"His Was the Most. . . Human"

Jim --

There is not much time before the redshirts arrive. I have human blood on my hands. I used my mind against a human. Against McCoy. I raped him, Jim. I took something from him. It wasn't mine to take. So there is just this one choice. I couldn't endure court martial That's what will happen if the guards find me. Mind-rape is a horrible crime. For everyone.

This is best. I know how things stand with you. McCoy's memories showed me that. But I now also know the harm I've done to you. Also to Leonard. I cannot live with that. It is better I end this now. Better I accept myself for the half-human -- the human -- I am, and take human responsibility. I think Amanda will understand, and maybe Sarek too. I lived my life a Vulcan, but I will die a human. That's a change for the better, don't you think?

Jim, it's hard to put a lifetime into a few words. I know now how you have felt about me, even since fal-tor-pan. It was a true love, an honorable love. I wish I had been worthy of it, I wish I could accept it. Starfleet was good to us -- it brought us together and gave us fine years on the Enterprise. But it would have been better if you had not listened to Sarek, if you had left me on Genesis. I would have lived again and died, along with the Grissom crew, and you and McCoy would have been spared. I owe the two of you that much, at least. You have been good friends, and often I have abused that by trying to be the perfect Vulcan.

I think I hear Mr. Scott coming to see why he's getting a light for open hangar doors, so I will stop. The redshirts won't be far behind him. I'm not done yet, but it's time to go.

Jim, please know that however difficult matters were between us, I always thought you were the best captain in the fleet.

Live long and prosper, t'hy'la.

Spock