Author: Daydreamer
Posted: 9 February 2003

Comments: A Crystalship Challenge fic in honor of the Beatles appearance on Ed Sullivan's show, February 9, 1964. There are 64 Beatles' song titles within this little offering. Have fun!

I Want To Tell Her

God, Scully. Why do we always do this to each other? The things we said yesterday. The things we said today. There's been too much pain in my life. I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want this anymore -- I want something else, something more.

We fight, but she's always willing to make up -- she always takes me back, even when I've been a jerk. That means a lot to me. It's not something I've ever had before, that unconditional acceptance.

So after the fight, after the words, I called her and, of course, she came over.

And now, I'm sitting here watching her, and it suddenly occurs to me that I need her. And I want her. And I love her. I could watch her forever. Every little thing that she does seems perfect to me.

But how do I tell her?

Soon it will be her birthday, and I want to tell her. I want her to know. There'll never be another girl for me. No more catting around, no more free as a bird, because she's the only girl for me. I want us to come together.

How do you do it, Scully? I just don't understand. I need you like I've never needed anyone before. I should have known better. All those years alone, all those years by myself. I should never have let her get this close. All I've done is open her up to the same dangers that have hounded me for years.

But I'm weak. And the longer I stay with her, well, let's say things just keep getting better and better.

I won't give her up again.

I'm so tired of fighting this feeling. I've got to believe there's a place for us. Just the two of us. I want to believe we can work it out. I used to think I couldn't bear it, that the thought of something happening to her was too much to bear. It made the hope of something between us too dangerous to risk. But now, I can carry that weight. I see that I have to. It's far too painful to think of my life without her in it. So, I've got to believe.

Across time, across space, across the universe, this is a love worth making. I've spent too long crying, waiting, hoping. It has to work out.

Why? Why do I love her?

How can I not?

Loving her is like fixing a hole inside me that I never knew was there.

She's everything to me.

I'll wait till her birthday. Then I'll try to act naturally. Maybe I'll start by saying 'Do you want to know a secret?' That would be a beginning -- a place to start.

I call your name, Scully and I know you'll be there. If I needed someone, you would be there. If I fell, you would pick me up.

And if you've got trouble, I will be there for you. Whatever help you need, call on me.

Look at me, Scully. Slow down and tell me what you see. You'll see a man in love. A man who adores you and can't imagine his life without you in it. I don't want you to find some other guy. Go ahead, ask me why.

Because I love you and I care about you and I can't live without you.

When I ask how you are, don't just say, 'I feel fine.' I'm guilty of many things, but I'm not guilty of not caring about you.

I'll tell her this is real love. Yes, it is. I'll say, 'till there was you, I never knew what love was.'

I love her so much! Sometimes, it's all too much. I mean, part of me says, 'Wait! It's only love.' And part of me says 'what do you mean, only love?' I wanna say, 'baby, it's you. Come and get it. Day or night. Any time at all.' She makes me glad all over.

Hold me tight, Scully. Don't ever change. Let me be with you for all time. When I'm forty-four. When I'm sixty-four. When I'm a hundred and four. All I want is you. I wanna be your man. I wanna give you all my loving, till all you need is love. Don't pass me by. From me to you, Scully, I love you so much.

And I do.

Hallelujah, I love her so!

Now all I've got to do is tell her.