I'm Sorry

"I'm Sorry, Josiah. I just can't take this any more." Ezra Standish said as he watched the confused expressions cross the older man's face.

Josiah looked down at the nail he was holding in his hand, the one he was just now handing to Ezra. Josiah scratched his head as he tried to remember what was Ezra sorry for.

Just a few minutes ago, Ezra had silently walked into his church and without asking, picked up a hammer and began working one of the church's deteriorating walls.

A comfortable silence had fallen between them as they worked on the church and it hadn't been broken until Ezra had softly told Josiah that he was sorry.

'What was he sorry for? 'Josiah thought as he looked at the handsome young man standing before him.

'Was he sorry that Josiah had fallen in love with him? No, that can't be it because he hadn't told him.'

'So, what could Ezra be sorry for? When it was Josiah's fault for loving something that he knew he couldn't have.'

'He knew that Ezra deserved better than some old man. Knew that Ezra needed someone his own age. Someone who was better looking than him. Someone like the new school marm that had arrived a month ago.'

'She was the type that Ezra could settle down with, have a family and live out a full life.'

'So, he did the one thing he could do for his friend. The man he had fallen so hard for. He attempted to set Ezra up with Sally Beck, the new school marm.'

'He dropped some hints in her ear while he fought against his breaking heart. He made sure that Ezra showed her around town. Made sure that Ezra was the one to help her out when she needed it. Made sure that it was Ezra taking her out to dinner and not Buck. He did everything he could to make sure that the match would take and once he had Ezra walking down the aisle, he would go and cry his broken heart out. It was for the best after all,' Josiah thought as he once more looked at the man standing before him. 'Ezra deserved to be loved. Needed it like a flower needs the sun's rays in order to grow. And, if Sally Beck was the one to give it to his beloved Ezra, then Josiah would gladly step back and watch it grow.'

So, what would Ezra be sorry for?

"Ezra!" Josiah softly exclaimed. "What are you sorry for?"

Ezra looked at the man standing before him and softly spoke. "I'm sorry, Josiah, but I just can't love Sally Beck. I can't go on lying to her, myself, and to you, any more."

"You see Josiah, My heart belongs to someone else and I just don't feel it's right to court a woman with whom I don't really feel a thing for other then a friend."

"So Josiah, I came here today, to tell you to please stop because I just can't take it any more and that I am sorry for not being able to form feelings for a woman you think so highly of."

"I'm sorry, Ezra," Josiah softly spoke as felt his heart break at the thought of Ezra loving someone else. But isn't that what he wanted? he asked himself.

"I didn't know that you had all ready formed feelings for someone else. If I had known, then I wouldn't have tried to get you two together."

Ezra softly smiled up at him as he spoke, "That's because the person I have feelings for doesn't know. I'm afraid to tell him because I am afraid of losing the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"Him!" Josiah softly exclaimed as he looked at Ezra.

"Him," Ezra said, as he stood proud before Josiah. "I am in love with a man, Josiah," Ezra said as he waited for his secret love to turn him away and to turn his back against him.

It was Josiah's next words that made Ezra love him more. "Well, then I am happy for you. You said that you haven't told this man yet how you feel. Would you like to practice telling this man the truth about how you feel with me?"

A mischievous twinkle entered Ezra's green eyes as he spoke, "Oh, Josiah, that would be great."

Ezra motioned for Josiah to sit down on a pew as he stood before him. Ezra cleared his throat and began his practice speech. "Josiah, we've been friends for three years now and during that time I have grown and changed and so have my feelings for you changed."

Ezra watched as Josiah's eyes grow wide as he realized that the man Ezra had secret feelings for was none other then the man himself.

"That's right, Josiah. It's you who I love. It came upon me slowly and then when I realized how much I was in love with you, it was too late to change my feelings for you. When you started to set me up wit Miss Sally Beck, I knew that I had to take things in my own hands and show you my true feelings."

Ezra swallowed the lump that suddenly formed in his throat as he said the next words that would change his life, "I love you, Josiah."

Josiah was stunned at hearing Ezra's confession. 'Ezra loved him! and apparently had always loved him.'

He looked up into the worried green eyes of the man he that he loved above all else and smiled, "Oh Ezra," he whispered softly as he held open his arms.

Ezra let out a sigh of relief as he saw the love shining out of Josiah's deep blue eyes and he quickly walked into Josiah's open arms.

Josiah folded his arms around Ezra as he sat down on his lap. Josiah looked down at the man he held in his arms and spoke softly, "Oh, Ezra, I love you so much that I couldn't seem to breathe with out knowing that you loved me too. That's why I thought that if I set you up with Sally, then that would be my only way of telling you how I felt and I would be just happy seeing you happy and loved by someone your own age."

"Silly Josiah," Ezra whispered as he leaned up an kissed Josiah's cheek. "Don't you know that love knows no bounds when it comes to age."

"It doesn't matter to me how far apart we are in age because when I look at you, Josiah. I know that I will love you forever."

Josiah softly moaned at hearing Ezra's words and leaned down for their very first kiss that would lead to many more.