A week later, Tom was getting ready to try to sleep. It hadn't been easy time since they had gotten back from the planet. Luckily the Doc had also provided a sedative for him as well. Tom sat staring out the viewport, his mind almost blank.

The afternoon that Tuvok had visited Chak, he also commed Tom. They had a little discussion. Tuvok went into great detail about Chakotay and that he understood the Commander's need to be with Tom, but he also made it extremely clear that Tom's presence was more of a detriment to the Chak's recovery than anything else.

"And how is that, Commander?"

"Lieutenant Paris, your presence reminds the Commander of what happened. You yourself stated that your presence when Raton tortured the Commander made the situation worse. Wouldn't it be better if Commander Chakotay had a chance to deal with it privately, in his own mind prior to having to face you?"

"I know I can calm Chakotay down when no one else can." Tom crossed his arms. A small gesture, but it wasn't lost on Tuvok. No matter what Tuvok said, Tom wasn't going to abandon Chak now. Of all people on this ship, he knew this was when Chakotay needed someone.

"Something the Commander needs to learn to do for himself again." Tuvok stated firmly. "Lieutenant, I am not in anyway condemning you for what you have done for Commander Chakotay, but I am saying that the Commander needs to reacclimate to Voyager by himself. I have suggested he use his Spirit Walks and his guide to try to rebalance himself."

Tom had to agree with that.

"I have also noted in my studies that without the Commander's confidence, the chances of the counseling sessions being successful are seriously reduced."

Again, Tom had to agree.

"I am not saying you are to avoid the Commander, but I am requesting that you not seek him out."

So, now Tom was standing by the viewport in his robe, staring down at the planet below. It looked so calm and peaceful. He wondered how it held the horror and violence they had seen.

He was shocked out of his reverie, by the door chime.

"Who is it?"

"It's me."

"Chak," Tom said going to the door. "Get in here." He almost pulled the Chakotay inside. "Are you okay?"

He noticed Chakotay was still dressed and it was 22:00.

"I'm fine. Look you were getting ready to go to sleep. I'll go."

"The hell you will. I...just took a shower is all. I wasn't planning on going to bed for hours. What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could...well, if...I can't sleep Tom, and I was wondering if you wanted to go to Sandrine's or something like that."

"Why don't we just stay here?" Tom knew Chakotay no more wanted to go to Sandrine's than he wanted to be back to the planet. "We could play cards or some 3D chess or something like that."

"Yeah, that'd be okay." Soon they settled down on the floor, Tom put some clothes on and they started to play chess. Tom got both of them a glass of wine.

He watched the board and Chakotay.

"It's your move," he urged gently.

"Why do you call me that?"

Tom laughed lightly. "Wanna know the real truth?"

"No, I want you to lie to me, Tom." Chakotay smiled, as he made his move. It was the first time Tom had seen Chakotay's dimples since before Raton had taken them.

"When I was in Auckland," Tom began carefully. He kept his eyes on the chess board as he explained. "They called me Tommy Boy, blue eyes, stuff like that. I still cringe sometimes when I hear it, so I figured it was the same way with you. I wanted to call you something he didn't."

Chakotay nodded slowly. "Thank you."

Tom shrugged and made his move. "How are things with Tuvok?"

"The Captain will be glad to hear I have finally caught up on all of my paperwork and reports." He laughed. Tom joined him. Chakotay was notorious for being behind on reports. Not the important ones, but the obnoxious ones that no one liked to do.

Tom gently reached out and touched the hand Chakotay had on his own knee. "I never had a chance to say...thank you for what you did down there."

Chakotay looked back at the chess board after a moment. Tom could tell he was still trying to deal with it by pretending it hadn't happened.

"Tom, I can't claim it was anything other than duty at first. I felt like it was my place to protect you, if I could."

"Chak, it went past that and we both know it."

The Commander nodded running his thumb over his lips as he appeared to concentrate on the chess board. "Yeah, it did."

The room grew silent.

"Thanks for what you did, Tom. I wouldn't have made it without you down there." The huskiness in his voice betrayed his emotions. Tom refilled their wine glasses and set Chak's down next to him. Perhaps Tom was wrong, maybe he was trying to deal with it.

He watched as Chakotay made his move.

"So how much longer before they put you back on duty?"

"A while yet," Chakotay said. "Tuvok seems to think that being raped for 2 weeks has somehow made it impossible for me to deal with command. What about you?"

"I go through a sim test tomorrow and if I pass, I'm back on duty."

Chakotay watched Tom make his move and smiled.

"You think my move is amusing?" Tom asked defensively.

"No," Chakotay said leaning back, taking a big swallow of wine. "I was remembering your hands."

"My hands?" Tom questioned.

"Just...when you would...take care of me, your hands were always so gentle. I used to watch you when you flew Voyager and..." Chakotay let the sentence die away.

"Ah, come on, Chief. Are you telling me you have a hand fetish?" Tom teased.

Chakotay smiled again, and took another big swallow of wine. Tom noticed the blush and decided it was time to change the subject.

"Have you gotten out at all?"

Chakotay shook his head. Tom moved a little closer to him.

"Chief, no one is gonna look down on you." There was a long moment of silence and Tom had to listen for the emotion laden whisper.

"How can they not? What I did down there? How do you deal with what happened to you in prison?"

The pain in Chak's eyes hurt Tom. He gently reached out and touched the big man's arm.

"Like any pain, it fades with time. I accepted the fact I was forced to do it, but I still wake up some nights screaming."

Chakotay pulled away and stood up abruptly. "I need to go."

"Don't go. Look, I'm sorry." Chakotay was still moving towards the door. In a desperate attempt not to let Chakotay leave. "Computer, security lock Paris, Alpha 7 niner." Chakotay froze and turned around. Tom could see the anger and fear warring in his eyes. "It was the only way I could stop you, Chief. I'm not going to hurt you, but I'm not going to let you run away either."

"Release the door, Tom,"

"I will if you promise to listen to me for a minute."

"Let me go, Tom." Chak was bordering on hysteria.

"Computer release security lock." He watched the Commander disappear down the hall.

He sent a private message to Chak. The override to his door. Then he went to his bed and hoped resting for a few hours would get him through the sim eval. After three hours of staring at the ceiling, and watching the chronometer tick off 180 minutes, Tom got up and asked.

"Computer, location of Commander Chakotay."

"Commander Chakotay is on observation Deck 2." Tom looked back at the chronometer 02:12. He sighed and pulled on some old jeans and a loose t-shirt.

He made his way to Observation Deck 2.

Chakotay was staring out at the stars. He was trying to think, to not think, to forget. He couldn't believe Tom had locked the door. The evening had gone well, they had talked and he had even managed to say thank you. Then when Tom mentioned waking up screaming, it had just been to close to home. Without thought he started to leave and Tom had locked the door.

Oh, Tuvok was going to have a field day with his reaction to that. He had panicked. Just the simple act of a door locking had shaken him down to his very core. Scenes of Raton locking the door before he started. He had felt claustrophobic, terrified and an unmanageable need to flee had risen up in him like a flood. His hands were sweaty, he had broken out into a full sweat, his heartbeat had doubled, and all that had happened was someone locked a door.

Maybe he wasn't capable of command. Maybe he never would be again. When the door opened, Chakotay turned, gave Tom a measuring look and then turned back out the viewport.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have engaged the lock." Tom said quietly approaching his side. "I just didn't want you to run and I figured touching you was even worse."

Chakotay remained silent staring out. How could he explain? Should he explain? He had trusted Tom and Tom had tried to lock him in. He knew better. He knew what that would do.

"How can I help, Commander?"

Chakotay laughed an unpleasant laugh, they were both reminded of when Tom would say this planet side. He spoke without thinking.

"Remind me to sit on one hip."

When he realized what he had said, he was ashamed. Tom Paris didn't deserve his anger, but there didn't seem to be much else inside him right now. He was angry at everyone. Chakotay turned to leave.

"Chak, let me in. I've been there," Tom whispered. "I understand and I don't think you're less of a man."

That felt like someone had just electrified his body. Tom had inadvertently hit him in his most vulnerable area. Chakotay had been used by another man, in the most degrading fashion possible. Had he somehow let the Ape think he wanted it or was that the way Raton really was. How would others react to him. Tom had said he thought Chakotay was a pantywaist. That had taken several hours to track down the meaning of. Tom and his 20th century sayings. Didn't what happened make him even more of one. Chakotay started to walk towards the door, but Tom just wouldn't stop talking.

"I can tell you this. Before we went on that mission, I considered you a superior officer, a reasonably good person who just didn't like me very much. Not that I blame you for that." Chakotay smiled at the self-depreciating humor behind that. What Tom didn't know was Katherine Janeway was not the only person that saw Tom's potential. Chakotay, however, thought that Tom threw his life away. He had since changed his opinion. "But since then, I consider you at least a friend. I think a lot of people would've let him have me instead."

He stopped. Tom had said that at almost the exact same time as he had thought it. They had changed down there, for better or for worse, and Chakotay finally admitted to himself. He liked Tom, but there was so much...if Tom knew he would walk away. For a moment, he weighed his choices and then he looked at his hands and then he confessed. "I thought about it Tom, I really did."

His head bowed under his own guilt. He felt horrible, it was the one secret he had kept through all of this. He almost let Raton have Tom. That first night in the second room. He knew it was Raton and had been fully aware of everything happening. He almost hadn't said 'no'. What type of commanding officer was he? What type of person was he, that he could even consider letting Tom be taken when he knew what would happen to him? But Tom's words were a balm to his heart.

"I think I would've too, if I'd been there. I know I almost set a kid up in Auckland."

"You did?" A fresh breeze blew through Chakotay's heart.

"Yeah, but I couldn't do it to him, just like you couldn't do it to me."

Chak turned around and faced Tom. Now that the floodgates were opened, and he knew he wasn't the only bastard in the universe that had considered such an act, he started to talk. He started to say the things he wouldn't and couldn't tell Tuvok.

"I feel so dirty and ashamed. I've been with men, but I have never, NEVER," Chakotay felt his anger rise, his hands were in fists, "been broken like that. NEVER!"

He turned completely back around. And saw Tom waiting for him to continue; a patient, non-judgmental expression on his face, but it didn't make a dent in Chakotay's anger or shame.

"He made me scream Tom. I screamed, and I...I..."

"Yeah, you did, but there isn't a man alive with a nervous system that wouldn't have Chak."

"I BEGGED!" Chakotay screamed. Then he looked down and realized his proud neck had finally bent. His head was down, his body tense. Tom moved forward and gently touched Chak's arm. That touch was so wonderful. He looked up without a single shield in place and he saw Tom's face soften even more. "I begged." Tears fell down his cheeks. He wiped them away angrily. He hadn't cried in years, but Tom slowly wrapped him up in his arms. Tom stroked and soothed. Chakotay let go.

"It's okay."

Chakotay lowered his head to Tom's shoulder and wrapped those big arms around him. He shuddered. His breathing was hoarse and ragged. Tom just gently rubbed his back.

When he had managed to calm himself, Tom quietly said, "Yeah, and just to let you know. I will never tell a soul. The only thing I will say is that you did everything within your power to save me. Chak, he was out to break you and you won. He might have driven you to what you did, but you never broke."

"Yes, I did." Chakotay said straightening up and pulling away.

"No, you didn't. There's a difference. Breaking would mean that you let him have me, you couldn't deal with it, and you never did. Chak, if he had broken you, he would never have touched you again. And he kept coming back, because we all knew, you never broke."

Chakotay was gently led to Tom's quarters and tucked into his bed. He tried to protest, but Tom shushed him.

"We both sleep better with the other one nearby."

Tom stayed beside him sitting on the bed until Chakotay fell asleep.

Tom stayed with Chakotay until he had to get dressed. He left a padd with a note saying he had to go to his sim eval.

After the eval, which he passed, and after a complete physical, which he passed, he was commed by Tuvok.

"Please report to my quarters, Lieutenant."

"On my way," Tom responded, dreading the dressing down he was about to receive. When he entered Tuvok's quarters, the Vulcan was sitting behind his desk, his fingers steepled as he thought. Tom stood at parade rest, waiting.

"The Commander seemed much calmer today. When I asked him why, he said you two had talked on the Observation Deck last night."

"Uh, yes sir, we did."

"Lieutenant, I believe I requested you stay away from the Commander."

"I did, sir. Commander Chakotay came to my quarters last night, he wanted some company. I did something rather stupid and he left. Later, I asked his location and I apologized to him. We talked for a while."

"And what did you discuss?"

Tom paused for a moment. He wasn't going to give Tuvok any particulars. "We discussed the more human aspect of what had happened, sir."

Tuvok stared at Tom, he was not pleased. "I shall assume you mean the more emotional aspect of the incident."

"You could say that, sir."

Tuvok nodded, and stood up. "I understand the Commander's need to share with someone who would understand what he went through. He seems to be angry at my ability to control emotions."

"I can see why that would upset him." Tom answered rather cocky.

"Thank you, Lieutenant, but I would request that in the future, you let me know when you and the Commander have had one of your talks."

"Yes, sir."

Chakotay sat in his quarters. He had caught up on his reports, cleaned every square inch of his quarters, spent time reviewing various logs during his absence, reviewed several Star Fleet manuals regarding the situation he and Tom were in, tried to meditate and failed, took a hot shower, and anything else he could think of with one exception. He heard Tom had passed his sims. Well, in fact he had checked the logs until the data showed up. His score was higher than his last sims evaluation.

He sent a message to him, congratulating him, but there had been no response.

Chakotay paced his quarters, unable to sit still for long. Then his message light came on and he moved to the computer terminal.

"Commander, we're having a small get together at Sandrine's. Sort of a celebration for Tom going back on duty. It starts at 20:00, if you're interested. B'Elanna."

Chakotay just stood there for a moment. Sandrine's? A party? For Tom? There would be a lot of people there. How would they react to him? Would they ask him questions? Could he do it?

At the gathering for Tom that night, only a few people had showed up really. Harry, B'El, the Captain, the Delaney twins, Sue, a few other pilots. Tom was enjoying himself to some degree or another. It was nice to have the familiar sights and sounds around him. His pool game loosened up quickly. Getting back out among people was nice, but he wanted to check on Chakotay. He and Tuvok had come to a truce. He checked on Chakotay occassionally, and Tuvok didn't reprimand him publicly. He just stared with that disapproving Vulcan look.

He was shooting pool with Harry, joking about Harry's game getting better, when the door opened and the room fell silent. Tom looked around surprised. Usually he was the only one who could produce such an impact by entering a room. He turned and saw Chakotay standing there.

His heart leapt, until he saw the controlled panic in his eyes. Then Tom realized everyone was staring at Chak. Tom immediately put his pool cue down and greeted the Commander loudly. He called for a drink for Chakotay and his eyes pinned both B'Elanna and Harry.

"Chief," B'El called. "Glad you could make it."

Harry smiled a small smile and said, "Good to see you, Commander."

Tom got the drink as people started talking again, and took it to the Commander leading him into the room.

"I'm glad you came."

"I think maybe it was a mistake to come," Chakotay said trying to make their discussion appear business like.

"First time is the hardest, Chak. Just take deep breaths." Tom returned quietly, leaning close to the Commander and giving him a brilliant Paris smile.

Tom sat the Commander safely at the table where he, Harry and B'Elanna were sitting. He made sure the Commander had a wall at his back so no one could walk up and surprise him.

"So, Chakotay. I see you've come out of hiding." That was B'El charge right in where no one else would dare.

Chakotay smiled wrapping his hands around his beer. "My cabin was getting a little close."

"Hey, Tom, your shot," Harry cried. Tom rolled his eyes. He quickly finished the table and let whoever was next take it.

The three sat down and talked. Harry and B'Elanna started talking techs and specs, which made Tom groan in frustration.

"Do you two ever talk about anything else?"

"What would you like us to talk about Tom?" B'elanna asked. "The weather?"

Chakotay smiled at that comment. He gave Tom a sidelong glance.

"I think the weather would be good. You know we really need to talk to the Captain about the humidity on board. She's got it set so low that my hair just crackles when I brush it out in the morning," Tom said with a classic Paris smile and a slight shake of his head, like an old movie queen.

Harry smiled, B'Elanna snorted and Chakotay nodded.

"Not a problem for me, Paris," Chakotay bantered back.

"That's because you have no hair, Commander," Tom expounded with a light smile.

"And the temperature is atrocious, it is at least three degrees to cool in the hallways."

"Three degrees," Harry murmured still smiling. "How can you stand it?"

"Above and beyond that, I think we should get ice cream Sundays. We all get ice cream on the Captain every Sunday night, just to break up the monotony. With real whipped cream, bananas and hot chocolate." Tom was really warming up to his subject, but the snickers from his table mates had him a little confused.

"Ice Cream Sundays, Lieutenant," The distinct voice of the Captain asked. "On my rations?"

B'El smiled victoriously when Tom winced. Harry laughed and Chak just smiled some more.

"Captain, uh, it was just a suggestion," Tom back peddled desperately.

"I thought that might be the situation," She said with that 'not a smile' smile she had perfected. "I will take it under advisement. May I join you?"

"Of course, Captain," Harry said pulling a chair to the table for her.

B'Elanna could not resist taking more jabs at him. "Captain, Tom also thinks we should raise the temperature by three degrees in the hallway and up the humidity levels."

"And how did this most interesting conversation come about?" Janeway asked drinking her wine.

"We decided to talk about the weather instead of specs," Tom said with meaning. She nodded her head in understanding, but turned to Tom.

"Congratulations on passing your sims eval."

"Thank you Captain," Tom said, putting his hands on the table. "It will be good to fly Voyager again." He wiggled his fingers as if making a course correction.

He noticed Chak staring at his hands, and met his eyes when he looked up. The table grew quiet for a moment.

"And Commander, I want to thank you for catching up on your reports. I am now neck deep in padds in my office." There was laughter at the table.

"I'm sorry, I got so far behind on them, Captain."

The conversation flowed for a while, but soon Chakotay made his apologies and left. A few people had come and said hello, and Tom had been very proud of the way Chakotay had handled it. He and Harry sat there later after B'El had left.

"Being a little protective, don't you think?"

"What do you mean, Har?"

"Chakotay," Harry answered staring at his beer mug.

"I didn't think I was that bad," Tom blustered.

"You weren't but I saw it. So did B'El and the Captain."

"I just want to help him. He...Harry do you know what he did for me down there?"

"I read the reports." Harry looked at the door. "I was really surprised he came tonight."

"Me too."

They sat there quietly for a while, and then left. When they separated for their own cabins, Tom considered stopping by Chakotay's and seeing how he was doing. He checked the time - 22:00. No, he knew Chak tended to go to bed early. He passed the Commander's quarters and traveled on to his own.

When Tom got to his quarters, there was a message waiting for him. He scanned it and smiled. He answered it with one word.

"Anytime."

He changed and sat down to review the other pilot's reports, feeling decidedly giddy about getting to fly again. A little while later his door chimed. He set the padd aside and said,

"Come." The door slid open and Tom stood up. "Hi, I'm glad you came tonight."

"Here or Sandrine's?" Chak asked as he came in.

"Both. You want another beer?"

"Yeah, that would be nice." Tom got them both one and they sat down on the couch. Silence reigned for a few moments. They were both getting nervous; but for once, Tom's gift of gab failed him. Finally, Chakotay broke the silence.

"I want you to know Tuvok thinks there something going on between us."

"What?"

"He's always asking if we're spending time together. You know I think he's monitoring my movements."

"Well, he talked to me about it, too." Tom glanced over at Chakotay wondering if he should tell him how Tuvok had gone. Tom sighed as he decided Chak had the right to know. It was his life after all. "In fact, he asked me to stay away from you but..."

"You're kidding." Chakotay was stunned. "I agreed to go to counseling, not having that elf run my life!"

"Elf?" Tom asked unable to let it pass.

"Yeah, Elf. Sticking his nose in my business that way. I can see who I damn well please!" Chak was really getting warped over this.

"Chakotay," Tom soothed. "He's just making sure you aren't getting into something you shouldn't be."

"Like what?! I'm a grown man, capable of taking care of my own affairs, and I will do what I want and see who I want!"

"Chak, he didn't say avoid you, he just said not to approach you."

"And what exactly is the difference, Lieutenant?"

"Whoa, Chakotay. What's wrong?"

"I'm tired of being stared at."

"You haven't been out of your quarters enough to be stared at."

"I'm tired of Tuvok trying to get inside my head. You know he even suggested a mind meld!"

"Okay. I can see why you didn't want that."

Tom was amazed as the stoic Commander lost it. He got up and started to rant and rave. Chakotay went from angry to depressed to down right pissed off. He alternately gestured wildly with his arms, stared out the viewport, and picked up several souvenirs Tom had picked up and handled them as if they were weapons.

"I'm capable of command," Chakotay hissed.

Tom kept his peace and nodded.

"Don't you believe me, Paris?" Chak was holding a sculpture as if it were a weapon, a club.

"Sure," Tom replied gamely. "Right after you finish working some of the anger out." Tom stared pointedly at the sculpture.

Chakotay looked at the figurine and put it down. He started to chuckle, and then laugh. Tom knew he wasn't really laughing, he had seen the pain in his face. He stood up, went to the Commander and put a hand on his back.

"Yeah, maybe just a little bit of anger," Chakotay said, as he set the figurine down and turned to leave.

"Commander..."

"How many times do I have to tell you to use my name?"

Later, he tucked Chak into his bed and laid down on the couch to sleep.

Chakotay spent most of the first part of Alpha shift moving around the ship. He went to his office, and down to the mess hall and hydroponics. He was quite pleased with himself. He tried to pick a time when there weren't many people moving around and he had been right. Even Neelix was pretty preoccupied getting ready for lunch.

He went back to his quarters and began to review the reports he had received from Gamma shift, and managed to keep himself busy until early afternoon and his daily meeting with Tuvok. He set his jaw and made his way to the Vulcan's quarters. They had a few new things to discuss today, and none of them had to do with Raton.

Tom had pulled every string he knew to pull to get off the bridge that day. He had gone to his quarters and began to work on something feverishly. It was a little rough around the edges, but it just might do the trick. It had required he access a few programs already in the computer banks, but it was passable. He smiled and hit his com badge.

Chakotay was sitting in the middle of his quarters when his com badge sounded.

He hadn't made it to his Spirit Guide yet, but he had reached a place of calm.

He blinked as he reached for his shirt. He was really pleased with himself, that was farther than he had made it since...the planet.

"Chakotay."

"Meet me in Holodeck 2," Tom's voice sounded cheerful.

Chakotay sighed heavily. After his little display of temper last night, he was not looking forward to facing Tom. He tried not to think about what a fool he had made of himself the night before.

Twenty minutes later, Chakotay walked through the doors.

"What?" Chakotay all but demanded.

"Hey, what did I do?" Tom asked looking up. Surprise was written all over his face.

Chakotay reigned his temper and embarrassment in. "Nothing. I usually come apart on people," he said with a heavy sigh. Tom didn't deserve his anger, but he did deserve an explanation.

"No big deal," Tom said walking towards him. "Computer protective equipment for Commander Chakotay." It materialized. "Put this on."

"Tom what are you doing?"

"Anger therapy," Tom responded with a smile. He slipped one glove on Chakotay's hand and began to lace it. Chakotay looked confused, how did Tom know he used to box. "I'd volunteer, but I'd like to live." Tom was his usual joking self as he put the other glove on. "See, Chak I used to do this in the brig. When I couldn't deal with the anger and pain anymore, I'd go to the gym and box."

"Did it help?"

"Welterweight Champion." Tom flashed that smile. It warmed Chakotay's heart to see it. "And after I got good, I found it very useful in other situations."

"So, who am I supposed to beat up this way?"

"Well, honestly Chief, I considered Raton, but...I don't think you're ready for that, so I decided on the next person you were probably angry at."

"Tuvok?"

Tom's smile got deeper. "No. Computer materialize opponent." And a holo-Tom appeared. "Just don't get us confused, okay?"

Chakotay started to say something, but Tom slipped the mouth piece in. Chakotay bit down and moved his mouth to settle the piece correctly.

All the while, Tom prattled on. "You can turn up the skill level and you can turn the safety off."

Chakotay looked up at that comment. Tom shrugged somewhat innocently. Tuvok had made certain stipulations regarding Chakotay's use of the holodecks and one of those was, he used that safeguard.

"Technically, Chak. I'm using the holodeck, so...."

Again that smile. Chakotay nodded, appreciating the pilot's ability to circumvent the rules for the first time. He slapped the two boxing gloves together and mumbled.

"Let's go."

About an hour later, Chak stood while the real Tom tended an injury over his eye. He felt good. He was sweaty, tired, bruised and every single bit of it felt good. He felt alive, and he had managed to take 'Tom' down in the last round. He hadn't stayed there, but he had taken him off his feet.

"Had enough yet?" Tom asked.

"No way! You're fast Paris, really fast."

"Okay," Tom said stepping back.

Chakotay moved towards the center of the ring, ready to take him down for the count this time.

"Boxing, Lieutenant?" Tuvok demanded. "You had the Commander beating up an image of you for therapy?"

Once more, Tom was standing in front of Tuvok's desk at parade rest. This was getting old, quick.

"It seemed like a good idea to me. You said he needed to deal with his emotions. What better way to vent anger and frustration than to beat up the guy who saw him tortured."

Tom wasn't foolish enough to think Tuvok was going to buy that excuse but he didn't really care. He was practicing his own psychology - Paris style. He knew what he was doing, and there wasn't a force in the Delta Quadrant that could stop him. With the exception of the Captain, he conceded, but even that would be a fight.

"I would appreciate it, Lieutenant if you would leave the counseling to me. In fact, Lieutenant, I would appreciate it if you would stay away from Commander Chakotay until further notice."

"Is that an order?"

Tom couldn't believe Tuvok would go that far. He knew Chakotay was chafing under the man's control, and he was getting pretty upset with it himself. He was not going to leave Chakotay alone, as long as Chak didn't mind. Now, if he told Tom to go away, he would, but he had made no such statement. In fact, he appeared to enjoy his time with Tom.

The boxing match had been a success, so to speak. It was a good thing Tom had brought a regenerator with him. He had programmed himself to have a really wicked left, which he didn't know Chak had a weakness for, but no massive trauma was inflicted. The broken nose was quickly dealt with.

"It can be made into one," Tuvok said with that eyebrow going up.

"Look, Commander. If there's anyone on this ship that knows what Chakotay is going through...it's me. And if you make it an order, I will go to the Captain over it. I'm one of the few people not treating Chak as if he were made of glass."

"That is bordering on insubordination, Lieutenant," Tuvok stated standing up.

"You know what? I think you're right," Tom replied with the barest hint of a threat in his voice. "Am I dismissed, sir?"

"Yes," Tuvok replied. Tom turned smartly and left Tuvok standing in the middle of his quarters.

Another week passed and the trial was going to begin soon. One evening Tom was sitting in the mess hall with Harry and B'Elanna. They were just talking over what Neelix called coffee. However, except for the dark color, it didn't even come close. They were talking about what Voyager had done to find him and Chakotay and it was helping Tom deal with his anger at Janeway.

As the doors slipped open, Tom looked up to see Chakotay come in. He drew a breath to call, but Chak stopped just inside the door, scanned the room and their eyes met. Oh shit, Tom thought, what got him riled. Chakotay made a beeline for Tom.

"I need to talk to you now," Chakotay stressed the last word. He took Tom's arm and practically dragged him from the room. B'Elanna watched as if it were the most normal thing to happen. Harry finally remembered to close his mouth and steady the chair Tom was all but pulled out of.

"I'll catch up with you two later," Tom called, as he was forcibly escorted from the mess hall. He altered his gate as they walked down the hall to match Chakotay's determined stride. When the coast was clear, Tom pulled away from Chakotay.

"Okay, muscle man. What's up?"

"Two things and I need your help with both of them."

"If I can help, you know I will."

"The Captain has gotten Kartock to approve my testimony by remote, but will you be there? You're supposed to testify first, to sort of set the scene. It means you'll have to transport back rather quickly."

"Yeah, sure." They walked for a while, until he finally asked, "And the second thing."

"Go find Vorick...it's time to kill Tuvok," Chakotay responded darkly.

Tom started laughing, not that he hadn't entertained the idea once or twice himself, but to hear Chak making threats like that was great. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the bulkhead, after a surreptitious glance down the hallway in both directions to make sure they were alone.

"What did he do this time?" This had to be good.

"Ordered me to stay away from you," Chakotay hissed. "He's not my keeper."

"He tried the same thing with me, and I threatened to go to the Captain."

"I did go to the Captain," Chakotay announced. "I told her I had had enough of his Vulcan control and meditation. That I was doing fine and wanted to start talking to the EMH. Me and my Spirit Guide were not subject to Tuvok's interference and neither were you and I."

"What about your Spirit Guide?"

Chakotay took a deep breath as they entered the observation lounge. Tom held up a finger. In that moment, he realized that Chakotay had said 'you and I' as well. That was interesting.

"Engage Privacy Lock and sound dampeners," Tom ordered.

Chakotay nodded. "Today, he suggested I try to go on a Spirit Walk, and I agreed. Although I didn't think I would be too successful since I usually do it in my cabin, and nak..." Chakotay paused for a moment and Tom was decent enough not to mention the blush that crept up Chak's face. "Anyway, I finally reached a place of peace and where I would usually meet my Spirit Guide and I will be damned if that Vulcan didn't try to enter it!" Chakotay fumed.

Now Tom didn't know much about meditation or Spirit walks, but he suspected this was like finding someone in the closet after you had sex with someone else. He stayed quiet for a moment.

"Can you believe that?" Chakotay demanded. "He tried to get into my head again. I was furious. I told him to get out of my office and that our counseling sessions were over."

After a few days with the Doctor, Chakotay had been cleared for light bridge duty. Chakotay was thrilled, it was the one thing Tuvok had almost held out as some sort of carrot. He was set to return to duty the next morning.

When he had showered, Chakotay had almost made a ceremony about putting his uniform on. The familiar red and black clothing laid out on the bed, with boots on the floor. He slowly donned each piece with a final check in the mirror before he left his quarters. He didn't know why it was so important to him, but it was. And it felt good. He walked to the turbolift with his head held high. He was capable of command.

When he stepped onto the Bridge, everyone turned. Tom smiled encouragingly, Harry had nodded and B'El gave him a look that was quiet pride and welcome.

Tuvok just stared, but at that particular moment, Chakotay didn't care.

"Welcome back, Commander," the Captain said with a slight smile.

"It's good to be back," he said walking to his chair.

Everyone turned back to whatever it was they were doing. Chakotay caught the wink from Tom before he turned back to the view screen.

Katherine took the opportunity, a few minutes later, to give the bridge to him and went to her ready room. He sat back apparently comfortably in his chair. He wouldn't admit to anyone that he was really just a little nervous sitting there, but he reviewed his console, and carried on as if his hands weren't damp with sweat.

At the end of the shift, Chakotay was pretty proud of himself. True, they were only in standard orbit around a planet, but he had been able to handle everything.

It was a small step to everyone else, but to him. He had to face people he didn't usually see, he had to handle information and route it correctly and more importantly, he had to give orders. He had to face Tuvok and give him orders.

That had been a tense moment, but Tuvok had raised that eyebrow and then nodded.

Chakotay even got to reprimand Harry and Tom lightly for whatever it was they had been doing. He suspected they were sending messages back and forth to each other, but he called them for snickering on the bridge. Tom's response was anything but repentant.

One day they were meeting with Kartock. Chakotay stood facing his viewport in his office, as Kartock reviewed paperwork, and Tom kicked back on the small sofa.

"Commander, are you sure you won't testify before the Court. It would make more of an impact if you could."

"I can barely do it in my own office! What makes you think I can do it in front of people I don't know?" Chakotay asked turning from the viewport. "It's Raton being in the room with me. That stupid little smile he'll give me that said he won." He turned back. "I think I would either try to kill him or clam up."

"I have an idea," Tom said with some authority. "Counselor, give me a few hours. I think I might be able to help a little." And with that Tom was out the door of Chakotay's office.

Several hours later, Chakotay's comm badge sounded.

"Paris to Chakotay."

"Chak, go ahead Tom."

"Come to Holodeck 2."

"Why?"

But the link was already shut off. He sighed heavily and went down to face whatever Tom had devised this time.

Chakotay walked in the door and jumped. Raton stood in front of him, it took a moment before Chakotay realized it was a holoperson. Tom moved into view.

"Shit!" Chakotay fussed, his hand going to his chest, feeling his heart pound against his ribs. "Are you trying to scare me into an early grave?"

"Computer, complete holo-scene," Tom said calmly and a courtroom appeared. Raton took his seat at the table. "Begin simulation."

"Commander Chakotay, will you take your seat on the stand?" Kartock asked gently.

"A little warning would have been nice, Paris," Chakotay growled as he straightened his clothes and moved to the chair. The questioning began.

"Pause sequence!" Chakotay called. He left the witness stand. "Delete Raton character." He looked at Tom as Raton disappeared. "I can't do this, Tom. I know he isn't real and I still can't deal with him."

Tom came up and stroked Chak's arm. Chakotay felt the much needed warmth and contact.

"You were ready to run when you first saw him. Now he upsets you. The longer you face him here. The easier it will be down there."

Chakotay took Tom in his arms and held him.

"Do you know how much this hurts. How much it strips me?"

"Yes, I do, Chak. I do." Tom returned the hug. They stood there for a few moments, until Chakotay felt like he could face the Ape again. He moved away and sat back in the witness chair and restarted the simulation.

Two days later, they were on the planet surface. Kartock tore his eyes away from the pacing Commander and looked at Tom Paris. Tom wasn't anymore reassured by Chakotay's actions than Kartock, but Chak insisted he could do it and Tom was not going to take the chance away from him. He knew how important it could be to face his enemy, and stare straight in his eye.

"Will he be able to do this?"

"I think so. Give him a few minutes once he is on the stand to acclimate himself."

"Do you realize what it will do to my case if he loses control?"

"Your case? How about his life! Look, you wanted him down here. He says he can do it, and I agree with him. Make your choice, Counselor. Let him testify by remote and lose the impact or give him a chance!"

Kartock nodded slowly. "I guess, I don't have any choice."

Tom testified, bantering words with Raton's counsel. It was almost fun and he made it as graphic and real to the people in that courtroom as he could. Making Raton look like the sorry stinking son of a bitch he really was, gave Tom a sense of pleasure. Not as much as strangling the bastard would have, but close enough.

Then the defense tried to make it look like that was something Chakotay liked. That Chakotay approached Raton for it. Tom sneered at the counselor, counterattacking, making the man step back at Tom's returned accusations. This was something he could do. He was a master at the art of oral manipulation and used his skills to the utmost.

"No, Sir," Tom said. His voice was firm and steady. "We were taken by that man. He used the Commander's sense of duty against him. He made the Commander submit to his demented sense of manhood. He obviously believes that raping and destroying is a sign of strength. Raton is a sick, twisted, egomaniac who..."

"OBJECTION!"

"Should be put away for the rest of his life..."

"Your Honor!!!"

"In the meanest, most deprived environment you can think of!"

"Lieutenant!" The Judge yelled.

Tom was standing up. He was staring at Raton, his face flushed, his eyes dancing in anger, breathing heavily. Raton just stared at him and Tom wanted to leap over the stand and beat him to a bloody, unrecognizable lump of agony!

"I know several places he could get what he deserves. Deep space comes to mind with only a limited life support," Tom whispered as his head swiveled to the Judge.

"Lieutenant."

"Very little oxygen and let him writhe as he breathes his own foul air," Tom continued in a low growl. His breathing was settling down. Then he met the judge's eyes and slowly sat back down, glaring anger and hatred at Raton.

"One more outburst like that, Lieutenant, and I will have you removed from this court."

Tom was excused pretty quickly after that and a recess was called. He met Chakotay in the hall. He had to see how the big man was doing. Chakotay had his hands clasped, rubbing them together. Tom touched his arm, and looked into Chakotay's face. He had to warn him about what the prosecution was going to try to do.

"They're gonna try to grill you and make it look like it was something you wanted. Raton is doing the smiling thing, but you can do this Chak," Tom coached gently. "Just keep your mind on the attorney. I'll be there for you."

Chakotay was pale, his hands were clammy and his eyes darting.

"He can't hurt you, Chak. You can do this."

"You're right. I have to do this."

Tom nodded in agreement.

"Are you ready, Commander?" Kartock asked from a few feet away.

Chakotay looked at the counselor and then straightened his uniform and nodded.

"Yes."

When court was back in session, Tom twisted for Chakotay as he was forced to retell what he had been through. He hurt as the Commander had to relive the pain and torment, both mental and physical. He wanted to kill Raton when the defense accused Chakotay of wanting it. Tom would remember the look on Chakotay's face when the attorney for Raton stood up and said,

"Come, Commander. Isn't it true you like your sex rough. That the Lieutenant is really your lover and you didn't want to share him with Raton."

"No," Chakotay stumbled, pale.

"Wasn't it the Lieutenant that cared for you when you were brought back, even to the point of taking care of your sexual excitement?"

Tom wanted to scream when Chakotay lowered his head, "Yes, he did."

"So you were involved with the Lieutenant?"

"No, not that way. Tom was...I never asked him to do that."

"Oh, are you and the Lieutenant so close that he would be comfortable doing that rather intimate act for you. I find it hard to believe that another man would just volunteer to do that out of respect for a superior officer."

Chakotay looked up and met Tom's eyes. They saw a story in each other's eyes. Then Chakotay looked away from him, at the back wall. His face was unreadable.

"Commander? Do you have an answer for me? Why did you continue to shield the Lieutenant from Raton. If it was that bad, why not let Raton have him to save yourself these degradations. Or was I right? Do you like your sex rough?"

That was when the explosion sounded and rocked the room. People started screaming and running in every direction. Chakotay stood up, looking around as the lights flickered on and off and dust filtered into the air. People were pouring in through the doors, wearing the red sashes that he remembered the guards wearing when Raton had them. Fights were breaking out everywhere, screams as people tried to get away. Guards came rushing in to meet the attack. Tom was in the middle of it, facing two guards bare fisted.

Chakotay moved to join Tom, until he caught sight of movement. He looked up just in time to see Raton launch himself. Chakotay caught him and both men tumbled over the railing around the witness stand and crash heavily to the floor.

They scuffled on the floor, but Chak knew he was in trouble. Raton started to beat him. Chakotay tried to twist loose, but he and his arms were pinned by the man's bulk. Memory after memory flashed through his mind of the beatings he had taken and what had followed them. A moment later, when the blows stopped, Chakotay looked up at Raton grinning down at him. The Ape took a device from his pocket,

"You are mine now, Chakotay. They won't find you this time." Raton flipped a switch. "Flakar," He began.

Tom couldn't believe it when he realized what was going on. They were trying to free Raton during his trial. How bold! He noted Kartock sneaking out the nearest exit and snorted his disdain, as he turned to face the incoming horde. He was facing two of the smaller men, although small for these guys was over six feet tall. It took him a moment, but finally, with a well placed knee to one of their groins, he finished with them.

He turned to see Raton's people disappearing. They all had cylindrical devices in their hands and realized they must be communicators. He quickly sought out the witness stand. Chak was on the ground and Raton held a communicator in his hand. He picked up the nearest piece of wreckage he could find. A large piece of wooden railing.

He moved up behind Raton as quietly and quickly as he could. Remembering the times Raton made Chakotay scream, the times he humiliated the him, the times the Chakotay lay in his arms, helpless after what that monster had done to him.

Something inside Tom went snap as he lifted the piece of railing over his head and swung like he was the star hitter in the World Series.

Chakotay kept his face the same as it was, trying desperately not to look at the person coming up behind him.

"Tr -," Raton began.

Tom smashed a large piece of wood upside Raton's head. The device in the Ape's hand skittered across the polished floor. Chakotay rolled away, and slowly began to make his way to his feet. He was still frightened, but he became more so as he watched Tom.

"Not again, you sorry! scum sucking! low down! dirty rotten! son of a bitch!" Tom screamed hitting Raton, emphasizing each word with a blow.

Chakotay moved quickly and grabbed the pilot's arm.

"Let me kill him, Chak. Let me kill him for what he did to you."

Chakotay looked into those eyes and saw such anger, such pain. Tom was hurting for him, he was hurting because Chakotay had had to face him. He gently squeezed Tom's arm, drawing the pilot away from the helpless man.

"No," Chakotay responded calmly. He had seen something in those few minutes. Something it would probably take a long time and several meetings with his Spirit Guide to figure out completely. "Violence only breeds violence, Tom. I won't let you sink to his level."

"Voyager to Commander Chakotay," Tuvok's voice sounded.

"Chakotay here."

"We picked up an explosion in your vicinity. Are you and Lieutenant Paris alright?"

Chakotay took the piece of railing from Tom's hand and threw it aside. He looked down at the beaten form at his feet. Guards were coming and Raton was once more being taken into custody. Once more he met the blue eyes, full of anger. He sighed heavily.

"We're alright, Tuvok. Beam us up."

When they materialized on Voyager a few moments later, Chakotay turned and left the transporter room leaving a very confused Tom Paris standing on the pad.

He went to his quarters, changed and then he tried to meditate. He sat quietly for many hours in the middle of his room. He finally emerged from his trance and looked around his quarters. His guide had met with him and shared many things with him. Slowly he moved to the bathroom and took a long shower. He needed to think.

He set his terminal to take messages, and commed the Captain and told her he would be unavailable for several hours, to the point of ignoring his comm badge. She said that would be fine, but that he not ignore a red-alert. She also informed him that Kartock had been exiled to a penal island on the planet. One that was shielded to transporters, a transceiver implanted on his body, that would incapacitate him until he was returned to the island with food airlifted in once a month. It was their highest security 'prison'.

"Thank you for letting me know, Captain." Although Chakotay felt no joy or even relief from his punishment. No, the feral look in Tom's eyes as he beat Raton had shaken him. He turned to his viewport and thought.

"Doc, I don't understand," Tom said to the EMH.

"Lieutenant, I cannot discuss this matter with you further. As you know, I am counseling Commander Chakotay and even attempting to discuss this matter with you would appear inappropriate."

"What do you think, Harry?" Tom asked his best friend in Sandrine's. "Why?"

"Maybe you need to ask the Commander," Harry said gesturing with his head.

Chakotay had come in and taken a seat by himself.

"He looks like he could use a friend."

With that Harry touched Tom's shoulder and left Sandrine's. Tom sighed loudly. He picked up his drink and walked over to *the Commander*. He almost smiled to himself if it hadn't been so sad. He was the Commander again, not Chak, not even Chakotay. Since they had beamed up, Chakotay was back at work full time, and they hadn't really even seen each other after shift anymore. Tom had felt himself go pale when Chakotay had called him Lieutenant. He knew he couldn't talk to Chakotay about it on the bridge, and Chak seemed to be quite capable of avoiding the subject off shift.

"Mind if I join you?" Tom asked without waiting for the man's denial. Chakotay stared into his glass. They sat there silently for a few minutes.

"Why?" Tom asked. "Why'd you turn your back on me?"

"Turned my back on you?" Chakotay laughed. "I didn't turn my back on you."

"Then what do you call it?" Tom asked. "I was with you through all of this and when the trial is over, you start calling me Lieutenant Paris again."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said still staring into his glass. "I just didn't think..." Tom waited for him to finish, but when he didn't and started to leave. He covered his hand forcefully.

"Don't run on me now Chak. Don't shut me out. I deserve an explanation."

"Let me go, Tom. Anything we had was based on what Raton did to me, and I will not live through that for the rest of my life."

"Oh, so because I happened to be the one stuck down there with you I am now summarily shoved out of your life?" Tom asked, standing up.

"Did you see what you were doing? You were ready to beat his skull in, Tom. That isn't the Tom Paris I know. A month ago you wouldn't have done that."

"A month ago, you hadn't been tortured by the fucker either!"

"See?" Chakotay shifted in his chair. "What we have is based on Raton, what happened to me. It's better this way. You can go back to your life. I really appreciate you being there for me, Tom. I really do."

"I don't think so, Chak. I won't let you shove me out like that. Whether you want to believe it or not, I ca..."

"Don't!"

"What? Don't admit that I care for you now." Tom said, moving around the table to stand in front of him. Tom lowered his voice so no one but Chakotay could hear him. "Admit I still want to spend time with you. Admit that maybe I feel a whole bunch more for you now than I did before all this started."

"You don't, don't you understand? You think you feel something for me because of what you did for me, because of what we went through, because you had to care for me. What you did to Raton only proves that."

"Raton deserved a whole bunch more than what I did! I would have done that to anyone who had treated any member of this crew that way. What I want to know, is what happened to us. We had something, Chak."

"Based on two weeks of torture."

Suddenly Tom understood what Chakotay was thinking. "You think it's pity? Sympathy?" Tom moved very close to Chakotay and whispered. "Wrong, Chak, very wrong. If it had just been that, I wouldn't have been here for you since we got out."

They looked around and noticed they were gathering attention. Tom looked back at Chakotay and saw his head was down. He berated himself for a fool and once more lowered his voice.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause a scene." Tom looked around for a minute. "Can we talk somewhere else?"

"I really don't see where we have much to talk about."

"You stubborn, mule-headed...nature boy," Tom growled. Then he had an idea. Oh, Chak, was going to go through the roof with this one. He relaxed and smiled jauntily. "I'll make you a deal, Commander. You come and talk with me or I am going to kiss you right here, right now, until your tattoo melts off your face? And then you can tell me you don't care."

To try to categorize the Commander's expression as shocked, would be like saying that Voyager was a little off course when she arrived at the array.

"You wouldn't."

"You think so?" Tom baited, crossing his arms with his best smile in place. "Your call, Chak. Do you think I'll do it or not. Feeling lucky?" Tom continued to smile a smile that was nothing short of a taunt. He took a step forward.

"My quarters," Chakotay ordered as he took in the crowd of people still watching them. Tom noticed with some glee that Chak just about slammed his beer mug on the bar as they walked by. He followed the very angry Commander until they reached the turbolift.

As soon as the doors closed, Chak rounded angrily on the Lieutenant.

"You are bordering on insubordination."

"I think it was more along the lines of threatening a senior officer," Tom laughed. His eyes sparkled merrily, as he saw Chakotay fume.

"Tom, why are you doing this? I mean both Tuvok and the EMH said it was the victim syndrome. You think you love me because you took care of me and I care for you because you took care of me."

"Yeah, Chak. I know all about it. In fact I even read up on the subject," Tom answered as the lift stopped and they got out. They continued down the nearly deserted corridor. "However, I survived through it after the shuttle accident that got me busted out of Star Fleet. It isn't the same. Perhaps you would like to try the Nightingale Complex, falling in love with the person that nurses you back to health? Nope, I wouldn't love you then. Care to run through a few more? See Chak, I thought it might be that too, but I feel more now than I did there. There was survival, when we first got back it was to get you through the trial and back on your feet. Now I just want to be with you and spend some time with you."

Chak punched in the code to his room and they went in. Neither man sat down in fact, they faced each other arms crossed.

"What about me, Tom. Maybe I don't want to spend time with you."

"Is that it Chak, was it just cause I was taking care of you. You don't want me around. My presence hurts you?"

Chakotay turned away and went to the viewport. Tom waited patiently. He wanted Chak to deny it, or he wanted Chak to say he loved him, because Tom realized he loved Chak.

"I don't want to make a mistake about this, Tom," Chakotay said quietly. "After Raton and Seska and some other relationships I've had. I'm tired of being used."

"Commander..."

"Chak."

"Chak," Tom said quietly, moving to him. "I don't want to use you. Shit, I've been used and I don't want to do that to you." He put his hand slowly on the muscular arm. "I want to find out if we have something."

"But what if this is based on...Raton?"

"What if it isn't. What if it took that situation for us, calm, mild mannered men that we are, to admit we cared for each other."

He caught Chakotay's smile in the reflection of the view point. Tom moved completely behind Chakotay and put both hands on his arms. Their eyes met in the reflection and Tom wanted nothing more than to kiss the Commander.

"To come out from behind the hurt we've been through?"

Slowly, he turned Chakotay.

"To care for someone else again."

"Tom," Chakotay whispered.

A hand touched the side of his face and Tom Paris turned and gently kissed the palm. Then the warmth as those big fingers combed through his hair.

"How lucky you feeling tonight, Chak?" He looked into the dark eyes, and welcomed Chak as he lowered his head and kissed him.

Chakotay had been determined to avoid Tom Paris. When he had gone into Sandrine's, but he figured turning around and leaving would have been a red flag to him, so he quietly slipped in took a seat.

He watched Tom from the table, reviewing his decision. He had completely cut Tom off, never giving them the opportunity to be alone. It was a little sneaky on his part, but he knew Tom would not bring the subject up if they weren't alone.

He had come to grips with what had happened to him, but he couldn't come to grips with what had happened to Tom. Tom wasn't a violent person, but he had been on the verge of caving Raton's head in. That was not Tom. That would not be Tom if Chakotay had anything to do with it.

He took a long swallow of beer. It had hurt him to turn away from Tom, but he had discussed it with the EMH. There were several different complexes, syndromes and orders that could explain Tom's sudden change in behavior. Chakotay knew he cared deeply for Tom, and not just for what he had done. He had been impressed with how Tom had acted on the planet.

Chakotay still woke up with nightmares some nights, most nights, but he was back on the bridge. The EMH said he was recovering within parameters set forth by Star Fleet manuals. Chakotay smiled wryly, he was glad he was normal for a rape victim. He wondered how he would deal with his first emergency, but the EMH said he would probably deal with it well. Chakotay was content, but in his heart of hearts, he missed Tom.

Then when Tom had come up to him in Sandrine's, Chakotay figured he could run Tom off. Fat chance. That man was more tenacious than a Targ on a blood scent. The threat to kiss him scared him and angered him. The one kiss they had shared on the planet was a vivid memory, and to be honest, Chakotay wasn't sure he could resist. He sure as hell didn't want to do it in the middle of Sandrine's.

Then the way Tom had baited him. Oh, he could have hit him. Couldn't the man just accept no. Even if he didn't know it was for his own good, he should be willing to respect another person's boundaries.

When he pointed out why it wasn't the excuse Chakotay was happily hiding behind, Chakotay started to flounder. He had to keep his distance or it was going to be just like before. Him hiding behind Tom, and ending up hurt when Tom got sick of it. Him, Chakotay, hiding behind Tom, that's what he had been doing.

Then Tom had dared him to say it, to claim he didn't care about Tom. He couldn't say the words. He had wanted to, for Tom's sake, for his sake, they couldn't have a relationship based on this. He had thrown out another excuse - being used. His head was pounding, he wanted this to stop - he wanted Tom to leave.

Then what his Spirit Guide had shown him surfaced. A wolf with an injured leg. The wolf had been seriously hurt, the wound was deep and infected, but the Wolf was too weak and feverish to deal with it. The wolf's mate had come and offered the injured one food, and had cleaned the wound gently. And although the injured wolf whimpered and snapped at its mate, the second wolf continued to care for its mate until it was healthy and could care for it himself.

When Tom referred to them as quiet and mild-mannered men, it had come home to Chakotay. Tom had been licking his wounds and caring for him until he was healthy enough to do it himself. He wasn't hiding behind Tom, Tom was standing out in front, protecting him. It would get settled. He turned back to Tom and took in Tom's beauty. Yes, Tom was beautiful, the one thing he and Raton could agree on. He leaned into Tom.

The kiss was tentative, gentle, almost chaste. Tom didn't push, he was going to let Chak move at his own speed. He touched a hand to the dark face as the Chak's hand moved to the back of his head and cradled it.

Chak's tongue gently touched Tom's lips and he gladly responded to him. Soon they were entwined in each other's arms, touching, rubbing holding each other.

"Oh, Spirits, Tom," Chakotay whispered as he pulled him fully against him.

"It's okay, Chak. I want it too." Tom answered as he pushed Commander's shirt out of the way, gently pulling it from the waistband of his pants. Chakotay released Tom with one arm as he slid the shirt off his shoulders. Then the other one followed. Tom's hands explored the muscled back, trailing fingers, eliciting small groans and starts from the Chakotay. Tom relished the feeling as both of the Commander's hands touched his face. One threading into his hair, the other along his cheek.

Tom felt Chakotay's erection rubbing against his own. Tom groaned and pushed back, glad that he was not alone in his desire for the other. One of Chakotay's hands left his face, took full possession of Tom's ass and ground himself against it.

Tom arched to the sensation and Chakotay bit at his neck and shoulders, but suddenly, much to Tom's surprise, Chakotay pulled away, breathing heavily. In fact, Chak turned around and started to walk away.

"Chak?"

"I can't Tom. I just can't."

"Why not?"

"When I bit at your shoulder blade like that. It was there, that stupid Ape going after the bite on my shoulder."

Tom took several deep breaths. Okay, he'd been here too. He understood flashbacks. He watched the Commander stare out the viewport.

"Chak, it's gonna happen, but what you were doing to me, was not what he did to you."

"Don't you understand, I can't do this. It's too soon."

"Okay, fine. It's too soon, but I'm not letting you run," Tom said. He retrieved Chakotay's shirt and handed it to him. Chak quickly slid it on. "How about a glass of wine, Chief?"

Chakotay was still staring out the viewport. "Yeah, I guess so."

Tom handed it to him and slowly he coaxed Chakotay away from the viewport to sitting on the other end of the couch from him.

"I'm sorry I teased you," Chakotay said quietly.

"Don't worry, I'll be sure it's spread all over the gossip chain tomorrow. That you righteously threw me out of your cabin for making lewd and lascivious advances on your poor, innocent frame," Tom quipped.

"Well, the Fleeter's may buy that, but not the Maquis."

Tom smiled a knowing smile. Chakotay smiled back, but it faded as Chakotay lowered his head.

"Why are you even trying, Paris? You could have just about anyone on this ship that you wanted, and you come after me. Why?"

"As if you couldn't," Tom snorted. "Because I have never woken up, after making a royal mess of myself, with anyone's name on my lips before, Chak." Tom met the Commander's shocked stare. "Okay, I did do that with Louise, but not lately."

"Your first girlfriend?" Chakotay asked.

"Yeah," Tom said dismissingly. Then he looked up. "You were really listening to me?"

"Didn't have much else to do. I'm not sure I got it all, but I think I caught most of it." Chakotay continued to stare into his wine glass. "Tom, you did everything I needed you to do. You were really raped in prison, weren't you?"

"Yeah," Tom said exhaling. "It started almost as soon as I got locked down. I fought at first, but I found out that Starfleet needs to add a course in hand-to-hand combat." Tom paused just for effect. "How to fight dirty with your ass glued in a corner." He smiled at the Commander.

Chakotay looked up, and saw the smile. He started shaking his head and then smiled. "How can you joke about this?"

"Same way I can joke about having a system's failure on a shuttle craft. It helps me deal with the pain. See Chak, I am not the silver spooned, Starfleet protegé everyone thinks I am."

"You are the great Admiral Paris' son, how could you not be?"

"The Great Admiral Paris, had one hell of a temper and beat the crap out of his son on a regular basis. I had to be tougher, smarter and better than anyone else. When I was twelve Chak, I was talking to a Vulcan Diplomat at one of my Dad's parties, and I mispronounced a word. The Vulcan, who was it, hell I can't remember, anyway, they pointed it out and taught me the correct pronunciation. My father unfortunately heard the exchange. After everyone went home, I was punished for it. I had made a mistake, embarrassed him."

"He punished for mispronouncing something in Vulcan? I have a hard time understanding Vulcan."

Tom nodded. "It was my fourth language, not counting, Standard and English."

"So what, he took away your vid privileges?"

Tom's eyes took on a guarded quality, but then he answered. "No, he beat me with a belt for it."

Chakotay's head swiveled. "For mispronouncing a word?"

Tom nodded. "See Chak, you have to understand, I was his last chance. The really interesting thing was, the entire conversation was in Vulcan." Tom smiled the smile that said he was hiding something big time. "I had to be perfect Chak."

"He beat you with a belt?"

"He beat me with a lot of stuff." Tom said. "When I got to prison, well, it made the beatings a little easier to deal with, but still it happened. I spent a lot of time in the infirmary the first couple weeks." Tom sighed. "Then I started learning to fight, and slowly things got better, but it never really stopped."

"You make what I went through seem - trivial."

"No, it's never trivial. I wouldn't even begin to say what you went through was trivial, because Chak, it was never directed as personally at me as what you went through with Raton. He was after you. In fact, I really think if it had been someone else beaming down, he wouldn't have touched us."

"Are you trying to make me feel better?"

"No, I'm being honest. You said you wanted me to tell you the truth, Chak."

"So tell me the truth Tom, what do you want to do tonight?"

"I'll do whatever you are comfortable with." Blue eyes met brown.

"Anything?"

Tom nodded. Chakotay looked embarrassed for a moment.

"Would you stay?"

"I told you I wouldn't let you run. If you need me here, I'll stay."

"No, Tom. I mean would you stay here tonight," Chakotay asked. His head gesturing towards the bedroom. Tom weighed that in his mind for a moment.

"Sure, I can do the couch. You still having nightmares?" Better to give Chak the way out, like he wasn't being pressured into sleeping with him. Tom could wait - for a while, but sleeping with Chak, that would up the ante considerably.

"Every night, but the two nights you stayed with me," Chakotay responded. "but would you hold me tonight. Just to have you with me. I'd like that."

Tom looked at his wine, and then turned to face Chakotay. "Is that an order?" His smile was brilliant.

"I can make it one. Are you gonna go running to the Captain?" Chakotay teased back.

"I doubt it."

A week later, Chakotay was reclining on Tom Paris' couch, with Tom between him and the arm of the couch. He had a glass of wine in his hand and felt very relaxed.

He and Tom had spent almost every evening together for the last week, and surprisingly enough, Tom had acted like a perfect gentleman. Although Chakotay could tell he was feeling the strain. He smiled somewhat evilly to himself, tonight would be the night, if it killed them both.

Chakotay leaned against the younger man. Using his body weight to pin him against the arm of the couch.

"What are you doing?"

"For once, I am instigating something, Lieutenant," Chakotay replied, sipping his wine.

"And that would be?" Tom asked stroking Chakotay's arm. Chakotay reached out and caught Tom's wrist and the gently kissed the palm of his hand.

"Hopefully, the rest of our lives together."

"You wanna ask me first, Cochise?" Tom said the smile on his face evident in his tone.

"No, it's an order," Chakotay responded. He turned his head and kissed Paris.

Tom pulled back, and looked into Chakotay's eyes. "Why didn't you let me kill him?"

"You would have regretted it. It would have caused problems, with the Captain, with Kartock."

"And..."

"I think that's what he wanted. That's why he tried to take me. He knew you would go nuts." Chakotay sat up. "I figured a few things out while I was being questioned and during the attack. Raton liked forcing people to do things they wouldn't usually do. It's hard to explain. He used my sense of duty so I would protect you and then he turned it into something completely different. When he brought you into it, he used the fact you were worried about me to make you do something you wouldn't have done. He took his own trial and turned it into an attempt to try us and humiliate his brother. Don't think I don't want him dead, Tom. I do, but I know he changed me. I will never be the same person I was. I know he changed Kartock. He won't ever be the same, either. But you, Tom, he only made one change in you, and I won't let him hurt you the way he did me."

"And that was?"

"He made you willing to care about me," Chak said very quietly.

"What?!" Tom said trying to sit up. "Chak, that is about the most egotistical statement I have ever heard out of your mouth. And just for the record, I have heard a few."

"I'm sure you have," Chakotay smiled. He sighed. "He also made a change in me Tom, a good change." He looked deep into the blue eyes. "He made me see Tom Paris. Not hot shot pilot, not Star Fleet flunky, not drunk Maquis pilot, not silver spooned brat. Tom Paris. And you know what Tom...I was wrong about you."

"Get a grip, Chak," Tom said disdainfully.

"To late, Fly Boy. I saw it." He leaned in again. "And I won't forget it soon."

"Better not forget it at all. Because, I can guarantee if you had been Dalby, boy would you have suffered."

Tom and Chak both started laughing. Tom leaned over and kissed Chak.

"So, Commander, do we have a chance?"

"I think we do, Lieutenant."

He leaned over and kissed Tom. The heat was there, the desire was there, and the fear wasn't. He leaned in deeper, knowing Tom wouldn't start anything. As he opened his mouth, he heard Tom moan quietly and turn so they were facing each other.

"Oh gods, Chak, please be sure."

"I am, Tom. One way or another, we are finishing this." He took in the flushed face, and the blue eyes, dark with desire. He leaned in again. "Just gonna have to deal with me being in charge."

"Anything."

Chakotay took both of their wine glasses and set them down. Then he turned back and lifted his eyebrows at him. Chakotay could tell his dimples were showing.

"Anything?" he questioned.

"Anything...within reason," Tom amended. "You don't really get into..."

"Not anything even close," Chakotay assured Tom with a laugh. Then he leaned in and kissed Tom again. As their tongues touched, Chakotay felt a heat he hadn't felt in a long time. He pulled Tom close. Over and over their lips met, each kiss more urgent than the last.

Soon, Chakotay pinned Tom against the end of the couch, laying full length against each other. He could feel Tom's hard cock, rubbing against his, and they both started sliding against each other. Chakotay felt the twisting in his stomach, the pulse in his groin.

"Oh, Spirits, Tom."

"You had better do something, Chak, or I'm going to embarrass myself."

"Bedroom?"

"Oh, yeah."

The two moved towards the bedroom, peeling off clothes as they went. Tom was trying to pull his shirt off, but Chakotay suddenly pulled him close and kissed him deeply. He leaned into the blond hair.

"Talk to me, Tom. I need to hear your voice."

"Not a problem, Chakotay. I'm here, it's Tom." He ran his lips over Chakotay's face. "How can I help?"

"Just keep talking to me," Chakotay said as he bit at Tom's lower lip. He felt Tom's hands on his face, tracing his tattoo. "Yeah, your hands. That's good."

"Love you, Chakotay. I know it may be too soon, but I love you."

They finished undressing, and moved to the bed. Tom reached into his drawer and set something on the edge.

"However, whenever or wherever, you want it," Tom whispered.

Chakotay's only answer was to pull the naked body to his, and lay down beside him. Legs wrapped around each other, arms entwining, lips meeting over and over. Chakotay felt like this was heaven. As he and Tom laid face to face, and their erections brushed against each other. He cried out. Tom responded by pushing against him.

"Oh, shit, Chak, I'm not going to last," Tom moaned claiming Chakotay's lips and thrusting against him.

Chak felt his need and reached between them and held them together, giving Tom something to stroke against. Tom's hands closed over his shoulders as he came near the edge. Chakotay watched his face as he brought himself to orgasm, coming over Chakotay and his hand.

"Chak," came the quiet groan, as he spent himself.

Chakotay kissed and nuzzled the pilot's face until he calmed down. He was beautiful. The way he arched his neck, the way his eyes were almost black, the way his entire body moved. Tom Paris was a beautiful man and a very responsive lover.

"I'm sorry, Chak, I didn't mean..."

A finger over his lips silenced him. Then Chak gently began to kiss him again. He quietly whispered to Tom that it was all right, that he didn't mind, that he was as much to fault for making him wait so long.

Then he rolled Tom under him, and reached for the lube.

"Can I?"

"Anything," Tom whispered again.

Chakotay smiled, looking down at the man who had walked through hell with him. He leaned over and gently kissed the swollen lips and with his hand stroked the blond hair out of his eyes. Then he lowered his lips to Tom's ear.

"I love you, too." Arms encircled him and he was held tightly to the still heaving chest. Then Tom kissed his lips.

"Do it, Chak. Let's finish this."

Chakotay winked and poured lube in his hand. Tom gamely turned onto his stomach and spread his legs. Pausing for a moment, Chakotay warmed the gel and then began.

Within moments, Tom was on his knees, rocking, encouraging, telling him how good it felt. Then Chakotay, moved up and began to push in. There was a moment of panic, but he quelled it as he slowly entered. There was very little resistance, and soon he was buried deep.

"Gods, Chak, you're splitting me in two."

"Hurt?" he asked breathlessly. Tom was so hot, so tight.

"No, go, big man. Fuck me." Tom cried.

Slowly at first, Chakotay started to rock, but soon lost himself in the sensations. He began to drive into Tom for all he was worth, and as he neared completion himself, he reached around for Tom and found him hard.

He barely registered Tom's cry of pleasure. He was only aware of his need to finish. It grew within him and soon exploded. He knew he cried out when he came, and as he was held in the grips of pleasure, he vaguely heard Tom cry out and felt him come again.

When Chakotay opened his eyes, blue eyes were staring at him worriedly.

"Are you okay?"

"I...I'm great. What happened?"

"You passed out and scared me out of 10 years growth."

Chakotay smiled tiredly. "That'll teach you to let me walk in on a hologram of Raton!"

"Shit, Chak. I'm gonna beat you!"

"Oooh, promise?"

Tom started and then stared into his eyes for a moment. The next thing Chakotay knew he was having a pillow stuffed in his face. Tiredly, he wrestled the youngster down, pulling him to his chest.

"Shut up and cuddle Paris. I'm not used to this kind of exercise."

He felt Tom relax against him as he tucked his arm in tightly around his chest. Tom threw a leg forward and Chakotay followed suit. He pulled the covers up, enjoying the scent of Tom Paris.

"You need a bigger bed, Paris. A much bigger bed."