skin so much. He hadn’t known him for very long, but almost from the beginning, he had stuck his nose into Steve’s cases, helping, even when told to stay out of it.

That in and of itself wasn’t uncommon, especially with the way his own father seemed bound and determined to play amateur detective. Still, the way that Jesse seemed to dive in, headfirst, where even Mark feared to tread, should have been an annoyance more than anything.

Instead he found the energetic young man intriguing. He was unlike any of the other doctor’s his father had taken under his wing over the years. There was something about Jesse that demanded that Steve take notice.

And notice he did, no matter how hard he fought against it.

As Jesse sat on the sand, staring into the ocean several yards away, Steve wondered, not for the first time, if there wasn’t more to the young doctor that met the eye. Shaking his head from the path his mind was determined to take him, Steve approached.

Jesse saw him out of the corner of his eye and turned his head. “Steve.”

“Hey.” Steve stepped closer. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

Jesse shook his head, looking down at the sand between his bare toes. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come today. I shouldn’t have stuck my nose where it doesn’t belong. Again.” He moved his gaze back to the water. “We aren’t friends. We barely know each other. I just wanted to… I don’t know, offer an ear, I guess.” He shook his head slightly.

“Thanks.” Steve said quietly. “I’d like to.”

“To what?” Jesse asked in confusion.

“To become friends.” Steve answered as he sat down next to Jesse.

“Me too.” Jesse smiled. After a minute he spoke again. “You want to talk about it?”

“No. It’s over. There’s nothing I can do about it now. I *know* that.”

“But it’s not so easy letting go of the guilt.” Jesse stated, his voice quiet.

“You sound like someone who knows a bit about guilt.”

“Enough.” Jesse stood up and grabbed his shoes and socks sitting next to him on his left. “It’s getting late. We should had back.”

Steve stood up and watched Jesse surreptitiously as the younger man walked back to the house. Something had changed. Jesse’s whole demeanor seemed closed off all of a sudden, in a way the cop had never seen before.

Steve dropped the subject and the two men continued to walk back in silence. When they reached the house, Steve walked Jesse around to the front where his car was parked.

“Look, I meant what I said, if you need an ear, you know where to find me. No matter what it’s about.”

Steve grinned slightly. “Thanks. I may take you up on that.”

Jesse climbed into his car and started the engine and smiled as he pulled out of the driveway.

Steve watched him for several minutes before turning to go back into the house. His father was sitting on the patio outside, reading. He looked up when Steve approached.

“Jesse leave?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s a nice young man.” Mark observed. “He could use a friend.”

“Yeah. A friend.” Steve whispered to himself, walking through the patio doors and into the house, contemplating what it was about Jesse Travis that interested him, and how many layers were underneath that energetic exterior.

****

End ‘A Friend’