Side Effects

Nick stood against the wall in the waiting room of the clinic and watched the people who were there for appointments. He felt his stomach heave at the sight of a man who looked like little more than skin pulled tightly over bones. That could be him in ten years. That could be him in five years. That could him in a year, if the tests came back positive, and if it were bad. He crossed his arms and kept watching. Watched a little kid come in looking so tired and worn that Nick thought she'd fall over as she stood by her mother. The mother didn't look much better, weariness through her whole body showing with every move she made.

"Excuse me, Sir, are you here for an appointment?" A nurse had walked up beside Nick when he wasn't looking. She smiled at him.

He shook his head. "No, I was just-" He wasn't sure how to finish the sentence. "No." He smiled at her and left, keeping his head down as he walked onto the street, staring at the cracks in the sidewalk, and trying not to think.

He'd been at a scene with Grissom, a murder. He'd been in the kitchen, checking drains and the dishwasher, seeing if he could find a knife that could possibly match the wounds on the victim. The back door had slammed open, and a guy covered in blood had looked at Nick with absolutely wild eyes. Nick had barely reached for his gun before the guy had lunged for Nick's arm. The cut had ended up being shallow, just needing a bandage and some antibiotics, but then the victim's medical records came up as showing she was HIV positive. Nick hadn't been able to hold down any food for nearly a week. He couldn't sleep, couldn't think, and Grissom had put him on leave until his results came back. The waiting was driving him mad.

He let himself into his apartment, eyes still on the ground. He shut the door and leaned his head against it, closing his eyes and trying to relax.

"Hey."

Nick jumped and turned at the voice. He stared across the room at Greg. "You're supposed to be out."

"I was. I got back. You were gone." Greg didn't seem particularly offended. "I was about to make lunch. You want something?"

"I don't think so."

Greg pressed his lips together. "Okay." He walked towards the kitchen.

Nick watched him and felt his stomach heave in a completely different way than it had at the clinic. If he had it, HIV, would Greg leave him? Who wanted to be with someone you couldn't have sex with unless you took every precaution? Would Greg leave him? He'd been afraid to ask for the past week, afraid of the answer, but he suddenly had to know. He went into the kitchen. "If I'm positive, what happens?"

"We get you treatment."

"We?"

Greg looked at Nick with confusion on his face, it cleared up in a moment as Greg watched Nick's expression. "You're afraid I'll leave, aren't you?"

"A little."

"I'm not going to." Greg walked across the kitchen and stood just inside Nick's intimate space. "If you have it, you have it, and we'll deal with it. If you don't, we'll deal with it. Either way, I'm not going anywhere."

"I just-" Nick stopped, closed his eyes, and tried to breathe deep.

"What? You can tell me."

"I went down to the clinic on Eighth, and there were all these people there who looked like they didn't have anybody, and I wondered it they'd always been alone, or if they'd been left."

"I'm not leaving." Greg touched Nick's arm. "I know we don't get mushy and sentimental much, but I love you. I mean, all out, forever and ever, send you huge bouquets of nearly dead flowers, kiss you before you brush your teeth, love you. You got injured on the job, you may have HIV from it. It's a different side effect than usual, but that's all it is. You didn't cheat on me. You haven't treated me like shit. You don't act like I don't matter, or that I'm just someone to have around until something better comes along. The only reason, the only reason I would leave you, was if you did any of that last stuff."

"I won't."

"I know that." Nick sighed and pulled Greg into a hug. "I love you." He tilted Greg's head up and kissed him. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Just letting me wander and be miserable for the week." Greg shrugged. "It's not like I could do much else. This really isn't an 'I feel for you' kind of situation. I have no idea what you're going through."

"I'll give it to you in horrific detail as soon as I can, okay?"

"Okay." Greg pulled away. "Sure you won't have some lunch?"

"Yeah. I think I'm going to go lie down." Nick turned and headed towards the bedroom. He was halfway down the hall when the phone rang, but he ignored it, just wanting to try and get some rest.

"Nick, it's the doctor."

He froze, three steps from the bedroom and watched as the wall seemed to sharpen in detail in front of him. He suddenly got what all those meant when they said they noticed every detail at the most important moments in their life. There were flecks on the wall that Nick had never noticed before.

"Nick."

He turned around and saw Greg handing the phone to him. Saw Greg, who's hair had just a little bit of red in it, who had a small cut on his pinkie, who's hand was shaking just a little as he held out the cordless. Nick took the phone. "Hello?"

"Mr. Stokes?"

"Yes."

"This is Dr. Mason. I have your test results, and they're negative."

Everything blurred for a few seconds as Nick forgot to breathe. "You're certain?"

"Absolutely. We will need to run another test in six months, but I wouldn't worry about it. Until then, just pay attention for anything out of the ordinary in your health. Don't wait for something to happen, but be a little cautious."

"I will. Thank you." Nick turned off the phone and looked at Greg. "I'm okay. He says I have to have another test in six months, but he isn't worried."

Greg leaped at Nick, wrapping his arms and legs around the other man in a bearhug. He squeezed until his muscles protested, and when he loosened up, he felt Nick holding him easily. "You're okay."

"Yeah." Nick's eyes darkened for a moment.

"What is it?"

"Those people, the one's that looked alone at the clinic, I wonder what happened when they found out. I wonder if anyone was there for them."

"I hope so."

"But what if they left?"

"There are support groups."

"Yeah, but," Nick pressed his forehead to Greg's. "There's support, and then there's love."

Greg kissed him. "Then I hope that they're not really alone. I hope maybe, whoever loves them just couldn't be with them today."

"You're an optimist."

"Someone has to be."

Nick smiled a little. "Yeah." He carefullly put Greg back on his feet. "What's for lunch?"